My 14-year-old daughter is rebellious, doesn't communicate and loses her temper. I don't know how to comfort her.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

You feel angry with your daughter but also hurt. How could you not feel pain and love for your child?

When she rebels and doesn't communicate with you, it makes you anxious. The more anxious you get, the angrier you become, and the angrier you become, the more anxious you get, until you mess things up. She feels guilty inside.

As a mother of an adolescent daughter, I give you a hug and we will talk.

?1. Understanding your daughter's changes

At 14, kids are confused and want to explore themselves.

They care about what their friends think and don't depend on their parents or teachers as much. They start having their own world with diaries, friends, and places they think are safer.

Hormones can also affect their emotions. They may act in ways that make their parents feel they are unreasonable and no longer obedient.

As parents, we don't call our kids rebellious or defiant. They just have their own ideas and want to express themselves.

Today's young people are raised differently than we were. They are respected and given the right to choose. They can even learn about the world through the internet.

Children need more respect, trust, and a say from parents and teachers than they do from their parents.

2. Know your feelings.

You realize you're not very good at this. You made chicken soup for your daughter, but she didn't appreciate it. You got angry and did something irrational.

You feel guilty and regret your "incompetence" and "powerlessness," but don't know how to fix it. You also feel aggrieved and wonder why your daughter doesn't understand you.

When you see your emotions and the needs behind them, you can change and have new options.

You can give your daughter a hug, a greeting, or an apology. We don't express ourselves with our parents. Why not express yourself with the next generation?

Intimacy means not being afraid. We are intimate with our partners and children.

You can also see your own patterns in how you interact with your child.

Here are a few tips:

1) Learn to communicate. Getting angry is one way to communicate, but it is not effective.

Love your daughter with emotion, sincerity, and trust. Meet her needs.

Show your love in many ways. Let love flow.

2) Give each other space. Your child just wants to be left alone. This period of time may last for a while.

Give her time to mature and grow. Give yourself and your parent-child relationship time to repair/become closer.

Even though our parents raised us in a "free-range" way, we also had a period of youthful rebellion. Put yourself in their shoes and you will understand and accept your child's special period better.

3) Make mistakes at low cost.

Everyone goes through a rebellious phase. The difference is when. Some rebel in their youth, while others rebel at work, in marriage, or in intimate relationships.

Why not go through this stage with your child when it's cheapest? Read "How to Hug a Hedgehog" and "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love."

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the conversation, click "Find a Coach" in the top right or bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello! I'm Xiang Yuchenghuan, a heart exploration coach. I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

Fourteen-year-olds have entered puberty, and their psychological development is characterized by increased self-awareness, a desire for respect from others, a desire to make decisions independently, a desire to have some rights of their own, and many internal psychological needs. Their internal world is actually also very conflicted and contradictory. They want to be very capable, but in reality their abilities fall short. This is totally normal! At this time, parental support and respect are particularly important. If parent-child communication is to be effective, then non-judgmental, non-accusatory communication is an important prerequisite. Otherwise, when both sides are in an emotional state, it is naturally difficult to deal with the problem.

It's totally normal for kids to want to play with their phones or watch TV when they come home from school. But if they're not talking to you, it might be because they feel like they can get what they need from their phones and TVs, and they don't feel that way with you. If you can give her what she gets from her phone and TV, she'll talk to you! It's important to remember that scolding and yelling won't help. They'll just make things worse. Try to believe, see, and encourage more.

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

There are two golden rules for communicating with children effectively: create a good atmosphere and avoid criticizing or blaming. Instead, express your feelings and needs and make specific requests.

It's so important to remember that if we communicate while we're in the middle of an emotional outburst, our brain will be occupied by our emotional brain and we won't be able to express ourselves rationally. We've all been there! When you're angry and lose your temper, you might find yourself just pouring the chicken soup on her clothes. At this time, we've actually lost our rationality and are completely in the middle of an emotional outburst. Our actions at this time are all very impulsive and destructive.

Your daughter might not be speaking, but she's probably feeling a lot of different things. She might be scared, or she might feel frustrated. She might feel confused or lost. In short, she's probably feeling scared. At that time, her emotions are all over the place, and it's hard for her to communicate with you effectively.

So, if we want to communicate effectively, it's really important to choose a good time and atmosphere. For example, when you're having a happy meal together, going somewhere for a picnic, chatting together, etc. It's in such an atmosphere that you can have a positive interaction and truly effective communication. Then, when communicating, you need to do so without criticizing or blaming, especially with adolescents. They have very strong self-esteem and care a lot about their parents' evaluation of them. If parents always blame and criticize, they'll become increasingly insecure and feel that they are very bad, which is not at all conducive to the development of their self-confidence in the future.

So, it's really important to express your feelings and needs without being critical or accusatory. And it's also a good idea to say what you would like her to do.

For example, you can say to your child at some point in the future, "The other day, I poured chicken soup on you and I felt so guilty. I love you so much and care about you so much! I'm just worried that your picky eating habits and spending too much time on your phone and watching TV will affect your health and future development. So I got a little upset. I hope you can forgive me. I also believe that you will gradually eat a balanced diet and spend less time on your phone and watching TV. Is there anything else you need us to do?"

When you communicate in this way, your child will feel your love for her. You can also negotiate how to handle the situation the next time it arises. For example, if both of you are angry, don't communicate for now, just calm down separately. After you have calmed down, we can continue the conversation.

2. We all get upset from time to time. How can you release your emotions and keep your heart in a relatively stable state?

Sometimes, our feelings and emotions can be influenced by our inner state. This means that when we're feeling happy and positive, we're less likely to get upset by our child's actions. However, when we're feeling down or frustrated, it's more common for us to lose our cool.

It's also really important to let your emotions out and try to keep your inner state as calm as you can.

It's totally understandable to feel angry when you feel helpless and incompetent, especially when your child is a picky eater and there seems to be nothing you can do to change her.

But if we keep using this approach to try to get the child to change, it is obviously going to be difficult to have any effect, because he is still a picky eater, right? So, instead of getting angry, let's try using encouragement and combine it with some incentive mechanisms to activate the child's motivation to eat a balanced diet.

For example, after your little one has enjoyed some nutritious green leafy vegetables, you can encourage and praise her and give her some fun rewards to help her develop a love for eating green leafy vegetables.

It's also a good idea to find ways to let your emotions out and take care of your feelings from time to time. For example, you could try keeping an emotional diary where you write down your feelings and thoughts every day. You could also do some aerobic exercises regularly to release your stress and bad emotions. Or you could go to see some good friends to chat and talk about your worries.

If you and your little one are having a disagreement, you can also use some ways to calm down. For example, take five deep breaths, or leave the scene and go to another room or place to calm down. After you have regained your composure, communicate with your child again, and use the communication methods I mentioned earlier to express your feelings and needs, as well as what you need her to do.

This way, you can make sure that your relationship with your little one doesn't get affected by any intense conflicts.

3. If you can see why your daughter likes to play with her phone and watch TV, and if you can meet her needs in real life, then she won't be so addicted to it.

It's totally normal for kids to love playing with their phones and watching TV. It's a great way for them to get what they need, like a sense of achievement, instant feedback, appreciation and love from their friends, and a sense of belonging to online relationships. If they haven't been able to get these things at home, it's no surprise they'd rather stay in the world of their phone and not want to talk to you.

So, it's really important to try to understand her needs, give her more practical companionship, support, encouragement and appreciation, let her participate in various family activities, and help her to feel a sense of belonging and a sense of worth. When she can also gain the sense of accomplishment and pleasure she wants at home, and she feels your appreciation and love for her, and feels the warmth and love of the family, then she will put down her phone, participate more in family activities, happily talk to you, tell you her thoughts, tell you what she has seen and heard, tell you about her troubles and curiosities...

I hope this is helpful for you! Sending you lots of love and best wishes!

Hello!

"My daughter is 14 and doesn't talk. She comes home, plays with her phone, watches TV, and doesn't talk to us." Do you know why? Is something going on at school?

Why doesn't the child talk to adults? If she doesn't talk, she'll keep it bottled up.

If a child can't talk to her parents, who can she talk to? If no one is there to talk to, everything gets bottled up inside. How does that feel?

She drank it, but kept dripping it on the floor. I lost my temper and didn't let her drink it. I poured the chicken soup directly onto her clothes. As a parent, I think this behavior is too much. She has to drink the chicken soup I made!

What if she doesn't drink it?

She won't starve if she doesn't drink it, but she's defying me. It means I'm not a good mother.

This shows that drinking chicken soup is the mother's need, not the daughter's.

He didn't say anything, then changed his clothes and cried. I didn't say anything. I rarely get angry. I let him drink the soup. She doesn't drink it because she's always been picky, and I'm also angry at my own incompetence. After you poured the soup on her clothes, she didn't say anything, indicating that your daughter has been completely conquered and is afraid to express her opinions. She just obeys.

You say you rarely lose your temper, but you mean it when you say, "Don't say a word. Just do as I say." Does it sound like that?

The above is my analysis and response to the original text. I am also a parent with a child going through puberty.

As parents, we must decide what we will do for our children and what we expect from them.

People usually think responsibility means providing food, clothing, and money for school. But a life also needs spiritual things.

It's important to care about our children's emotions and feelings. If we don't, they can have problems like running away from home or not wanting to go to school.

What do we expect from our children? Some want them to be successful. Some just want them to be happy and healthy.

It's reasonable to expect children to learn and be capable on the premise of growing up happy and healthy. But it should not exceed this premise. Don't put the child's parents' unfulfilled wishes on them because they will be overwhelmed and stressed.

Hello, question asker!

I wish I could give you more advice on communicating with your adolescent daughter in just a short description of 200 words or so! Even so, I'm excited to chat with you in my answer and explore more possibilities with you when you're feeling distressed by this.

[You are the one who needs comfort most at the moment, and you will get it!]

Your question is about how to comfort your daughter, but the chicken soup you've spent so much time and effort cooking with all your heart was rejected by your daughter. You may have felt disappointed, aggrieved, and even helpless at that moment. Perhaps expressing your emotions directly to your daughter is not your usual way of doing things, so you didn't say, "My child, this is the chicken soup that I cooked especially for you, and now that you are not drinking it, I feel a little sad and a little discouraged." Instead, you chose to suppress these real emotions and instead resorted to the behavior of "threatening your child that if they don't drink the soup, they can't play with the phone."

This behavior triggered a more unpleasant result, and you were enraged, losing control of your emotions and ultimately committing the extreme act of "pouring chicken soup." This in turn may have triggered feelings of regret, guilt, self-blame, helplessness, etc.

If you could always see and express all these complex emotions of yours, as in the chicken soup incident, and if your husband could stand up and comfort you on his own initiative, you would feel so much better!

[You can only do well if you feel good]

Both adults and children do better when they feel good. Imagine if your husband had come to comfort you at the beginning when your daughter refused to drink the soup. He could have told you that he felt "the chicken soup is so delicious, it's a pity that your daughter doesn't drink it." And imagine if someone had stood by your side at that time. You might not have cared whether your child wanted to drink the soup or not.

At the same time, for a 14-year-old daughter in puberty, chicken soup may not be as attractive as fast food. She also wants to prove to her parents that she is not the child who used to listen to adults in everything, and that she can stick to her own ideas. If you respect her right to make this choice, it doesn't matter if she drinks it or not, and maybe she will eventually try to drink less.

Eating is a wonderful human instinct that we don't need to tempt or force. Let's make mealtimes a time to look forward to!

Children don't just listen to what we say — they watch what we do!

As your child grows into an adolescent, their relationships with their peers will become more important than their relationships with you. This is a natural part of their development, so don't be surprised if they don't want to talk to you as much as they used to. If you feel that your child is prone to temper tantrums, don't worry! Instead of warning her not to lose her temper or giving her a lecture, show her how to express her emotions properly when she is angry and calmly resolve the problem, rather than acting impulsively.

On the other hand, if we've said time and again that we can't lose our cool, but we still get emotional when things go wrong and tend to express ourselves through actions rather than words, there's a good chance our kids will do the same. That's why it's so important for parents to be role models for their children's behavior!

I really hope that the original poster will be kind to herself and tolerant of her daughter. I'm sure they will successfully navigate her adolescence together!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From the description, it's clear that the questioner's daughter has become uncommunicative. When she gets home from school, she just plays with her phone and watches TV. This is how she behaves at home. Has the questioner spoken to the child's teacher to find out if she behaves similarly at school?

The questioner is saying that they don't like to talk now and don't like to communicate with their family. That means the child wasn't like this before. When did it start, or what happened that made the child become like this?

There is a reason for it.

The child is now 14 years old. Most adolescents are sensitive and rebellious, but not all of them will rebel during adolescence. There is no doubt that whether a child rebels or not is related to the atmosphere at home and at school, as well as the relationship with family members, teachers, and classmates.

The questioner made chicken soup and told her child to drink it, but she refused. The questioner believes the reason she refused was because she was playing with her phone. The questioner took her phone away, but in the process, the child choked her and didn't drink properly. This made the questioner very angry.

I would like to ask the questioner: if the child doesn't want to drink, why does she have to drink? Did you make the soup yourself just for your daughter to drink?

If she doesn't drink, forcing her to drink is disrespectful. When she doesn't drink, you should consult her first to find out why she doesn't want to drink.

From my perspective as an observer, it's clear that the parents are using their authority to force the child to comply. If they can't get their way, they'll use something the child cares about to make them compromise. If this is how parents and children interact long-term, it's evident why children avoid talking to their family.

Adolescents have a strong sense of independence. They have their own opinions and think for themselves. They want adults to stop treating them like children. They can't just be told off a few times and then forget about all the hurt. They want adults to respect them because they have self-esteem too.

It is crucial to recognize the needs of the child.

She knows the questioner will be angry if she doesn't drink her soup, yet she still chooses to do it. The questioner, who is angry at the time, will likely feel that the child is deliberately antagonizing her and trying to make her angry.

The child is communicating with her parents in her own way, but the questioner is more concerned about her own emotions and ignores the child's needs and emotions. She may not have said anything, but her silence is a clear expression of her resistance.

I want to know what the questioner thought when she dropped the soup on the floor. Did she think her efforts were wasted?

I don't have time to spend tidying up later. She's not listening to me now.

There's a saying: "Clean up your own messes." If she spills soup on the floor, she's the one who has to clean it up.

The questioner is aware of the seriousness of the problem, which has caused confusion and anxiety. The child does not do anything the questioner says. The questioner is anxious to control the child using her own methods. When these methods do not work, the questioner covers up her inner feelings of helplessness and panic with anger. In paying more attention to her own emotions, the questioner neglects the child's behavior, which is sending us a message of need.

Find the right way to get along.

Looking back on the process of getting along with each other, I can see that I have a tendency to treat my child with demands more often, hoping that she will know what to do or how far to go. Children have their own ideas, and we sometimes just say that they don't understand our ideas, which can easily lead to misunderstandings and conflicts between parents and children.

The child is our child, but they are also an independent individual. We don't want to be controlled by others, and the child also thinks the same way. Treating the child as a friend or an adult may lead to a different way of getting along with them.

"The Character of Children" is a must-read for the original poster. We always want to give our children a rich life, but we often neglect to consider whether this is what the child wants. While we are moved by our own emotions, we fail to realize that the child is suffering.

The fact that the questioner can ask questions and observe changes in the child shows that they care about the child. However, their concern for the child's changes makes it difficult for them to face the problem calmly.

First, identify the issues in your relationship with your child, reflect on them, and demonstrate to your child through your actions that you are aware of your shortcomings and are committed to making changes. I am confident that my advice will be helpful to the questioner, and I wish them the best.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the original poster.

Hello.

I'm Kelly Shui from Heart Exploration.

My 14-year-old daughter is rebellious, doesn't communicate, and throws tantrums.

Children rebel for a reason. As they grow up, they want to be free, independent, and in control of their lives. They don't want to be "controlled" or restricted by their parents.

Children at this stage have already begun to explore themselves and rebel.

Charles Dickens was right: parents should be broad-minded friends to their children.

However, many first-time parents are overwhelmed by their children's rebellious behavior when they are educating them.

Let me be clear: if it comes to a child's adolescence, the child's rebellion will make parents even more helpless.

1: My daughter is 14 years old and has no interest in talking. She spends her days after school playing with her phone and watching TV, and she refuses to communicate with us.

Children at this stage crave attention from their parents and want their emotions to be acknowledged. If they feel neglected, they will become disappointed.

Ask your daughter what's wrong.

Tell me, were you tired from studying today?

Tell me what interesting things happened with the teachers and classmates.

But what if something unhappy happens?

This way, the child will feel the love of their parents.

It is crucial for couples to adjust their relationship during this period. Many parents are naturally affectionate and can foster a positive atmosphere at home. However, some parents may find themselves in a less than ideal situation and may resort to blaming each other. If the children are the source of their frustration, they may unintentionally direct their emotions towards them.

Many parents avoid communicating with their children because their relationship with their spouse is strained.

Children who grow up in this environment will inevitably become disheartened by their parents' indifference if this goes on for too long.

Children of this age crave friendship and seek the care of others, whether at school or in society.

Children at this age are not really growing up. They do not have a correct sense of right and wrong and need more guidance and attention from their parents. They should make friends with compatible classmates, cultivate their own hobbies, values, reading, and distract themselves.

You will no longer spend all your time playing with your phone or watching TV.

Understand whether the child may be having difficulties at school or with interpersonal relationships. Be a friend to your child. Let them play happily at home and receive your approval and encouragement.

2: Understand the child's pent-up emotions and help them release them.

If parents are of the strong-willed type at this stage, they will not respect their child's preferences and needs. They will either disregard them or impose their own ideas on their child.

If you wait too long, your child will rebel.

If a child grows up in this kind of family environment, they will crave others' approval of their views. To satisfy this need, many children will rebel and act out in order to prove to adults that they have grown up.

As the questioner said, she won't drink the chicken soup you cooked for her.

We can control our emotions. We can try a different approach. Ask the child what she wants to drink if she doesn't want to drink the chicken soup.

This will make the child feel respected and heard.

Or: "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you didn't like chicken soup today. I won't make it again. The point isn't the soup. It's about giving your child a chance to think about it."

They disappointed their mother.

3: Ageing brings about changes in their state.

Children at this age are not as dependent on their parents as kindergarteners. They also begin to explore the world, their relationship with themselves, friends, and parents.

Psychologist Erik Erikson was clear that children in this stage seek self-identity. They move from being children who need parental care to growing up and exploring who they are and what their future direction is.

Help children explore the world, open their hearts, understand their preferences, respect their emotions, watch movies together, and talk about your respective views. Give them a sense of belonging at home and let them be free to choose and be themselves.

They don't want to be completely dependent on their parents. They want to interact with them as friends.

During this stage, children also begin to adjust their interpersonal relationships, which represents a process in which parent-child relationships are slowly replaced.

Respect the child's independence and change some fixed communication patterns.

Parents must grow up, accompany their children's growth, and see their children.

She is rebelling because she is unhappy. Children reflect their parents' behaviour, and parents should set a good example for their children.

We become parents so that we can purify our hearts and perfect our characters, not to write our children's lives.

Parents must understand this if they want to progress, grow, and mature.

It is beneficial for parents to witness their children's rebellious behavior. It serves as a crucial reminder to change ourselves. If a child's emotions are never acknowledged:

1. It will affect the child's learning.

2. It also affects children's interpersonal relationships.

Children can and should learn more about intimacy in the family. They can also learn to think from the perspective of others and understand the pain of others.

Parents should also talk honestly with their children and apologize proactively, saying sorry. This is how children are taught.

They must be able to calmly express their emotions when they are uncomfortable. Otherwise, the child may react violently.

If a child's interpersonal interactions with others are assumed, it will undoubtedly affect their development and suppress their individuality.

If a child's development of self-identity is not smooth and they do not receive understanding from their parents, they will suppress themselves. They will usually lack assertiveness in real life or in groups and prefer to go with the flow.

3: Rebellious children are also children with opinions and character.

The best way to deal with a child's rebellion is to allow it. Show them that they have the strength to want to rebel.

Ask your child what she thinks afterwards to help her open up.

Read the book It's All for Your Own Good.

We grow up together.

Happy birthday!

Hello, I understand your frustration as a parent!

First of all, rebellion isn't a shortcoming; it's just a characteristic of children in adolescence. I don't know how you understand rebellion, but if it means disobeying adults, then your daughter is rebellious.

As kids grow up, they need to learn what's right through trial and error. If they always do things the way adults think they should be done, even if it can be done, they'll have no future.

Second, communication is a two-way street. When communication breaks down, it's not fair to place the responsibility on one party.

So when do kids usually stop communicating with their parents? It's during adolescence, or when they express their opinions and get nothing but criticism and incomprehension in return.

Since it's pointless talking to you, I might as well not say anything. This is the child's passive resistance against the parents' refusal to listen to their opinions.

Also, habits take a long time to form. If they're not formed right, it'll be twice as hard to change them when they're older. For instance, if a kid is a picky eater, it's probably not a habit they developed in their teens. Since it was tolerable when they were younger, there's no need to forcefully correct it now.

As they get older, they can learn from their mistakes.

At the end of the day, the family should be a warm and welcoming place, and parents should be unconditional supporters of their children. Only parents who are willing to stand together with their children to face difficulties will have a child who is willing to share their thoughts with them.

Hello, It seems there may be a discrepancy in the way you and your daughter communicate. I can sense your frustration, your sense of being at a loss, and your love for your daughter.

My daughter is 14 years old and rarely communicates with her parents. 14 years old is a rebellious period of adolescence. In fact, there are two other rebellious periods before that. One is from two to three years old, and the other is from six to nine years old. I would be grateful to learn more about the communication patterns between parents and children during these two stages. At the age of two to three, the earliest development of self-awareness, he knew at that time that I was an individual, that I was separate from my mother, and that I could make my own decisions. If the parents' attitude at this time is relatively strong and they do not respect the child's wishes, the two subsequent rebellious periods may be more challenging to navigate. At the age of 14

He is already a big boy. At this stage, he would likely prefer to have an

An equal relationship would entail a willingness to make decisions together. If you're interested in changing your relationship, it might be helpful to consider making some changes within yourself first.

Regarding the issue of picky eating in children, I recognize that this can be a challenging situation for many parents. I would like to inquire whether, in the event that the child does not consume the meal or the chicken soup, there is a possibility that she may become hungry.

If he gets hungry, will he just eat by himself? It might be helpful to teach your child to bear the direct consequences. This could mean that if you skip a meal, you won't get any food after that time. If you're hungry, you can only eat at the next meal.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to consider that the phone has no direct relationship with eating soup. If you trade everything with your phone, he may also trade with you in various ways in the future. It might be more constructive to express your love, rather than forcing him to drink the chicken soup. You could say something like, "My dear, I see how hard you work at school, so I made you some chicken soup to help you recover. This bowl of chicken soup is full of my love, and I hope you will feel stronger after drinking it."

"

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you have made an agreement with your child about using their phones.

For instance, perhaps you could consider setting a limit on the amount of time you spend on your phone each day. If you haven't already done so, it might be helpful to discuss this with your child and come to an agreement together.

You might say, "My dear, I know you're tired after a long day at school. When you come home, you want to relax for a while by watching TV or on your phone. I'm just worried that spending a long time looking at the screen is bad for your eyes. Let's make a deal: After school, we'll watch the phone for half an hour, and then we can do our homework or go for a walk. How about spending some time with me?" It's important to remember that making a deal is a process, and it doesn't mean that it will work after just one or two days. So, it's important to be patient. We need to give our children more trust, spend more time with them doing meaningful things, and connect with them.

As to why children cry, it was mentioned earlier that children are individuals with their own thoughts and consciousness. They want to be respected and accepted. During the process of being forced to drink the soup, she may feel that she is not being respected and understood. On the contrary, if there is something you don't want to do, but someone forces you to do it, how would you feel?

If I might make one more observation, it seems that your concern about your daughter not drinking soup may be an indication of a complex within you. It might be helpful to be aware of your own feelings and emotions. A stable mother can raise a stable child.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you well.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, it is evident that you are currently facing some challenges in your relationship with your daughter and are unsure of how to address them. Before proceeding with the discussion, if you permit, I would like to extend a gesture of support and understanding. Best regards, [Name]

In general, children, both boys and girls, will experience significant behavioral changes when they reach the age of 14 or 15. Children who were previously outgoing and communicative may become more reserved. The child who was previously eager to discuss everything with their parents may now demonstrate a greater inclination to process information independently and occasionally engage in disagreements with their parents, which can be challenging for parents to navigate. At the same time, it can also be emotionally taxing. As you mentioned, when faced with a child in distress, it can be difficult to know how to provide comfort.

It is evident that the mother is still striving to gain a deeper understanding of her child.

It is not uncommon for individuals with a generally good temperament to experience a strong urge to react strongly to the actions of adolescents. This urge can lead to physical illness if not properly managed. When faced with a situation, it is important to focus on the matter at hand and avoid using it as an excuse to vent. When emotions are unstable, it is essential to press the pause button and wait for them to stabilize. Once emotions have stabilized, it is crucial to present the facts and reasoning together.

It is also important to note that the so-called "rebellious period" is an integral aspect of the psychological development of adolescents. As children progress to the subsequent stage of development, they will gradually overcome this phase. Parents should adopt a more patient approach during this period.

The aforementioned information is provided for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. Please take care of yourself.

Hello! I totally get where you're coming from.

All parents have the same concerns, and that's okay!

It's totally normal for kids to go through a rebellious phase at 14. It's a time of exploring their independence and identity. As a parent, it's important to remember that your daughter is still your child, and she needs your love and guidance during this transition. Don't make a big deal out of it. Let her know you're there for her, and that you're open to discussing her concerns.

It's clear that your daughter is very obedient and introverted. She's the type who keeps her thoughts to herself and never expresses them easily.

It's so important to remember that when you have conflicts, if you both stick to your own tempers, it will only make the conflict more prominent.

As a parent, you might want to try a different approach and technique.

First, treat your child as a friend, find her interests, and take the initiative to befriend her. It's so important to care about more than just her grades! Her life, her friends, and her interests are all part of who she is, and they're worth your attention. Through friendly exchanges, you can open up her inner world and help her navigate the confusing bits along the way.

It would be great if you could find ways to help her feel more secure and find someone to talk to on her phone.

Second, encourage your child more and guide him or her to think in a positive direction and act in a positive way. For some of her "undesirable" behaviors, don't be too hasty for the time being, but try to change them gradually.

Third, you can help your child resolve some internal conflicts and use your experience as parents to help your child make plans. It's important to remember that "controlling your child with a mobile phone" will only end up controlling your child with a mobile phone.

Fourth, make sure you spend as much time as you can with your little ones. It's so important to grow up with them and see them grow up too! If you need to, have a chat with the school and teachers to find out more about any deeper issues. Then you can work together to solve them quickly and keep your kids happy and healthy.

Why do individuals tend to avoid verbal communication? Some individuals are naturally introverted and refrain from engaging in discourse with others. Alternatively, they may dislike verbal interactions and therefore choose not to participate in them. Another possibility is that they have had a negative experience with a conversation and thus prefer to avoid further interactions of this nature. Which of these scenarios do you believe best describes your daughter's situation?

The relationship between parents and children is the most imbalanced. As a child matures from infancy to adulthood, the physical changes that accompany this process do not necessarily align with the mentality of "always being a child." On the one hand, there is a profound expression of love and affection, while on the other hand, there is a tendency to exhibit condescension and a lack of regard for others. However, a 14-year-old child already possesses a strong sense of self and an independent personality. Their habits, natural words and deeds may appear to be unacceptable and taboo to them.

The preparation of chicken soup for her to consume is an act of love and care from a mother. It is to be expected that she will experience feelings of distress and sadness when such care and attention is rejected. It is therefore important to consider the underlying reasons for the anger and rage.

One must inquire as to the rationale behind the compulsion to force or coerce her into acquiescence. Is it possible for her to decline your benevolent intentions?

Is it unreasonable to expect her to behave in accordance with your expectations? Is it necessary for her to accept your love?

One might inquire whether the daughter is obliged to comply with the father's directives. Upon reflection on the genesis of the present conflict, it is plausible that a more significant dispute may be averted.

Your daughter is 14 years old, still a minor, and is in the rebellious stage of her life. It is inevitable that she will exhibit various inadequacies and shortcomings. If you believe that she is being inconsiderate and disobedient, and regardless of the reasons, as parents and adults, is there no alternative to forcing her? It would be prudent to consider that this approach may only result in confrontation and further alienation.

If one desires respect and active listening from a partner, it stands to reason that trust and closeness are prerequisites for effective dialogue and communication. It is not difficult to imagine the emotional resistance and alienation that will inevitably accompany negative interpretations and reactions to specific actions. After all, the individual in question is only 14 years of age, and it is understandable that the directness and impropriety of this situation may be perceived as such.

Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that your daughter still deserves your love and affection. Allowing her the space and time to process her emotions and develop her own perspective will not only demonstrate your unconditional acceptance but also foster a sense of comfort and security within her.

A child's natural need for care and love from their parents is evident, yet at this particular age, they also require respect, independence, understanding, and tolerance. The act of drinking chicken soup is beneficial for growth, and if one does not drink it, one can always revisit the topic at a later time. The use of one's phone for extended periods can harm one's eyesight and negatively impact academic performance. Therefore, it is essential to discuss a suitable time for such activities. The capacity to predict one's feelings and reactions to the words and actions of others is a skill that can be developed. With wisdom, one can adapt to a situation when interacting with others. However, it appears that the way one treats one's daughter differs from the way one treats other individuals. This discrepancy seems to stem from the fact that the daughter is one's own child.

Given the considerable time spent together and the relaxed nature of the relationship, it is evident that the fact of her growth and dramatic change has been overlooked. The question thus arises as to what she might think in this regard.

The question thus arises as to whether she is capable of forming her own opinions and of disobeying.

The ultimate question is whether one can refuse even a loving gift. In essence, the issue is whether one can treat the child as an adult.

It is, of course, possible to discuss and guide a child in making specific choices. This is a responsibility and necessity of being a parent, but it is no longer possible to rely on simple authority and coercion. This is an important aspect that parents must learn and work hard at.

It is important to remember that children will eventually grow up and leave home. While they are still young and before there are too many consequences, it is beneficial to allow them to make more mistakes, in order for them to learn from their experiences and avoid repeating similar mistakes in the future. The sooner they develop the ability to think independently and accept the consequences of their actions, the sooner they will gain an understanding of the world around them.

It is recommended that a roadmap be drawn, with the exception of the major issues of principle and direction. In this manner, the individual in question will have the opportunity to explore and discover, and only in this way can one gain proximity to the individual and exert a positive influence.

It is my sincere hope that you will find happiness.

Hello, dear questioner. I can sense your helplessness, anxiety, and powerlessness in this moment.

We will now examine the current conflicts between the child and parents.

1. The child is not communicating with his parents.

2. Addicted to Electronic Products

3. Mom's emotions

Let's examine each of these.

I need to know when the child stopped talking to his parents.

I need to know if anything special happened at the time.

I need to know if the parents did anything about it.

The child is 14 years old and going through puberty. At this time, the surge of hormones in the body makes it impossible for them to find an outlet for their emotions!

If you encounter a parent with a short temper, you will easily be able to ignite a conflict. The child will use all their strength to fight back, arguing and fighting with you.

As the saying goes, suppression breeds resistance. Parents must stop using a tough attitude with their children!

External factors also play a role in children's rebelliousness.

For example, the family atmosphere, the parent-child relationship with parents, the way mom and dad get along, the relationship with classmates, academic performance, etc.

This will undoubtedly impact the child's body and mind!

Children at this stage are often vulnerable and sensitive. They need their parents to understand and respect them, to care for them, and to provide them with the warmth of the family.

When faced with this child full of contradictions and eager to grow up,

Parents must be able to switch places and stop communicating with their children in a didactic and threatening manner.

Use non-violent communication. Don't blame or complain. Talk about needs, feelings, and requests. This way, you can avoid conflicts.

The child already has her own independent thoughts. We must make friends with the child and treat her with equality and respect. The child will only open up and chat with us when she feels respected and loved!

A good parent-child relationship is essential for children to grow up healthily!

Children become addicted to electronic products because their real-world needs are not being met, so they turn to the virtual world for comfort.

As parents, you can and should find out where your child's needs are lacking and help them return from the virtual world to the real world!

If your child is lacking companionship, they will not feel a sense of achievement in playing games.

If your child lacks friends or has other interests apart from playing games, you need to address this.

You need to find out what your child wants from playing games. The best way to do this is to spend more time with your child, help them find their own interests and hobbies, and go to sports with them.

She will only get rid of her electronic products when she experiences those feelings of pleasure in real life.

This will undoubtedly take time. It would take more than one day to freeze a three-foot-thick ice sheet!

Parents must be patient throughout this process.

At a certain stage, you must set rules with your child about the time spent playing with electronic devices. If the rules are broken, the child must not be allowed to touch them for a certain period of time. You must strictly enforce the rules! (This must be done on the premise of having a good parent-child relationship!)

3. I made chicken soup and told her to drink it, but she refused. I asked her to give me her phone so I could get it for her, but she grabbed my hand and left a row of fingernail marks on it. She eventually drank it, but kept her lips touching the bowl so the soup dripped onto the floor. I was so angry. I told her to drink it properly, but she just kept dripping it on the floor, so I got angry and poured the soup on her clothes instead. She still didn't say a word, so she went to change her clothes. After she'd changed, she just sat there crying. I didn't say anything. I rarely get angry. I was angry with myself for being so helpless, because she wouldn't drink the chicken soup. She's always been a picky eater. Now she's crying somewhere, and I don't want to comfort her. I don't know how.

This clearly shows that the mother has emotions. Let's put ourselves in her shoes. If your partner treated you like this when you were in a bad mood, what would you think?

We need to find out if the child is really at fault for not drinking the chicken soup, which made the mother so angry.

She feels the child has not obeyed her and challenged her authority.

You wanted to give your child chicken soup for the soul out of the goodness of your heart, to give her some nutrition. Instead, you hurt her. A bowl of chicken soup can't possibly make up for the emotional damage you've done. She'll never want to drink chicken soup again!

Mom, you need to manage your emotions first. Are you too tired? Are there other trivial matters affecting your mood?

Before losing your temper next time, go somewhere to calm down. You need to be in a stable mood to raise a child with stable emotions.

Finally, comfort your child. She has been hurt.

Sit down and communicate with your child. If she's not ready to talk, you can also communicate through writing.

You will realize that your daughter is very lovable when you change your position and mindset.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful, and I am certain that your relationship with your daughter will grow closer and closer! You are happy?

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who likes to use images.

It seems like something happened yesterday. Is everything okay now? You might still worry even if you feel better. Your daughter will still use electronics, she won't suddenly start talking and laughing again.

At 14, typical of adolescence, children want to break free from their parents but also need their love.

The image of the daughter biting her bowl to drink the soup moved me. As parents, when we see the soup, are we willing to feel her clenched teeth? Even if the soup spills on her, she chooses to change her clothes without making a sound. What are the tears at the end saying?

Is your daughter trying to hide her impulses? She keeps quiet to avoid conflict. She's also fighting the physical effects of adolescence.

She's still controlling herself, and you need to appreciate this. If you stop her now, it will only be counterproductive.

You say your daughter watches TV and plays with her phone every day after school. Have you tried being curious and discussing the topics on TV and in her phone with her? Curiosity shows you want to know more about her.

When parents learn what their children are paying attention to and some of their language, the children will regard their parents as their own people and the relationship will improve.

Adolescence is a time of transition from child to adult. Your daughter is starting to make her own decisions. Rebellion is a normal part of this process.

How do you communicate with a child who wants to be in charge? Communication is always better than coercion!

Respect is the key to equality.

You can't reason with your child at home. They've already heard and understood a lot. When you reason with someone, it sounds like you're criticizing them. When we were young, we resented our parents.

The biggest danger in education is competing with your adolescent child. You say you rarely lose your temper, but I think it's because you've suppressed it.

To get your child to open up, you have to be honest and calm. When you express your emotions, you'll get closer to your child.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!