The boy is almost 7 years old, why didn't you let the elevator door close? Why do you take it out on me?

Hello, landlord. I'm confident my answer will be helpful to you.

As a mother, I understand your frustration. It's natural to be confused when your child displays strong emotions and directs them at you. But you can correct this behavior.

Let's examine each one:

The child didn't let the elevator door close for a reason.

Every behavior is driven by a need. He didn't want the elevator door to close because he wanted to control the opening and closing of the elevator. Boys are naturally competitive, and the other little boy also wanted to control the elevator. While we adults were concerned about the elevator, the children were focused on who would gain control of it.

The child didn't let the elevator door close because he wanted to control it.

2. Why does the child have such strong emotions and vent them on you?

You stopped him, so he lost control of the elevator doors and felt frustrated. Emotions are driven by needs. When needs are not met, emotions arise.

Anger is a sign that you need love.

Confucius said, "An angry person is like a person who has been hungry for a long time and sees food: they have a heart that wants to pounce on it and gobble it up. It is not the current person who has provoked your anger. It is your constant sense of deprivation that has led you to discover that this person is the easiest, most likely, and most deserving to satisfy you."

In other words, children who are close to someone tend to throw tantrums more often because they feel that the person close to them "should" meet their needs.

Have you noticed this? Your child behaves differently towards his father.

3. Learn the methods in Positive Discipline and guide your child in a reasonable way.

We will make your child feel understood and respected, and more willing to listen to your point of view, through the following four steps. In the process, he will be willing to take your advice, and also gain cognitive improvement and behavioral improvement.

The first step is to express your understanding of your child's feelings. We must win our children's respect and understanding. Children want to be seen and heard. When a conflict arises, don't rush to solve the problem or blame the child. Instead, listen attentively to determine if you understand your child's true feelings.

For example, you could say, "Are you feeling a little aggrieved right now?" or "Mummy wants to know, are you feeling worried or anxious right now?"

Is there anything else I should know?

The second step is to express your sympathy for your child, not to condone his behavior. If you have also acted or felt in a similar way, share it with your child. This will help you connect on an emotional level.

This does not mean that you approve of or condone your child's behavior. It means that you make your child feel understood. Once your child feels understood, he will be willing to listen to you. The subsequent communication will be much easier.

Third, tell your child how you feel. If you have carried out the first two steps correctly, then he will be able to listen to you at this point. You have created an atmosphere of closeness and trust and a positive attitude towards communication.

You will also gain your child's understanding through this process.

Step 4: Focus on problem solving. Ask your child what they think you can do to avoid this problem in the future. If your child doesn't have any ideas, tell them what you think and then ask them if they agree.

For example, you can say to your child, "Mommy knows you're angry. You stopped pushing the button because you felt I didn't understand you.

Tell me what you were thinking and what made you angry.

Once your child responds to you, show them your understanding and empathy. Talk about your own experiences and then discuss problem-solving: What should we do next time when this happens again? You can suggest, "Next time, I'll remind you gently that it's time to close the elevator. I expect you to do it right away after I tell you." You can also say, "I believe you can do it because you're a responsible little boy who takes care of everyone's feelings."

I am certain that through this kind of constant communication, your relationship will improve, and you will understand your child better. He will be more willing to listen to your advice and guidance.

I am confident that this will be helpful. Best wishes!

Hello, this is Hou from Yi Xin Li. I'm happy to help you sort out the events you mentioned.

1. You observed that both children were holding down the elevator control button, and you intervened to stop your child, not fully understanding the reason behind his reluctance to let the elevator close.

1) Could I ask you to consider why he didn't let the elevator close? I wonder if you've ever thought about this?

It seems that both children are seeking control. By holding his hand, you forced him to stop, which allowed the other child to take control. Would it be reasonable to assume that he should be happy and say thank you?

It seems that this made him unhappy, so he expressed his emotions towards you.

2) You mentioned that he deliberately messed up and didn't want to let go of the elevator. After you stopped him, he scratched and pinched you all over your arms. You stood your ground and didn't scold him in front of other people. This was a very wise decision on your part. You didn't criticize him or deny him in front of other people, and you did a good job of protecting the child's self-esteem.

2. You're unsure why he has such strong emotions and vents them on you.

1) Could I ask why he is emotional? You have already given a very clear analysis of the situation: he is emotional because you prevented him from acting as he wished.

2) Could you please explain why he chose to vent his anger on you? Given that you are his family and you stopped him, could it be that he was looking for an outlet to express his frustration?

It's natural for children to feel emotional. They need an outlet to express their feelings. If they don't vent on their parents first, who else should they vent on? On the other hand, if he really lashed out at another child, didn't you also feel a surge of emotion along with him?

Perhaps you're still concerned about his feelings and hesitant to scold him? It's possible you might feel that you've compromised your authority and discipline him on the spot.

It might be helpful to view a child expressing their emotions as a way of seeking help.

3. How might this behavior be addressed in a constructive manner?

(1) It would be beneficial to provide safety education on a daily basis. Perhaps you could explain safe behavior in the elevator to your child, and gently ask him, "We're all in the elevator now, son, and you don't want it to close, so how are we going to get up there?"

If he still insists on pressing the button, take his hand, grasp it firmly, and tell him in a calm but firm voice, "My child, that's not allowed. If you don't want to take the elevator, I can come down with you, but we can't affect other people going up."

(2) When the child is emotional after being stopped by you: "My child, it seems you are upset because I stopped you from pressing the elevator button.

This may make him feel that you are paying attention to him and seeing him. This is when he may answer you, "Yes, I'm going to press it."

He may continue to cry or scratch you, etc., which could be because you empathized with him and he feels aggrieved. Then, you could hug him and say something like, "Mommy didn't explain this properly to you, and I was a bit anxious after all, the elevator was full of people."

"Gently look him in the eye and explain, 'My dear child, I'm afraid that's not permitted. It's not possible to influence so many people because of one person's wishes."

It would be beneficial for parents to be gentle but firm, and for children to be told what to do in a calm manner.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you well.