light mode dark mode
menu
Home >> Other

Slightly schizophrenic, hating my father, and afraid to be myself?

hate, father, abuse, mother, personality suicide, schizophrenia, setbacks, uncontrollable behaviors, parents
readership8827 favorite67 forward21
Slightly schizophrenic, hating my father, and afraid to be myself? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

①I especially hate my father. When I was little, he treated me badly, either beating me or scolding me. When I was little, I hated and feared him. When I grew up a bit, I wasn't so afraid anymore. He also always bullied my mother. My mother's relatives all said that he was no good, and I also feel that in the past two years, he has been a bit nicer to me. But he still points his finger at me a bit, but I still hate him.

Just thinking about him makes me want to explode.② I think my personality is bad, I never dare to be myself, I dare not express my thoughts in public, and I always follow other people's thinking when talking to them. I have also discovered that my mother has instilled some wrong ideas in me, and the world is not like what she says.③ I am a mild schizophrenic, and I always want to commit suicide when I encounter setbacks in life. I also have some uncontrollable behaviors that I find unacceptable, and my parents don't understand me either.

Raylan Raylan A total of 2174 people have been helped

Hello! I'm so happy to see you've asked for help. I'm here to support you in any way I can!

I'm so excited to tell you that the slight schizophrenia you describe can be diagnosed by a tertiary hospital psychiatric department! It's important to remember that you shouldn't easily label yourself with a certain symptom just because you have some symptoms of a personality disorder. Labels can have a guiding effect, especially negative ones, especially those involving personality traits.

It's time to let go of the past! Your father's beatings and scoldings may have caused some physical and mental harm, but they're in the past. Now it's time to respond to the painful emotional feelings caused by your father's innocent beatings and scoldings in a way that allows your emotions to be seen and expressed well. You can do this by keeping an emotional diary. You can also try to express the harm you have suffered by writing a letter to your father.

You've made a great start! You've clearly perceived that your personality and your upbringing in the original family have a great influence on you. Then, guided by this self-awareness, you can try to better repair and heal your past trauma through your own active growth. Follow your true feelings to be yourself and experience your own life!

I highly recommend you read "Original Family," "A Life Not Controlled by Parents," and "Light Healing." They're amazing!

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum! The world and I love you!

Helpful to meHelpful to me 887
disapprovedisapprove0
Ian Sebastian Hall Ian Sebastian Hall A total of 1423 people have been helped

Dear, I hug you.

Your description made me think of a pine tree in the Huangshan Mountains, growing in a crack in a rock. It's tough, but it's strong and grows into itself.

Then you can say, "All of your mother's relatives say she's no good," which means they support you.

I hope you can accept your parents.

Accept your father for who he is. You can't change him. He used to educate you harshly. Accept the harm your father has caused you.

Accept your mother's way of thinking. She sees the world differently, and she tells you what she thinks. You grow up and realize that some of her ideas are wrong. You can change her ideas if you want to.

Accept yourself, with all your symptoms.

After accepting, you hug yourself again and be more kind to yourself. So what if you can't share your thoughts with others? Just tell yourself what you want to say.

Is that okay?

If you act in ways you don't accept, you're not your best self.

It's you.

Be true to yourself!

As long as it's not illegal, it's allowed. Those behaviors you can't control? That's just because you can't accept them.

Relax, I love you.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 302
disapprovedisapprove0

Comments

avatar
Grace Anderson Forgiveness is a way to break the cycle of pain and suffering.

I understand your feelings towards your father. It's painful to grow up in an environment where you feel unloved or mistreated. Even though he's been a bit nicer recently, it's hard to just forget the past and the anger that comes with it.

avatar
Silvia Thomas The shortness of life gives a solemn value to every day.

It sounds like you've been carrying a lot of weight from your childhood into adulthood. Not being able to be yourself or express your thoughts can be really tough. Maybe finding a way to gradually build up your confidence could help you start expressing yourself more freely.

avatar
Gloria Anderson Growth is a journey of self - liberation from self - imposed limitations.

The relationship between you and your father seems complex. While it's good that he's treating you better now, it's understandable that you still carry resentment. Healing from past wounds takes time, and it's okay to feel the way you do.

avatar
David Anderson The more we grow, the more we learn to cherish every moment.

You mentioned feeling controlled by your mother's ideas, and realizing that the world is different from what she described. It's important to form your own perspective and understanding of life as you grow older, even if it means challenging beliefs you've held for a long time.

avatar
Atticus Miller Learning is like rowing upstream; not to advance is to drop back.

Your situation sounds incredibly difficult, especially with the mental health challenges you're facing. Schizophrenia and suicidal thoughts are serious, and it's crucial to seek professional support to cope with these feelings and behaviors.

More from Soul Share Cove

This feature is under maintenance and update.
Close