I have learned that I am an invisible narcissist. How should I deal with this?

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to inquire about a matter that requires your attention. Best regards, [Your name]

I commend you for pursuing this line of inquiry and seeking assistance.

You sought counseling and discovered that you are an invisible narcissist.

Please provide the source of this term.

Were you similarly distressed when you were unaware of your status as an invisible narcissist?

I would be pleased to assist you in this matter and hope that you will find the process inspiring.

1. Gain an understanding of the differences between healthy and unhealthy narcissism.

It is important to note that narcissism can manifest in different ways, and that everyone is narcissistic to some extent.

It is unwise to label oneself as an "invisible narcissist" based on one's performance in specific areas.

It is important to remember that problems do not define us.

We must either learn to accommodate it or resolve the issue.

Healthy narcissism is about consistently enhancing one's capabilities and fulfilling one's diverse requirements.

You stated, "When I'm narcissistic, I feel very good, better than anyone else, and when I'm inferior, I want to slap myself twice and I love to lie." We must adjust our approach gradually.

It is important to recognize that one's true self may not always align with the perceptions of others. It is essential to avoid self-criticism when experiencing feelings of inadequacy.

It is important to recognize that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. The key is to accept oneself as one is, rather than trying to be something one is not.

Additionally, consider the following: You enjoy deceiving others. What aspects of your behavior do you find yourself fabricating?

Do you engage in untruthfulness to preserve an idealized perception of yourself among others?

If you experience discomfort when you lie, consider reflecting on your true self whenever you feel the urge to do so.

It is not the perfection of individuals that facilitates the formation of deeper relationships, but rather their authenticity.

In practice, many people are not drawn to individuals who are perceived as perfect and would rather form relationships with those who exhibit minor flaws.

It is because nobody is perfect.

As we learn to accept ourselves for who we really are, these issues may resolve themselves without our conscious awareness.

2. Shift your focus from the self to the other.

You stated that you are unable to attend social events due to feelings of being watched and subsequent feelings of anxiety and discomfort. This is reminiscent of the spotlight effect, a phenomenon frequently discussed in psychological literature.

People often have the subconscious perception that they are the center of attention and that others are focused on them.

It is akin to being in the limelight.

Such thoughts create a sense of unease and discomfort.

It is possible to achieve a great deal of relaxation when one realizes that this is merely one's own perception, not an objective truth, and that other individuals pay far less attention to us than we believe.

Narcissism leads to an overestimation of one's abilities and importance.

Narcissism can be defined as the emotional state of loneliness and sadness that arises from engaging in self-focused activities.

One effective method for overcoming this issue is to make a conscious effort to focus on others from this point forward.

As an illustration, attend a social gathering and direct your attention to other attendees.

Observe the attire and speech patterns of others, and refrain from assuming a central role in the social interaction.

Additionally, you may wish to verify, observe, or inquire as to whether you are perceived as radiant and a primary focus.

By focusing on others, we can reduce our anxiety about ourselves.

3. Continue to develop your skills and abilities.

You stated, "Through counseling, I discovered that I have invisible narcissism." By engaging in counseling, you are exploring and growing yourself, so I would like to commend you for that.

Counseling is the optimal method for acquiring new experiences in relationships.

It is important to note that the inability to make friends or fall in love at this time does not preclude the possibility of doing so in the future.

It is important to note that the objective is not to undergo a radical transformation overnight. Instead, the goal is to gradually identify and implement small breakthroughs that will help you break free from the limitations imposed by past patterns of interaction and instead build new experiences.

It is important to be open to new ideas and perspectives.

It is acceptable to possess narcissistic tendencies; however, it is crucial to undergo a gradual transformation from unhealthy to healthy narcissism.

It is recommended that you try to love yourself and love others.

Naturally, this is not a straightforward process.

Therefore, self-growth is always the most fundamental method.

Should you be interested, you may wish to peruse The Power of Self-Growth and Zeng Qifeng's Psychology Class.

Best regards,

Dear question owner, It is a genuine pleasure to engage with you in this way. Reading your words evokes a sense of connection, as though we were meeting in person.

Perhaps we could start with a hug? I know that exploring yourself can be difficult, and it can be overwhelming. I understand you...

I wonder if I was rational when I wrote the following passage.

When I saw you mention "invisible narcissism," I had never heard of it before, so I looked it up on purpose.

▶️The term "hidden narcissism" is a popular one on the Internet. It refers to people who may appear gentle on the surface, not inclined to brag, and not particularly social. They may claim to be sensitive and introverted, but when you get to know them more deeply, you may realize that they are quite self-centered and individualistic.

It is often the case that invisible narcissists do not have particularly deep, close, or lasting friendships. After people really get to know them intimately, they may find that they are not consistent with the appearance they show, and they may choose to stay away.

The invisible narcissist may experience feelings of loneliness, yet they may also become complacent about this "unique" loneliness.

— — — I believe the above is from Baidu.

▶️If I understand correctly, the questioner is referring to the concept of "invisible narcissism." I must admit, I'm not quite sure if that applies to me. I'm not sure if you fit the criteria for "invisible narcissism," but I'm open to discussing it further with you.

I'm wondering where you heard this term from, as you're consulting with a counselor.

I would like to use this opportunity to discuss narcissism with you. In my opinion, narcissism can be divided into two types: healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism. The difference between them, as Mr. Zeng Qifeng has suggested, is whether the bragging is realized.

It seems that invisible narcissism may be more closely aligned with pathological narcissism.

It seems that the uncertain may be seeking a sense of certainty. I did some further research and found this explanation on Baidu:

It is thought that pathological narcissism may have its roots in a damaged parenting relationship in childhood. The main manifestations in adulthood are

1) A sense of superiority that may be perceived as exaggerated.

2) A profound sense of shame.

3) A tendency towards magical thinking and idealization of others.

4) They may also display a lack of empathy, which can manifest as an inability to understand or relate to the feelings of others.

5) Jealousy. This is often seen as one of the most prominent traits of individuals with narcissistic tendencies.

6) Lack of clarity regarding boundaries.

It is worth noting that healthy narcissism is often the result of a positive upbringing and a well-developed personality. It can be expressed in a number of ways:

1) Able to distinguish between self and others, rather than being self-centered.

2) A mature way of thinking and a flexible personality that can distinguish between ideals and reality.

In an intimate relationship, it is important to find a balance between independence and attachment.

I think it's time to stop carrying this burden alone.

It might be helpful to consider these things so that you can feel more and explore more. ➡️"Believe in nothing, and you will be unharmed." ⬅️This is a saying we have heard since childhood. Labelling something is only for a better understanding of the current self, and it does not become an obstacle to growth. What are your thoughts on this? Besides, humans are generally narcissistic, and everyone is the same to a certain extent.

Perhaps we could consider setting aside reason for a moment?

If I might make a suggestion, I think you would benefit from taking some time to be quiet and feel your feelings with all your heart.

It is clear that you are suffering greatly. The conflict and internal depletion you experience are evident, as are the contrasting feelings of excellence you experience when things are good and the feelings of inferiority you experience when you feel like dirt and dross. It seems that two voices inside you are pulling you in different directions, both wanting to win. However, there is a risk that they are disregarding the fact that you have been pulled to pieces and are still not giving up. Have you ever considered who might have seen this pain and hurt? It seems that the wounded you long for and fear entering a deep relationship. You want to be seen, but you are also afraid of being hurt. This makes you sensitive.

Healing is a process that takes time. It's not something that happens overnight. The same is true of finding relief from anxiety and suffering. It doesn't happen immediately. What is rare is your courage to explore yourself, to seek advice and solutions, and to face yourself head-on. You are already beginning to heal yourself, aren't you?

On my birthday in 2022, I made a wish that I would be able to develop a more well-rounded personality.

I truly hope you will be patient as your flowers bloom.

I hope you are safe.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can see how "invisible narcissism" is affecting you negatively. I also admire your self-awareness and courage to change.

I question the term "invisible narcissism." I have never heard of this psychological term, and I do not recommend that the questioner label himself in this way.

The theory of developmental psychology states that the subject's ego only gradually emerges when the baby is 12 months old. At this point, the subject can distinguish between the self and the object, separating itself from others. This shows that the self, narcissism, is an innate instinct in humans.

Teacher Wu Zhihong also calls this psychological state "omnipotent narcissism," and it aligns with Freud's theory of "ego, id, and superego."

Low self-esteem and narcissism are not opposites. The logic of low self-esteem is narcissism, and without narcissism, there is no low self-esteem. It can also be said that low self-esteem is a product of narcissism stimulated by specific external environments.

The self is rated as high or low, not sometimes inferior and sometimes narcissistic. This instability in self-evaluation is an immature manifestation of the lack of dialectical ability in cognitive thinking.

You're describing why you trigger your own narcissistic and inferior feelings, which are not sustainable. It's not objective for a person to evaluate themselves as better than anyone else. Is lying always bad?

Lying is deception and harm. Lies of kindness are also wrong.

"I can't form deeper relationships with anyone. I can't go to parties because I always feel like someone is watching me. I feel anxious and miserable. I need to heal myself and make myself feel better."

This is often closely related to the original family, because the parent-child relationship is often the template for our understanding of intimacy. If a person's sense of self (sense of security) in childhood is not met well or even suppressed, they will often behave in two extremes in adulthood: extreme narcissism and inferiority.

It is normal to feel that someone is watching you. This is known as the "focus effect" in psychology. It refers to the tendency for people to see themselves as the center of social attention and to overestimate the degree of attention paid to them by those around them.

When you feel that other people are looking at you, you are also that "other person" to other people. You have to pay attention to everyone. If you don't, you can't expect not everyone to pay attention to you.

Furthermore, is this kind of attention always malicious? Have you ever paid attention to someone with ill intent?

If not, why would anyone else be able to?

If you cannot establish a deep relationship with others, you must start with a little bit at a time, from shallow to deep. This process will undoubtedly lead to feelings of discomfort as you realize the depth of the relationship is causing you problems. Then, you can analyze the unreasonable perceptions that may exist in specific situations. This process is not a

If you cannot establish a deep relationship with others, you must start with a little bit at a time, from shallow to deep. This process will undoubtedly lead to feelings of discomfort. At that time, you can analyze the unreasonable cognition that may exist in specific situations. This process does not happen overnight. If you have the conditions, you should find a psychological counselor to accompany you through the process, and the results will be better.

I am Xiaodong, a psychological counselor. I wish you a happy life!

Hello, question asker.

It is challenging to provide guidance on self-perception in a concise manner, particularly given the limited word count. Nevertheless, I hope my answer can offer some support and guidance when you feel anxious or uncomfortable.

It is worth noting that the act of labelling can often be unhelpful.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn a new term: invisible narcissism. This description evokes an analogy that I find thought-provoking. Imagine having a kitchen knife at home and being told that it is a "murder weapon." It would naturally lead to feelings of concern and apprehension about its continued use for "cutting vegetables and cooking."

Secondly, the concept of "invisible narcissism" is not an official psychological diagnosis. It is not particularly helpful to say that someone has a "cold." Whether it can be overcome by drinking some hot water or whether medicine and injections are needed, it is either decided by personal experience or judged by a professional doctor.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to avoid denying yourself too quickly.

I'm not sure how old you are, but when I hear you say that you "can't make friends or fall in love," "can't go to parties," and "can't form deeper relationships with anyone," it seems like you might be denying your own interpersonal interactions a bit. So, have there been no positive intimate relationships in your life since you were a child?

If this is not the case, it means that you are capable of establishing and maintaining a relationship, regardless of its duration. You may therefore find it helpful to draw on past experiences, both successes and failures, and apply them to your current interpersonal practices.

It would be beneficial to accept every part of yourself.

In the text, you mentioned that "when you are narcissistic, you feel very good about yourself," and "when you are inferior, you want to slap yourself twice." It's interesting to consider that for everyone, there is an inner narcissism and inferiority that are two sides of the same coin. It seems that you are experiencing discomfort, and it's understandable that you don't fully embrace the aspects of yourself that you perceive as narcissistic or inferior.

However, both parts are essential components of forming an "ego." When you can calmly accept the current you as you are, it may make it easier for you to take that small step towards change.

I hope the original poster will keep an open mind and gain something new from their interactions with others.