Why does my girlfriend's relationship with anyone other than me cause me discomfort?

Hello. You feel a strong emotional dependence on your girlfriend. Despite her providing you with a great deal of security, you still experience feelings of abandonment when she interacts with other people.

This is a clear sign of an anxious attachment. You have said yourself that your relationship with your mother is not good and that you have never felt her love. If you do not get the care you need from your caregiver when you are young and do not get a response when you need it, you will develop an insecure attachment (usually in the forms of avoidance, anxiety, or ambivalence).

Anxious attachment inevitably results in a strong emotional dependence on a partner and a profound fear of loneliness and abandonment.

Furthermore, a lack of maternal love from an early age often results in a desire for compensation as an adult, a pursuit of alternative maternal love and satisfaction, and the use of a partner as a mere object or ideal object. Separation anxiety is often rooted in childhood experiences. The feeling of being ignored leaves an indelible mark on the heart, and similar situations inevitably trigger painful memories.

Another factor is the damage to your sense of self-worth. There is a saying: if parents hurt their children, the children may not stop loving them, but they will stop loving themselves. Children who lack maternal love doubt their own sense of worth and worthiness deep down. They need to constantly get confirmation from others (their partners) to believe that they are worthy of love. At the same time, they are always worried that they will be abandoned.

Once you understand your feelings, you can separate the past from the present. Reassure the young and helpless you, and at the same time see that you have grown up and become independent. You have more resources and strength to protect yourself. You also have someone who loves you, and the sense of security she brings you is real. Your unease comes from your early experiences.

You must separate the parent-child relationship with your mother from the intimate relationship with your girlfriend. You can handle the relationship with your mother through counseling or confiding. You and your girlfriend are equal in an intimate relationship. You mutually choose each other and your relationship is reciprocal. When you spend time with her, focus on those feelings of security.

Take care of yourself and accept yourself. These are effective ways to enhance your sense of self-worth and security. They are also a long-term process. Cultivate the habit of self-care in all aspects of your life. This includes noticing your inner feelings without judging them. Allow yourself to have negative emotions. Create positive experiences. These include exercising, expanding your interpersonal support network, and learning new knowledge and skills. Treat yourself as your best friend.

If your girlfriend goes out with someone else, even if it's a good friend, you will feel abandoned.

If you're apprehensive about a relationship, it's because you're uncertain about love. If your partner goes out with someone else, you'll worry she's leaving you. But if your mother goes out with her friends, you won't worry. You know your mother loves you. So only uncertain love will make you apprehensive and give you a feeling of being abandoned.

This kind of love is probably uncertain because you don't feel it, but you say your girlfriend gives you security.

If you don't believe you're worthy of love, it's because you grew up in an unsafe or unloving environment. Your parents didn't show you they loved you, so you don't believe you're worthy of love.

If you were suppressed, blamed, or abandoned as a child and your parents thought your needs were a nuisance, you may believe that love is conditional and that you can only get your parents' love if you are sensible and good. This may make you believe that you are not worthy of love.

Your partner left you for someone else, so you feel unloved and abandoned. This is because you believe you are unworthy of love. To feel better, you need to love yourself and believe you are worthy of love. You are not a helpless child anymore. When you love yourself, you will not worry about what you lack.

This emotional pattern will lead to control, suspicion, and arguments. It will also make the other person feel uncomfortable and stressed. To change this pattern, you need to distract yourself. Focus on your career, cultivate hobbies, socialize, and read. This can distract you from your needs and enhance your awareness. When you maintain your sense of independence and social value, you can experience the richness and diversity of life.

These personal views are for reference only. I hope they help you!

Dear question asker, Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences and feelings with us.

It is unfortunate that you experience a sense of discomfort and abandonment when your girlfriend interacts with others. This feeling can be like an invisible burden, making you feel increasingly downhearted while your girlfriend enjoys social activities.

You mentioned that this feeling may be related to your early relationship with your mother. It is often the case that the love and care of the mother are crucial in everyone's growth process.

If there was a lack of love and care in childhood, then in intimate relationships as an adult, you may seek more security and confirmation. Could it be that you feel a deep-seated need to be unconditionally accepted and deeply loved?

It may be the case that every time your girlfriend chooses to spend time with someone else instead of you, that sense of loss from childhood seems to be triggered again, making you feel neglected and isolated once again. This could be a very painful experience.

It might be helpful to consider that this is not just a concern about the current relationship, but a deep-seated wound from the past.

You also mentioned that you feel a certain degree of discomfort when your girlfriend goes out to dinner with her best friend or close female friend. This may be because spending time with close people is very important to you.

It's possible that when this person chooses to share her time with other people, you may feel that your place has been taken, which could potentially trigger feelings of fear of abandonment.

It's possible that this fear and unease may extend beyond your current girlfriend. It could reflect a deeper struggle with core beliefs about your worthiness and the reliability of important people in your life. These beliefs often emerge subtly during childhood experiences and are then repeatedly activated and tested in adult intimate relationships.

It's possible that the pain you're feeling is actually a projection of emotions. When you feel abandoned, it might be helpful to consider whether there are past experiences that could be influencing your current feelings in the relationship.

It's understandable to feel this way. It can feel as if your girlfriend's departure is a test of whether you are worthy of love.

Please be reassured that your feelings are legitimate and allowed. Everyone has the right to find an outlet for their emotions, a space where they are understood and accepted.

Here, you have the opportunity to express your anxiety, fears, and desires in a safe and non-judgmental space.

Please know that you are not alone. There are people in the world who are willing to listen to your story, understand your feelings, and face those deep wounds together with you.

Your experience, although challenging, is also part of your life's journey and has shaped your unique personality and emotional world.

I hope you can find comfort in the knowledge that every feeling has meaning and value. They may be a reminder that some deep needs have not yet been met, or that some past wounds still need to be healed.

It may be helpful to allow yourself the time and space to feel, accept, and heal these wounds. In the process, you may find yourself becoming more complete and stronger.

I empathize with your pain and distress. This emotional turbulence is undoubtedly challenging to navigate. When your girlfriend opts to be with someone else instead of being with you, you may experience a profound sense of loss and helplessness.

I want you to know that this emotional reaction is not your fault. It is simply a reflection of your true inner feelings.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that everyone needs a certain amount of social space in their lives, including your girlfriend.

It's possible that she may benefit from talking to friends about her feelings, which is a normal part of human interaction. However, this does not necessarily indicate that she doesn't value you or love you.

Everyone has their own lifestyle and social needs, and this does not necessarily indicate that she is distancing herself from you.

I appreciate your concerns and worries, and I encourage you to consider viewing this issue from a broader perspective. It might be helpful to view your girlfriend's social activities as part of her personal growth and enrichment, rather than as a threat to your relationship.

This could help you to be more receptive and understanding of her behavior.

I can appreciate that your early relationship with your mother may have played a part in this situation. It's often the case that childhood experiences leave a lasting mark on our emotional responses.

If you feel that this emotional distress is affecting your daily life, you may wish to consider seeking professional psychological counseling. A counselor can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotional needs and how to deal with these complex emotional reactions.

It might also be helpful to try communicating with your girlfriend in depth and sharing your feelings and concerns. Open communication can often improve mutual understanding. Perhaps she can better understand your feelings, and you can better understand her needs and expectations.

I believe that this kind of communication can help to establish a stronger and healthier foundation for the relationship.

It may be helpful to remember that your feelings are real and important. You might find it beneficial to try to understand, accept, and find a suitable way to deal with them.

As a result, you may find that the relationship between you and your girlfriend becomes even closer and deeper.

It's possible that your feelings stem from a deep longing for intimacy and a fear of losing it. When you see your girlfriend laughing with someone else, it's understandable that you might quietly compare your situation with hers and worry about your place in it.

It is understandable that you are experiencing this worry, even though it is painful. We all want to occupy a unique position in the hearts of our loved ones.

You also mentioned that your relationship with your mother in your early years may have had an impact. It is often the case that childhood experiences leave a deep mark on our path to adulthood.

If you didn't receive sufficient security and reassurance from your mother at that time, it's possible that as an adult you may seek these missing parts in intimate relationships, which might explain why you feel so uneasy when your girlfriend is seeing someone else.

I empathize with your situation. It's not a sign of weakness or fault, but rather a genuine reflection of your inner feelings. We all have our unique experiences and stories that shape our emotional responses and patterns of behavior.

I would gently encourage you not to be too hard on yourself, but to try to accept and understand these feelings.

You also mentioned that you experience some distress when your girlfriend goes out to socialize. It can be challenging when there's a sense that every time she leaves, it's a test of your emotions.

Please remember, you are not alone. There is someone who is willing to listen to your feelings and understand them.

I believe that in this world, there are always people willing to accompany you through this difficult time.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember that your feelings are valuable and a true reflection of your inner world. It might help to try to understand and accept them, rather than ignoring them.

Perhaps if you try this approach, you may find it easier to deal with these emotions and discover your own happiness and satisfaction. It may be helpful to remember that your pain and distress are not a battle you have to fight alone.

If I might suggest, it might be helpful to believe that there will always be someone willing to accompany you on this journey.

Hello, questioner! I'm Heart Exploration coach Jia Ao.

I read your problems on the platform. Are you having trouble in your relationship? You said your girlfriend gives you a sense of security, but you are jealous. Even if she goes out to dinner with her best friend, you will be upset. Could this be why you had a poor relationship with your mother?

You don't know how to feel your mother's love. When your girlfriend goes out with her friends, you feel abandoned.

Your negative emotions may be related to your family of origin. You didn't have a good relationship with your mother when you were young, but your girlfriend makes you feel secure.

Have a good chat with her to see how to solve this problem.

Let me help you analyze and sort things out.

1. Stay calm.

Your girlfriend has the right to make friends. Your negative emotions are caused by your family of origin and possessiveness. She has done nothing wrong. It is normal to feel angry and jealous. This shows you care about her, but you cannot blame her. You must control your emotions and remain calm.

2. Think about your own problems.

You're in a relationship, but she has her own friends. Look at why you feel uncomfortable. Do you spend less time with her? Or do you restrict her too much?

You don't care for her when she needs you. Think about why and how to change.

3. Talk to each other.

This relationship is important to you. You are together because you were attracted to each other and have good memories. You are feeling uneasy, so talk to her. Tell her your feelings. Let her know you care and mind. You are close, and communication is key. At least let her know you value the relationship more than anyone else.

4. Set boundaries.

Everyone's feelings and situations are unique. You can give each other more time and space, and find a way to get along. This can help you feel safe and reduce stress.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, you can follow me, click on my personal homepage, and send me a message. Love, The world and I

I am a coach at Heart Exploration ~ Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey.

It is true that childhood attachment relationships will have some impact on our adult intimate relationships, which is normal. However, there is no such thing as a wasted step in life. Every step counts. Encountering the wrong way of getting along with each other is to avoid the wrong way of getting along with each other, so as to adjust the way to better manage intimate relationships.

Intimate same-sex and opposite-sex partners often have different perceptions of security. Opposite-sex partners are less likely to worry that their partner will feel abandoned because of their close friendship with someone of the same sex. In an intimate same-sex relationship, it is normal to feel uneasy when another same-sex person appears because friendship and love become blurred and indistinguishable.

Some people say that when the heart is an hourglass, no amount of love can fill it up and keep it from spilling. The questioner must start by caring for themselves, enriching their inner world, cultivating interests and hobbies, and making their core more stable. This will reduce their anxiety about gaining and losing.

Love is an intimate relationship between two independent people who get closer to each other. Know your own love personality and use it to adjust your state of intimacy. Be conscious of the parts that need to be adjusted and improve the relationship.

Distinguish between facts and feelings. Tell yourself this is not true. An emotional diary helps distinguish between facts and feelings, reducing internal conflict.

Tell yourself that she is your lover, but she is also herself. Everyone wants a certain amount of personal space, and allowing her to be herself will make the other person feel more relaxed.

Awareness is the key to change. Understand the pain inside to adjust your state of mind. Talk to someone to reduce emotional drain and sort out your intimate relationships.

A good intimate relationship is built on trust, respect, mutual understanding, and harmony despite differences. The questioner may change perspective. If the other person loves you so much, they will heal your anxiety. It's not fair to suspect otherwise.

Trust each other. This will help the questioner feel more relaxed.

You should read "How to Hug a Hedgehog" and "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone."

Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

First, let's talk about separation. People have seven basic emotions and six basic desires, and these two sets of feelings are connected. There has to be separation where there is connection, and this desire is something we experience throughout our entire lives. We are born and separated from the mother's body, we are weaned and separated from the breast, we grow up and separate from our parents, marriage is a separation from the original family... The fear of separation at any stage can affect a smooth transition to the next stage of life.

As the original poster wrote, I feel a lot of pain every time my girlfriend goes out to play.

We can ask ourselves what we think when our girlfriend goes out and leaves. What emotions and feelings does it bring out in us?

We can also think about whether we've experienced a lot of separation and a lot of connection along the way with my girlfriend.

Let's talk about feeling secure. Maslow's theory says that feeling secure is about having confidence, feeling safe, and not worrying about things like fear and anxiety. It's also about meeting your needs now and in the future.

If we grew up in an environment where we never felt secure, where we experienced a lot of dislike, hatred, annoyance, accusations, punishment, neglect, etc., and where we could not trust or rely on anyone, we will always be filled with hostile experiences. These experiences will often continue to affect us until we grow up, and they will spread to all kinds of other relationships, making us worry and even feel that the surrounding relationship environment is full of insecurity and hostility.

As the original poster mentioned, my girlfriend provides a lot of security for me. However, even when she goes out to dinner with her best friend, I still feel a sense of loss and abandonment.

We can ask ourselves what we need when we're unhappy and what we need when we feel abandoned.

We can also ask ourselves what the ideal kind of intimate relationship looks like and what we need to do to make it work.

We can try to take an objective look at ourselves, note our strengths and weaknesses, give ourselves credit for our strengths, and accept our shortcomings.

We also need to remind ourselves that we've grown up. Ultimately, no one can give us a sense of security, and we have to do that for ourselves. As the psychological master Adler said, past life experiences aren't that useful to us. What matters is how we perceive and make sense of them.

We've been trying to have a spiritual dialogue with our girlfriend. From the time we met until we knew and loved each other, we slowly got to know each other and adapted to each other's behavior patterns. We can express our thoughts and concerns to each other frankly, hoping to gain the other person's understanding and support, and also hear what the other person expects of us. Because we've learned to love each other, we can establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship.

We can try to make peace with our emotions. When negative emotions such as anxiety and pain arise, we can say "stop" in time, take a deep breath, and watch them quietly without any judgment. Let the emotions come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like leaves in the water. We can also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

Your writing is just for you, so feel free to be honest and open about your feelings. This will help us understand the origins and effects of our emotions and identify the root of the problem.

If you need help, you can also find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor or a support group, because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It's also important to keep learning and growing as a person. When we're confident in ourselves, it helps us connect better with others.

I'd also suggest reading "Intimacy: Finding Your Soul Mate."

Hello, my name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the transpersonal school of thought.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're a little confused about intimate relationships. We all have different needs when it comes to intimate relationships, but often, our current attitudes towards them are shaped more by our parents than anything else.

It's totally possible that your feelings are connected to what you went through when you were younger. Lots of research shows that how you were treated by your first caregiver has a huge effect on how you act in relationships later on.

If the questioner feels that he and his mother aren't as close as he'd like, he might look for more security and confirmation in his relationships as an adult, especially in your relationship with your girlfriend.

It's totally normal for the questioner to feel uneasy and abandoned when his girlfriend socializes with other people. It might be related to your early relationship with your mother. It could be that he's afraid of losing love, or he's just feeling uneasy about the unpredictability of close relationships.

I can really sense the anxiety and fear the questioner is feeling. It's so sad to see the feeling of being abandoned by his mother in his childhood repeating itself when he's close to her. It's so hard for him to not fall into that negative emotion.

It might be helpful to think about whether these feelings are related to something that happened when the questioner was a child. Here are some ideas to help you think about this:

I can see you're worried about your girlfriend's relationships.

It's totally normal for the questioner to feel a bit uncomfortable when he sees his girlfriend socializing with other people. It might be because you're a bit overprotective or worried about what's going on in her life. In a healthy relationship, both people should have some independence and space to do their own thing.

It would be really helpful for the questioner to try to establish a healthier way of communicating and expressing their feelings, while also respecting their girlfriend's social needs. It's a great idea to discuss your feelings with your girlfriend, but it's important to be careful about the way and method you use to avoid making her feel blamed or distrustful.

How is your relationship with your mom?

The questioner mentioned that he has a poor relationship with his mother and feels that she does not love him. This kind of early emotional deprivation can really affect the questioner's adult relationships, including romantic relationships.

It's true that early relationships with mothers can really affect a person's emotional patterns and attachment types. If you feel like this is something that's affecting you a lot, it might be a good idea to chat with a professional psychologist.

Fear of abandonment:

It's possible that the fear of abandonment is at the heart of the questioner's emotional response. This fear may come from a past childhood experience, such as a separation or severance in the relationship with his mother, or other forms of emotional trauma.

It's so important to learn to recognize and manage this fear. When you feel like you're being abandoned, try to take a deep breath, meditate, or share your feelings with someone close.

Let's try to ease the feeling, shall we?

It's so important to build a sense of security and communication with your girlfriend. Make sure she knows how you feel and find solutions together. Building trust and a sense of security will really help alleviate your concerns.

Have a chat with your girlfriend about how you can get along better. This will help you feel safer and more supported. For example, if she goes out with her friends, she could say hello to you in advance or stick to the agreed time. Even if she goes out, she could bring you a little something from the party to show she remembers you.

It might be a good idea to seek professional help. You could consider consulting a psychologist or therapist, who can provide more specific advice and treatment options. Through conversations with a counselor, you can learn more about the root causes of your needs and fears in close relationships and how these needs affect you.

Self-care is so important! It's time for the questioner to start paying more attention to their own emotional needs and learn how to meet these needs independently. This includes self-care, developing hobbies and interests, and building a social support network.

It's important to remember that your girlfriend can't be responsible for all of your emotional needs. That's not fair to her! You need to learn to accept yourself and be content with yourself.

It's so important to practice relaxation techniques! Learning how to manage your emotions instead of letting them control you is a great way to stay calm when you're feeling stressed or anxious. There are lots of ways to relax, like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga. Give them a try!

I'd like to tell the questioner that sometimes our need for intimacy is closely related to our childhood experiences. I hope the questioner can see the root cause of their need for intimacy, and at the same time understand that everyone has their own emotional challenges and growth processes. Through hard work and patience, the questioner can learn to better manage their emotions and build healthier and more satisfying relationships.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

I'd also like to suggest a few related books that I think you'll find helpful.

I'd like to suggest Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. It's a great book that introduces adult attachment theory and explains how to understand and improve your relationships based on your attachment style.

Daring Greatly - Brené Brown Dr. Brené Brown is a wonderful, inspiring author who explores the power of vulnerability and how to show your true self in relationships.

The Fear of Abandonment – Marni Feuerman This book is a great resource for understanding the origins of the fear of abandonment and learning how to overcome it in relationships.

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a wonderful book that helps us understand how to express and receive love in different ways. It's a great guide for anyone looking to meet their partner's emotional needs.

Emotional First Aid - Guy Winch This book is here to help! It offers a range of practical strategies for dealing with emotional trauma in everyday life, such as rejection, loneliness, and loss.

Receiving Love – Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt have some great advice on how to make the most of love in your life, no matter what obstacles you might face.

Rebuilding the Affair of the Heart – John Amodeo This book is a wonderful, heartfelt guide to building and maintaining loving, intimate relationships. It also offers great advice on how to overcome relationship challenges.

Hello! I can tell from your words that you have a need for love and fear loneliness. First of all, I want to give you a hug and I really hope my answer is helpful to you!

It's totally normal to feel a little upset when your girlfriend is socializing with other people. It might even reflect some deep-seated anxieties and fears. This feeling could be related to early experiences, such as the poor relationship with your mother you mentioned. It could even be that you feel emotionally insecure and fear being abandoned or neglected by important people.

This emotional reaction is known in psychology as "separation anxiety," and it can resurface in intimate relationships as an adult.

I'm excited to explore these issues together to alleviate these feelings! I really hope this helps.

First, we can try to increase self-awareness. This is a great way to understand your feelings better! Try to explore the reasons behind these feelings and ask yourself what triggers our emotional reactions.

As you begin to understand your emotions, you can start dealing with them more consciously, rather than letting them control your behavior.

Secondly, trust is key! Communicate your feelings honestly with your girlfriend.

Tell her about your worries and anxieties so that she can better understand your needs and you can explore together how to maintain your emotional connection while still maintaining your respective social lives.

And there's more! You can also try out some self-comforting and self-soothing techniques. When your girlfriend is out, you can try relaxing activities such as meditation, deep breathing, or doing something you like to distract and reduce anxiety.

If this situation is still affecting your quality of life, don't worry! You can also seek help from a counselor. A professional counselor can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions, learn coping strategies, and gradually overcome these feelings.

A healthy relationship is all about having enough personal time and space for both parties. And the best part is, you get to learn to trust each other and yourself to handle this temporary separation! It's a great way to maintain a mature and stable relationship.

I really hope my answer is helpful! I love you all so much! ???

Hello, Thank you for your thoughtful question. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I can understand your concern about your girlfriend interacting with others. Psychology suggests that those who are unhappy in a relationship may need to consider making some changes.

In your relationship with your girlfriend, you may find yourself in a position where you are the one who tends to suffer the most. This could be an indication that you are experiencing certain challenges within yourself and may benefit from making some adjustments. Since you are the one who tends to suffer, there may be various elements within yourself that you could explore in order to find more balance.

It is often said that it is perfectly normal for friends to hang out, go shopping, or do anything else. However, if your girlfriend goes out to dinner with her best friend, you may find yourself feeling a little upset and perhaps even a little abandoned. It seems that something so normal is causing you a great deal of anxiety and unease.

It is also possible that you may feel abandoned. This may be related to your family of origin and your own sources of security. It is important to understand that the family of origin can indeed affect our sense of security. If you have not received stable parental love since childhood,

As a result, this may lead to an insecure attachment pattern [insecure attachment patterns include anxious attachment]. Regardless of the other person's actions, you may experience an overwhelming sense of anxiety due to a lack of consistent, nurturing love and care. When you cannot see the other person's genuine concern, it's natural to have thoughts and feelings that can sometimes make you feel insecure.

Perhaps you haven't yet fully recognized that you are your own source of security. It's possible that your relationship with your mother has left you feeling insecure, leading you to doubt your love and adequacy. As an adult, however, you have the opportunity to care for yourself in a more relaxed manner. You can approach your relationship with your mother in a more open and accepting way.

It's possible that your mother didn't receive any training in this area either, which might have made it difficult for her to be the best mother she could have been at that time. What you might benefit from now is learning how to become a capable adult who can take care of themselves, and you could consider building your own original family.

It might be helpful to consider seeking professional psychological counseling to address past trauma. Due to the challenges you've faced in your childhood, it could take time to overcome the effects of past trauma. It's understandable that these experiences can continue to affect you even as you grow older, leaving you with a sense of incompleteness.

It can be challenging when you're communicating with someone else and you feel a sense of emptiness inside, making it difficult to give fully. It's natural to want to receive comfort in return. However, it's important to recognize that everyone has a multitude of relationships beyond the one with their partner, and there are many aspects of life to navigate.

It's important to remember that the other person also has their own schedule and plans, and it's not realistic to expect them to stick by your side 24 hours a day. It might be helpful to consider whether your friends could also benefit from your company while your girlfriend is out.

It might be helpful to consider whether the family you care about also needs your company. You also have things to accomplish yourself, such as your studies, your work plan, and your self-growth. In fact, there are many, many aspects that you need to spend time dealing with on your own.

You may also find it helpful to read "Motherly Love to the Left, Anxiety to the Right," "Why Motherly Love Hurts," and "Breaking Out of the Original Family."

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Hello. I can sense that you are particularly sensitive and prone to daydreaming, especially when it comes to relationships. It seems that you may not be as confident in your relationships as you would like to be, and that you experience feelings of nervousness, worry, and possessiveness. It may be helpful to consider whether your feelings for her may be influencing your behavior in ways that are not entirely beneficial.

It's important to remember that being possessive is not inherently bad. Everyone wants to receive love from the person they love. However, it's essential to strike a balance. If you excessively interfere with your partner's social circle or are too controlling, it can have unintended consequences. Your analysis of your relationship with your mother during your childhood may hold valuable insights. It's possible that your parents' inability to provide sufficient care and love during your upbringing may have left you with an internal sense of lacking love. This could be a contributing factor to the negative emotions you're experiencing.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to trust her and give her enough space, so that the relationship between you will be more harmonious and beautiful. It might also be beneficial to repeatedly remind yourself that they are just ordinary friends and that your feelings are not necessarily indicative of reality.

It may take some time, but try not to worry too much. Things will likely improve gradually.

It might be helpful to consider ways of alleviating this feeling. One approach could be to engage in an activity that you find enjoyable, such as listening to music, reading a book, or going on a trip. These activities have the potential to distract you and help you feel less anxious. Learning to regulate your emotions and thoughts is an important skill. If you find it challenging to control your thoughts, it might be beneficial to find something to keep yourself busy, which could help you feel less preoccupied with these thoughts.

If you pay attention and observe your daily life, you may find that you feel the details she has filled you with, which could then lead you to believe that she loves you. This sense of certainty could then increase your sense of security.

I hope you can find a way to overcome these negative emotions soon. Wishing you well.

Hello. I'm a heart coach, and I'm happy to help.

From your description, I can see you feel insecure. You feel threatened whenever your girlfriend talks to or communicates with someone else, or even gets closer to someone. You feel your relationship will lose points, and you won't be able to have her love you completely.

Do you feel this way?

I will use your text to help you analyze your mind and find a solution.

You said you're gay and your girlfriend gives you security. Gender is important in relationships, gay or straight.

As long as you love each other, your relationship is worth supporting.

You're both girls, so she's your girlfriend. Girls like pretty clothes, gossip, tea, and shopping.

This is normal. You think they'll threaten your relationship and you feel unhappy and abandoned.

Why do you think she's cheating? You think she's seeing her best friend, who's in a close relationship with her.

Are they the only ones who speak the truth? You will think about it.

You feel insecure and think your relationship will be unstable, which makes you unhappy.

Are you angry with your girlfriend when you're unhappy? Do you blame her for your bad mood?

If so, you're insecure. Does your girlfriend understand? You got a lot of security from her. She understands your experience. You lack love and stability, so she gives you a lot.

If so, we need to look at your relationship objectively. From an objective point of view, we can think about it.

We are in a relationship with each other. We need to respect and love each other. But you may feel like you give more than she does.

I hope the other person responds as we hope, saying they want to be together forever.

But the other person has their own girlfriend and best friend, so there's no way to give you real-time emotional support. You're actually becoming more and more unhappy inside, wanting to be full of energy, but you can't.

When you come to our platform to ask a question, you want practical and effective solutions.

Knowing this can help you succeed. You can see that your relationship with your mother was not good, and that you may have been triggered by this.

It's also about the mother-daughter relationship and the relationship between two women.

Your girlfriend and your mother love you unconditionally. This love is similar because when you were young, you couldn't feel your mother's love, so you hope to find a girl who will love you.

Was this how you felt when you first fell in love with your girlfriend?

If you think this way, I advise you to distinguish the two relationships.

Your relationship with your mother is very different from your relationship with your girlfriend.

You know your mother loves you, but you don't feel it.

You shut it out, so you can't feel it. You may have a bad relationship with your mother. Your brain thinks she's aggressive, has let you down, or has brought you bad experiences, so you're hostile towards her.

Even if she treats you well and loves you later, you will still think your mother doesn't love you or that you don't know how she loves you.

By the time you reached your present age, you had formed a fixed mindset. You didn't feel much when your mother showed you affection.

You blame yourself for not feeling loved. You also blame your mother for treating you badly when you were little.

Both sides have problems, but we want to learn to love again.

This skill is innate, but we may misunderstand our mothers when we're young or they may have experiences that prevent them from communicating with us in a friendly manner.

You will have conflicts.

So, let's go back to the beginning and look for details about the conflicts between you and your mother. Why did they happen?

Can you forgive yourself and your mother now?

Then we look at your situation with your mother.

Has it faded? Does she show love now? She might care if you're warm or have enough money.

This kind of concern is a sign of love. Have we missed it? Let's talk about it.

Your mother and girlfriend are connected because you've closed yourself off to love.

Your brain knows your girlfriend gives you security and is a good girlfriend. But you worry she'll give her love to others when she goes out with others.

Look at it objectively. Is the love you share with your girlfriend the same as the affection she feels for her friends? It's different.

Do you have friends you can talk to? Does your girlfriend respect you?

Two people together should respect and tolerate each other.

If you feel secure with your girlfriend, it means she still loves you. Does this make your heart feel warm?

If the answer is yes, you've taken a good step by opening the door to love.

Then we can base ourselves on facts and analyze our emotions. For example, if he goes out with someone else, we can think positively about being angry.

If my girlfriend goes out with someone else, who is this person? What is their relationship?

Would this threaten our relationship? Does the other person like my girlfriend?

If the answer is no, she'll go out with the other person. Everyone needs space.

If you're with your girlfriend all the time, there's tension. You need space to breathe and do your own thing.

If the answer is yes, we can give each other this opportunity. We must also let go of ourselves and engage with the outside world.

Depression is bad for you.

You love your girlfriend but feel she may abandon you, just like your mother did.

I'd still give you the same advice. First, look at the facts and then think about how this person affects your relationship with your mother. We can gradually open up to each other.

A two-pronged approach will improve your relationship with your mother and make you feel more secure with your girlfriend.

Then I believe you will see yourself and your relationships more clearly.

After you think about what I said, click my homepage, organize your thoughts, and send them to me.

I will help you assess and improve your methods.

I'll wait for your reply and wish you well.

Hello. I am Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak.

The questioner realizes that whenever his girlfriend is with her best friend, he feels abandoned, which makes him feel unhappy and painful. He then confidently associates this state of mind with his relationship with his mother, because he has never felt her love.

It is clear that there is a relationship between these two factors. If a child does not receive stable and sufficient love from its caregiver, this can lead to the formation of an insecure attachment relationship. This manifests as sensitivity and suspicion, insecurity, and fear of abandonment. These are the main indications of an anxious attachment.

You expect your girlfriend to give you long-term companionship and attention. You believe this is the only way you can feel loved, appreciated, and secure.

The good news is that your girlfriend can give you a lot of security. The most suitable type of lover for an anxious person is a secure one. Rebuild your secure attachment. Try the following methods:

1. Believe in yourself. You are worthy of love. Don't depend on others to make you feel worthy. Learn to love yourself.

Over-reliance will inevitably lead to a vicious cycle of wanting more and more when you have less and less. Despite your girlfriend providing you with a great deal of security and reliability, you still don't feel secure.

Do something you enjoy. Shift your focus from the other person to yourself. Your inner world will become richer, and you'll realize your inherent value.

Thoughts are not facts. When you are emotionally stable, write down the good things she has done for you, and include as many details as possible.

When you find yourself doubting that she loves you, you have two options. You can either ignore the evidence that she doesn't love you or you can use it to prove that she does. If you choose the latter, you'll have a book of details proving that she loves you. Consciously telling yourself that thoughts don't equal facts can help relieve anxiety.

3. Increase effective communication. This includes communication with your partner and communication with yourself.

Be honest with your partner and tell them that you need more companionship and security. This may sometimes put pressure on them emotionally, but if they sense this, you can communicate actively and remind them that you are upset. At the same time, you can also ask yourself what your current feelings are.

I know what I need. I know what I want the other person to do.

I can do things for myself. I can stop blaming other people and I can stop feeling lonely and helpless.

Seek help from a counselor if you have the means. This will help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Best wishes!

It's totally normal to feel this way! The emotional experience you describe touches on several important psychological areas, including attachment theory, jealousy, and a sense of personal boundaries. These emotional reactions don't exist in isolation, but are all connected and influence each other, which shapes your perception of intimacy.

I'm going to do my best to help you understand the emotions you're feeling from a psychological perspective.

1. Attachment theory and early relationships

Attachment theory is a really important theory in psychology that helps us understand how we form emotional connections with others. It suggests that we develop specific attachment patterns when we're young, usually with our mums, and that these patterns continue to affect our adult relationships and emotional responses.

If you had a tough time with your mom when you were young, it might have led to you forming an attachment pattern that makes it hard for you to feel safe and loved in your relationships. This can make you feel uneasy, abandoned, or jealous when your partner interacts with others.

Your girlfriend's interactions with other people might be making you feel a bit uneasy, which could be a sign that you're struggling with an insecure attachment pattern.

2. Jealousy and Self-Perception

Jealousy is a complex and multifaceted human emotion. It can come from a place of doubt about your self-worth, concerns about your partner's fidelity, or even fears about the stability of the relationship.

In your case, it's totally normal to feel jealous when you're not sure about your place and value in the relationship.

It's totally normal to feel a bit insecure when your girlfriend is hanging out with her bestie. It's natural to worry that this might make you feel a little left out or that she might not be paying as much attention to your feelings. These feelings might be coming from a place of insecurity and doubt about your self-worth, which is totally understandable!

I know it can be tough, but try not to control or limit her social activities. It might make things worse.

3. Sense of personal boundaries and intimacy

Personal boundaries are really important! They're about keeping your independence and autonomy in relationships. And they're especially crucial in intimate relationships.

Some folks, though, might find it tough to set and stick to the right boundaries in their intimate relationships.

In your case, you may be overly sensitive to your girlfriend's social activities and even try to control her behavior. This excessive attention and control may stem from your sense of uncertainty about your role in the relationship and your overinterpretation of your partner's behavior. It's totally normal to feel this way!

To help you feel more at ease, it's important to learn how to set and keep healthy personal boundaries in your intimate relationships.

4. Coping Strategies and Psychological Growth

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! Let's try some strategies together to help you feel more at ease and in control. To alleviate this sense of abandonment and unpleasant reactions, you can try the following strategies:

1. Take some time for yourself to reflect and explore. This will help you understand your emotional needs and attachment patterns. Once you know what you need, you can find ways to cope that work for you.

2. Nurture your relationship with open and honest communication. Talk to your girlfriend about your feelings and needs with kindness and understanding. Together, you can find solutions that work for you both. Through communication, you can enhance understanding and reduce misunderstandings and conflicts.

3. Nurture your independence and autonomy! Keep your personal boundaries strong in your intimate relationships and respect your partner's independence and autonomy. This will help you build a happier, healthier, and more balanced relationship.

4. Seek professional support: If this emotional distress persists and affects your daily life and the quality of your relationships, you may want to think about seeking psychological counseling or therapy. A professional counselor can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotional responses and provide effective coping strategies.

It's also important to remember that everyone's emotional experience is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. So, when you're looking for ways to find relief, it's important to adjust and adapt to your own situation.

You can do it! With a little trial and effort, you can gradually overcome this sense of abandonment and unpleasant reactions. You'll be on your way to establishing a healthier and more stable intimate relationship in no time!