Why do I often lose control of my emotions?

Emotions are there to help us, and they serve a purpose!

It's totally normal to feel certain negative emotions from time to time. What's important to remember is that these feelings can actually be a sign that we have some physical or emotional needs that we haven't yet met. And the good news is that we can take a moment to identify what those needs are and then find ways to satisfy them. There are so many ways to do this!

Once you've identified the need (this might take a little time, or it might be pretty straightforward, depending on the situation) and met it, the signal for those negative emotions will start to fade away.

So, in addition to "controlling" our emotions, we can also "recognize" and "discharge" them. It's great that you've already recognized them (as evidenced by your ability to name the emotion as "irritable") and sought help on the road to discharge (as evidenced by posting a request for help).

It's totally understandable that you're asking "why." It seems like you're looking to find the root cause and solve it at the source, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!

I have another thought for you that I hope you'll find helpful. Sometimes, we don't have to worry about finding the cause of a problem (Why) to solve it (How). For example, I don't know why I'm often irritable, but I can improve my mood by doing something that calms me down (such as going for a walk/exercising/sunbathing/listening to music/eating something delicious and drinking something tasty/reading a book/other...).

I really hope you find a method that works for you!

Hello! I want to praise you for your awareness, self-reflection, and self-inquiry.

You're an outsider looking in. Let's look at your problem together.

You can't control your emotions. When you're irritated, you shout at your family or younger brother. You don't understand why.

Why are you being mean to your family?

Talk nicely to your family. Yelling at them hurts them.

You may not want to hurt your family, but when you're irritable, you can't control yourself. Your subconscious mind makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. What should you do when emotions come?

Emotions are neither good nor bad. Repressing them will only make them stronger.

Don't suppress or control your emotions. See them, channel them, and deal with them in a way that doesn't harm anyone. In the future, when you feel negative emotions coming on, find a safe, independent space, quiet your mind, and enter into a dialogue with your emotions.

Ask what the emotion is. Then, find out why you have it.

If you don't want to hurt your family when you're in a bad mood, tell them you're in a bad mood and need some time alone.

Emotions always have a reason. You can understand your emotions by looking at what you need. When you meet your needs, you will feel better and won't hurt others.

I can help you understand emotions better. If you're interested, keep reading.

The "emotion change triangle model" divides emotions into three types: defensive, repressive, and core. Defense is anything done to avoid emotions.

Inhibitory emotions include anxiety, shame, and guilt. Core emotions include fear, anger, sadness, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual arousal.

When emotions come, the only way to achieve inner openness is to find the core emotion. This includes calmness, curiosity, connection, compassion, confidence, courage, and clarity.

You can only maintain peace, openness, and joy when you reach this state.

When you're annoyed, you yell at your family. Is this a defense against negative emotions? You're also afraid of being hurt or attacked when you're vulnerable, so you attack others to protect yourself.

Best wishes! I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you!

Hello, letmefly!

I'm here to help you and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

The host said that he couldn't control his temper and would lose his cool with his family. I'm sure this feeling is really tough for him.

I just want to give the landlord a big hug!

The wonderful world of psychology has also studied emotions in great detail. In general, we can say that emotions serve a function. They tell us what we care about, make us sad when we lose something we love, and make us angry when someone touches our bottom line. Well, current psychological research has proven that our emotions serve at least five functions:

And there are even more functions! These are called motivation, adaptation, organization, society, and recognition functions.

As we chatted about earlier, emotions have a function. This means they are functional and therefore don't need to be controlled.

Now, let's chat about another thing. It's the relationship between emotions and behavior. We all know that emotions are uncontrollable, but our behavior is something we can control.

Let's take the example of the host who said he would lose his temper with his family over something pretty minor. Imagine you're in that situation. Would you be able to change your attitude immediately?

This is a great example of how we can control our behavior after an emotion has been triggered. Going back to the original poster's question, if you're afraid of losing your temper with your boss, why would you dare to lose your temper with your family? This shows that we've made a comparison in our hearts.

It's because you think your family will stick by you no matter what, even if you have a little outburst. In the book "The Courage to Be Disliked," it says that we create these small things for the sake of having a temper tantrum.

I know it might be tough to wrap your head around at first.

It's so important to be aware of our emotions. We can't control our feelings, but we can control our actions. When you're feeling angry, take a deep breath and ask yourself, "Is this really necessary?" Someone once said that if you can just extend it for 10 seconds, you can already control your actions very well.

I really hope this helps! I'd absolutely love to hear your feedback, so please do leave a comment or give me a like.