It's as if she doesn't understand. Why doesn't my mother trust me?

Your mother, as an elder, may also be concerned about her appearance. This means that she won't openly acknowledge the favor, even if she has received it. This is something many people do in life. Because she is an elder, even if you have helped her or she has wronged you in some way, the other party will not directly say thank you or sorry to your face.

In Asian culture, it's seen as polite to maintain the dignity of an elder. If parents do something wrong, they'll often respond by asking if their children have eaten yet. If they get help from their children, they may thank them, or they may not say anything at all. It's just what you're supposed to do, according to public order and good customs.

A lot of things are taken for granted. You originally wanted to help your mother lower her blood sugar.

I've done a lot of reading and traveled a long way, so I have some better experiences to share with him. As a result, at this time, he is more inclined to believe that it is a good result caused by her doctor adding a prescription.

Instead, she thinks the tonic you recommended has helped her. So from her perspective, she doesn't really trust you. She may think it was the doctor's help that allowed her blood sugar to drop, rather than your help that allowed her to feel better.

Maybe it's because the doctor has been seeing him for a long time, so there's a celebrity effect.

So your mother trusts this doctor more. In your mother's eyes, this doctor is like a celebrity. She'll think her words and actions are golden rules. As a junior, you're still a step below in terms of backup, so there's a natural cultural barrier here, that is, a generation gap. Elders usually don't think the words of juniors will have much gold content.

After all, the older generation has been around the block a few more times than the younger generation. They've eaten more meals than the younger generation has salt. The medicinal herbs you give them won't have any bad effects.

It's also frustrating to be told that the prescription you gave her doesn't matter and that she might stop using it after a while.

Maybe you could have both parties keep an eye on her blood sugar after she stops taking the herbs for a while. If it keeps dropping, it might mean the doctor's herbs aren't doing much. So, you should still try to talk to your mom in a calm way so you can both figure out what's going on.

But your mother still has a lot of trust in this doctor, so let's not suddenly rock the boat. The parent-child relationship still needs to be carefully nurtured. Best wishes.

ZQ?

Apart from this, I'd love to hear more about your mother's attitude towards you in other matters! Do you think she trusts you?

After her husband's blood sugar returned to normal after taking the recipe, the hostess immediately thought of her mother and bought all the ingredients needed for the recipe and sent them to her mother. This shows that the hostess loves her mother very much and cares about her health—what a wonderful thing to do!

As soon as she finds something that is good for her mother's health, she immediately shares it with her. At this moment, perhaps the questioner is thinking more about her mother's health than about convincing her, but she's also thinking about how happy she is to be able to help!

"Let her boil the water and drink it according to the proportions I gave, because most of them are tonic herbs, like ginseng and American ginseng, so if they don't lower the sugar, there won't be any bad effects." From this sentence, it can be seen that when the questioner suggested that her mother use your recipe, she was open to the idea that it might not work—but she was also excited to try it!

And she was ready for the chance that it might not work.

I'm thrilled to tell you that after drinking your prescription, her bowels became regular and her blood sugar level dropped. This is very encouraging!

When I thought, "My husband can try to reverse the situation by stopping the medication for a period of time today," I was so excited to continue expanding the "achievements" on the mother's side!

My mother was so pleased with the results of your method that she didn't even mention the benefits! She attributed the improvement to the doctor, who had been treating her for over a year. My mother is convinced that the doctor's addition of a blood sugar-lowering medication is the reason for her success.

If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But the questioner also senses from her mother's words that "she might just give it a try and then stop." This is not only uncertain, but it's also an opportunity for a new approach!

From the very beginning, the questioner had no expectations. Then, lo and behold, there was a pleasant surprise! Expectations grew, the results were denied, and then there was a complete denial. Few people can accept this development process immediately without any emotional reaction.

This is especially true when these changes come from someone you care about!

This shows that the questioner is eager to do something for her mother and win her recognition. She wants her mother to feel her "usefulness" and be proud to have such a daughter!

It doesn't matter how effective the recipe is on your mother, or how effective it is. What's important is that your mother doesn't seem to see her daughter's hard work or her love for her. And it almost "knocked it over," which made her daughter sad. But don't worry! This is an easy fix.

I'm absolutely certain my mother believes in her daughter! If she didn't, she certainly wouldn't have rejected your recipe from the start and not even given it a try.

The good news is that this could simply be a limitation of the mother herself, making her reluctant to believe that her daughter is "better" (more effective) than the doctor.

At the end of the day, it's up to each of us to believe in ourselves, even if others don't. The question asker just needs to do what they want to do. After all, your original intention was not to make others believe in you.

I'm thrilled to have been of service! I truly hope that my reply has been helpful in some way. Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing, just like always.

♥Balance your expectations.

After reading the questioner's description, it is clear that these two people are the closest in their lives. As the closest people, you have already made a choice without leaving your mother the opportunity to choose. It is normal for your mother not to recognize the effect of the prescription you provided. However, your mother is first a person with emotional needs, and only secondly does she play the role of a mother.

❀Put yourself in her shoes. If we were the mother in this situation, we would understand her. The child she raised with so much effort suggested that she be treated by a doctor after learning that her blood sugar was high, but when her husband encountered the same situation, he acted as if he had mastered the art of knowing everything, even the formula.

It doesn't matter what the result is. What matters is that you do it with all your heart. That's the foundation of a mother's sadness.

People become fearful when they reach a certain age. We often mistakenly believe that the more experiences we have, the stronger and more resilient our hearts will become. In fact, this is not the case. The more experiences a person has, the more humble, fearful, and afraid they become. They need more attention and care from the outside world. When there is obvious discrimination and treatment, there is definitely a sense of loss within, so we should understand our mothers.

♥ Choose the right way to show your love for your mother.

We must respect our nature as a person. As human beings, we have various aspirations and hopes. The role of a mother may cause our hearts to adjust slightly, giving rise to more love, but it does not make us so great that we forget our own needs. This situation becomes more and more obvious when living conditions are good.

The mother already has a minor physical problem, so daily care and the degree of importance we attach to her can give her a greater sense of inner balance and the significance of raising children for so many years. The questioner should concentrate on taking care of her husband and also appreciate her mother's heart and feelings.

You know your method is effective, and your mother knows it too. But she can't accept some objective facts. That's why we should show more love and care to our mothers. Right now, understanding and acknowledgment don't mean much. What matters most is that our mothers and husbands get well as soon as possible.

Best regards,

Hello, host, I hope my answer is helpful.

As a daughter, I can relate to how you feel. We all want our parents to like and approve of what we do for them. I've also done a lot for my parents and I also look forward to their approval and affection, but I also find, like you, that they don't always say what we want to hear. It's not just parents, but also grandparents and other elders.

For instance, when I went home on vacation this past summer, I bought hearing aids for both my grandmother and my maternal grandmother. However, they said that the hearing aids were useless and wanted me to return them. Initially, I thought they were truly useless and planned to complain and return them. However, after my parents and I tried them out for ourselves, we discovered that the hearing aids could amplify outside sounds. Nevertheless, I still wonder why they said they were useless and wanted me to return them.

As someone who works in psychology, I know that there's always a reason behind an action. The problem can only be solved once we figure out the reason. That's when I remembered a story that Mr. Hu Shenzhi once shared.

He said that a lot of people buy their parents expensive things. But when the parents accept them, he always says that the gift is too expensive and that he doesn't want it.

So at that moment, as a child, you may feel sad. Even if you provide them with a better environment, they may feel apprehensive and even say why you spent so much money.

When they blame you, they're really just unable to accept your contribution. At the same time, you'll find there's no point in doing this.

Teacher Hu said that such parents are actually very self-centered because when they accept these things, they feel like they can't accept them in their hearts. For people with a low sense of self-worth, it's hard to accept.

On the other hand, if there's nothing to give or sacrifice in the relationship, he'll feel uneasy. He'll worry about what others think of him, even if you're his child. He'll also worry about how you view him, so he'll reject this contribution from you.

So, we often get frustrated, and sometimes even angry, because of this.

Mr. Hu once bought his mother a dress, and she asked him, "Why did you spend so much money?" This is something she's been thinking about for a while.

This is just how she deals with interpersonal relationships.

At that time, Teacher Hu told her, "When you say that, I'm actually not very happy because you haven't met my need for you to be useful. If you can accept it well and feel happy, then you're also affirming and accepting me."

I'm also really happy that you've been able to fulfill me in this way.

Mr. Hu said that when his mother rejected him, she actually became a more caring and hardworking mother. So at that time, she was more focused on getting recognition from others.

I got to know my grandmother's inner needs and told her, "You raised me since I was little, cooked for me when I was young, and looked after me when my parents were away. This hearing aid is my way of saying thank you. You don't need to worry about how much it cost. As long as you find it useful and it helps you in your daily life, I'll be very happy." After I finished speaking, my grandmother nodded and accepted the gift from me.

Your problem is similar to many others. We need to pay more attention to the inner needs of mothers and give them what they really want. When you can affirm their value, see their inner fragility, sincerely express your recognition and care for them, and also honestly say what you need and expect from them, the situation may be very different.

The relationship between us and our mothers is an intimate one. Intimacy is a two-way street: it's a mutually nourishing relationship. When you think about it, it's a simple concept: you are valuable, and so is the other person. Both of you contribute to the relationship, and this contribution is recognized and affirmed by the other person.

I hope you can find a way to bridge the gap in your relationship, support each other, and give each other things that the other person can relate to and appreciate.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, question asker!

It's tough to give you advice on your relationship with your mom in just a few sentences. Even so, I hope we can chat more and I'll be there to support you as you explore new possibilities when you're feeling frustrated or sad about this.

We all have our limits.

It can be really frustrating when you try to show your love and respect for your mother, but she doesn't seem to accept it. This happens a lot in life. You're trying to do what's best for her, but she rejects your efforts or ignores them. Even if she does get better, she might not admit it.

This may be related to the perceptions that each person has formed since childhood. For example, you may think traditional Chinese medicine is more effective, while your mother may believe in Western medicine more. You may think that children need to be verbally affirmed by their parents for the love they express through their actions, while your mother may think that she can handle things on her own and that it is a parent's job to cause their children as little trouble as possible. Everyone thinks differently, and without in-depth communication, it is easy to cause some mutual misunderstandings.

It's more important to communicate emotionally than rationally and logically.

In the text, you mentioned looking up information to match the prescription and only trying it on your mother after your husband verified that it was effective. Your analysis of the ingredients and your reasoning about your mother's condition over the past year show that you're a logical thinker and can take action. You have a strong rational mind and can solve problems in real life. However, in communicating with your parents, especially your mother, no matter how correct the reasoning is, you'll still hit a wall.

Right now, it's important to have a stronger emotional connection with your mother. You might feel frustrated, wondering why she isn't taking the initiative while you are. The elderly often have fixed perceptions that are difficult to change. If you can provide her with more emotional support, it'll be easier for her to listen to you.

The following sentence might not be the best fit. Think about those salesmen who sell health products to the elderly. What do they do to gain the elderly's trust?

[Recommended reading: The Five Languages of Love]

[Recommended reading: The Five Love Languages]

We express and receive love in our families all the time, but sometimes we forget to consider whether we're giving the other person what they want. There's a book called The Five Love Languages that suggests there are five main ways we show love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

If we show our love in a way that the other person is used to and prefers, they'll be more open to it. For older folks who've faced tough economic times and tend to be more traditional, it can be harder for them to accept gifts and physical contact. But they're more likely to express their love and care through acts of service.

If you're interested in learning more about this perspective, you can also check out the Internet to see which type you and your family fall into.

Ultimately, I hope the questioner can let go of their inner struggles and give and receive love in a more balanced way.

I totally get why the questioner is feeling confused and emotional right now. I've gone to so much trouble for my mom, and it would be so great if she could show more recognition and gratitude. Instead, she's been acting coldly, ignoring what I've done for her and paying attention to what the doctor says. It's a tough situation, but I'm sure the questioner will be able to understand and accept her mother's attitude soon.

From the mother's perspective, this reaction is totally understandable. From the information provided by the questioner, it seems that the mother is relatively old. The education and social thinking she received at her age are very different from the current social education and thinking, and she has a strong sense of moral shame. She will extend this sense of shame to many things, such as recognizing the merits and contributions of her children and saying some touching and thankful words. All of this will make her feel very ashamed and lose face. So for the sake of her face, she will instinctively behave in a way that the questioner will not understand or accept. When I was young, I was often scolded for crying, "Boys always cry, are you ashamed?" When I heard this, I was afraid to cry, because if I cried, I would feel very ashamed and lose face. In order to maintain my face, I could only hold back and not cry.

And there's another level to consider: her mother's needs are influencing her actions. The question asker has her own family, her own husband and children to take care of, and her own things to do. Usually, she doesn't have much time or energy to pay attention to her mother, but her mother needs someone to pay enough attention to her.

The great news is that most doctors are very patient and gentle when treating elderly people her age. They may even chat with her for a while and remind her of some precautions. This kind of attention and care is exactly what her mother wants, and naturally makes her care about the relationship with the doctor. So how can she get this kind of attention and satisfaction more often? The answer is simple: she can get sick herself!

The recipe given by the questioner lowered her mother's blood sugar, but it also gave her the chance to interact with the doctor and get the attention, care, and satisfaction she wanted! She couldn't express her thoughts and needs through language, so she expressed them by acting in a way that made the questioner feel angry and uncomfortable.

I truly believe that the questioner can make a big difference in her mother's life by paying more attention and care to her. For instance, she can bring her husband and children home to visit more often or encourage her mother to join some group activities for the elderly. This will help her feel less lonely and experience the joy and peace of life. Plus, it'll save the questioner a lot of effort and stress!

Good day!

From your description, it seems that you care about your mother and are experiencing a range of emotions, including frustration, sadness, and confusion, which may be related to your mother's apparent distrust of you.

1. It might be helpful to consider the more subjective aspects of your own thinking patterns and to try to understand the differences in thinking and concepts between people.

The outcome of an event may be influenced by a number of factors, and the reason we think may only be part of the story, or a strong possibility. Without controlled experiments, it is often difficult to prove things conclusively. Paying attention to the subjective part of your thinking can help us to look at things more comprehensively.

It's possible that the reason your mother's blood sugar finally dropped may have been the medicine you gave her. However, we haven't yet been able to verify this, so it might be best to keep an open mind about it.

Mothers often have a different way of thinking. From her experience and knowledge, she may believe more in the therapeutic effects of medication and doctors in regular hospitals, which is obviously not wrong.

It might be the case that asking about your mother's condition over the phone does not lead to a detailed conversation, and that you and she do not have a shared understanding of the cause of the problem. It is actually normal to view this issue from the perspective of thinking and perception. For people of an older generation, it can be more difficult to change their cognitive concepts and thinking patterns.

From this perspective, it also allows us to gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of our mothers.

2. Consider ways to improve your relationship with your mother and embrace a more individualistic approach.

Could you try to imagine what it would be like to feel that your mother doesn't trust you? Have you had similar experiences in your relationship with your mother during your growth process? If so, why do you think that is? Do you feel that you particularly long for your mother's recognition and support? Do you feel a lot of negative emotions when your mother denies you?

In the relationship between mother and daughter, whether it is one of conflictual dependence or alienation, it is not uncommon for many mothers and daughters to have a lot of entanglements in their relationships even as adults. One way to sort out your relationship with your mother is to reflect on your own experiences in the relationship, explore the influence of your original family on you, and discover topics on which you can grow.

It would be beneficial to integrate more fully with your parents and to become a more complete and authentic version of yourself.

3. It may be helpful to focus on the result and look at it with an altruistic heart.

If you feel aggrieved, you might consider looking at the matter from another perspective, judging with an altruistic heart, and standing on the side of "for the mother." Regardless of the method used and whether or not the mother appreciates it, the fact that her blood sugar has dropped is a positive outcome.

I believe that achieving success for oneself and giving others convenience and benefits without expecting anything in return can bring a higher level of satisfaction.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful for you. Thank you for asking!

Hello.

You love your husband and mother and are happy to help them.

Thanks to you, the other half's condition has improved. He can even stop taking medication. As for your mother, she's also doing better.

I'm happy for you!

You want your mother's approval.

Most parents are reserved and criticize more than they praise. Even if they don't criticize, they will face things with silence rather than affirming their children's actions.

They think they've met more people than their children and make them feel good about themselves. They don't express their love, but they do love you.

Your mother was happy because she felt your filial piety and care.

You didn't get any praise from your mother, but you should still be proud. You did your best as a child. I give you a thumbs-up!

I love you. I am Chen Jia.

Hello! Lin'er sends you a hug!

The situation you encountered is common. A mother and daughter relationship is more complicated than a mother and son. Sometimes, a mother and daughter may be in a competitive relationship.

Your mother's high blood sugar has been an ongoing problem for a year. When your wife suddenly develops high blood sugar, you take it seriously and try different treatments. You prioritize your wife's care over your mother's. Your mother senses this and feels neglected.

If you find the right medicine for your mother when she notices her blood sugar is high, she will thank you. In the current situation, admitting that your medicine is effective is the same as admitting that you are the "weak" party.

People are selfish and self-serving. Your mother doesn't want to see her weakness because it makes her anxious.

Lin'er's analysis of the situation is above. The following suggestions are also hoped to be helpful to the questioner:

1. Accept the distance in your mother's and your heart.

2. Keep helping your mother, give her her medicine, and watch her get better.

3. We can be strong, but we shouldn't force our mother to be submissive.

Hello!

Host:

I have carefully read the post, and I can feel the confusion and sense of grievance from the content. At the same time, I also noticed that you have bravely expressed your confusion and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help you better understand and recognize yourself and your mother—and I'm excited to see how you'll grow from this!

It's time to adjust your own state of mind!

I'm really excited to share my observations and thoughts in the post, which I think will help you look at the issue from a more diverse perspective!

1. You can often only be convinced by yourself!

After reading your description, it instantly brought to mind a psychology teacher's class. This teacher had the actors give a thumbs-up, and it was such a memorable moment!

So the students all took care to do it. The teacher then asked, "Why do you do as I say when I ask you to give me your thumbs up?" The students replied with a smile, "Because we have to listen to the teacher."

So the teacher asked the students to slap themselves again, but this time, guess what? No one did it!

So the teacher said again, "So you really listen to me? You listen to what you agree with."

After reading this story, I'm excited to see if the poster has been inspired in any way. For the poster, you and your mother grew up in different environments, received different educations, and had different perceptions and experiences—and that's what makes you both so fascinating!

So there's a big difference in your perceptions!

You have this amazing experience where you see Chinese medicine lowering your husband's mother's blood sugar. But your mom might have a different take. She might believe it's the result of her taking Western medicine for a year.

And Chinese medicine and Western medicine really do have very different approaches due to the influence of the wider environment. It's hard to say what Mum thinks, but I'm excited to find out!

And guess what? People can often only be convinced by themselves!

It would be great if you could say that she believes the doctor and not you. But if that's not what you feel, it's okay! You can say that she believes what she herself agrees with.

2. Take the exciting step of taking responsibility for your own expectations!

In the post, it was observed that the poster mentioned why your mother doesn't believe you and why your mother doesn't believe her children. From this, I feel your grievance of being misunderstood, and I'm excited to help you work through it!

I totally get it! We can definitely take a look at why we feel this way, which will help us manage our emotions better.

Your mother doesn't believe her blood sugar is due to the Chinese medicine, which makes you feel like she doesn't trust you. It's a tough spot to be in, but it's also an opportunity to understand the psychology behind such feelings.

I've come to understand that we have this perception: Mom should believe in her child, and Mom should believe in me and understand my good intentions.

So, what is behind this perception? It's that we expect to be believed and understood by our mothers!

So when our mother fails to meet our expectations, we may feel a sense of mistrust and grievance. But don't worry! Having explored this, I'm excited to share with you what we can do for our emotional feelings.

I've discovered that we can try to let go of our expectations of our mothers, and it's a truly liberating feeling!

Let go of the mother we imagine, and instead see and accept the real mother for who she is. That's just the kind of person she is! She doesn't trust other people more than her own children; she just trusts herself more. On the other hand, what we can do is, if we can't let go of our expectations of our mother, then while we are expecting from her, we can perhaps add a bit of permission.

Allowing is a wonderful thing! It means that I have expectations of my mother, but at the same time I also allow my mother not to meet our expectations.

And guess what? Our emotional feelings are often much better!

I really hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you! I'm a heart exploration coach, Zeng Chen.

If you want to chat some more, just click on Find a Coach to get one-on-one communication services!

Hello, question asker! It's like seeing someone face-to-face when you read their words!

After reading your story, I can feel the frustration and anger you are feeling inside, which is difficult to suppress. This is an opportunity for growth! On the one hand, you feel that your mother has denied the effectiveness of the Chinese medicine you provided and your careful efforts and care. On the other hand, you silently bear the alienation and hurt caused by your mother's denial to your relationship as mother and daughter. These make me deeply feel the difficulty of being a daughter and the doubts caused by your mother's words and deeds about the lack of trust in the mother-daughter relationship. This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow!

So, in the following, I'm excited to explore together the possible psychological state of the mother by combing through your words.

1. Your mother has her own ideas about what will work best for her health, and she's chosen to trust the doctor's Western medicine prescription instead of the Chinese herbal medicine you provided.

Behind this denial, there's a fascinating psychological monologue going on: "I am strong, not weak; I am independent and do not need the help of my children." It seems that the mother finds it easier to gain inner balance by believing in the doctor, while believing in her children may cause inner unrest.

This also suggests that you have the exciting opportunity to re-examine the closeness of your relationship with your mother over the years, as there may have been some neglected areas.

2. You call to ask how your mom's recipe is going, and she shows verbal indifference, not caring at all. But that's okay! Perhaps she has very complex feelings inside.

My mother's response is inspiring. She has been trying to be strong all her life. She was used to being relied on by her family, including you, when she was young, and she has accepted her own existence as such. She will continue to give to others, but it is difficult for her to care for herself. Therefore, it is a challenge for her to express herself authentically and to need the care of others. She is working on it! Because if she expresses herself, it is likely to be interpreted by her as "weakness and incompetence," and she will not allow herself to present this appearance in front of her children. She is doing a great job of working on it!

Her careless actions make you feel alienated and unappreciated, and may also poke at the fragile parts of the mother-daughter relationship. This makes you feel hurt and confused, which may lead to unreasonable anger and doubts about whether you have done something wrong. But you know what? That's okay! It's all part of the journey.

I'm so excited to share that the above feelings and analysis may help you understand your mother's inner thoughts to a certain extent!

I'm excited to share some suggestions with you about the role of a daughter in parenting!

1. As parents who are used to giving, they have the opportunity to develop their self-awareness and recognize the value of others. The education they received indicates that they have the chance to fully trust and empathize with their children in the parent-child relationship. Therefore, as adult children, we have the exciting opportunity to increase our awareness through our own efforts, that is, how to avoid falling into some of our parents' pitfalls on our own path of parenting.

Within the limited scope of your own understanding, understand the limitations of your parents. Of course, every experience in this is a very valuable wealth of experience for life. The key lies in whether our own mentality is resilient. The greater the resilience within us, the more we will be able to understand people and things that ordinary people cannot understand. Our perspective on problems will become more diverse, and we will have fewer internal struggles.

2. I'm excited to share an important reminder on how to communicate more effectively: "check." Many misunderstandings in communication stem from a phenomenon called "asymmetric information." This occurs when both parties in a communication cannot perceive the full picture of the information, and the communication channels of the two parties are not on the same frequency. You say your, he says his, and "miscommunication" often occurs.

This is why it's so important to "check" in this situation. You get to consciously check each other's feelings, moods, and thoughts to make sure you're on the same page! In your communication with your mother, you'll have more exchange of information and feedback, but less emotional communication.

So, express your true feelings to your mother more often! This is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and grow.

3. If you want to improve your relationship, you need to consciously integrate the resources around you. The fact that your husband trusts you so much that he will let you help him regain his health when he is sick is the absolute best resource!

Encouraging your husband to express his true inner feelings will have a wonderful ripple effect! It will influence your mother's perception of you and inspire her to reflect on herself. If you want to seek professional resources, I highly recommend that you receive professional psychological counseling, such as the online psychological counseling service of Yixinli, to help you sort out possible traumas and patterns in the mother-daughter relationship.

I would be absolutely thrilled if this was helpful!

I'm sure you can overcome the mistrust in your relationship and regain a loving mother-daughter relationship soon!

Believe it! Good things are about to happen!

Wishing you the very best!