Why am I like this at 36, dealing with work pressure and chasing stars?

Good morning,

The individual in question is:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and can discern the complex emotions expressed by the poster from the content.

Furthermore, I commend you for your courage in expressing your distress and seeking assistance on this platform. This will undoubtedly assist you in gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, enabling you to make necessary adjustments and achieve a more positive outlook.

I will now share my observations and thoughts from the post, which may help the poster to view the current situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Checking your phone is a way to "relieve stress."

From the post, it can be observed that the individual in question is engaged in grassroots epidemic prevention work. They can be called on at any time, 24 hours a day.

It is exhausting and stressful to be constantly on the defensive, to be criticized without justification, to work excessively long hours, and to lose motivation in all aspects of your work. This can lead to poor sleep habits and a lack of exercise. In light of these observations, I would like to acknowledge the original poster for their efforts.

Working hard, under pressure, and being criticized by your leader will undoubtedly evoke a range of emotions and feelings of dissatisfaction. It would be beneficial for the original poster to reflect on how they manage these emotions and feelings.

The original poster did not mention how he deals with these emotions in the post. However, when we face significant pressure and intense emotions, it can be challenging to maintain a positive outlook. When we are unable to feel good, we may resort to easier solutions.

After discussing this, has the original poster gained a deeper understanding and awareness of their phone-swiping behavior? While this method may not be the most reasonable, it can temporarily allow us to escape from unbearable emotions and make us feel better.

Consequently, monitoring one's mobile phone may serve as a subconscious method of self-preservation.

2. Attempt to discard the notion of "shoulds."

From the original post, it was indicated that the host is 36 years of age and believes that he should be mature and self-disciplined. However, he is currently experiencing difficulties in maintaining control, which is negatively affecting his self-perception and creating a vicious cycle. It appears that the host has an "ideal self" in mind, which is a representation of what he believes he should be at this age. This "ideal self" expects him to be mature, stable, and capable of self-control.

When the authentic self is unable to fulfill these responsibilities, the individual may develop a sense of discontent and self-rejection. It is likely that the original poster has also recognized the exhaustion and helplessness that accompany these circumstances.

These activities are a significant drain on our energy. When our energy is depleted, it is unlikely that we will be able to maintain our usual level of commitment to the gym.

It is important to be aware that our energy is limited.

Therefore, it may be beneficial to let go of the should mindset and accept the current situation. Given the significant effort and dedication, it is acceptable to engage in some leisure activities.

It is beneficial to recognize that we are not infallible and that we require a certain level of entertainment to enrich our lives.

It is also important to allow for some entertainment in our lives to enrich them and nourish us.

3. To whom are we accountable?

The post indicates that the individual is experiencing significant pressure at work, investing a great deal of effort but receiving minimal understanding from their leader. Additionally, they are facing a leader who is inclined to offer criticism. This has led to some concerns about the suitability of the current role.

I am unsure if I wish to continue working in this manner.

I appreciate your concerns. However, I would like to discuss with you the question of who we are working for.

My understanding is that our primary objective is to work for ourselves. When I consider this,

Does it matter if the leader offers criticism? Does it matter if the leader demonstrates understanding and recognition?

I believe that these factors are not of paramount importance. It is, of course, our hope that our efforts will be acknowledged and understood by our leaders.

Is it possible to influence the thoughts of our superiors?

Ultimately, we have no control over the actions or thoughts of our leaders. Our focus should be on our own actions and thoughts.

Given these circumstances, why do we still have expectations of him? Why do we still place the initiative of our emotions in his hands?

4. Learn to meet your own needs and take responsibility for yourself.

We may also consider why it is important for leaders to recognize and understand us.

It is my understanding that everyone has a need to be recognized and understood. As a result, we expect our needs to be met.

This is a reasonable proposition. I believe there are multiple avenues for meeting our needs.

In the event that leaders are unable to meet our expectations, and external initiatives prove ineffective, it may be beneficial to explore alternative strategies.

It is important to recognize that we are now adults and that we must take responsibility for our own lives, emotions, and needs. When external factors are unable to meet our needs, we can also take steps to satisfy ourselves and manage our emotions.

When we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, will our experience of the situation be different?

Will our feelings towards our leaders remain as intense?

I hope you have found this information useful and inspiring. If you have any further questions or concerns, please click on "Find a Coach" to contact me directly.

Hello, I'm Yiyashu, your Heart Exploration coach, and I'm thrilled to be here with you as you take on your current challenges!

You can't help but keep checking your phone because real life is very frustrating. You also mentioned that epidemic prevention work is difficult, you are on call 24 hours a day, you have no free time, and the pressure is great. But you can do it! Coupled with the fact that the leaders above are very tyrannical and often criticize you for no reason, your life is out of control and you feel very frustrated. But you're going to turn this around!

Your subconscious mind is hard at work, trying to find ways to make you feel good! It's looking for ways to balance your feelings and reduce your current sense of stress and depression. And it's found one of the best ways to do that is by using your phone! Mobile videos can give you instant feedback and satisfaction, allowing you to temporarily escape the pain and anxiety of real life for a short period of time. It's a great way to relieve stress!

However, this method of relieving stress has caused you problems. I can see that you are very self-critical of this pattern, but there is a way out! On the one hand, you can't stop, and on the other hand, you judge yourself for not being able to.

In fact, the habit of judging yourself is also a pattern of your own. You think that you should be self-disciplined at the age of 36, but this is actually a certain perception that you have. The underlying logic of this perception is that you should be a certain way at a certain age, and if you don't meet this standard, you will constantly deny and dislike yourself. But here's the good news: you can change your perception!

The great news is that certain psychological phenomena can occur in people regardless of age. These are related to a person's real situation and psychological state. However, many people are used to viewing their own behavior with a certain dogmatic perception. This is where we can make a change! We can start to believe that people should be a certain way or not be a certain way when they reach a certain age. We can also believe that they will naturally become a certain way when they reach a certain age. This is actually some of the wrong perceptions that family education and society have instilled in us. Let's start to change these beliefs!

Once you've identified your own misconceptions, you can start to look at your phone addiction from a psychological perspective. This is a great way to avoid judging and rejecting yourself.

Once you understand this, you'll have some great options!

Option 1: You're avoiding the pressure of real life by using your phone, and you want to get some instant gratification and temporary euphoria. Great! Now, let's think about whether there are other more suitable alternatives to this phone-swiping method. For example, you could exercise, read, or even learn psychology to relieve anxiety!

Option 2: Take the plunge and choose to change to a more free and relaxed job! This is your chance to get away from this depressing environment and uncomfortable nature of work at the root.

Option 3: Find a psychological counselor or mindfulness coach to help you sort out your stress and emotions, make some emotional adjustments, and deal with your stress and anxiety more scientifically, so as to avoid the habit of checking your phone. This is an amazing opportunity for you to work with someone who can help you!

Option 4: You can absolutely continue to use your phone! All you have to do is do some self-growth in the area of self-denial and self-evaluation. Choose to understand the deeper reasons behind your phone usage and accept this behavior in yourself.

You see, when we try to understand something, we can come up with so many more possibilities than before! This will help you solve the problem a lot!

Then, it's up to you to decide which solution you prefer and which one suits you best. Choose according to your heart's desire, and I absolutely believe the problem can be greatly alleviated!

Hug you! The epidemic work is not easy, but you're doing an amazing job. Thank you for your dedication and hard work during the epidemic. You have worked so hard, and it's paying off!

- Thank you!

Hello! I'm Weiwei, and I'm thrilled to answer your question.

First of all, I want to say a big thank you to you! Thanks to you, we have achieved amazing results in the fight against the epidemic in China, and people have peace of mind. Thank you so much!

Your words really moved me! I can tell you've worked hard and suffered, but you're going to be just fine.

It's really challenging to take on tasks at any time of the day and work at a high intensity for more than two years. You're constantly being held accountable and criticized by your supervisor, and you're feeling anxious and nervous inside, exhausted.

You are really not easy. Even though it is so difficult, you have not just walked away, but are just hesitating about whether to leave. I think one of the reasons for this hesitation is probably because you love this job, and I think you should love it even more!

I'm excited to share my thoughts on the following two questions, in the hope that they'll be helpful!

1. Embrace the current state of lying down!

Lack of motivation at work, binge-watching TV series, not exercising, and poor sleep are all symptoms of "lying down." The causes are related to the intensity of your work and a lack of understanding and recognition for your work. You have been struggling for more than two years, so it's time to give yourself a break!

Give your body and mind a break! The first step is to allow yourself to be in the present.

2. Lie down and be aware. What was your original intention in taking on this job?

If this job is something you'll be doing for the rest of your life, what can you do now to keep your enthusiasm and make it comfortable for you?

3. Under the epidemic, leaders are also under a lot of pressure, and you, your colleagues, and the general public are all under various kinds of pressure. What do you see under pressure?

Is everyone's health or something else?

4. Be more forgiving of yourself. Stop blaming yourself. You've got this!

You say that I am 36 years old and should be mature and self-disciplined. I hear your dissatisfaction with yourself, and I'm here to tell you that you can do better!

I have to say, you've already done so much! I bet you're a really conscientious person who takes your work seriously. Otherwise, you wouldn't be criticizing yourself.

When that critical voice starts up again, tell it to stop! You've done a great job, and you've done it well within your capabilities.

I absolutely allow myself to relax because I deserve it!

5. Get moving! Your health is the foundation of a revolution.

If you're not ready for high-intensity fitness exercises, no problem! You can start with light aerobic exercises like walking, jumping rope, jumping in place, punching a sandbag, hiking, or cycling to get your body moving.

Get up and get moving! Find an outlet for those negative emotions, such as anxiety.

If you're struggling to resolve your emotions on your own, I'm here to help!

6. Are you ready to make the big decision? Ask yourself more often!

If you still want to change jobs after ruling out anxious, nervous, and powerless emotions, you can absolutely make a new choice!

Thank you so much for your question! If you have any worries, you are more than welcome to talk about them on the Yi Xinli platform. Our fantastic team of professional counselors and listeners are here to answer your questions.

I hope you are having a great day!