Why does it seem funny to say that studying hard is to avoid staying up late to play video games?

Hello! I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun, and I'm so happy to be here with you, listening to your story about your mood.

I'm really happy to chat about this with you. There are so many reasons why people study hard: to get into a good university, to win the heart of the girl you like, to gain the approval of parents, teachers, and classmates.

Of course, you can also do it without a goal, just because you love reading and learning! It's your passion, after all.

I totally get it. Studying hard has become a problem for you for a couple of reasons.

Rationalization is a kind of psychological defense mechanism that we all use from time to time.

It's totally normal to feel frustrated when our motives don't come to fruition or when we can't conform to social norms. It's also normal to feel disappointed when our goals aren't achieved. To cope with these feelings, we often find reasons to justify ourselves and cover up the pain caused by our faults or failures. This is called "rationalization."

In a nutshell, it's a way to cover up frustration or painful feelings of helplessness.

As you mentioned, in your world of perception, staying up late to play games is "wrong," not allowed, or accepted. It's totally understandable that you need a "rationalization" to convince yourself that this is indeed wrong. And you'll find reasons to study hard to avoid staying up late to play games, which is great!

It's only natural to want to prove that we're right, isn't it? Once we set a goal or a reason, the environment might change a lot, but our goal can still feel absurd. It's only human to find a reason to justify ourselves and give ourselves some psychological comfort. It's just that sometimes, we can't see the real truth.

If I study hard, I won't stay up late playing games anymore. This will give you peace of mind and allow you to temporarily let go of the guilt and sense of shame you feel inside about playing games.

In the unconscious, this behavior of collecting evidence to prove oneself and make a reasonable explanation for oneself is called "rationalization." It's totally normal! We all do it from time to time.

All behavior uses up energy, but most behaviors come to an end. For example, running uses up energy, but there's always a time to rest. Rationalization is actually a kind of lying behavior, which is a kind of internal consumption.

We all have two internal forces fighting with each other in our minds. What we think we should be like doesn't always match up with reality. And what's really going on in our lives can sometimes feel like it's in conflict with what we think we should be like. This can cause a lot of internal conflict!

How can we stop lying or at least lie less? The answer is rationalization – rationality.

Rationality is all about seeing all the truth and then making the best choice you can. It's about seeing clearly the advantages and disadvantages of your choices from every angle.

2. Your friend thinks your reason or motive is funny because there is judgment.

We're all used to evaluating people and things using our own values and standards. Having values means having judgments, and judgments are just a person's beliefs.

Judgment is a good thing! It can give us direction. But, it can also solidify our beliefs, which can lead to fixations. A fixation is basically a hardened obsession caused by limited perception.

"Fixation" can really make life unfluid, distorting relationships and even destroying them.

It's like your friend thinks that studying is just for getting good grades. This is just his perception of learning, his values and his standards for learning. It doesn't represent the majority, and his ridicule comes from his judgment of you. Such judgments can really affect your relationship, for example, triggering your doubts and emotions.

If you're a fixed person, the world will stay at the same level as your perception, and you'll lose your curiosity. You'll lose the fluidity of life, become rigid, and hinder communication in relationships. Once you're fixed, you'll be unable to listen and will label others. To listen, you have to let go of your fixation.

It can broaden the dimensions of life and help you see more truths. Look at things from the perspective of others and over time. At the same time, don't label people, and don't separate their identity from their actions.

The upper level of a person's intelligence depends on whether his head can hold two very different opinions without hindering the way he does things. And the truth is, it's so important to look at things from multiple perspectives and allow different people and more different opinions to exist!

I really hope this has been helpful for you, and for the world. And I just want to say that I love you! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a coach" link in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to work with you one-on-one as we grow together!

Good morning, my name is Gu Yi. I am a modest and self-effacing individual, as I have always been.

In fact, you are an excellent individual.

Provided the objective is sound, there is no cause for concern.

It is beneficial to recognize that engaging in leisure activities such as gaming late into the night is not conducive to personal growth. Identifying alternative activities that align with one's interests and values is an important step in self-development. The key is to gain something from the process of reading. Receiving something of value in return is the optimal form of feedback, and this is something you excel at.

When we inform our colleagues of this, they express surprise at your rationale. From their perspective, they perceive your reasoning as somewhat immature. Given that the majority of contemporary games necessitate teamwork, they are unable to comprehend your decision to study in order to avoid gaming. It is possible that they only mentioned it occasionally and did not attach significant importance to it.

How should we approach and process this kind of emotion? First, we should recognize that our thoughts and actions are aligned with the best course of action, and we should not doubt this decision. Second, we can interpret the words of our colleagues in a different light. Perhaps it is simply the inertia of communication, and the way you speak to each other has adapted to this pattern. Finally, it is also a test of our own mentality: can we adhere to our choice from beginning to end?

It is important to note that differences in understanding should not be forced.

It is evident that there are discrepancies in your and your colleague's understanding of certain matters. These differences have led to doubts on your part. However, by examining the underlying issue, we can address these concerns. It is important to recognise that our thought processes and understanding are influenced by our individual experiences and backgrounds. This can lead to variations in perspective, particularly in different work environments. It is therefore essential to maintain an open mind and avoid taking these differences too seriously.

❀ Be true to yourself and organize your life in a way that works for you.

Best regards,