I want to cut off contact with a long-time friend, but it hurts. What should I do?

Good day, inquiring party.

From your description, your former close associate, with whom you had a familial relationship, has become someone you hardly know, and your associate still does not recognize his own issues, which is a source of great sadness for you. What was once a relationship of trust has become an object of venting for your associate, who has no respect for you and does not value your friendship.

My recommendation would be to handle the relationship in accordance with its evolution.

It is evident that you place a high value on this friendship. Perhaps the innocence and beauty of your teenage years were too profound, and the evolution of your decades-long friendship has now reached this challenging juncture. Nevertheless, it is crucial to address the dynamics of your relationship in many instances.

After graduating from university, you have each embarked on different paths. While the path of friendship may present unique challenges, it is not a reason for her to accuse you. She may have encountered a number of frustrating situations, but she has not addressed her emotions surrounding these events. As her confidant, your lack of objection or sympathy has exacerbated the situation.

During the course of your time together, you have unilaterally accepted her negative emotions, which has resulted in a loss of boundaries within the friendship. While you are kind and do not want to hurt the other person, you need to defend your position.

When a colleague shares information with you and offers criticism, you have the option to decline to engage in the conversation. You can express your frustration and concerns. Only when you have achieved a level of personal and professional success will your colleague recognize the impact of their actions.

Given your decision to terminate the friendship, it is necessary to accept the reality of the present situation. You previously held a high value on the companionship you had, and it is recommended that you continue to cherish it. However, it is also important to acknowledge the past and recognize the positive aspects of the relationship.

However, it is not possible to cherish someone while causing them harm. Your relationship is no longer what it once was, and you have already chosen your own paths. In this case, it may be in everyone's best interests if you separate.

In terms of reciprocating kindness, the relationship is inherently unequal when it comes to repaying kindness. You may perceive her actions as benevolent, leading you to tolerate her behavior. This could result in a loss of boundaries, as previously discussed.

The relationship may become unequal as a result of the friend's discovery that she is accusing you of being an authority figure or because she has hurt you by taking advantage of your past assistance.

This imbalance will ultimately result in the dissolution of the friendship. It is important to note that this was already evident at the time.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Hello there!

Give your shoulder a little pat and a big hug!

You really want to cut off contact with your long-time friend, but it hurts so much. What should you do?

They've known each other since junior high school and have been close friends ever since. They've always been there for each other, through thick and thin. They have a deep emotional connection, but as they entered society and each pursued their own lives and goals, differences gradually arose. They've tried to communicate honestly to resolve the years of pent-up anger, but because their friend has always avoided and rejected them, they've been unable to find emotional relief or understanding.

I'm so grateful to the original poster for sharing this imperfect but still "beautiful" emotion. I've always believed that friendship is an essential part of life, just as important as other strong emotions like family ties and love. Friendship can also have a profound impact on our lives, inspiring us to be our best selves.

However, just like all emotions, it will go through a process of constant conflict and friction, and then return to a consolidated and close bond. Friendship also has this kind of unavoidable situation, but the stages of occurrence will be different. And because there isn't always a common goal or shared living environment, it can be harder to resolve problems and repair relationships.

So, let's circle back to the question. It's totally normal for the relationship between the questioner and their close friend to become a bit messy. We all have our own ideas and experiences, and they can influence how we interact with others. And, as we mentioned, when we're in different locations, it's not always easy to fully express ourselves through simple face-to-face conversations or phone calls. Plus, when we're separated from our usual environment, it can be harder to understand and empathize with others. This can lead to a default type of "emotional repression," where we might not fully express our feelings.

It's totally normal to feel appreciation or dissatisfaction with a relationship, but it's not always easy to express those feelings right away. By the time a real connection is established, those emotions might have already become indifferent. It's also possible that, subconsciously, you might choose not to express them, which could make the emotional connection weaker.

This is totally normal! It's just the way relationships evolve. But aside from that, will the relationship between the questioner and his friend become uncomfortable, feeling distorted and unnatural?

From what I can see, the most important intimacy is not with each other. At least, there is a clear emotional sorting out brought about by being in different places. There have been other changes in feelings and experiences, too. It seems that friends are gradually becoming less dependent on you, or the questioner is becoming less dependent on friends. As a result, the support and recognition received from the other party is also decreasing.

From an economic perspective, it's important to have emotional boundaries in relationships. These boundaries help us to be fair and respectful of each other. They also help us to manage our finances and avoid any negative impacts on our relationships. For example, if you lend money to a friend, it's good to have a clear understanding of when you expect to be repaid. If you don't get a promise from your friend right away, it can sometimes have a negative impact on your relationship.

Let's take a look at the situation from an objective standpoint. It's clear that the death of a loved one has brought our friend a lot of confusing emotions. When you're dealing with loss and a sense of defeat in life, it's only natural to feel a range of intense feelings, including loneliness, helplessness, and a sense of the fragility of life. It's okay to feel this way.

Finally, when we look at how the two of you interact, we can see that the way you relate to each other hasn't changed much over time. You've both grown and changed a lot, but your relationship hasn't kept up with that. The questioner has become a more independent person, while her friend still has a lot of hope for the relationship and may not be ready to let go of the way things used to be. This can make it feel uncomfortable for the questioner, because she's trying to navigate a relationship that's not quite right for her.

I just can't seem to find a way to express my needs and get her approval and understanding.

So, should I give up?

Even after a relationship has been damaged and you've made the tough decision to move on, it's totally normal to still feel a bit of pain. After all, your friends who have been there for you through thick and thin are an important part of your past, too. It's okay to feel a little loss when you're facing a change in your relationship status.

So, when you've made the decision that the relationship just isn't giving you the trust and identity you need, it's a great idea to move on without carrying around those heavy feelings of guilt and remorse.

It's okay to make a decision that doesn't include the other person. It doesn't mean you're a "victim" or that you'll be enemies forever. It just means you can give this relationship more possibilities. You might not be able to give the other person the support and trust they need right now, but you never know—you might meet again and new relationship possibilities may open up.

However, this requires a high degree of self-emotional awareness and self-knowledge. We should not always be trapped by the negative emotions of the past, but rather realize that every moment is new, which means that "I" is also renewed. Perhaps the past cannot be understood by each other, but in the future, reconciliation is possible.

I'd love to share a story with you. I had a similar experience to the original poster many years ago. I also felt that the changes in relationships were really impermanent, and that when friends met, they could no longer talk happily. Words became a tool to stretch the distance between each other's hearts. Looking back, I also feel a sense of kinship, but if I think about it from another perspective, we have all become a better version of ourselves for each other, which is not a bad thing.

The story was inspired by a feeling. I really hope that the questioner who comes tomorrow will be able to smile again soon, even though she's been through a lot.

I really hope these answers can help you!

Wishing you all the best! I truly hope the future will be bright for you.

Hello, thank you for your question. I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you.

From your description and the course of your relationship, if I were in your shoes and had encountered a relationship like this, I would probably let nature take its course.

It might be said that, in time, you have developed a natural way of communicating. You are both communicating in a way that suits you both, without forcing the other person to give you a response, and you are not forcing the other person to give you a response either. You mentioned something at a certain stage, and then the two of you started chatting again, or slowly became familiar with each other again. But after that incident passed, things returned to normal.

While such a relationship may be somewhat less intense than before, it is not entirely severed. Instead, it provides a way to maintain contact while continuing with your daily life.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what to do next. You may wish to consider whether the relationship needs to become harmonious, whether it needs to be maintained, or whether the other person needs to repay the money you lent them. Ultimately, the decision will depend on your own personal feelings.

There is no one right answer to this question. Our answer may evolve over time, and that's okay. When we're in a state of ambiguity, when we're still undecided, it's helpful to give ourselves some space, calm our minds, and then reflect on how to handle the relationship.

It is important to remember that no relationship lasts forever. While we may all wish for a relationship that lasts forever, it is not always realistic. Relationships often go through stages, including those within our families and in romantic relationships.

We are aware that this may be the end of our time with this person. However, it is not easy to suddenly cut loose from emotional ties that have lasted more than ten or twenty years. We cannot bear to let go and feel that maintaining the relationship is challenging. It may be helpful to let things unfold naturally. When the next incident arises or there is contact again, we may find a different way forward.

In this process, we are not suggesting that we must force ourselves to reconcile with the other person, or that we must force ourselves to completely sever contact with the other person. Rather, the most important thing is how to adjust our emotions and mentality to face our own lives without being affected. At the same time, we can also more calmly perceive our own intentions, without feeling sad or regretful about the future severing of ties, nor suffocated or unhappy about the future reconciliation. Regardless of whether it is reconciled or not, we can make ourselves visually comfortable and not sad.

This aspect can undoubtedly present a challenge. Those navigating this kind of interpersonal relationship may encounter a range of choices or difficulties in making decisions. When we find ourselves unable to make a decision or choose one path over another, it's important to recognize that this is a common human experience. There's no need to place undue pressure on ourselves or cause additional anxiety.

In most cases, it is perfectly acceptable to communicate and chat with our family members or trusted friends to express our emotions. However, there may be instances where seeking the assistance of professionals to express our emotions could be beneficial.

I hope that through self-reflection, you can find a way to deal with this that is right for you. Whatever the outcome may be, I truly believe that it can be the best choice for you, at least for now.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you!

Hello, You've known this person for 20 years. She's given you a bad experience on more than one occasion and you've even felt hurt. Despite the hurt, you've tolerated her, but now you really can't anymore. You want to end the contact, but you feel reluctant to do so. I can really empathize with your conflicting emotions!

Let's look at the root cause and see what it's causing.

1. The original poster noticed, right? I used the word "acquaintance" at the beginning. You've known each other for 20 years, and there have been many interactions along the way, so you could be considered acquaintances. However, even if you've known someone for 20 years, you may not be considered acquaintances. Acquaintances must be at least somewhat familiar with each other.

Why not use a friend? It's worth noting that friends and friends are two different concepts. A friend is someone who is precious and rare. You may not meet many true friends in your life. Friends are like-minded, talk about everything, be honest with each other, have no pressure, be tolerant of each other, etc. Friends are connected by external factors, while friends are connected by mutual inner feelings.

I get that it's better to view your relationship with her as strictly professional.

2. In most cases, people act in ways that satisfy their own needs, some of which are subconscious and not even aware of. During college, you felt cared for by her, so you developed an attachment. At that time, there may have been various forms of contact just to satisfy the psychological needs of attachment and being cared for.

She probably has her own reasons for taking care of you. I'm not sure what they are because I haven't talked to her about it. Some people also feel a sense of worth and achievement when they take care of others.

3. After working for a few years, you relocated to a different city, and your friendship gradually changed to that of acquaintances. Before that, it could not be called a friendship. After moving to a different city, you often sought her out to talk, but still to satisfy your own needs. It was understandable that you, who were new to the city and unfamiliar with it, sought out the friend you had previously considered to be your friend.

The fact that you used your credit card to lend her money is still a deep-seated need of your own. At the time, you felt in your heart that helping her would give you a sense of value and a sense of giving back. Although there was financial pressure, you were internally happy. Just remember that. As for her attitude, that is her problem. It has nothing to do with you. You cannot control it, and you should not expect it.

4. Three years later, you came back, but things had actually changed. There was just a difference between how you saw her and how she was in reality. The way you saw her was stuck in the past, while the way she was in reality was the real her. The relationship between friends hadn't changed much, but you had always expected it to be like a friendship in your heart, so you were conflicted.

5. As long as you can distinguish between friends, acquaintances, and strangers, and let go of the idea that you're friends, you'll also let go of the expectations that come with that. Then the details of your interactions won't matter, and there's no point in talking about whether she's hurt you. You can also get along with her using the standards of an acquaintance, and there's no need to demand that you tolerate the other person.

That's the truth. There's no point in constantly breaking up with someone. As for the money you lent her, whether you want it back or not shouldn't affect your opinion of her as a friend. If you don't want it back, you can link it to repaying her for her care. That's transactional thinking. She has met my needs in the past, and I'm willing to pay some costs later.

If you're not sure whether you want it or not, you can always send a message through WeChat or another platform to say something like, "I'm in a tough spot right now. Would you be willing to repay the XXX you lent me?" This is just to leave a paper trail, since if a private loan isn't claimed within a certain timeframe, it expires.

I hope this helps!

Best regards!

Hello, question asker! This is indeed a difficult situation. Here is my advice, which I hope will help you deal with this complicated friendship:

Communication is key. Talk to your friend about your feelings and confusion in an honest way. Tell her that you value the friendship, but you also need her to provide support and understanding when you need it, and not just to be a sounding board for your emotions.

Stay calm and rational when communicating. Don't make accusations or engage in arguments. Simply express your feelings and expectations.

Set boundaries. If your friend continues to use you as a dumping ground for her emotions, tell her that you also have your own emotions and stress and may not be able to bear her negativity all the time. Propose solutions, such as talking at a specific time or in a specific way, or suggest that she seek professional psychological counseling.

Reassess the friendship. You're right, your relationship may have changed and is no longer the close friendship it once was. Accept this reality and try to redefine your relationship.

The friendship can continue if both parties are willing to adapt to the change and find a new balance.

You need to be clear with her about borrowing money as a token of appreciation for her past care. This will avoid misunderstandings or disputes over money in the future.

If she is able and willing to repay you, accept her repayment. This will maintain equality and respect between the two of you.

Protect yourself. Your feelings and needs are just as important. If the friendship is causing you too much negative emotion and stress, you must protect your mental health.

Don't be afraid to make changes or end a relationship that is no longer beneficial to you. Friendship should be mutually supportive and understanding, and if it isn't, it's time to move on.

Seek out a new social circle. If your relationship can no longer return to the way it was, you must find new friends and a new social circle. This does not mean that you have to give up your old friends completely, but you should definitely breathe new life and opportunities into your social life.

Ultimately, you must remember your own value and needs, regardless of how you choose to handle this friendship. Friendship is based on mutual respect and support. If the relationship no longer meets these basic conditions, you must change it.

I am a listening therapist, Deng Hong, and I can help you. Every voice in your heart is worth listening to. Talk to me.

People change. If you feel distressed and think she treated you well, cutting ties with her may be distressing.

Think carefully. Are you annoyed or negative? Your judgment is influenced by past negative emotions, which makes you feel like you've betrayed her. But you're ignoring what's happening now. Your relationship is on the verge of breaking up. You don't understand her, and she doesn't understand you.

Her younger brother's death may have caused her problems. She's moody and hard to understand. It's not your fault. She's already in a bad place. If you're her friend, support her. Show her you care. Talk to her. She's in a bad way. She complains about life being unfair because she's taking the bad for granted and reacting emotionally to the bad while ignoring the good.

If you can understand her, do something to show you care, not just think about what you did wrong. If you cherish her, talk to her. Don't be afraid to show you care. Don't give up on her. Go ahead and talk, and take her out of her low point in life together.

Hello, question asker! Thank you for asking this question and for being willing to share your experiences and feelings.

I understand your feelings completely, and I can see the highs and lows you're going through. Losing a friend after 20 years is a challenge, but you will get through this.

This friendship has seen you through your youth, etched with the laughter and tears you've shared. Now, it's time to draw a line under this deep friendship, which is undoubtedly a huge psychological challenge.

I feel your pain and loss acutely. That friendship, which once flourished like a towering tree under your joint care, is now withering away. The falling of each leaf seems to be the sound of your heart breaking.

You said she took care of you like a sister, and you became dependent on her. This isn't just about your life; it's about your emotions too.

She was the person you trusted the most and the first person you thought of when you were in trouble. However, now she has become the person you want to avoid the most. This change has caused you a huge psychological gap and left you feeling at a loss.

Her defensiveness and perfunctory attitude towards you, as well as the negative emotions she gives you, have deeply hurt you. I can feel your helplessness and confusion. You need to deal with this friendship that has changed.

You try to communicate with her, but she avoids you. This makes you feel powerless and frustrated.

She was your guiding light, giving you direction when you were lost and lending a helping hand when you were in trouble. There's no question that her presence was a source of spiritual support for you and a precious vehicle for your shared memories.

You have to face facts. Your once close friend has become strange and distant.

You once considered her your closest confidante, with whom you shared every aspect of your life. Her departure has left you feeling empty and lonely, as if a part of you has been removed.

In the quiet of the night, you will remember the time you spent with her, the laughter, and the days of mutual support. These memories will cut like a knife, and you will have to let go.

You have lost a friend and a precious memory of your youth. This memory contains your growth, your laughter, your tears, and your persistence and belief in friendship.

Now, it's clear that it's unattainable, and you feel a sense of great loss and regret.

I can also feel your concern and care for her. You mentioned that she has lost a loved one, and you are afraid of hurting her, so you have been tolerating her negative emotions.

However, your tolerance has not been met with understanding or gratitude. Instead, she has acted recklessly and hurt you. This conflict is causing you a great deal of pain, and you know you need to find a way to balance your feelings with hers.

You want to end the friendship, and you should. This conflict and struggle is perfectly normal, after all, it is a deep relationship that has lasted for two decades.

You are undoubtedly suffering a great loss by breaking off this friendship. But you must also understand that your happiness and feelings are equally important.

You deserve better than to be hurt and treated indifferently.

I understand your pain and reluctance, but you must make the best choice for yourself. Give yourself time to deal with the end of this friendship and space to release emotions and accept reality.

You should also try to find new friends and interests to make your life more fulfilling and colorful.

You will need to learn to be more independent and stronger in the process. The end of this friendship has caused you great pain, but it is also an opportunity for you to grow and improve.

Use this experience to reflect on your own approach to relationships and learn to handle conflicts and disagreements in relationships more effectively.

Your feelings and happiness are the most important thing. You need to make the decision to either continue the friendship or sever ties based on your feelings and happiness.

Face reality head-on, embrace the future with optimism, and discover your own happiness and joy.

I also hope you can forgive her for her actions. She may be experiencing difficulties and pain that you cannot imagine, which is why she is unable to support and care for you as you would like.

Forgiving does not mean approving of her actions. It means liberating and calming yourself. You cannot control other people's actions, but you can control your own reactions and attitudes.

You will face difficulties and challenges when dealing with the end of this friendship. However, you will heal and regain your happiness and confidence. Your family and friends will support and encourage you.

You must always put your own happiness first. You have the right to pursue happiness and protect yourself from harm.

This isn't the end of your life. It's a new beginning. You'll be more mature and stronger for it. Stay confident and courageous. Time will heal all wounds. Better people and things await you in the future.

You deserve to be treated well and to have a better life. You will find your own happiness and satisfaction in the days to come.

I wish you all the best, world, and I love you.

Hello, I'm Li Di☀, and I'm grateful for our encounter.

After reading the questioner's description, I want to give you a hug. This relationship has brought you so many emotions, and I can feel the deep feelings you have for this long-standing friendship, as well as the role you play in it—from dependent to supporter, and now to confusion and loss. You mentioned several key points: dependence, trust, money, the loss of family ties, and your uncertainty about the future of this relationship.

These are fundamental aspects of human interaction that encompass a sense of belonging, security, trust, and self-worth. You are conflicted, determined to end the relationship but also feeling heartbroken and uncertain about your next steps.

It would be beneficial to examine the underlying psychological dynamics behind your feelings and needs.

Your dependence, care, and subsequent alienation in this friendship touch on several psychological concepts. First, your expectations of intimacy and care are shaped by early dependence. Your attachment style influences your perception and behavior in relationships.

As you mature, your internal needs change. You begin to seek more autonomy and personal growth. This is consistent with Erik Erikson's psychosocial development theory. It states that individuals will have different developmental tasks and conflicts at different stages of life.

Your dependence on her may stem from a need for a secure attachment, and her role as a sister satisfies this need. However, as you grow personally and your circumstances change, your needs evolve and you begin to seek a more mature partnership. This transition will undoubtedly lead to tension in your relationship.

This change is natural, but it can also lead to tension between you as you both adjust to new roles and expectations.

Money plays a pivotal role here, serving not only as a material exchange but also as a symbol of trust and responsibility. By lending her money, you demonstrate your willingness to support her, but this also creates an expectation of reciprocity.

When this exchange seems no longer balanced, you will doubt the solidity of the relationship.

Her changing attitude towards you is likely due to her own emotional state and life pressures. The death of her brother was a major event, and studies of grief and mourning show that people's reactions are diverse, including withdrawal, anger, and alienation.

She may have unintentionally brought these emotions into her interactions with you, but this is not a personal attack against you. It is simply a way for her to deal with her personal pain.

Your feelings reflect a deep sense of loneliness and misunderstanding caused by a lack of deep communication. You crave a sense of empathy and emotional connection, which are basic human needs.

You feel guarded and perfunctory because you sense this deep connection being broken, and you know it causes you emotional discomfort.

When considering the future of the relationship, you must make a crucial psychological decision: whether to continue a relationship that may no longer meet your needs or to courageously set boundaries and pursue a relationship that aligns with your current stage of life and personal growth. This decision inevitably involves a sense of loss, as it marks the end of an era and the beginning of a new life.

Your decision should be based on self-knowledge and a clear understanding of your vision for the future. Ask yourself whether the relationship can still bring you growth and satisfaction, and whether you can accept the current situation.

Ending the relationship is not a failure. It is a responsible decision for your emotional health. If you choose to continue, communicate openly, express your feelings and expectations, and rebuild a healthier relationship pattern.

Your self-worth and emotional needs are crucial in this process. Your feelings and needs are legitimate and deserve respect.

Your choice should be based on an understanding of yourself and hope for the future. You are not an isolated individual, and your feelings and needs are central to any relationship.

I am confident that this analysis will help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and find a way forward. If you need further support, I strongly recommend seeking help from a mental health professional who can help you explore these issues in greater depth and provide the necessary guidance.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful. The world and I love you! *^O^*

Hello!

I can totally relate to the internal struggle and torment you're feeling. On the one hand, you're reluctant to let go of a friendship that has lasted for more than 20 years. On the other hand, the friendship has changed and is no longer what it was, and this has hurt you. It's so draining! As you've had different life experiences, your perceptions of each other have also changed. So when you get together again, it's no longer the same kind of feeling of mutual honesty and understanding as it was back then. But even after you've discovered this fact, you still want to try to salvage the friendship. The result is disappointment time and time again. So now you've come to terms with this reality and deliberately try to distance yourself from this friend, but the pain is still there. I'm so sorry!

I just want to say that your feelings are totally normal. It doesn't matter who has to say goodbye to a friendship that's lasted more than 20 years, it's always really sad and painful.

I've also been in a similar situation. After more than 30 years of friendship, I found that we were increasingly unable to see eye to eye. There was no longer the previous ease and trust. I was reluctant to let go, so I started to do all kinds of things to try to keep them. The result was that both I and the other person felt very bad. I then chose to let things cool down. After all, we were no longer in the same city, so I slowly distanced myself from them and slowly calmed down.

It's been almost a year now, and I still think about them a lot and dream about them, but I'm happy to say that I don't have the same emotional ups and downs as before.

Give yourself some time, my friend. I think it's totally natural for you to become friends after being together, and it's also natural whether you will continue to be together. The most important thing is to take care of your emotions and mood first, and let go of the rest.

Hello.

You were in the same classes from junior high through college.

In college, she took care of you. You were dependent on her. She was like your older sister. This close friendship lasted for a few years after you started working.

You moved to a big city to work. After you left, she planned not to get in touch with you. You often sought her out. At one point, her attitude was very bad, but you continued to keep in touch. She borrowed tens of thousands of dollars from you. She said she would repay you, but she never did.

After three years, you returned to your hometown. You didn't know if it was because you had been apart for three years or because of money, but she always distanced herself from you. After working hard in the big city, you have become more independent and have gained a lot of insight.

Her family has changed, and she's busy taking care of them. You can't reach her, and she's guarded when you meet. You want to talk, but she avoids it.

Sometimes she would help you, then scold you and invite you to dinner to apologize. This is confusing.

When you chat with her, she talks about the annoying things that happen to her every day. You are also at a low point in your career, so you contact her less and less. A few days ago, you were about to leave the city.

You said goodbye, but her tone hurt you. For nearly a year, you've been on the defensive with her. She's perfunctory. She's never kept a promise. Every time you get in touch, you feel down because she's been hurting you.

You don't want to contact her, but you don't want to lose your 20-year friendship. You've been friends since college, and it's hard to let go.

She was simple, sincere, and kind back then. Now, it's hard to know what she's saying. She's avoiding you, hurting you, and giving you the runaround.

She's lost all sincerity.

We used to be close friends with pure emotions. But we've been on different paths for years, drifting apart.

She's not the same person, and you've matured. Your emotions are now complicated, contradictory, and conflicting.

People with different views don't work together. Your friendship with her hurts you. She's cold to you.

You thanked her for her kindness and sincerity. But now, you feel pain.

It's time to separate.

You will always be grateful for her help. You will also avoid contact with her.

Time has changed her. This is the pain of ending a relationship. It may take a long time to heal.

I hug you from afar.

We often walk alone. When we walk, we may be saying goodbye to our old selves, leaving our attachments and letting go of the past.

Maybe we'll find friends in the future.

I wish you well. I love you.

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

Perhaps we could begin by considering the nature of your friendship with this person. It seems likely that you and your friend first became close when you were in junior high school and then in college. It's possible that you were initially drawn to each other because you were curious about one another and attracted to each other. During this period, it seems that you both did your best to meet each other's expectations, which may have led to you entering each other's friend circles.

Everyone has a circle of friends, some close and some distant. There are two rings, three rings, or even more, extending outwards from the center of oneself. If you want a friendship to become a deep friendship, it might be helpful to consider whether you share common interests and hobbies, some similar habits, consistent values, similar growth experiences, and so on.

As the original poster wrote, after more than three years, the feelings between us have changed. I'm not sure if it's because we live apart or because of money, but she seems to have distanced herself from me, and I've found myself relying on others for many things.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether there are any differences in our interests. If so, what are they?

Could you kindly shed light on whether there are any differences in our habits? If so, what are they?

Could there perhaps be some differences in values between her and me? If so, what might they be?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what my thoughts were three years ago when I interacted with her, and what they are now. What emotions and feelings do they bring me?

It might be helpful to try to record what our feelings are at the moment. Your writing is only for yourself, so please feel free to write about your feelings honestly and frankly. This could help us understand the causes and effects of emotions and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

Perhaps it would be helpful to talk about boundaries. When it comes to relationships with friends, it's not always necessary to accept everything about them. We can choose to accept the parts of them that make us feel comfortable. Similarly, we can't necessarily expect our friends to buy into all of our demands. It might be helpful to try to adopt this attitude when dealing with each other in an appropriate area.

Given that we cannot get along with every friend in every way, it may be helpful to view our relationships as a self-centered ring that spreads outward, overlapping with different people. At these intersections, we have the opportunity to form friendships. The differences between people determine the overlapping parts that we have with each friend, which can also serve as boundaries within our friendships.

Many emotional and interpersonal psychological problems that are common in today's society may be related to the difficulty of maintaining appropriate boundaries. When our boundaries are violated, our bodies may send out signals such as a faster heartbeat, body heat, restlessness, and sweating.

While we all desire closeness, the ability to help and even bear the pain of others, it is important to recognize that we all have boundaries. It is not that we lack love, but that we may lack the ability to fully acknowledge and abide by them.

As the original poster wrote, for the past year I have been on guard and perfunctory, and I have not done what I said I would do even once. This kind of relationship is not without its challenges, and every time I contact her, I feel a bit down for a while.

Perhaps we could ask ourselves how we felt when she suddenly yelled at me and then invited me to dinner to apologize. Did we feel offended?

Perhaps we could also consider how we felt when she was chatting about annoying things. Did we feel offended?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what we would say and do if we expressed our discomfort with our friends' words or actions.

Sometimes we worry about offending our friends, sometimes we fear damaging the relationship, and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and ignoring some signals that our boundaries are being violated. We are hesitant to establish and maintain our own boundaries and reluctant to protect ourselves. As the original poster wrote, I also know that it is uncomfortable, but I still can't bear to lose this relationship.

It's not always possible to rely on others to protect us. In line with the principle of topic separation, we can't always influence or control the words and actions of our friends. It's also not realistic to expect her to know her limits all the time. Instead, we can take the initiative to take some measures, establish our own boundaries, and clearly express to others when we feel uncomfortable, if necessary by using some warning words and methods.

We can open our hearts and adjust our mood, and try to create a suitable opportunity to have an honest conversation with her. In this conversation, we can express our true feelings, express our discomfort, express what we hope she will do in the future, and also listen to how she feels about spending time with us. If our friend readily accepts this, then we can still happily develop our friendship. If our friend is unable to understand this for the time being, we won't force it.

Ultimately, open and honest communication with friends allows us to release our emotions, gain deeper insight into our friends' perspectives, and ultimately, help us make more informed choices.

I would like to conclude by discussing the concept of acceptance. We all have imperfections and aspects of ourselves that we may not want to confront, which could be considered our "dark side." It is understandable that those around us may not be ready or willing to accept this side of us, and even we ourselves may find it challenging to face.

As a result, we may feel the need to present ourselves in a way that is more appealing to others, which can lead to feelings of exhaustion.

As the original poster wrote, I am afraid of hurting her because I have lost a loved one. However, she has been hurting me, and I really can't stand it anymore. I am considering ending the relationship.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what the ideal self and ideal friendship might be.

Could I perhaps inquire as to what my real needs might be? And what might I do about them?

If you feel you need help, you can also seek support from a family member or friend you trust. If you feel it would be helpful, you can also find a counselor, as talking through your feelings can help you to feel less overwhelmed.

We also try to accept ourselves as we really are, embrace the present moment, and nourish our inner selves. We strive to build our own social support system. When we gain a deeper understanding of life's truths, we can let go of unnecessary burdens, release the tension in our hearts, and maintain a healthy sense of self-care. We recognize that having a stable core allows us to avoid becoming overly dependent on others or letting the opinions of others affect us unduly. Based on the principle of separating issues, we cherish this friendship and respect our friends' habits. We believe that we always have the right to choose.

I would like to suggest the book "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence" as a potential resource.