Middle-aged person, recently anxious and depressed, feeling guilty and blaming yourself, life is too hard, what to do?

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, it's clear you're dealing with a lot. I can see you're struggling with inner oppression, confusion, and disorientation. But you're also showing courage in facing your problems head-on and taking proactive steps to find solutions. That's great!

I'd like you to think about what's going on that's making you feel this way. When was the last time you didn't feel this way?

Can you tell me what your situation was like when you didn't feel this way? Who were you with and what were you doing?

What kind of strength do you draw on to face the problem head-on despite your discomfort?

You mentioned feeling uneasy when you can't distinguish between truth and falsehood in relationships, whether with the same sex or the opposite sex. These emotions are troubling you and causing you to think negatively about things. However, when you think about your loved ones, you want to persevere and move on. You're just temporarily confused and unsure of what to do. Is that right?

I can relate to your situation. As a middle-aged single person, I've experienced similar emotions and negative thoughts. I believe it's because we lack inner strength and confidence, which allows negative emotions to take control. Is it okay for me to say this?

As for why, there could be lots of different reasons, and we can only figure it out by looking at each person's life circumstances and experiences.

If a miracle were to happen and your discomfort disappeared, what would your life situation be like? What have you done to make the miracle happen?

If the miracle happens, will you be any different from how you are now? Who will notice the difference?

There's a saying that life heals those who are willing to be healed. When you become aware and actively seek solutions to problems, you're on the path to change. We're experts in solving our own problems.

I don't know all the details of your situation, but based on what you've told me, I have a few small suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

First, get help from a professional counselor.

I know something must have happened that made you feel bad, which is why you came here. I also know you must be uncomfortable. It's okay. When we're troubled by emotions and can't regulate them, we can seek help from professional counselors. They'll use professional techniques to dig deep into the root causes in our subconscious, give us a safe and secure environment, and empower us to grow in this environment.

At the same time, you could also read more psychology books or take some psychology courses. It's also a good idea to learn and grow on your own.

Second, look for the positive.

Life isn't always smooth sailing, and we'll always face confusion of some kind. When we encounter negative emotions, we can try to find more positive experiences to counteract them. This can help. We can also give ourselves positive encouragement every day, use positive mental suggestions, and practice meditation in the morning and evening. This can help us internally. The main thing is that we really be peaceful and more positive. As the saying goes, "What the heart thinks, the mind echoes." As long as we think positively, it will definitely happen!

Then, we need to be more aware and clarify.

When I was learning hypnosis, my hypnosis master kept emphasizing that in life, we must be aware of what's going on around us. Only by paying attention to what's going on can we figure out what we need to work on and why we're feeling the way we do. Instead of overthinking things, we should be more aware of why things are the way they are. This will definitely help us, and in this way, we can more easily figure out what we want.

Next, aim for small daily progress.

I know you're feeling down and stuck in a negative mindset. I also know you understand a lot of principles, but sometimes you just can't do it. This is normal. I feel the same way. If you really want to change, we just need to make a little progress every day. Don't compare yourself with others, but only with your inner self. Compare what has improved today compared to yesterday, and what has improved tomorrow compared to today. Accumulate little by little, and every day we make a little progress, we will make great progress. Slowly, we will get unexpected surprises.

Then, learn to let go of negative emotions.

It's normal to have negative emotions. We all do. But we can't let them linger. They'll harm our bodies. Right now, we need to learn to release our bad emotions and get rid of them. Exercise is a great way to do this. When we exercise, our brain secretes dopamine, which makes us feel happy. It's a great way to relieve our emotions.

And finally, give yourself a hug.

It's often said that people reach middle age and become established, but perhaps there are things we haven't done very well. This, coupled with comparisons with others and the way others judge us, can cause us a great deal of harm. So, I ask you to hug yourself more, embrace yourself with open arms, and pat yourself on the back. This may give you some comfort. When we hug ourselves, we're also giving ourselves strength and expressing love for ourselves. We often care about what other people think and are influenced by others. What we have to do is just do our own thing, love ourselves more, and respect our own feelings. Only when we have done our best will we not be influenced by other people's judgments, won't we be hurt, and won't we choose to doubt ourselves.

Ultimately, I just want to say that it's okay. You're already on the path to change. As long as we don't give up, we will always find a breakthrough. It's better to change late than never, right? At the same time, please learn to believe in yourself. Believe that you can get through this uncomfortable feeling, and believe that you will get better and better.

Hello! I really hope you can feel some warmth and support from me, and I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

You can feel it. You don't like yourself right now, and you find life difficult. It seems like everything is bad, but in fact, breaking free from this undesirable state isn't the answer. Not only will it hurt you, but you'll never have the opportunity to bounce back. Experiencing all the beauty of this world is also a great challenge, and saying "I'm sorry" to your loved ones is a wonderful way to start healing.

You're not alone! In today's world, there's a lot of pressure, and many people are struggling to find joy in life. They feel anxious and depressed, unhappy with themselves, and constantly criticizing and doubting themselves. These people feel insecure in the world, and it's natural for them to feel that others are also insecure. To get yourself into a positive cycle and rediscover the joy and vitality of life, it's recommended that we make adjustments in the following three areas:

Be kind to yourself and accept your imperfections.

It's so easy to get caught up in trying to be perfect, hoping to achieve certain results or meet certain standards. But when we push ourselves too hard, it can really take a toll on us. We might even start to feel like we're not good enough, like we're failing at everything. But the truth is, there's no such thing as a perfect person in the world. Even the most successful people have their own set of shortcomings and weaknesses. And it's not just about our own efforts. There are so many other factors that play a role in whether something succeeds or fails. We can't always put the blame on ourselves.

I really think you'd benefit from reading these two books: "Rebuilding Your Life" and "Accepting Your Imperfect Self." I'm sure they'll give you a lot of inspiration, help you look at your life from a different perspective, and rekindle your hope and confidence in your life.

2. Don't worry too much about what other people think. Just do your best at whatever you do! Having your own thoughts and feelings will help you to deal with all kinds of other people's opinions.

I remember there is a lovely saying in Yuelu Academy: judge right and wrong in yourself, listen to others' praise and criticism, and be content with your gains and losses. What it means is that the right and wrong is judged by our own hearts; praise or slander is up to others to say; gain or loss, fate has its own destiny.

This is in line with the idea in "A Change of Heart": there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of Heaven. We can all relate to feeling troubled when we're not managing our own affairs and instead worrying about other people's affairs and the affairs of Heaven.

When we understand that we can't control what others think or do, we'll stop worrying about negative comments. First, we need to do our best at whatever we do. Second, we need to know ourselves well. Third, we need to accept and recognize ourselves. Fourth, we need to know what we need and what we should do.

When you have a stable self-evaluation system within, you'll naturally not negate yourself because of a few comments from others. This way, you'll avoid falling into the vortex of negative emotions!

3. Let go of those negative thoughts and feelings and learn to care for and take care of yourself.

It's so important to remember that when we always put our own needs last, we'll never be truly satisfied. Unfortunately, this can lead to negative emotions. And if we pin our need for care on other people, it can be even more difficult. We might keep running into walls and suffering pain.

Because there are just so many things in life that we can't control. But when we learn to care for ourselves and take care of ourselves, we build a bridge that allows us to share and receive love and care.

Caring for yourself and loving yourself is all about taking care of your feelings and taking action to help yourself escape from pain. Learn to stand by yourself, give yourself strength, and allow yourself to give the care and love you desire most. This is the starting point for all good feelings!

I really hope you can accept your own imperfections, learn to rationally view other people's comments about you, and learn to care for and love yourself. If you need help, you can always seek professional psychological counseling. I truly believe you can definitely emerge from the temporary gloom, gain a new lease on psychological life, and once again enjoy your own wonderful life journey!

Hello, questioner!

I am a healer, and I will give you a big hug first. Middle-aged people, recently anxious and depressed, feeling guilty and blaming themselves, life is so hard, what should I do? I am here to help!

We are all people with problems. No matter what stage of life we are in, we all actually have our own difficulties. When we were children, learning was the most important thing. After we finished school and entered society, we realized that work was the most important thing. After working for many years, a series of problems followed one after the other: family, marriage, children, and the elderly. At this time, we discovered that each period of our lives has its own difficulties, whether it is the hardship of learning, the burden of family, or the difficulties at work. No matter what happens, we can't avoid it. Even if we don't experience it when we are young, we will definitely not escape it when we are old. At this age, with an old parent and young children, the exhaustion caused by stress is something that most people at this stage can empathize with. Life is originally a practice. And we get to practice it all over again and again!

Life is full of challenges, and it can be tough to tell who's sincere and who's not, especially when it comes to the people in our lives. But here's the good news: happy families are happy in their own unique way, and unhappy families are unhappy in their own way too. I get it, being an adult can be tough, especially when you're in your mid-life. But you know what? You're stronger than you think, and I'm here to cheer you on. Life is full of ups and downs, but it's all part of the journey. We all have our own unique experiences, and we know best what makes us feel warm inside. We can't guarantee that everyone will be satisfied with us, and it's hard to tell who's sincere and who's not. But here's the thing: the truth always stays in our hearts. And the more you like what you hear, the more it's probably true. We all have people in our lives who we feel uncomfortable with. It's okay to feel this way, because it's a natural part of life. In psychology, this is called "killing a familiar person," because they speak without restraint and can't even realize when they've offended. We often hear this saying: "I'll say something you don't like to hear." But here's the thing: you can't please everyone all the time. And that's okay! You're stronger than you think, and you've got this.

"If you don't like to hear it, why say it? If you are going to say it, you might as well say it with a smile!"

When we're full of sunshine, we're naturally eager to improve!

I've been going through a rough patch recently, but I'm ready to turn a new leaf! I've been feeling down, anxious, and guilty, and I've been thinking about ending it all. But I'm going to fight through this! Our bodies and hair are a gift from our parents. If you're not afraid of death, you should be afraid of living a mediocre life! Life is short, and things are ever-changing. Apart from life and death, everything else is just a scratch! If you don't even love yourself, how can you love others? Weakness is in our nature. We are all born with low self-esteem, not just some people, but all of us. There is no such thing as a quiet life. Either your family carries the weight for you, or you carry it for yourself. It may seem like everyone has a bright future, but when you get home and close the door, who can guarantee that it won't be a mess? So we must spend our limited time being ourselves, and doing what we are good at is the best way to live our lives!

Sometimes you offend and hurt a lot of people, and you are also hurt by the feedback. You can't even tell what I'm talking about. In dealing with emotions, you don't hurt yourself by grasping at shadows. You don't know how to speak, how to interact with the opposite sex, or the ways of the world. You are a middle-aged person living like an idiot. Communication is not an easy task for most people. As the sages said, everyone can speak, but not everyone can communicate. Saying too much can hurt others, but it is the tone, manner, context and other factors that lead to changes in emotions. This is like driving a nail into a wooden board. When you want to apologize and pull out the nail, is the nail mark still there? And this kind of hurt lasts a long time. The result of hurting each other is a situation where you kill a thousand enemies and injure yourself. In the world of emotions, there is no one right or wrong, no one is sorry to anyone. There is only no one suitable for anyone. Meeting the right person is naturally love, meeting the wrong person is youth. Some people break into your life and teach you a valuable lesson, and then turn around and leave.

Then we get to tackle the problem head-on, think about it quietly, and give you some suggestions based on your actual situation!

From a subjective point of view, anxiety stems from psychological attitudes, emotional changes, and behavioral habits. The key to adjustment and relief lies in distraction. There are a hundred hardships in life, and there is sweetness in the midst of suffering. We must look more at the good and positive parts. Anything that dwells on the bad will naturally affect a series of reactions. It is in this swaying that life is wasted, with gains lost and unearned gains not treasured. But there is so much more to life than that! Find the other self within, and reconcile with the past self. Adjustment may take a long time, but as long as you know which direction to go in, you will be able to reach the other side. And when you do, you'll be amazed at how much better you feel!

The objective environment may tell us that we cannot change the status quo, but that doesn't mean we can't start by adapting! In the end, we can all be people who can influence others. Everyone will encounter difficulties, but it is not the difficulties themselves that are rare, but the attitude and way of dealing with them. When our willpower is weak, we might as well see how outstanding people deal with and respond to them. Believe in what you believe in and persevere as long as you can!

Life is like a train ride, and it's full of surprises! Cherish the present moment, be grateful for each other, and let's be people with a rich spiritual world.

These suggestions are just a starting point. The world is a big, beautiful place that connects us all. Have the best day ever!

Good day, My name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

From the information provided, it is evident that the questioner is facing significant challenges and distress. I would like to extend my support and offer a gesture of comfort from a distance.

The questioner's emotions are quite complex. It would be beneficial to find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed, take a deep breath, and quietly reflect on the following:

Please describe the origin of negative emotions, such as anxiety, depression, and guilt. Do these emotions result from external pressure or from setting overly high standards for oneself?

Please describe your understanding of sincerity and indicate whether you have established criteria for evaluating it.

- Why is it challenging for you to discern sincerity in others? Does the other party demonstrate a clear sense of purpose in their interactions with you?

Has there been any actual behavior that has caused you harm? If not, can you assume that the other person has no malicious intent?

Has the other party ever demonstrated an understanding of your negative emotions?

Please describe the reasons behind your feelings of remorse for your loved ones. Have they expressed any feelings of hurt or distress as a result of your actions?

It is important to note that feelings are not objective; they are subjective. Have your loved ones expressed that you have wronged them?

Please describe the specific issues you have encountered that have led you to feel weak.

If you are unable to stop a situation because you lack the courage to address it, what are the potential consequences? How might this affect you and others involved?

Please indicate whether you are willing to accept this level of hurt.

- You have caused offence and hurt a number of people. Could you please clarify which individuals have been affected and to what extent?

Please describe the extent of the hurt and whether it can be rectified.

The questioner indicated that the feedback was distressing. Could you elaborate on the nature of the hurt?

It is often said that time is the best healer. Could this be the case in this situation?

The questioner mentioned that they are emotionally paranoid. In light of this, can they attempt to persuade themselves that seeing is believing? Alternatively, can they consider that seeing is not necessarily believing? It may be beneficial to allow the other person to explain.

The questioner stated that they lack proficiency in communication, social interaction with the opposite sex, and navigating the nuances of the world. What factors contribute to this self-assessment?

It is important to note that not everyone is naturally adept at social interaction. Some individuals may lack the ability to express themselves verbally, yet they will go to great lengths to ensure your comfort. It may be beneficial for the questioner to focus on their own strengths.

From the description provided, it seems that the questioner may have a tendency to rely on their own perceptions, which could potentially lead to discrepancies between their thoughts and feelings. It is recommended that the questioner consider ways to balance their reliance on subjective experiences with a more objective approach to understanding their own thoughts and feelings.

"I think" is merely a subjective and unverified sentiment. Has the question asker corroborated the facts with other individuals? It may be beneficial to attempt to be realistic and seek objective validation of these feelings. Additionally, it would be advantageous to have the people around you provide an objective assessment.

It is important to accept yourself. Negative self-talk can negatively impact your self-perception, leading to pessimism and negativity. Identifying your strengths and objectively evaluating yourself can help you develop a more positive outlook.

The questioner appears to be more cautious in their interactions with others. One strategy might be to inquire with the friends of those around them about their perceptions of the questioner. While an individual may be able to conceal their true self from some people, it is challenging to do so from everyone.

Some individuals are adept at verbal communication, while others excel in expressing themselves through actions. The questioner may consider expressing their goodwill towards the other person in a manner that aligns with their strengths. I believe that sincere actions will undoubtedly convey a sense of sincerity to the other person.

- It is advisable to confirm any uncertain matters, as this can help to reduce the urge to dwell on unconfirmed information. This is analogous to going out with a significant sum of money and viewing everyone as a potential suspect in a robbery.

- Inquire with your loved ones if they share the same sentiments regarding the matters that have caused you distress. If they do, offer a sincere apology. There is a high probability that they will forgive you. Family ties are often stronger than other relationships, and they will likely forgive you.

It is important to recognize that all negative emotions require an outlet. If they accumulate to a certain level, they can overwhelm an individual and lead to a state of collapse. One strategy for managing negative emotions is to keep an emotional diary, which allows individuals to record their emotions in a structured manner. This can be an effective way to identify patterns and gain insight into how emotions are affecting an individual's well-being. Another approach is to engage in open communication with a friend or counselor. This can provide a safe space for sharing emotions and receiving guidance. The individual can utilize this opportunity to express their emotions and receive advice on how to handle challenging situations. Additionally, expressing negative emotions through physical outlets, such as screaming, can be an effective way to release pent-up energy and improve emotional well-being.

It is not possible to maintain self-denial indefinitely without suffering adverse effects. The individual in question should consider their personal strengths and identify ways of deriving positive meaning from their circumstances. This may entail setting small, achievable goals and affirming their ability to achieve them, thereby restoring confidence.

In conclusion, while we are all ordinary people, we can still take action. I would recommend the book I'm Really Great to the questioner as a potential source of self-affirmation.

Best regards,

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fly Free. 2023 is going to be a great year.

Your words reveal your frustration and hurt in interpersonal relationships, which has led to deep self-blame. I want to give you a hug. As a middle-aged person, I understand you well, and I know you can live a transparent, carefree, and happy life. Let's share and discuss together.

1. Living is a process, not a result.

In the adult world, nothing is ever easy. You think it's difficult, and so do other people. You're not alone in your feelings about life and living. Many people resonate with you.

Middle-aged people, whether men or women, face significant challenges. They must support the elderly and children, navigate crises in the workplace, cope with the fatigue of marriage, and contend with the never-ending accumulation of material goods. These pressures can make it seem as if the world is a difficult place.

Everyone finds it difficult, so the next issue is your attitude towards the same predicament. You can choose to be positive and optimistic, or you can be negative and pessimistic.

You can change your patterns of attitude towards people and things by being aware of them.

The patterns of interaction you describe in the text with men and female friends are all patterns that you have formed over a long period of time and taken for granted. You have unconsciously brought them into various relationships.

You can review and summarize it. What beliefs do you hold fast to in this pattern of interaction with them? And the beliefs you hold constantly make you cycle through this pattern of getting along with people.

For example, I believe that everyone is my friend and that everyone is good. I also believe that I am weak, so I dare not offend people or defend my feelings and sense of boundaries. Finally, I believe that it feels safer to escape than to face it.

You can only achieve change by identifying the beliefs that drive your actions. You have the power to take control of your life. You can choose to give up, to escape, or to face the problem head-on and actively seek solutions.

You can make the winds from all directions work for you.

You decide whether to break down or breakthrough.

We can and will change. Our lives today are created by our past actions, and our actions are determined by our thoughts. We decide whether we do or don't do something based on our thoughts.

Your thoughts determine your behavior, and your behavior forms habits. Your habits shape your life. If you want to change your life for the better, you must break some of your bad habits.

The current state of your life is created by the thought patterns, behavior patterns, and emotional patterns of the past. If you are dissatisfied with the current state of your life today, you can and should change these patterns. When you change some of your past patterns, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that your life has also changed.

Facing the many ups and downs of life, people will inevitably feel like giving up. But they can also choose to break through. To break through, you have to break. Once you break, you have two options: to fall or to pass.

If you choose to go with the flow after breaking, you will collapse. If you choose to continue moving forward after breaking, you will break through yourself.

To seek a breakthrough in life, you must actively break some patterns and temporarily enter a gap period. When you enter a gap period, you must remind yourself that this is not a waste of time. It is an opportunity to make a fresh start. This opportunity is the starting point for your future breakthrough.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you. ?

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

I believe the questioner is quite good.

My name is Kelly Shui, and I help people with what I like to call "heart detective" work.

In light of your question, I feel a sense of self-doubt.

I also had the experience of midlife anxiety and depression, which took about a year to gradually overcome.

Could I ask you whether you feel that you have recently become anxious and depressed, that you feel guilty, and that life is too difficult?

Perhaps we could analyze them one by one?

[About midlife anxiety and depression]

Research by the US National Institutes of Health indicates that depression that strikes in midlife (ages 40 to 50) is a relatively common occurrence worldwide.

One challenge is that the symptoms of depression in middle age can sometimes overlap with common transitions and changes that occur during this period, such as perimenopause, hormone and vitamin imbalances, retirement, and the "empty nest" syndrome.

If I may, I would like to offer a few personal tips.

1: Perhaps it would be helpful to accept our current state, stop attacking ourselves, calm down, and think about what's going on.

One possible approach to self-awareness and self-analysis is through writing.

2: Have you been feeling a bit confused or hopeless lately?

It might be worth considering whether the depressed mood is a reminder that we need to make some changes.

3: If middle age arrives at the perimenopause (transition to menopause), it can be a challenging period full of hot flashes, instability, and other symptoms such as loss of libido, emotional imbalance, and lack of sleep.

It seems fair to say that this hormonal roller coaster can cause women to suffer.

In 2006, a study by Harvard researchers on mood cycles found that one in six women without a history of depression experienced depressive symptoms during the perimenopause.

(Please note that this is a factor that we cannot control physically, and your age is uncertain. This information is for reference only.)

4: Many of the female friends around me are at this age, and it may be worth noting that thyroid disease can also cause depression in middle-aged people, leading to symptoms such as fatigue, constipation, arrhythmia, and even seizures.

It is not uncommon for thyroid disorders to run in families.

5: Have you been experiencing feelings of depression and anxiety, and do you feel that you may be blaming yourself for these feelings? If so, and if these feelings have been present for more than two months, it might be helpful to seek the advice of a qualified medical professional at a top-tier hospital.

6: It can be challenging to discern sincerity in others. One approach could be to focus on self-awareness and self-care. This might involve identifying challenges in interpersonal relationships and areas of confusion. Seeking guidance from professional counselors can also be beneficial in understanding one's personality. This includes exploring aspects like character, upbringing, and work environment. Understanding oneself is crucial, as the saying goes, "know thyself and know thy enemy."

[Consider learning to love yourself]

1: Those of us in our middle years who are struggling with depression should not be overlooked. It is important to take care of ourselves and reduce stress in whatever way we can, whether by taking up new hobbies or seeking help from our loved ones.

You seem to be a considerate person, and you mentioned that you are sorry for your loved ones.

It is important to remember to take care of ourselves. First, it may be helpful to learn to love yourself, actively seek treatment, and first see if you need comprehensive care for yourself.

Could I ask if you have any chronic or other illnesses that might prevent these factors from becoming the root cause of emotional triggers?

2: You might consider making some changes to your lifestyle, social circle, and perhaps finding new hobbies and interests. It could also be helpful to focus on finding joy in life and enjoying it.

For instance, if it becomes apparent that friends are unable to provide the understanding you seek over time, you might consider devoting yourself to your hobbies.

It might be helpful to view periods of confusion and loneliness as opportunities for personal growth.

3: Even if we are unable to form genuine friendships, there are still plenty of ways to engage with the world around us. Taking courses or attending book clubs, for instance, can be excellent ways to relieve stress and boost our emotional well-being.

As we mature, we may begin to observe shifts in our emotional state and become more mindful of our inner world.

4: It may be helpful to try to live with the symptoms, even if you are anxious or depressed.

Recovery from depression is a lengthy process that can take anywhere from six months to one or two years.

When I was experiencing a particularly challenging period of depression, I sought guidance from Yixinli, immersing myself in the field of psychology.

When I was experiencing depressive symptoms, I recognized the importance of creating a supportive and constructive environment for my treatment.

It may be helpful to consider continuous learning, counseling, and constant self-awareness as ways to give yourself enough time and patience.

It is important to remember that my depressive symptoms will often accompany me, every day. I have learned to remind myself that living with symptoms will not kill me; it is just uncomfortable. This helps me to understand that there is no reason to be afraid.

I try to be kind to myself and allow myself to experience a range of emotions, including those that might be less positive. I also find it helpful to talk to a counselor or write in a journal to express some of my thoughts.

It could be said that we are generally happier than those born with poor health or disabilities.

At least depression is curable. I believe that if you think about this, it will help to reduce your fear. Living and working with the symptoms can be a form of spiritual medicine that alleviates suffering.

Depression is a mental illness, but there are ways to treat it.

5: You said you are an idiot, and I can relate to that.

I also went through something similar. After I recovered, I always encouraged my friends who were struggling with depression to avoid labeling themselves as "depressed" or "idiots." I've found that when we label ourselves in this way, it can reinforce our negative thinking patterns and intensify our suffering.

If I may offer an example from my own experience, when I have a stomach problem, I tend to view it as a challenge that requires patience and a willingness to learn.

I wonder if there are any completely healthy people.

Depression is a phase that many people experience at one point or another. It's important to remember that feeling depressed or anxious is not a permanent state of mind. Instead, try to remind yourself that you're currently experiencing a temporary mood shift and that there are ways to improve your situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider changing your mindset?

Perhaps you could try embracing nature and returning to life.

It's possible that our frustration in relationships may stem from our tendency to care too much about others.

Depression can be defined as a kind of psychological and emotional disorder caused by long-term psychological depression. It is possible that we do not always pay sufficient attention to others. I remember when I was in the mountains watching a spring cherry blossom; she gave me inspiration when she bloomed alone.

The tree offered me the insight that loneliness can be a gift that doesn't hinder one's growth.

If we want to adjust back, it might be helpful to treat ourselves like a normal person, rather than shutting ourselves in, staying in the house, or staying in bed. It might also be beneficial to avoid blaming ourselves, and instead cultivate the courage and spirit to face it.

I would like to suggest the following books for your consideration: The Courage to Be Disliked and The Incredible Story of Life.

I would like to propose that we consider saying "yes to life."

It can feel similar to being hated. Here are a few words of courage:

It may be the case that we cannot experience happiness because we don't like ourselves.

It could be said that we are unhappy precisely because we have chosen to be unhappy, rather than being born that way.

I wonder if I might ask you to consider whether you are perhaps making a conscious decision not to change your lifestyle.

If I might suggest, the first step on the road to change is to take action. Let's cheer together.

I hope you enjoy yourself.

I hope you know that the world and I love you.

Interpersonal relationships: Those who are intimately acquainted with me are few in number, and those who are intimately acquainted with me are of great value. One can trust those who are forthcoming with the truth. This is how one can discern who is more trustworthy through communication. One should not focus on what they say, but rather on their actions. This is how one can discern who is trustworthy in terms of behavior.

It is evident that the questioner's failure in social interactions has resulted in feelings of anxiety, guilt, and self-blame. In fact, the circumstances surrounding a situation can sometimes affect one's emotional state. It is therefore important not to dwell on these feelings and to use them as a reference point in future social interactions.

Communication: Communication should be sincere. For the time being, it is not advisable to develop communication skills. There is a plethora of information available on the Internet and in the market that teaches such skills, including eye contact, behavior, timing, mutual benefit, and so on. Rather than learning communication skills for the sake of communication, the questioner should begin by examining the underlying logic to construct more robust communication skills.

Interpersonal boundaries: Middle-aged individuals should strive to maintain composure, demonstrate resolve, cultivate positive relationships, embrace the value of constructive feedback, and avoid forming associations with those who may cause them harm. This entails fostering connections with individuals who align with one's personal and professional growth, being open to candid feedback, particularly from those who are forthright in pointing out one's shortcomings, and limiting interactions with those who may have a detrimental impact on one's well-being.

Social adaptation: Human relationships are relatively straightforward. For instance, when requesting a favor from another individual, it is customary to present them with a red envelope as a gesture of gratitude. Similarly, when visiting someone's residence, it is considered polite to bring a gift, such as a bag of fruit. It is beneficial to observe the practices of others and learn from them. By doing so, individuals can convey a positive impression and gain the trust and support of those around them.

It is, after all, only through giving that one can gain, and the ability to give is a great wisdom in life.

In conclusion, it is advisable to emulate the behaviours of those who have achieved results, to heed the messages conveyed by one's own feelings, to expand one's horizons beyond one's immediate circle, and to consider the broader world and its myriad possibilities. As one's capabilities grow, a wealth of resources, particularly human resources, will inevitably become available.

Hello! I have carefully read your words and experienced your feelings, and I'm excited to share my insights with you!

/Overview/ Let's dive in!

In middle age, you have the opportunity to explore new ways of establishing and maintaining intimate relationships and trust in others.

Their sensitivity and suspiciousness can sometimes affect their relationships, but there are ways to work around this!

You may feel anxious and depressed, and even guilty and self-blame. But don't worry! There are ways to overcome these feelings.

Now for the fun part! Let's dive into the analysis.

I. Attachment

There's so much potential for growth here! It seems that deep relationships and emotional connections may be a challenge at the moment, possibly due to some room for improvement in attachment abilities.

It's amazing how quickly babies begin to form an emotional connection with their mothers and form an attachment at just six months old!

The mother's physical and emotional responses and social interactions with the child all play a vital role in shaping the child's initial feelings and ability to love.

There are three main types of attachment: secure, ambivalent, and avoidant.

If they do not receive adequate care or response, children will develop ambivalent or avoidant attachment. This is manifested in the form of difficulty trusting others, inability to establish intimate relationships, inability to ask others for help, loneliness and suspicion, and low self-esteem. But there is hope! With the right care and attention, children can overcome these challenges and flourish.

2. 0–1 year old:

Psychoanalysis has some fascinating insights to share about the incredible period from 0 to 1 year. It's a time when a person can really start to establish a sense of trust!

Intensive care is the perfect way to build that all-important first sense of trust!

If there is a lack of maternal love or neglect, it can lead to a sense of mistrust becoming ingrained in a person's character – but there is hope!

3. Family Now for something really important! The family is the first and most important socialization vehicle for people.

The family is the first and most important socialization vehicle for people, and it's an amazing one at that!

And let's not forget the family atmosphere and relationships between family members!

This includes the parenting style of the parents, as well as a lack of respect for the child's personality, self-esteem, will, and rights.

This will affect the child's personality development, which is an amazing thing!

Now for something really interesting! Let's dive into the world of complexes.

Guess what! Childhood trauma and special experiences can all form complexes.

Complexes are hidden in the subconscious mind, invisible but hugely influential in real life. This is something you can work with!

For example, a failed relationship or a cheating experience.

You think you've let go and forgotten, but it continues to have an impact on your life in some pretty amazing ways! It can manifest as uncontrollable emotions, behaviors, and thoughts that arise unconsciously.

Now for some great advice!

If your current situation is a personality problem caused by a lack of love from an early age, don't fret! You can try:

1. Find a great relationship partner and make it last for five years! You'll gradually change through experience.

2. Learn to love yourself!

3. Seeking professional psychological counseling is a great idea!

2. If your current situation is caused by a specific trauma, you can try:

1. Uncover the source and discover the "wound."

2. Go deep within and resolve the complex!

3. Get the help you need from a professional psychologist!

And finally,

Middle age is a time of incredible growth and discovery! It's not about being mature or understanding human nature.

And who knows—you might even get to experience the incredible feeling of truly loving someone!

The great news is that change and development are lifelong and can happen at any time!

I hope my reply can be of some help to you.

You are in your middle years and feel a bit frustrated. You find it challenging to navigate various relationships, and you also hurt yourself. You sometimes find it difficult to discern between sincerity and insincerity in life, and you keep attacking yourself. Is this an accurate reflection of your experience?

It's important to remember that life is a process of experience. There are no permanent friends or permanent enemies. Time will show us many things. There's no need to rush. Take your time. You've seen your kindness. You want to handle the relationship well and get along with others in harmony. Have you noticed the true goodness within you?

It's possible that your inner emotions may be attacking others in order to protect yourself. It's understandable that you want to survive, and that survival gives you hope. Everyone must first take care of themselves and satisfy their own needs. You are not wrong. No matter what, it's important to remember that life is already more than halfway over. It might be helpful to think about the things you are proud of on your life's journey, the things that make others envious.

We see the whole of ourselves, with our shining moments and our failures, and that is what makes us complete. Everyone is destined to face the challenges of loneliness and to navigate the complexities of the human experience. We stumble and write our own lives, and no one has an easy life. Suffering can be a transformative force, prompting personal growth and awakening.

In today's fast-paced world, we've learned that collaboration is key in both our professional and academic lives. Rather than focusing on competition, we should strive to work hard and do our best, regardless of the outcome. However, some individuals may feel inadequate or unable to find their value when they're trying to prove themselves or defeat others.

It would be inaccurate to suggest that there is such a thing as permanent success or permanent failure.

Perhaps the true meaning of success is to face adversity and surpass oneself along the way. Life is not easy, but it may be helpful to learn to love and fall in love with yourself, to soothe your own heart and become stronger. It might be beneficial to live in harmony with yourself, with a calm and stable mood, and you may find that this is actually the greatest happiness.

If you focus on the positive, you will also attract people with the same frequency. Try to appreciate and accept the temporary bad and unachievable state, be true to yourself, and you will discover your infinite power. Live in gratitude and be full of energy.

We are truly fortunate to have so many wonderful things in our lives, including air, water, and sunshine. When we are able to enjoy these free resources, it brings us immense joy. What are your thoughts on this? Let's try to be grateful for the gift of life in this world. It is already not easy, so let's try to see the beauty in ourselves!

I can see that you are experiencing a great deal of pain and confusion, and I empathize with your struggle. From your description, it seems that the pain you are feeling may be rooted in your interpersonal-relationships-14381.html" target="_blank">relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.

It is often the case that our greatest source of a sense of value comes from our interpersonal relationships. However, it is important to recognise that suffering for these relationships is not a result of committing unforgivable offences or a lack of intelligence. Rather, it is a reflection of our desire for more perfect interpersonal relationships and the call on us to make improvements.

So, if I might suggest, let's take a moment to calm down and think carefully about how we might improve our relationships.

First, love. From your description, it seems that you may have some difficulty discerning whether the man around you is reliable, which is understandable.

It is important to remember that even twins will have different opinions, and that it is not always possible to fully understand whether someone is truly reliable. The essence of love is balancing desire and disappointment. Love is like picking chestnuts out of the fire. When people get along well, they feel a momentary sense of eternity. When their expectations are not met in their loved ones, they may feel a sense of loss.

I would like to suggest that when you meet a man you like, while maintaining your personal safety and mental independence, you embrace your feelings and enjoy the experience.

Secondly, friendship. You express concern about whether you can discern the sincerity of female friends in your life, and I believe your concerns are well-founded. It is therefore important for us to learn how to interact with others, to treat people with sincerity, and to set clear boundaries.

It might be helpful to have your own bottom line. One of the most important things to keep in mind when making friends is to be comfortable with the other person. When friends have different opinions, it's often helpful to negotiate and compromise.

If a friend violates one's bottom line and core interests, it may be time to consider ending the friendship. The art of knowing people is achieved by reading countless people, so let's not be afraid and be brave in making friends. We will only grow through experience.

Thirdly, there is the issue of family. You have mentioned that you have hurt the people around you, which has led to feelings of guilt and self-blame.

It's natural to feel guilty and blame yourself. Your emotions are simply reminding you that you may have done something wrong.

First of all, it's important to remember that this is only a possibility. It's possible that you're not causing much trouble to the people around you, but you're just too concerned about them and are therefore being careful, for fear of hurting them. Different people behave in different ways. The people you love may be hurt by your actions, but in reality they may not be. They may just be used to that way of behaving.

If we have caused pain to someone close to us, it is important not to dwell on the guilt of hurting others, but to take a moment to calm down and think about how we can make amends.

You mentioned that you're unsure of how to resolve the situation and become the kind of person who doesn't hurt your loved ones. At this stage, it might be helpful to try the five techniques: calm description, explanation, analysis, and action.

It would be beneficial to first calm down and take a moment to collect our thoughts.

You might find it helpful to take some deep breaths, engage in a sport, meditate, or distract yourself.

If I may suggest, after you have taken the time to calm down, it would be beneficial to try to describe what exactly happened and how you feel. Perhaps it was the high expectations of our family that we were unable to meet?

Perhaps it was simply a verbal conflict with family members. How did we feel about the problem ourselves?

Perhaps it would be helpful to write a description of the situation on paper to gain a better understanding of how it made you feel.

If I may suggest, the next step would be to move on.

Perhaps it would be helpful to interpret the description. First, let's look at the facts.

Could the issue that caused the conflict perhaps be seen in a different light? Was it simply a disagreement over dinner?

Or perhaps a loved one has suddenly left the house? In such a situation, we might feel a range of emotions, and it's natural to question how we truly feel about this.

Perhaps the degree of our sadness is not entirely aligned with the facts. If we feel extreme pain just because of some friction, it could be that we are overreacting and being overly sensitive. In such cases, it might be helpful to start by adjusting our own state of mind.

If the intensity of our negative emotions is commensurate with the facts, it may be helpful to conduct further analysis. Is there a way to find a balance that works for everyone?

Or perhaps we could consider whether it might be helpful to give up or compromise on certain things. Once the analysis is complete, you may already have a solution to the problem in mind.

Ultimately, it is essential to take action and implement the solutions that have been identified.

If I might make a suggestion, there are really only two main points to consider. First, it might be helpful to regard emotions as clues to understanding ourselves, and use them to better understand reality and solve problems. Second, it could be beneficial to spend a lot of time thinking before we act or speak.

This is the reason behind the saying, "Think twice before acting, choose your words carefully."

I hope the questioner will be able to cultivate happy relationships and grow together!

Although the specifics of the situation were not provided, I can envision the scenario. You find yourself in a position where you lack the ability to trust anyone, huddled together, surveying the surroundings with trepidation, and attributing your circumstances to a lack of courage on your part.

I believe that you were not like this before, so I would like to understand when you started to lose trust in the people around you. There must have been a trigger event.

If you consider the matter further, you may still be uncertain as to which of your statements or actions have caused offence and resulted in reciprocal criticism. Before you can reflect further, another incident will occur, causing you to become embroiled in the situation once more.

You are experiencing anxiety. You believe that you should be able to see clearly and find a solution by this point in your life, so you are unable to accept this confused and powerless self. You may even feel that this self is a burden to those around you.

I am curious if the emotions I have just described are similar to yours. If they are, it is possible that you have found yourself in an emotional whirlpool, with two opposing forces that are making you feel both miserable and unable to escape. These two forces are anxiety, which is eager to find a solution, and self-doubt, which cannot wait to find a solution. These two forces entangle you and prevent you from getting out. The more you cannot get out, the stronger the sense of powerlessness will become, and depression will set in.

If you notice this, take a moment to pause and refrain from hastily seeking a solution or judgment. Allow yourself to listen to your inner voice and reflect on your initial emotional response. An objective perspective can assist in identifying the individuals and circumstances that arose during that time, as well as the emotions they evoked.

It is important to be more understanding and compassionate with yourself.

If you feel somewhat more composed at this juncture, you may wish to inquire once more: Is there anyone in my immediate vicinity with whom I can place my trust? If so, who might that be?

How might I establish trust with them? If at this juncture you recall positive sentiments you have experienced in the past with these individuals, you may have already begun to extricate yourself from the challenging situation.

It should be noted that this is not a comprehensive solution. In some cases, individuals may require additional perspectives to gain insight into their surroundings, understand the people in their environment, learn to interact with diverse individuals, and navigate various interpersonal challenges. These skills are not solely determined by age but are influenced by experience. For instance, a child who has lived in a complex environment since childhood may possess a greater ability to recognize people and their emotions than an adult who has lived in a simple environment for an extended period. This is a natural progression. Similarly, it is not uncommon for an individual who frequently encounters complex interpersonal dynamics to possess more experience than one who rarely does.

Once you have regained your composure and are able to dedicate more time and energy to your personal wellbeing, it may be beneficial to engage in a discussion with a counselor. This could help you to process your experiences and transform your suffering into a valuable source of insight and strength. By doing so, you will gain a depth of understanding that will benefit you in all aspects of your life.

Good morning,

Take a moment to recognize and acknowledge the feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, helplessness, and powerlessness that you may be experiencing. It is important to recognize that self-attack can be a significant obstacle.

Despite our emotional response, we have experienced repeated instances of hardship and adversity. Consequently, we are compelled to confront challenges and anxieties independently on a regular basis.

It is challenging to eliminate the residual effects of hardship from the body.

The "not understanding" we previously discussed arises from the fact that we have acquired certain traits and behaviors during our upbringing that are not compatible with the norms and expectations of modern society. While it may appear as though we are merely seeking protection, in reality, we are fulfilling the needs of those who hold significant influence in our lives. In some instances, we may even become somewhat dependent on them.

You mentioned "I'm sorry to my loved ones around me." This indicates that you have a genuine affection for them, but that over time, you have become constrained by feelings of guilt and fear. It is evident that you lack an environment that fosters love and support.

While striving for personal growth, we frequently encounter feelings of regret.

And what constitutes true blessing? In my view, it is to unlock the sealed kindness, one barrier at a time.

(The aforementioned goodness is not a matter of indoctrination; rather, it is a return to simplicity from within.)

It is possible to choose to pause when judging oneself or others, and to detach oneself from the patterns of pain learned in the past. Focusing on the functioning of the relationship in the present allows one to develop in the direction of one's inner expectations.

Our objective is to cultivate goodwill. In utilitarianism, this objective is of great value and should not be abandoned.

It is important to be aware of safety issues and to adopt a gradual approach to opening up to others.

It may not be realistic to expect others to make a commitment, but we can invest in and experience the journey of life.

Should a commitment be received in the future, consideration can be given to how life can be continued in the desired manner.

Maintaining a sense of boundaries is facilitated by not being overly dependent and exercising restraint.

As we interact with others, we can gradually gain their trust.

We will have the opportunity to live and work in a way that suits our preferences.

I am a certified writer and listener at OnePsych.