My family was terrible. Sometimes I've thought about suicide, but it would be a waste. What should I do?

The environment of the original family is of great consequence to the trajectory of an individual's growth. It can be likened to a palette that exerts a profound influence on an individual's character, values, and manner of dealing with the world. The experiences of an individual may be perceived as imbued with a distinctive hue, one that is characterised by repression, pain, and struggle.

However, life is replete with unexpected turns and possibilities. Even if one is born into an unfavorable environment, one still possesses the capacity to alter one's destiny and to view the world from a novel perspective.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that the environment of the original family is not something that can be chosen; however, the manner in which it is dealt with and changed is something that can be controlled. The father was addicted to alcohol and gambling, and the mother was emotionally unstable for various reasons, which undoubtedly caused psychological pressure and distress for the child.

However, these experiences need not define one's life trajectory. They can be viewed as part of the process of maturation and the development of resilience.

The past cannot be altered, but one's approach to it can be modified. Rather than fixating on past traumas, it is more beneficial to perceive them as instructive experiences from which one can derive fortitude and become more resilient.

One may endeavor to comprehend and accommodate one's parents' conduct, even if it deviates from one's expectations or values. This does not necessitate forgiveness for their misdeeds; rather, it entails learning to relinquish resentment and discontent, and to move on from the past.

Additionally, it is crucial to direct attention to one's inner world and cultivate the ability to discern one's own emotions and needs. Each individual possesses the inherent right to pursue their own happiness and satisfaction.

One must not allow the actions and attitudes of others to define one's identity. Each individual possesses intrinsic value, independent of external influences. To enhance one's sense of well-being, it is beneficial to cultivate personal interests and hobbies, form connections with individuals who share similar interests, and engage in social activities.

It is similarly crucial to cultivate healthy habits, as one's physical and mental well-being directly influences one's attitude and outlook on life.

A regular routine, a balanced diet, regular exercise, and a positive attitude are all significant factors in maintaining physical and mental health. When an individual experiences stress or emotional instability, relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, and deep breathing can effectively reduce stress and promote well-being.

In regard to one's career, it is essential to have a clear understanding of one's professional objectives and trajectory. It is crucial not to be constrained by past experiences and to have confidence in one's capacity to pursue a more promising future.

One may enhance one's competitiveness by improving one's professional skills, broadening one's knowledge, and building good interpersonal relationships. Concurrently, it is advisable to learn to manage one's emotions and stress, and to maintain a positive mindset and optimistic attitude.

In conclusion, it is important to note that change is a gradual process that requires time and patience. It is unwise to expect instant results and it is equally important not to give up just because of temporary difficulties.

Provided that one persists in exerting oneself and maintains self-belief, it is possible to extricate oneself from the shadow of one's family of origin and embrace a promising future of one's own making.

Additionally, it is recommended to consider seeking professional psychological counseling. A qualified psychological counselor can assist in developing a more profound comprehension of one's inner world, as well as in identifying efficacious strategies for addressing difficulties and challenges.

Furthermore, they can provide emotional support and companionship, thereby ensuring that individuals are not alone when facing difficulties.

Furthermore, one may engage in social welfare activities, thereby enhancing one's sense of worth and achievement through the act of helping others. When one witnesses the positive impact of their actions on others, it can lead to feelings of increased confidence and fulfillment.

It is inevitable that individuals will encounter a multitude of challenges and difficulties throughout their lifetime. However, it is these experiences that serve to shape our character and qualities, ultimately leading to personal growth and maturity.

It is therefore imperative not to be intimidated by adversity and to confront challenges with fortitude. Instead, one should adopt a courageous stance, adopt a fresh perspective on the world, and cultivate the conviction that one is capable of forging a radiant future.

In conclusion, although one's familial environment may be perceived as suboptimal, it does not necessitate that one's entire life will be similarly constrained. By modifying one's attitude and behavior, attending to one's inner world, cultivating healthy living habits, clarifying one's career objectives, and seeking professional assistance, one can gradually emerge from the shadows and embrace one's own bright future.

It is important to remember that you are the primary agent in determining the course of your life. It is unproductive to allow past experiences to limit your future possibilities. It is imperative to pursue your aspirations and cultivate a state of well-being.

Hello. I can see that you're struggling with some confusing emotions. It seems that your family of origin was not a positive experience for you, and at times, you've contemplated suicide.

From what you've shared, it seems that you've experienced a lot in your early years. I can relate to the challenges you've faced. Your description of your family also paints a picture of a difficult situation. However, I admire your resilience and strength in facing these challenges.

As I mentioned, I have contemplated suicide, but I feel sorry for myself. This sense of regret seems to indicate that your subconscious is deeply attached to this world. It is challenging, and although your childhood experiences were difficult, they are now in the past, aren't they? You may feel that the pain of the past is still there, as are your parents' gambling and other issues. However, you have the energy to live your own life.

Regarding your parents, you have done your part as a child. It's not always easy to change others, so it's important to accept things as they are and work on your own behavior. For instance, you could help your parents avoid spending money on unnecessary items by not giving them a lump sum, and you could pay for medical expenses.

We all experience moments of depression or even collapse from time to time. During these moments, we might ask ourselves, "Is living here to suffer endlessly?" The answer is no. Suffering is unavoidable, both materially and spiritually. So, it's important to give yourself a reason to live and to live well.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and that I love you.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, and I'm here to coach you through this journey with Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful thing, and it's not just about appreciating it, but really embracing it and letting it blossom within you.

You really have had a tough time growing up in such an unbearable family. But you've finally been able to start living your own life! You have a job with a pretty good income and you're on your own, but you still keep in touch with your folks.

You can still show your love and respect for your parents while also living your own life.

Some suffering can really make our lives better!

It's so sad when parents do things that harm their children. It doesn't matter if it's your father gambling, keeping a mistress, or being a domestic abuser, or if it's your mother's experience of prostitution. All of this can cause a certain amount of harm to your inner self. After all, your parents are your original family, and you cannot sever your connection with them.

You learn and grow through your trials and tribulations, and eventually, you become an adult with the amazing ability to live independently and break away from the influence of your parents.

When you look back, it still hurts, but that's okay! These are the facts of life that will linger on, but you've got this!

You know, you can't gain experience without experiencing pain. And it's because you've experienced pain that you understand the hardships of life and will cherish the relative happiness of your current life.

What your parents leave you isn't material wealth, but it's something even better! Their life experiences will also be used as references for future changes in your intimate relationships and parent-child relationships.

You saw your father treat your mother badly and learned that women are meant to be protected and loved. You saw your parents gamble and learned that blessings need to be created by oneself.

We can learn so much from others' mistakes and successes! Our parents are like mirrors, reflecting our future and lives, and serving as a gentle warning.

2. It's okay to see the limitations of your parents and accept that they're not perfect.

Your father had his flaws, sure, but he loved you, even if he didn't show it much. He always sent you money, gave you life, and raised you.

My mother had some mental health challenges, and she was so supportive of you that she even turned to prostitution to help you out. Motherly love is truly amazing, and it really comes from the heart.

Your parents aren't perfect, but they love you in their own way. They might not be the best at things, but you can't deny how much they care about you.

As an adult, you've learned so much and experienced so much! You can really understand the challenges your parents faced. And because of that, you're able to support and satisfy them materially.

Reconciling with your parents can really make your life easier and lead to happiness! It's a great idea to try to get to know your parents again from the perspective of a stranger.

For example, you could learn more about your parents from your grandparents and elders. They can tell you how difficult their lives were. Then, you can let go of any judgments you have about your parents. This will help you to truly live your own life again.

I really think you'd benefit from reading "Transcend Your Original Family" and "Living Consciously." They're great books that'll help you become the master of your own life!

I really hope this helps you out. I love you and I love the world too!

I'd love to keep chatting! You can find me on my personal homepage, Heart Exploration Service.

Hello, I am Gu Daoxi Fengshou, a Heart Exploration coach.

After reading the questioner's description, I can't help but feel a certain sadness for him. Life can be painful, and the questioner still tries his best, which is something many of us can admire.

Adler posited that it is not "experience itself" that determines us, but "the meaning we give to experience." This does not imply that events such as encountering a major disaster or being abused as a child have no bearing on personality formation.

On the other hand, the impact could be significant. It's important to recognize that the experience itself doesn't necessarily determine anything.

The meaning we give to past experiences has a significant impact on our lives. We have the ability to choose how we want to live our lives, and this choice is something we can make for ourselves.

When you were a child, you may have felt powerless in the face of your parents' actions. However, as you have grown up, you have gained the ability to set boundaries and protect yourself from harm. It might be helpful to remind yourself that you are now capable of taking care of your own well-being.

There is no exam for being a parent, and it is true that not all parents can be good parents. This is not the fault of the questioner. From another perspective, it is true that parents have shown little care for the questioner, but they have still contributed to the questioner's learning, which has had a profound impact. Could this way of thinking make the questioner more tolerant of them?

The way the questioner treats his parents shows that he is kindhearted and attentive. However, while foolish filial piety and unwavering support are admirable qualities, they may not be the most effective in improving the quality of life of parents with gambling habits. This is not the questioner's fault. In some cases, a balance between filial piety and obedience may be a more beneficial approach. The questioner may wish to consider changing the cash support to material support, which could potentially help alleviate their parents' gambling habits.

It might be helpful to try to separate the issues. Both parents are adults and are capable of taking responsibility for their own actions. It is not the fault of the question asker if they cannot persuade them. Perhaps it would be beneficial for the question asker to remind themselves that it is not their problem and that they do not need to take responsibility.

There is a saying that while being traumatized is not your fault, recovering is your responsibility. Although the questioner has no control over his birth, we all have the power to choose our future. Following your heart and choosing a lifestyle you enjoy may help the questioner feel a little more relaxed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remind yourself that every step in life is valuable, that we can learn from our mistakes and avoid unhappy patterns of interaction, and that this may bring us closer to happiness.

It may be helpful to try mindfulness and writing a gratitude journal every day. This could potentially help reduce the growth of negative emotions, help us see more positive aspects, and enhance our sense of well-being.

You might find it helpful to read "A Change of Heart," "Living a Life You Don't Own," and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

I wish you the best!

Good morning, I can see that you are experiencing some confusion at the moment. Please accept my condolences. I am here to support you. Best regards,

You have experienced a challenging upbringing and are contemplating giving up on life. However, you also recognize the need to take care of yourself.

It is accurate to conclude that each individual is influenced by their family of origin.

However, it is possible to effect change.

For instance, if you are aware that your father's alcohol consumption and gambling are detrimental, you will be less inclined to engage in these activities yourself or to pass them on to future generations.

The mother's approach to discipline may have been shaped by her own upbringing.

During her upbringing, her parents would physically discipline and reprimand her for disobedience, adhering to the belief that "spare the rod and spoil the child."

Therefore, if she is continually exposed to this kind of influence, she will never learn that scolding is an ineffective method for teaching children.

There is a well-known saying in psychology: if we lack something ourselves, we cannot expect others to have it.

If you are aware that your mother's disciplinary actions have had a detrimental effect on you, you will be less likely to replicate this approach with your own children.

However, should you take your own life at this time, you will be unable to make the necessary changes to improve your situation.

Should you require further assistance, we recommend consulting with a qualified professional counselor.

A counselor is a trained professional who can provide more tailored guidance.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this time, I am unable to offer further suggestions.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to providing the best possible guidance and support.

Best regards, Yixinli Team

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