Middle-aged individuals, facing such "preferential treatment" from fate, how should they confront their future lives?

Good day, question asker. I am honored to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

From the description provided by the questioner, it is evident that he has organized his life experiences, encompassing both gains and losses. The questioner self-identifies as a perfectionist, yet he also exhibits a tendency to prioritize the approval of others.

It can be argued that the pursuit of perfection may, at times, inadvertently lead to a tendency to reject imperfections. The questioner, for instance, has identified a number of areas in his life where he feels less than ideal, including difficulties in his marriage, health concerns, and interpersonal challenges. It is therefore pertinent to consider whether these perceived imperfections consistently elicit a sense of unacceptability within the questioner.

It would be beneficial to offer the questioner some encouragement and support. It is inevitable that we experience feelings of regret from time to time. When we reflect on our experiences, we realise that we cannot undo the past. It is not uncommon for individuals to feel regret, and this is something that many people can relate to.

In order to achieve inner peace, it is essential to take action and mitigate the influence of negative emotions.

In regard to the question of how to achieve inner peace, I will proffer some straightforward advice on this platform.

The practice of meditation is a technique that has been shown to be effective in achieving a state of inner peace.

There are numerous methods for attaining a tranquil state of mind, and the practice of meditation and respiration is one such method. Although this approach may appear straightforward, it is, in fact, highly efficacious.

The connection between emotions and breathing is a fundamental aspect of human physiology. When an individual slows down and engages in deep breathing, it has a profound effect on their emotional state.

The following steps should be taken to achieve this: 1. Find a comfortable location in a quiet setting. 2. Rest your hands on your knees and attempt to relax as much as possible.

Abdominal breathing is a technique whereby the abdomen is filled with air while the chest remains still. This is achieved by inhaling, allowing the abdomen to bulge, and then exhaling. The inhalation and exhalation should be held for a few seconds each.

The aforementioned process should be repeated for approximately ten minutes. The meditation breathing method can be performed at any time and in any location, provided that the environment is relatively quiet. Regular practice may facilitate the attainment of a more stable state of mind.

It is recommended that the individual engage in regular exercise.

Regular exercise is beneficial for both the body and mind. However, it is essential to maintain a consistent exercise regimen, avoiding prolonged periods of inactivity.

It is recommended that aerobic exercise be performed three to five times per week. According to the National Guidelines on Healthy Eating, the minimum daily exercise is 1,000 steps by walking. Regular exercise has been shown to increase the secretion of dopamine and serotonin, which can improve mood and contribute to feelings of happiness.

It is advisable to seek the guidance of a professional health manager, who can provide assessments and design an exercise routine tailored to the individual's specific health needs.

It is recommended that the individual engage in activities that facilitate contact with the natural environment.

It is recommended that individuals seek out pleasant natural environments and engage in self-directed activities within these settings. The presence of fresh air in such environments has been shown to facilitate a sense of calm and relaxation.

In the event that one's time spent in an urban environment induces discomfort, it is possible to alter one's surroundings and experience a shift in mood by immersing oneself in a more natural setting.

The following is a list of the most common types of boshes: 1.

As the ancients observed, the experience of giving is more joyful than that of receiving. Regular acts of giving have been shown to increase one's happiness quotient and promote inner peace.

Frequent charitable giving has been linked to enhanced mental health and longevity. There are numerous avenues for giving, including financial contributions, which entail donating funds to a charitable organization.

The act of almsgiving is observed when an individual presents a question or encounters an issue in a specific domain, and the questioner is provided with accurate guidance that enables them to resolve the problem. One of the most effective methods of performing almsgiving is to become a volunteer.

Provided that the act of giving is performed, it is inevitable that the state of mind of the questioner will undergo a transformation.

It is important to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

It is imperative to cultivate the ability to forgive those who have caused you pain. As Hanshan wisely observed, "Bear with them, let them be, and see how they are in another ten years."

"Frequently, individuals are unable to forgive others because they are preoccupied with the immediate circumstances. If we reflect on the situation a decade later, it is probable that many will have forgotten it.

The individual who committed the error is not the original poster, therefore, self-punishment for another's mistake is unwarranted.

Gratitude has the capacity to instill peace in the heart of the questioner and to mitigate stress, enhance positive energy, and foster a sense of satisfaction. It is not exclusive to the wealthy to cultivate gratitude; there is always something in life to be grateful for.

It is beneficial to develop the practice of recording all the positive occurrences in one's life. This can be achieved by identifying and acknowledging the constructive aspects of various situations. For instance, despite a spouse's personality differing from one's own, they may have contributed to the development of patience and the improvement of one's temper.

Provided that the questioner is amenable to implementing changes and adopting a constructive outlook, their mental state will continue to improve.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the inquirer.

Greetings,

I am in a position to offer you some counsel.

From your written description, it is evident that you are a perfectionist, as evidenced by your aspirations for excellence and financial autonomy. Regarding your current circumstances and psychological state, the two aspects you mentioned—one pertaining to financial freedom and the other to the increasingly popular notion of selling misery—are particularly noteworthy.

The fact that you have expressed these two percentages separately indicates that you have a certain foundation for understanding and perceiving yourself, and that you are already aware of your own shortcomings, needs, life plans, etc.

Your perfectionism will manifest as a highly meticulous assessment of these two aspects. You will perceive a state of absolute perfection and completeness, while simultaneously acknowledging that you have only attained a level of wealth freedom that is slightly over 50%. This discrepancy may not elicit significant distress, yet it does instill a sense of understanding and awareness that your actual level of wealth freedom is no more than 40%.

Indeed, your definition of the optimal state as 100% has both advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that you can express this feeling in a numerical form, which is beneficial for self-awareness.

The disadvantage is that one is compelled to consider each element in exhaustive detail, which then allows one to evaluate the relative importance of each.

It is therefore evident that these two factors must be considered together. Firstly, it is beneficial to have goals and a life plan. However, it is important not to perceive these advantages as a form of pressure. For instance, the attainment of wealth and financial independence is contingent upon the circumstances of one's illness.

With regard to the remaining 49% of the objective, in order to attain complete autonomy, it would be prudent to utilize the current accumulation as a foundation for financial planning and allocation, while also acquiring a fundamental understanding of financial management, in order to optimize the utilization of our assets.

With regard to your inclination to sell your experiences, it is evident that you have previously encountered challenges related to your kidney condition. Consequently, you may seek external support and validation from others, particularly in terms of managing your condition. By sharing your experiences, you may gain a sense of strength and motivation from the responses you receive, which could potentially contribute to your journey of recovery and resilience.

In conclusion, it can be stated that the fundamental issue is the desire to seek guidance from multiple sources in order to approach the future with a clear and tranquil mindset.

As previously stated, the diagnosis of kidney disease is a reality. I believe I should have addressed the related inquiries you posed at an earlier juncture. It is a privilege to have the chance to engage with you once more and gain a more comprehensive understanding of your internal circumstances.

It can be seen that the opinions and suggestions provided by the respondents to the previous question were beneficial, prompting a comprehensive review and summary of one's overall situation and a more profound self-examination.

In conclusion, the present circumstances are favorable. Consequently, it is imperative to implement a transformation in one's self in the imminent future. Initially, it is possible that one may be disinclined to engage in extensive communication with others and may be reluctant to divulge one's deficiencies.

However, on the Yixin platform, you have demonstrated courage in opening up your heart and receiving a response. Your inner sense of security, this degree of tolerance, and this heartwarming component are being perceived on a constant basis.

Additionally, you have indicated that 16 years ago, you underwent a transplant due to sudden kidney failure. Fortunately, the operation was successful, but it has resulted in the necessity for lifelong medication, which will inevitably impact your immunity.

In terms of attire, you will lag behind the prevailing trends. You will be more concerned with the opinions of others and will question your need to differentiate yourself from the norm. Why not adhere to the same seasonal dress code as the general population, for instance, wearing short-sleeved shirts in the summer and long windbreakers in the autumn, rather than long-sleeved shirts in the summer?

At that time, you may have been more concerned with the opinions of others. The way others perceived you indicated that you cared about their views, yet you lacked self-assurance. You felt uneasy when they looked at you in a peculiar manner.

It is important to note that your sudden kidney failure is not a desired outcome, and this disease is beyond the understanding of those around you. Therefore, the decision to wear thick clothes is a personal one, as it is a matter of prioritizing one's health and well-being.

If we fail to confront our circumstances and accept the necessity of lifelong medication and seasonal clothing, we risk perpetuating self-blame and guilt. This approach is unlikely to improve our current health status and may exacerbate psychological issues.

It is therefore important to recognise that 16 years ago, surgery was performed, and that since then, a significant amount of experience has been gained in relation to clothing and maintenance. It is also necessary to consider whether the level of health knowledge currently possessed is superior to that of the general population.

Furthermore, it is reasonable to conclude that after 16 years of recovery, your immunity is constantly improving. Despite any remaining differences in dress style, you are making personal progress, and your health is also improving.

This is a factor that requires our attention.

Furthermore, you recognize that despite your own health challenges, your children demonstrate remarkable obedience and sensibility, along with exceptional academic performance. The absence of conflict within your family is a source of immense joy for you.

Thus, it can be said that every family has its own unique set of challenges.

We observe other families, where the husband and wife may be in good health, but the children may frequently exhibit rebellious or scholastic difficulties, and thus experience ongoing concerns. In your case, your health may not be optimal, but we were fortunate that the surgical procedure was successful, and over time, your health has shown gradual improvement, along with the presence of a remarkable child.

In conclusion, it is my personal opinion that striking a balance is the optimal approach in any situation.

This has advantages in one area, but may be weaker in another. As previously stated, the individual has experienced numerous setbacks over the past 16 years. However, they have demonstrated resilience and the capacity for learning.

Furthermore, you have amassed a wealth of knowledge about health. It is possible that your self-imposed standards have led you to perceive your initial position as being considerably inferior to that of others.

However, it is evident that individuals possess diverse talents and personalities. The act of envying others indicates a preference for their personalities and lifestyles.

Therefore, rather than envying others, it would be more beneficial to allow ourselves to gradually become the person we aspire to be. It is not a daunting task to identify issues.

It is essential to identify an appropriate methodology for achieving one's desired outcomes in a gradual and sustainable manner.

Therefore, the initial step is to gain a comprehensive understanding of oneself and to develop a clear concept of one's values and aspirations. A review of experiences over the past 16 years can provide insight into the individual's growth and development.

It is my contention that during this period of reflection, individuals will experience a sense of fulfillment and appreciation for the meaning and lessons that life has imparted upon them. They will also recognize the capacity for resilience and adaptability that life has instilled in them.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Good morning, question asker. First and foremost, I would like to extend my hand in greeting. As a middle-aged individual, I have also been and am currently undergoing the process of self-acceptance. This entails accepting the unchangeable aspects of my life, cherishing the present circumstances, and embracing a mindset of gratitude and love.

It can be reasonably assumed that a significant proportion of the population is aware of this truth; however, there is a paucity of evidence to suggest that many individuals are able to translate this awareness into action. This raises the question of why this is the case. One potential explanation is that human beings are inclined to devote more attention to the losses they have incurred than to the gains they have made.

The majority of individuals exhibit a proclivity for risk aversion. The pain associated with the loss of 100 yuan is perceived to be significantly greater than the pleasure derived from the receipt of 100 yuan. This psychological phenomenon is pervasive in the domains of economics and finance. To illustrate further, consider the emotional realm: the absence of a desired object or outcome is a persistent source of distress.

The rationale for positing that this is human nature is to provide a sense of relief from the pervasive feeling of "unsatisfied" mentality and alleviate feelings of guilt. Regardless of an individual's resilience, it is often challenging to resist the pull of human nature. At its core, this phenomenon can be seen as a manifestation of perfectionism. However, it is crucial to recognize that it is, in fact, an inherent aspect of human nature.

It is preferable to accept human nature rather than attempt to resist it. The process of accepting oneself begins with accepting human nature. Subsequently, it is important to consider the losses incurred and the underlying reasons for the associated distress.

In comparison to wealth and freedom, or one's children's academic success, individuals tend to prioritize their own health and family relationships. Apart from the "insatiability" of human nature previously mentioned, another significant factor contributing to this concern is the subconscious belief that one's body will never fully recover, and that family relationships will never be fully repaired. If individuals maintain hope and confidence in their ability to recover their health and repair their family relationships, they will likely experience less preoccupation with these issues.

This leads to a significant topic: how do we confront the constant loss and separation that is inherent to the human experience, and how do we approach death with equanimity? This is a topic that requires lifelong cultivation, a topic that is universal and inevitable. Thank you for posing this question, contributing to this discourse, and stimulating our reflection.

After middle age, the body begins to deteriorate. Some bodily functions gradually become less efficient, and illnesses may even set in. What was once full of vitality is now often accompanied by fatigue. The loved ones and friends around us also begin to leave one after the other forever. We came into this world alone, and it seems that in the end we must go alone.

Everyone is subject to the same process of constant loss and separation, regardless of their ability to maintain their health or their perception of their own age.

From this perspective, it becomes evident that the human condition is inherently vulnerable and challenging. The reality is that everyone, regardless of their circumstances, will inevitably experience this process of constant loss and separation. It is a complex and often difficult aspect of being human, and not everyone is equipped to fully accept it. Some individuals may not come to terms with this reality until it is too late, even resorting to self-harm or suicide as a means of coping.

Nevertheless, some individuals may have an early epiphany and accept it. This phenomenon is observed in individuals who have experienced significant setbacks, whether physical or mental. The subject in question is an example of this phenomenon.

Setbacks and trauma can sometimes result in a person becoming unable to recover and resume their previous level of functioning. However, these experiences can also provide an opportunity for individuals to gain a more accurate understanding of the realities of life. Without the experience of illness, for example, individuals would be unable to recognize the inherent fragility of life. They would also be unable to perceive the inevitable decline of the human body and the need for caution in maintaining one's own health. Similarly, the absence of family conflicts would prevent individuals from recognizing the fundamental need for a supportive and dependable form of love. Wealth and freedom can provide a sense of mental tranquility, and the love and support of one's family can also contribute to a similar state of mind. In the absence of internal or external conflicts, individuals may be unable to discern the voice of their hearts, which often speaks of a need for love and connection.

It is my recommendation that you adopt a similar approach to that which I have adopted in my own life. Firstly, it is important to learn how to say goodbye gracefully. Secondly, it is essential to learn how to love.

It is important to say goodbye to one's body in a graceful manner. One should treat and caress their body daily, and when its decline is noticed, one should comfort it and say goodbye properly. This goodbye process will be lengthy, but it is advisable to begin it early so that the final separation can be accepted and the individual will not be torn apart.

It is important to bid farewell to friends and family in a considerate manner. For those you hold in high regard, maintain communication, regardless of the circumstances, while maintaining a balance between proximity and distance. Value, foster positive relationships, and conclude these relationships in a thoughtful manner. The process of saying goodbye will be lengthy, and it is advisable to initiate this process at an early stage to ensure a more seamless transition and to prevent undue distress upon the final separation.

It is possible to bid farewell to individuals with whom one has a negative relationship in a manner that is both respectful and constructive. One can choose to engage in a direct and honest conversation with the person in question, or alternatively, one can opt for a more indirect approach, where the decision to end the relationship is made privately and silently within one's own heart. In the case of individuals who embody traits such as selfishness, coldness, and self-interest, it may be beneficial to limit one's interactions with them. This approach allows for the preservation of one's own well-being and autonomy. It is important to recognize that our time on this earth is limited, and that attempting to maintain a relationship with someone who is not conducive to our personal growth and happiness may ultimately prove futile.

As you yourself have indicated, you are a people-pleaser. This is not, however, inherently a negative trait. The key consideration is the identity of the individuals in question. It is important to prioritize those who are worthy of one's attention and effort. In the case of individuals who cause one to feel overwhelmed, it may be beneficial to consider the possibility of disengaging from the relationship.

It is imperative to cultivate the capacity to love. You have indicated a willingness to learn. In truth, the objective is not merely to amass wealth and attain accomplishments, but to develop the ability to establish enduring relationships that will ensure a sense of belonging and fulfillment.

One may begin by considering a loved one, such as a child, whom one expresses pride in. One might say that one's child is a worry-free child who has not experienced rebellion. However, it is important to recognize that rebellion is an inevitable aspect of human experience. It may manifest at any stage of life, from adolescence to middle age to old age. Consequently, while one's child may appear to be a worry-free child, it is essential to also consider their inner world, engage in more frequent communication as a friend, and identify their genuine needs at this particular stage. Only when one fully understands the other person's true desires can one truly know how to love and earn their respect, recognition, and love.

Once the ability to love has been acquired, it can be transferred to other family members. It is important to allow time for this process to occur naturally; rushing it will not facilitate the desired outcome. The capacity to love is contingent upon an understanding of the other person's psychological needs and desires.

The aforementioned suggestions serve to encourage both you and myself. It is my hope that you will achieve a state of financial stability and spiritual autonomy, and that you will embark on a fulfilling journey in middle age. I similarly aspire to a similarly fulfilling second half of my life.

Yesterday, I answered another question from the original poster, and we're now sort of acquaintances. In the original poster's description, I saw the two numbers 51% and 40%. The valuation of wealth freedom can reach such a precise level of 1%, which shows that it is really not easy for the original poster to free himself.

You must decide how to face the rest of your life. I will share with you my current understanding of life.

First of all, life is a process. We know that material things are not the goal or meaning of life, even if we can only see the period from birth to death. How can something that ultimately needs to be given up (left behind) be the meaning of life? Wealth is called the source of nourishment in numerology, and it serves to nourish the body, that is, to keep people alive.

I can say with certainty that it will not be serving wealth again. This proves that the meaning of life does not lie in worldly things. Worldly things seem important because they are close to us, but they are not the most important things in life. It's like the composition of near and far. From a two-dimensional level, the big is big and the small is small. From a three-dimensional level, you will know that what is big in two dimensions may not actually be big.

In addition to being in the world, we must also be outside the world. This allows us to gain a full understanding of life.

Furthermore, I believe that the gain and loss in life have the same meaning: they teach us to live without these things. We can say that they do not affect the essence of our living at all. I use the word essence to express this feeling, but I do not have a definition of the essence of living.

Once you learn this, you will be happy because you will no longer be obsessed with the idea that you need to obtain something in order to be happy. You will also no longer fear losing what you have because you will understand that you can be happy without it. When you understand this, your heart will be relaxed and fresh, and you will be able to fully experience everything that comes your way.

You were seeking something from the lady in the previous question. She cares about you too, but her concern is different from what you expect, so you don't accept it or can't accept it. This unfulfilled desire makes you feel unhappy because you haven't obtained what you desire. As an outsider, I see that you are trapped by this desire.

There are two ways to eliminate a need: satisfy it or realize it is not a necessity. The former method is to have more of a fundamental solution, which makes you happier the more you have. However, this is not the case in reality. We know that desire is insatiable, and new needs will always arise. Human happiness seems to be after we cannot get it. The second method seems to be deceiving oneself, but once it is achieved, you will know it is true.

The former method yields easily quantifiable results, whereas the latter produces ephemeral thoughts that cannot be quantified or even articulated. This is because they operate at a different frequency, and even if the speaker attempts to convey them, the listener is unable to perceive them. If the lady cares in her own way, you cannot receive it either.

I have grasped the teachings of some religions and explored the tenets of New Age spirituality. I frequently encounter the concept of gratitude. Initially, I didn't fully comprehend it, but now I'm convinced that gratitude is a powerful tool that can help us transcend the illusory realm of desire.

If you want to know how to face life, gratitude is the way to go.

If you cannot empathize, you may have missed the point. I hope you will forgive me if I have offended you.

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling disappointed, out of balance, regretful, in pain and helpless.

I'm not going to get into the trouble caused by various negative emotions in your heart, but I'll give you three pieces of advice to think about:

First of all, I hope you can understand that nobody's life is easy.

I'm not saying you haven't experienced pain (because you have, more than many people, with physical discomfort, various disappointments in your married life, and various injuries from your original family). I just want to say that pain and dissatisfaction are common to everyone. You may feel that they are not as difficult or painful as yours, but there will always be people who are more miserable and have more difficulties than you, including those who seem to be in good health and have harmonious marriages. They also have their own various grievances, and the burden of those grievances on their hearts is also very heavy.

I'm telling you this in the hope that you'll try to accept reality and your current situation. That'll make your heart feel a little easier, and then you'll have the mental energy to think about how to spend the rest of your life.

Second, I hope you can see that life isn't about competing with others. It's about competing with your own expectations.

After describing your various disappointments, you see that your two windows of "positivity and willingness to learn" have brought you pleasing results. However, you don't feel satisfied because you find that compared with others, you are still not good enough. At this time, I hope you can understand that life is not a competition with others, but with your ideal self.

You've already achieved some pretty impressive results. For instance, you've reached 51% wealth freedom and your kids are well educated. These are the fruits of your labor, and they're helping you get closer to that ideal self.

Third, I hope you can lower your expectations of yourself. Your current disappointment, regret, and psychological imbalance may be related to your perfectionism.

It's normal and understandable to pursue perfection and to compare ourselves to others. It's part of what drives human growth. But when we become obsessed with perfection, that's when we run into problems.

Nobody's perfect, and we can't outdo everyone, including in comparison. We can't be number one.

So, I hope you can lower your expectations of yourself a bit and not be too hard on yourself. That way, you can enjoy the rewards of your hard work and learning. Otherwise, you'll be living with pain for the rest of your life.

It's not about having no expectations at all. It's about making your expectations realistic and in line with your current situation.

I know it's not easy to do all this at once. Here's what you can try:

First, when you're feeling disappointed or regretful, remind yourself that you're still alive, you're in good health, and your finances are manageable. These positive reminders can help you feel more positive.

Second, when you're feeling down, think about people you know who have passed away or who didn't have as good of a quality of life as you did. Or think about people who have finally left after being diagnosed with cancer. This kind of comparison can also help you feel better because it shows you that there are still many people who are worse off than you. Of course, this isn't a real comparison, but it's a way to help you feel better.

Third, you can also have a quick chat with your child and ask them how they hope you will spend the rest of your life, or what attitude they want you to have as you accompany them through life. I believe that your sensible and studious child will most likely give you some ideas and also give you some strength, so that you may feel better.

Fourth, you can also think about what you regret, accept what you can't change, and change what you can. When you've made a real effort to make up for some of your regrets, your mood may also improve. In short, you need to know that there are things you can do to improve the situation.

When you start taking action, all those negative emotions will naturally start to dissipate. Sometimes, taking action is the best way to overcome them.

I hope my answer helps. If you want to talk more, just click "Find a coach" at the bottom, and I'll get back to you directly.

The poster's post is overflowing with helplessness and a sense of powerlessness.

Hello. I am here to listen to you.

At the end of the article, you stated that you have a pleasing personality. If you look back, you will see that your family or caregivers made you live in a state of fear and unease when you could only rely on them for survival. This is the reason for the development of a pleasing personality.

They must develop a pleasing personality to survive.

On the other hand, pleasing others is based on taking care of other people's feelings, which can make you feel bad inside. You need to find an outlet for all this accumulated unhappiness. I question whether the pursuit of perfection is really the way to deal with this unhappiness.

Let me be clear: this is not your fault. It is a habit we are forced to develop in order to survive, and it also helped you cope with the not-so-good environment when you were a child.

You define yourself as a perfectionist. This is the most crucial step in looking inward.

Humans have created a dualistic system where everything is either good or bad.

Perfectionists have formed the habit of only accepting the good aspects of things (good and bad are also human definitions) at a very young age. They cannot accept what they consider to be the bad aspects.

The original poster has started the process of introspection. Now is the time to think about it from a different perspective. Ask yourself: are those self-defined standards of perfection universally applicable?

The truth is, what you think is perfect may mean nothing to others. I don't mean to be rude, but I hope the poster doesn't take offense.

The only constant in this world is change. Think of the Taoist diagram of the two fish. Think of all the good things and good jobs that everyone rushed to in the past, but now many have faded into history with the development of the times.

Chinese people hold high-level professions in high regard. Western countries view them completely differently, for example, with a lack of respect shown by the French towards police officers.

There is no such thing as a perfect standard in this world. The same goes for perfect events and people.

The host's own situation is a perfect example of this. Every event has a good and a bad side. These two sides are always transforming each other.

There is no such thing as forever good or forever bad.

Accept yourself and the world as they are. It may not be what we expect.

However, we must remember that the universe is vast and that human beings are insignificant in its scope.

The original poster's article shows you have had many high points, which also demonstrate your excellence and abilities. The difficulties you are facing now are a sign that these problems will soon be resolved.

There's a saying: "There's a crack in everything. That's where the light comes in."

The landlord will find happiness soon, and it will be soon enough!

Hello!

Your story made me think of a saying: people want what they don't have and ignore what they do have.

Why?

People never stop needing things. Once you get something, you want something else. This makes it hard to be happy, but it also makes people move forward and helps society grow.

2. People focus on what they lack and ignore what they have.

You only realize how precious something is when you realize you're losing it. Empress Wu Zetian said to one of her maids, "I would trade all my power and wealth for your youth."

To be happy, you have to appreciate what you have.

The original poster said he has problems with his wife, poor health, and bad relationships. We all have problems. No marriage is perfect. Couples have to work at it.

The happiest couples in the world have 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 impulses to strangle each other.

Everything in the world rises and falls. Love and marriage are no exception.

There are seven stages: attraction, infatuation, passion, plateau, boredom, coexistence, and breakup.

When a relationship reaches a certain stage, familiarity can lead to fatigue and burnout.

If there are problems in a marriage, both parties should work together to resolve them.

Problems in relationships.

From a psychological point of view, relationships are formed early in life.

It's related to how we're raised by our parents. How parents and children interact affects our relationships as adults.

Psychologists have found four types of attachment between parents and children: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.

The first type is harmonious relationships.

Children feel secure when they are close to their parents. Many people lack security because their parents were not loving.

A secure attachment means the child trusts their parents. These children are confident and courageous and can form good relationships with others.

Interact with others on your own terms, set boundaries, and be intimate with them.

The last three types are avoidant attachment relationships. People in these relationships fear conflict. They either don't know how to say no or use silence to resist. This easily leads to a stalemate.

Ambivalent attachment: relationships are mixed.

Chaotic attachment: relationships are draining.

Your relationships come from your relationship with your parents as a child.

You can make improvements through counseling, reading, etc. Change takes time.

Illness is hard, but we have to accept it. If we keep asking why it happened, we're not accepting it. We have to accept it to get better. We shouldn't hate illness, but we should think about it.

Many of life's worries come from not accepting ourselves. When you say "yes, I allow," you'll feel more relaxed.

Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you can do. If you ignore what you have and accept what happens to you, you'll be happier.

Look at what you have.

Best,

(Continued)

Of course, there is also my family. Many of the above aspects are related to this, so I won't go into detail.

God has closed almost all the doors for me, but he has left two windows open – positivity and willingness to learn. I have overcome the above problems one by one relying on these two things, and I have achieved gratifying results in all of them. I feel more satisfied and recognize my own achievements. But I realized that after all this time and all the hard work I have put in, the results I have achieved are not even comparable to the starting point of ordinary people.

I feel like I've worked hard in vain. I'm disappointed and regretful about the injustice of the world.

I have things to be happy about. I have recovered from illness and accumulated wealth. I am middle class in our small town. Currently, I am 51% financially free. My children are sensible, do well in school, and have been accepted into good schools. Our family is democratic.

It's still not enough to make me feel better.

People say it's fashionable to show misery. I have these thoughts, but they don't overwhelm me. I'm disappointed and out of balance.

I hope to be wise and face the rest of my life with a peaceful mind!

A person's life course may experience many things, with joys and sorrows, some ups and downs, and this matter is difficult to achieve perfection in the past, because you have talked about your perfectionism, which may make you very strict with yourself. But you can do it! It will take a lot of time, but it will be worth it in the end.

You are a fighter! You fought to the end on a certain matter. The subsequent kidney transplant also had a significant impact on your health, but you powered through. A low immune system can make you feel emotionally unstable, but you've got this! You have children to take care of, and you're doing a great job.

● Middle-aged people are favored by God. How to face the future

Once upon a time, I was a perfectionist who worked extremely hard and blamed myself.

● Suffering: I once attempted suicide when I was a freshman in college. I had uremia.

?️?️?️?️?️Perfect!

?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?️?

It can be tough to see that you need to take medication for life. And your married life with your wife, living apart because of quarrels and cold wars, can be challenging. But you can find positive highlights in your life!

Find some amazing, positive highlights in your own life!

☁️☁️☁️☁️You've got to learn how to see the blue sky peeking through the clouds!

☁️☁️☁️☁️ A total transformation in terms of personality and thinking!

Maybe you've got some great personality traits that make you a real people person. But even so, you might not have any close friends. This just means that we often can't compromise ourselves, but we can make sure we express our true needs more clearly!

You also have the incredible advantage of being positive and willing to learn, which is something to be really proud of! You will also achieve so many more surprises in your own life. And there's absolutely no need to compare yourself with others, as everyone has their own unique challenges and experiences.

Every family has its own set of challenges, and it's clear that you've built up a great deal of wealth. You're considered middle class and doing exceptionally well. Your children are sensible and excel in their studies. Your family is very democratic, and your children may thrive in such an environment.

This is something you absolutely need to cherish and maintain. We may not know what the future holds, but we can face it head on. Let yourself know that you are willing to accept it and discover more of your own bright spots!

You already have so much! You've experienced so much in your life. This experience is also very rich, so you cannot ask for too much. You should not expect too much. It is very good to live in the present and find the strength of the moment. As a dedicated heart exploration coach, I highly recommend that you read the era-healing books Independence Day 4: Can I go to your house and take a look?, It's Okay to Slow Down, Only by Running Your Best Do You Know, and Starting Over Today.

ZQ?

Hello!

I empathize with your current feelings. This is a difficult time for you! I hope my answer helps.

Your question has a few key messages:

1. Perfectionism leads to excessive hard work and self-blame.

2. Pain from physical illness

3. You have a nice personality, no close friends, and feel trapped.

4. Marriage is on the brink of collapse.

Austrian psychologist Adler said that we are all born inferior. We depend on others for survival.

Psychological compensation is the process of overcoming inferiority. Moderate compensation allows us to keep improving. Excessive compensation makes us want to always be superior.

Perfectionism is a form of excessive psychological compensation. Perfectionism is not bad, but it should be moderate. Extreme perfectionism often corresponds to extreme inferiority and inner instability. This sense of instability contrasts with the definition of "middle-aged person," which can cause psychological pain and affect our family and interpersonal interactions.

It's good to try to improve and be perfect. But we have to act according to our situation and pace ourselves.

The questioner's living conditions seem good. Cherish what you have now. Add 1-2 practical new plans each year. Set a stop-loss point for your marriage life. Calmly face it and adjust slowly. I believe you can get better!

Read Adler's "The Courage to Be Disliked." Good luck! :)

Hello, dear questioner!

Well done for being aware of this!

You've taken the time to reflect on your experiences over the years and identify the key lessons you've learned. You've realized that you're a perfectionist, have a great personality, and are open to learning and growth.

I'd love to chat with you and share some insights from my perspective to provide some inspiration.

1. "Life is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get."

This is a quote from the movie Forrest Gump that has comforted many people.

This quote from Forrest Gump has comforted many people.

We never know what's going to happen in our lives. You might not have thought before that you'd get seriously ill or have such a sensible child.

Sometimes, what matters most isn't the end result, but the journey and the experience along the way.

You've experienced both the high points and the low points, and these are all experiences that are unique to you.

The same goes for differences in personality with your wife.

People are often attracted to each other because of their differences, but these differences can become conflicts after marriage.

It's important to remember that marriage is a topic for two people to discuss together.

You said, "Life after marriage is tough to describe. We can't get along, we argue, and we're growing more and more disappointed. We're miserable and depressed. We've been living apart for ten years, and our marriage is on the verge of collapse."

Ultimately, it's up to us to decide how we handle it.

If we blame everything on someone else or on fate, we'll just end up feeling helpless and defeated.

You've faced illness, marital problems, and other challenges head-on and have been proactive in learning and growing, achieving great results. You should give yourself a pat on the back!

If you're feeling lost and unbalanced right now, it's just a bump in the road. It's normal. It's like we don't know what the next piece of chocolate will taste like.

We'll get through this, and I believe that after this exploration, you'll be able to face the future with a more open and peaceful mind.

I'd like to share something Forrest's mother said to him before she passed away.

I truly believe you can determine your own destiny.

I'm sure you'll do better with a little help from God.

2. About growth.

"Some people die at twenty and aren't buried until eighty."

That kind of person just uses life to imitate themselves.

And you have been growing, exploring, and practicing.

We know that we have to please others, and that it doesn't happen overnight. We've seen that pleasing others has helped us in the past, and that it has a positive effect.

We've just grown up and learned to develop more appropriate ways of doing things, not just the one of pleasing others.

It's actually pretty common to try to please others.

If we can learn to look at things in a more calm way, we'll find that "pleasing" has less and less impact on us in the future.

You're middle class, your kids have always been sensible, they study well, and they've been accepted to a great school, but you still feel like it's not enough.

The biggest drain on a person isn't from having too much to do, or from fighting with others or with yourself.

These are all struggles with oneself, really.

You say, "Don't compare yourself to the best. You don't even have the same starting point as the average person. Most average people don't have perfectionism, serious illnesses, or that serious family problems. They also don't feel so suffocated in interpersonal relationships. At least, I've never met anyone who has all of these things."

When we think like this, it inevitably leads to feeling miserable.

Take a moment to give yourself a hug.

And at the same time, check the facts to see if they really line up with what you're saying.

When we make comparisons, we often see what others have going for them and think our own lives are a mess.

It's just that we haven't been paying attention to the misfortunes in other people's lives.

You might even be envied by others, but you're not aware of it.

People with terminal illnesses who are not long for this world will envy those who can enjoy life even if they have to take medication for the rest of their lives.

Parents whose children are disobedient may even think, "I would do a lot to have my child study hard and go to a good school."

People struggling to make ends meet often envy those who are more financially secure.

When we dwell on what we lack and neglect what we possess, we'll experience distress, imbalance, and a sense of fate's injustice.

This isn't just some kind of feel-good story. It's what positive psychology has always advocated:

Happy people don't have an easy ride, but they find happiness in the midst of adversity.

What positive psychologists mean by "positive" isn't about getting mixed up about right and wrong, or letting yourself get stuck.

It's not what happens to us that matters most; it's how we perceive it.

If you're interested, you can check out the book Living a Life of Blossoming Hearts.

There are lots of different angles you can look at this from.

I truly believe that your willingness to learn and be proactive will open up a wider world for you and help you live the life you want.

Best of luck!

The questioner's good thinking, diligent learning, and pursuit of an excellent life are like a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they have a good material foundation and a democratic family atmosphere. On the other hand, the pursuit of perfectionism and the denial of their own efforts have also led the questioner to feel helpless and pessimistic. But there's so much potential for growth here!

I'm excited to share some insights that I hope will provide support and direction for thinking about having a more open-minded and peaceful attitude towards life in the future!

1. The other side of feeling disappointed and deeply regretting the injustice of the heavens may be to cherish yourself!

From the description in the comment, we can see that the questioner is an amazing person who works very hard, is proactive, and is willing to learn. Despite a less-than-supportive family of origin, many frustrations with interpersonal relationships from a young age, and a subsequent sudden case of kidney failure that started a long road of maintenance, he has still achieved initial wealth accumulation, a sensible child, excellent grades, and family democracy—and he's done it all with incredible tenacity!

Individual efforts are so hard, and after falling ill, it's easy to get caught up in worrying about your health and the impermanence of worldly affairs. But don't let that lead to doubts about God!

This tenacity of "my destiny is in my hands, not in the hands of heaven" is what often fills us with disappointment in heaven. But, on the flip side, it's also an affirmation and a show of affection for all the hard work you've put in over the years!

Heaven did not give the questioner a good hand, but the questioner made a name for himself through his own will. Without disappointment or regret towards heaven, it may be difficult to see how hard it was for oneself, but it's so important to recognize your own strength and resilience. When you can do that, you'll be able to develop a deep sense of compassion and gratitude for yourself.

And the best part is, thanking yourself is also a compulsory but easily forgotten lesson in life.

2. It's a great idea to compare yourself to yourself, rather than to others!

2. It is a great idea to compare yourself to yourself, rather than to others!

Individuals can be motivated by comparison—it's a great way to get inspired! But it can also be easy to get discouraged by it.

Over the long course of human history, individuals have had the incredible opportunity to experience a vast array of psychological states and emotional experiences, shaped by their unique comparative references.

For example, the questioner mentioned in his comment:

And there's more! When you compare yourself to outstanding people, you're not even at the starting point of ordinary people. Most ordinary people don't have perfectionism, major illnesses, or serious family problems. They're not as suffocated in interpersonal relationships. At least, I've never met anyone who has all of these things!

Comparing your own shortcomings with the strengths of others can be a real heartbreaker. It's easy to doubt yourself when you're doing it.

But this is not a sign of incompetence! It's just that our attention naturally wanders at times, and perfectionists especially want to be perfect in every way.

However, such a pursuit will also make the process lose its fun, because such a comparison, as the questioner is aware, is actually endless, because we all know that "there are mountains beyond the mountain and people beyond the people." And that's a good thing! It means there's always something new to discover and compare.

However, if you definitely want to find a sense of value and meaning in the comparison, it is absolutely possible!

By stepping back from horizontal comparisons with others, you can see the amazing vertical differences in your own life trajectory! The significance of such comparisons is that they allow you to see the incredible changes in your life over time.

Not stuck in the present, but looking forward to an amazing future!

3. Seizing the opportunity in the midst of challenge

When individuals feel pessimistic and hopeless, they often see the negative side of an event and ignore the positive side that may be implied. Of course, the questioner is not blindly pessimistic, and the perspective of "closing the door and opening the window" also shows that the questioner is able to realize the multi-faceted nature of things, which is great! However, sometimes we may also forget that such a perspective can be examined and seen in every event, which is a wonderful thing. Just to take the example of the event mentioned in the message:

She's been through a lot, but she's still going strong! After experiencing sudden kidney failure (also known as uremia), she underwent a successful kidney transplant. While she has to take medication for the rest of her life, she's embracing it with resilience. Her immunity is low, but she's determined to stay active and wear at least one season's worth of thicker clothes than other people. She's embarked on an exciting journey of maintenance!

I feel sorry for the questioner's illness. Such an experience is indeed not pleasant for anyone involved. But there is good news! On the difficult road of maintenance, there are methods for treatment and maintenance, and they can be achieved!

They have been living apart for ten years, and their marriage once reached the brink of collapse—but they've made it through!

The turbulence in a marriage does tend to cause a lot of inner turmoil and depletion. But at the same time, it's also great to see that the relationship between the questioner and his wife has been maintained despite the turbulence! And the children's academic performance and family atmosphere are admirable.

Having all these things will give you the motivation you need to keep going in life and help you to believe in yourself, even when you feel pessimistic.

I may not be an explorer of human nature, but I am a therapist who cares for the human heart. And I wish you well!

I totally get it!

Your extreme suffering, which in a sense stems from your extreme "comparisons," is an opportunity for growth and positive change!

It's time to embrace your imperfections and celebrate your recovery! Take a moment to reflect on how you feel after an illness. Now, compare your family life with that of other couples.

Now, let's look at the warmth and coldness of interpersonal relationships!

You compare yourself with others from a negative perspective, always seeing yourself as a disadvantaged group and a "victim." But you can change that!

You compare yourself with others and always feel resentful and angry because you think others are "better" than you. But here's the thing: you are so much better than you think!

In fact, God really is "favouring" you!

Think about how much you have! Many people would love to have what you have.

You are pursuing perfection, which is a fantastic thing! You have pushed yourself and achieved those results. Are you proud of them?

It is so great to strive for perfection! You pushed yourself and achieved those results. Are you proud of them?

Your "I side" is in a great situation! Which aspects of it are reflected, and are these your shining points?

You were still recovering from your illness, but you didn't let that stop you! You "embarked on a long, tightrope-walking path of maintenance." At that time, your child was just over two years old. Now that your child is older, your family and children are all being taken care of happily. Isn't that great?

For marital problems, it is recommended that couples communicate more, be tolerant of each other, and perhaps discover new glimmers of brilliance in each other. It is also recommended that you read books on marriage counseling, which will be of some help.

When you approach these issues with a positive attitude and perspective, you may feel that they are not a problem anymore. You may also cherish your current life more and work hard to solve the existing problems.