Should one endure an unhappy marriage for the sake of children?

Greetings,

I am grateful for the opportunity to be included in this discussion. The individual who posed the question is currently confronted with a significant crossroads in their life. While the presented analysis may appear to be a comprehensive assessment, the individual in question feels overwhelmed and uncertain.

The couple's relationship has deteriorated to the point of irremediable breakdown, with the marriage effectively terminated in name only. They engage in frequent conflict, and both parties are fatigued. The children are acutely aware of this state of affairs.

From these statements, it is evident that the questioner is profoundly disillusioned with the institution of marriage and is resolute in her decision to seek a divorce.

However, it appears that although it may seem relatively straightforward to extricate oneself from this situation, it is, in fact, replete with challenges. The man is not content and is even less inclined to resolve the matter through peaceful negotiation and make appropriate arrangements for the children. His condition for divorce is that the woman should have no assets, thereby ensuring his psychological equilibrium.

This situation may be accurate, and it may be the reason why there is a conflict between the desire to divorce and the desire to remain married. However, it is debatable whether the inability to overcome this situation is intrinsic or merely a matter of volition.

It is evident that when an individual is resolute in their intentions, it becomes challenging for others to impede their actions. Conversely, when someone is determined to avoid a particular course of action, they will often proffer a multitude of justifications.

For the sake of the children, or because the man is making things difficult, these may be valid reasons; however, they cannot preclude action to resolve the issue.

The current situation of the questioner can be described as passive. The man desires to exert control over the woman, yet the woman resists this. Despite her strong personality, the woman is naive and weak, having once placed her trust in the man.

From these words, it is evident that the woman desires to evade the man's control and has been attempting to do so. It is worth considering whether rebellion might be a viable option.

Our persistent evasive tactics have led to the man's persistent demands and, ultimately, his ultimatum.

As Lu Xun observed, "If you do not perish in silence, you will erupt in silence."

The essence of life is an experience, and everything we experience is an experience. The current situation may also be the most significant experience of our lives.

In regard to the questioner's dilemma, it is not my place to make a decision on their behalf. I am aware that this is a challenging situation, and I empathize with the questioner's need for guidance. However, the decision ultimately rests with the questioner, as it is their responsibility to make a decision that aligns with their values and best interests.

One may choose to either believe in their own ability to handle the situation or to seek assistance from an external professional. It is important to recognize that there are numerous resources available to support one's decision. It is also crucial to understand that the man's threats are, in fact, ineffective. Ultimately, it is essential to place one's trust in the legal system.

It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to the questioner.

I would like to express my gratitude for your attention. My name is Jiusi, and I am affiliated with Yixinli, World and I Love You.

Good day, landlord. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

In essence, the decision to divorce is primarily a matter of considering one's own perspective, rather than that of one's children.

The happiness of a child is contingent upon the happiness of their primary caregiver. If the caregiver is not happy, the child will not be happy, regardless of whether they are in a complete family or a single-parent family. Conversely, if the caregiver is happy, the child will be happy, regardless of whether they are in a complete family or a single-parent family.

In this particular case, however, the most crucial objective is not to decide whether to pursue a divorce, but rather to gain an understanding of the fundamental principles of managing and administering a marriage.

Let us begin by examining some psychological knowledge about marriage. It is essential to recognize that a husband-and-wife relationship requires management and administration, and that there are four stages of love.

It is a common misconception that a couple can remain together indefinitely if they are merely in love. However, love is not a perfect state; it has distinctive characteristics and patterns. When two individuals are compatible, they are in a relationship. A relationship differs from love in that it requires management and maintenance.

It can be reasonably deduced that the longevity of an intimate relationship is contingent upon the ability of the individuals involved to manage and administer their relationship.

What, then, are the characteristics and laws of the development of intimate relationships?

The evolution of an intimate relationship typically progresses through four distinct phases, each with its own distinctive characteristics and potential challenges.

The initial phase is characterised by intense passion and romantic attachment.

The passionate period represents the initial phase of intimacy and is also the period during which it is most probable that a hasty marriage will occur. During this period, individuals tend to perceive only the positive attributes of their partner, and they themselves are motivated to temporarily assume the role of the ideal lover in their partner's eyes. Despite this positive sentiment, the feelings of likeability are merely the result of the effect of dopamine and can only persist for a duration of three to six months, or at most one year. Consequently, the positive sentiments experienced during this stage are only transient and are insufficient to sustain a long-lasting and harmonious marriage. Following this, the intimate relationship will enter the period of adjustment.

2. The "running-in" period

The friction period, which represents the conflict stage of intimate relationship development, is a time when all emotional problems emerge. During this period, passion has gradually diminished, and the issues in each other's bodies have begun to surface. Our perception of love has confronted the stark reality, and the other person has shifted from how we desire them to how we dislike them, thereby challenging the intimacy of the relationship.

In other words, during this period, there is a greater degree of independent time for each partner, accompanied by a reduction in dependence. Instead, there is a greater need for independent time.

It is evident that your respective shortcomings have been revealed. At this juncture, if you perceive these conflicts to be irreconcilable and desire to facilitate change in the other person, and the other person similarly desires your transformation, it will be relatively simple to incite further conflicts and contradictions, which could ultimately result in a dissolution of the relationship.

Consequently, the period of friction represents the most challenging stage in the context of romantic relationships.

The introspection period is the third stage of the relationship.

Upon the conclusion of the trial period, a relationship is likely to enter the introspection period. This phase marks the advent of self-reflection, whereby individuals cease fixating on their partner's issues and instead direct their attention inward. During this stage, individuals endeavor to comprehend their intrinsic patterns, including their capacity for change and the role they play in their own relationships and conflicts. This period is pivotal for personal growth and the evolution of relationships.

The fourth stage is the Enlightenment Period.

This stage is also referred to as the "enlightenment stage," during which the two partners begin to connect on a spiritual level. During this stage, individuals learn to embrace their partner with love, and their partner learns to fully accept their own childhood experiences and embrace their inner child. As a result, the intimate relationship progresses to a higher and deeper stage, which is referred to as the state of "deep intimacy."

It is important to note that not all relationships reach this stage of development, and it is not a straightforward process. However, it is essential for both partners to work towards this goal together in order to facilitate growth and progress in the relationship.

An understanding of the stages of intimacy enables one to recognize that problems and conflicts are an inherent aspect of an intimate relationship. The objective is not to avoid conflicts but to foster a deeper comprehension of each other and to resolve issues through constructive engagement.

Given that we are now married and have a child together, it is imperative that we adopt a more tranquil mindset and devote our attention to devising solutions to the current challenges we are facing. This will enable us to successfully navigate the adjustment period.

What, then, are the steps that should be taken in order to successfully navigate the adjustment period and successfully complete these four stages?

1. Accept the other person unreservedly and endeavour to establish a harmonious coexistence despite their imperfections.

Each individual is a unique entity, shaped by a multitude of factors including upbringing, educational background, and living environment.

If one desires to alter the behavior of another individual, it is inevitable that one will experience distress. This is due to the inherent difficulty of modifying the actions of another person.

If the other person is unwilling to change, there is no recourse to alter their behavior or way of thinking. As the book A Change of Heart posits, there are only three categories of concern in the world: one's own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of heaven. The source of distress is the inability to control one's own affairs while simultaneously investing significant energy in the affairs of others and the affairs of heaven.

The behavior and thoughts of the other person are beyond our control. However, we can take action in areas within our control, such as expressing our needs, demonstrating love and respect, accepting the other person, and understanding their perspective.

In this manner, one can exert influence and effect change.

It is only when we learn to accept the other person completely, to accept that they are just the way they are, and learn to tolerate and get along with the other person's shortcomings, rather than fixating on them and constantly criticizing and complaining, that there will be less worry in our hearts and our relationships will be more harmonious.

2. It is essential to learn to communicate deeply and to establish a trust-based relationship.

The objective of communication is not to ascertain who is correct and who is incorrect; rather, it is to facilitate mutual understanding and the advancement of the relationship.

Effective communication entails the timely expression of each other's needs and feelings, thereby fostering a deeper emotional connection and exchange. One approach to achieve this is through the use of non-violent communication. This method entails the following steps: (1) stating the objective facts, (2) expressing one's feelings, (3) expressing one's needs, and (4) requesting the other person's action.

It is important to note that when presenting facts, it is essential to maintain objectivity and refrain from being critical or accusatory. Expressed needs and feelings must accurately reflect the individual's genuine desires and feelings, and requests for the other person's actions should be as specific as possible to ensure clarity and precision.

Furthermore, it is advised that couples communicate on a daily basis, learn to share, and avoid becoming distant from one another.

When individuals are able to promptly express their feelings and needs, share each other's lives, and allow the other person to understand their life status and dynamics, this can enhance each other's sense of security.

3. It is recommended that couples strengthen the sense of ritual.

It can be argued that rituals serve as a preservative for love. What methods can be employed to strengthen the sense of ritual?

It is recommended that rules be established.

It is recommended that the two parties collaborate to establish a set of guidelines for their relationship, with the objective of ensuring regular communication. One potential approach is to agree upon a routine of saying goodnight to each other on a daily basis, maintaining an open and honest communication style, and striving to resolve disagreements in a timely manner.

It is recommended that couples engage in romantic activities to foster intimacy and connection.

Expressing praise and affection for one's partner in an appropriate manner can foster feelings of care and support. Surprising one's partner with unexpected gestures, such as writing a love poem, recording a voice message, or singing a love song, can also be effective in demonstrating care and affection. If one is frequently away from home, purchasing carefully selected gifts upon returning can be a way of showing one's partner that one is thinking of them at all times. This can have the effect of fostering a sense of intimacy and connection that may be comparable to that of newlyweds after a short separation.

4. It is recommended that romantic expectations be created and that the power of commitment be harnessed.

It is widely acknowledged that the three fundamental elements of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

As intimacy develops, commitment becomes increasingly important. Commitment serves as a significant motivating factor in overcoming current difficulties. In the absence of expectations for the future, it becomes challenging for two individuals to maintain forward movement in their relationship. Therefore, it is crucial to establish shared expectations for the future, with as much specificity as possible. For instance, one might say, "This weekend, I will prepare a special meal for you, showcasing the loving care I have taken in cooking for you."

Furthermore, couples can engage in joint planning regarding various aspects of their lives, including where to take photographs, where to purchase a new residence, how to decorate the new home, where to embark on trips together, where to engage in outdoor activities such as hiking or beach visits on weekends, and where to visit friends on vacation.

When life is full of expectations, one anticipates the future with optimism, and the future proves to be a source of contentment when viewed retrospectively.

It is a commonly held belief that maintaining a long-lasting intimate relationship is easier said than done. However, it is crucial to have the conviction that as long as both partners are willing to walk hand in hand with each other and work hard to manage their relationship, they will support each other, trust each other, understand each other, help each other, and grow together.

It can be reasonably deduced that divorce is not a solution to the problem at hand. Rather, the solution lies in the effort to learn how to manage an intimate relationship effectively.

Do you wish to extend felicitations to the individual in question?

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach. Learning is a treasure.

From your description, I can tell you're in a lot of pain.

I won't talk about the pros and cons of divorce. I will give you three pieces of advice:

Think about why you can't get a divorce.

You've described many problems in your marriage and said it's unbearable. Why don't you separate?

You said two reasons, one is for the children. What is it for the children? Is it to give the children a complete family? Think about it.

You said the man is unhappy about the divorce and wants you to have nothing so he can feel balanced. But you can disagree with him. Why just let him have his way? Are you worried you won't get anything for yourself?

Ask yourself if there are other reasons. Are you worried about public opinion? Are you afraid of raising the children after the divorce? Are you worried about getting married again? You need to figure out why you can't divorce even though you know the marriage isn't working.

Knowing the reason helps you find a solution.

Second, think about the reasons you found.

A rational perspective helps you understand yourself and reality.

To look at it rationally, you need to:

A family without love is harmful to children.

You said your marriage is dead, you argue a lot, you're both tired, and your kids see it. Even if they're not adults, kids can't be happy in a bad home.

Is it really love to put your kids through this? I don't think so.

You can change the status quo.

When you take the initiative, you'll know what to do.

If you feel you can't divorce because it's the man's fault and he's unhappy, you can find a way to divorce as long as you want to.

If you're unsure about divorce, you can learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective. You have time to improve and perfect yourself. See the power of time.

Believe in yourself and your ability to live your life well.

If you're worried about what others think, remember that marriage is your choice and divorce just means you and your partner aren't right for each other. You are worthy of love just because you are you.

If you think about it rationally, some of your negative emotions might go away.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

Think about the reasons you have found and what you can do. Focus on yourself and do your best.

You can also talk to your parents and tell them the truth about your marriage. They will probably support you because your happiness is more important. This may make you feel better.

Tell your children the truth. Even if you and your spouse separate, you will still be their parents and love them. If your children are sensible, they will understand. This will help you provide them with a good living environment.

You can also ask a lawyer about what the court will do based on your marital status. This will help you understand how property and child custody will be handled.

You can also think about how to arrange your life after the divorce. This will help you feel better. You can do something to improve the situation.

When you take action, your negative emotions will go away. Action is the enemy of negative emotions. When you feel better, you will know how to make a choice.

You can choose to endure it, but your life with your child will still be painful. Be prepared because the man will not change.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk one-on-one.

Hello!

It's understandable to feel conflicted about the two children in this situation.

If a marriage has broken down and the couple can't live together, it's not good for the children to stay together. Children don't do well in families where the parents argue a lot.

If a mother stays in a marriage just for her kids, she might feel angry at them. When they're disobedient, they might say, "It's your fault I have to put up with your dad," which makes them take the blame. This hurts them and has a negative impact.

If you can, save your marriage. Try to change yourself. Motivate your partner through your own changes. Create a good family environment for the children.

Even if you get divorced, you should still communicate well.

You said the man is withdrawn, inferior, suspicious, and paranoid, while the woman is dominant, naive, weak, and soft-hearted. Everyone has their own unique personality. Most marriages are made up of people with different personalities. They all need to work through their differences, learn to understand and accept each other, and seek common ground while reserving differences.

Communication is important in a marriage. It means listening to your partner and expressing your thoughts. You should also be able to manage your emotions.

When a couple breaks down emotionally, they often only see things from their own perspective. They often argue as soon as they communicate.

When discussing divorce, both parties should remain calm and rational. They should focus on listening to each other and trying to ease the relationship, so that they can communicate about the divorce calmly and rationally.

Even if the parents get divorced, the children are still their children. If it's for the kids, the parents should agree to co-parent.

It's hard to do this, but it's also hard to put up with a marriage that exists only on paper for the kids.

No matter what you choose, becoming independent, strong, and improving your communication and emotional control are key. This is something you'll need to work on for the rest of your life, even if you get married again after a divorce.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for your question!

Hello!

Host:

Hi, I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I just wanted to say that I've read your post and I can really feel how much pain you're going through in your marriage.

I also want to say that I admire you for being so brave and sharing your feelings on the platform. This will really help you to understand yourself better, see what you need to work on in the relationship, and make choices that are right for you.

I'd also like to share some thoughts and observations that I hope will help you see things from a different angle.

1. Take care of yourself first, and then you'll be ready to take on the world!

From reading your post, I can tell you're feeling pretty confused right now. I totally get how you're feeling and I know it hasn't been easy for you over the years.

But for now, let's take a look at what we can do for ourselves. So what I understand is that the original poster might first deal with their emotions. We all know how it goes in marriages like this. We have a lot of complex emotions such as grievance, anger, sadness, etc.

When we're feeling all these intense emotions, it can make it really hard to think clearly and make good choices. It's so important to take a moment to calm ourselves down and deal with our emotions first.

This will help us think more clearly and make better choices that are right for us.

2. Give yourself the gift of expressing your emotions in a reasonable way.

I really believe that expressing our emotions and having someone listen to us can help to ease our feelings. I'm not sure what the original poster would do to make herself feel better when she was in a bad mood before.

I'm so happy to share this writing method with you! It's a great way to express your emotions. All you have to do is write out your feelings and thoughts.

It doesn't matter if it's a good or bad letter, the most important thing is to express yourself and write it.

As you write, you'll often find that you're listening to your emotions and then expressing them. This can be a great way to relieve your emotions!

Writing exercises are also used in many psychological consultations. If you're struggling, you're not alone. You can also seek help from a professional marriage and family counselor.

Take the time to think things through for yourself. And don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it!

3. Let's chat about whether staying in the marriage for the sake of the kids is the right move.

This is a topic that can really spark some lively debate! Some folks believe that it's worth it for the sake of the little ones.

Some folks believe that if you're not happy, you can't possibly be happy for your kids. We can chat about this together and see if we can find a way to bridge these two perspectives.

For those on the outside who think they should stay in the marriage for the sake of the children, they often worry that if they get divorced, their family will be broken, and their children will no longer have a complete family. This can have a big impact on the children's growth, their lives, and their psychology, and it can even affect them for the rest of their lives.

When it comes to marriage, many people tend to take it more lightly, thinking that it won't necessarily be better with someone else.

And if you get divorced, you may have to face a whole host of practical problems, such as the financial pressure of having to work for yourself and the gossip in society. Some people even feel that getting divorced makes them a failure, that it's bad, and so on. It's so sad when people stay in a bad marriage for these reasons.

Some people believe that it's best to stay in a bad marriage for the sake of the kids. But, if one person isn't happy, how can they bring happiness and a sense of well-being to their children? And if a mother stays in an unhappy marriage for her kids, she might unconsciously project her own negative feelings about the marriage onto them.

These two perspectives, different angles, see different problems. And you know what? That's okay! It all depends on what you think is best for you.

4. Try to face the problems in your marriage, my friend.

I've seen a statistic that says no matter how good a marriage is, there will be 200 impulses to divorce. But let's take a look at some happy marriages! The actors Cai Shaofen and Zhang Jin seem to have a very happy marriage. They're a great couple! But during a variety show, they revealed that when they first got married, they also had a lot of conflicts.

Later on, they found training in marital and family relationships, and they slowly changed. So, there are bound to be problems in marriage. The good news is that you can face the problem head-on and work together to find a solution.

I really think the best thing you can do is go to a counselor. If that's not possible for you, don't worry! There are also some great courses on intimacy you can take.

I really hope this helps and inspires you in some way. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach for one-on-one communication.

I've been watching some popular TV dramas recently, like "Heart Residence," "The Right Time to Meet," and "Perfect Partner." They're all about marriage, divorce, property, and children — the four major elements of life! It seems like the word "divorce" is on everyone's lips these days, even though there's still a cooling-off period. It's a tough topic, but it's important to remember that even though many people still get divorced, there are still plenty of happy couples out there!

Divorce is for your own happiness, and so is marriage. If you want to maintain a complete formalist family, it might be time to consider that the core of this family may have rotted long ago. It can be really challenging to raise high-quality and cheerful children with such a core, because children can also sense it.

Their relationship is really rough, but they still have to put on a show of marital harmony. It's tough for them, and I'm trying my best to reciprocate their performance. But the external pressure to compete is intense, and my kids might not meet my standards, which can make them feel lost.

On the other hand, if you and your partner really can't get along in your marriage, and the man is isolated, inferior, suspicious, and paranoid, while the woman is strong, naïve, and weak, it's clear that the two sides' worldviews really don't match at all. There are many cracks that make it difficult to get along, and that's okay!

It's so sad when couples argue all the time. It really affects their quality of life. It's no wonder that even getting a divorce can be difficult. Many people just don't know where to start. That's why it's so important to find a divorce lawyer to help you. You've got this!

ZQ?

I am a mental catcher, a national second-level psychological counselor.

After carefully reading your account,

From the narrative, it's clear you're currently troubled. You should be the woman struggling painfully in your marriage, with your relationship broken down and neither of you able to change the other. In such a difficult situation, you must decide whether to continue enduring the marriage for the sake of the children, or to end it.

As I read the narrative, I saw a clear description of your differences:

1. The woman will take responsibility for what she says and keep her promises, but the man repeatedly breaks his promises.

2. You have very different views on spending, and the man is extremely thrifty.

3. You have very different personalities.

You argue a lot, and you're both tired.

From reading your account, it's clear that differences are objective and have always existed from the time you met until you got married. You were willing to get married and start a family at that time, but now you can't get along. Why is that?

I'm sure you've considered this. What changed in the middle of your relationship to make it so difficult?

It's likely that the issue lies in our attitudes towards differences.

If you want to turn the other person into the person you want them to be, you will be disappointed when you see that nothing has changed.

If the other person also has this kind of thinking and wants to turn us into the person they idealize, they will be disappointed when they see that we haven't changed.

If you want the other person to become the person you want them to be, you will often be disappointed. Your feelings in the marriage will only get worse.

Tell me how you feel after I said all this.

Text replies have certain limitations and are unlikely to cover everything. I strongly suggest that you consider counseling and talk seriously with a counselor about your concerns. I am certain that it will be helpful.

The above content is for your reference only. I am confident it will be helpful to you. You are also welcome to leave a message for consultation.

Hello.

If I could give you a hug, I would comfort you about your marriage.

Oh, my heart!

You've endured humiliation and hardship for your children.

You're suffering day in and day out, aren't you?

I don't know your age or how long you've been married.

How did you meet and fall in love?

I don't know what caused the differences in character and consumption values.

Are differences in values causing the marriage to collapse?

We need to talk about:

What impact will the current marital status have on the children?

If this marriage is as bad as divorce, why stay together?

Why stay together?

Also, this marriage is so bad.

Why stay together?

Is it really because of the kids that you can't get divorced?

Or are you afraid to face the choice because of something you can't explain?

Next, we will discuss how to deal with the current marital crisis in three parts.

If you choose to maintain the status quo,

If the marriage continues without changes on both sides,

What impact will this have?

In other words,

If this continues and everyone is deadlocked,

Who benefits more? Who gives up first?

What's the worst that could happen?

Second, to save the marriage:

Who will make concessions and adjustments?

Moderate adjustments?

Who will make the first change to ease the atmosphere?

Is there any connection based on love?

Do you have the same interests and values?

Do you still love each other?

If you divorce

If there's no love left and staying married will hurt you both, divorce might be best.

Consider:

Community property, child support, and child harm.

You may need a lawyer to help with financial disputes.

How do you choose systematic desensitization to help your child prepare for the negative impact of divorce?

You need to prepare for how to take care of your child's emotions and feelings during a difficult period.

The above analysis is for reference only because there is limited information available.

I'm Consultant Yao. I'll support and care for you!

Dear questioner, I am also a mother, and I can really understand how hard it is to be a mother. First of all, I want to give you a big hug!

Now for some great advice!

First, you've already taken the first step by thinking about divorce. This shows that you're ready to make a change. Your subconscious mind is already telling you that the marriage isn't working. Listen to it! It's trying to tell you what it needs to feel fulfilled.

Or you can ask yourself what you want if you don't consider other factors (such as children and work). And remember, you deserve to respect and love yourself!

After learning, I now slowly understand that although I am a mother and I love my children unconditionally, I must first become myself, and then a wife, a mother, and even a child. I respect and love myself, and then my children have a beautiful, confident, and strong mother, and they will also develop corresponding qualities in the future. This is an amazing journey I'm on, and I'm excited to see where it takes me!

On the contrary, if you are suffering, torn, or even depressed and dull in the marriage, the children will also feel it. But don't worry! You can turn this around.

People make choices throughout their lives. And you can choose to get a divorce or not! Either way, please always consider and respect yourself. Other people's advice and answers are just for reference.

Second, it's a great idea to get some support, especially the understanding and support of your family!

It can be tough for a woman to get support if she wants a divorce. But don't worry! You can get through this. Even if your parents don't support your decision, you can still find other people who will.

You can do it! Be more understanding, forgive him, and be tolerant. Get the understanding and support of your parents. They can give you psychological, financial, or human support. You will have strength!

And the third thing you can do to empower yourself is to make yourself financially independent. Your ability to support yourself and your children is your greatest asset!

Women's self-empowerment is not just about divorce. It's about having the confidence and security to know that you won't starve after a divorce. And it's about having an economic foundation that gives you peace of mind and a sense of safety.

I really hope this helps! It's my answer, and I'm so excited to share it with you!

Hello! Many people have been in your current situation: stuck in a marriage that's causing them pain and making it difficult to separate.

You have two kids, which makes it tough for you to make a decision. My advice is:

1. Look for the positive in your differences. I'm sure you were attracted to each other when you first got together, but you just neglected it after getting married.

2. Your suffering comes from your expectations of him. Shift your focus to yourself, lower your expectations of him, and meet your emotional needs.

3. Think about the potential issues you might face after the divorce. It can be challenging to align your thoughts with your actions.

The reality is that divorce is actually very simple. If you want a divorce, you can take legal action even if your spouse disagrees. The key is how you feel after the divorce.

It's often said that after a divorce, you'll be responsible for the child until the end. In reality, though, after a divorce, you can't really do as you say, especially if both people remarry. The care and attention you give the child will decrease. As the distance between you increases, the emotional attachment will become weaker and weaker. This is a real phenomenon. No matter how good your intentions are, it's difficult to put them into practice. Then the only one who will be hurt is the child.

If you were to divorce and spend all day worrying about your children, how would you feel?

4. Find a middle ground. In any situation, there's always a way to meet in the middle between two extremes.

If he's really tight with his money and you're the opposite, and you can both make a few compromises, you'll probably be pretty happy with the result.

Hello, question asker!

I can see you're in a tough spot. It's not an easy decision, is it? If you leave, what about the two children?

Maybe you just don't feel ready to face the future alone. I truly believe that it's not just about the kids, although of course the kids' issues are also a big part of it. It's really tough not to leave.

I'd love to share some of my thoughts with you!

1. The couple's relationship has broken down, and neither can change the other. The man is withdrawn, has an inferiority complex, is suspicious, and paranoid, while the woman is strong-willed, naive, and weak-willed. At one point, she trusted the man, thinking that he would be responsible for his words and keep his promises, just as she would. However, the man repeatedly challenged her bottom line and broke his promises again and again. When their relationship was good, he would coax her with sweet talk.

It can be really tough to change someone's character, especially when it's formed in their original family at a young age. As the saying goes, "It's easy to change the country, but difficult to change one's nature." You can see how challenging it is to change a person's character. Any couple has differences, but how to deal with these differences requires you to learn some knowledge in these areas. In fact, what initially attracted the two of you was precisely your differences. Think back to how you first entered into marriage with him.

I truly believe that even if he has no good points at all, he must have some. And those good points are probably the ones you like the most! It's just that when you get emotional, you only see all his bad points and ignore all the good ones. If you didn't care about him, even if you were simple, you wouldn't have had two kids!

I just want to say that when there are problems in a marriage, it's really a joint effort. It's not just one person's responsibility. When there are problems in a marriage, the first thing to do is to take a good look at yourself. Try to understand your real needs, see things clearly, and understand what's really being expressed behind anger and disappointment.

If you want to make real changes in a relationship, it's always a good idea to start with yourself. It's so important to remember that if you always put all the blame on the other person and never grow, reflect, or see things for yourself, then you might find it a bit tricky to manage the next relationship well either. We could even say that a person who can't swim will get the same result no matter how many swimming pools they go to!

True growth is all about looking inward, understanding your own needs, getting to know your own character, being aware of your own patterns of behavior, taking responsibility for yourself, and learning to be independent.

2. I think the root cause of their personality and value differences is that the man always wants to control the woman.

I'm just wondering if the OP actually isn't financially independent? I totally get that it might be tough to go back to work with a little one.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this situation.

I truly believe that for a woman to be truly independent, she must first be financially independent. Even if the children are still young and there is no one to help out, she must have a plan for herself. If she is not financially independent, then this kind of worry about money will always be there, and it is likely that the fact that they keep fighting over money will just keep repeating itself. So what if you can earn your own living?

I'm really curious to know what the result will be!

Have you thought about when you'll start working again? I'm guessing that the OP can't work while looking after the baby.

A truly mature woman is someone who is ready to take responsibility for herself. She's not someone who relies on others, especially financially. Even if she's temporarily unable to do so, she'll always have a plan. Money is a person's foundation and dignity.

3. It might seem like it'd be easy to get relief, but there are actually quite a few difficulties. The man has been unhappy, and he's even less willing to resolve the situation through peaceful negotiation and make proper arrangements for the children. The condition for divorce is that the woman wants nothing, and the man will only feel psychologically balanced. I'm not sure where such a marriage should go from here.

On the surface, it seems like the man is unhappy, but it might actually be a result of his own confusion and fear about how to restart his life after the divorce with a child. I'm not sure if the original poster works or how long it's been since he stopped working.

If it's been more than five years since you last worked, it's totally normal to feel a bit scared. When we're away from the workplace for too long, it can feel like we've forgotten how to start again. But you know what? It's okay! We all have different strengths and challenges. If you were unloved as a child, it might take you a little longer to find your inner strength. But you can do it! Just take your time to grow yourself first and then you'll be ready to take on whatever comes your way.

Take a moment to think about this: if you get a divorce, can you still bring up the children well? If you're determined to get a divorce, even if the other party leaves you with nothing, there's still the law to protect you. It's not up to him to do whatever he wants.

I'd love to help you understand what's behind your fear. Could it be that you're afraid of really having nothing?

Or are you afraid that you are temporarily unable to compete with him? If you are afraid of the future and don't have financial independence, don't worry! First, start building yourself up little by little. Take it one step at a time and before you know it, you'll be there. And in the meantime, you can learn to take responsibility for your own life.

It's so important to learn to see your own problems and then fix them.

You've got this! No one can make a decision for you about whether or not to leave. Look at your own needs, your own situation, and your own fears, and then solve them one by one. Stop focusing on your husband and look at yourself. You've got this!

You can do it! Believe in yourself and grow into a brand new you.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, host. I can feel your pain from your description. First, give the host a hug. You have already endured so much.

First, decide who is responsible for what.

From your description, both of you have many shortcomings. This shows that the hostess is very unhappy with both herself and her husband.

The poster is very critical of herself and her husband. She should try to let go of these ideas. I believe that the poster and her husband are just ordinary people. It is normal for people to have problems and find it difficult to let go. The poster does not need to be overly critical of herself.

The original poster doesn't mention a specific incident. Are long-term differences and minor disagreements causing excessive stress? Take responsibility for your actions and don't expect the other person to change. This is an unrealistic expectation.

Think about what you must do yourself.

You are responsible for your own health, your children's education, and your daily life. Do your best.

The second step is to stand firm.

Your husband is just an ordinary person. There is a difference between him trying to make you leave the house with nothing and him actually making you leave the house with nothing. You can also go through legal procedures if your marriage breaks up. Use the legal system, keep all the evidence, find a job, and give yourself more bargaining power. I believe in justice and fairness in the law.

You know he controls you, and you're smart. Stand firm. You're his wife and mother, and you have rights.

This includes property and child custody. In court, it is about rights and responsibilities.

Be firm in this understanding. It's the truth.

The third step is to get out of a controlling situation.

Control comes from insecurity. Find your own feelings. When you feel uncomfortable, pull away to protect yourself.

No matter who he is, he has no right to threaten you. Family conflicts basically stem from an unequal status between the two parties, but both parties are equal in terms of personality. You are a person of equal character. There is no right or wrong in your feelings, and you just can't feel happy in this relationship.

Power struggles in relationships are a lose-lose. You're both in the wrong. Face the struggle, tell him, and stop expecting him to change. You'll find yourself again.

Hello, dear questioner!

I know many people have faced the same dilemma as you.

After getting married, you have found that there are many irreconcilable problems. Your personalities and worldviews are completely incompatible, and your views on spending are poles apart. You must decide whether to continue struggling in this marriage for the sake of the children or to free each other.

I'd be happy to chat with you.

I am confident that this will be of some comfort and inspiration to you.

1. Evaluate which choice is better for you at this stage.

In the situation you describe, continuing this marriage is undoubtedly painful, but it is also difficult to find relief.

This is bound to make someone feel torn.

Mr. Li Songwei said it best: When deciding whether to stay in a marriage or get a divorce, the first thing to consider is yourself.

Mothers care about their children's feelings.

You want to give your child a complete family.

A home where the mother is unhappy is not good for the child.

When a mother sacrifices too much for her children, it's not good for anyone. The mother feels unbalanced, and the children feel guilty. Neither is conducive to their growth.

You're actively seeking solutions, and I applaud you for it!

Forget about the children. Focus on yourself. Which option is more beneficial to you at this stage?

You need to decide how you're going to arrange for your child.

What about financial security?

I want to know exactly what the respective burdens of these two lifestyles are.

For example, in a marriage, we may feel unhappy and unfree. However, we have given ourselves a home and do not have to face certain things alone.

You need to sort things out for yourself.

Once you've sorted things out, your thoughts will become clearer.

2. We always have a choice in our marriage.

Many girls find that there is a significant difference between them and their partners after marriage.

Let's be clear: the idea that "the man always wants to control the woman" is nonsense. The same goes for the idea that frequent arguments mean that neither can change the other. This is a drain on both people.

You want to escape.

Hug you!

I want to be clear: we cannot change each other, but we can change ourselves.

We must be more flexible and effective in preventing being controlled, just as he wants to control you.

Apart from arguing, you should try other ways.

I know you were in love at one time.

Love is an emotion that comes and goes. It does not last 24 hours a day.

We need to try a new communication model.

For example, you need to figure out how to make yourself happier when you feel unhappy.

You need to find out whether you have your own independent income regarding money.

You need to find a way to save some money that you can control freely, in addition to saving money for the family's needs.

You need to find a third way that is neither exactly like his frugal ways nor exactly like your own way of doing things.

If he doesn't want to spend money, then he can do more household chores.

Look at the family relationship entirely from a cooperative perspective.

We must learn how to cooperate with someone who is not easy to work with.

Use bargaining and other methods to negotiate.

We can't change him, but we can control how we respond.

This is how we will gradually feel in control.

3. Find the good in the other person.

For both sides of a broken relationship, seeing him is annoying.

I was blown away by a passage I once read online:

When you see your husband being annoying, wanting to argue, or just hanging out together, tell yourself, "I chose this. I chose this. I chose this myself!"

What are your thoughts on this?

Everyone has faults.

You can and should see each other's shortcomings.

I want to know how he was attractive to you in the first place.

I want to know if there's any other aspect of his character that's better.

If he is thrifty, he ensures the family's necessities without worrying about money, gambling, or borrowing.

He is a domestic abuser, even though you argue.

He didn't cheat on you?

I want to know how he treats the children.

I want to know if he's ever shown any concern for you.

If you want to be happy, you have to find the good things about the other person, even if it's just a little.

Read the book Love Needs Work.

Our marriage will undoubtedly face many conflicts due to our differing ideas.

We can and will look at it from a different perspective. It's not his fault, it's not your fault, it's just that you two are different.

The two people grew up in different environments and received different educations, so their ideas will differ greatly.

Marriage is neutral.

We only stay in a marriage if we choose to. We don't tolerate it. We don't stay in it because we're expected to. We stay in it because we choose to. And we leave a marriage when we choose to.

It is more constructive.

We must remember that we are sometimes willing to tolerate each other, not entirely for the other person's sake, but for our own, to make ourselves more comfortable.

Take your time, learn to grow up on your own, and you will see everything from a different perspective.

If you have further questions, contact me directly for in-depth, one-on-one communication.

Best regards!

Hello, question asker. I just wanted to send you a big, warm hug to comfort your heart, which is going through a lot right now.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling pretty helpless and depressed, as well as confused and torn. You're a person who sticks to your word and keeps your promises, but it seems like the man in your life doesn't always do the same. This can make you feel sad and disappointed. You and the man have very different spending habits, and he's extremely thrifty. You and the man have very different personalities, and you argue frequently, which can make both of you feel tired. The man's demands make the process of choosing divorce very difficult, which can make you feel even more sad and confused.

Let's talk about this together:

I'm really interested to know what impact your current marital status is having on your children.

If these conflicts and cold wars in your marriage cause the children as much harm as divorce, it might be time to ask yourself: what is the point of keeping this marriage together?

I really hope you can think about it carefully.

I'm really trying to understand your situation. Is it really because of the children that you can't bear to get a divorce, or are you afraid to face the choice because of some other factors?

In this tough spot you're in, apart from the kids, is there anything else you'll miss?

I know you're struggling right now, and I'm here to support you. I can't make this decision for you, but I can tell you that you need to make it your own. This is something you'll live with for the rest of your life, so it's important to do what's right for you.

I truly believe that after some careful thought, you can handle this marriage on your own. Of course, you can also seek help from outside professionals if you'd like. We live in a society where everyone is equal, and I understand that the threat from your husband might influence your decision. However, legally, his threat has no effect.

I really hope my answer helps! ?

Hello, question asker, I can feel your inner feelings of grievance, disappointment, depression, and helplessness.

You met your husband, who was withdrawn, self-conscious, and suspicious.

You both expected to change each other to make life safer and more stable.

However, you have found that you can't change each other.

Your boyfriend's selfishness, control, and irresponsibility have made you feel desperate. You hope to start a new life by ending the relationship.

But you have two children, so ending it doesn't seem easy. You don't know how to choose.

I feel for you. You've worked hard for this family.

You've gone too far trying to change your husband.

Your husband has been paranoid, and you have been strong. You have focused on changing each other.

They couldn't stand each other, couldn't change each other, and became incompatible. They were exhausted and their relationship broke up.

Why get married? To make yourself happier?

Did you make each other and your family happier?

Maybe people just want to change others to make themselves happier.

You can't change the other person.

Why do you feel torn about divorce?

You're torn between staying in this marriage and getting out, for the sake of the kids.

Is that really true?

In a divorce, you hope both parties can agree on a way to take care of the children.

But when did you consider negotiating and problem solving for the kids in your last marriage?

Maybe what bothers you is:

If you don't divorce, you can't stand your husband. If you divorce, you're not sure you can get more from him, and you don't have the ability to make a better life for yourself and your children.

Who let you down?

You feel naive and weak-willed. You trusted your husband too easily. He failed to keep his promises, disappointing you and driving you to despair.

So, you think you have imposed your unfulfilled wishes on your husband because he hasn't fulfilled them?

You've made your husband responsible for everything so you don't have to face your own problems.

Maybe it's not others, but us.

Try to see things from his perspective.

Your husband has broken his promises and failed to keep his word.

When the relationship is good, he'll sweet-talk you. But as soon as money is mentioned, he'll get angry.

What is a good relationship to you? Maybe it's not talking about money because he gets angry when it's mentioned.

Your husband still has feelings for you. He was willing to appease you when you didn't mention money. He is willing to spend time and show affection towards you.

You think your husband has broken promises and failed to keep his word.

Is it possible that your husband wants to create a good life for you and your child, but can't? He isn't unwilling, but just like you, he is also powerless.

You and he can only talk about feelings when you don't mention money, which makes him desperate and crazy.

Accept yourself before you can accept others.

Perhaps when we accept ourselves, we can accept others too.

We can only see others' vulnerability and powerlessness when we accept our own.

It's not easy. Give up trying to change others and accept yourself. Then you can live a better life with your child.

Best wishes!