At 29, how to move on from the pain of a past love that ended five years ago?

Dear questioner,

From your description, it seems you may be suffering from a stress disorder, though I'm not sure if you've been diagnosed. You say the two of you don't get along well, but you're still reluctant to leave because of your first love complex. Everyone has a first love complex to a greater or lesser extent, but as time goes by, people's thoughts, including complexes, will change. You now realize that you are being held back by this first love, so you're looking for a way to solve your own pain. I believe the root of the problem may be

[1] It is possible that the failure of the first sexual encounter has left you with some concerns. Sex is an important aspect of a man's self-esteem, and it can be seen that a man's desire to conquer is reflected in various aspects, especially in sexual behavior. This failure may have had an impact on the questioner's self-esteem.

[2] It seems that the questioner is being cautious because he is concerned that his girlfriend may end the relationship. Given that this is his first love, he is being careful in everything he does, which may lead his girlfriend to question his motives.

[3] You may feel trapped, but it's possible that you're unable to live your true self because all your attention is focused on your girlfriend. This may have a lot to do with your low self-esteem, which could make it easy to develop a personality that is prone to pleasing others.

It might be helpful to consider the following suggestion:

1: It might be helpful to consider seeking professional psychological treatment. Such treatment can often provide valuable insights that can help us better understand and recognize ourselves.

2: It might be helpful to try to find your inner strength. The outside world is ever-changing, and things don't always turn out as we might wish. It might be beneficial to try to be less idealistic, learn to face reality, accept that it exists, and try not to shut yourself away.

3: A good relationship is based on respect, trust, and equality. If your girlfriend is constantly hurting you, it may be a sign that the relationship is not right for you. People who love each other should be able to get along well and respect each other. It may be helpful to focus less on the past and more on the present and future.

It is my sincere hope that the above will prove helpful to the questioner.

Hello, question asker.

You have invested a great deal in your first love, and because you love each other, you have always been careful. However, your first love did not fully comprehend this. Additionally, you were rejected by your first love due to your inability to have children after your first sexual experience, which caused you significant distress and left you with a mental burden that has been challenging to overcome.

I can relate to your feelings and I hope my answer will be helpful to you.

➡️ I would like to suggest that you take a look at your self-analysis. "Suffering from stress disorder." Is this your self-diagnosis or a conclusion reached after seeing a psychologist? If your "stress disorder" is only manifested in "five years of being afraid to get involved in a relationship," then this conclusion may be open to debate.

It would be beneficial to ensure that this definition does not limit your personal growth.

Secondly, it seems that you are interested in pursuing a new relationship. However, you may be uncertain about how to begin. That's why you've come here seeking guidance and a solution.

I believe this could be considered your "breaking the cycle" action, and I applaud you for taking this step!

➡️ "I have a first love complex" and the previous sentence "suffering from stress disorder" both reflect the fact that you tend to view yourself in a certain way. Having a first love complex means that you value the feelings of your first love, but it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to hold on to it. You also said that you were more immature five years ago, so your first love may not be the ideal match for you now.

➡️ You haven't started a new relationship in five years. Have you ever considered the possibility that it might be due to a lack of self-confidence? For instance, if your first love says you're skinny, have you considered working out more to gain more confidence?

➡️ You are cautious because you love someone, but perhaps there are ways to approach this that don't require such caution. Have you considered this? In a relationship, it's important for both people to appreciate and tolerate each other, and to be able to express their own thoughts directly.

Could it be, then, that your first love was not the ideal match for you?

I hope the above provides some food for thought and helps you to consider a different perspective. Best wishes!