When encountering troublesome matters, seeking counseling only to be touched on the sore spot, leading to emotional breakdown?

Hi, I'm Fei Yun, your heart exploration coach. I'll be with you every step of the way, offering a warm ear and a sincere listening ear.

I could see how you were feeling because you had put your trust in the counselor and had certain expectations of her, but you were disappointed instead, which made you feel frustrated.

At the same time, you also saw how much you understood the counselor and how you were able to think from her perspective. You knew that she didn't mean to do it on purpose, but just happened to hit a nerve with you.

Let's take a look together.

?1. Consider things from different points of view to gain a better understanding of the issue.

We tend to view things through our own lens and apply our personal values and standards to assess individuals or situations.

When it comes to perception, there's always going to be some bias involved. The same goes for standards and judgment.

Judgment is good because it gives us direction. However, it can also solidify our beliefs and prevent us from moving forward. Every fixation has a "limited belief," and fixation = hardened obsession, caused by limited perception.

"Fixation" makes life immobile; it distorts relationships and destroys them. Just as you collapsed after being hurt by the counselor.

If someone is stuck in a rut, they'll only see the world through their own narrow lens. They'll lose their curiosity and mobility. They'll become rigid, which makes communication in relationships difficult. Once they're fixed in their ways, they'll be unable to listen and will label others. To listen, you have to let go of your fixation.

✨To change your mindset and see more truths, you can train in the following three dimensions:

1. When did I start thinking this way? So much time has passed. Has he changed?

Have I changed? (Think about the bigger picture.)

What's the gift (insight) that this pain has brought me? Now that I've had a few sessions of counseling/confession, I can see clearly what this pain has brought me.

2. This is my take on it, but what does the other person think? What do other people think? (Position perception method) – wisdom comes from multiple perspectives Video

You and the counselor have different starting points and perspectives. Seeing more truths about problems from more perspectives gives you more options.

3. It's important to separate a person's behavior from their identity and not label this "person." (Understanding level)

As you mentioned, the counselor didn't mean to do it. Her actions (which were a bit too direct) were separate from her intention to help you.

This kind of judgment flows, human emotions also flow, and communication is possible, which can change relationships.

2. This is when you should focus on your spiritual practice.

Life is a journey. You look for a counselor to help you heal from past issues.

Think of this as an opportunity for self-healing. It's not the event itself that's the problem, but how we interpret it.

Our lives today are shaped by what we've done in the past, and our actions are influenced by our thoughts. Whether or not we do something is based on our thoughts.

Our thoughts determine our actions, and when we repeat certain behaviors, they become habits. Put simply, our lives are shaped by our past habits. If you're not happy with your current situation and want to make some changes, you'll need to break some of your bad habits.

These habits are what we call "patterns." The reason you have formed these patterns is that they have helped you in the past.

The patterns you don't like and want to change were once useful to you. Since they were useful, it's tough to change them.

So, how can we make a change? How can we live a new life without being held back by old patterns?

We like to think of these patterns as a "fruit knife." You know it's there when you need it, but it's out of the way when you don't.

When you need it, you can find it right away and it can still help you. At the same time, because you know it's there, it can't hurt you.

This is awareness, which psychologists call "consciousness." Only awareness can lead to change, and change is a new choice after seeing.

So, the first step to making a change is to take a good look at the situation.

This is the key to change. People are reluctant to change unless they can feel "love." Once they feel love, they'll make a new choice and change will happen naturally. So, the key isn't how to change, but whether you can see it and, after seeing it, whether you acknowledge and accept it.

Once you've seen it, add a little gratitude, and life will naturally get better and better. So, the right way to change is to "see." When you can see these patterns, accept and be grateful, because they've helped you in the past. Instead of resisting, criticizing, or even blaming it, so that it will feel your "love" for it, it will make a new choice, and change can easily and naturally happen.

Seeing is believing, and believing is acting. You've got to take action if you want to see different results.

I hope this was helpful for you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to chat with you one-on-one.

Hello!

From your question, I can tell you're in counseling, and it's great to see you've built a strong rapport with your counselor! It's so important to feel safe, trust your counselor, let down your defenses, and pour out your grievances. These are all normal, healthy counseling processes, and it's wonderful to see you're making such progress!

But later, you felt "poked at sore points, unable to refute, wounds uncovered, etc." These are also things that often happen in counseling, and they're totally normal! That feeling of having your wounds uncovered really hurts because it is a wound that we have tried our best to repair and hide well. It is a chance to revisit that pain and experience it again, which can be really difficult, but it's also an opportunity to heal and grow.

As a counselor, I'm excited to share with the questioner some of my understanding of the counseling process!

1. One of the most important steps in psychological counseling is to help people take responsibility for their current situation. When people realize that they have the ability and must rely on their own abilities to build their lives, they are ready to let go and change!

Psychotherapists have the incredible opportunity to support their clients in understanding their real situation. This means seeing their vulnerable side, deep-rooted patterns of behavior, and internal struggles. And because clients want to seek help, they want their therapists to admire and love them. This desire often leads clients to hide their weaknesses, which is something that can be overcome together!

2. If the interaction between the counselor and the client is often a reenactment of the client's relationship with the outside world, it means the client is entering a familiar pattern of behavior, whether it is the counselor or anyone else on the other side.

If the interaction between the client and the counselor does not reproduce the client's relationship with the outside world, it is usually because the client has not established any deep relationships with others in their life. But here's the good news! From this point of view, the fact that you feel such pain proves that your counseling is effective!

"I want to argue, but I am unable to speak; I want to speak, but I cannot calm down... My whole heart trembles uncontrollably as wounds are uncovered, and I completely collapse after crying..." The questioner can discuss this part with their counselor, because it is often caused by previous trauma!

These are all things that can be discussed with a counselor, and you can tell the TA what you feel, such as that you are having a hard time and are in pain, and that you hope the TA can help. The OP should not be mistaken here, as psychological counseling is not just about digging up wounds, but also about bandaging and treatment! It's a two-way street, and you can get so much out of it!

3. Everyone in the world carries their own wounds. They may be big or small, new or old, quiet or noisy—and that's a good thing!

No matter what form it takes, these uninvited guests will always find us. But there's no need to worry! Having recognized this problem, we can establish a new relationship with our wounds. We don't have to argue with them over who is right or wrong, or numb our true feelings with alcohol or drugs.

Instead, you need to see it, accept it, acknowledge it, and soothe it. Instead of repressing, denying, or avoiding it.

So, now your counselor is helping you see the wounds you have been avoiding. I absolutely believe that TA will help you complete the following steps!

Absolutely anything you want to talk about is fair game in the counseling room, including your dissatisfaction with your counselor! Just relax and let it all out. Counselors are professionally trained and will definitely understand you!

Absolutely! You have every right to change counselors.

I really hope my reply helps the original poster! Best regards!

Hello! I'm smiling!

After reading your description, I understand your question better. I'm here for you.

From what you said, it seems like you're feeling overwhelmed. You wanted comfort from the counselor, but instead you're in a tough spot. I'm here for you.

You seem to be resisting the counselor. This is normal. Resistance is an unconscious process that prevents unconscious or subconscious conflicts from becoming conscious. Since resistance is unconscious, you may not realize you're doing it. You may disagree with the counselor and want to oppose him.

From your description, I can tell the counselor knows you well. That's why the counselor brought up the point you don't want to face. The way may have been aggressive, but the counselor chose to confront you face-to-face to help you face problems better.

You can also learn to confront your counselor face-to-face. It might make you feel bad at first, but it's actually very effective. You might not feel it right away, but you'll see that you've changed after a while. For example, if you cry, it shows that your emotions have been released in a positive way.

I have also summarized ways to help you.

(1) Take time to think about your feelings so you can understand how counseling has helped.

(2) You can talk to the counselor at the next session about anything you're confused about.

(3) Relax and take your time. You are already changing, so let time do its work. Don't dwell on the past.

(4) Talk to a friend about how you feel.

(5) Don't overthink it. Think about what you've learned from this.

I love you!

Take care.

If I was previously like an empty shell, wrapped up in layers, sensitive to all contact and on guard, then I gradually began to change and take small steps, trying to open up and establish communication with others. And the counselor certainly played a crucial role in this process, even if it wasn't the same person.

I wonder if the counselor was fully listening to me. I made it clear from the beginning that I was sensitive and that I wanted to hear the other counselor's answer to the question that had irritated me. After talking for a long time, she repeated the same thing that had irritated me.

I believe I have already expressed my opinion on this matter, so I am a little surprised to hear you reiterate what I have already said. I understand that you may not feel the same way and that you are not obliged to be careful. However, I believe that people connect with each other from the heart and that no one has the right to demand anything from anyone.

In that moment, I experienced a complete breakdown, flooded by a multitude of emotions. I was overwhelmed by a desire to confront the situation, yet I found myself unable to speak. I was exhausted, both mentally and emotionally.

I can hear the anguished cry of my own heart.

I have no intention of showing off, nor do I have the right to complain. I apologize if I caused any distress; that was not my intention. Even after a few days, I still feel an indescribable pain. It's almost numb.

If I might humbly offer one final thought, it would be this: no matter how gentle and kind the counselor is, it is not possible to completely open up or to be prepared for being hurt at any time.

I realize now that I was wrong to be so honest.