Born into an abnormal family, mentally and physically exhausted, unable to escape, what can you do?

Dear Questioner, My name is Yang Yiqing, a listener on the Yi Xinli platform. I would like to discuss your situation with you and offer you my assistance.

From your description, I can see that you were a kind and intelligent child. At the same time, seeing you grow up in such a challenging family environment and still facing significant difficulties, I empathize with your situation. You have demonstrated resilience and sound judgment, and I commend you for your efforts.

Next, we will examine your current challenges and explore potential solutions.

1. It is time to become independent.

You are already 18 years old and an adult. Despite the challenges you have faced, you have grown into a fully independent and complete person from a physiological and legal support perspective. Given the circumstances of your upbringing, you have the option to leave your family and pursue a life of independence and self-sufficiency.

[Advice and methods]

Attain financial independence.

Economic development is the foundation for the realization of the superstructure. For personal growth, achieving economic independence is the minimum requirement for achieving personal independence in life. You can engage in some holiday work or find part-time work during the holidays. Work will not only provide financial income, but also enhance your self-confidence and growth.

It would be beneficial to consider a physical separation.

If the pandemic had not caused disruptions, would you have considered remaining in school? I have researched this and found that many college students choose to remain in school during every holiday. They use their time off to study or work, and they often have the support of their classmates, which helps to make their holidays more fulfilling.

A reduction in the frequency and duration of visits to your family home will temporarily isolate you from them on a physical level, which is an effective way to facilitate your personal growth. By ensuring your safety, your holidays will be free from the negative influence of family factors, allowing you to maintain a more peaceful state of mind. Alternatively, you could consider enrolling in a holiday "training camp," where you can learn and develop new skills under the guidance of an instructor, which will be beneficial for your future career. Additionally, you may wish to explore the option of volunteering, where you can travel and gain experience while making connections.

Spiritual Independence

The aforementioned points are based on material independence. Spiritual independence is the most crucial, yet also the most challenging and time-consuming process. To achieve spiritual independence, the following may be required:

1) Gain an understanding of psychology, with a particular focus on the family of origin, which is a significant area of study within the field.

2) Enhance self-awareness by understanding your own emotions and thoughts.

3) Learn to distinguish between issues and reduce the negative influence of your parents on you.

4) Develop the ability to empathize with your parents.

Secondly, it is of the utmost importance to respect yourself.

It is more beneficial to focus on self-respect than on seeking external validation. By developing self-respect, individuals can gain a sense of self-worth and confidence, reducing the need to seek external approval.

[Advice and methods]

Document your strengths to demonstrate your worthiness of love.

In order to foster self-love, it is essential to prioritize self-care and self-compassion. Rather than seeking external validation, it is crucial to recognize and embrace one's inherent worth.

It is important to develop effective communication skills, express your thoughts and feelings, and assert your needs. You should also have the confidence to decline requests that do not align with your goals and interests. Passive acceptance of arrangements is not an option.

Best regards,

Should you have any further questions or require additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me. Best regards, [Name]

Dear child, Thank you for reaching out for help after feeling the pain. This is very brave and wise. Cloud hugs you. As a mother of a soon-to-be high school sophomore, I also ask you to hug yourself tightly and tell yourself, "I have bravely and strongly walked this path, and I will continue to do so. Thank you! You are wonderful!"

The father was a domestic abuser, often beating, screaming, swearing, and arguing with the mother, who would scream hysterically and be restrained. She was also a domestic abuser. Later, she was affected and gave up on the college entrance exam, went to a second-class high school, and was praised for being sensible. The father, who was the breadwinner, wanted the family to be grateful to him and spoke as if he were giving orders. In junior high school, she felt that she had psychological problems but didn't say anything. Before the college entrance exam, she had a nervous breakdown, but even so, she still passed the undergraduate line. However, due to family financial reasons, she was once again forced to give up (on a private undergraduate degree) and choose a junior college. She felt very bad about it, and during the summer vacation, she didn't go out and didn't want to communicate. Every day, she was especially tired and was forced to take the driver's test. She failed the first test because her parents said they were ashamed of her, and she was too tired. Every day, she felt physically and mentally oppressed and wanted to seek help to self-regulate. She felt that she had no personal freedom and didn't have her parents' respect.

It took a lot of effort to recapitulate the problem. Even this superficial view of your living environment makes people feel so oppressed that they can't breathe. My child, thank you for your strong and beautiful vitality, which allows us to see you, discuss the problem together, seek solutions together, and grow together.

Our original family is a gift from God and is closely bound to our parents. We must live completely independently before we can choose otherwise.

This gift may be beautiful, warm, and surprising. It may also be vulgar, flawed, and painful. Regardless, it will accompany you until you become self-aware and reflect. Ideally, this will happen sooner rather than later. If you have just graduated from high school, you can already ask for help when you are confused. This will help you adjust your direction and start your real life.

Your father's domestic violence is a simple and crude method for better control and management, but it is effective. Our ancestors have always said that "a good son comes from under the rod." Neither your mother nor you were subjected to domestic violence because you were not good enough or outstanding enough. You were subjected to it because that was the only tool your father could use to educate his children and manage the family, as well as a way for him to vent his emotions.

You are amazing, my child! You have endured so much, both physically and mentally. You have also had to face a lot of anger and guilt towards your mother. But you have persevered and completed your studies, even passing the undergraduate line. You have shown incredible perseverance and willpower!

It's normal to feel miserable, to break down, and to not want to communicate with others in that kind of living environment. These are all self-protection mechanisms of the human body. Obey your heart. Build a warm nest in your heart so that the little person in your heart, who has gone through all these things with you, can lie comfortably inside. Tell him it's safe here. The annoying people and things that make you scared are all isolated outside the thick walls of the nest. Here, you can stretch your body and mind to your heart's content and be yourself.

You have made great strides in understanding your own heart and the patterns of your family of origin. You have come to recognize the reasons behind these patterns. I am certain that you will soon have an answer. I recall reading an article that said, "Heaven will bestow great responsibilities on an ordinary person. It must first afflict the mind, tire the flesh and bones, starve the body, deprive the person of everything, and confound their actions. The person will be moved to endure, and their nature will be strengthened. They will be able to do what they were unable to do before." This is your time. At your age, you may see only the pain and helplessness of life and the grief of having no choice. But my child, believe this: every step you take today, every rational reflection in your mind, and every feeling in your current life will be a valuable life experience that sets you apart from others.

I am impressed that you can ask questions and describe problems objectively and rationally. Your aunt, who is probably the same age as your mother, sees your broad-mindedness and your reason and maturity, which far surpass those of your peers. You have never given up on yourself, and although you have had to give up several times during your growth process, I don't see any resentment towards your parents in your words. The future of such a kind child will probably be bright.

You have the right to choose. God has given you the power to take control of your life. You are responsible for your actions and the way you live your life. You have the right to decide who you are and what you want to be. Congratulations, you are already exercising this right at such a young age.

Everyone is born with their own life mission. Many people, however, remain trapped in their original family without realizing it, perpetuating the cycle from generation to generation. This is fate. When you ask this question, you open a crack in your destiny. Let in a little sunshine. Walk through it. Take control of your destiny.

Best wishes.

It is essential to define one's genuine aspirations and then strive to advance in that direction.

Dear, After reading your autobiography, I empathize with your feelings of disappointment and helplessness. However, I encourage you to persevere, even if the circumstances you face are challenging. With the right approach, setbacks can become stepping stones, enabling you to continue moving towards your goal. In life, we often have limited control over certain circumstances, such as our birth, our family, and our parents. Your experiences with an abusive father, a hysterical mother, and a powerless self have shaped your identity.

It is important to take stock of one's current circumstances. You have successfully gained admission to a college or university and have plans to continue your studies. You are in good health and possess a clear mind. When you encounter difficulties, you are able to seek assistance, for instance, by posting on Yixinli. This demonstrates that your IQ, EQ, and resilience quotient are all online, and you are financially conscious.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the type of future you aspire to, your areas of interest, your expertise, and your plans for your future life. It is recommended that you first establish an image in your mind and then work backwards. Additionally, it is advised that you consider timeframes, such as three years, one year, six months, and three months, to gain clarity on your goals.

By identifying the discrepancy between one's objectives and the resources available to them, a list of tasks can be generated. Furthermore, by working backwards in time, a sequence can be established.

One might inquire as to whether familial and original familial issues require resolution. In fact, one may discover that these issues are not among one's primary concerns, or at the very least, are of lesser importance.

The reason is that they are merely recollections of your upbringing. The reason you perceive them as significant and impactful is that you are still accustomed to a retrospective outlook. This is analogous to the elephant in the circus, which has matured to the point where it can elevate its feet and exit the ring. However, due to the memory of being subdued by the animal trainer upon attempting this, it eventually relinquishes further attempts to leave the ring. You are currently an adult. It is imperative to acknowledge and ascertain your own fortitude, and to establish the foundation for your own life and career, rather than persistently seeking refuge in the shadow of your parents.

The future may appear to be a distant prospect, but regardless of how distant a goal may seem, if one is realistic and employs appropriate methods, the distance between oneself and the goal will be reduced. Being realistic means, first and foremost, being certain that one will not abandon the goal, accepting the current situation, rather than avoiding reality or remaining idle.

Any hardship or difficulty is a gift from life. As long as we persevere, the past will become a monument to our future. Otherwise, why are celebrity biographies that stir the blood of the reader so popular? It can be reasonably argued that "difficulties and hardships make a person successful." If the method is appropriate, for example, if one fails three times, it would be beneficial to study the mentality and learning methods, and then find the right resources to make breakthroughs one by one.

It is important to learn how to leverage your efforts, to stand on the shoulders of giants in order to gain a broader perspective, to read more and to think critically, to accumulate experience and to seek advice when necessary, to insist on self-discipline and emotional management, to continue to accumulate in the right direction, and to recognize that time is the best investment for achieving the greatest return.

The poster hugs you, and seeing your description, I feel your many sorrows and helplessness. Everyone has seen your request for help and wants to help you, my friend.

I really hope some of these suggestions help!

1. Let it all out! Release those negative emotions.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. I'm wondering, what are the host's inner feelings when facing her father's domestic violence against her mother? Anger, fear, helplessness, powerlessness, shame?

In such a tense family, the poor host has really suffered too much. It's so unfair! Your parents' negative emotions will always be transmitted to you, so how do you vent?

It would be great for you to have friends to talk to and hobbies you enjoy!

The poor host was forced to take driving lessons and to give up his undergraduate studies for a diploma. All of this suppressed the host's own wishes. It's so unfair! Parents fully support their children, but the host feels no love and only pressure and pain. All of these things one by one make the host feel very sad and depressed.

What can make you happy? Maybe something delicious to eat?

I know it can be tough, but why not try visiting the park or getting in touch with nature?

Take a moment to think about it.

2. Emotional isolation

It's important to remember that parents have their own emotions and problems to deal with.

The host is really smart to have figured out that his father's overly commanding manner and condescending attitude has created an imbalance in the family relationship, making it very rigid and tense.

The host also realized that he'd been struggling with some mental health challenges since junior high, and that these issues had been shaped by his family relationships.

It would be really great for the host's mental health if they could learn to isolate their emotions, stay away from their very conflicting and negative emotions, and not carry too heavy a psychological burden.

3. It's so important to learn to express your own thoughts!

The host is a very sweet child who has always been very obedient. He puts his parents' wishes above his own, and he's always happy to do whatever he can to make them happy.

The host should know that you are beautiful and worthwhile in your own right. You deserve to be loved by your parents!

It's totally normal for there to be a difference between what your parents want and what you truly want. The host has also grown up and can often express their own ideas to their parents. If the host isn't willing to learn to drive, they can just tell the other person what they want to do. They don't expect the other person to understand or support them right away, but they do want them to understand that they have the right to choose what they want to do.

The father's rude treatment of the mother will also make the host extremely fearful or afraid of conflict. But, conflicts are common in life, so I really hope the host can stand firm in their choices, bravely express their opinions, and disagree with their parents. This is the first step towards independence, and I know they can do it!

4. Look for what you can agree on while accepting that you might not see eye to eye on everything. Treat each other with respect as equals.

My dad is passionate and determined, while my mom is emotional and gentle.

But don't let a few personality flaws stop you from seeing them as good parents. You just have to find a way to get along with them.

It's so important to express your thoughts to your father with respect. Try to get a chance to breathe, and always let your father know how important it is to treat each other with equal respect and to keep some space between you.

Moms, we know you're doing your best. But we also know that sometimes it can feel overwhelming. It's okay to take a moment to calm your emotions, boost your self-confidence, and learn to ask for help when you need it. It's also important to build more social resources and protect yourself. When you're facing challenges with your partner, it's crucial to stand your ground. Don't compromise, don't tolerate, and speak up with confidence. You deserve to be heard and respected.

The host himself must work hard to develop himself, find ways to balance emotions, and solve problems. Make more friends, open up, cultivate hobbies, release the thoughts that are suppressed in your heart, find your own happiness, and start your new university life!

In the landlord's life, there are many things we cannot choose, but having such an encounter is not a reason for you to lose happiness. There are still very beautiful things waiting for you to discover in life, and there are very kind, sincere, and beautiful people. You came to the world for a walk, and you want to see the sun!

The sun rises in the east and sets in the west every day. Some people complain that it's hot, some that it doesn't appear, and some that it's annoying. But the sun will always be the sun, and it won't change with anyone's will. It's independent and powerful, and so can you be, host!

Hello, child. I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I can sense the challenges and difficulties you have faced growing up. I offer you a hug and hope you can feel some warmth and support. From your description, I understand that you particularly desire your parents' respect and understanding. You mentioned that you feel constrained in your personal freedom because your parents have not allowed you to pursue a private undergraduate degree?

I understand that it can be challenging to make suggestions at home, especially when it comes to matters close to your heart. It can be difficult to navigate differing opinions and expectations within a family, especially when you have your own ideas and perspectives.

All children want respect, understanding, support, and encouragement from their parents. However, not all parents are aware of the best ways to respect and understand their children. We can't blame parents for this, as they may have genuinely tried their best. They are ordinary people who can't always give us everything we want. We can understand this when we were children, and it wasn't until I became a mother that I fully grasped these truths and came to understand the limitations of parents even more. This made me realize that to change our own destiny and state of life, we need to become independent. Ultimately, the only person who can truly control our lives is ourselves.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

It might be helpful to consider the limitations of your parents, as well as the things you can and cannot change.

As children, we all have very high expectations of our parents. I used to think that my parents could help me solve all my problems and that they would be perfect. As I grew older, however, I came to realize that they were actually very ordinary people. They have their own joys and sorrows, and they worry about many things. They also have a lot of expectations for their children, and those expectations are more like their unfulfilled desires.

It seems that your father feels that supporting the family and family members makes him grateful, and he speaks and orders. Your mother is always hysterical and is controlled by your father. But, after so many years, have they never changed? It would be interesting to know whether your father still speaks and orders, and whether your mother still feels controlled by your father.

This suggests that this is their way of relating to each other. If they are not open to change, or if they are not aware that change is necessary, it can be challenging for us to influence them.

There is a Chinese saying that goes, "There are only three things in this world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven." Many people are troubled because they worry about other people's affairs and feel like they have no control over their own. It can be difficult for us to change the actions and thoughts of our parents, but it's important to understand and accept them. I know this can be challenging, especially when we feel angry towards our parents.

It's okay if you can't accept it right now. There's no need to force yourself to do so. When you're ready, you can release the anger and grievances in your heart (I'll introduce how to release the anger in your heart later). Then, you can try to accept it. Reconciling with your parents takes time and a process. Take your time, and believe that it will get better and better.

It's understandable that we can't ask our parents for something they don't have. It's like we can't ask a beggar for gold. He doesn't have any himself, so how can he give it to others?

2. You might consider communicating with your mother to express your concerns and feelings.

It's possible that your father is challenging to communicate with, but from your description, it seems like your mother should be able to understand your concerns. Have you had a chance to share your true feelings with her? Does she understand your feelings and sense of helplessness? I wonder if, once she knows, she might be able to provide some psychological support and encouragement, even if she can't change your current situation.

You could perhaps say to your mother, "Mom, when I finally passed the undergraduate line and could go to a private school, but my father felt that he couldn't afford the hundred thousand yuan for a private school, so he just said that as long as he didn't have to pay, it didn't matter what happened. Although I chose to go to a junior college, I felt somewhat unhappy about it.

I feel disrespected. I would really appreciate your support and encouragement, as well as your respect and understanding.

If it wouldn't be an imposition, Mom, could you tell me how you feel and what your needs are? In the future, would you be so kind as to give me more support and encouragement?

"

It might also be helpful to listen to what your mother has to say and try to understand her needs and feelings. It's possible that she doesn't know how to support you, or that she wants to but is limited in what she can do.

3. It would be helpful for you to find a way to release your anger and resentment.

It is important to remember that suppressing your emotions is not the solution. In addition to talking to your mother, there are other ways to relieve and release your grievances and anger.

It is beneficial to socialize with friends who can provide support and encouragement, and with whom you feel comfortable. This allows you to vent your worries and confusions, which can be cathartic. It is important to note that not all friends are equally beneficial in this way.

You might consider going for a workout, doing those sports you like, and relaxing your body and mind during the exercise.

Writing can be a therapeutic practice. You may find it helpful to write down all your feelings and thoughts on paper. There is no need to worry about whether your handwriting is neat and tidy, or whether the content is logical. You can simply express yourself as much as you like.

Writing can be a therapeutic practice. You may find it helpful to write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. There is no need to worry about whether your handwriting is clear and neat, or to pay attention to the logic of the content. You can simply express your feelings as much as you like.

One way to release anger is to punch pillows or sandbags, which provides a safe and controlled way to vent your frustrations.

If I might make a suggestion, perhaps we could try...

You might find it helpful to use the technique of an empty chair to release emotions. One way to do this is to place an empty chair in a room and assume that the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. This can be a way to express yourself without directly addressing the person. You can feel free to express any emotions you are experiencing, including anger or abuse.

4. Attending a junior college does not necessarily preclude personal growth. It is important to believe in our potential for development.

It is understandable to feel that pursuing a technical degree may limit future prospects. However, many of my friends who studied for a technical degree went on to pursue postgraduate studies and have all ended up doing very well. The college entrance exam is not the end of our studies, but rather the beginning of a new stage in our lives.

Similarly, I am currently employed in a field that differs from my college major, and I am doing quite well. This leads me to believe that one's life is not solely defined by their performance on the college entrance exam, and that there are other factors that contribute to a person's worth.

It's important to remember that we always have a choice. For instance, during the summer holidays, we could choose to stay at home or we could choose to go out and work as a summer job to gain experience in different roles and earn some pocket money at the same time.

While you may not yet be at your strongest, with dedication and effort, you can continuously enhance your abilities and become the person you aspire to be. It's important to recognize that parents cannot be with us forever, and their influence may not always be absolute.

I believe that when you have the ability to take care of yourself, you can have a freer and more comfortable life. I hope that day will come for you too.

I encourage you to keep going and to believe in yourself.

Dear questioner,

It is distressing to observe the challenges you have faced since childhood. Having experienced domestic violence during your formative years, you endured a pervasive atmosphere of fear on a daily basis. It is difficult to fathom the resilience you have demonstrated in navigating these circumstances. You have made remarkable strides.

It is noteworthy that despite the challenging circumstances of your upbringing, you demonstrated remarkable resilience and academic achievement, not only in entering high school but also in attaining the requisite scores for admission to the undergraduate level. It is estimated that less than half of all high school graduates are able to achieve this level of academic success, which serves to illustrate your exceptional aptitude for learning. It is likely that your academic trajectory would have been even more impressive had your parents been able to provide you with the resources necessary to access a superior education.

The past is irrevocably lost to us; it cannot be altered. However, we retain the capacity to modify our present circumstances and future prospects.

In the past, you were unable to survive independently and were therefore reliant on your parents for survival. In order to survive, you suppressed your own needs and endured injustices, but this is not your fault. In psychology, this is referred to as a defence mechanism.

It is important to note that individuals in college can support themselves financially through part-time employment. This allows them to financially contribute to their studies while also reducing their reliance on family, particularly their fathers, who may expect gratitude. This can prevent the emergence of accusations and provide a sense of self-worth. Additionally, it can help individuals avoid situations that cause discomfort. This can lead to a sense of liberation, both physically and mentally, allowing for a broader perspective on future possibilities.

From an internal perspective, the fact of having been a victim in the past does not necessarily imply a lack of agency in the present.

The process of exploring one's childhood and uncovering associated emotional trauma is not an exercise in self-absorbed nostalgia or self-pity. Rather, it is an opportunity to gain insight into the factors that have shaped one's present circumstances. This understanding can then be transformed into inner resources and motivation to facilitate the taking of tentative steps in a new direction.

Naturally, this process requires a fundamental belief that it is acceptable to consistently reinforce the following: the misfortunes of one's childhood do not inevitably lead to a lifetime of misfortune; the passive and powerless individual represents a past self, not a present one; personal growth and the potential for enhanced strength are attainable, and external support can be sought when necessary.

The act of forgiving one's family of origin does not entail forgiving others; rather, it involves understanding, accepting, and allowing oneself.

The capacity to understand oneself is a challenging feat, particularly when one has endured significant mistreatment.

The acceptance of one's own identity, including the recognition of past resentment towards one's parents, allows for the integration of the hurtful experiences from the past without the need for immediate rejection or the forced maturation of these feelings.

In the absence of internal conflict, individuals are better able to direct their attention toward their own lives and how to live them. While the past is beyond one's control, there is potential for action in the future. This raises the question: What kind of life do I want to lead?

From a behavioral perspective, psychology posits that sublimation represents the most adaptive defense mechanism.

To illustrate, consider the case of Mr. A, a 19-year-old individual experiencing anger towards his controlling father. He engages in martial arts training and has attained the rank of black belt in karate, a feat that elicits pride. His subconscious conflict can be delineated as follows:

I am filled with such intense animosity towards my father that I am driven to the point of homicidal rage.

VS

The act of hurting one's father is perceived as being wrong.

This conflict causes anxiety, and the ego employs the defense mechanism of sublimation for protection. Sublimation is a highly adaptive defense mechanism that enables individuals to gratify certain maladaptive desires and feelings through engagement in meaningful or socially acceptable activities. Mr. A partially satisfied his urge to assault his father by engaging in controlled combat with other individuals, while simultaneously complying with the superego's prohibition against his aggressive behavior towards his father. He derived positive affect from his actions, indicating that this defense was adaptive for him.

This case study may be referenced in order to facilitate the development of one's own sublimation defense mechanism.

In the event that these self-help behaviors prove ineffective in facilitating resolution, it is recommended that you seek the guidance of a professional counselor. It is anticipated that this course of action will prove beneficial.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you, and I extend my best wishes for a happy life.

Hello, questioner! From my personal experience, I suggest that you just do your best to get the job done. Don't pay too much attention to your parents' opinions, whether they criticize or praise you. You've got this!

Don't worry about it!

Since I couldn't get into a second-tier university, I studied hard at a junior college. In fact, the cost of a second-tier private university, which is more than 100,000 yuan per year, has discouraged many people from enrolling. You may feel a bit sorry that you can't study for a bachelor's degree. But don't worry! As someone who has been there, I can tell you that there are also great prospects for junior college graduates.

The great news is that there's not much difference between a private second-class undergraduate degree and a junior college degree. So, if you really want to have a bachelor's degree, you can take a junior college to university program. You might even get into a better and more prestigious public undergraduate university! This is a very common situation, so don't worry if it applies to you.

It's okay if you fail the first exam a few times. That's totally normal! Why don't you relax a bit and then prepare for the next exam? You can go do some exercise every day, do something you like, relax a bit, and relieve some of the pressure.

We can't choose our parents, but we can choose how to live our lives! So let's be ourselves and live the way we like.

My parents didn't help pay for my high school or university fees, but that didn't stop me! I relied on others' help and scholarships to study and work part-time to get by. My father used to say that studying was useless, but I proved him wrong! I went on to work in a factory, and it was a great experience.

Now that my parents are getting old, their words are much gentler than before. They are also different from before. When I think about the past, the hardships I have experienced actually served as a growth accelerant. If you fail an exam, just take it again! It's okay, you have to be confident, you can have a better life in the future!

Greetings, younger sibling.

In such a family, there are numerous instances where we are unable to exercise choice. When we are confronted with the pressures of the college entrance exam and the expectations of our parents, we frequently find ourselves at a loss. I have a profound understanding of this predicament and empathize with the emotional state that accompanies it. During our formative years, when we lacked the capacity for autonomy, we often relied on moral principles and familial relationships as sources of guidance.

It is evident that there is a discrepancy between the needs of the individual and the ability of the family unit to meet those needs. When there are numerous issues that cannot be discussed with the family, a sense of understanding is derived.

Upon returning home, I observed my father's irritable demeanor and my mother's evident distress. I was immediately concerned for their well-being.

There are numerous issues I wish to discuss with them, yet I am unable to do so. During our formative years, our needs are often disregarded by our parents.

It would be beneficial to identify an opportunity to communicate with our parents that we have matured, have aspirations for the future, and have the autonomy to make our own decisions regarding how to live our lives. It is important to listen to them with sincerity and engage in dialogue with them.

In the event of parental disagreement, one may always elect to construct one's own future. It is this author's personal opinion that academic qualifications are of minimal consequence.

Furthermore, it is beneficial to pursue one's interests. It should be noted that the rate at which this is achieved varies from person to person.

It would be prudent to quietly identify one's inner interests and motivations, which could be likened to rock climbing at the pinnacle of the current situation.

One should proceed gradually, initially addressing the immediate challenge of survival and subsequently developing one's own capabilities.

Some of the work of wealth provides individuals with a greater number of options.

It is evident that beyond the confines of an academic institution, there exists a plethora of invaluable literary works that can serve as a source of guidance and inspiration. The lives and experiences of eminent historical figures offer a wealth of insights and wisdom that can be harnessed to inform and enrich our own lives. Belief in oneself and the determination to pursue a unique and fulfilling path are essential qualities that can facilitate the realization of one's aspirations.

I wish you the utmost success in your pursuit and encourage you to chart the course of your future life independently. Live a life that is distinct from the one you have hitherto led.

I extend my gratitude to you and wish you a life of happiness and self-assurance.

Hello, I've read your question and I feel for you. You've spoken about it, so let me respond.

First, you are now an adult. This means you are independent. The first thing you must do is:

You must think for yourself.

Take responsibility for your actions.

Next, the second point is about your parents.

You can't resolve your parents' conflicts. You can only accept them as they are.

Your father works hard to provide for the family and your mother has not had an easy time raising you. They are your closest family members. Even if you don't love them, don't hate them.

How can I get rid of it?

Going to college means leaving home and starting a new life. So from now on, you need to:

The past is the past. Think about who you want to become.

What kind of family will you build with your partner when you get married and have children?

You probably know what to do.

Plan your future and work hard.

Fourth, psychological problems.

Read more books on psychology. If you can't afford counseling, read books on the topic. You can find books on psychology on your phone. I have a book called "Psychology A to Z." I check the table of contents when I'm confused. You can find books and methods that suit you.

Cheer up! You can overcome any obstacle. Life is about overcoming difficulties. Believe in yourself. You will find solutions.

If you have any problems, come to us. We love you.

Hello!

First, it's so important to let it all out and get those emotions out of your system. I think you've done a great job of seeking mutual support on a psychological platform.

Next, behind the emotional catharsis, we need to get close to our emotions and feel the most sincere voice in our hearts.

You love them so much because they're your parents. But they're not really qualified as parents, and they don't realize their own limitations and problems.

Children have always given their parents opportunities, but parents have never learned to grow, and they are even overconfident about their own shortcomings. It's a tough spot to be in!

If you find living with them very difficult, it might be time to ask yourself: where is the direction of life?

Sometimes the answer doesn't come right away. That's okay! You'll know when you're ready to make a judgment that is conducive to the development of things.

Studying to learn new things, looking for jobs, slowly becoming more financially independent, and having your own space to live in—these things might seem simple, but they can be really tough!

There's no need to worry about external factors or anyone from above. What matters is that you're aware of your own consciousness and that you never give up!

You deserve so much better than this! You deserve a better living environment and a better attitude.

I know it can be tough to give up opportunities for your parents, but I truly believe that you can repay the favor by embracing your own path. You've come so far, and now it's time to celebrate your journey!

It's so hard carrying a burden, isn't it? You really need to unload that psychological burden yourself. I truly believe that along your journey, which is bound to have some stops and starts, you will definitely meet people who are willing to explore life with you.

I really hope we can both grow up well! And remember to love yourself!

Good morning, Turning 18 is a significant milestone. However, you have been residing in an environment that is not conducive to positive growth, lacking the guidance and support of your parents. This is a challenging situation.

You have indicated that you are sensible, but I can see that you are also thoughtful and intelligent, and that you know how to protect yourself. You have come here to share your thoughts, which I believe will be a valuable exercise for you.

Despite the obstacles, you are responsible for judging the situation and reacting to it. You have the ability to control and influence certain aspects within your control. Set a small goal and make progress gradually.

Firstly, it is important to avoid negative comments from others. In order to achieve this, it is necessary to limit exposure to crowds, communication and negative comments. This approach may not necessarily have a positive effect on your state of mind. Once you have emptied your mind, you can then begin to adjust from your favourite hobbies.

There are also factors related to you that are beyond your control, which fall within your personal sphere. If you want to improve, you have to look within rather than outside. You can take the initiative to take responsibility for everything that happens within your personal sphere. This requires you to take responsibility for your judgment and response. At the same time, continue to accumulate your strength by expanding your controllable field. Don't assume that factors caused by external factors are uncontrollable. This kind of thinking will limit you. If you always condemn objective factors and complain and blame, it will only reflect your weakness.

Although you were required to take the driver's license test on multiple occasions, it was not at your discretion. You were unable to control the outcomes of your mistakes, and it was to be expected that you would have a higher rate of errors when you were under such significant pressure. You can apply the same techniques to help you obtain your driver's license.

Your mother has been subjected to repeated abuse at the hands of your father, which has caused significant distress to both of you. However, you have demonstrated remarkable resilience. Despite the considerable pressure, you were able to pass the undergraduate entrance exam. However, your father's words have undermined your efforts. This has left you feeling disappointed, sad and uncomfortable. It is important to remember that your parents were also children who had never experienced love, and therefore may not have learned how to respect you. It is essential to love yourself before you can teach others to love and respect you. When you love and respect yourself, others will follow your example. I hope my passing by is helpful to you. Come on!

Good day. I note that your question is lacking punctuation. It appears crowded and disorganized. Could it be said that your inner world is similarly crowded, with no room for yourself, very messy, and without a clue?

I believe you may be experiencing a sense of disconnect from your true self. This does not imply a lack of capability for success and self-improvement. Your willingness to seek assistance is a testament to your strength.

Rather, you lack the capacity to love yourself.

I was reminded of a key insight from my personal coach today. I inquired as to whether seeking out another would be perceived as a betrayal of my original father.

He stated that your search is not for another father figure, but rather for something you did not receive from your original paternal figure.

My personal experience aligns with the insights of my teacher. The concepts that come to mind are water, love, and the need to be loved and seen as worthy. This can be conceptualized as a kind of water, a necessity for us that must be identified. If we cannot find a father figure here, then we can find another. The father figure here is just one of eleven idealized roles, symbols, and a kind of strength.

It is evident that our fathers are unable to provide this. However, we must refrain from self-oppression in pursuit of this kind of unrealistic love, and we cannot take the exams we desire to take.

I would like to make the following points: oppressing oneself is tantamount to hating oneself and represents a weak driving force. If there is a need and a dream, one should work hard to achieve it and follow one's own driving force to move forward. Asking questions, just like you are doing now, is a way of expressing oneself.

My name is Hui Hui. I am grateful for your interest in me and for your consideration of my proposal. If you would like to know more, please follow me.

I'm concerned to see that your family situation is quite complex. It seems that your parents have not provided you with much support or encouragement, and have often compared you to others in a negative way. This is really upsetting. Because this family will affect you in many ways, and will influence your every word and deed.

It might also be helpful to consider your current situation, whether there have been any recent challenges that have caused you sadness, and whether there have been instances where your personal freedom has been significantly affected. As an adult, you have the opportunity to embrace a greater sense of autonomy and explore a wider range of possibilities. It's important to recognize that we are not solely dependent on others, but rather have the capacity to make our own choices and shape our own paths.

It is my hope that you will find the strength to become an independent personality, which will give you the right to choose the life you want. I believe that there is a lot of energy within you that can help you gain independence. Now, let's look at your parents forcing you to learn to drive. This seems really unreasonable. Why do you have to learn to drive? Why do you have to drive?

Unless you have a particular affinity for driving and a strong attachment to cars.

While driving is often considered a necessary skill, the number of cars on the road has reached a point where it can be challenging to navigate. The prevalence of traffic accidents and traffic jams is a testament to this. If you're not ready to obtain a driver's license, it's still important to communicate your reasons for not wanting to learn to drive. Even if you don't pass the test, there are still many reasons why this might be.

Furthermore, it should be noted that if someone is truly interested in learning to drive and the circumstances allow, it is often possible to take the test as many times as necessary. It is also evident that you were frequently subjected to domestic violence during your junior high school years, with instances of screaming, name-calling, and intense shouting during arguments, as well as instances of restraint. A significant amount of control and a considerable number of feelings of collapse have been present in your life, which can be challenging to comprehend and navigate.

I hope to see you here. We all have our own personal circumstances that affect our lives. It seems that you may not have your parents' respect, and your life may be surrounded by a lot of instability. If we want to live a better life, we must awaken our own positive energy and take control of our lives. Parents cannot control you for the rest of your life. As a dedicated and honest life coach, I recommend that you read "The Secret of the Mind: 25 Secrets Hidden in Everyone's Heart," "Loneliness is a Kind of Freedom," "One Day One Donation," "The Power of Cleaning: Creating an Organized, High-Energy Space," "Minimalism," and "100 Ways of Thinking: The Source of Strength." You can also talk to a psychological counselor about your inner journey. I wish you the best of luck.

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

Good day.

Children who grow up in an environment where domestic violence is present often report feelings of profound insecurity.

You have been residing in this environment since childhood, particularly at night. You fall asleep while listening to the sounds of screaming, swearing, and arguing, which contribute to a subconscious state of fear and darkness.

It is possible that you feel anger towards your father for his tyrannical behaviour.

As a child, there was little you could do to confront him.

Your mother's hysterical screams affect you emotionally, making her seem both possible and hateful.

You may empathize with your mother's circumstances, resent her inability to safeguard herself, and experience a sense of vulnerability.

Furthermore, you are unable to provide assistance.

It is not uncommon for individuals in this situation to experience a range of intense emotions, including fear, anger, powerlessness, loneliness, heartache, and despair, on a regular basis. The number of tears that have soaked your pillow may be significant.

It is therefore highly probable that you developed psychological issues during your junior high school years and experienced a nervous breakdown prior to the college entrance exam.

It is challenging to maintain persistence over an extended period.

Although you only completed an undergraduate degree, you were on the undergraduate track. Your father allowed you to settle for less out of concern about incurring additional tuition fees, which is an unfair decision. Concurrently, you must believe in your abilities. You are a highly capable individual.

Following the college entrance exam, your parents compelled you to enroll in driving school. Perhaps you lacked interest in learning to drive, or you may have performed poorly on the exam, or you might have been dissatisfied with the school, or you may have been in a poor mood and unable to concentrate on the questions, resulting in three failed attempts at the exam.

Parents are unaware of the significant distress, anguish, and psychological strain you are under, as well as the seemingly simple task you are attempting to accomplish.

They tend to think and act in isolation. Passing the driving test is relatively straightforward. They are in a position where they are not subject to external influence, which allows them to operate with a high degree of autonomy.

However, you are in a different position. They may lack the capacity to comprehend your emotions, particularly those associated with the role of the father.

The most challenging aspect is the difficulty in communicating with your parents, which is further compounded by their reluctance to engage in such conversations.

In a business relationship, it is not possible to change the other party.

If there is no possibility of changing the other person, the only recourse is to adjust oneself.

While self-regulation is challenging and frustrating, it is a worthwhile pursuit for anyone who desires more positive interactions with their parents and a deeper sense of familial love.

However, should you be unable to receive this love, it is important not to neglect your own self-care.

You also have the greatest resource at your disposal: yourself.

The college entrance exam is now complete, and the decision regarding college has likely already been made. At this juncture, it is not possible to change course, and there are no superior alternatives at present. Therefore, it is essential to accept the current situation and move forward.

Being content with the present does not imply that your future will be limited to this current situation.

You will have the opportunity to pursue a Bachelor's degree and graduate school in the future. To do so, you must first focus on your own psychology to maintain a positive outlook.

The driving test is now the most important thing.

Although this is something you were required to do by your parents, it will prove to be a valuable asset in the future.

Despite the less than optimal family environment you were raised in, your parents demonstrated unwavering love and support.

Otherwise, they would not have incurred the expense to facilitate your learning to drive.

It is not necessary to express gratitude to your parents for providing you with the opportunity to learn to drive. Similarly, it is unproductive to resent them for requiring you to do so. Instead, view learning to drive as a necessary skill for your own benefit. Having an additional skill is always advantageous, and it may even enhance your self-confidence.

During the summer vacation, I focused on learning to drive. After entering college, I consulted with the school's psychological counselor to address psychological concerns.

It would be advisable to attempt to adjust your mentality to a relatively harmonious state during your junior college years.

Then, consider preparing for the next promotion.

It is possible that the aforementioned steps may not entirely resolve the issue of tension in your relationship with your parents.

The psychological trauma inflicted on you by your parents may still often affect your studies, interpersonal relationships, and overall quality of life.

It is acceptable to distance yourself from your parents, while maintaining a healthy distance and avoiding resentment or fear. By doing so, you can focus on your own goals and pursuits.

When you are compelled to perform an action you are reluctant to do and are admonished by your superiors for displaying a lack of confidence, you are in a vulnerable position.

It is preferable to take the initiative rather than to comply passively.

A passive approach will not achieve positive results.

In order to effect change in your situation, including your psychological energy, it is essential first to adjust your own momentum and take the initiative.

To put it more professionally, the first step is to break free from the role of victim and become the master of yourself.

I hope you will carefully consider the above reply.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a licensed psychological counselor. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

Greetings,

The host's initial response was as follows:

A careful reading of the post reveals a profound sense of fatigue and internal depletion. This kind of fatigue can perhaps be described as mental fatigue. At the same time, it is noteworthy that the author has courageously expressed their own problems and actively sought help on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of oneself and one's parents, thereby enabling a more nuanced adjustment.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts from the aforementioned post, which may assist the author in developing a more nuanced perspective.

1. Accept and express one's emotions in a reasonable manner.

As observed in the post, the host mentioned that the individual in question is experiencing significant fatigue and feelings of physical and mental oppression on a daily basis. First and foremost, it is clear that the host is suffering from fatigue.

Furthermore, I empathize with the difficulties you have endured over the years. A family environment of this nature inevitably has a profound impact on our physical and mental well-being.

Therefore, the next step is to examine the present situation and identify potential self-care strategies.

It seems that the host may be attempting to accept your emotions and acknowledge your fatigue. Frequently, individuals attempt to maintain a sense of energy and enthusiasm, which can ultimately lead to further exhaustion.

It is therefore recommended that one attempts to accept one's emotions and fatigue. Once this has been achieved, it may be beneficial to attempt to express these emotions in a reasonable manner.

Once emotions are acknowledged and articulated, they are relieved and informed. This allows the host to express emotions in a manner that aligns with their preferences.

One may also employ the method of maintaining an emotional diary, a practice utilized by numerous individuals in the field of psychology. This entails recording one's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

The act of writing allows one to process and organize their emotions in a constructive manner. This process of emotional regulation can help to alleviate distress.

2. Attempt to disassociate the subject.

In psychology, there is a concept that all love is ultimately oriented towards integration. However, the love we have for our parents is seen as a unique case, as it is believed to be oriented towards separation.

As we mature emotionally, we gradually become more independent from our parents. It is important to note that this does not imply a complete severance of contact.

Furthermore, it is essential to recognize the necessity of assuming responsibility for one's own life and the obligation of parents to do the same. Consequently, what is the significance of the aforementioned concept of separation?

This signifies the necessity of gradually discerning the extent of one's autonomy and identifying the specific concerns that pertain to oneself. In essence, it entails assuming responsibility for one's own life, needs, and emotions.

In the aforementioned post, the host is 18 years of age and has recently commenced studies at the university level. Despite the necessity of continued reliance on parental figures, there is an opportunity to begin the process of emotional separation. From an emotional perspective, individuals learn to assume responsibility for their own emotions. While it may not be feasible to alter the behavior and thought processes of one's parents, it is possible to regulate one's own emotional responses.

This allows us to become less susceptible to their influence. From a psychological perspective, the only individuals who can cause us harm are ourselves, and the only individuals who can influence us are ourselves.

It should be noted that this process requires a certain amount of practice and learning. Should the original poster be interested, further information can be obtained by reading psychology books and taking courses.

3. Attempt to identify constructive insights within a challenging experience.

As evidenced in the original post, the poster's upbringing was, in fact, somewhat adverse. As the poster themselves noted, they were born into an anomalous family structure.

The initial point to be made is that there is no such thing as absolute normality. Similarly, there is no such thing as a perfect family of origin.

While there is no such thing as an ideal family of origin, it is possible to establish a positive and nurturing one.

Although the family of origin exerts a significant influence on an individual, it is important to recognize that this influence is merely a factor, not a definitive outcome. With the willingness to learn and grow, it is possible to re-shape oneself and move beyond the limitations imposed by the family of origin. Many individuals, for instance, may perceive their family of origin as detrimental and continue to be influenced by it.

Furthermore, some individuals may recognize that their family of origin may have presented certain challenges, yet they may find some positive aspects within these experiences. In your case, the original poster, your upbringing may have had some shortcomings, yet viewed from a different perspective?

It is evident that such a family atmosphere is not conducive to optimal well-being. The father's conduct and thought processes are also incongruent with accepted norms. Some beliefs

During our upbringing, would we endeavor to learn and avoid becoming like this? Would we seek to enhance ourselves through learning?

One might inquire whether they would replace his irrational beliefs with some reasonable ones. It is often the case that there are two sides to every story, and there are instances when it is beneficial to find some positive meaning in a negative experience.

Ultimately, it is my hope that these insights will prove beneficial and motivating to you, the original poster. I am a heart exploration coach, Zeng Chen.

Should you require further assistance, you are invited to contact a coach for one-on-one communication and companionship.

Hello!

First of all, congratulations on starting a new journey!

At 18, facing such a family, we would be exhausted.

I'd be happy to help. I hope it'll be comforting and inspiring.

1. Understand your own difficulties.

The family environment was not good. My father was violent, and my mother was hysterical.

I was too young to handle it all.

You've finished your college entrance exams and are 18.

My father wouldn't spend more money for you to go to a private school.

He missed out on his undergraduate studies.

They have to study hard.

It can make us feel down.

They don't study hard because they feel bad or don't want to.

Are you afraid to tell your parents what you think?

First, understand how difficult it is.

They doubt themselves and feel frustrated because they have never been valued or respected.

It's hard when parents don't encourage you and yell at you.

Children who haven't experienced this won't understand.

Hug your hurt feelings and learn to comfort yourself.

Tell yourself, "I've grown up and can protect myself."

2. Becoming an independent person.

We feel trapped by our family and parents.

You've been rejected a lot.

It's good you know this and are trying to change it.

This opens up a new life.

We can't choose our family or our parents, but we can choose how we deal with them.

Self-differentiation is an important concept in psychology.

It means knowing what's yours and what's theirs in relationships, staying independent and in control of your emotions.

Your parents have expectations of you and don't respect you.

As we grow up, we learn to distinguish between what our parents want and what we want to do.

Our parents don't matter as much as we think.

How we see ourselves is key.

What kind of person do you want to be?

Just work towards it.

Our families influence us.

If you've never received respect from your parents, it's harder to make a change.

Some children in relaxed households can decide not to do something, while you are forced to do something.

Before we are independent, our parents control us.

We can also find the good in it.

You don't want to study a subject, but maybe it will be useful in the future?

Can we try to be happy and focus on learning?

We often fail because we don't want to succeed.

If we have complaints about our parents, we won't want to learn.

We're 18 and in our prime.

Be kind to yourself.

Speak up about your attitude.

If you don't feel like studying,

Or you just want to relax.

Speak up.

Let your parents take you seriously.

You're not a child anymore.

You will gain strength.

This takes time.

Take your time.

Dear child.

Trust yourself.

Find out what works for you.

To get your parents' respect, face things as an adult and take responsibility.

Take care of your body and emotions.

Good luck!