Middle-aged woman, dissatisfied with family, how to adjust my mindset and interpersonal relationships?

Hello! I'm thrilled to answer your question. I hope my suggestions will be helpful!

From your description, I can feel that we are actually aware of these changes in our emotions and our views on some relatives. At the same time, we are excited to eliminate these feelings and we are eager to make our family feel comfortable. We just don't know how to do it yet!

Guess what? We have one thing in common with our current situation. It's that the family members we dislike are actually people who aren't related to us by blood. They're outsiders, too!

We may not be able to accept such people becoming our family members, but we can still learn a lot from them!

It's so important to understand that we're not the ones who become family with them. It's our brother who gets to spend his life with his sister-in-law. As long as he likes her and accepts her, that's all that matters! It's them who live their lives behind closed doors. The same goes for the brother-in-law and sister-in-law. The people who form a family with them and spend their lives with them are our sisters and brothers. As long as our sisters like them and accept them, they can live their lives behind closed doors.

As relatives, we just need to give our family members a certain degree of freedom. When we choose our own partners, we just need to look for them according to our own selection criteria.

In the process, we sometimes feel guilty, for example, if I am in a good condition, can I help my family find a better partner? But in fact, the logic of this kind of thinking focuses on the difference in social class. However, we have overlooked one issue, which is about feelings.

In our eyes, the brother-in-law and sister-in-law may not have the best conditions, but we've overlooked something important: their personality and character may be perfect for our siblings! The people who live with them feel very comfortable, and that's what matters most in a marriage. The emotional connection of love is what makes a marriage last, and it's more important than material things. It can even make the family last longer! Even if the living conditions aren't ideal, the emotional feedback will make people feel very comfortable.

For this, we can think about it from another perspective. Even if we are very good and our social class is particularly high, we can help our siblings introduce better partners! But our siblings' view of love and marriage is not like this. They will still choose their current partners because the important thing between them is the emotional connection and the experience they have had together.

For those who don't look down on these so-called outsiders, there's another possibility that we may not be aware of—and it's an exciting one!

For example, I don't like my two brothers-in-law very much either, but my reason is very simple: I don't think they are good enough for my sisters. This "not good enough" is not a matter of physical appearance, but a matter of my personal feelings. It's because I like my sisters so much that I think they are the best people in the world, and no one can match them. So I will dislike my brothers-in-law a little, thinking that they have taken away my sisters from me.

But let's get back to the practical level. My sister was able to choose them, which means they must have certain advantages that I, as the younger sister, cannot discover. I don't live under the same roof with them, and I don't spend the most time with them. I don't know them as well as my sister does. So I'm excited to respect my sister's choice, which I know will be the right one!

If we can't effectively mediate through self-sorting, there's no problem! We can simply seek the help of psychological counseling to assist us in slowly easing from a cognitive level and finding a way to adjust that suits us.

I'm sure that with the support of a professional, you'll be able to regulate your emotions and view the marital status of your siblings in a positive way!

The world and I love you!

I sense distress and suffering in the questioner's heart. From a psychological perspective, this "disgust" may be a need and reflection of the questioner's heart, but the questioner may not be aware of what this information is reflecting or the emotional feelings of disliking relatives it is expressing. Because they may not know what this information is expressing, they may not know how to face it, deal with it, or solve it. Therefore, they may need to go deep inside to perceive and understand what is behind their dislike of relatives and of themselves. Once they figure out the meaning of this information, they may naturally know how to face and solve it.

I can offer some suggestions for the original poster. People who feel they lack usefulness often have a strong desire for a good life. They wish to live the life they want through their own abilities and to gain the respect, trust, understanding, recognition, and acceptance of others. They don't have these things in their hearts, so they long for them even more. It's just that very often they don't realize it themselves, so they don't know what to do.

In middle age, passion in many areas may wane, and people may find themselves craving a more stable and secure life. When they observe that those around them possess something they lack, they may also desire it, which could potentially lead to feelings of comparison and anxiety. This could inadvertently place significant pressure on themselves and their families. It is possible to navigate this stage of life with an open mind, accepting oneself and one's current circumstances, while striving to live a fulfilling life. It may be helpful to pay closer attention to one's own emotions and those of one's family, while reducing one's focus on external comparisons. This approach could help to alleviate a great deal of the stress and worry that often accompany this phase of life.

I hope this is helpful for the questioner, but I recognize that everyone's situation is unique.

First and foremost, it is essential to recognize that everyone possesses unique strengths and weaknesses, including our family members and relatives. With regard to your perception of your sister-in-law's work attitude and child care methods, it is possible that you have a different understanding of the situation. Attempting to comprehend her circumstances and decisions may lead to a shift in your opinion.

With regard to your brother-in-law, one's appearance and family background should not be considered the sole determinants of one's value. It is imperative that we respect the choices and efforts of all individuals.

In regard to your mention of social skills and the introduction of quality individuals to your family, it is important to note that this is not a responsibility or obligation that falls upon you. Each individual possesses their own unique lifestyle and set of choices, and it is not feasible to expect others to adhere to our expectations.

One may endeavor to enhance their social skills, though this is not a means of resolving familial marital issues; rather, it is an effort to enrich one's own life.

With regard to the conflicts and grievances that may be present within one's heart, it is recommended that one attempt to alleviate them in the following ways:

It is important to accept the choices and decisions of one's family members while respecting their lifestyles and personalities. Attempting to change them is unproductive; instead, it is more beneficial to appreciate their strengths.

Communication and understanding: It is essential to maintain open and constructive communication with family members in order to gain insight into their thoughts and feelings. Through effective communication, individuals can gain a deeper understanding of their family members' situation and choices, which can help to reduce misunderstandings and prejudices.

It is recommended that you adjust your mindset. Rather than dwelling on the past, you should learn to let go of the burden in your heart. Instead, focus on the present and the future, and face the challenges and opportunities in life in a positive manner.

It is recommended that individuals seeking support for emotional difficulties should consider friends and family as potential sources of assistance. Sharing one's feelings and thoughts with these individuals may facilitate the provision of advice and help.

It is important to remember that everyone has their own way of life and values, and that respect and tolerance for these differences is essential. It is crucial not to allow struggles and dissatisfaction to negatively impact one's mood and overall quality of life.

Hi, I'm Xintan Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, not just for appreciation, but for blossoming.

If you think your family members are worthless and that none of them can make you look good, you're feeling contempt for them. Basically, they have no looks, no substance, no background, no wealth – in short, none of them can make you look good.

1. Dislike for family members is actually a sign of low self-esteem.

You feel like you're not as good as people with such family members, and you don't want to be associated with them. You're worried that because you're associated with them, people will make fun of you and point you out as an example.

You look at those around you with powerful relatives, generous family members, and cultured, tasteful, and well-rounded parents, in-laws, and siblings, and you envy them. But you know you can't change your own family.

"Everything we see in the external world is a reflection of our inner selves." There's a psychological projection effect that says the other person in your eyes actually represents your truest self.

So, the way we see the world is a reflection of who we are. You can search for the story between Su Dongpo and Master Fo Yin on Baidu: what kind of person do you see in me?

Buddha's print said it saw Buddha, and Su Dongpo said it saw "shi." Su Xiaomei's words made her brother realize and feel ashamed all of a sudden.

How do you feel about your family, given your opinion of your sister-in-law?

You think they have bad genes and lack temperament. What changes have you made to your own tastes and outlook?

You don't like your family because they're poor, ugly, and shallow. What can you do to change their fate?

2. Focus on your inner value and work on self-growth.

I don't mean to criticize. I just want to help you see your own patterns: complaining rather than being grateful, focusing on what you don't have will only lower your energy; the victim mentality, believing that others are responsible for the results of everything, rather than taking responsibility for your own actions.

Life is the perfect place to practice spirituality. When we're aware, we can spot these patterns in ourselves. Once we see them, change will happen naturally. That means we can make changes within our own abilities.

When we move from looking outside ourselves (focusing on the external, material, and the opinions of others) to developing our inner selves, we naturally take on the responsibility that belongs to us: I, what can I do for my family; I, what can I do for this family.

The key here is not to worry about the consequences, but to have the capacity to make a difference.

I'd also recommend "Growing Up for Life" and "Living Consciously," as well as "The Four Lessons of Liao Fan" and the movie "Groundhog Day." They're all great resources for changing your destiny and reaping a beautiful life.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you well.

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal blog, Heart Exploration Service.

Hello!

You're not happy with your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, or brother.

They're your extended family.

You feel superior to yourself and your family.

She's nice, attractive, and happy.

She is also critical of herself. You feel that it is because your social skills are not good enough that you have not been able to introduce your brother and sister to a good partner. You have higher expectations of yourself, and when these expectations are not met, you start to turn on yourself.

Are there no good points?

My sister-in-law only cares about work. She is independent, motivated, and responsible.

She is a good role model for her children. They may hope to be able to stand on their own like their mother.

What you see as vanity and material things is that you haven't reached that level yourself. There's nothing wrong with pursuing good material things if you can do so on your own. But if you compare yourself to your sister-in-law and find that your material conditions are not good, you may attack her in other ways.

Your dissatisfaction with the outside world is really dissatisfaction with yourself.

You expect yourself to be better, but you can't. How can you be like this?

Why don't you have better relatives? Why aren't you in a higher class? Attack the outside world.

What do they think of you?

You don't like them. You've shown it in your body language and daily life. How can your family get along? It's not your husband. It's someone else's husband or wife. Other people's success or failure has nothing to do with you.

Live your life well and be kind to others. You'll be happier.

Hello, I am Yu, a heart exploration coach, and I am going to discuss this topic with you.

First, let's talk about projection. I'm sure many of you are familiar with this term. Projection is the idea of using others as a "scapegoat."

In life, we may think that those bad qualities and behaviors are not our own, but someone else's. This kind of thinking is a defense mechanism that makes us feel less uneasy and anxious, and achieve a state of psychological balance.

As the original poster said, I especially dislike my family. I think they have bad genes and no temperament. I also hate that I don't have good social skills. I'm going to work on that. Perhaps this is a way of attributing what I have to others to relieve my anxiety.

You are just like you think others are. We judge others the way we judge ourselves. Others are a mirror that shows us the real us.

It's time to face facts. We project our thoughts onto others, and many people are reluctant to admit it. It's encouraging that the questioner is aware of this, but it will undoubtedly be a challenging task to do it well.

We can and should observe what we project and make a record of it. For example, I dislike the careless actions of my sister-in-law. I dislike the materialistic and vain words of my sister-in-law.

I will now list the words and actions of my brother-in-law and sister-in-law that I dislike. This will help me see myself from a different perspective and better understand myself.

Let's talk about emotions again. Emotions are composed of unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. Each emotion may be the result of an unmet internal desire. When we miss the opportunity for a promotion or pay rise, we feel sad; when we lose a treasured possession we have had for many years, we feel angry.

As the original poster wrote, I need to stop dwelling on the past and move on.

We must ask ourselves: What about ourselves makes us dislike our sister-in-law for being careless? What about ourselves makes us dislike our sister-in-law for being vain and materialistic?

We must ask ourselves: What about ourselves do we dislike about our lack of social skills?

We can also ask ourselves, "If I hate myself, which one of me is the real me?"

All emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. When you become aware of a negative emotion, you can ask yourself, "What am I worried about? What does this remind me of?"

When we accept our emotions and let them flow, we won't act out due to emotional repression. We can also record our feelings in the moment.

Write honestly about your feelings. This will help us understand the origins and effects of our emotions and identify the root of the problem.

Seek help if you need it. If this thing bothers you, you can overcome it. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, find a counselor. Release your emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

Affirm yourself and empower yourself. You cannot change how other people behave or their interests and hobbies based on the principle of subject-object separation. When you see the truth of life, you will be able to let go of heavy burdens, loosen your tight heart, not be harsh with yourself, not demand too much from others, enrich your knowledge, and enrich your inner self. When your core is strong, the people around you will naturally feel comfortable in your company.

Read the book "Inferiority and Transcendence."

Let's say there's a middle-aged woman, let's call her Fang. Fang and her sister-in-law don't get along, and she always has something negative to say about her. She thinks her sister-in-law is too focused on her work and neglects her responsibilities of taking care of the family and the children. She also thinks her sister-in-law is vain and materialistic.

Xiaofang's sister-in-law and brother-in-law don't stand out in terms of looks or background, which makes Xiaofang feel like their genes and temperament aren't up to par.

However, Fang slowly came to see that her emotions were having a negative effect, not just increasing the tension in the family but also making her feel tired and dissatisfied. So she decided to look at the problem from a different angle.

She started to see her sister-in-law's passion for her work and appreciated her dedication and hard work. She also noticed her sister-in-law's efforts and dedication in other areas. Fang also started to communicate more with her brother-in-law and sister-in-law and realized that although they seemed ordinary, they had qualities like kindness, hard work, and sincerity.

She started to appreciate the fact that family members have different strengths and weaknesses, and that they have the right to make their own choices and live their own lives. She also started to let go of past grievances and prejudices.

From this example, we can see that when someone is willing to change their views and attitudes, it's possible to find common ground and understanding, and thus establish more positive and harmonious family relationships. It's important to learn to tolerate and respect the differences of others, let go of past grudges and prejudices, and face the challenges and problems in the family with a positive attitude.

This is the only way we can truly achieve inner peace and harmonious coexistence.

I get it. You're feeling troubled and dissatisfied. It's important to learn how to deal with and release those negative emotions so you can get along better with your family and find inner peace.

First, let's look at the different characteristics and behaviors of family members. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, including your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and the brother-in-law you mentioned.

Even though they might have made you feel unsatisfied, it'd be good to try to see things from a more tolerant perspective and respect their choices and lifestyles as individuals. It's not about judging a person based on vanity, carelessness, or appearance. It's about appreciating their inner qualities and kindness.

Second, appearance and family background don't define a person. Even if you're not happy with their appearance or family background, everyone has their own value and uniqueness.

Try to be open-minded and see things from a different perspective. You might find that you have more in common with them than you thought. It's important to accept and respect each person for who they are, rather than judging them based on external factors.

It's also important to learn to let go of past resentments and negative feelings. The past can't be changed, but you can choose to move on from negative emotions and free yourself from this distress.

Don't let negative emotions affect your relationships with your family members. Instead, focus on the present and try to find topics and activities that you enjoy with your family together to relieve the stress and negative emotions brought about by family relationships.

Above all, learn to love and appreciate yourself and those around you. We all have things to respect and value, including ourselves and our families.

Show respect for others, accept their shortcomings, and work to build a more positive and harmonious relationship with them to achieve inner peace and happiness.

If you're struggling to cope with these emotions and challenges on your own, it might be helpful to speak to a counselor or a professional psychologist. They can help you understand your emotions better and provide solutions to the problems and conflicts in your family relationships.

I hope you find inner peace and release, and build healthier, more positive relationships.

Those who are suffering will inevitably undergo a change.

Dear Questioner, Middle-aged women often face significant stressors, including responsibilities at work and at home, as well as emotional changes. They often serve as the primary support for their families and are expected to maintain a balance between their personal and professional lives. Additionally, they often have to navigate the challenges of caring for both aging parents and young children, which can be particularly demanding. As they navigate these challenges, it's important to recognize that their perspectives and priorities shift with age. When they were younger, their focus was largely on emotions, with little consideration for the practical aspects of life. However, as they mature, they tend to become more realistic, taking into account factors like background, work, and family. This shift in perspective is a natural part of growth and development.

Please provide the date you began to dislike your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and sister.

Please clarify whether there was an intervening event.

Please describe your relationship with your husband.

It would appear that you have a negative opinion of your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law, but it should be noted that they all entered your family at a later point in time. It is therefore inaccurate to assume that your own brother, sister, and sister-in-law are perfect, as they have not been part of your family for as long. It would be reasonable to expect that they have their own flaws and shortcomings.

Is it possible that this is merely a projection? At first glance, it appears that you resent them, but could it be that you resent your husband?

"I also hate that I don't have good social skills to introduce relatively high-quality people to my family." This demonstrates your affection for your loved ones and your aspiration for their well-being, which is commendable.

The questioner is seeking a high-quality partner for their family members, which has led to feelings of incompetence and anxiety. I would like to inquire about your brother's attitude towards his own life and whether his dissatisfaction with his partner aligns with yours. Specifically, is he concerned about their lack of attention to childcare and other responsibilities? Additionally, I would like to understand if his sisters share these concerns. If so, how can they be happy in their lives when they are dissatisfied with their partners?

Are you experiencing unhappiness or suffering?

Consider who is experiencing distress and anxiety. It is your siblings who are repaying you.

Those who are suffering will change. I believe that you, being a highly capable individual, already have the answer; you were just momentarily confused.

In middle age, although life presents challenges, it is important to prioritize your own happiness. First, focus on your family and personal well-being. Your siblings, children, and spouse are your relatives, while your spouse and children are your family. At this stage of life, it is crucial to prioritize the health and well-being of yourself and your family members. Maintain an optimistic outlook and strive to see the positive in every situation. In your daily interactions, recognize the good qualities in your children and spouse and acknowledge their contributions. By doing so, you can foster a positive family atmosphere and create a supportive environment where you and your loved ones can thrive.

Secondly, it is important to discipline yourself to engage in activities that enhance your well-being, such as yoga, singing, studying, cooking, and developing a sense of ritual. Thirdly, it is crucial to excel in your professional role and make a positive impact. You serve as an exemplary role model for your children.

I wish you continued success and good health.