What should introverts do to lead a more relaxed life?

Hello, question asker. I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you.

I'm really sorry to hear what happened. It must have been really tough for you.

How can I be comfortable being myself in this situation?

There's a lot of noise out there. You have to learn to filter it.

We can't control what other people say, so we just have to take it in and process it.

Nothing is absolute, and there are two sides to every story. When others say that you are "overly thoughtful," is that really a bad thing? "Overly thoughtful" just means that you don't say a lot of things out loud, but keep them all inside. Your heart is like a locker, and the more you pile in, the heavier it gets. Since the person in front of me is not someone I consider trustworthy, I won't tell them these thoughts. I'm just waiting for someone I trust to give them to them. That's why you see that I'm "overly thoughtful" and don't say anything.

I don't know how the OP feels about the above content. I feel like I'm a person who is responsible for myself. I need to protect myself. I'm looking for someone who is trustworthy. After reading this, do you still think that [heavy-hearted] is a derogatory term?

Let's take a look at the questioner's reference to "the pursuit of perfection." In my opinion, this is a good word in the literal sense. I take my work seriously and am responsible in my role, so I pursue perfection. I am responsible for myself, and I want to find a good husband, so I pursue perfection. The pursuit of perfection itself is a responsible attitude, but one should not be too demanding, as this will be very tiring.

What are the characteristics of an introvert?

I'd say I'm gentle, not particularly talkative, and full of mystery.

As a matter of fact, most introverts have these traits. Since they're introverted, they don't lose their cool with people often. And since they don't like to talk, they're full of mystery.

If you want to be seen as a gentle person, you have to start being gentle and treating yourself kindly.

You might feel frustrated, wondering why others aren't more gentle with you. Some say people are like books, while others say there are as many Hamlets as there are readers. There are so many people and so many different opinions. Do we have to live our lives according to other people's opinions?

We need to understand who we are first.

And most of all, be kind to yourself.

It's important for introverts to recognize themselves even more.

As I mentioned earlier, since you don't talk much, others can't get to know you. That means the answer you get is probably the negative one you think it is.

One night, the boy looked up at the sky and noticed that the stars were winking at him. He later found out that the stars could talk and asked them what he looked like. In return, they asked him what he saw when he looked at them. The boy replied, "You are very small, just like an ant." The stars were surprised to find out that they were so small. But the truth is that stars are much larger than humans. The boy hadn't approached the stars and didn't understand them, so what he saw was different from the truth.

So, it's more important to know how others see you than how you see yourself.

Once you know yourself, the labels others have put on you will lose their power because you don't care what they think. You know exactly who you are.

Don't expect everyone to love you.

*We can see that the original poster is concerned about why she is not treated with gentleness. We want the gentleness that we really need.

Think about that bank manager. Even if he doesn't say harsh things, treats you politely and gently, is he really being sincere? He doesn't get close to you, he doesn't understand you, and even if he appears gentle on the surface, he only stays on the surface. Is this kind of gentleness what we really need?

It's okay to accept that not everyone loves you. You'll probably feel more relaxed if you do.

Come on, you can do this. You'll be able to break through and find your own tenderness one day.

Hello, landlord!

I totally get it! As an introvert who doesn't like to express themselves, I can really understand the landlord's feelings.

I totally get it! I used to feel the same way. I thought I was too introverted and didn't like to express myself.

Later on, I came to accept this side of me, stopped worrying about it so much, and started embracing it.

But in front of friends and family, I can still express myself naturally. It's just that in front of unfamiliar or strangers, I may be a little reserved, but that's okay!

This is something that many of us can relate to, I'm sure.

It can feel like you're out of place with the crowd, right?

So, you might be wondering, what can introverted folks do to lead a more comfortable life?

It's so important to build a spiritual home from the heart where you can be yourself and also have your loved ones and family.

As long as you keep your heart full of sunshine and joy, no matter what the outside world throws at you, you'll always have your own special spiritual home to protect you.

You'll never feel lonely or helpless, even if you're surrounded by people.

It's because he's still learning to fill his heart with all the good things in life.

There are so many wonderful things you can do on your own, like reading, listening to music, and exercising!

You can also have a nice chat with the people you like.

You can also look for a few close friends and go out together!

Even though introverts might not be the best at expressing themselves, they can still have happy times with a few close friends.

Don't worry about what others think. Just be yourself!

It's so sad that introverts are often labeled with all kinds of labels, such as "unmotivated" and "poor at communication," and even treated as if they have a "character flaw." When will introverts be understood, taken seriously, and treated gently and without prejudice?

There are all kinds of people in the world, and no one can please everyone. That's okay! Don't worry about what other people think. Just be yourself!

I just want to wish the original poster a happy life!

I'm so happy it's June! I love you, world!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing.

What do you think about labeling?

You described the person who labeled you. You used words like:

A bank manager I met said I have a heavy heart and am obsessed with perfection.

Your sentence shows you think he will label you. You think the other person is very accurate in judging people. No matter what, the other person will need to define you.

Such "labeling" is showy and not necessarily right. The other person may have read a lot about people and applied it to you; or they may have blindly defined you after reading some personality analysis. We must know that this kind of labeling is not suitable for us.

We should look at the labels others give us with a critical eye. Every personality has advantages and disadvantages. He is exaggerating the disadvantages. This makes you see the negative effects of the disadvantages, but it ignores the advantages.

How to get rid of labels.

Understand yourself. The world is diverse. There are different types of people. How can an introvert understand an extrovert?

We are valuable, and we should not belittle ourselves. There is no need to explain to people who are not close friends. Those who understand will understand.

Give play to the advantages of your personality. When people talk about communication, they often give different definitions to different personalities. This makes it difficult for us to change others.

We don't understand it, and people with similar personalities wouldn't say that.

We believe in ourselves, even if others don't. Everyone has their own way of being and showing what they value. We just need to be ourselves and do well on our own terms. We like to think when we're quiet.

We may seem dull, but we still love and persist in life. Believe in yourself and don't get angry.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner! It's clear from your description that you don't like the label "introverted."

And when you get a biased evaluation that makes you feel a little depressed, I'll hug you from afar! Sending flowers!

When a bank manager I just met, who is said to be very astute in judging people, tells me that I have a heavy heart and a perfectionist streak, I want to say, "I'm just a reserved person who doesn't say much."

I think this boss is the kind of person who thinks he can judge people very accurately.

It's actually a bit like overconfidence. It's clear you don't think the other person has evaluated it accurately.

The questioner clearly believes he is simply more introverted and doesn't speak much. In reality, every word he says is valuable, and he speaks to the point without wasting words.

This is a person's strength, plain and simple.

The questioner should think back to what other examples there have been in life and work of people who are so-called introverts, reserved, and unenthusiastic, but who nevertheless do things well. There are undoubtedly some.

You're doing great! Think about all the things you've done well. Does your heart feel a little more relaxed?

Don't waste your time arguing with others. Love yourself and accept yourself as you are, and the world will treat you with respect.

I am certain that the landlord will stay away from worries and sorrows.

Hello. You want to know how introverts can be understood, valued, and treated without prejudice. You feel angry and aggrieved because you were told you are over-worried and strive for perfection. You disagree, but you didn't express your true opinion in time. I understand.

Your boss said you're overcautious and pursue perfection. This makes me think you resent this kind of evaluation and feel criticized. You don't agree with his evaluation, but because he's in a high position, you hold back.

I don't know what happened before, but your boss said you're preoccupied and strive for perfection. If you get this evaluation again, ask the other person directly. Let them say specifically, then evaluate whether your husband's view is objective. This way, you won't suppress your emotions. Expressing your feelings and needs is important.

How you see others reflects your inner self. People who love to give negative comments see only the bad in others because their hearts are full of imbalance.

You think you've been labeled negatively because you're introverted. You think negative comments are caused by your introverted personality. You feel introverts are more likely to be misunderstood and subject to negative comments. I understand.

Extroverts and introverts are just two different ways of reacting to the outside world. Extroverts are talkative, love a lively atmosphere, and are proactive. Introverts are quiet, love peace, and are passive.

However, introversion or extroversion has no direct link to whether you're brave enough to express your needs and feelings.

I have met many introverted people, and they also express their feelings and needs. They don't talk about things they don't like, but that doesn't mean they can't express their feelings and needs.

Expression is not related to introversion or extroversion. If you feel the boss has not evaluated you fairly, express your feelings and defend your interests.

I suggest you practice being more aware of your body and emotions. Try the guided meditation on the planet in your mind. Do some meditation and relaxation exercises. This will help you notice your body and emotions.

Know yourself better. React appropriately when someone evaluates you. Tell them your true feelings. Don't put yourself down just because of what others say.

We can only change our own thoughts. If we want others to like us, we have to be brave enough to say what we really think. For example, you and I will all have some problems understanding other people. Everyone reacts differently to these problems. Some people will stay silent, some will pretend not to care, and some will get angry and say that our opinion of them is wrong. Those who get angry and argue are not all extroverts. We can only say that they are people who are unwilling to suppress themselves.

Read Wu Zhihong's books, "May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love" and "Be Grateful for Your Own Imperfections." You'll see that love and freedom can help you overcome loneliness. The books will help you understand yourself better, see your relationships with others more clearly, and live a more confident, authentic, and independent life.

I hope you find happiness soon. Good luck!

Hello, and thank you for your question. I hope my answer is satisfactory.

It can be challenging to be labeled, especially if it's done by someone who is relatively successful. This can make you feel more resistant and uncomfortable. At the same time, it's natural to have some self-doubt and the pain of seeking change when you're dealing with a personality trait that you feel is not very good.

How might we approach this matter?

1. It is important to recognize that introverted and extroverted personalities are not mutually exclusive, but rather represent a spectrum of preferences. There is no inherent superiority or inferiority associated with either personality type. Some individuals may exhibit introverted tendencies, while others may display extroverted traits. It is essential to embrace one's own personality and identify the potential advantages associated with introversion. These include qualities such as calmness, sensitivity, and a proclivity for observing others' emotional states. Additionally, introverts often possess a keen ability to understand and empathize with others' thoughts and perspectives. One intriguing study suggests that the differences between introverts and extroverts may lie in their brain structure. Introverts tend to gravitate towards solitude, while extroverts often feel energized when engaging in social activities. Their preferred methods of relaxation often involve solitude or introspection, which allows them to recharge before engaging in social interactions. Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to thrive in social settings and may find joy in large gatherings. Their relaxation strategies often involve socializing with a large group of people.

This is thought to be due to differences in brain structure and nerve transmission. At the same time, introverts tend to enjoy their own company, which can be conducive to creative work. They can spend more time doing their own thing, immersed in their own little world, enjoying themselves, which is also a characteristic of introverts.

For further reading on this topic, I would recommend the book "The Advantages of Introverts" by Marti Olsen Laney.

Secondly, it is important to be at peace with yourself. As introverts, we are aware of our personality traits and adapt accordingly. We live according to our habits, find things we enjoy doing, and do them when we are alone. It is beneficial to feel fulfilled and happy. However, one of the greatest challenges for introverts is learning how to please ourselves, make ourselves comfortable, and enjoy the solitude that is often associated with introversion. Perhaps we simply do not enjoy the same activities as extroverts. We appreciate having time to ourselves to engage in quiet activities such as listening to music, writing documents, playing games, reading, and studying. As long as we feel grounded and stable, that is perfectly fine. There are many different types of personalities in the world, including introverts and extroverts. There is no inherent difference between the two in terms of goodness or badness, but rather, it is related to personal habits and characteristics.

3. It's beneficial to be polite and considerate when interacting with others. Perhaps introverts tend to be more reserved and take time to warm up to others, which can sometimes lead to feelings of envy when they observe extroverts engaging in lively conversation. Introverts may be more thoughtful and take their time to consider their responses, but this also allows them to build connections at a slower pace. Introverts who are quiet and reserved can also be excellent companions. If the world were solely populated by extroverts, it might lack the diversity and richness that introverts bring to the table.

People have different personalities, which enriches our world. As long as we have a positive impact on society and the country, we are meaningful and valuable. Even if we can't be as close as brothers with others, we can still be polite and considerate, maintain a certain distance, and make ourselves and others comfortable. This can be a good approach.

Fourth, it would be beneficial to have a more balanced view of introversion. Some people may feel that extroverts are more energetic and eloquent, as if extroverts are better than introverts. In fact, this is indeed a prejudice. Introverts often like to be alone and work quietly. There are many jobs or fields that are suitable for introverts, such as research, creation, and work that requires quiet, patience, and long periods of solitude. Are these positions not also very attractive and make a huge contribution to society? Therefore, accepting yourself as an introvert, agreeing with and liking your own character traits, acting in a way that suits your character traits, and doing work that suits your character traits will make you feel more accomplished and happy. Perhaps introverts will feel lonely and isolated, which is also a subject we need to overcome. Even extroverts will feel the same loneliness at times.

Ultimately, finding a job that aligns with your personality traits and embracing the unique qualities they bring can contribute to a sense of daily fulfillment. I am a reserved student and an introvert who finds solace in writing and tends to express myself through other means. I believe it's important to pursue endeavors that resonate with your inner self. I hope you can find a balance that brings you joy, cultivate a life filled with love and acceptance, and share your light with the world.

Dear poster, I'm Xing Ying, a psychological counselor and a national level 3 psychological counselor.

Thank you so much for asking such a great question!

I can't wait for the day when introverts will be understood, taken seriously, and treated gently and without prejudice!

I am the opposite of you, an extrovert, and I also wonder: when can I not be labeled as "talkative" and "blabbermouth"? I may seem "blunt," but I am actually very thoughtful—all sorts of unpleasant feelings rise up inside me.

When can people be unbiased? I'm excited to find out!

I stared blankly at your question for a long time, and suddenly I had an answer: No way!

[Why is there a phenomenon of labeling? It has to do with the way the human brain remembers things!]

Our amazing brains are incredible, but they can only remember so much information at once! So, they come up with clever ways to simplify classification through "labels" to help us remember things more easily and manage our impressions.

Everything in the world is different, and that's a wonderful thing! When identifying and remembering, we have the opportunity to simplify and abstractly evaluate others. Since it is a label, it is definitely not comprehensive, accurate, and biased — but that just leaves more room for creativity and imagination!

But for the person remembering, at least a general impression is formed in the mind, which is great because it gives a sense of security!

I was thrilled to be told by a bank manager I had just met, who was supposedly very experienced and good at judging people.

"Someone I just met," "someone who has been to war," "someone who can judge people well," "the bank manager," these are all labels. When I read your text, I also form some impression words that are also labels: "This person has a certain amount of say, has social experience, and you don't know them very well." These are also labels. It is through labels that we manage our initial impressions of people and communicate with them, right?

For example, when recalling someone you know, you may think of "charming," "dull," "honest," or "beautiful" or "strange." This is all a manifestation of labeling. And it's a wonderful thing that we manage our memories of people through labeling!

Therefore, we see an unchangeable reality:

1. [The labeling phenomenon is inevitable]

Labels help us get to know new things!

2. [Labels are inherently inaccurate and even biased]

Since it is a general impression, it is characterized by generalizations and inaccuracies. Since the other person does not know us well enough, and is influenced by the inner world of the person being labeled, it is definitely not objective – but that means there's room for improvement!

If it can't be changed, then what? What can I do if I've been labeled as disliked?

1. Be curious and ask for the reason!

The bank manager said, "Heavily burdened, the pursuit of perfection," and so on.

You can maintain a curiosity about yourself and others and ask him, "Oh? Why do you say that?"

"In this state of openness and seeking the cause, the other person is willing to express themselves more, and you will gain more information. This is precisely the strength of people with introverted personalities who don't say much—it's a wonderful thing!"

From the information that has been concretized, you now know the details from which he thinks you are "worried" and "pursue perfection." And you know what? Maybe after understanding, you will hear the other person's affirmation that you are "reliable and cautious."

You may also be able to tell that this is a projection of his own. After all, it is more likely that someone who has seen countless people will appreciate such a quality in a person. No matter what, you will get to know each other better through these concretizations, which is really exciting!

And the best part is, the other person will be more willing to establish a good relationship with you because they feel respected when they are listened to!

2. It's time to distinguish between your business and my business!

It's his business to label you! He forms an impression of you from his inner world and then expresses it.

The great thing is, you get to decide whether you accept the influence of this label! You have your own "self-knowledge" in your inner world.

Once you have established this, then he can be himself and you can be yourself. After all, you are a rich and complex being in your own right. How can you expect everyone to easily understand you accurately and in depth at the beginning? But you can! And you will!

3. Keep the labels separate and don't mix them up!

"Heavy heart, pursuit of perfection"

Introverts are often prone to being labeled with all kinds of labels, such as "unmotivated" and "poor at communication," and even being treated as a "character flaw." But there's so much more to introverts than that!

I can feel that you know yourself well, and I admire your resilience in the face of the many inaccurate comments from outsiders. These troubles, when combined, create a cumulative effect, but you're up to the challenge!

When the bank manager says, "He is preoccupied and strives for perfection," something amazing happens. All those bad feelings you had when you were labeled in the past come rushing back. But here's the cool part: you get to choose how you react. The labels "not proactive," "not good at communicating," and "character flaw" appear together, and the bad feelings are enhanced through a cumulative effect. Stay focused on the present of the conversation, and only focus on "he is preoccupied and strives for perfection," separating other past labels from this one. It's like you're a detective, uncovering the truth about yourself.

Dear friends, I would like to conclude by saying:

And that's a good thing! As long as there are humans, there will be the phenomenon of labeling, just like the existence of the sun, the moon, the stars, the mountains, the rivers, and the seas.

2. The amazing thing about labeling is that it's actually a way for others to remember!

The great news is that whether or not the way someone else labels us is beautiful has nothing to do with us! We can absolutely control whether or not to accept the label, and we can also choose whether or not the way we accept the label is beautiful.

I really hope you can keep being your amazing self and enjoy life to the fullest with a calm and collected attitude. I'd also like to thank you for your question. By answering it, I've also come to terms with my own tendency to ramble on and on, and I'm going to keep doing it here!

The world and I love you so much!

Hello! I can tell you're not happy when you hear people who don't know you say things that aren't true. You've come to believe that introverts are often misunderstood and labeled. I imagine you've had some bad experiences because of this, and it's made you angry.

You've got to want to live a more comfortable life! I hope that sharing some ideas will give you something to think about.

The drive to change should come from a desire to be better, not from trying to please others.

It's common for people who are introverted to feel overlooked, misunderstood, treated with prejudice, and without tenderness. This can make you feel dissatisfied with your life situation and want to change. This is understandable, but I hope you can be clear with yourself: does the desire to change come from a wish for "others" to treat me well, or can I accept the world and get along with it comfortably?

Your desire should come from the heart, not from a desire to meet other people's expectations or to try to please them. This kind of awareness may not create a clear world.

Believe in yourself and be open about your personality type. There are advantages and disadvantages to both introversion and extroversion, and neither is a "defective personality."

I hope that no matter how many people misunderstand you, you'll keep your eye on the fundamentals. We're all imperfect and flawed, but personality isn't a flaw. You should take friendly criticism in stride, but speak up when you're not happy with comments that say you have a "bad personality and are flawed."

Everyone has flaws, but they're not "defects." You have a right—and a responsibility—to defend this boundary.

If you keep quiet and let people misunderstand you, they might think you agree with them. So speak up and say you're not wrong, you're just different. This world needs your voice, so speak up!

Speak up about your strengths and approach relationships with confidence and openness.

There are many advantages to being an introvert.

For instance, if you don't make a sound, you'll probably end up making a big one.

For instance, being introverted helps you think more deeply.

For instance, you enjoy your own company and are able to rely on yourself.

For instance, you might not have a ton of friends, but you can be really close with the ones you do have.

For example, there are no judgments or complaints.

For instance, you might find that you're more self-disciplined.

...

Take some time to think about your own strengths and focus on the positive comments others have left for you. Try to build on these strengths and use them to get along with the world.

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses. So let's not focus on the things others don't understand. Find your strengths, use them to get along with the world, and interact with others confidently and openly.

Li Yanhong, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Haruki Murakami, and other equally introverted and outstanding people are reaching out to you, saying: the world and I love you.