A 20-year-old high school senior, weak and inferior, feels suffocated and should not live as a punching bag.

Dear Question Asker,

Given your visible presence at home, your mother's evident happiness, your willingness to accommodate others' expectations, and the ridicule you face at school, it is evident that you are under significant pressure. I extend my support and encouragement through a hug.

Firstly, I commend your courage. You have reached a point of saturation and are no longer willing to persist in this manner. You have expressed a desire for change and have taken the initiative to document these thoughts, thereby creating an opportunity for others to assist you. This represents the initial phase of a transformative process.

You stated that in the presence of others, you will endeavor to present yourself in a humble manner, concealing your strengths and disclosing your weaknesses. However, it is important to recognize that these attributes, whether perceived as strengths or weaknesses, represent diverse facets of our identity. The distinction between these qualities is a construct that we have created, and it is this very distinction that shapes our interactions with them. Moreover, it is essential to understand that every quality is neither inherently good nor bad. In different contexts, strengths and weaknesses may assume different forms and serve distinct roles.

It is therefore unnecessary to either hide or show anything deliberately; instead, one should simply allow events to unfold naturally. One should be true to oneself, care only for one's own feelings, and refrain from thinking about anything else for the time being.

The relationship with one's classmates can be conceptualized as follows: one is in their senior year of high school, and the primary objective is to study. It is advisable to prioritize activities that facilitate academic success and to disregard those that are not conducive to this goal. It is important to recognize that one's own actions are the primary determinant of one's strength. It is understandable to aspire to a more positive relationship with one's classmates. However, at this stage, it may not be feasible to achieve this. In such a case, it is acceptable to acknowledge that the relationship with a particular individual may not be optimal and to adopt a realistic outlook. It is important to recognize that the quality of the relationship is a personal choice and not a situation that one is obligated to confront. By adopting this approach, one can cultivate a more relaxed mindset. When the opportunity arises to interact with this individual, it is recommended to engage in communication, and if it is not desired, to simply refrain from doing so. It is essential to maintain realistic expectations regarding the nature and potential outcomes of the relationship.

It is recommended that you attempt this approach, as it may prove effective.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you the utmost success in your forthcoming examinations.

Hello, questioner.

In the description, you "sacrifice" yourself at home in order to maintain "peace" in the family, just so that your mother can smile more and your parents argue less. Your parents' way of education is humble, which makes you speak less. In order to implement this kind of education, it would be beneficial to speak more, embrace your own advantages, and address your shortcomings with a positive attitude.

At school, you were teased by your former classmates, which made you feel like you didn't matter in your performance. It's natural to want respect from others, but it seems like you don't get that from them, and some even bully you.

You recognize that you may be perceived as weak, and you want to save yourself from any potential harm. You understand your current grievances very well.

It can be difficult for you when your parents argue. You try to help by keeping your mother company and trying to cheer her up in your own way.

You are a kind child. It's just that you might benefit from considering that your parents argue, and this is their way of getting along with each other. After so many years, they have become accustomed to resolving their conflicts through arguing. What you might find helpful to know is that this is a subject for your parents, not you.

It's important to recognize that your parents' issues cannot be resolved by making personal sacrifices. You have the opportunity to express your feelings about their disagreements and your hopes for their relationship. This could help them understand the impact their conflict has on you.

It is important to recognize that the perception of parents' expectations for boys, including education, obedience, modesty, and communication, may not fully align with reality. As young individuals, it can be challenging to maintain a composed and unassuming demeanor, particularly if one possesses positive qualities. This may lead to a sense of self-suppression.

It is also possible that boys who speak less may be more likely to fall into the trap of not being able to express their true selves. Additionally, it is easy to affect expression. Therefore, it can be said that this is just a stereotype of parents, and they have a cognitive bias. It would be beneficial to realize that the person you want to become should not be defined by the boundaries set by your parents, but by being true to yourself.

It's possible that you've become accustomed to "acting dumb," which might make you vulnerable to bullying among your classmates. When you choose to play with your classmates without any grudges, you might be inadvertently giving up on yourself.

It is important to remember that if you do not protect your own boundaries and allow others to trample all over them, it will be difficult for others to respect you. It is therefore advisable to establish boundaries with others.

For instance, if a classmate makes a joke at your expense, you might consider telling that person how you feel. This may initially feel uncomfortable, but it's important to speak up.

It might be helpful to consider that these classmates may bully you because you allow it. When you stand up and tell them that you don't wait for you, you can choose not to come, and you can ignore these people who don't respect you and don't associate with them.

It would be beneficial for you to seek respect, rather than allowing yourself to be made fun of. When playing with them, they may bully you because you don't resist. You might like to consider telling them that it's wrong, not to grab your clothes, and to express your dissatisfaction clearly.

It's up to you to decide whether you want to be treated in this way.

Now that you're in your senior year of high school, it might be helpful to consider paying more attention to your studies. Given that you're taking the college entrance exam again, it could be beneficial to start making changes now. It's important to be yourself at home and establish your own boundaries outside. It's also valuable to learn to express yourself. You've got time, so don't worry if you're not there yet.

I hope this is helpful. Wishing you the best!

I extend a comprehensive embrace to you.

After reading the detailed account of the problem, a 20-year-old male in a family where his parents engage in frequent arguments employs childish behavior to feign ignorance in order to gain his mother's approval. He also exhibits this pattern of behavior in his relationships at school.

The relationship between a student and their classmates can be seen as a reflection of their relationship with their parents. It is not uncommon for students to project their perception of their dominant classmate's role onto their own parents. Despite not discussing their father frequently, students may still convey that their father is emotionally unstable, that their parents argue, and that their parents have taught them to be humble outside the home.

It is, however, possible that the child may desire a father who is less modest or even stronger. In life, the father may be stronger than the mother, and the child may choose to be close to the weaker mother in order to express obedience to the stronger father.

Furthermore, you were unsuccessful in the college entrance examination and thus required to retake the entire year. It is unclear whether your grades were generally poor or if your failure was solely due to the examination.

However, failure to pass the college entrance exam may also be related to your family relationship. You indicated that you are currently employing a submissive approach to maintain the hard-won peace and comfort of your family, which suggests that you are experiencing significant fear. If you are not present to carefully maintain it, the relationship between your parents may deteriorate further, potentially leading to divorce.

For example, if an individual were to attend college and subsequently leave their parents at home, it is likely that the parents would experience a range of challenging emotions and behaviors, including arguments, conflict, and even divorce. When an individual who is unable to leave their home due to circumstances remains a source of concern for their parents, the parents' attention is often temporarily redirected towards that individual. This can result in a superficial and transient peace in the relationship, as the parents' primary focus shifts to supporting the individual's academic endeavors.

One makes sacrifices for the sake of family harmony, which also prevents one from leaving home. For a student, the simplest way to avoid leaving home is to neglect one's studies.

In essence, the solution to escaping one's current environment, which may be perceived as suffocating, is straightforward: one must leave that environment. Entering college provides an opportunity to distance oneself from the intense social dynamics of school and temporarily avoid the constraints of family life. This allows for a shift in one's environment and a temporary respite from the complexities of familial relationships. In this way, one can reclaim control over the dynamics of their relationship with their parents.

Additionally, one can alter one's social circle by forming new relationships with classmates. University classmates are, on average, more mature than their high school counterparts and are less likely to engage in disruptive behavior.

It is recommended that one first remove oneself from the situation and then allow time for healing. Otherwise, all efforts will be in vain upon returning to the familiar environment.

The process of detaching oneself from one's environment can foster resilience, enabling one to remain unaffected by the familiar patterns of behavior of familiar people even when one returns to a familiar environment. This process is not a short-term one.

As is the case with numerous college students, they are able to maintain emotional stability within the academic environment. However, once they return home, they are susceptible to losing control. In this case, the presence of familiar family members and the familiarity of established patterns has triggered her habitual coping mode. For these individuals, it is not sufficient to simply leave their original environment; they also require the opportunity to grow, re-evaluate themselves, others, and relationships. This necessitates learning, thinking, and even the assistance of a psychological counselor.

The most straightforward and direct route for you at this juncture is to intensify your academic efforts, enhance your academic performance, and pursue admission to a more highly regarded institution of higher learning. The caliber of students and faculty at such an institution will naturally be superior.

With regard to relationships with classmates, given that you are in your senior year and that the majority of students are focusing on the college entrance exam, there is no need to develop relationships with classmates. It is advisable to refrain from engaging with her comments and to avoid becoming involved in or blending in with the group.

It is recommended that you focus on your examinations and your knowledge base. These will not fail you, provided that you apply yourself diligently. You will undoubtedly be rewarded for your efforts.

In regard to familial relationships, it is this author's recommendation that communication with parents be avoided, given the potential for conflict and the time constraints that would be imposed on the individual. Instead, the focus should be on academic pursuits.

It would be advisable to simply listen to what they have to say. With regard to the matter of what you should do, you are the best judge of that.

It seems reasonable to posit that they are also monitoring your academic performance.

It is recommended that you study assiduously, enhance your academic performance, and disengage from the stifling environment. Once you have done so, we can discuss strategies for overcoming your cowardice and inferiority complex.

It is recommended that individuals engage in physical activity as a means of channeling their aggressive impulses. This could include activities such as running, basketball, boxing, and so forth. The objective is to provide a constructive outlet for these emotions. It is important to avoid internalizing and suppressing these feelings, as this can lead to adverse effects. Instead, it is beneficial to channel aggression through physical activity.

I frequently experience a duality of identity, oscillating between the Buddhist and the depressed. In my professional capacity as a counselor, I endeavor to embody a positive and motivating presence. I embrace the world with a sentiment of love and appreciation.