Is it better to have a pig as a teammate than no teammate at all? How do you run a strong-woman, weak-man household?

Hello, question asker.

I give you a warm hug. You are a strong woman, and you will find that no matter how successful you are in your career, you are still a strong person. You may not be dominant, but you can hold the world in your hands and accommodate the sun and the moon.

[How to run a marriage]

This issue is a bit like running a company. You need to set business objectives, strategies, and a division of labor. Having children and passing on the family name is a standard business objective of marriage. You need a stable income and a mature and stable personality to provide children with a good education and life. Boys may not have learned the strength of a man from their fathers, but you also have to see the value of a man who is willing to admit his mistakes.

Two people with complementary personalities supporting each other in married life is a beautiful thing.

Your parents may not have set a good example, which is why you still have doubts about how to run a marriage after entering into one. This is a good thing because it allows you to minimize the negative effects of your original family and sever some of the bad things passed down from generation to generation through mutual growth and effort. You should read more, learn more, and communicate more. Here are some recommended books for you: "The Art of Love" teaches you to understand the essence of love, and "The Art of Feeling Love and Finding Happiness in Intimacy" teaches you to repair the deep wounds in your heart during intimate interactions.

A book on nonviolent communication will teach you how to achieve good communication in the family in an equal and respectful manner.

Life will always present various problems, and intimate relationships will also encounter challenges. Adopt an attitude of curiosity, learning, and humility. Acknowledge that we have a lot to learn about marriage, and we can always move towards a bright future. I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili, and I am confident my answers will help you. Bless you.

Hello, question asker.

Your words paint a picture. The woman is calm and in control, while the man is emotional and vulnerable.

I don't know which role you play in this scene. If you are the woman, I feel sorry for you.

You have taken on a lot of responsibility in the family, and this man cannot share it with you. You are carrying the entire burden on your shoulders.

Let's first examine the specific episode you described. I have identified two crucial twists in it.

The woman discovered the man's deceit and confronted him about it. She was enraged, and I anticipated a heated altercation. However, I did not anticipate the first twist: the two of them ceased communication and the man retreated to another room, sobbing.

This is not what we expect to happen. If you were that woman, you would be confused at first. You would not understand why it was like that.

This is precisely what I have studied in the school of communication analysis.

Next, the man started attacking, and the woman fought back. I was certain the two would continue arguing, but I was wrong. The man started talking about his grievances, and the woman could no longer bear to argue with him. Instead, she felt remorse, guilt, and fear, and comforted the man.

The man finally admits his fault and promises to make amends.

The original poster didn't say so, but I'm certain this pattern will continue to play out in this family in the future.

This is a typical "mind game."

There are three roles in the "mind game": persecutor, victim, and savior.

Let's analyze the above process in detail.

1. When a woman discovers that a man has lied to her and has evidence to prove it, she becomes the persecutor, while the man also displays the state of a victim, feeling aggrieved, not speaking, and beginning to cry.

2. The man then attacks the woman, and the roles switch: the man becomes the persecutor and the woman the victim.

3. The man starts complaining about his grievances again, and the woman feels guilty. The man once again transforms into a victim, while the woman stops arguing with the man and turns to comfort him, becoming his rescuer.

This process cannot be simply summarized as the strong versus the weak.

Next, we will examine the benefits men gain from this "mind game."

As a result of this transformation, the man is now the victim and can avoid taking responsibility for his previous lies. In fact, he doesn't have to take much responsibility because he is also aggrieved and a "victim."

This transformation process turns the woman from the one who initially identified the problem and had the evidence in her hands into a persecutor and savior. The woman is no longer justified, but instead feels that she has wronged the man and put him in a difficult position.

We must find a solution.

I will share my thoughts for the questioner's reference because more background information is needed to be more targeted.

1. First, stop playing the role in the "mind game."

As a woman, you can communicate with a man more effectively when you're sincere and don't have the mentality of wanting to correct him or catch him in the act. Help him solve the problem.

I am neither the persecutor nor the savior. I am simply someone who wants to look at the problem of lying with the man.

Men need to feel less pressure to face their problems like adults and have the courage to deal with them.

2. When faced with problems, men often withdraw and blame women to avoid facing their own issues. This needs to be addressed.

A man lying on the ground crying like a child is a clear indication that he has experienced significant challenges in his past and has learned to cope with them in this way.

Professional psychological counseling is the best way to solve these deep-seated problems.

3. I understand how stressful it is to be a woman and face pressure from all sides at home.

It's worth thinking about: if women took on less, it would give men more opportunities. Let him take on his responsibilities for the family too.

At the beginning, he may be frustrated and unable to shoulder family responsibilities without your help. But this is a process, and you have to allow him to mature slowly.

If he never had the chance to grow up on his own, you can't keep shouldering so many family responsibilities all by yourself. It's too exhausting.

Finally, I want to be clear that while it is necessary to take care of each other in a family, it is even more essential to take care of yourself. Each person must take responsibility for their own actions, grow together, and support each other. This is an important factor in maintaining a close and lasting relationship.

You will move forward with a light heart, facing the future together with a partner, rather than being alone in the storm.

The question of whether it is better to have a teammate or not is related to how you feel and perceive the loneliness of life. This is another major topic that we can discuss separately.

I am Wang Xuejing, a psychological counselor. If you need one, I am available for an in-depth exchange.

Hello! I'm really interested in learning how to manage a marriage where the woman is strong and the man is weak.

1. A balanced relationship in marriage is the goal!

Let's dive right in and explore this question together: Why is the other person so weak? And more importantly, why did you fall in love with each other in the first place?

The wonderful thing about women is that they're so rational! When they encounter problems, they always try to think rationally and ignore their own feelings. They're not willing to express their inner emotions, and the part they lack is just presented in men, becoming the perfect self that the two people complete together.

The so-called "strong" and "soft" in this context are actually life skills! Women rely on strength to survive the anxiety of being vulnerable, while men use vulnerability to survive the anxiety. The perfect cooperation of the two becomes a balanced relationship—and it's a beautiful thing to behold!

When a man starts to argue and cry like a hurt child, it's called psychological manipulation. I am the child, I feel innocent. At this time, the woman steps in and takes on the role of a mother, constantly blaming the child and justifying the child. The two people work together to complete this interactive relationship.

Men cry and feel aggrieved, and at this time, women come over to comfort and coax them, and the men apologize. Looking back to the beginning, do women want the other person to admit their mistakes or do they want the other person to be nice to them?

2. The power imbalance in a marriage presents an incredible opportunity for both people to rediscover their own needs!

In an unequal power dynamic, it's crucial to consistently demonstrate your rightness and the other person's wrongness. This often leads to a series of intriguing psychological games, where one person asserts, "I am stronger than you, you are too weak." The strong person thrives on learning and growth, while the weak person can simply relax and let things unfold. The strong person gains strength from the weak person's cooperation, while the weak person may feel a bit lost when they see the other person gaining ground.

Now for the really exciting part! Let's dive into the development process of this relationship model.

3. It's time to break the original interaction model!

Role reversal: If you don't want to continue with this marriage, you can switch roles! It's a great way to see things from a different perspective. Man and woman can take on each other's role, experience each other's feelings and their own feelings, and communicate with each other about their inner thoughts. This will make each other realize that it is not easy for either of them, that it is really tiring, and that neither is truly themselves. But it's also a great way to find new solutions!

Guess what! Women really aren't that strong. It's not that they don't need men, but they also have vulnerable areas that need men to protect them.

And guess what? Your man is not weak. He has his own strong points!

This is an amazing new understanding of each other! The woman needs to find the man's strong points and amplify them, and the man needs to see the woman's weak points and protect them.

This will become a brand-new, perfectly balanced relationship—a mutually supportive relationship where there is no right or wrong, no good or bad. It's going to be a whole new relationship model for the family!

By getting to know each other and yourself again, understanding why you're strong and weak, and what's good and bad for you, opening up to each other, overcoming your inner fears, and facing your partner and saying that you're safe with each other, you'll have the happiest marriage ever!

The above description is very vivid.

They're not bad teammates.

My personal feeling is that marriage is a dance for two.

It must be a mutual presentation from both sides, and the whole process is a give-and-take process.

Simply put,

You agree to marry him, and he agrees to marry you. You two have reached an agreement, and it's fine to be accomplices.

This is fate.

To put it more colloquially, a broken pot has its own lid.

Tell me, what attracted you to him in the first place? And what attracted him to you?

He's irresponsible and selfish. He's always complaining and never takes responsibility for his actions.

You were strong and rational throughout the process.

Was this what attracted you to each other in the first place? You think he is a man with such delicate emotions.

He is a gentle and considerate person.

He will think she is a beautiful, pretty woman with firmness and reason. He will also think she can maintain a good family.

I believe there is mutual attraction, and I think the other person has advantages we don't. What was an attraction at the beginning may now seem like a fatal flaw.

Next, we'll talk about getting along.

You're lying. I have proof.

He needs to be understood and empathized with. He's crying with grief because he's so aggrieved.

You need to be honest with me and frank with me.

He needs to understand me, tolerate me, comfort me, and take care of my emotions.

And finally, they reach an agreement. You understand him, and he knows he was wrong.

If you're not happy, go back to the beginning. What attracted you to him in the first place? What attracted him to you? Is that attraction still there?

If you are not satisfied with your relationship, sit down and communicate. You can get to know each other better and understand the situation.

Understand each other's expectations and make the necessary adjustments.

Marriage is a dance for two, and it requires two people to dance together.

There is absolutely no problem with either the man being the breadwinner and the woman being the homemaker, or vice versa.

Communication, construction, and adjustment must be positive.