My son is 8 years old, he steals money and takes things from classmates. What should I do?

This kind of behavior from children is a real cause for concern and distress for parents.

I'm so excited to share these three points with you!

First, avoid labeling your child with negative labels like "stealing."

If the child and those around him or her have this kind of label, it can lead to a great sense of inferiority.

The good news is that children can learn to develop a sense of boundaries.

Parents also need to observe and reflect. It's so important to notice these things! When family members get along, is there also such a situation?

For example, touching other people's things without asking. In other words:

There's so much potential for growth here! The child just needs to learn to distinguish between their own things and other people's things.

This is an important boundary to learn! It's about using other people's things.

It's so important to ask for permission when using other people's things at school.

The child originally did not have the concept of stealing in mind. It is just about using other people's things, which is a great start!

Taking things that don't belong to you is a great opportunity to learn! You get to ask someone for permission before you use or take something.

This is a great opportunity to focus on this aspect with your child. Rather than emphasizing stealing and corporal punishment, you can really make a difference by emphasizing this positive approach.

Third: It's time to cultivate your child's sense of delayed gratification!

So, when your child has any needs, try not to satisfy them immediately. It's so important to give them the space to think through their needs and consider how they can get what they want in a way that's fair to others. At school, when your child sees something new, they'll have the chance to explore and discover. They'll learn that there are different ways to get what they want, and that they need to think about how their actions affect others. It's a great opportunity for them to learn about delayed gratification and the importance of asking for permission.

All of the above requires parents to have more patience and understanding, empathize with their children, and constantly reinforce the above three behaviors. I really hope this helps!

Greetings.

I appreciate your invitation. I recognize the discomfort you may be experiencing and encourage you to take a moment to compose yourself. It is not uncommon for children to face challenges during their developmental years. If they are unable to fully comprehend certain complex situations, it may manifest in disruptive behaviors. However, with guidance and additional support, these behaviors can be addressed and corrected.

The ability to comprehend the "deviant behavior" exhibited by children during their formative years is a challenging task.

The concept of "stealing" evokes a sense of moral shame in adults, yet children who are still in the developmental stages of their minds and bodies lack a clear sense of right and wrong. During this period of growth, children may exhibit a lack of self-discipline and self-control, particularly when faced with temptation and inner desires. This can result in a loss of boundaries and a vague sense of ownership over objects.

In addressing the behavior of young children, it is essential for parents to maintain composure and dedicate sufficient time to comprehend the underlying motives. Subsequently, they should offer the child additional attention, gradually clarify the reasons for their actions, and thus rectify any irrational conduct.

It is important to ensure that one's own inner anxiety does not become a factor in the way one responds to a child's "problematic" behavior.

As with adults, children may experience anxiety and confusion when faced with new situations. When challenges arise, their self-confidence may also be affected. In response, children may resort to reckless and sometimes immoral methods to regain their inner self-confidence. These methods may include damaging property without reason or exaggerating and boasting. This phenomenon is not isolated but rather prevalent. Parents should avoid triggering their own anxiety when they find problems, as this may exacerbate the child's distress. It may also result in the child's behavior becoming more covert and less amenable to correction. Patience and wisdom are essential for guiding children through these challenges.

Upon returning home from school, Bi Ru, a colleague's child (approximately 10 years of age), naturally placed his school bag on the floor to commence his homework. However, the colleague initially observed the brand new and ostensibly expensive-looking pen. She inquired of her husband whether he had recently procured the item for the child, to which he replied in the affirmative. After acquiring this information, the colleague proceeded to question the child directly.

"This pen is of a particularly fine quality. Might I inquire as to whether your classmate was kind enough to lend it to you?"

"Indeed," the child replied, exhibiting visible signs of distress but maintaining a resolute response.

On the following day, a colleague purchased a fountain pen that appeared to be of an equally high quality. Upon her son's return from school, she presented it to him, stating, "This is the new fountain pen I purchased for you. Tomorrow, you may lend it to your classmates as well. We also possess a fountain pen." She smiled knowingly at her son's surprised expression and did not offer any further commentary.

It is evident that the child is uncertain as to whether his mother has discerned that he has "stolen a pen." However, an analysis of the circumstances surrounding the incident indicates that the mother has confidence in her child's character and possesses an objective comprehension of his aberrant conduct. Consequently, she addressed the issue with remarkable tolerance and discernment, prompting the child to reflect on the appropriateness of his actions.

What is the optimal approach to guidance?

[Identify the source of the problem and communicate calmly]

As adults, parents typically concur with the efficacious method of "correcting mistakes." However, children's cognitive abilities are not yet developed, and they may further lose their parents' high expectations. It is essential to recognize that the concept of "stealing" is not yet fully established in children's understanding. Parents must facilitate their children's comprehension by acting as a conduit for knowledge. Once the rationale behind the child's behavior is identified, parents must learn to communicate with their children in a calm and composed manner, emphasizing that "want" and "steal" are distinct concepts. It is possible to envy something and subsequently purchase it for oneself, but taking something that belongs to another individual without their knowledge is, in fact, a behavior that erodes one's own "integrity."

One might posit that every instance of theft represents a lack of value placed on one's integrity. Reputation is as crucial as health. In the event of illness, medical attention is imperative. Similarly, if one's reputation is compromised, it results in a state of emotional distress. Without the intrinsic value placed on one's reputation, it is challenging to envision a path towards recovery.

[It is important to guide children to control their desires and emotions]

In general, when a child engages in "stealing," it is not a complex phenomenon. It is typically a stage in which children are developing an awareness of money. Children will internally compare their financial situations and, if they cannot obtain something, they may resort to "stealing" as a means of resolving their distress. Another manifestation is that children are unable to garner the attention of their parents, and this can also occur.

Upon initial observation of their child's "stealing" behavior, parents may find themselves in a unique position to foster communication and understanding. This presents an invaluable opportunity to gain insight into their child's true thoughts and needs, and to provide guidance that is both positive and constructive. One such approach could be to explain to the child that "people are a combination of desires and emotions, so they need to learn to control desires and emotions, rather than indulge in them. If they lose control of their desires and emotions, they will become their slaves...". With patient guidance, children can begin to recognize the care and different perceptions from their parents, and to develop a sense of awe for life. This, in turn, can encourage them to regulate their own behavior.

It is crucial for parents to exemplify forgiveness in their actions and words.

Children interact most frequently with their parents, and thus their words and actions can be said to be "learning by example." If parents want to establish their "authority" in front of their children, they must be self-disciplined. It is not the case that if a parent steals something, the child will also steal. Rather, when many concepts of right and wrong have not yet been established, the child's behavior is just imitating some behaviors. For example, if parents are relatively lazy, the child's personality will easily become lazy. Then when they receive other more stringent rules and disciplines, they often cannot receive them, and "trial and error" behavior will occur again and again.

As these behaviors are often the result of unconscious actions, it is crucial for parents to demonstrate tolerance and understanding. It is imperative to avoid allowing a momentary mistake to escalate into a crisis of trust. Following the provision of appropriate guidance, it is essential to pay closer attention and monitor the child's behavior to ascertain whether corrections have been made. This approach allows for the restoration of trust and the re-establishment of a positive and nurturing family environment.

I wish you the best of success!

I want to ask you this: have you ever asked your child in everyday life what he likes and wants and given him the opportunity to choose for himself?

Corporal punishment and reasoning are useless. I am also on the path of re-parenting myself.

As a child, you need to be told, "Tell mommy and daddy why you want that." Listen to what he says. Don't scold him. Hug him. Then take him to the right place to let him choose freely. Give him the chance to have the things he likes.

Love your child. Love yourself too.

When a child can be themselves and understand that they can have what they really want without taking it from someone else, change will naturally happen quietly.

It's important to communicate with your child, respect them, and give them the opportunity to choose. I always crouched down to talk to my niece. When we went to the supermarket to buy things, she and her mother would buy a bunch of things, cry and scream, and then want more. My niece and I would go to the supermarket, jump around, pick up a few things, and come out.

Every time I ask her, "Bao, do you want this?" she says, "No, I've already bought what I like, let's go home."

I always ask her what we're going to buy. "What do you want?"

In the supermarket, I'll ask her which one she prefers. She picks the one she likes best.

Let's go over there and see if there's something better-looking and more suitable than this. She always behaves her best in front of me.

Good day.

From your description, it seems that the child's first experience with stealing occurred when he was five years old. It's possible that the teacher and parents did not intervene in a timely manner, which may have contributed to the behavior continuing until the age of eight. It's understandable that this behavior, which seemed to intensify over time, caused you to feel anxious and uneasy.

It would be beneficial for children to be able to get what they like, and if they are unable to do so, they should be informed of the reason why. It may be helpful to begin training children as young as eight to delay gratification.

If we accept that children can do and get whatever they want easily before the age of eight, then we must also accept that they must exercise delayed gratification after the age of eight.

Delayed gratification can be defined as a choice orientation that involves giving up immediate gratification for a more valuable long-term outcome. It also encompasses the self-control demonstrated during the waiting period. The development of this skill is a necessary condition for individuals to complete various tasks, coordinate interpersonal relationships, and successfully adapt to society.

It would be beneficial to formulate a plan that is both scientific and practical, especially tailored to the immediate situation of this eight-year-old boy. It would be helpful to ensure that the reward and punishment mechanism is scientific and humane, and that it does not deviate from the original intention of helping the boy to get out of bad behavior.

One possible approach to improving stealing behavior is systematic desensitization.

First, it would be helpful to put him at ease and draw up a hierarchy of things that might help to reduce the urge to steal. For example, which of the objects are attractive to the boy and cannot be controlled, and which are not so attractive and can be resisted. Finally, desensitizing each level could be a useful approach, which might involve delaying gratification while controlling the occurrence of undesirable behaviors.

It would be beneficial to teach children that the best way to obtain something that belongs to a friend is to ask for their consent, rather than taking it without permission. This is not only in line with the student code of conduct, but also with our moral values. If we do not teach our children to respect others' belongings, it could potentially lead to more serious issues in the future.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to teach your child the correct way to obtain things. It is relatively simple to borrow and return items, and there is also the option of bartering, which can be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Finally, you may wish to consider providing your child with a gentle reminder and some constructive feedback, as force may not be the most effective solution to the underlying issue.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that the addiction to stealing is the key to solving the problem.

The above is just a brief description of some methods. However, it should be noted that the actual implementation and execution are complex processes. Therefore, it is recommended that these steps be completed under the guidance of a professional cognitive behavioral therapy counselor.

Good day, host.

I can perceive that this inquiry is causing you some concern. Indeed, if not properly addressed, it could potentially develop into a problematic habit for the child's future development.

[The stage of ignorance when one is unaware of one's rights]

Could you please describe your behavior when you were in kindergarten and kept taking other people's things?

You mentioned that the teacher did not provide much guidance. It is true that children at this age may not fully comprehend the concept of property rights.

In such instances, the child in question must be asked to return the item in question and offer an apology to the other person. An appropriate apology would be, "I'm sorry, I took something of yours without your permission."

[It is not necessary to reprimand excessively, but accountability is required.]

"I am aware of your actions. When you see something that you desire, you take possession of it. This is unacceptable behavior. If someone were to take your belongings without your consent, would you be pleased?

"If someone were to take your mother's car without permission, how would you feel?"

"We must rectify the situation. I will accompany you to apologize to the other party and return the item in question."

It is important to note that apologizing can be a challenging and potentially embarrassing task for children. By encouraging them to do so and modeling it themselves, they will be more likely to consider it an option in the future.

Mothers must overcome their fear of embarrassment to enable children to courageously rectify their behavior.

[Overindulgence can encourage immediate gratification in children]

At times, it is necessary to educate children on the value of delayed gratification in moderation.

If you desire something that falls outside the parameters set by your parents, you must be prepared to work for it.

As an illustration, if you perform additional household tasks, such as removing the trash four times a week

[Security and responsibility]

It is not uncommon for children to seek attention through misbehavior. One way to address this is by spending more time with the child in question to provide a sense of security.

It is also important to cultivate their sense of responsibility, ensuring they are held accountable for their actions and possessions.

[Let go of anxiety]

Hi, I'm Li Xia, a listener at Yixinli. From what you've said, I get the feeling you must be feeling pretty helpless right now. It seems like you're confused about your child's situation and feel like you're at a loss.

You also brought up some concerns. I get the feeling you're worried that your child's behavior of "taking other people's things and not apologizing" might spiral out of control, which isn't good for your child. You might also feel ashamed and anxious and disappointed.

I appreciate your concern about your child, but I want to reassure you that the risk of theft is very low. In today's society, the financial cost and the potential reward are not worth it for most thieves. Even if someone wanted to steal from your child, it would be very difficult with the strong anti-theft technology available. It's very unlikely that your child will be caught by the police in the future.

It's like when a child wants to stop wearing diapers. Some kids can go to the bathroom very early, while others are very late and still wet their pants. When they go to primary school, they suddenly wet their pants again, which is very annoying. But honestly, no adult will wet their pants anymore. Who cares which adult was a hard case when they were a child?

Picture your child growing up to be 25, with a mature understanding of property boundaries and basic self-management. It's likely that he won't do it again, right?

However, right now, you really need to put in the work, be patient, and make some helpful adjustments to support the child's growth and improvement. I believe this aligns with your initial question. So, how can you make these adjustments?

Let's talk about the child's current situation.

How can we build a stronger spiritual connection with our child?

First of all, I noticed that the child never explained why he took other people's things. Maybe he's not very good at expressing himself, and the parents need to have good communication skills.

First, you need to build trust. This means making sure your child knows that no matter what he says, his parents will protect him and not scare him. Build trust slowly.

On the other hand, as parents, we need to try to keep our emotions out of it and ask some good questions. For example, we could ask in more detail, "What do you like most about this object? Is it the color?"

What does it look like? What does it sound like?

"What do you think your classmate will say if you ask him directly for it? "If your classmate doesn't give it to you, what do you think are the most likely ways you can get it? "If your classmate likes your toy and wants to take it home, do you want him to discuss it with you first and ask to take it with him, or do you want him to discuss it with you first and ask to exchange it with you, or do you want him to take it secretly?

Why? "If you tell your mom and dad that you want the same things as your classmates, what do you think they'll say?"

"What would you do if your parents had different opinions?"

These questions will help you understand your child's inner world. If your child is still not confident enough to tell the truth, we can observe how they usually treat their own and other people's belongings. For example, who has the right to use your child's belongings? Does your child have the right to distribute them?

Is anyone else moving the child's things? If so, how does the child react?

Do family members have their own things, and how does the child use them?

2. How can we help our kids understand the boundaries and right to control money and property?

Does the child have his own pocket money? Can adults give him the chance to manage a little money and property by himself to help him understand ownership, the right to use, and exchange? Adults can take the child to experience reasonable exchange and strengthen the experience of meeting needs through normal channels. At the same time, look for behaviors in the family that can help the child understand money better, and behaviors and words that might confuse him.

3. How do you interpret children's "grabbing" behavior?

Finally, let's look at the logic behind the child's behavior. When a child takes what he likes without asking, it's basically because he thinks the rules don't apply to him.

I'd like to invite everyone to discuss this: Would a strong person be more likely to break the rules to get something? Or would a weak person be more likely to break the rules to get something?

The answer is simple: the stronger a person is, the less they want and the more willing they are to play by the rules. The weaker a person is and the greater their desire, the more likely they are to break the rules and take what they want.

When someone has confidence in themselves and in external rules and feels strong, they'll stand up for their interests openly. But when someone feels weak and powerless, they'll feel the need to break the rules in secret. So what makes a child learn the logic of the weak? Is there a weaker role model in the family?

Has the child always been treated as weak, and have their words not been taken seriously enough? How can we reduce these influences?

Also, how can we help our child develop a strong logical mind and enhance their abilities, such as controlling their hands and feet, observing and expressing their needs, understanding and adapting to rules, and so on? Parents can create a plan based on their family's situation. If a child is strong, they can understand and meet their needs well and believe that they can satisfy themselves or find supporters through positive communication. I believe they will definitely overcome their current challenges, and these abilities are also crucial for them to enter society in the future.

Finally, the past few years may have been tough for you. I know that raising kids is a big responsibility for any family. So, I just wanted to say that it's an opportunity for you and your child to grow together!

If you have a moment, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Your friend Li Xia is a psychotherapist at Yixinli.

Hello, landlord. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

From the original poster's description, it is clear that the son took other people's things frequently when he was five years old. The teacher did not address this behavior. Now in second grade, he steals money and takes things from classmates. After discovering this, you first used corporal punishment and then tried reasoning with him. Neither approach worked. You want to ask him why, but he cannot tell you. He just feels that when other children have new things, he wants to take them and cannot control himself.

Every behavior has a reason, and that reason is often an inner need. We must identify the need the child is trying to satisfy. You said he wants to take things from other children. This shows he feels he needs to take things to get them. He may know this behavior is wrong, but he doesn't know what to do instead. We must provide positive guidance.

Use non-violent communication to communicate with your children. Avoid scolding and beating them because this will not solve the fundamental problem. Children will develop new defenses against your scolding and beating and will be unwilling to communicate with you sincerely. This will result in an undesirable cycle.

A child who steals must feel uncomfortable inside. They must know that this is wrong. We must understand them, accept them, and feel what they feel. This is empathy in psychology. When you empathize with your child, they know you care about them, understand them, and accept them. Then, they will tell you their true thoughts and feelings.

This is the key to non-violent communication. It is crucial to understand that the purpose of communication is not to prove who is right and who is wrong. Instead, it is to enable you to understand each other better, understand each other, and promote the development of the relationship.

We must communicate deeply in relationships, express each other's needs and feelings in a timely manner, and establish a deeper emotional connection and emotional communication. We must adopt the approach of non-violent communication. The steps are: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions.

Note: When stating facts, be objective and avoid being critical or accusatory. Express your needs and feelings as they truly are. The request for action must be specific and detailed, so that the other person knows exactly what is required of them.

Tell your child, "My child, today, I heard that you took someone's belongings without their permission. This makes me feel sad, guilty, troubled, and helpless. I especially hope that you can tell me why you took someone else's belongings.

For example, you can say to your child, "My child, today, I heard that you took someone's belongings without asking for permission. This makes me feel sad, guilty, troubled, and helpless. I especially hope that you can tell me why you took someone else's belongings, and I especially hope that you can refrain from taking other people's belongings. I also want to know what you think about this, and I want to know what I can do to help you change this bad habit."

If the child is willing to express his feelings and needs, you can understand him better. For example, he may feel that you won't buy him that thing, or he wants something and wants it right away, or he lacks self-control. You need to know his true feelings and thoughts so you can make adjustments to address the specific reasons.

During this adjustment period, it is essential to provide encouragement and constructive criticism in a clear and effective manner.

During this adjustment period, it is essential to use encouragement and the correct method for criticism.

People are animals who like to be loved and understood by others. Children with hearts as transparent as glass need our encouragement and appreciation, and they need it even more. You may be wondering how to encourage someone who has stolen. I can tell you how.

Observe whether your child wants something but holds back and doesn't take it. At this time, actively encourage him and praise him for controlling himself. Do this positively, telling him that you believe he can become even better in the future.

Additionally, you can implement reward strategies to reinforce positive behavior. If he sees something he wants but doesn't take it and comes back to tell you, you can decide whether to buy it for him. If so, you can create a change allowance reward plan together. For example, he can earn one dollar for writing a page, 50 dollars for getting 100 points on the final exam, or 10 cents for jumping rope once. Then, let him earn this pocket money through his own efforts. This money is entirely under his control, allowing him to buy what he wants. This teaches him to get what he wants through his own efforts and develops good habits, motivating him to enjoy learning and sports.

We must be careful with criticism.

Criticism should be simple and to the point, and delivered with a firm attitude. In other words, we should not say too much or be wordy. We simply tell him what he did wrong, with a gentle but firm attitude, and let him know that some things just don't work.

We must provide guidance and avoid belittling or abusing our children. It is our responsibility to protect their self-esteem, which is the foundation of their confidence. They often act out because they are unsure of themselves, so we must guide them with specific instructions, not scold them.

Set family rules and stick to them together. Love and rules are equally important in the growth process of children. Children need to feel loved and know that they need to follow rules. This is the prerequisite for them to be able to adapt to society in the future.

Make a "three-point agreement" with your children and set some rules. Explain what is allowed and what is not, and what the price is if the rules are broken. Set the rules together and involve your children. They will be more willing to follow them. If the rules are broken, the punishment must be enforced.

Please refer to the above. Best wishes!

Good evening. I hug you.

You tried different ways to stop the child from stealing, but they didn't work. The child was afraid and would steal again. They knew they shouldn't steal, but couldn't control themselves.

The family can afford it, but the child feels uncomfortable unless he steals.

Let me explain.

All symptoms are functional.

Think about how you treat your child when he doesn't steal.

How is your family doing when your child steals? How do you treat your child differently?

The child's need is probably behind this difference. It's hidden, like the child's expression of need through stealing.

Younger children may turn themselves into a problem in the family because they are too weak to intervene. They may attract attention and overshadow other conflicts.

In one case I saw, a child was always sick. The parents had to work together to treat her. When the child was sick, the parents stopped fighting and the father also cared for the child.

The child gets better under their parents' care.

But after a while, the parents started arguing again, and the child got sick again.

The parents divorced, and the child didn't get sick again.

The child wants to use illness to distract the parents from their marriage problems. When the parents divorced, she could no longer use illness to make them reconcile, so illness lost its original function.

He doesn't need it anymore.

If kids act weird, think about if they're trying to keep the family together.

These are just guesses. I hope they help you see your child's behavior differently.

Take your child to a counselor or do family therapy.

I'm a Buddhist and a pessimistic counselor. I love the world.

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. I hug you!

Your child is going through some issues. I'm here for you.

I don't know how your marriage is.

Why do I ask?

I've watched a popular TV series called The Female Psychologist.

In the first episode, there's a case.

Yuna was a 15-year-old girl whose parents hid their divorce from her when she was in high school.

She went to the store to steal things to get her parents' attention.

Your 8-year-old son might be stealing things and money from his classmates to get your attention.

The school psychologist met with Yuna's parents and learned that she was stealing from the convenience store because she wanted her parents to get back together.

You've been married to your husband since your son was 5. Now he's 8. How's your relationship with your husband?

Don't tell your son if you and your husband have problems.

Your son can sense when your marriage is tense.

Your son may be afraid you and your husband will separate, so he'll do extreme things to get your attention.

I hope you can resolve your problem soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the respondent, learning every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!