What should I do if I am a middle-aged teacher with a poor relationship with my son and my spouse, and I am seriously mentally unbalanced?

First, I'd like to give the poster a big, warm hug!

In middle age, family relationships are not as harmonious as you'd like, your child's grades are not as good as you'd hoped, and life is full of frustrations. It's a very sad, angry, anxious, sad, and overwhelming situation. From your description, I feel that there are not only these emotions, but also a lot of grievances: the two people who should be the most loved not only do not understand you, but also "destroy what I value so much."

I admire your courage in posting this anonymously on the platform. I applaud you for taking this step!

I highly recommend that you go and see a counselor on the platform!

From your last sentence, "seriously unbalanced mentally. I often imagine in my head how I would kill them both," it's clear you're ready for a change! You're like a balloon about to burst, and you're ready to release the excess gas through various means to restore a balanced state.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you've been dealing with these issues for a while. That just goes to show how tolerant you are! And because there are three of you involved, it's going to take a bit of time to resolve things. But I'm sure you'll get there!

I really think that talking to a counselor would be a great option for you!

I'm really excited to share some of my views on your question!

It seems that whether it is the conflict in the relationship between husband and wife or the son's grades, in the final analysis, it is actually a problem of child education, or rather, conflicts and contradictions caused by inconsistent educational philosophies. This is an excellent opportunity to learn and grow together as a family!

It's totally normal for couples to have different views on their child's education. In fact, most families will probably encounter this at some point. The key is how to deal with these differences in a way that works for everyone!

Some families choose one person to be in charge, while the other person stays out of the way. Some families choose to divide up the work between the two of them, with each taking charge of different subjects. Some families even choose a shift system, with the mother in charge on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th, and the father on the 2nd, 4th, and 6th! No matter which model you choose, as long as everyone can agree, that's great! The biggest taboo is when everyone not only can't agree, but then they blame each other. At this point, you'll find your emotions running high, and the subject of the discussion completely off track. The louder you argue, the more sad you'll feel, and the problem won't be solved. But don't worry! There are plenty of other ways to approach this.

Your profession is that of a teacher, and you do have a lot of experience teaching and nurturing people. Teachers have authority in school, and the classroom is a small society where so many students compete with each other that there is a real need for all kinds of rules and regulations. But at home, your status reverts to that of a mother, and your authority does not seem to be recognized. And since you only have one child, it is difficult to use the rules and regulations of school to discipline him, and there are indeed some inconsistencies in the situation.

Guess what! Something happened in my house the other day, and I'm excited to tell you all about it.

That night, the eldest son was doing his homework until nearly 10 o'clock, and then started taking his time going to the bathroom and taking a shower. His father came back at 10:20, but he wasn't in bed yet. His father rummaged through his school bag and found that he had brought a lot of books that he didn't think were necessary (supplementary teaching books, mental arithmetic books), and also found that he hadn't finished several art assignments, so he started scolding him...

I was in the next room, trying to get my second child to sleep. Finally, he fell asleep, but I could hear the angry shouting from the next room, so I rushed over to stop it. I told his father, "Look at the time! The most important thing now is to go to sleep, and we can talk about everything else tomorrow..."

His father immediately replied, "Am I wrong? Every time I say something, you come out and stop me..."

I said, "If he wants to carry such a heavy schoolbag, let him carry it himself. That's another problem. The main problem now is sleeping... and then immediately pushed the baby into bed."

All right, the baby is asleep, his father is angry, and he's stopped talking to me...

Just look at it! Think about it! It's incredible how a seemingly insignificant issue can spark a conflict between husband and wife.

Oh, the intrigue! I'm not sure whose version you think is more correct.

From my own point of view, I can't say that his father is wrong. After all, he is also thinking from the perspective of loving his child, hoping that his schoolbag is lighter and that he doesn't always procrastinate with his homework and forget things. But can I say that I am not wrong? Obviously not!

So, it's not that something is incorrect, it's just that we can arrange the right thing in the right combination, in the right order, or in the right place to make it correct!

And then there was the pain of practicing the piano when he was little. Every time he couldn't play well in the middle of practicing, he would throw a tantrum. His father would usually encourage him first, then scold him if that didn't work, and finally hit him if that didn't work either. At one point, I was really worried whether this was domestic violence, and that it was wrong to hit a child.

But then I had a lightbulb moment! My child doesn't seem to hold a grudge. After working hard on the piano and passing the exam, he began to gain a bit of confidence. I hardly need to urge him to practice the piano anymore! It seems that his relationship with his father has not become particularly avoidant or aversive because of the beatings and scoldings. When they go out to play, they don't have too much fun with their father.

Then I had a lightbulb moment! I told my son, "Actually, we don't really want to hit or scold you, but I've tried several methods, and none of them worked. I don't know what approach to use to make you understand, and when my emotions get the better of me, I don't care about anything. In a way, hitting and scolding may be a way for father and son to get along.

I totally get it! Family education is not about right and wrong. It's about finding the best way to educate your child in the moment.

I have given these examples not to challenge your authority as a teacher, but to give you some input from a new perspective. I really hope it will touch you in some way!

Let's talk about your son!

Your son's academic performance presents an exciting opportunity for growth and improvement! While the parent-child relationship may be a work in progress, there is potential for a positive shift. You are curious about the possibilities of him getting into a key high school or university.

A boy in the second year of junior high school should have already entered puberty by now. It's an exciting time! The characteristics of puberty are having their own ideas and being prone to rebellion. Most families encounter this obstacle, which is a necessary part of growing up. They need to experience it themselves, overcome it, and form their own identity. The characteristics of this period of time determine that they basically ignore their parents' advice, which is a great way to learn to think for themselves!

But this is his life path, and he needs to walk it himself. You can only help him along for a while; ultimately, he will set off on his own, and it's going to be amazing to watch him grow and learn and succeed on his own terms!

If he doesn't do well in school and can't get into a high school or university, there are so many other areas where he can excel! Has he tried to understand more about society?

The country's current policy direction presents a fantastic opportunity for students to pursue vocational high school and gain early employment, rather than attending a regular university. This is a great time for those interested in blue-collar work, as there is a growing demand for skilled professionals in this field.

And I still think that if he hasn't learned it yet, society will teach him. But the most important thing is that he needs to have confidence in himself. So other respondents are right: there is definitely no harm in praising him more!

Let's talk about your face!

I bet you have a great position at school, and you're proud of your reputation. I can see how your child's grades might be a bit of a challenge, but you're handling it like a star!

In my personal experience, most people will talk about other people's affairs, but they'll just talk about it and forget about it soon afterwards because no one has the time to constantly pay attention to other people's affairs. So there's absolutely no need to care too much!

From another perspective, my house is a mess, but my work has not been affected. This just goes to show how amazing I am at my job!

I'm so excited to share these ideas with you! They're just a few things I've picked up along the way, but I hope they'll be useful for you.

I really hope this gives you some inspiration and I wish you the absolute best of luck!

Hello.

You have explicitly expressed your emotions, including hatred towards your husband and son, to the extent that you even imagine killing them in your mind. I believe you were shocked by the scenes that appeared in your mind.

You feel a serious imbalance in your mind, your energy is low, and you choose to express this emotion and seek help from an online psychological platform. This shows you have a strong desire to change. I applaud you for this awareness and desire to change, and give you a warm hug.

Let's analyze your emotions together in detail.

1. I hate my husband.

"He can't accept my criticism and disapproval of him. We have had many disagreements over the education of our child."

I am an elementary school teacher, and I have many correct ideas, but he refuses to listen. This has led to many problems.

Furthermore, he beats and scolds his son, which has left the child with no self-esteem.

"This has been the case since elementary school, and I have tried to persuade him on numerous occasions, but it has been to no avail."

From your description, it is clear that you value control above all else in your husband. You believe that when it comes to your children's education, your primary school teaching background gives you a distinct advantage.

Your husband should listen to you. If he doesn't, it's wrong. It will make you feel out of control and you may even go crazy. This sense of loss of control is transformed into a strong hatred.

My advice is clear:

As an elementary school teacher, you undoubtedly have valuable insights into child education. You likely possess a superior understanding of how to educate children compared to many parents, and a more refined educational philosophy. However, when it comes to child education, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, there is a way that is more suitable for the child.

The best parenting style for children is the one that suits their specific circumstances.

In your family, except for domestic violence against children by their fathers, other educational philosophies, we must relax a little and stop forcing your husband to listen to you.

Your mental state will improve, and there will be less confrontation between you. This family atmosphere, free from confrontation and emotions, is the best for the children, and it is just as effective as the so-called good methods.

2. You resent your son.

"He didn't do well in school in the second year, and the parent-child relationship was not good. Then I became an elementary school teacher at this school.

I am losing face. My colleagues are laughing at me and looking down on me.

"

You care too much about what other people think and live in the spotlight of others' attention. This has caused you to hate your son. You need to adjust your mentality. Stop living in the spotlight of others' attention. Focus on substance, not face. Help your child find a better way to learn. Work with your child to improve the parent-child relationship. Things will develop more easily in a positive direction.

In summary, it is clear that your feelings of hatred towards your husband and children are a result of their upbringing. However, there are underlying unmet needs in your heart, namely a sense of loss of control and a sense of face.

Are these two aspects the same as what you said at the beginning: "I feel that both of them are destroying what I value so much!"?

Let's not forget the child's studies.

"The future is uncertain. If I don't get into a good high school, I'll have limited options for college. That's why I'm anxious.

"I have tried many ways to change, but I can't."

It is normal for a mother to worry and be anxious when her child does not do well in school. This kind of anxiety is a feeling that almost every parent will have. I understand your anxiety, and I have advice for you.

(1) Your child's studies will not improve because of your anxiety. In fact, your anxiety often has a negative impact on your child.

(1) Your child's studies will not improve because of your anxiety. In fact, your anxiety often has a negative impact on your child.

If you make your child anxious, guilty, or rebellious, it will affect their ability to focus on their studies and damage the parent-child relationship.

We must relax our anxiety and worry. The child is only in the second year of high school, and there are several years until the college entrance exam. They can work hard and make changes during that time.

Furthermore, a child's future is not solely determined by academic performance. If you can first calm down your emotions, your child will be less anxious and less confrontational. Your relationship with your child will improve, and your child will be willing to work hard, so that his academic performance may improve quickly.

(2) Your son is in the second year of junior high school and is going through puberty. At this time, children will naturally experience emotions that they themselves do not understand, and they will also inexplicably rebel against their parents.

(2) Your son is in the second year of junior high school and is going through puberty. It is normal for children to experience emotions they do not understand and to rebel against their parents during this time.

Parents must make more efforts to guide, care for, tolerate, and support their children so they can successfully overcome this period.

(3) There is a psychological Rosenthal effect, also known as the Pygmalion effect. This effect proves that positive expectations from an authority figure can make someone better and achieve unexpected results. Conversely, if you have negative expectations of your child, the child will naturally become worse and worse.

Your son gets beating and domestic violence from his father, and he gets the feeling that his poor academic performance will make you lose face and be mocked from you, his mother. The child feels anger and guilt, not love, from the parents, the authority figures.

You may feel anxious about your child's future, but you need to recognize that your love is conditional. You love him not for who he is, but for how well he studies. These emotions may all affect your child's learning and parent-child relationship.

As the child's initial authority, parents must give their children the sincere belief from the bottom of their hearts that they can learn well. This is more important than scolding or pushing them.

I am confident that these suggestions will be helpful. The world and I love you!

Anger, anxiety, and helplessness fill her interactions with her husband and son. In times of high anxiety, she often imagines how she could kill them—and it's pretty wild!

However, such an imaginary scenario cannot solve the problem and will only raise anxiety again. But there is a way to conquer your anxiety! Apart from work, your family is often the scene of your life, and they can help you conquer your anxiety. Your anxiety as an elementary school teacher comes from the fact that family members are unable to meet the stereotypical requirements of your work identity, but you can help them meet those requirements!

We know you're eager to find solutions and are excited to share some ideas with you!

1. The accumulated grievances between you and your husband over child-rearing have spread and affected your marital relationship. But don't worry! You can stop the current pattern of communication and end the vicious cycle of your relationship.

The husband is passionate and seems to be a sensitive person, judging from the messages. If he receives "criticism" and "negation," it is indeed easy to fuel such a passionate response!

Ideally, when it comes to raising children, whoever is right should be listened to. However, because parents often come from different backgrounds and have different parenting styles and levels of education, they are likely to disagree and think that "I am right." This is an opportunity for you to learn more about your partner's perspective and find a way to come together in your parenting.

And so the war began anew!

Your self-esteem has been seriously hurt, and your son's academic performance has not improved under his father's supervision. But you know what? That just means there's room for improvement! The battle over educational models continues, and there is never any peace at home.

But the great news is that no matter what kind of education method you use, you and your husband's starting point is the same: you want the child to do well!

If you can start from the same point, then there is definitely a possibility of working together!

You can make a difference! As an elementary school teacher, you have the knowledge and inner cultivation to help make the first adjustments in this area and see if you can break the vicious cycle.

It's time for a change! Let's switch up the way we approach things. Instead of focusing on criticism and negation, let's shift our perspective to suggestion and affirmation. Every day, we can give our husbands positive reinforcement for their efforts in raising our children. It doesn't matter if it's something big or small, as long as it aligns with our wishes or genuinely benefits the children. Now, let's turn to the areas where we feel our husbands could improve. Instead of jumping straight into criticism, let's try offering suggestions. This could be a game-changer! For instance:

"Honey, I know you care about your son, and I admire your dedication to making him change. However, it seems that beating him doesn't always have the desired effect. This time, let's try a different approach! For example, let's try to understand what considerations are behind his actions. As parents, we have the amazing opportunity to help him, so that he doesn't go further and further astray."

A short temper doesn't provide fuel and oxygen, so there's a great chance to communicate in a relatively calm environment!

Second, the son's poor academic performance and the poor parent-child relationship are phenomena that have accumulated over time. And there's a wonderful reminder behind the phenomenon!

Just as when someone is sick, they often use various symptoms to remind them to pay attention to their health and make corresponding adjustments—and they get better!

As students, it's almost natural to expect good grades and to want to be close to their parents. But now that the child is not doing well in school and the parent-child relationship is not good, it's time to look at things from a different perspective. Just as you wouldn't blame your head and brain for being disappointing when you have a headache or fever, you can't blame your child for not doing well in school or having a difficult relationship with you. You often go to the doctor when you're feeling under the weather and remember if you have been overworked recently, causing your head and brain to overload.

Children are incredible! They act as a compass for the family atmosphere, guiding parents to focus on the family's inner world.

Today, couples have the opportunity to improve their relationships, husbands have the chance to treat their children with more love and respect, and mothers have the potential to overcome their negative feelings and embrace their ability to nurture and guide their children. These changes will free the children from the invisible shackles of unresolved family issues.

Once the couple relationship is adjusted, the child's sense of self-improvement will also come into play in a harmonious family atmosphere. The good news is that adjustment is a process that can be achieved with time and effort. It is the beginning of hope!

I really hope the above sharing can bring you tons of inspiration!

I am a psychologist who doesn't explore human nature, but I absolutely love and care for the human heart! Bless you!

Hello. I hope my answer helps.

You feel uncomfortable and like your values are being destroyed. You've tried to change things, but nothing has changed. Do you want to change your husband and son, or yourself? Psychology says that whoever is suffering needs to change.

If someone doesn't want to change, it's hard to change them. Look at what you can change to make a difference in your relationship and to make your heart more peaceful.

My advice is:

Accept yourself, your husband, and your son.

We are afraid of losing face because we are not accepting ourselves. We have not yet accepted our shortcomings because this takes courage. Once we have done this, we can understand and see the real, complete, imperfect self. We are willing to accept and acknowledge our imperfections and flaws. As your acceptance of yourself increases, your inner being will become more and more harmonious. When others look down upon you, you will not care because you have already accepted yourself. The influence of external acceptance and respect on you will not be so great.

It's not easy to accept yourself. You need to practice and learn. Here are two books I recommend: "Rebuilding Your Life" and "Accepting Your Imperfect Self." These books have exercises to help you accept yourself and gain inner strength. I have also written an article about self-acceptance.

We need to accept ourselves and our husbands and children because we are all imperfect. What we think is wrong may be the best choice for them. We can't change or control other people's thoughts or actions.

There are three things in the world: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. When we worry about the affairs of heaven and other people's affairs and don't control our own, we will be troubled.

Our husbands and children think and act on their own. We can't change that, but we can change how we react to it. When we change, our relationships change. When our relationships improve, we can influence our children more. So, we need to change ourselves, adjust our expectations, and express our expectations and needs objectively and gently.

2. Learn to communicate well, express your needs and feelings without blame, and listen to others so you can work together.

Communication is about more than just talking. It's also about connecting with the other person emotionally. If we communicate in a critical manner, the other person will not want to listen.

We need each other's respect.

To communicate better, focus on two things. First, choose to communicate when you're both in a good mood. Second, communicate without judgment or blame. Instead, state facts, express feelings and needs, and listen.

This kind of communication helps your relationship, helps you understand each other better, and helps you grow through conflicts.

If your husband disrespects you, calm down first. Then, tell him how you feel. Say, "I feel sad, angry, and disrespected when you say that." Ask him to respect you, support you, and understand you. You might find that he didn't disrespect you. You have different ideas of respect. He also has needs that you can meet.

When you communicate this way, you won't argue over superficial issues. You'll see each other's deeper needs and feelings, make adjustments, and have a more harmonious relationship. This applies to your son too. Children in adolescence need respect and understanding. This helps you establish a good relationship with them and influence them positively.

3. Release your emotions, change your mindset, and adjust your perception.

You feel like you have a lot of emotions inside, but you don't know how to release them. Maybe you can't find someone to talk to. I hug you and hope you feel some warmth and support. Asking a question here is a good start. It's the beginning of change and healing. Talking about it is also a way to release emotions. You can also go to the groups and chat rooms on our platform to talk about it. The more you talk about it, the easier it will be for you.

You can also release your emotions in other ways:

Changing how you see things can make you feel better. If a child does badly in their studies in the second year of junior high school, it doesn't mean they'll fail to get into a good school. And if they fail to get into a good school in high school, it doesn't mean they won't go to university.

When evaluating a child, we should consider more than just learning. We should also look for other bright spots and have confidence in our children.

If you have confidence in him, he can believe in himself more. Learn about the "ABC" theory of emotions. Adjust your emotions by adjusting your perceptions. Have more positive feelings and expectations for life, for your children, for your family, and for yourself.

2. Exercise and relax your body and mind.

3. Write all your feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just write.

3. Write down your feelings and thoughts. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just write.

4. Punch pillows and sandbags to release your anger.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions: in a room, place an empty chair, and then express yourself to it.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. Place an empty chair in a room and assume the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair.

For reference. Best regards!

Good day, question asker.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of internal conflict and contradiction. I commend you for your courage in articulating your innermost thoughts and emotions.

It is a common experience to have concerns and confusion in life. However, if these concerns persist and become a source of distress, they can lead to feelings of suffocation and the development of other emotions. This is a normal process.

It is of the utmost importance that you have become aware of the distress caused by these emotions. I would then like to ask you, or rather invite you, to examine what kind of family environment you expect. Furthermore, I would like to inquire as to what kind of husband you expect.

What is the nature of the relationship between the subject and their children?

What actions have you taken to ensure that your expectations are met by your family members? If your expectations are met, will your life undergo a significant transformation?

It is important to note that the confusion you are experiencing with regard to life, marriage, and parent-child relationships is a sentiment that is commonly shared by many families.

There is a saying in psychology that "he who suffers changes." Your decision to seek help is an indication that you are ready to confront and change the way you think and act.

In psychology, there is a concept that one cannot alter the behavior of others or request that they act in a specific manner. Instead, it is more effective to influence others through one's own actions and meet their expectations, which will then lead to the fulfillment of one's desires.

Naturally, I am aware of the fundamental principles, and it is undoubtedly challenging to operationalize them in practice. Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize this challenge and then delineate the desired family environment and atmosphere.

It is essential to determine the type of parent-child relationship you desire and the lifestyle you aspire to lead. Only when these objectives have been clearly defined can you begin to take steps towards achieving them.

Additionally, there is a well-known psychological principle that asserts, "You are the expert in solving your own problems." This begs the question: What about me?

The following tips are offered as a means of assisting the reader in dealing with the aforementioned negative emotions.

First, one must adjust one's mindset, become more aware, and clarify.

I was particularly inspired by this when I was listening to some psychology lectures. Regardless of one's circumstances, it is essential to consider the type of child one is raising.

In the face of any difficulties, it is essential to remain calm and to prioritize the well-being of one's family and children. To achieve this, it is necessary to adjust one's mentality, reducing feelings of anxiety and impatience. This shift cannot be accomplished through mere discussion; it necessitates a combination of introspection and perception.

It is therefore necessary to become more aware of the reasons behind the discomfort experienced in relation to one's husband and children. In addition to this discomfort, it is important to identify the expectations held by the individual in question. The question must be asked as to why these expectations are placed on other people.

One might inquire as to why expectations are not placed solely on the individual in question. What, then, is the underlying motivation behind these expectations?

Once the pedicure is complete, it is possible to identify one's desired outcome. This may entail considering the characteristics of an ideal spouse and the qualities one would like to see in their children. It is also important to understand the steps required to achieve these desired outcomes.

One may adjust one's mindset through various means, including meditation, self-hypnosis, deep breathing, and other relaxation techniques. These methods can help individuals become more aware of their emotions and thoughts, allowing for a clearer understanding of their needs and desires.

Furthermore, it is essential to develop effective communication skills.

I am aware that when I suggest effective communication, you may be inclined to believe that I am merely telling them, rather than facilitating a genuine exchange. I would therefore like to inquire whether you have genuinely attempted to engage in dialogue with them. Have you genuinely attempted to articulate your needs to them in a manner that is not perceived as obstinate?

It would be beneficial to consider the circumstances surrounding the initial stages of your marriage and the formation of your family. To what extent were you able to establish a close relationship with your children at the time of their birth?

What are the underlying causes of your discomfort with the process of maturation? Is it a result of your tendency to impose demands and exert control?

In terms of communication patterns with one's spouse and children, it is beneficial to be more aware and to explore these patterns further. During my studies in youth work, I was taught that hypnosis is derived from and utilized in everyday life. How, then, can one communicate effectively? One can, for instance, choose to be cute or to solicit their opinions first.

Communication is not merely the expression of one's own demands; it is also the active listening to the demands of others and the subsequent negotiation of a mutually acceptable compromise.

Furthermore, it is beneficial to observe the merits of family members more frequently.

It is important to recognize that everyone in life is unique and possesses a set of inherent strengths and weaknesses. When we focus on an individual's weaknesses, it can lead to feelings of discomfort and even shame. However, when we shift our attention to their strengths, it can have a positive effect on our own well-being and that of the other person. By accentuating the positive attributes of others, we can foster a more constructive and harmonious relationship.

Secondly, it is important to learn to accept the status quo.

Every individual is unique and imperfect. It is essential to accept our spouses' emotional states and behaviors, and to allow our children to develop at their own pace. This enables them to accept their family, and they will only become more tranquil when they accept this trait. When we cease striving for perfection, our families' husbands and children will flourish. If we do not accept the status quo, we will experience emotional distress, discomfort, and dissatisfaction with our spouses. Additionally, our children will face challenges in learning and development. By pushing them away, we risk creating a distance that is difficult to bridge. The current situation does not imply giving up on oneself or ignoring it. Instead, it calls for a gentle approach. As previously stated, we should allow our children to become who they aspire to be, and in doing so, we can fulfill their expectations, which will, in turn, fulfill our own desires.

Subsequently, it is imperative to cultivate the ability to disengage from negative emotions.

It is evident that upon your arrival to this location with the intention of composing written material, you were imbued with a plethora of intense emotions, including anger, conflict, and a profound longing for assistance or resolution. These sentiments have been persistently present within your heart, causing you distress. Therefore, it is imperative that you cease your current course of action and instead direct your attention towards introspection. This entails a period of quiet reflection, during which you may embrace yourself, express compassion towards yourself, and release these emotions. You may choose to embrace yourself and reassure yourself with the understanding that you have been wronged and are experiencing fatigue. It is understandable that you aspire to improve the familial dynamic, yet it is crucial to recognize that the most effective approach may not always align with your immediate desires. Allowing yourself the space to express your emotions in a constructive manner, whether through self-directed verbalization or through the utilization of written exercises such as journaling, can facilitate a sense of emotional catharsis. This process of emotional release is essential for achieving a state of emotional equilibrium and tranquility. It is only through this state of emotional calm that you will be able to effectively engage with the familial dynamic in a constructive and peaceful manner. As previously stated, when you are in a state of emotional stability and tranquility, the familial dynamic will also reflect this equilibrium.

It is also recommended to seek external resources.

If the familial atmosphere today is causing you distress and you are unable to resolve it independently, it may be beneficial to seek the assistance of a professional counselor. These individuals can assist you in becoming aware of the underlying causes of your distress and conflict. Only through this process can you gain insight into the origins of your anger. Once these roots have been identified, the counselor can help you create a peaceful and inclusive environment where you can flourish. This environment will allow you to recognize your own needs and those of your husband and children. By doing so, you may find that your family life becomes more harmonious.

It is also possible to pursue further studies in psychology, to gain knowledge about family education, to learn hypnosis, to concentrate on cognitive learning, to attend public lectures on psychology, or to follow psychology-related public accounts. All of these options will undoubtedly prove beneficial.

Ultimately, it is evident that you are experiencing significant distress and a sense of injustice. It is also clear that your actions are driven by a desire to protect and serve the interests of your family. However, it is important to recognize that when we adopt a confrontational stance, it can lead to a widening of the emotional distance between us and those around us, including family members. To foster closer connections, it is essential to learn to communicate in a more positive and constructive manner. From a psychological perspective, it is crucial to utilize positive thoughts and emotions to avoid engaging with him in a way that perpetuates negative patterns. These patterns, which are deeply ingrained in our interactions with family members, can be likened to a form of hypnosis. By consistently labeling him as "bad," we are essentially reinforcing his negative behavior. This is why he continues to assert his negative character traits. Similarly, when we praise him, we are essentially reinforcing his positive traits. This is why he continues to claim that he is good.

It is imperative to cultivate a mindset that fosters positive self-talk and to employ such techniques when interacting with family members. By doing so, one can begin to recognize the strengths and virtues of these individuals, which will, in turn, contribute to a more tranquil environment.

Greetings, questioner. My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude for your willingness to seek assistance and share your concerns with us. You have inquired as to the appropriate course of action in the event that one is a middle-aged educator with a suboptimal relationship with their son and partner, in addition to experiencing a significant psychological impairment.

In light of the aforementioned issues, it is evident that you may face challenges in effectively navigating familial matters. Let us now delve into the underlying causes of your psychological imbalance and explore potential avenues for resolution.

1. The actual self

From your description, I have formed several impressions.

1. I am unable to tolerate

The subject displays a strong aversion to the object of the sentence, namely the husband.

You state that your husband has a short temper and that there are personality traits that are problematic for you. Furthermore, you indicate that he is unable to accept your criticism and negation of him.

There have been numerous disagreements regarding the education of our children. Despite my status as an elementary school teacher and the fact that I possess a wealth of knowledge and expertise in this field, my opinions have been met with resistance and a lack of receptivity.

This has resulted in a multitude of complications.

You disapprove of your husband's habits and ways of acting, and thus frequently criticize and disapprove of him.

The subject displays a strong aversion to her son.

You state, "I harbor negative sentiments toward my son. He is experiencing academic challenges during his second year of junior high school, and the quality of our relationship is unsatisfactory."

Subsequently, I assumed the role of an elementary school teacher at this institution. This has resulted in a sense of personal embarrassment and disgrace.

Furthermore, I am concerned that my colleagues may be laughing at me and looking down on me. I am uncertain about my future prospects.

Given that he was unable to gain admission to a leading secondary school and that the full range of potential post-secondary pathways remain unclear,

The mother is unable to accept her son's lack of effort in his studies, despite his poor academic performance, viewing it as a personal failure. As a teacher, she believes that those who are unable to manage their children will be subjected to ridicule and disapproval from others.

Consequently, you harbor negative sentiments toward your son.

2. Change others

One possible solution would be to attempt to modify one's husband's behavior.

You stated that your husband's disciplinary approach, which includes physical violence and verbal abuse, has a detrimental impact on the child's self-esteem.

This has been the case since elementary school, and despite numerous attempts at persuasion, my efforts have been futile. This is the primary reason for my negative sentiment towards him.

You have indicated that your husband's approach to child-rearing is problematic. Specifically, you have described him as rude and have stated that he hits and scolds his children, which you believe is detrimental to their self-respect. Despite your efforts to persuade him, you have not succeeded. Consequently, you have expressed a desire to alter your husband's behavior, and if he does not change, you have indicated that you hate him.

It would be advisable to consider modifying your son's behaviour.

You indicate that you have attempted numerous strategies to facilitate change in him, yet have been unsuccessful.

Furthermore, you express a desire to alter your son's behavior, encouraging him to exert greater effort and achieve improved academic performance. However, you acknowledge the difficulty in effecting this change.

3⃣️, hate them

It is recommended that you hate your husband.

You stated that when he became angry, he pushed you and cursed at you, demonstrating a lack of respect and causing significant distress to your self-esteem.

Your husband not only fails to heed your advice, but he also resorts to physical violence, displays a lack of respect, and causes you emotional distress. As a result, you harbor negative feelings towards him.

The subject expressed hatred for their son.

You state that you are currently experiencing a significant mental health crisis, during which you frequently engage in fantasies of killing them.

The subject reports feelings of fatigue, discontent, and a sense of being adrift. They exhibit emotional volatility and may be on the cusp of a psychotic episode, driven by a desire to inflict harm on the object of their hatred.

2. Causes of Psychological Imbalance

1⃣️, due to personality

After reviewing the provided description, it is this writer's opinion that the root cause of the psychological imbalance in question is related to the subject's personality. It is suspected that the individual in question exhibits characteristics associated with an accusatory, controlling, and aggressive personality type.

The "blaming type"

The blaming type often exhibits a disregard for others, engages in attacks and criticism, and ascribes blame to others. The language they utilize frequently includes phrases such as "It's all your fault" and "What's wrong with you?"

In terms of their inner experience, the "blame type" will engage in constant harassment and accusation of others or the environment in order to protect themselves. The act of blaming implies a lack of respect for others, and the act of comparing one's situation and feelings indicates a lack of consideration for the feelings of others.

Those who exhibit controlling behaviors

A controlling person desires respect, a willingness to listen to their opinions, and the absence of independent thinking in others. When these expectations are not met, the controlling person may become enraged.

Individuals with a radical personality

A radical personality is characterized by the following attributes:

The individual in question displays the following characteristics: a strong will, an inclination towards action, a high level of energy, and a focus on achieving goals.

The individual in question displays the following strengths: courageous and decisive actions, perseverance, an ability to face challenges without fear, and a high level of self-discipline.

The disadvantages of this personality type include a tendency towards short-temperedness, a lack of empathy, stubbornness, arrogance, and complacency.

Those who are accusatory and aggressive are driven by a desire to exert control over others to achieve their desired outcomes. This behavior reflects an underlying insecurity, which manifests as a need to prove their rightness and sense of value through control.

In the event that others do not act in accordance with one's expectations, a sense of unease and disorientation may ensue, accompanied by a perception that one is devalued and the meaning of one's existence is called into question. This can potentially give rise to a state of psychological imbalance.

2. The Influence of the Original Family

The situation within the original family unit

Although the situation in the subject's own family was not described, the subject's tendency to complain and blame her husband and son for problems and mistakes suggests that the communication style in her family was dominated by blaming. Her parents were also very demanding and often blamed and criticized her. She has become accustomed to this way of life and has brought it into her new family, making it her communication style with her husband and son. She rarely pays attention to their feelings.

The formation of a new family unit

Your husband hails from a disparate family unit, adheres to a distinct set of habits and beliefs, and is not inclined to heed your input. Consequently, your new family dynamic is characterized by a multitude of discordant voices.

Furthermore, the son in question also possesses a distinct personality. He has become inured to the typical subjects of contention and is no longer affected by the same tactics that previously proved efficacious.

This indicates that your methodology for educating children is inappropriate.

3⃣️, Ineffective Communication

As previously stated, your perspective is limited to your own feelings, with minimal consideration given to the thoughts and feelings of your husband and children, as well as the motives behind their actions. This leads to the perception that communication is ineffective.

In other words, ineffective communication patterns are employed, which are demonstrably ineffective. As a result, a sense of confusion and failure is pervasive.

4. Caring about what others think

This results in feelings of hatred towards one's child, not as a result of the child's academic performance, but due to a preoccupation with the opinions and perceptions of others. The child's poor academic achievements are perceived as a source of shame, however, the underlying issue is a sense of self-respect being eroded in the presence of colleagues.

Consequently, feelings of anxiety and resentment emerge, which result in a loss of face. This leads to a sense of mental imbalance.

5. It is an inherent human desire to avoid being changed.

In a communication seminar, Taiwan's renowned debate expert, Professor Huang Zhizhong, posited that individuals are reluctant to undergo change because it implies a recognition of their own shortcomings.

Any disagreeable interactions between you and your husband are caused by your conviction that he is incorrect and your aspiration to alter his behavior, whereas he is reluctant to acknowledge his missteps, which results in discord. The same phenomenon occurs with children.

3. Personal transformation

To achieve mental balance, it is essential to undertake a number of key actions.

1. Accept reality

It is imperative to accept your husband.

The newly formed family unit comprises two families, each with its own unique characteristics. Each individual brings with them the values, perspectives, and attitudes shaped by their original family and their personal outlook on life. It is challenging to force one party to change their stance. Instead, a harmonious family requires mutual understanding, integration, and acceptance.

Accepting one's spouse's approach to problem-solving does not imply endorsement of their methods; rather, it entails acknowledging their preferred techniques. It is crucial to refrain from admonishing their conduct with verbal condemnation.

The necessity of accepting children

The current situation with regard to children's learning must be accepted. It is important to note that until a learning method that is suitable for the child in question is identified, it is inadvisable to encourage the child to engage in activities that exceed their abilities. Attempting to do so is likely to have a negative effect.

The significance of accepting reality

Furthermore, one must accept the behavior of one's husband and son, cease dwelling on the question of who is right and who is wrong, and instead focus on improving family relationships and finding ways to help one's children with their studies. As a result, anxiety will naturally decrease, and hatred will disappear.

2. Effective Communication

The use of blaming and criticizing as communication methods with one's husband and son proved ineffective in achieving desired results. Therefore, when communicating within the family, it is essential to learn effective communication methods to achieve desired outcomes.

The term "effective communication" is used to describe a process whereby a communicator conveys a message to a communication partner with the expectation of a desired response. This process encompasses both verbal and non-verbal elements, with the latter often being of greater importance. Effective communication plays a crucial role in fostering positive relationships and navigating complex social interactions.

Communication can be defined as the exchange of information between two or more individuals, with the expectation of a desired response. If this process is achieved, effective communication can be considered complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages comprise communication, with the non-verbal element often being of greater consequence than the verbal. Effective communication is of paramount importance in the context of close relationships and complex social interactions.

The following steps are recommended for effective communication:

Effective communication can be broken down into four distinct steps.

The initial step is to express one's feelings, rather than emotions.

Step 2: Articulate your desired outcome, not your aversion to it. Express your displeasure, not the act of expressing it.

Step 3: Articulate your requirements, not merely register your grievances; do not permit the other party to conjecture your intentions.

Step 4: Rather than expressing dissatisfaction with the current situation, articulate the desired outcome. Instead of focusing on the immediate circumstances, consider the ultimate objective.

Effective communication within the family unit is conducive to the establishment of a positive and intimate relationship, as well as the achievement of desired outcomes.

3⃣️, provide assistance to your child

It is evident that the child is experiencing difficulties in their academic pursuits. Attributing these issues to the child alone is an ineffective approach to addressing them. It is imperative to assist the child in identifying the underlying causes of their difficulties and devising a solution to overcome them.

The child's suboptimal academic performance can be attributed to two primary factors: an inappropriate learning methodology and an excessive level of parental pressure. This excessive pressure can overwhelm the child's cognitive abilities, impairing their ability to think normally. Consequently, it is imperative for parents to alleviate the child's burden and eliminate the psychological impediment of worrying about being scolded by parents. This will enable the child to focus on their studies with greater ease.

Fourthly, it is necessary to undergo a change of one's own self.

One should not concern oneself with the opinions of others.

One must allow oneself to cease concerning oneself with the opinions of others. It is imperative to acknowledge that the words and actions of others are of no consequence to oneself.

The positive and negative characteristics of my child are of primary concern to me and not to anyone else.

It is imperative to instill a sense of confidence and trust in one's children.

It is imperative to recognize that, at the core of one's being, one's child is inherently the best. Regardless of academic performance, it is crucial to maintain the belief that the child has exerted their utmost effort, and thus, they are the best.

It is reasonable to believe that he will continue to improve.

It is important to focus on the positive aspects and the progress that has been made.

It is beneficial to shift one's focus from solely identifying shortcomings in one's spouse and children to recognizing their strengths and incremental progress. By regularly summarizing their three strengths, one can uncover previously unnoticed positive attributes. Providing genuine encouragement and praise to one's children or spouse can also lead to a greater sense of well-being and positive outcomes.

The expression of love

It is imperative to recognize that all individuals require love and affection, including one's spouse and children. Accusations and criticism, in essence, represent a manifestation of hatred. It is, therefore, understandable that no individual desires to be surrounded by hatred on a daily basis.

Consequently, the maintenance of familial harmony necessitates the expression of love, particularly if one has become accustomed to expressing hatred.

The five languages of love

It is evident that the concept of love is interpreted in a multitude of ways, and the manner in which it is expressed and received varies considerably from one individual to another. Dr. Gary Chapman has proposed a framework that categorizes the ways in which people express and receive love into five distinct "languages of love": "affirming words," "quality time," "exchange of gifts," "acts of service," and "physical touch."

The five languages of love Details

Affirming words are a crucial aspect of maintaining harmonious relationships.

Regardless of the relationship in question, whether it be between friends, colleagues, lovers, or a couple, the provision of praise and affirmation, coupled with a greater degree of positive feedback, is essential for the strengthening of the bond.

Moments of attention are also important.

Special moments are occasions that are conducive to the formation of memories and the creation of a sense of togetherness. These may include shared experiences such as a candlelit dinner or an activity that is meaningful to both parties. During such moments, it is important to give one's full attention to the other person.

It is important to accept gifts graciously.

The exchange of gifts on significant occasions is a ritualistic act that serves to strengthen the bond between two individuals. The gift itself, along with the ritualistic aspect of the exchange, acts as a unifying force in the relationship.

Service actions

In essence, one should endeavor to fulfill the desires of others and to bring joy to them through acts of service. Such actions are frequently of a minor nature.

The term "physical contact" encompasses a range of behaviors involving direct or indirect bodily contact between individuals.

The act of holding hands, hugging, and engaging in other forms of physical contact can serve to enhance the level of affection between individuals, thereby manifesting love and functioning as a silent language of love.

Following the implementation of the five languages of love by numerous families, a notable enhancement in family intimacy, spousal harmony, parent-child concord, and children's mental outlook has been observed. Additionally, there has been a discernible improvement in academic performance.

An enhanced intimate relationship with one's spouse can facilitate their assistance in the joint upbringing of children, enabling them to become the individuals their parents hope they will become and the individuals they are willing to become.

In conclusion, initiating change begins with oneself, and the impact is significantly greater than attempting to alter others. To achieve unexpected outcomes, it is essential to accept reality, utilize effective communication with one's spouse and children, facilitate their growth, disregard external opinions, embrace one's authentic self, and undergo personal transformation.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that the original poster will experience a profound sense of happiness and joy.

Hello,

I'm Kelly Shui, a heart detective.

After reading your questions, I feel really sorry for you.

I appreciate your courage in sharing your feelings with us. I believe you may have been repressing a lot of resentment and anger. Once again, I hug you across the screen.

You said that you feel like both of them are destroying something you value a lot.

You mentioned that you hate them for destroying your self-esteem, which is your biggest asset.

And the son has let you down?

What's behind the hatred? It's your love and expectations for them. We have expectations, so we have disappointments and feelings of hatred.

If it's okay with you, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Can you tell me how you and your husband met?

He's got a short fuse. When did you first notice that there was something wrong with his personality?

Is it because he can't accept your criticism and disapproval?

Let's take a look at why your husband is so quick to anger.

[Behind the easy anger]

I studied family therapy, and I would go back through these things to see how he grew up. For example, was this angry person also hurt in this way as a child?

It seems that he has a hard time accepting criticism and rejection. This might be because he was criticized and rejected too much when he was young, and he now rejects it instinctively.

I'm wondering if the environment in which he grew up was a family where the parents had violent tempers?

1: It's important to recognize the significant impact of environmental factors and the tendency for certain family styles and temperaments to be passed down from generation to generation.

There's a term in psychology called intergenerational transmission.

If a child grows up seeing their parents argue a lot, they'll probably end up with a similar temperament.

And in a family where parents yell at their kids all the time, he'll have picked up that kind of behavior from an early age. He'll think it's normal and will use it to solve problems with violence in the future. He'll lose his temper when he's unhappy or dissatisfied.

Let me give you an example from my own experience.

We often hear about this kind of experience from those around us or from ourselves. For example, when I was a child, I especially hated my parents' bad temper, and I felt that this was destroying the child. As I grew up, I made a secret promise that I would never become like my parents.

But after I got married, I realized that I was controlling my husband in the same way my mother controlled my father.

I have a short fuse and sometimes raise my voice with my daughter, but it's only happened a few times. During my marriage, there was a period when I was feeling pretty desperate. I felt like I'd become the person I hated, a carbon copy of my parents.

I originally thought this was just fate. Jung said it's actually our subconscious mind that controls us.

I saw you mention that his family abused him—beating him and scolding him.

It can really affect a child's self-esteem.

If he's never had the chance to develop self-esteem, he'll find it difficult to empathise with others.

If you look at the big picture, do you see him in this state, beating and scolding his child, as the person he once was?

What kind of experience can you expect?

You mentioned that when he gets angry, he pushes you, yells at you, shows you no respect, and hurts your self-esteem badly.

These few sentences show that he's acting like a child in the marriage. It sounds like he's being rebellious.

Maybe in your relationship, he's finally been able to release some of the pent-up emotions he'd been holding on to. Of course, that's just my take on it. Let's go and see him, just as you would with your students. You'll get a better understanding of why he lashes out like that.

How would you go about communicating with him?

2: Let's keep assuming that this family doesn't show much concern for their children.

Let's keep visiting your husband. It's likely that he has a bad temper, loses his cool easily, and even hits people because he didn't get enough care and attention from his parents when he was young.

There's a lot of criticism and belittling.

The more angry someone is, the less secure they feel, the more afraid and anxious they are, and the more vulnerable they become.

But on the surface, he has to put on a strong front.

So they often lose their cool and lash out to hide their inner feelings of incompetence and helplessness, trying to prove that they are awesome.

It's just a childish way of seeking attention.

Let's look at your husband this way. You could talk to him about his childhood and how he got along with his parents.

I'm really concerned about your son. In a family like that, can he study with peace of mind?

Any bad habits are formed over time.

Parents who love their kids are thinking ahead and want to avoid future problems. They need to pay more attention when their kids are young. Parents are teachers, so what kind of teacher do you want to be? What gift do you give your kids through your words and actions? I studied psychology and gained a deep understanding. I must break the intergenerational transmission and eliminate the dross.

We still need to focus more on family education.

I'd also suggest reading "Why Families Become Ill" as it's a great way to understand how parents and children influence each other.

My son's grades are not so good at the moment.

As we said, if the parents are emotionally unstable, the child will worry about them a lot. He's not doing well in his studies in the second year of junior high, so he'll be very worried about you, won't he?

Or does your relationship with your husband affect him too?

How will this affect his studies?

It's also important to repair the relationship between your husband and you. If you set a good example for your child, it might help him to concentrate on his studies.

1: Let's try to avoid family fights.

2: Learn to love your family. Home is a place for love, and while quarrels and fights are bound to happen, there's a lot of love behind the hatred.

3: If you really "hate" someone, it's better to let it go, stop arguing, and calm down. What are the benefits of past arguments?

Did it actually solve the problem?

4: If you're dealing with similar issues at home, what would you do to help? What would you say to make me feel better?

5: You're an elementary school teacher.

The kids' grades and your work, or more specifically, the fact that Jenny is looking bad.

You might even think your colleagues are laughing at you and looking down on you.

You can also assume:

1: Do you focus on other people's families or your own?

2: Are we focusing on helping our child succeed because we want to, or because we think it'll make us look good? Or is our child there to help us fulfill our own needs?

3: Is the child an independent individual?

4: Have we ever had some unfulfilled regrets ourselves?

I want to use my son to achieve this!

If he doesn't get into a good school, what other interests does he have?

If a junior high school student's parents are focused on helping him get through this important exam,

What would you do in that situation?

5: These days, a lot of kids are pretty confused when they get into college because they want to do what their parents want. It's also important for us to help our kids find a major they like and a dream they're passionate about.

I'd like to share my experience with you.

At the time, I was also worried and thought my husband wasn't cooperating with me. It was also the year my daughter was in the second year of junior high school, and I was worried that she wouldn't be able to get into a good high school, let alone a university. I didn't know what other options she had.

I was especially anxious.

1: I decided to stop arguing with my husband.

2: I realized that my emotions were driven by worry and anxiety.

3: I didn't pay enough attention to my child's mental health.

4: I apologized to my child and encouraged him to study hard. That year, I started praising my child every day and affirming him. A confident child is encouraged by their parents.

5: It's not too late in the second year of junior high school. Boys have high IQs, so let your child create his own study plan and discuss his understanding and goals.

6: The family is united and focused on the son.

7: You might want to consider speaking with a counselor to help protect your body.

I'm really concerned about you. It seems like you're struggling with some serious psychological issues, and you often find yourself thinking about ways to kill the two of them.

When you're angry, it's okay to let yourself feel that way. Accept your anger and emotions, and then seek professional help to explore yourself. You're also under a lot of pressure as a teacher, so I hug you and thank you for your hard work. It's important to love yourself first.

I believe that if you grow, your family will change too. After all, the mood of a wife and mother is very important.

We're all just ordinary people, with our own ups and downs. And bottling things up isn't good for our health. So let's start by looking after ourselves.

Treat yourself with the same love and respect you would give to anyone else.

Happy birthday!

I just wanted to say that I love you, and I think the world loves you too.

Hello, question asker! You inquired about the challenges you're facing as a middle-aged teacher with a strained relationship with a loved one and a son.

I would like to begin by offering my sincere gratitude for your willingness to engage in this process and for your courage in seeking answers and solutions. Let us now turn our attention to your questions.

You say you are low on energy and that you have some negative feelings towards your son and husband. Could you please elaborate on these feelings?

It seems that you feel that both of them are destroying what you hold dear.

1. Your husband tends to be quite short-tempered and has some personality traits that are challenging for you. It seems that he has a hard time accepting criticism and disapproval from you. You have had a few disagreements over the education of the children.

As an elementary school teacher, you have many valuable insights to offer, yet your opinions are not always heard. This has unfortunately led to some challenges.

And he has been known to engage in some rather regrettable behavior with his son. It's a shame that the boy has not yet developed the self-esteem he deserves.

It has been this way since elementary school, and despite your best efforts, you have been unable to persuade him.

This is why you feel so strongly about him.

And when he becomes upset, he may push you, swear at you, treat you disrespectfully, and negatively impact your self-esteem.

2. It might be helpful to consider that your son is facing some challenges in his studies in the second year of junior high school, and that the parent-child relationship could benefit from some attention. It's also important to note that you're currently working as an elementary school teacher in this school.

This may result in a sense of embarrassment. You may also feel that your colleagues are laughing at you, which could lead to feelings of self-reproach.

The future is uncertain. Given their current circumstances, it may be challenging for them to gain admission to a leading high school or university. Additionally, they may be uncertain about the other options available to them.

That is why I am particularly concerned.

I have tried a number of different approaches to effecting change, but I have not yet found a solution that works for me.

I must admit that I am now seriously mentally unbalanced. I often imagine in my mind how to kill them both.

You are a good teacher who cares deeply about your family and is committed to supporting them.

From what you've shared in your question, it seems like you have high expectations of your husband and children. It's possible that these expectations might seem a bit too high to them, which could be why you feel like your husband and children are going in the opposite direction of what you expect.

It's possible that you may feel you're treating them like your own students, setting high standards and strict requirements. If you can meet the requirements you set, they may feel a sense of accomplishment. If you can't meet the requirements, they may feel frustrated.

Such frustration can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-reproach. To avoid these negative emotions, people often develop self-defense mechanisms. One common approach is to either give up or do the opposite of what is asked.

This may indicate that it is not my inability to do so, but rather your expectations that are unreasonable. Once this atmosphere of counterproductive force is established, it may also reach a balance over time, which could potentially lead to a vicious cycle.

From what you've shared, it seems like you have a deep love for your husband and child. It's natural to want the best for them, and when there's a difference of opinion, it can be challenging to navigate. To shift the dynamic, it might be helpful to consider breaking the pattern and creating a new one together.

It can be challenging for people to hear bad news, but they often appreciate positive feedback.

You have mentioned that you have brought up your husband's issues with him, and it seems that you are correct. However, he does not seem to be receptive, particularly when it comes to educational matters. He is aware that you are an experienced elementary school teacher who has encountered a diverse range of students and possesses a deeper understanding of educational concepts and methods than he does. Nevertheless, he remains reluctant to listen to you. Could you please shed some light on why he is so unyielding?

Perhaps your husband's behavior reflects a certain aspect of human nature. It might be helpful to view him as one of the rebellious kids in your class. It's understandable that a child who is rebellious to a rebellious teacher might find it challenging to listen to what the teacher says.

I'm sure you can relate to this, given your background as a teacher.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that my answer is helpful to you. I am sending you my love and support!

Hello, question asker!

I'm excited to hear more about your situation!

I wish I could give you more advice on your current situation in just a short description of 400 words or so! I'm so excited to have a few words with you in my response to accompany you as you see more possibilities when you are worried and anxious about your current family relationships.

Family relationships are a beautiful tapestry of love and hate.

As a teacher who values her image and dignity, you may be surprised at how easy it is to come to the platform today to open your heart and speak frankly about your feelings. It may be that you really are very angry and need such an outlet to pour out your emotions. In the text, you use a lot of words to describe the things about your husband and son that make you angry and disappointed, so you hate them very much. You hate that they can't be a husband who shares your values and a son who gets good grades and brings you honor, as you had hoped. But you can!

Behind your hatred is the fact that you are still willing to be with them, hoping that they will get better and better and have a better future with you.

[It takes time to solve problems, but it'll be worth it in the end!]

It seems that your emotional anxiety level is very high right now, and the pain it causes you has made you feel that you can't take it anymore. Therefore, you mentioned that you have a somewhat frightening thought in your mind recently, which doesn't mean that you really hope your husband and son will disappear, but that you desperately hope the problem can be solved in an instant, and your pain can also disappear in an instant. However, the solution to the problem still takes time. You have tried many ways to change your middle-aged husband and your adolescent son before, but you haven't seen any obvious results. But, you can do this! You can change your husband and son. You can solve the problem. You can make your pain disappear. It will take time, but you can do it. You have tried many ways to change your middle-aged husband and your adolescent son before, but you haven't seen any obvious results.

So, now in addition to asking for help on the platform, you can also try to receive more professional help, such as family counseling or personal counseling. It's time to let go of the expectation of changing others and start by changing yourself to make yourself feel a little more comfortable!

[Prioritize replenishing your energy!]

As an elementary school teacher, you have the incredible opportunity to interact with dozens of energetic children every day! Coupled with the fact that you also get to worry about your child's studies when you get home, and there are conflicts with your husband over parenting styles, this is an amazing chance to flex your problem-solving muscles. When you feel physically and mentally exhausted, it's a great chance to recharge your batteries and come back to your family relationships feeling refreshed and ready to go! As you said, "my energy is currently very low," so before dealing with family relationships, you get to prioritize replenishing your own energy.

For example, a nutritious and delicious dinner, plenty of sleep, some exercise, some entertainment, and relaxation—it's all so simple! These things can make you less tense and more flexible in your interactions with your family.

I really hope the original poster will see all the amazing resources you have and treat yourself well!

It's totally normal for there to be conflict in every family and every relationship. Depending on how serious the situation is, the main psychological causes of marital conflict are:

First, we'll talk about differences of opinion.

It's so important to remember that two people from different families and with different upbringings and educations will have different values and views on the same event. For example, you may view the issue of educating your son differently: he may punish the child for not meeting his expectations with violence, while you may punish the child for not meeting your expectations with hatred.

It's so important to remember that both of these outcomes are really detrimental to children. We all want the best for our kids, and while education isn't the only thing that matters, it is a big part of it. A better education should inspire, guide, accompany, and protect.

Second, we can avoid responsibility.

The child didn't get the grades they wanted on the exam, and the father is feeling frustrated. When something happens, the first reaction of the couple is often to find out who is at fault, who is innocent, and who is responsible for the matter, which can also lead to conflict.

And finally, a lack of security.

The stability of a family is all about having a sense of security. And in a husband-and-wife relationship, if they truly believe that they will never be abandoned by each other, they can work through any conflicts or problems with love.

How do you handle these tricky situations? Do you try to avoid them altogether, get stuck in a rut, dwell on the past, or fight like cats and dogs? Or do you take a deep breath and calmly work through it together? There are four common ways to approach these challenges.

Method 1: Have a good, old-fashioned argument!

If both husband and wife are strong-willed and quick to point the finger of blame, they will often solve problems through arguments. It can feel like whoever shouts the loudest has the most reason, the most power, and the most rights, and that's okay!

Sadly, this often means that, no matter who wins, the harmony of the family is damaged.

Approach 2: Compromise.

There are two types of compromise: one party compromises, and the other type is when both parties compromise with each other. It might seem like compromise means giving up your own point of view, but it's really just a way of suppressing your own feelings of grievance and unhappiness.

These feelings can sometimes bubble over in other ways.

Approach 3: Avoidance.

It's so common for people to avoid problems in relationships because they're afraid of conflict. It can seem like everything is perfectly harmonious on the outside, but inside, there's often a growing gap. When we don't communicate or solve problems, it can really take a toll on our mental health.

Method 4: Problem solving.

A more harmonious family often comes up with solutions to deal with conflicts. For example, regarding the child's poor academic performance, the couple shares the responsibility and discusses how to give the child more love and support.

However, all four of these approaches can have an impact on relationships. So how can we turn conflicts into resources?

How can we make conflict work for us instead of against us?

First, remember that when you're in an intimate relationship, you're part of a community.

Second, it's really helpful to learn to distinguish between people and things.

Again, learn from each other and grow together, my friends!

And finally, self-examination and self-improvement!

If your relationship is good, your family education will be just fine, too! Do you want to change the status quo, or do you want to change yourself? How much are you willing to pay for change?

Take a moment to think about this question.

Hello! I'm glad to meet you. You are a responsible person who worries about your family.

I have a few things to say about your relationship with your son.

Junior high school students face a lot of pressure. Learning is gradual, and no one becomes an academic genius overnight. You're worried about your child's future, but you should relax and supervise his learning. (I'm a few years older than your son, and my mother supervised my studies. I was admitted to a key high school in the city.)

His grades aren't great, but I'm not self-motivated in my studies. My teachers and parents have helped me a lot, so I'm grateful. It's good to let him do exercise books to consolidate his knowledge.

I think a child's character and values are more important than academic performance.

Your relationship with your child is normal. Think about your relationship with your parents. Didn't you also have times when you didn't understand them?

Speak gently, show concern, let him confide in you, and show love.

Not many people will look down on you because of your son's grades. You need to be confident. As long as you value yourself, no one has the right to look down on you.

Do not do anything illegal or immoral.

I hope you stay healthy and happy.

Hello, dear question asker!

I've read your question and I'm here to help! A family of three should be very happy, but when children reach adolescence, there are really a lot of things to deal with: children's rebellion, which lasts until menopause, and menopause, not to mention the fact that you have a husband you consider to be violent. It's really not easy, so I give you a hug!

As a teacher, I'm always happy to help our kids learn and grow. But once they reach junior high, we can't control everything. If it were elementary school, we could still help them with their homework. But after that, they become little adults. This is totally normal! My colleague once told me that her son, who was in the third year of junior high, had a fight with her and pushed her to the ground.

I know kids can be a handful at this age, but I think we can get through this together. I know it's tough to ask, but I think we can all do our best to be a little more flexible when we're facing challenges. I believe that this will help us get through this difficult time.

I just wanted to ask you, is there anything about your husband that you can appreciate? My husband is also very hot-tempered, and it's always his fault. But she always blames it on you. I really can't stand it when she does that. It's the same with the kids. I keep telling her that they haven't grown up yet. They throw their things around the house, into the courtyard, and then out into the alley. There's really nothing you can do. You never know what kind of partner you'll meet.

I was also really upset at first, but then something touched my heart. It was when she really fought for her family with everything she had. She had also made so many sacrifices. So I thought, "The children are all grown up, so why don't you also think about whether there is anything you can appreciate about your husband?"

I think it's so important to remember that as long as our husbands and children are healthy and well, that is our greatest blessing. Especially in these times of the epidemic, it's so wonderful to be able to be happy together as a family, isn't it?

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been there myself, feeling that way and saying those same words. But here's the thing: we can change our minds and turn it around. Confucius said, "Don't look within yourself for answers." And it's the same with us. We have to change ourselves in order to do anything.

I know it's tough to change, but I truly believe that you, who are already in the trough, can't get any lower. Rising from this is growth. What you have seen is the worst, but we can add a little bit of brightness to this, and I truly believe it will be a different harvest.

I know it's tough, but I'm here to tell you to keep going! It's true that you can only grow when you face challenges head-on.

I just want you to know that I'm sending you so much love and light to help you crawl out of your pain! The world and I love you so much!

First and foremost, it is evident that you are facing significant challenges in your familial relationships, which is undoubtedly a difficult situation. It is my sincere hope that I can provide you with the necessary assistance to navigate these complexities.

1. You have indicated that your husband displays a proclivity for exhibiting a short temper, manifests personality issues, and has been observed engaging in acts of domestic violence against your son and even you. It is imperative to reiterate that domestic violence is unequivocally unacceptable. Individuals who are civilized and reside in a civilized society should refrain from raising their hands in a casual manner, particularly not against their family members. There are numerous alternative methods for resolving disputes.

I have one further query. Was your husband like this from the outset, or did he become like this at a later stage of his life? Did he encounter some form of pressure that he was unable to release, and as a result, he expressed his frustration and anger towards his family? Additionally, his behaviour towards his son suggests that he has high expectations of him, and that he has deeper expectations for the family unit.

2. You have indicated that you are displeased with your son due to his unsatisfactory academic performance, inability to gain admission to a prestigious educational institution, and lack of clarity regarding his future aspirations. Additionally, he is the subject of ridicule by his colleagues. It is, indeed, a natural parental concern to fret about the future of one's children.

However, it became evident that the source of your animosity towards your son stems from his being teased by his colleagues due to his poor academic performance. This has led to a sense of humiliation within your social interactions. It is crucial to recognise that the atmosphere of love within the family home is being undermined. Despite your son's actions, he remains a beloved child in your eyes.

It is also possible that the mother uses her son as a means of showing off her social connections. If this is the case, and if the mother is unable to do so, it is possible that she hates the son and rejects him in some small ways (perhaps unconsciously) in her interactions with him. Furthermore, if the son has already been subjected to domestic violence by his father, and then has to suffer the mental pressure from the mother, it could lead to his lack of self-confidence and even worse academic performance. Children are very sensitive, and if the mother uses her son as a means of showing off to society and rejects him, he will sense it, even if he does not know how to express it.

The subject displays an introverted and inferior behavioral pattern, accompanied by a lackluster academic performance. Some of his behaviors exhibit rebellious, destructive tendencies, and even violate established legal and moral standards.

Let us now return to the subject of your relationship with your husband and the wider family. You have consistently asserted that your methods of educating your son are appropriate and effective. However, your husband has demonstrated a tendency to disregard your input, frequently acting in opposition to your wishes and even resorting to actions that have caused you emotional distress and physical harm.

From my own experience of being a man in a marriage, I can attest to the fact that men are creatures who are very proud of their face. They would rather die than lose face. Furthermore, it is evident that men need women to give them face. Men are very vulnerable in the presence of the women they love. They hope to receive encouragement, support, and care from the women closest to them. This enables them to stimulate their male hormones. As a result, they are able to create more miracles in their careers. They also experience greater passion in their intimate relationships.

During childhood, a male child desires love and affection from his mother. Upon reaching adulthood and entering into a marital relationship, he seeks love and support from his wife. However, if the wife consistently asserts her authority and demands unquestioning compliance from her husband, it can have a detrimental impact on his fragile self-esteem. This can subsequently trigger a rebellious psychological response, even when he is aware of her correctness. Consequently, he may choose to defy her authority.

It is unfortunate that this is the nature of most men, or rather their psychological characteristics and needs.

From the description provided, it can be surmised that the expectation of obedience from the husband is a significant factor. Unfortunately, this kind of family interaction model is likely to result in adverse outcomes, potentially leading to a deterioration in the relationship.

In sum, my approach may have been somewhat direct and my perspective may not be perceived as agreeable. However, there is a saying in psychology that "Whoever is suffering will change." Given that you are experiencing distress, you are acutely aware of the gravity of the situation and have identified it as a priority. This suggests that it may be more effective to initiate change from within your own actions and then influence your family members to modify their behaviors for the better.

Although your family situation is currently untenable, it is evident that there are underlying issues and responsibilities on all sides. However, if a woman in a family is able to utilize love as a tool for management and as a means of giving love, it is likely that the majority of problems will be resolved.

One might inquire as to the means of quantifying and implementing this love. It is this author's recommendation that the reader peruse two books: "The Five Love Skills" by Zhao Yongjiu and "Intimacy" by Christophe Meng. These books will undoubtedly prove to be of substantial assistance.

It is acknowledged that the presented views may be perceived as uncomfortable; however, it is sincerely hoped that they will prove to be of assistance.

Hello, my friend who is ready to make some positive changes!

I have read your account several times and I can feel the overflowing discontent and irritation, and I am excited to help you work through it!

From your account, I can see that you have a lot on your plate! It seems like your husband is short-tempered, unable to accept your criticism and negation, and doesn't respect you. On top of that, he doesn't listen to you, which has led to some challenges with your son. He also yells at you and pushes you, and even abuses your son. It's a tough situation! It also sounds like your relationship with your son is not the best, which is understandable given the circumstances. It seems like your son is facing some academic challenges, which is a concern.

I'm repeating what you wrote a little because I can see that in your eyes, the fault lies with your husband and son, and you feel aggrieved and angry. But what about you?

I'm excited to hear more about your relationship with your son and husband! Have you done the right thing?

Have you done something wrong? If so, what was it?

I'm excited to hear your thoughts on how these so-called mistakes will impact your son and husband, and how they'll affect your interactions with them!

I think that these questions of mine are likely to make you feel aggrieved and angry. I don't want to accuse you, but I feel very excited to help you!

Yes, you read that right! I am excited to tell you that I am distressed, not by the experiences you have told me about, but by the fact that you have lost yourself.

All you can see are your husband and son, and even if things are not good, your attention is focused on them. I suspect that at the beginning, this was not the situation at home, and that at first you focused on appreciation, joy, and love.

However, as we accompanied our family and son growing up, we had the incredible opportunity to grow and evolve as individuals. As academic pressures and emotional challenges accumulated, appreciation transformed into constructive criticism, joy transformed into sorrow, and love transformed into a deeper appreciation for self-love.

When we give all our love to others, we either become dependent on them or try to control them. This is because we have no "self" and no inner roots. So when we are constantly giving and giving from the position of a complete caregiver, and we don't get the response we expect, or even worse, when others don't cherish our love and take it for granted, we slowly feel lost and aggrieved. But because we have no roots, our grievances are also suppressed as best we can.

We have moved from the position of caregiver to that of aggrieved or victim. After living like this for a while, our grievances accumulate and slowly turn into a fire dragon that is out of our control. It hisses, wanting to express the long-standing grievances and anger. It wants to attack and destroy, so we have moved from the position of victim to that of persecutor.

The above is all my guess. I don't know what you have been through and how you have come out step by step, but I'm excited to find out!

It's time to let go of the hate! When we hate our sons and husbands, we hate ourselves and feel more aggrieved. But we can change this! We just need to allow ourselves to feel our feelings and express our anger in a healthy way.

Dear questioner, I am a peer in midlife, and I don't have a specific solution for you. But I can tell you this: I'm here for you! I'm not sure how I can give you strength, understanding, and support from afar, but I'm excited to find out. If the above message causes you secondary harm, you can curse me—I'll still be here for you!

If it can also give you a slightly different perspective on life and help you see the injustice and vulnerability behind the anger, then that would be truly amazing!

Based on the situation you described, I'm excited to give you some advice: find a counselor in your area or online to accompany you for a period of time. In a safe and permitted counseling space, you can release your anger and grievances. In this space, you can try to see yourself more and learn to pay more attention to yourself, learning how to love yourself and love your imperfect self.

And finally, I truly believe that we can all find the resources for growth in our pain.

Hate is a particularly low form of energy.

However, hatred is not the initial emotional response.

Prior to expressing hatred, there must be a perceived failure to meet expectations.

Your husband and son are both failing to meet your expectations, namely, not meeting your demands.

What is this demand?

I believe it is your self-esteem that is affected.

In other words, before engaging in negative sentiment, there is a perception of a loss of self-esteem.

It is important to note that disappointment and hurt pride are the initial emotions that trigger this response.

It is human nature to value things and want those closest to us to respect them, just as we need to be valued ourselves.

I am currently experiencing a reduction in my energy levels.

He has a particularly strong dislike for his son and husband.

To what extent do you hold them in contempt?

I believe they are both causing irreparable damage to something I value greatly.

Consider a scenario in which the family of three is perceived as residing together. In the current situation, you are responsible for safeguarding your most valued possessions, yet your husband and son are unable to assist you in this endeavor.

It appears that your values are being undermined.

This can lead to feelings of insecurity, with the potential for one's most valued possessions to be destroyed in an instant. It is possible that this may result in a sense of being unappreciated.

Secondly, the same message, conveyed in a different manner, will elicit a markedly different response.

1. My husband has a tendency to become irritated and impatient with little provocation.

2. Furthermore, he is unable to accept criticism or disapproval from me.

3. There have been numerous disagreements regarding the education of our children.

4. I am an elementary school teacher, and many of my ideas are sound, but my husband is uncooperative. This has led to significant issues.

I have divided the sentence into four parts, each corresponding to a specific opinion about the husband in question.

1. You have a strong aversion to your husband's short temper.

2. He does not accept your opinions.

3. There is a lack of consensus regarding the education of the child.

4. He does not heed your well-considered suggestions.

It is evident that there is a discrepancy between your husband's views and yours in the aforementioned four areas.

In instances where your husband is evidently at odds with you, have you ever considered how you might persuade him to align with your perspective?

Have you observed that the four opinions I have summarized sound somewhat less assertive?

If we rephrase or alter the tone of these four points without modifying the meaning, we can assess the impact of these changes.

1. My partner displays a tendency to become angry and frustrated easily. This may be a result of past experiences that have negatively impacted his emotional well-being.

2. There are instances when I disagree with his actions and opinions, and he is sometimes unable to accept my opinions.

3. There is a discrepancy in opinion regarding the education of our children.

4. I am an elementary school teacher and consider myself to have a relatively correct outlook on life, but I am unable to influence his perspective.

Please provide your assessment of the emotional state conveyed by the aforementioned expressions.

Would this approach be more objective, less offensive, and more acceptable?

Your husband has a tendency to become irritated when he hears something he deems unpleasant. This may result in him becoming angry and refusing to consider your opinions and suggestions.

If you modify your approach and demonstrate understanding and recognition of his perspective, he may be more open to your ideas.

3. Domestic violence is unacceptable, and self-esteem should be defended with a firm but gentle approach.

Furthermore, he engages in domestic violence with his son, which negatively impacts the child's self-esteem.

This behavior has been ongoing since elementary school, and despite repeated attempts at persuasion, the desired outcome has not been achieved.

This is why I have a negative opinion of him.

Furthermore, when he was angry, he would push me and curse at me, which treated me with disrespect and caused significant damage to my self-esteem.

It is a common trait among individuals who perpetrate domestic violence to experience uncontrollable emotions of anger that dominate their behavior.

It is important to note that anger is not the initial emotion that arises in such situations.

Prior to experiencing anger, it is essential to identify the initial emotion and address it effectively to prevent the subsequent anger.

By way of illustration, what is the rationale behind his use of physical force and verbal reprimands towards his son?

If the son fails to comply with his instructions, he may experience a sense of hurt in his narcissistic sensitivities.

To prevent him from becoming angry, it is necessary to satisfy his narcissistic needs, affirm him, and agree with him.

Could you please clarify the reason for his actions before he pushed you and scolded you?

If you reject his proposal outright or offer criticism, he may perceive you as treating him as a subordinate.

First, identify the areas where he has performed well. Then, provide your own assessment and inquire about his perspective. This approach may help him feel recognized and valued.

Approval from you may also lead to respect for your opinion.

If recognition and respect are not reciprocated, maintain your dignity and demonstrate your resolve with a firm but gentle approach.

4. It is imperative that I repair the relationship with my son, as a positive relationship is of the utmost importance.

I have a negative opinion of my son. He performed poorly in his second year of junior high school, and our relationship is currently strained.

Subsequently, I assumed the role of elementary school teacher at this institution. This resulted in a significant loss of face.

Furthermore, I believe that my colleagues are laughing at me and looking down on me. I am uncertain about my future prospects.

Due to my inability to gain admission to a leading secondary school, I am similarly unable to gain admission to a leading secondary school, and I am uncertain as to the avenues available to me for pursuing higher education.

Please describe the issues you believe your son is facing.

1. He is underperforming at school.

2. There is a poor relationship between the two parties.

3. Your son has caused you to be embarrassed at school.

4. You are concerned about your son's future.

The aforementioned issues with their children give rise to parental concern and worry.

From a psychological standpoint, the most effective method for identifying the source of a child's problem is to examine the parents' role in the situation.

The child's father displays a lack of patience, and the mother, in her role as an educator, is likely to be quite demanding. This creates a perception among the child that he is unworthy of recognition from his parents.

A child who is not recognized by his parents may exhibit self-deprecating behaviors and lack the motivation to engage in positive actions.

In such instances, the child may not communicate his true feelings to his parents, but may instead express his discontent in indirect ways, such as poor academic performance and other forms of behavior that embarrass him or his family.

If you can foster a positive relationship with your child, provide affirmation, encouragement, and a sense of mutual respect, it may positively impact his academic performance.

5. Distinguish between situations and identities, reduce your visibility, and alleviate your anxiety.

This is the reason for my particular level of anxiety.

Despite my best efforts, I have been unable to effect the desired change.

I am currently experiencing a significant mental health challenge. I frequently engage in distressing fantasies about the circumstances of their deaths.

I can ascertain that your current level of psychological anxiety is still quite high.

It is extremely challenging to effect change in others.

If you are unable to effect change in other individuals, your own energy levels will suffer as a result.

When it is not possible to change others, the most effective course of action is to change oneself. Once the people around us have been positively influenced, they may also change.

As an elementary school teacher, you likely have a positive outlook.

It is important to differentiate between situations and roles when considering positive energy.

If you are still in the role of teacher in front of your husband, and he feels like he is being educated, he will likely rebel against it.

In front of your son, you are his mother when you return home. If you maintain the same level of seriousness in your role as you do in school, your son may not feel the warmth of his mother, which could impact his ability to learn effectively.

As a teacher, you are encouraged to seek assistance from this resource, which offers guidance on psychological matters.

If you are experiencing anxiety and difficulty in regulating your emotions, it is advisable to seek professional psychological counseling.

Subsequently, you may wish to consider learning more about psychology and acquiring relevant knowledge to serve yourself, your husband, your son, and your students.

I hope the above responses are helpful to you.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a psychological counselor. I invite you to relax and allow yourself to be more free.

Hello! It seems like you might be having a few issues with your husband and son.

You have high expectations of your child, but it hurts your feelings when they don't meet your demands. It's also hard when your husband doesn't support you in raising your child. I can understand how you feel!

Take some time to understand your own heart.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're a mom who has high hopes for your child and places a lot of value on their academic success.

You really want your son to do well in school and get into the best high school and college he can. You want him to have a great life, and you're disappointed when he doesn't meet your expectations.

It's so sad when you feel like your colleagues are laughing at and looking down on you. It seems like it might be because you've denied yourself internally. I can understand why you'd want to take pride in your children's grades, since you're a teacher yourself.

It's totally normal to feel disappointed when your son doesn't perform as well as you'd hoped. It can even make you feel like your own value has diminished and your self-esteem is hurt.

You and your husband have a bit of a communication hiccup. You have different ideas about your children's education, and you're not totally on the same page when it comes to how your husband treats them. You'd love for him to embrace your educational beliefs and recognize your "professionalism" as a teacher. You feel that's the best way to show you respect.

I can see that your critical and negative approach to communication hasn't been very effective. It's made things more difficult for you. When your husband is angry, he will also hit or scold you, which is really hurtful.

It's so sad to see how your inner frustration over self-respect and external lack of respect have intensified your inner conflicts, which have gradually become a strong emotional expression.

Let's find the root of the problem together!

I totally get it. When our self-esteem and dignity are hurt, it can really make us feel angry.

Have you ever noticed that, deep down, you believe you're always right and that everything should be measured against your standards? This can make it hard for you to accept anything that doesn't meet your expectations.

I totally get it. It's so hard when we lose our self-respect and dignity, especially when it's because of something we believe in. It's natural to feel hurt when our ideas are rejected by others.

Self-esteem is something that only you can decide for yourself. For example, how well a child does at school is really only their own business and doesn't affect anyone else's self-esteem.

Every parent dreams of their child becoming successful, and it's natural to feel a bit disappointed when their child's grades aren't as good as they'd hoped. But ultimately, it's up to the child to take responsibility for their academic performance, and it has nothing to do with the parents' self-esteem.

Academic performance is just one piece of the puzzle. It's not the be-all and end-all. Even kids should know that there's more to life than grades. So, when you tie your child's grades to your own self-esteem, are you not placing an additional burden on yourself?

I can see why you're so keen to get your husband on side on this. As an educator, you are indeed more informed and professional when it comes to your children's education.

But when you explain your ideas to the other person in a critical and negative way, do you think the other person can really recognize the value of your ideas?

Let's put ourselves in the other person's shoes for a moment. When someone is confronted with criticism and negation, don't they instinctively feel offended? It's only natural! They'll focus on fighting back and defending themselves, leaving no time for anything else, and ignoring anything else that might be worthwhile.

So, trying to communicate in a critical and negative way while expecting to be respected is actually a bit of a contradiction, don't you think?

You'll find the right approach if you look for it!

Your story is full of pent-up anger, but I can sense the deep maternal love behind it. It's the intense concern of a mother for her son's academic performance, and the sense of powerlessness after her expectations have been dashed.

Deep love means strong criticism. It's totally understandable, but it's still really sad when family members hurt each other because of love. As a mother who cares about her children, we can definitely find a better way to express this love!

First, accept others and yourself. Your child has his own life, and that's a wonderful thing! Even if his academic performance is not outstanding, he has other strengths that are just as important. If you can treat him with more appreciation and affirmation, it will definitely help him build confidence and grow better.

Mothers also have their own lives, and they should feel good about themselves based on their own value. Instead of placing high hopes on your children and hoping that they will lead the ideal life, you should live your life as your ideal self.

Second, think outside the box and learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. We all have our own limitations, and nobody's always right. When you try to look at things from another perspective and understand other people's thoughts, it'll broaden your horizons!

There's a golden rule in psychology that I think is really helpful: treat others as you would like to be treated. When you need your husband's respect, it can be really helpful to first consider what kind of respect the other person needs.

When you can consider things from his perspective, it'll be so much easier to get along with each other!

Third, remember that you can always ask for help and adjust your mindset when you need to. It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes, but it's important to recognize when you're feeling negative emotions and find ways to let them go.

When you're feeling really unhappy, it can be really helpful to talk to your family and friends or to seek help from professional counselors and psychotherapists. Sometimes our thinking can get us into a bit of a rut, but guidance from others can help us find a way out.

Hi, I'm Teng Ying, a psychological counselor at YI. I really hope this helps!