If I want to change, does that mean I don't accept myself as I am?

I see your problem and I know you want to change and grow. First of all, I want to give you a compliment!

You say it's contradictory to feel accepting of yourself and to want to change yourself. Do you think changing means not accepting yourself and not being confident? Before I answer that, let's answer another question first: who lives in your heart?

Everyone has a room in their heart called the room of the self. This room has two people who want to move in: one is called the future self, and the other is called the present self.

I'd like to know the difference between these two selves.

The present self

If you live in the present moment, you will view problems in the present tense. This forces you to ask yourself whether you should accept yourself.

It's rare to find someone who can accept or reject all aspects of their current self. Most people have aspects of themselves that they can accept and aspects that they cannot.

The current self will defend the part of itself that it can accept. Even if someone gives you advice, you will say, "I enjoy the way I feel right now. I want to be myself."

If you don't accept yourself, you'll lose confidence and feel inferior, timid, and apprehensive. This will affect your performance.

Future self

If the future self lives in your heart, your eyes are always looking forward and you consider any issue based on its impact on the future.

The future self welcomes criticism and suggestions because your vision sees a better self. You know that the better self is the real self. As the ancients said, "To welcome criticism is to welcome joy."

You wholeheartedly embrace anyone and anything that can help you take a step closer to the future self. You are relentless and joyful in your pursuit of hope and goals in your heart.

Make your choice.

I want to know which self you're going to choose to let live in your heart.

You can't just keep your head down and pull the cart. You have to look up and see the road.

When you look forward and into the distance, you'll see that the entanglement in front of you doesn't exist.

I am Teng Ying, a psychological counselor, and I will help you!

Hello, my name is Zeyu, and I'm so happy to connect with you!

If you want to change, it doesn't mean that you don't accept the current you. It just means that you've already accepted the current you.

It's totally normal to feel like accepting yourself and changing yourself are two different things. You're not alone in feeling this way. Sometimes, it can feel like they're two sides of the same coin. On the one hand, you might feel like you're not quite good enough right now. On the other hand, you might feel like you need to make some changes. The thing is, we're always developing and changing. Our perceptions and concepts will shift over time and with various events. And so will our acceptance.

If we're stuck in the same place, it's time to move on. When you feel conflicted, it's because you've grown again. Acceptance is like a protective film, and now it's time to shed this cocoon and grow new wings. I know it can be hard to change, but you've got this!

Let's say, for instance, that you think your current body shape is just fine. You feel like you're totally accepting of yourself. But then, for whatever reason, you start to feel like your body shape could use a change. It's a bit of a contradiction, right? On the one hand, you feel like your body shape is just fine, but on the other hand, you feel like it could be better. On the one hand, you want to change, but changing means overturning your previous acceptance and perception of yourself.

It's so important to remember that acceptance and change don't have to be at odds with each other. After all, change is something we all need from time to time, and acceptance is something we all deserve. So, whether we choose to change or not, it's our decision to make. Acceptance is like a foundation, a container that can accommodate both change and stability. To accept oneself is to embrace the good and the not-so-good, the change and the staying the same.

The desire to change and grow is a true manifestation of accepting oneself. If we don't accept ourselves, we might not want to change because change means that the current self is to be improved and is imperfect. But we can all change! We just need the courage and understanding of an accepting self to help us along the way.

Every growth and change means that the previous self had "problems" to some extent. But having problems does not mean that we don't accept ourselves. Quite the contrary! When we accept ourselves, we're open to growing and changing because we know that a better, more improved version of ourselves will emerge. Even if our current situation is good, wouldn't it be great to keep growing and improving?

I'm rooting for you! You've got this!

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I just love learning! It's such a treasure for the body.

From your description, I can feel your inner doubts, confusion, entanglement, pain, and your strong desire to know the answer. I can see how hard this is for you.

I won't go into all the details of how accepting yourself and changing yourself can sometimes be tricky, but I'd love to share a little bit of what I've learned with you in case it's helpful!

First, true self-acceptance is all about embracing all of your wonderful characteristics, both the good and the not-so-good!

It can also be understood as a person being able to accept their own shortcomings without hating themselves. They feel that they are "good enough," and that's okay! It's not ignorance of one's shortcomings, nor is it an excuse to avoid hard work.

Specifically, if you can accept yourself, you'll accept your body and appearance from the heart. Even if you're not completely satisfied with every aspect of your body, you'll still love it. You'll also protect yourself when you hear negative comments. You'll take in what others say about you objectively and admit your shortcomings. But you won't be harsh on yourself or hate yourself. At the same time, you'll believe in your ability to become better.

As you said in your description, if you feel a little fat and are not particularly satisfied with your figure, but you accept yourself, you will not hate your body and will still love it. If someone says you are fat and has a negative opinion of you, if you accept yourself, you will not blindly deny yourself, but will objectively analyze and rationally view the situation, seeing your shortcomings and flaws. At the same time, you will believe that you can become better through hard work. And you can!

And second, true self-acceptance doesn't mean you can't change.

As we've discussed, self-acceptance isn't about giving up or settling. It's about having the courage to recognize yourself as you are, seeing your true self with clarity, and then setting goals that you can achieve.

If you really feel that you have gained weight, the best thing you can do is set yourself a practical weight loss plan that you can achieve based on this realization, and then put it into practice.

Third, wanting to change yourself is not the same as not accepting yourself. It's totally normal to want to make changes in your life! And it's not a lack of self-confidence either.

True self-acceptance is all about embracing your own flaws and imperfections. It's not about letting them define you or holding yourself back because of them. It's about recognizing that everyone has shortcomings and that's totally normal. It's about understanding that you're worthy of love and growth, and that you can become a better version of yourself. So, when you accept yourself, you're not giving up on yourself. You're building a foundation for becoming the best version of you. And changing yourself doesn't mean you lack confidence. In fact, it's a sign of strength and resilience. It's about pushing past your comfort zone and embracing the uncertainty that comes with growth. It's about allowing yourself to be imperfect and still feel confident in who you are.

I really hope this helps! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one chat.

Hello, I'm Huang Xiaolu, and I'm thrilled to be here!

Your thoughts on accepting and changing yourself are really interesting. It seems like you've thought about this a lot. You want to accept yourself, and you want to appear confident, which is great!

It's been said that we tend to expect ourselves to have something if we lack it. And it's true! People will never stop adjusting to themselves. Even if we don't actively grow and change on our own, we will actively learn from experience and absorb knowledge from the outside world to become a better person. Is this a sign of not loving ourselves? Absolutely not! In fact, as we become better and better, we can feel that we like ourselves more and more.

The great news is that accepting yourself is not just about liking yourself as you are. It's about embracing a deeper, all-encompassing acceptance of yourself. And this acceptance is not stagnant, not without change, not simply loving the current self. It's about loving the ever-changing self and accepting all of yourself!

The good things about me are also mine, as are the bad things. It is the combination of the good and the bad that makes me the unique person I am! For example, when I was slim, I appreciated my body, and when I gained weight, although I wasn't very happy with my current figure, I still accepted my current slightly plump state. I was willing to discover the beauty of being slightly plump, dressed up as usual, and confidently smiled in the face of my changes. If I still long for the slim self inside, I can also tell everyone frankly that I will start dieting for a more beautiful me! I am also grateful for the special experiences and feelings that gaining weight brought me in the past.

You may have questions like this. The most important thing is that you are trying hard to learn to accept yourself, and you feel that you are also trying hard to do so. But you always feel that you are not very satisfied with your current self, and you hope that you can be better, or even change. So we are not really enjoying and accepting our current state. But don't worry! There's a way out.

The confident me is working hard to develop my strengths and avoid the problems caused by my shortcomings. But I accept other people's comments on my shortcomings, because they are definitely mine! My desire to correct my shortcomings is also an expectation of becoming a better person. It is not a lack of confidence or a lack of acceptance of myself, but rather a feeling of love for myself!

So don't worry about what changes you don't like. It's actually very simple: just be yourself, love yourself, and don't waste any energy on it, because you are worthy of being loved, because you are unique!

Thank you so much for reading! If you found it helpful, please click "useful" to show your appreciation. ?

Welcome to the WeChat public account of Yi Psychology, answered by the amazing Huang Xiaolu!

Hello, host!

The host's question is spot on. We always say that we should accept ourselves, become a better version of ourselves, and change ourselves.

This is why people think these two statements are contradictory.

I want to know what it really means to accept yourself.

For example, if I feel fat and want to lose weight,

To accept myself is to not feel fat.

Am I beautiful even if I'm fat?

If I want to lose weight, does that mean I don't accept myself?

To truly accept yourself is to stop attacking yourself, stop consuming yourself, and stop feeling inferior, no matter what state you're in.

Take an objective look at your current situation. I agree with the original poster—I am currently overweight.

The expression of accepting oneself is this: "I think being fat is pretty good. I accept the current degree of my own fatness."

They don't feel inferior because they are fat and can't wear beautiful clothes.

Instead, they confidently choose styles that suit them, regardless of their weight.

This is truly accepting oneself. There is no internal conflict.

They believe that accepting themselves and changing are contradictory.

What is true acceptance of oneself? Wanting to change and grow is

This is a clear sign of a lack of self-acceptance and self-confidence.

Changing oneself means accepting that the current self is good, but recognizing that there is always room for improvement.

They are always living in pain.

They live in constant pain, lacking both the courage and the ability to change themselves, while complaining about their lack of adequacy.

This is self-defeating. You must take practical action to change.

You must either accept it or change it.

Accept what cannot be changed.

If you have problems with this mentality,

Self-acceptance and self-change are not contradictory.

You feel conflicted because you're not taking practical action.

You think it's contradictory because you just want to get a good result.

You need to have a clear goal of how much weight you want to lose and by when if you want to lose weight.

You must have a clear goal and be willing to make real efforts and take action to achieve it.

If you don't take action, you'll never lose weight.

If you're unmotivated, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Change is hard, but if you can't accept yourself as you are, you must change yourself.

You might think that making a change will somehow magically transform you into someone new. It won't.

Doing nothing and waiting to be changed is not an option.

Take the initiative to make changes and completely transform yourself from the person you were before.

Your confidence will show!

I wish you a happy life!

I am Warm June, and I love you, the world!

Hello, dear friend. I see your confusion, and I'm here to help.

I can see you're really struggling with this, but you've managed to express it so clearly, which shows you have a very strong logical thinking ability.

I know it can be confusing at first, but I'm here to help! When we talk about acceptance and change, it's important to understand that they don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. It's easy to think that wanting to change means you don't accept the present situation. But, there's more to it than that!

So, we just need to think about what we mean by "acceptance" and "change."

Li Xiaolai said something really interesting in "The Road to Financial Freedom." He said that the measure of a person's intelligence is the number of clear, precise, and necessary concepts they have in their brain.

I can see how you might be confused. It's easy to think that acceptance means thinking that being fat is good.

My take on it is that even if I keep on putting on weight, I'm still OK with myself and I'm still able to live a great life doing all the things I love.

Maybe being a little chubby is uncomfortable, but I accept myself just the way I am.

(Just like my square face and hunched shoulders, which have always been a bit of a challenge, I can say to myself again with the help of your answer.)

I see your confusion, and I totally get it! I think the key is to understand that change isn't about negating the present — it's about enhancing it. So, for me, being overweight has led me to embrace exercise. And, sure, the result of that could be losing weight, which would be a wonderful bonus.

The result of exercising may be that I eat more and get fatter, and that's OK too! The point is that I enjoyed exercising in the process.

It doesn't matter if I'm fat or thin, it's just a state for me.

Hey there! I've been wondering: what is the concept of "state"?

A state is just a phase, my friend. It's not forever.

So, at this stage, I'm carrying a few extra pounds, and in the next stage, I might be slim and trim. OK, whether I'm chubby or slim, I enjoy every day of my life.

I think this feeling is acceptance.

I don't mind if I stay or go, I'm just happy watching the clouds roll by.

It doesn't matter if I'm fat or thin, I just want to experience life, all of it, the good and the bad.

Hey there! I just wanted to encourage you to get out of your head and into life.

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question. After reading your information and content, I think the question you've asked is very philosophical, and I'm also very interested in answering this type of question.

I believe self-acceptance and self-transformation are two sides of the same coin, two opposites that are also unified. Would it be more accurate to say that they are two sides of the same coin?

On the one hand, it's about self-acceptance, and on the other, it's about self-realization. I get it. Both aspects of acceptance and realization are part of the same thing—the self.

But self-acceptance and self-realization are both goals of humanistic counseling.

In my experience, counselors often focus on self-acceptance when it comes to regrets and a sense of loss about the past. The reality is that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot change the past. When you choose to accept the imperfections of the past, people are more willing to work hard or find other ways to make up for this sense of imperfection.

When it comes to the future, I think it's important to encourage people to achieve self-actualization. After all, the future is full of possibilities. The process of self-actualization not only helps us deal with difficulties and practical problems more effectively, but it also gives us the confidence to face future challenges head-on.

I'd like to tell you a little story. The main character is a third-grade boy who really likes football and has joined the school team. Because his skills are not as good as the other kids on the school team and they are generally older than him, his teammates often laugh at him. He is very frustrated and is advised to practice with everyone else. After learning about this, his mother persuades him, saying, "Since we don't have such a strong talent in football, let's just quit practicing." But the son, who is stubborn, chooses to secretly practice football on his own in an empty field. In this story, the mother's role is to persuade her son to accept himself, and the son's choice is self-realization.

He didn't want to practice because he didn't want to be teased, not because he didn't like football.

Similarly, you choose to lose weight because you want to be healthier, not to avoid teasing. This is the ultimate reason for self-acceptance and self-realization. I'm happy to have an appointment in 1983. The world and I love you!

It appears that the questioner is experiencing difficulty in understanding this question. In my view, however, it is not a particularly challenging concept to grasp. I would therefore like to share some of my thoughts on the matter for the questioner's reference.

In order to understand and accept oneself, it is first necessary to understand what acceptance is. The literal meaning of the term is to accept and include, to accept is to accept, to include is to organize and store. In more colloquial terms, it can be defined as the act of accepting and organizing well in order to put something away (a place where things can be stored). From a psychological perspective, the process of accepting oneself involves accepting the real self and placing this real self in one's heart.

The question thus arises as to what constitutes the "real self." It can be argued that the "real self" is the self that possesses both strengths and weaknesses, exhibiting proficiency in a multitude of domains while also displaying limitations in certain areas. Accepting oneself in one's entirety, encompassing both strengths and weaknesses, is crucial for attaining a comprehensive understanding of the self.

In order to facilitate change, it is essential to first establish a clear purpose. To illustrate, the individual in question posits that being overweight may not only result in social ridicule but also impede physical activity and overall quality of life. Furthermore, it may precipitate the development of hypertension, hyperglycemia, and dyslipidemia, which collectively can compromise health. In such circumstances, it becomes imperative to alter one's physical condition through rigorous exercise and weight loss. This process of transformation can be conceptualized as a targeted rejection of a specific aspect of the self, namely the excess adipose tissue. It is not a rejection of the entire self, but rather a selective rejection of a particular aspect.

In addition to being overweight, other factors that do not affect one's normal life can be accepted without hesitation, without affecting one's sense of integrity and trust in one's true self. At the same time, changing oneself is also for the purpose of gaining more acceptance, which is beneficial to one's current and future life. One can easily face and bear the pressure brought about by change, and such changes can be said not to be in conflict with accepting oneself.

Conversely, if one's current physical and mental state is already relatively stable and harmonious, and one is still attempting to alter one's self, one will have to endure a significant amount of pressure and suffering, which will impact one's ability to study, work, and live a normal life. Attempting to change oneself is akin to denying oneself, and it will lead to significant conflicts with one's ability to accept oneself.

The concepts of self-acceptance and self-improvement are inextricably linked. It is essential to adopt an objective perspective when examining these two aspects. Neither implies that one should refrain from personal growth nor that embracing one's shortcomings is incompatible with a positive self-image. As the world evolves, individuals must adapt their thoughts and behaviors to align with the changing social landscape. This entails recognizing areas for improvement and taking steps to address them, thereby enhancing one's abilities and facilitating a more seamless integration into the present social environment. This process not only enhances one's social competence but also contributes to a more fulfilling personal life.

If the motivation for changing oneself is not to adapt to one's own life, but to cater to the expectations of others, it will inevitably result in a certain degree of pressure and influence on the individual, potentially leading to unnecessary conflicts and disruptions in one's normal life.

Good day, question asker!

I'm pleased to see you asking questions and I admire your willingness to explore.

Perhaps the meaning of life is to find ways to overcome the obstacles that prevent our growth and development at different stages, so that we can continue to evolve and improve.

It is often thought that accepting oneself and changing oneself are two opposing forces. This concept is exemplified by the pursuit of weight loss.

From what you've said, it seems like you're a thoughtful person.

It might be helpful to view accepting yourself as a change on a psychological level. One approach could be to adjust your breathing and calm yourself down.

If I may, I'd like to use your weight loss goal as an example. I currently weigh 120 pounds, and I'm aiming to lose weight to 110 pounds. To achieve this, I exercise daily and monitor my diet.

After a period of time, I weighed myself again and found that my weight had not changed. I continued to exercise and eat a sensible diet, monitoring my weight daily.

Despite my expectations, I did not lose weight, and I was only able to maintain my current weight.

After much effort and consideration, I came to accept that 120 pounds is 120 pounds.

I have come to accept that I am 120 pounds. When I accept this reality, I find that my state of mind also changes. I no longer obsess over it, I no longer weigh myself every day, and I no longer worry about not being able to lose weight.

If I understand you correctly, you believe that I have undergone a change in my behavior and psychological makeup.

When I accept the reality of my obesity, I find that I am no longer influenced by external information about weight loss, nor do I care about external stares and comments.

It seems evident that accepting oneself is the first step towards change. In the next section, we will discuss the process of changing oneself.

I believe that self-transformation is a process of growth, and that it is based on accepting oneself. Without the initial step of accepting oneself, it is difficult to move forward with subsequent transformation.

Rather than accepting yourself as you understand it, which is to admit that this thing is beautiful, accepting yourself is not to admit that it is beautiful, but to consider this thing reasonable.

It is a common misconception that the desire to grow and change oneself is a sign of a lack of self-acceptance or self-confidence. In fact, changing oneself is the result of a change in one's own mindset. It is possible to make changes while remaining accepting, and this is not only a sign of self-confidence, but also of courage.

Perhaps we could take weight loss as an example. When I accept the reality that I can't lose weight below 120 pounds, I no longer feel anxious about the weight. It seems to me that accepting myself means letting go; I don't think that accepting myself means that I think my appearance is perfect.

I've come to a place of peace with my weight and appearance. My mind is at ease. I still exercise and maintain a healthy diet, but my motivation has shifted.

Could I ask for your thoughts on whether insisting on exercising and controlling my diet might still be a sign of a lack of self-acceptance and self-confidence?

I would be very happy if my answer resonates with you.

My name is Chu Mingdeng, and I would like to extend my love and respect to the world.

Good morning, I am the place of peace.

I am unsure if self-acceptance and self-improvement are mutually exclusive. Would asking myself to change mean that I am not accepting myself?

If I can fully accept myself, why should I consider making changes? Is this not a contradiction?

You have such insightful reflections, and at the same time, you can courageously express your doubts, which is highly commendable.

First, let us define the term "self-acceptance."

Self-acceptance is the ability to embrace one's current state of being, including both positive and negative aspects. It entails recognizing the value in one's strengths and accepting the challenges that come with any situation.

Self-acceptance is the ability to understand oneself as a multifaceted individual and to coexist with the inherent complexity of that identity.

In essence, when we discuss self-acceptance, we are essentially telling ourselves that regardless of external circumstances, whether positive or negative, successful or unsuccessful, happy or unhappy, depressed or relaxed, angry or joyful, or whether we are overweight or underweight, or tall or short, etc., we should accept these aspects of ourselves unconditionally.

It should be noted that acceptance does not imply acquiescence. Self-acceptance is a vital step in the process of self-growth and self-empowerment.

"If I wish to lose weight, does that mean I am not accepting of myself?"

Perhaps we can understand it this way: I am currently carrying a few extra pounds, and that is acceptable. However, I also believe that I would benefit from a slight reduction in weight. Can I take the initiative to make changes to improve my overall health while accepting my current situation?

When you accept the status quo, you will find that your courage and perseverance to change are stronger and more lasting.

Once self-acceptance is achieved, it is possible to focus undistractedly on each moment of the present, devote oneself to self-awareness and self-exploration, and thereby achieve a better and stronger self. This can only occur when we are no longer influenced by the opinions, evaluations and comparisons of others, and when we are free from the interference of the outside world.

I am unsure if my response will clarify the issue. I look forward to your feedback.

Hello! Why not try a different approach?

Acceptance is facing up to your own problems head-on. It's about recognizing that you can make mistakes and then taking the initiative to identify what kind of mistakes you've made, how to correct them, and what you can do to turn these mistakes into valuable lessons.

Embrace your flaws! Accept that you cannot change them, and recognize how big their impact really is. Don't let them become an excuse for all the things you never get around to doing.

Therefore, self-acceptance-yet-still-struggle-to-accept-the-past-self-9544.html" target="_blank">acceptance and change are not parallel, and there's absolutely no contradiction! Acceptance is the foundation of change, and it's about removing the obstacles that stand in the way of your change.

The reason the OP feels a contradiction is that many people now have a wrong understanding of acceptance, and have turned acceptance into a way to put on a show. This is an easy fix!

It's totally reasonable to think that people are imperfect. And you know what? That's okay! You don't have to face up to and correct your shortcomings. All you have to do is accept yourself, and you're already halfway there!

If that is the case, then there's nothing to change! Just lie down and give up. But they have never really tried to change themselves before they just lie down and give up.

I really suggest replacing the slightly mild word "accept" with something like "face squarely."

The world is your oyster! No one will hold it against you if you try your best and things don't work out. The world is kind to those who dare to act!

Embrace the journey of self-discovery and take every step to become the best version of yourself!

Hello, questioner! I saw your question and I'm here to help! The little flying fish float ball is here to answer all your questions and I hope it can help.

I always feel that accepting myself is in conflict with changing myself — but it doesn't have to be!

Embrace your strengths and work on your weaknesses! It's not about being perfect, it's about being the best you can be. For instance, if you're a people-pleaser who always helps others, you can still say no without feeling guilty. You can still take care of yourself and your own needs.

The great news is that accepting yourself and changing yourself are not mutually exclusive. Accepting does not mean changing!

You accept that you are fat, and you get to decide whether to lose weight or not!

So, let's dive right in and talk about what criteria you use to judge whether you are fat. For example, if you weigh more than 60 kg, do you consider yourself fat?

If you talk about body shape, what standard do you use to determine whether someone is fat?

In fact, everyone has their own definition of fat, which is great because it means we can all be our own judges! Some people think they are fat if they are a little overweight, but there's no reason why you can't think otherwise!

Absolutely! You should evaluate whether you are fat based on your body type, height, and weight.

The great news is that if you are slightly overweight, as long as it does not affect your life, you can just keep it at the original level! There is absolutely no need to insist on losing weight.

It's not that just because you want to lose weight, you don't accept that you are fat. There is a big difference between acceptance and acceptance!

It's not about accepting that you're fat. It's about accepting that you want to lose weight! Do you understand?

Let's dive in!

So, what exactly is truly accepting oneself? Is wanting to change and grow not enough to show that one accepts oneself and is not confident enough? Absolutely not! There's so much more to it than that!

I don't know what it means to truly accept myself, but I'm excited to find out! Accepting yourself means uniting your body and mind, unifying your thoughts, actions, and intentions, and observing your strengths and weaknesses as one. Accepting yourself means allowing your imperfections to exist, as long as they don't affect your life and work, and as long as you don't want to change them. Just knowing that they exist is enough! This is what is meant by acceptance.

?‍♂️Do you want to change and grow? Of course you do! We all have aspirations in life and we all want to change ourselves to make our lives more comfortable. This is a normal phenomenon and it's not at all contradictory to accepting yourself. Acceptance mostly refers to the mistakes you have made or unfinished events that have not been addressed. We need to reorganize and solve it, and this is the process of acceptance.

When you have sorted things out and found that there is nothing wrong with your actions, you have resolved the matter and forgotten it, erasing it from your thoughts. This is accepting yourself, completing unfinished events, having no regrets, and resolving the knot in your heart. It's a fantastic feeling! Can you understand this explanation?

Absolutely! In the process of accepting ourselves, we will definitely discover something. Whether to change or not depends entirely on one's willingness. Can you understand this?

I love you, world of psychology!

Good day, My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

Thank you for sharing your concerns and confusion on this platform. Your question, "If I want to change and grow, does that mean I don't accept myself enough and I lack self-confidence?" is a valid one. Many individuals believe that accepting oneself and changing oneself are mutually exclusive. For instance, some people feel that accepting themselves means not feeling fat, and that being fat is a form of beauty. Conversely, wanting to lose weight is often seen as a lack of self-acceptance.

"You believe this concept is inherently contradictory. How should we approach this matter?

Does change necessitate a rejection of one's current identity?

In response to your question, I will assist you in analyzing and sorting it out.

[Definition of Self-Acceptance]

"It refers to an individual's positive attitude towards the self and all its characteristics, an attitude that readily accepts the real self. Self-acceptance is an important criterion of an individual's psychological health." [1] (Theory from Baidu Baike)

The meaning of self-change

Self-transformation or self-improvement is the ongoing pursuit of enhancement in one's character, talents, skills, state of health, or experience of happiness, with the objective of facilitating long-term growth and progress.

"Acceptance is a state of awareness and perception of oneself. Change is an internal process that manifests externally. Only when knowledge and action are aligned can one truly achieve self-acceptance."

A common misunderstanding of self-acceptance is the idea that one should simply accept oneself as they are.

"I'm fine, I'm perfect!"

"Everything is fate; there is no benefit in struggling."

"Being overweight is also a form of beauty, so why lose weight?"

The relationship between acceptance and change

There is no inherent contradiction between these two perspectives; rather, they can be mutually reinforcing in the pursuit of self-improvement.

From initially not accepting yourself to accepting yourself is a kind of change in itself. Acceptance is an attitude. Accepting all the good and bad in yourself is precisely because you have accepted yourself, recognized your true self, and listened to your heart that you know you have so much to improve. This is truly self-improvement and progress. Changes that do not accept are always symptomatic and do not treat the root cause. They may only bring about more new problems.

Re-examine the issue of weight loss according to the above logic: 1. Accept your current physical state. 2. Realize that being overweight can lead to more physical problems.

[Continue striving for self-improvement]

Everyone has their own definition of a beautiful life, and self-acceptance is the foundation for pursuing self-improvement. The adage "the stupid bird can fly first" and "the ugly duckling can become a swan" applies here. You may have limitations, but you can still strive to overcome them. You may have physical challenges, but you can still prioritize your health and fitness. You may have aesthetic concerns, but you can still learn to dress yourself well.

While our origins are beyond our control, we can take steps to enhance our performance in our current environment, enrich our lives, and strive for excellence. I hope you have a wonderful life.

I hope this response is helpful. Best regards, [Name]

Dear host, I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

This is an effective way to conceptualize the matter. I was previously troubled by this as well, but then I realized that the reason I felt that the two were in conflict was because I had not yet determined the sequence in which they should be undertaken. Indeed, the capacity for change and constant growth is intrinsic to our human nature. We all possess the need and potential for self-realization. Therefore, the aspiration to become better is a trait that is inherent in our genetic makeup, as it is only through this process that humans can progress and each generation can surpass the previous one.

There is nothing inherently problematic about the desire to become a better version of oneself. However, the prerequisite for meaningful change is self-acceptance. In essence, there are two fundamental approaches to self-change: one is to persistently deny one's true self, driven by an inherent dislike and lack of self-acceptance, and then attempt to make changes; the other is to embrace one's true self and then make changes based on that acceptance.

It can be argued that both states may ultimately result in a change of outcomes. However, to maintain these results or to achieve long-term change, it is necessary to make changes based on self-acceptance.

If changes are made due to a lack of self-acceptance and self-esteem, the resulting internal pressure can be overwhelming. The energy expended on self-denial can intensify feelings of self-disparagement, thereby reducing the likelihood of positive change.

However, if one makes an effort to change oneself on the basis of self-acceptance, one gains a deeper understanding of oneself and experiences less internal conflict. As a result, one's energy is then directed more toward change and actions that align with one's desired identity.

To illustrate, if an individual perceives an increase in body weight and desires to lose weight, it is not necessary to negate this reality or deceive oneself into believing that one is not overweight. Instead, it is essential to genuinely accept one's current body weight, recognize that this is a current state of being, and then fully accept this self-perception. This entails understanding the underlying causes of one's weight gain and living in harmony with one's body type. Once this foundation is established, it will no longer be necessary to constantly criticize one's weight and feel self-disparaging. Instead, one can begin to identify a direction and, with anticipation, take actions and work towards an ideal self that is grounded in the acceptance of one's realistic body type.

At this juncture, it will become evident that concern about self-acceptance and confidence is no longer necessary. The acceptance of oneself is a prerequisite for growth and change, which are natural processes. This understanding is both encouraging and optimistic.

Consequently, one will come to recognize that self-acceptance is not merely about indulging oneself or merely getting by; rather, it is about adopting a positive attitude toward one's entire self.

Some individuals utilize the phrase "letting things take their course" to circumvent the challenges and impediments encountered in life. However, they seldom acknowledge that genuine letting things take their course entails not exerting undue influence, but rather, allowing circumstances to unfold naturally.

Some individuals utilize the concept of self-acceptance as a rationale for "giving up on themselves." This phenomenon can be attributed to the fact that when confronted with challenges and setbacks, as well as the imperfections inherent to the human experience, individuals often lack the confidence and inner strength to confront these difficulties head-on. Instead, they tend to resort to escapism and self-deception.

The individual suffering from anxiety who is unable to leave their residence and is reluctant to work may initially perceive the psychologist's recommendation to accept themselves as an endorsement of their current state. This may lead to the assumption that, as they are unable to engage in work or social activities, there is no need to pursue change. In the future, if circumstances permit, they may choose to leave their residence. Alternatively, if this is not feasible, they may conclude that this is an acceptable outcome. Ultimately, they may perceive that accepting their current circumstances is the only viable option.

This is not an accurate representation of self-acceptance.

Such an approach, however, does not constitute genuine self-acceptance.

Genuine self-acceptance does not entail self-indulgence; rather, it entails a positive attitude towards oneself. In order to facilitate constant breakthroughs and gradual change, it is essential to confront reality and allow oneself the time to adapt. There is no need to hasten the process; acceptance and change are both processes that require time.

Ultimately, self-acceptance entails confronting one's authentic self and then building upon that foundation through continued growth and improvement.

As previously stated, when an individual is unable to leave their residence to engage in occupational and social activities due to anxiety, it is essential to acknowledge this circumstance as the initial and pivotal step towards transformation. Nevertheless, despite these limitations, there is still potential for growth and improvement.

It is important to recognize that change is not a rapid process and to accept the potential for negative experiences when leaving the house. Allowing oneself time to adjust is essential. Believing that accepting the current situation can facilitate the gradual overcoming of fear and the transition to a new life is also crucial.

It is my hope that the above will prove to be of some assistance. Best wishes,