My dad's personality is like he can't get over something just looking at me, as if there's a conflict of interest.

Good evening! I'm sorry you're upset. I'll try to help.

First, about the conflict between you and your father.

Your father and you had a conflict when you were young. This hurt you when you grew up. Here is a brief analysis:

(1) Find where the conflict started.

You don't remember your father being good to you. You feel like you only spent time with him after he was released from prison. It's clear that your father feels bad about the five years he spent in prison. He didn't deal with his emotions well. He helped someone hide stolen goods and came forward. This shows both heroism and cowardice.

He lost five years in prison, time he could have spent with his loved ones and children. You think his actions were impulsive and reckless, but he can't resolve this, so he vents his emotions on you.

You have no right to resist or accuse her. She was like a mad beast, venting five years of grievances.

He ignored his role as a father and family member. He should have made up for lost time with his family.

We're sorry, but we have to understand his experience and be tolerant of some of the things he did.

Maybe he was afraid of losing everyone, but he didn't know how to say it. He lost your trust and was afraid of losing his dignity, so he did something wrong.

(2) About your father's other marriages.

Your father has been married many times. He returned to you despite the passion, good times, and wealth. Maybe it's fate, or maybe you arranged it to resolve conflicts from years ago.

Your mother cared more about your father's company than his money. She wanted to grow old with him. This shows that she is devoted to him.

You said he had a happy life, didn't care about you, and still doesn't get along with you.

We have to go back to the start of the problem. Maybe the father is still struggling with it. He might be worried that you don't respect him anymore. You think your father is bad because he has been to prison.

(3) How you will feel about your father in the future.

Your mother is willing to accept your father because she can't live without him. She's devoted to him, and he needs a companion to grow old with.

I hope you can find the source of the problem and face it with your father. Talk to him about your feelings and what you want.

The father who returned to your mother's side was humble. He wasn't a successful businessman. This was his second return. Each time it brought her humiliation.

He was lonely and wanted his family to understand him. Maybe he was just like you, longing for love.

Our father gave us life, and he made mistakes. We have not been very dedicated.

He created us, so we need to be tolerant and think like adults. Accept your achievements even when life is painful. Our father treated us badly, but it made us stronger. We don't depend on his love to survive.

Your father is old and doesn't have the time or energy to argue with you. Let's use this chance to resolve your conflict so he can enjoy his old age.

Second, about your question.

Your problem is simple. It's common when we fight with our family. It just makes us feel uncomfortable. Sometimes parents are also parents for the first time. They are still children themselves. They are aggrieved and don't know how to express it. They also want to find ways to bully honest people.

Back then, people understood reason, didn't care about other people's opinions, did what they believed to be right, and lived happier lives. There weren't as many psychologists, nor were there platforms to vent one's inner grievances. People weren't as knowledgeable and couldn't get answers from books.

People in any era have to bear their own grievances and don't know how to pretend.

Maybe he was feeling aggrieved when he was talking to you. Your careless retort might have made her feel insecure, made him feel incompetent, and made him lose his authority, so he became stricter with you.

Maybe he's worried you'll follow in his footsteps or go the wrong way, so he's strict.

Think the best of everything. You're family, and you can work through anything. Harmony is key to success. Try to understand them more. One day, we'll be parents too, and we might not do as well as they do.

Use your father's return to get along with him. You might not have anything to talk about at first, but that's okay. There are ways to please him, not only through words, but also through actions and things. For example, buy her a dress, buy him cigarettes, cook her rice, ask a simple question...

I wish all parents could get along and live in peace with their children. I also wish you could find a way to fix things with your father and have a good relationship with him.

Hello! I feel like I'm face to face with you. I want to give you a hug!

I feel for you and your mother. You have to live independently and have suffered violence. You still care about your father and want to get along with him. I want to give you inspiration.

1. Heal your childhood and teenage wounds by living in the present. Choose a better life.

Your father has left you with many traumatic experiences. These include being scolded, going to prison, violence towards your mother, divorce, remarriage, and even the third marriage.

Your father has been absent, unqualified, and even destructive since you were a child. This has affected your views on marriage and made you feel neglected. You have indeed had a hard time over the years, and I believe your mother has had a hard time as well. You haven't mentioned much about your mother, but I can tell she gave you a lot of love and accompanied you as you grew up.

If the father is absent or violent, children can be deeply traumatized. This can affect their relationships and intimacy, leading to a fear of marriage. As an adult, you can heal these past wounds.

You can repair these traumas by working hard and being motivated. Accept the past, let it go, and focus on your current life. Plan your own life and you will have many choices.

2. Be yourself. If you feel uncomfortable, you can also choose to stay away.

Your current anxiety probably comes from your father's struggles and his renewed relationship with you and your mother. How will you handle this? I can be around him, but I still have to face a lot. You can't reconcile with your past.

But your father has found you again, and your mother has chosen to accept him. I think your mother also has her own reasons. I believe that your father may also have experienced difficulties, and your mother may also have experienced her own conflicts.

However, each family member has their own role. How to get along with your father is more of a problem for your mother. If you take over your mother's role, you may end up carrying more than you can handle. You are now an adult and can live your own life.

Pay attention to your emotions and needs. Stop getting involved in past disputes.

My advice is to listen to your inner voice: What kind of life do you want? Do you have a plan for the next five years?

Do you have any hobbies? Take on more tasks in your life.

If you're unhappy or oppressed by your relationship with your father, you can choose to distance yourself from it.

I hope you find your own path!

Hello, Thank you for your question!

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

I've read your question carefully and I can see you've had a tough time over the years. I'm sending you a big hug!

I'd love to have a chat with you.

I hope this provides some comfort and inspiration.

1. Try to let go of your expectations of your father and focus on taking care of yourself.

We all have our roots in our original families.

We all have our original families to thank for influencing us in one way or another.

As daughters, we crave our fathers' love and recognition.

But your father has never really cared about you. He's always been hard to get along with and quick to scold you.

Do you think he feels a lot of disappointment and confusion?

It can be especially tough when we see how other people's fathers love their children and then look at our own fathers. It can really affect our hearts and even our own relationships.

Give yourself a hug!

We can't choose who our father is, but we can choose how to deal with the situation.

You might be wondering, "How can I get along with such a father?" When we were young, we couldn't protect ourselves, so we had to put up with him "scolding me and looking down on me all the time." Now that we're grown up, we can look at this matter again.

The first thing you need to do is let go of your expectations of him.

It's important to remember that just because he's your father doesn't mean he's a qualified one. He might not know how to love you the way you need.

He has his limitations.

If we don't have expectations of him, we'll be less likely to be hurt.

It's crucial to take care of our feelings, respect ourselves, and love ourselves.

Now that we've grown up, we can treat ourselves like our parents and nurture the wounded self.

2. While you're trying to understand him, it's important to maintain boundaries that make you feel comfortable.

The father may vent his frustrations on you, the weaker person.

It's a bit like the psychological "kick the cat effect."

The "kick the cat effect" is when you vent your anger on something that's weaker or lower status than you.

We're not as strong as he is, so we end up on the receiving end of his anger.

This is a sign that he doesn't recognize his own mistakes.

His helping to hide filth, going to prison, and being bad to you and your mother are all on him.

When he says you're bad, it's really just a projection of his own issues.

Ultimately, it all comes down to his own dissatisfaction with himself.

Similarly, we tend to assume that others are kind and caring individuals, just as we ourselves are.

It's also his problem if he says you're bad and looks down on you.

We love ourselves and don't let his accusations make us doubt our own value.

As long as we don't see eye to eye, we won't be easily hurt.

On the other hand, if he's not your cup of tea, that's his problem too. You've got the power to decide how you react.

For instance,

Keep your distance from him, ignore his negative words, or find ways to protect yourself when he tries to take advantage of you financially.

If you can, try to reduce contact with him when you can't find a good way to get along with him for the time being.

We have the right to decide how we handle our father and the damage he has caused.

We can choose to forgive or not forgive for the time being.

Ultimately, it just depends on which choice makes us feel better.

This isn't being unfilial. The idea of "filial piety" is based on the idea of a father being kind.

The key is to live our own lives and not let him affect us too much.

Even if you didn't get a lot of love from your father, you are still worthy of love and a happy life.

And trust that the right person will come along who will love you and believe in intimacy.

These are more important to us.

Please feel free to share these ideas.

If you're interested, I'd recommend reading the book Parenting the Inner Child.

Wishing you the best!

It is inevitable that we will encounter parents who display immature behavior. Such parents do not demonstrate magnanimity. It is evident that the other person may already be in a highly distressing state, and it is possible to perceive their unstable mood.

It is evident from the information provided that the other party has never looked up to you or counted on you. It also appears that your father has had some very controversial experiences, including spending five years in prison for assault and battery and committing domestic violence against your mother.

Your father's character is similar to mine, making it challenging to maintain a positive relationship.

It is akin to a situation where there is a conflict of interests, resulting in a multitude of reprimands and anger.

It is challenging for him, and it is also difficult for you. You are unsure of the actions you have taken that have caused him offence.

It is imperative that we avoid any further offenses.

It is not advisable.

It is imperative to avoid domestic violence men. The evidence is clear. Furthermore, it is evident that observing the entire domestic violence process has resulted in a psychological burden that is causing significant distress.

It is advisable to avoid any further contact with the aforementioned individual and to take time to reflect on your own shortcomings.

It is also necessary to address the psychological issues that have arisen in the past.

It is our right to spend time with people who genuinely care about us.

It is evident that your father has a lack of respect for you. His constant scolding, sarcasm, and arguments are unacceptable. A father should not act in such a manner. His marriage situation is also questionable. His multiple divorces and remarriages suggest that he views marriage as a game.

Such an individual can also be a source of considerable irritation. There is a distinct lack of interaction between you, which also makes you feel your own inner pain. The level of affection between the other person and you is also very weak, and it feels like there is a lack of positive interaction in general.

Even during periods of significant personal adversity, his demeanor and conduct appear largely unchanged. He continues to exhibit a proclivity for negative emotions and behaviors, directed at you in a multitude of sarcastic remarks. If this assessment is accurate, it is advisable to directly reject the other person's targeting.

It is important to clarify that your character and judgement are not as she has portrayed them to be. Furthermore, it is evident that he is facing challenges in his own life, and therefore has no right to criticise others.

He is opposed to you in every way, so you must not concede. As an adult, you are expected to maintain your position. If necessary, you should avoid such negative individuals to ensure a productive work environment. As a dedicated heart exploration coach, I recommend that you read more books on family relationships. I wish you well.

Please advise.