Why always expect others to say what one wants to hear, filled with anticipation and disappointment?

It is often the case that if we do not articulate our needs, it is difficult for others to comprehend our feelings. This is because other people do not possess telepathic abilities or lie detectors. It is evident that you have a number of expectations, so why not communicate them to others?

Perhaps it would be beneficial for us to speak up and express some of our own heartfelt messages, rather than allowing others to speculate. This is an important issue to address, as you now have numerous interpersonal relationships involved, which may also require significant time and energy.

It is important to anticipate that others may not always say what you want to hear.

Additionally, you may experience fatigue and stress when interacting with your parents.

They consistently set high expectations without offering the necessary support.

It is important to have realistic expectations.

It is important to be able to articulate your needs to the outside world.

It is not uncommon to have expectations of others, particularly in terms of understanding or support. However, there is often a discrepancy between knowing and doing. Many things are easier said than done.

It is important to understand your own needs and to communicate them effectively to others.

How can a reasonable sense of boundaries be maintained with parents?

Take the initiative and adapt to changes in the market.

It is also evident that you have encountered numerous challenges in your life that have caused you distress. If left unaddressed, these issues have the potential to inflict significant trauma and discomfort.

This will have a further impact on the course of your life. You may also experience some discomfort, meaning that you will be affected by past events, which will make you emotionally unstable or uncomfortable in your own actions. Long-term discomfort will leave you feeling helpless.

It is possible that your parents may not necessarily do things your way, and they may not always make you very happy. It is also possible that other people may not support you for various reasons, which could result in feelings of isolation and helplessness. It is important to recognise that demanding a lot is not helpful, and that there may be times when you feel like quitting.

You have invested a great deal of effort, but not everyone is aware of this. It is often necessary to recognise our own determination and take the initiative to identify the spiritual qualities that will satisfy us, strengthen us and enable us to achieve our goals. When our requests are rejected, it is important to understand that this may also mean that things have been rejected.

Rather than viewing the situation as a rejection of you personally, it may be more helpful to view it as a disappointment. This can help you to adjust your expectations of the outside world and become more self-reliant. Even if you do not receive external support, it is important not to give up. I would suggest seeking the advice of a psychologist to gain a deeper understanding of the situation.

Please advise.

Lin Yang's response was as follows:

1. [True love] Many parents are preoccupied with their children's success and achievements, yet they often neglect to consider the toll that such expectations can take on their children. This raises the question: what constitutes true love?

In other words, regardless of the number of deficiencies one may possess or the extent to which one is regarded as "good," unconditional love, recognition, and support will be extended. This is simply a consequence of the fact that the individual in question is regarded as a child.

2. [Counterfeit Money Mentality] As they will invariably reject you due to their unhappiness. This is because they were also unhappy children.

Such individuals likewise lacked parental affection, rendering them incapable of bestowing love upon others.

If no changes are made, this problematic situation will be perpetuated across generations, resulting in future generations of children experiencing similar unhappiness.

3. "For Whom Do You Live?" The expectation to hear what one wants to hear from others is indicative of a lack of self-recognition.

If one does not approve of oneself, it is of little consequence whether the world approves of one or not. Conversely, if one approves of oneself, there is no need to concern oneself with the opinions of others.

Those who live for themselves direct their attention to their own thoughts. In contrast, those who live for others focus on the thoughts of others.

In the absence of external support and affirmation, it is imperative to cultivate self-acceptance and self-love. By doing so, individuals can become more compassionate and loving individuals.

It is recommended that individuals treat those around them with the same degree of affection and respect that they afford themselves, and that they extend this same regard to their future offspring.

Hello, host! I'm smiling.

After reading your description, I have a better idea of what you're looking for. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

From what you've said, it seems like you're craving the care and attention of someone you consider an "important other." It's as if you feel like you're lacking in this area and you're looking to fill that gap.

I think it's pretty normal. People tend to attach to what they don't get, so when their needs aren't met, they look to other significant figures for it.

You see the counselor you mentioned in your description as an important other or as someone you empathize with. Empathy is the process of projecting too many of your past emotions toward certain important figures in your life onto the counselor.

So, to some extent, you've developed too much empathy for the counselor. You hope they'll give you the same care, attention, and encouragement as your parents did.

Regarding the point you mentioned in your description, the counselor may not have empathized with it, so they may have overlooked this need you want. That could be why you feel a little sad or a little angry at the moment. It seems like you feel that the counselor should understand you, but in reality, he hasn't gotten this point.

However, we should all know that psychological counseling isn't perfect, and neither is the counselor. We're all human, and we all have shortcomings.

In light of this, I've put together a few tips to help you cope with your current situation.

(1) It's great that you're aware of your current situation. While there might be a little regret, you can take your time and give yourself more time to digest these things.

(2) If this incident has made you a bit suspicious and unsure about the counselor, you can set up a time to talk about your concerns. Building trust is an important part of establishing a counseling relationship.

(3) Instead of just going along with your old way of thinking, try to change your attitude and perspective on this matter.

(4) It's normal to want to hear what you want to hear. After all, people are more likely to like someone who agrees with them, right?

(5) You can relax and take things slowly. Don't stress yourself out too much, though, because stressing yourself out too much can cause problems.

The world and I love you!

Take care.

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a Heart Explorer coach. I understand your internal conflict.

You have also expressed your distress and sought help, which will help you understand and recognize yourself.

I will also share my thoughts on the post.

1. Why can't I do what I know?

You said the counselor would analyze your problems and give you reasons. But you felt you didn't hear what you wanted to hear, so you were disappointed.

Those words are right, but I want to hear unconditional support. I understand your disappointment.

Why are we uncomfortable even though we know those words are right?

Why can't we do what we know is right? We know things on a rational level, not an emotional level.

The rational level is about understanding through the mind.

Emotional understanding is about experience. These two levels are very different.

Psychology says the body supports the mind. We often think our brain controls us, but our heart and emotions have a bigger influence.

Our cerebral cortex was the last part of our brain to evolve. Our emotional brain was already there long ago. We can only deal with things better if we calm our emotions first.

Why do you want others to guess your needs?

Many people think: I don't say what I like, but you have to know that if you don't know, you don't love me.

From a psychoanalytic point of view, this may come from the "all-powerful narcissism" of infancy.

A newborn baby can't take care of itself.

If he is hungry, he will think, "I am God. I just have to have an idea and the external environment will satisfy me."

This makes him feel omnipotent. As our minds develop, we move from omnipotent narcissism to attachment. Our level of narcissism changes.

If you want others to guess and satisfy you, it may come from infancy.

3. Learn to meet your own needs.

It's immature to expect others to guess your thoughts and needs. Mature people express their needs and ask others to meet them.

If we meet our own needs, we can let go of our expectations of others.

We can take responsibility for our lives, needs, and emotions. Other people are uncontrollable, but we can control ourselves.

When we know what we need, we can meet our own needs.

Our needs are met, and we have a sense of control. This is helpful for our state of mind.

4. Distinguish between issues.

Parents have expectations for us, but we need to distinguish between what they expect and what we expect for ourselves. We need to understand that we are independent and take responsibility for our lives. If our expectations for ourselves are the same as our parents' expectations for us,

If our expectations match our parents', we can meet both. If they don't, we need to learn to separate the issues.

I hope these help and inspire you, the host.

Hello question asker!

You need support, not criticism. You never got this from your parents, so you still expect things to be the same as when you were a child.

I have some thoughts to help you feel better.

The questioner feels oppressed when spending time with their parents because their parents have high expectations but don't support them. You and the counselor have discussed why parents do this. You will try to understand your parents, so I won't impress you with my knowledge.

I want to help you see who you are.

The questioner's perception of himself

I'm conflicted. I expect others to notice my needs and satisfy them, but I'm reluctant to say so.

I tried to sound less paranoid or subjective when communicating with the counselor.

I also realized that I want unconditional support. I don't want people to think I've done a good job, but I need to hear it.

I think I understand myself very well. Most people don't. What do you think of these thoughts about yourself?

Accept yourself.

If you want others to recognize and affirm you, you must first accept yourself. If you don't like yourself, you'll be skeptical even if others affirm you.

Speak up about your needs.

You don't tell others your needs because you think they'll reject you. You don't want to seem needy. But you still want to connect with others. So you keep hoping and being disappointed.

Start by expressing yourself to someone close to you. Start with small things, like a bowl of rice or a glass of water. Let the other person satisfy you and change slowly.

Tell your counselor about your disappointment. He can help.

You're not alone. Best wishes!

Dear questioner,

You have a great sense of awareness and are always actively growing yourself!

You've come to recognize that spending time with your parents is a bit of a challenge. They have high expectations of you, and you have high expectations of others. When they don't meet your expectations, you feel disappointed. But you're learning to recognize that this is normal!

I would be thrilled to provide you with a different perspective and hope it will be a great source of inspiration for you!

1. Get to know our narcissism!

Teacher Wu Zhihong made an interesting observation. He said that when we ask others for what we want and they then satisfy us, that is infantile narcissism.

I absolutely believe that everyone has expectations of others, which is a totally normal psychological state!

Often, we want to be treated preferentially or have others unconditionally obey our wishes. And why not? It's a natural desire!

We are eager to gain something in the relationship, etc.

Guess what! Everyone is narcissistic, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The good news is that we can learn to see others while being narcissistic.

Absolutely! We should definitely try to satisfy our parents' expectations, just as we expect them to satisfy us.

Just imagine for a moment that we could have a counselor who would say to us, "You have worked hard and done a good job, you have done everything right," and who would support us unconditionally.

We also look forward to the care, companionship, and support of our parents!

When we are satisfied, we feel absolutely fantastic!

But in reality, we often encounter the dilemma you mentioned, where others either cannot see our expectations or are unable to give them.

So, what should we do at this time?

2. Adjust your perception!

Some people are absolutely capable of satisfying others! Unfortunately, there are others who do not have enough energy and are unable to satisfy us due to their own limitations.

For example, your parents may love you, but they may not be able to give you the care and companionship you need. That's okay! You can still love them and appreciate them for who they are.

You have always tried to understand them positively, and that's great! But I want to share with you that understanding is one thing, but feeling is another.

You also mentioned that "during the counseling, we talk about our relationship with our parents and the many difficult things we have experienced." At a moment like this, it's so important to be understood and held. So go ahead and tell the counselor directly what you need! You need his encouragement and support, not a calm analysis.

When we feel supported and affirmed, and our expectations are met, we have more inner strength to face our interactions with our parents!

On the other hand,

I don't know how old you are, but I'm excited to find out!

Have you reached the age of majority? It's a big step!

As we grow up, we get to learn that even if others know what we need, they may not be obliged to satisfy us.

Sometimes, the other person just can't do it.

Does this make you feel bad or does it make you feel a little better?

The fantastic solution is to learn to satisfy yourself when others cannot!

3. Embrace the amazing opportunity to recognize the influence of family and establish new experiences!

3. Recognize the influence of family and establish new experiences!

You say, "My parents always have high expectations of me." Is it possible that we have also unknowingly learned to expect this of others? Absolutely!

You say, "My parents always had high expectations of me." Is it possible that we have also unknowingly learned to expect this from others? Absolutely! And it's a great opportunity to make some positive changes.

Are you ready to break free from this cycle of expectation and disappointment?

When we see our patterns, it is easier to break out of the cycle!

There are so many ways to meet expectations! Let's try to establish new experiences.

For example, lower your expectations appropriately and watch how your life changes!

If we used to expect our parents to satisfy our every need, why not ask them to give us just three points instead?

We can be more easily satisfied if we let them listen to us and spend time with us. And it's so worth it!

Be specific in your requests!

Absolutely! If we want our parents to care for us and keep us company, we can turn this request into specific actions they can do.

For example, ask them to go to the movies with you or chat with you! The more specific your request, the easier it is to meet.

And guess what? The same goes for the counselor! We can ask the counselor to give us three positive feedbacks each time we have a counseling session.

Just share these!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

You're going through some growing pains, but you'll get through it! Here's another warm hug to help you on your way.

Why not try something new and expect others to say what you want to hear?

I absolutely believe there are other possibilities out there!

First, you get to prove that your own ideas are right!

Second, you can prove that you are a popular person!

But in my experience, if you have these kinds of thoughts, they often backfire—and that's a good thing!

Because we are never others, and it is impossible for everyone to like us; therefore, we simply cannot do what we expect of others. But that's okay! We can still have high expectations of ourselves and others.

That's why it's so important to remember that when we expect something from others, it's like we're putting our fate in their hands!

But here's the exciting part! Each of us is born as a unique individual, and that makes us special. We should have the right to choose how we want to live our lives after growing up.

Your current problem may be related to your own family of origin. Since your parents may not have been able to give you the care and companionship you needed as you were growing up, you have been looking outside for it. This is an excellent opportunity for you to learn and grow! You haven't been able to find it yet, but you will!

As a result, I got caught in a vicious cycle and could never get out. But I'm excited to say that I'm now on my way out of it!

I think it is definitely possible that the questioner needs to change their own thinking patterns!

Tell yourself: other people are not your parents, so it is very likely that they will not be able to give you the care and companionship you want. But guess what? You can find it elsewhere!

Then, give yourself the gift of a hug and make peace with your inner child!

I'm sure that once you've dealt with your inner child, you'll no longer have such high expectations of others!

I also highly recommend that you sign up for a course here on the platform with the amazing teacher Shi Jiaqi, who offers his incredible "Healing the Inner Child" course!

I really, truly hope that you can resolve your problem soon!

I can think of these now!

I really hope my answer helps and inspires you! I'm the answerer who studies hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you so much that we want to share our love with the whole wide world! Best wishes!