At six months pregnant, after learning the gender of the fetus, feeling extremely distressed and wanting an abortion, what should I do?

It's totally normal to feel this way! It can be really distressing and painful to see your current complicated pregnancy situation, and it's understandable that you're looking forward to a boy appearing in your body. You want a son rather than a daughter, and this idea is deeply rooted in your mind. It's not forced on you by others, and it's okay to feel this way!

You're experiencing extreme pain and are eager to induce labor, but you can't have an abortion because you're already six months pregnant and the fetus is completely stable. This is a challenging situation, but you've got this! Your husband's family doesn't care about the gender at all, but you don't want to have a daughter?

However, our society and the laws of nature have already determined that things cannot always develop according to our wishes. What you want may not necessarily happen, but that's okay! You can currently be seen to be engaging in self-injurious behavior, and I highly recommend that you go to the psychiatric department of a hospital as soon as possible for a diagnosis.

Perhaps your current situation is still not accepted, and it is already affecting your physical and mental health. You feel sick and disgusted, and there is no happy mother-child relationship at all. You even feel that the fetus in your belly is devouring your life like a parasite. But don't worry! There is a way out.

You can't accept taking care of a girl. You feel very resistant. Perhaps this girl was born with a doomed fate. At the same time, your other family members can actually help you. If you can't accept her, at least don't hurt her. You don't have to force yourself to love her now. Just fulfill your basic responsibilities. Leave the other things to your husband and their family. I recommend that you seek psychological counseling. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello. I empathize with you, and I can help you. I will make some speculations based on your description. If I offend or make a mistake, forgive me. I hope we will have more in-depth exchanges.

From what you've told me, you liked the baby before you knew the gender. After you found out, you started to have all kinds of anxieties and nightmares. Your husband doesn't dislike girls, so he doesn't prefer boys over girls.

I want to know why you're afraid of this child. Why does the gender contrast affect you so much?

You may even want to divorce after giving birth to the child. If you do, I want to know if the child will go to you or your husband.

Your inner choice is different, and your reasons are different.

I believe there are two possibilities here. First, you grew up in a patriarchal environment where you were the only daughter. This meant your family did not want a second child (family planning). Your father was still very good to you, but he was always filled with regret at not having a son.

Your father has always blamed your birth for depriving him of a son because you are a daughter.

You have always longed for your father's approval. You said that your father died 10 years ago, and you have never been able to get your father's approval. So when you got pregnant, if you were pregnant with a boy, that would satisfy your deceased father's regret.

A girl would undoubtedly negate you and prevent you from ever satisfying your father.

Your original family valued boys over girls, and your mother suffered greatly in this environment. You are afraid of repeating your mother's mistakes, so you need to get a divorce after the baby is born.

This is a possibility.

Another possibility is that your mother was very dominant and critical of you and your father. This has led to an internalized hatred of the female gender, which has caused you to fear that you or your daughter will become like your mother and devour your family after your daughter is born.

You don't want to have her. Even if you do, you want a divorce.

The situation you described is very rare, so I can't be sure of my judgment. However, I want to be clear that children themselves are not harmful.

When you are full of fear of your child, it is because your past experiences have left an indelible mark on you. You have brought them into the present, where your child will hurt you in this way.

You can talk to me if you need to. I'm here to help. Your past experiences have affected your family and life. I can help you.

Hello question asker!

I was shocked by your question. I started answering questions in December 2020, and I've never encountered anyone with such strong emotions.

I don't know what you've been through before age 30, but I feel your pain. I hug you again!

You can't be kind to others without going through their suffering. I'm shocked by your thoughts and actions, but I understand and accept them. You're suffering the most, but you and your unborn child are lucky because you have a husband who loves you and doesn't care about gender. If the child could choose to be reborn, he wouldn't want his mother to suffer so much. But he has no choice over his parents. Can you think like this now? He has no right to choose, and his life and death really lie in your hands.

She's so innocent!

If the child were only yours, I'd want you to do as you wish. But the child is also the father's. You know this, which is why you listened to the father's advice and agreed to give birth to him. You said you'd divorce the father after giving birth. I think you'd leave him and let the child stay with the in-laws.

Your child's father is here trying to persuade you to stay. You think you are acting on emotion, but emotions can be unstable during pregnancy. You can't always control yourself. If you feel this bad when the baby is born, it's fine for the baby's father and grandparents to raise the child. There is no need to get a divorce to avoid seeing the child. You can discuss it with the child's father and grandparents. You are free to do as you wish.

I'm persuading you like this because I think so. Maybe the past 30 years of your life have been too difficult. I could be wrong. If I am, please forgive me. I noticed that your father passed away ten years ago and that it was your father who cooked for you. I thought your mother either left you or is no longer in this world. Why don't you want to see a replica of yourself?

You might think you caused your parents' problems and blame yourself, so you don't want another version of yourself to start over.

If it's not the above, I think you don't forgive yourself. You feel that having a daughter is your sin. You think she should suffer. But if it were a son, you could avoid repeating your fate. I think you love this child the most. You love your daughter more than your son. You would rather not let your daughter come into the world. Motherly love is great. It shows in strange ways. I just think you're not the type to prefer a son to a daughter.

Your last sentence shows you are not softhearted. I hope you can forgive yourself. If you can afford it, see a professional. If not, come here more often. Holding in your emotions makes them worse. Expressing them helps you.

Your questions are clear and logical. You've probably received a lot of education. Let your knowledge help you. There are always more ways than difficulties. Think positively about how to solve your current problem.

I don't ask you to be perfect, just be calm during your pregnancy. And finally, love yourself! The world and I love you!

Dear friend,

As a mom, I just can't accept that my little girl doesn't feel like she's her own person.

As I mentioned in the article, I really don't want her to become a carbon copy of me!

It's so sad to hear how strong your heartbreak is. You have nightmares, you see scenes of injury, you feel despair, you want to commit suicide, and the burden of facing his birth has made you carry too much. It's so hard! The pressure and pain are already beyond what you can soothe and support yourself with through self-regulation and the support and strength of your family.

My dear friend, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. Reading your description made me feel heavy and sad for you. If you can, I really encourage you to seek professional psychological help. It'll be worth it in the long run.

A teacher once said something really lovely that I think you'll find comforting. She said that a mother is like Mother Earth, nurturing all living things. Without women, there would be no men.

I can see that you're feeling pretty desperate and rejected as a woman, and I can understand why. It's totally normal to feel this way, especially when you're pregnant. It's also totally normal to feel this way about your daughter and your mother.

I'm not sure what your original family and upbringing were like, but I'm here to listen if you'd like to share. What were your feelings and experiences along the way, and what was your journey of the heart like?

However, looking at your existing family resources, including your husband's special love for you and his willingness to be as accommodating as possible and give you support and care, including this small family that you are now restructuring, is still a resource that you can make good use of to support yourself.

It's also your own trauma that's come back to the surface now that you're pregnant. It's still so strong, and it's really important for you to find a professional counselor or doctor for treatment or consultation as soon as you can.

Dear Question Asker,

After learning that the baby in your womb was a girl, you experienced a range of intense emotions. You struggled to accept the idea of caring for a carbon copy of yourself and expressed feelings of intense dislike towards the child's arrival. Additionally, you engaged in some self-injurious behaviors. From your description, it seems that you have significant difficulties accepting yourself, and you are transferring these negative emotions towards this unborn child.

It is also a possibility that your depression is caused by changes in hormone levels during pregnancy.

Your husband remains supportive and does not agree to divorce you following the birth of the child. Your current situation requires immediate professional psychological counseling to allow you to reasonably vent the strong emotions you are experiencing.

As a final option, if you are unable to care for and protect your baby after giving birth, you may wish to consider asking your family to assist with childcare. It is understandable that you may feel disgusted with the unborn child due to emotional or traumatic emotions, and that you are deeply distressed and uncomfortable with your inability to care for the child. These feelings will be relieved after seeking professional counseling.

Furthermore, you are aware that there is nothing you can do to prevent the birth of this child. For the sake of your health and safety, it is important to maintain stability in your emotions. You and your family can seek the guidance of a reliable local counselor or visit the psychiatric department of a hospital. It is essential to grant yourself permission and acceptance, prioritize self-care, and communicate regularly with your husband and close friends.

The situation will improve, so it is important to maintain a positive outlook.