I'm 14 years older than my younger brother. My mother says he picked up all my bad habits?

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question.

From your statements, I understand that you are upset. You feel that your mother's comments are unfair and that your parents have not fulfilled their responsibilities. You believe that they have placed the blame on you unfairly. This is a frustrating situation.

It is important to ascertain whether your anger is truly directed at your mother's words, or if there are underlying psychological needs that are causing this reaction. These needs may include a desire for parental favoritism, a sense of parental uncertainty and appreciation, or a perception of parental failure to set a good example.

It is also important to have a clear understanding of your own identity and values so that you can maintain a sense of self-respect and avoid becoming defensive or angry in the face of criticism. For instance, if Xiaocao were to recognize that she is a grass plant, she would not be concerned about being labeled as unflower-like or lacking in beauty. She would simply focus on her own identity and the value she brings to the situation.

"I will be a good little grass plant, greening the ground and stabilizing the soil."

If your mother makes statements such as these, you have the option of consistently expressing your feelings and thoughts to her in order to demonstrate the impact her words have had on you. It is my hope that, should she wish to make changes, she will begin by addressing her own behavior and assist your brother in breaking some of his less constructive habits.

It would be beneficial to strive to be a good person, demonstrate a certain degree of self-discipline, set a positive example, and influence your brother in a constructive manner. Ultimately, if your brother is able to make these changes, it will contribute to a more harmonious family dynamic.

I wish you the best of luck.

You are 14 years older than your brother, which is quite a significant age difference. Your mother often suggests that your brother may have picked up some of his less desirable habits from you.

I can only imagine how you must feel when you hear your mother say that.

From my perspective as an outsider, it seems that her heart is like that of a child.

It would have been interesting to observe how children interact with one another. It seems that if one child makes a mistake, there is a tendency to blame the other child, with statements such as "I did everything right" or "It's your fault."

It is understandable that younger children may find it challenging to accept responsibility for their actions. They may resort to passing the blame on to others to avoid feelings of anxiety.

Could it be that your mother and brother's reactions are similar?

It seems fair to say that the people who have the greatest influence on a child are always its parents.

This is something we can all agree on.

I wonder if I might ask why your mother always seems to blame you.

It's possible that she may have an underlying feeling that she could be doing a better job, but is struggling to acknowledge this, which might lead her to blame you.

If you are not at home, your mother may look for someone else to blame, such as your father. As you are her daughter, it may be easier for her to blame you. Unfortunately, the blame has been placed on you.

It is perfectly acceptable to decline the offer that is made to you.

If you decline the offer presented by your mother, she may become upset and accuse you. For instance, she might suggest that you get married quickly if you refuse. This is likely a way for her to express her frustration.

It is possible that you may encounter some resistance from your mother as you refuse, and she may feel a little uneasy.

"It seems that my daughter may not fully recognize her role in influencing her brother's habits. I wonder if I should acknowledge the possibility that I may have missed an opportunity to educate my son effectively.

It is possible that this is the subconscious worry of the mother.

If I may kindly request, please hold on a little longer during this process.

It is important to remember that the responsibility for educating your younger brother has never been yours. It is essential to maintain a positive and constructive mindset, and to act and speak in a way that reflects this belief.

As an older sister, you have the opportunity to influence your younger brother through your words and actions. However, it is up to him to decide whether to accept these and learn from them.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that he is the one responsible for his bad habits.

It might be helpful to return the troubles that are not yours to others, and allow them to live their lives as they wish.

Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on yourself.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I would like to extend a warm greeting to you.

Based on the information provided, I have compiled the following points for your consideration:

1. Your mother believes that your sister is responsible for guiding and raising your brother, and you are also attempting to consciously influence your brother to develop positive habits. At this juncture, your mother will assert that your brother's habits are a direct result of your influence.

2. Your mother and brother offer more criticism than praise, and have even resorted to verbal attacks, stating that you are worthless.

3. Your parents have expressed their desire to influence you and your younger brother to develop good study habits, but they have not yet done so themselves.

Additionally, you may experience a slight depletion in energy. However, your willingness to share this challenge and seek assistance demonstrates your commitment to implementing changes and fostering an open and tolerant mindset.

Regarding the presence of a younger sibling in the family, I have an 8-year age difference. I developed a passion for reading and consistently ranked in the top three in my class. My reading habits set a positive example for my younger brother, who, however, did not share my interest in reading.

My mother also instructed me to provide guidance to my younger brother. However, each time I attempted to offer assistance, he would request that I do so for him. As a result, my younger brother did not complete high school.

I also failed my senior year and only went to a regular undergraduate college. Therefore, we must exercise caution when making assumptions, such as the notion that a positive family environment will inevitably result in well-adjusted children, or that a sibling's conduct will automatically mirror that of their sibling.

These assumptions have resulted in missed opportunities to gain a deeper understanding of individuals. It is important to recognize that everyone possesses unique traits and capabilities.

I believe that success is not achieved in isolation. It is our strengths that allow us to develop and grow. My younger brother, for example, did not enjoy studying but began working at an early age. Through a process of continuous improvement, he developed a passion for street workout and trained himself to become a fitness instructor by the end of last year.

My younger brother is adept at forming relationships and has a large network of contacts. However, I am driven to expand my knowledge further and have identified this as my area of expertise. After ten years of dedicated service, I recently resigned in pursuit of opportunities to advance in my chosen field.

Firstly, it is important to note that your mother's perception of your brother's habits is influenced by a cognitive bias. This bias is a natural adaptation to life's circumstances and is not easily changeable. However, it is not necessary to take her words at face value.

Your brother's habits are not entirely related to yours, so naturally your habits are not entirely related to your parents' either. Frequently, we discuss the family of origin, but I would argue that we should not attribute everything, good or bad, to it. Circumstances will affect people, but there are so many factors that influence a person's life. I believe that fate is in one's own hands.

Secondly, the original poster has already experienced this. When facing criticism and suppression, and being told that you have no merits, it can lead to feelings of being lost inside. And the more this happens, the more reluctant we are to change, the more we want to rebel, and even defy. This is also one of the most challenging aspects of the education process.

I would like to share one thing: sometimes it is difficult to be a good mother, and it is even more difficult to be a good educator. Naturally, it is also difficult to be a good sister. It is important to be aware that excessive television viewing or computer use is not beneficial. You may wish to inform your younger brother of this, but he may not listen to you. Your mother also knows that reading is beneficial, but you may not always heed her advice.

It is not feasible to wait until one is perfect to educate one's younger siblings and parents, or to educate one's children. I have two children, and I ask myself if I am very patient and willing to learn, but I still get angry when I cannot reach a good consensus with my children when they misbehave or deliberately argue with me. It is clear that none of us are perfect educators.

In response to the original poster's question, I have also reflected on my own situation. It is important to recognise the positive aspects of a situation and to acknowledge the good in people who may appear to have no positive qualities. Affirmation and praise can play an important role in this process. This is the beginning of a reversal.

Thirdly, your mother is keen for you to get married soon, but you have other plans. When you are not ready to get married, is it because you do not want to fall in love or because you want to stay at home?

The most crucial step for adults is to establish their independence from their parents. This entails having their own independent space and decisions, no longer seeking parental guidance on every matter, and developing their own identity. While parents provide us with our physical bodies, it is our responsibility to shape our own souls and futures.

What strategies can be employed to enhance one's personal effectiveness?

I hope my input has been helpful. I also hope that the individual in question can continue to reflect on themselves and their family. Shortcomings cannot be changed overnight, but the positive aspects can be identified if one is willing to look. When we see more and more positive aspects, the negative aspects are diluted. We don't have to create a lot; simply identifying, understanding, and accepting already has a great power.

If you feel stuck in a challenging situation, take a moment to relax and remind yourself of your worth. There's no need to struggle when there are opportunities for growth and innovation in the broader landscape.