Married for 24 years, we've always been busy with our work. I've become decadent, do I want a divorce?

Dear questioner, I am Duoduo Lian. I am here to support you.

I empathize with you. At six, you were assaulted in the countryside and too afraid to tell your parents. How much pain did you endure at such a young age, without anyone to support you? It has been so hard for so many years.

You are timid and inferior, and you easily married a man you don't like. He is not a bad person, and your children are adults. After so many years, you have no conjugal life and no common language, and your marriage is dead in name only. Rebel! Find your youth again!

It's infuriating. My husband is a good person. He doesn't hit me. Things are tolerable. The kids are grown. There may not be a suitable replacement if we get divorced. Do I have to continue to put up with it? I'll be retired in a few years. When I was younger, I didn't dare to try. Now that I'm older, I can try.

You have to make a choice. You have asked yourself this question countless times, torn between two options. It's time to sort it out.

Your children are grown up, you have a house and a car, and it's time to enjoy life. You want to try to change your current marital situation, and you know it's also your yearning for a better life. You have strength within you, and you have a renewed understanding of yourself. What kind of intimate relationship do you want?

There is no right or wrong, only a weighing of the pros and cons. You are in your middle years and want to live life to the fullest. What are your strengths that attract others? What are your expectations of your partner? Are you willing to make sacrifices in the new family? After all, it is a reorganized family, and the relationships are complicated. You can face your partner's children, be prepared to be a mother, and handle various relationships in the family.

You can also try to get along. You are still young, and you have the right to be happy. In your marriage, you must have tried hard and fought for what you want. You didn't get the results you wanted, but that doesn't mean you should stay in a marriage where you fight whenever you talk. You don't see eye to eye, and you don't even think in the same frequency. This kind of marriage is both numb and painful. It's really hard for you, but you can't stay in a marriage where you are so much older than him and you can't find happiness.

You want someone to accompany you and love you. You have standards within you, and standards are also a double-edged sword that can win the favor of others. Are you ready? Your husband doesn't meet your standards, but he's protecting you in this way. When you make adjustments, he'll change.

Recognize your own strengths. You have sacrificed a lot for your family over the years, and your husband must be just like you. What kind of wife does he need? Is he lonely like you? Is he waiting for you? Bring up your confusion, after careful consideration. You are good at listening to other people's advice, and you don't do whatever you like like other people.

You've been struggling to understand yourself for a long time. There's nothing wrong with you for what happened when you were a child. You deserve to be happy. You're ready to ask for help and express your thoughts. You've already surpassed yourself. Speak your mind. You'll feel much more comfortable and relaxed. Expand your circle, find your passion, and live your life boldly and often.

Follow your feelings. Value yourself again. Love yourself well. Give yourself the ability to be happy.

I wish you the best. You can do this.

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

"We've been married for 24 years, and we usually work separately. Am I degenerate and want a divorce?" What we are experiencing is not degeneration, but a search for self.

The questioner may believe that divorce is the only solution, but it is not the only option. Divorce may seem like the easy way out, but it is not the right choice. There is a difference between the current family and the heart's desires. The rational part of the questioner can still be heard. If divorce is not an option, what is?

I seriously doubt the questioner has thought this question through.

The reality is that the model of a husband-and-wife relationship is not fixed. If we want to change and take action, the reality will inevitably be different. What bothers us is our own definition of this marriage relationship and our positioning towards each other. If the other party is willing to cooperate, we must be willing to put this part of the practice into practice in the existing relationship.

The questioner should give the other person a chance to understand their inner desires. They should also try to truly understand each other and understand each other's needs.

Let me be clear: divorce is one way to solve problems, but it is not the only solution. We can now solve problems through marriage counseling or psychological counseling, or by learning about this knowledge through books and courses on marital relationships and applying it in real life. In this process, real-life experiences will allow us to continuously optimize our internal options and gradually strengthen our beliefs, thus achieving our pursuits.

We must try to solve problems using as many different methods as possible. If we can't find a suitable method, we can talk about divorce. This will leave more room for maneuver and also give the family and the other party a chance.

This is understandable. The questioner's desire for love has been awakened, and she does not want to continue living a married life, even though she has a husband. This is a personal psychological need. However, if the goal is to satisfy one's own inner needs and get a divorce, it would be advisable to talk to your husband first and tell him about these needs, and listen to what he has to say.

While the questioner indicated that the two individuals have differing perceptions and dislike each other, I believe that differing perceptions do not necessarily indicate an unwillingness to change. If he is willing to acknowledge the crisis and attempt to make some changes, and is open to working with the questioner to find a way to love each other again, then he should be able to meet his own needs without pursuing a divorce. However, in that case, the questioner will also have to adjust her attitude towards her husband.

Naturally, this is an idealized outcome, and the specific situation will only be known if the questioner makes a concerted effort. However, if the questioner is adamant about not discussing their desire to pursue a romantic relationship with someone else, they may have no choice but to initiate a divorce.

However, if you are unable to definitively ascertain whether you will be able to achieve this after a divorce, you must first determine whether you are willing to believe in yourself and support yourself in finding the love you want. If you lack confidence in yourself, that person may advise you to consider it carefully, given that you are no longer young and the advantages are relatively limited.

This is solely my personal opinion, for informational purposes only.

Good day, questioner. My name is June Lai Feng.

From the information provided, it is evident that the marriage in question has endured for 24 years, during which time the individual in question has experienced feelings of frustration and disappointment. The question thus arises as to why this person feels as though they have fallen.

It may be beneficial to consider potential solutions collaboratively.

The decision to divorce is a significant one that warrants careful consideration. It is evident that you have been grappling with this decision for an extended period.

A "widowed marriage" is associated with feelings of loneliness, a lack of passion in life, a loss of color, and feelings of frustration and disappointment. I can especially understand how you feel at this moment.

Presently, there are considerable discrepancies between you and your spouse with regard to emotional states, living habits, and philosophies, resulting in a markedly suboptimal marital status. You experience a sense of monotony and discontentment with your life, coupled with a longing for a more stimulating existence.

In the context of significant challenges, it is imperative to prioritize one's own well-being and well-being. It is essential to identify sources of happiness and satisfaction that align with one's personal values and goals.

It is essential to note that a successful marriage hinges on the joint efforts of both parties. When one party feels neglected or unsupported, it can lead to the emergence of negative emotions, which in turn can negatively impact the quality of the marriage.

It is crucial to prioritize self-care and self-growth in order to enhance the quality of a marriage.

First, it is essential to engage in self-reflection in order to gain insight into the underlying reasons that have led to the desire for a divorce. Is it due to a perceived lack of love and support, or are there other factors, such as external pressures, that have contributed to this sentiment?

Identifying these reasons can facilitate a more nuanced comprehension of one's needs and expectations.

The subsequent step is to undertake an introspective analysis in order to ascertain one's authentic feelings and needs. It is also important to consider whether there are still expectations and hopes for the marriage.

It is essential to consider one's feelings and needs. One must inquire of oneself whether one wishes to continue the relationship with one's partner and whether the relationship is aligned with one's values and lifestyle.

Should the relationship prove to be unsatisfactory in any respect, it may be advisable to consider terminating it.

Subsequently, one must consider the potential consequences of such an action. A divorce will not only affect the individuals involved, but it can also have a profound impact on children, family members, and finances. It is of the utmost importance to carefully consider these potential changes and their impact on all those involved.

It is not uncommon for individuals to require a certain degree of change and excitement in their lives in order to maintain a positive and energetic outlook. It is not unusual for people to experience feelings of confusion and dissatisfaction, and to seek out new experiences.

It is often the case that people require some degree of change and excitement in their lives in order to maintain a positive and energetic outlook. However, prior to making any decisions, it is essential to undertake a careful consideration of one's motives and goals, ensuring that one's actions are aligned with one's values and interests.

Embarking upon a course of action that entails change is inherently challenging. However, it is of paramount importance to select a path that is both authentic and conducive to one's well-being. To this end, it is vital to heed one's inner voice, cultivate a sense of happiness, demonstrate respect for one's feelings and needs, and endeavor to become a more refined individual.

I extend my warmest regards to you all, and wish you a life filled with joy and contentment.

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not just for appreciation, but for blooming.

I sense your deep-seated desire to live freely for yourself. It's akin to Du Leying in "Hot and Spicy," who "wins once." She simply wants to fully embrace her passion and love for life.

Give each other a hug from a distance, with understanding and support.

?1. Your marriage has been unhappy from the start.

You have an inferiority complex, self-blame, and a longing to find someone to rely on and to get rid of unhappy memories of the past as soon as possible.

He: He got married, had kids, and started a family because he felt like he had to.

So, you got married quickly to meet your needs.

But a long and happy marriage is built on love, not just "needs." You're technically husband and wife, but you haven't really established a close, deep connection.

Your relationship is still hanging in there, but it's not a happy situation. You're not communicating well, not emotionally or physically. The only thing holding things together is the belief that "it's still tolerable."

You've been married for over 20 years and are now in your 40s or 50s. There are still decades of your lives ahead of you. Do you want to continue living like this? Can you continue living like this?

2. A lot of pain comes from overthinking and underacting.

You ask lots of questions and even use rhetorical questions to show how much you want to get out of this dull, tasteless, and meaningless marriage.

It reminds me of the marital status of the teacher and his wife in "Forever Young." The wife has always been infatuated with her husband. But in the end, she chose to jump into a well, saying, "You made me feel like the worst person in the world."

There are two ways to make a breakthrough in a relationship.

(1) Work on improving the current relationship.

As you mentioned, the other person isn't bad, but you've basically been living like strangers since the beginning, with little interference.

If you feel there's still love there and there's still room for improvement, then take action now.

The three main things in a perfect relationship are intimacy, passion and commitment. If one of these things is missing, you can replace it with something else. The most important thing is to have faith in the future.

(2) Break away from the current relationship.

You have the freedom to end things amicably. There's no need to justify your decision or make excuses.

Faye Wong's several romances in the entertainment industry have attracted endless gossip from both the industry and the public, but it hasn't stopped her from pursuing a free life.

Some say she's irresponsible, while others say she's just being herself. Either way, her actions don't affect anyone else's interests. You have the freedom and choice to enjoy your life, and so can anyone else.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you well.

If you'd like to keep in touch, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, I can tell you're feeling a bit confused inside. But you're also good at recognising this uncomfortable feeling, and it's great that you're facing it head on.

After reading your description, I can tell you're feeling depressed and frustrated, but I also sense that you're hoping for something better.

Some experiences from your childhood have made you feel insecure, and your marriage hasn't brought you much strength. You want to escape, but you feel that your partner is more responsible for not being a domestic abuser, so you've been putting up with it.

Now that your kids are older, you're considering a divorce, but you're conflicted. On the one hand, you're influenced by external voices, and on the other, you feel that your spouse isn't so bad, and your kids are already grown, so you're torn between whether or not to get a divorce. Is that it?

After reading your description, I actually have an answer in my heart, but as a respondent, I can't say that I can only tell you that, in fact, you and I are very much alike.

I admire you for having the courage to come here and talk about it. Don't keep it inside by yourself—it's better to talk about it.

When you shared your thoughts with someone and had the courage to come here, you were already on the path to change. You can gradually find the strength within yourself. Make a choice and answer.

Marriage is a union of two people from different families, and it requires mutual tolerance, understanding, and appreciation. From what you've said, it seems like your married life is pretty uneventful, and it's even making you feel aggrieved and helpless.

Given all this, I'd say to you, Auntie, don't worry about your age. Just go ahead and do what you want to do.

Go for what you want. Life is short. You've already had to deal with a lot.

Ultimately, I hope you can live your life according to your own wishes. I believe those who love you will respect your decision.

I really want to tell you that it's never too late to wake up and love yourself enough to face it. I really hope you can be happy doing what you want to do.

Of course, this is on the condition that you don't hurt anyone, but for the sake of your marriage. You should communicate more with your son and even with your husband to express your true thoughts.

Listen to their opinions and be confident in who you are.

The last thing I want to tell you is that this isn't called depravity, it's called

Ultimately, you have to live your life according to your own values. It's true that everyone is selfish to some extent, but it's not always obvious.

From what you've told me, it seems like your husband is a responsible person who hasn't committed any violent acts at home. It's clear that you've been putting up with it, even though you feel it would be bad for him if you divorced. This shows that you're kind and considerate of others. But the most important thing is that we can only take care of others if we take care of ourselves.

And finally, I hope you can do what you want and what you expect to do after you've thought it over.

So you can live a more relaxed and happy life.

This isn't depravity. It's awakening. It's learning to love yourself.

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

I'm glad you asked for help. I hope my sharing helps.

You feel unclean and unworthy of love because of what happened when you were six. You married your husband to get revenge on the man who hurt you. But your husband is innocent. Your revenge has hurt you and your husband. It has also hurt your marriage.

What do you think?

After 24 years of marriage, you may want to end it. This doesn't mean you've changed, but that you've realized you don't need to carry the trauma of being violated. You were just a child, and you did your best to protect yourself. You can still be loved and treated well. You deserve to be loved and to have good things in your life. What do you think?

You can live passionately in your current marriage. But you ignore your ability to give yourself, your husband, and your marriage all this.

Relationships are the result of interactions. They are also systems, where changes in one part affect the whole.

You can treat yourself and your husband the way you want in your marriage. Tell your husband what you need from him to feel loved. It takes courage to tell your husband about being sexually abused as a child, but it can help your marriage. He won't dislike you, and he may feel more compassion for you. He will feel trusted, needed, and cared for by you.

Your husband has been avoiding you because you've been treating your marriage like it's no big deal. You think you're not worthy of love or respect, and that makes it hard for you to connect with him. He might be trying to avoid hurting you, but he's also struggling to understand and express emotions. Men often need more guidance in relationships, so it's often women who take the lead.

So, change your attitude towards your marriage. You might get what you want for your husband. If you fight for yourself in your marriage but don't get the results you want.

You can consider ending the marriage because you are no longer carrying the trauma. You are a new person, capable of loving and being loved. What do you say?

May your life be filled with love!

I'd like to start by offering you a hug.

It is not uncommon to feel dissatisfied and want a change after many years of marriage. Before considering divorce, it can be helpful to consider the following tips to help you weigh the pros and cons and make an informed decision:

1. It may be helpful to try to have deep communication with your spouse and express your feelings and needs. It might also be beneficial to try to understand each other's thoughts and see if it is possible to improve your relationship.

2. Marriage counseling: You may wish to consider seeking help from a marriage counselor. A professional marriage counselor can help you identify the root causes of your problems and provide ways to improve your relationship.

3. **Self-reflection**: It might be helpful to think about your expectations and values for marriage. You may wish to clarify what kind of life you want and whether divorce could help you achieve these goals.

4. It might be helpful to consider your children. Even if they are adults, divorce can still affect them. It would be good to think about their feelings and future, and to make sure they have appropriate support.

5. It would be wise to assess your financial situation. Divorce can involve the division of assets and changes in living costs. It is important to understand your financial situation and your living arrangements after the divorce.

6. **Social support**: It might be helpful to share your thoughts with a trusted friend or family member before making a decision. They may be able to offer a different perspective or advice.

7. It would be wise to consider the impact of divorce on your social life, family relationships, and mental health. It is important to be prepared to face these changes.

8. It might be helpful to explore other possibilities before making a decision. For example, you could consider changing your lifestyle or developing common interests.

9. Consider the advantages and disadvantages of divorce when making your decision. Think about what you need and what will make you happy, as well as what might happen if you get divorced.

10. **Be brave**: Whatever your decision, be courageous. If you believe that divorce is the best course of action for you, then do not be afraid to pursue your happiness.

It is important to remember that divorce is a significant decision that requires careful consideration. Before making a decision, it is advisable to explore all possible solutions and to be fully aware of the choice that you are making.

It is of the utmost importance to ensure that your decision is based on your own happiness and needs, rather than on external pressures or expectations.

Hello, I'm Jokerev. I can sense your inner turmoil and uncertainty. It seems like you're seeking a way to invigorate your life and pursue inner happiness.

I would like to begin by expressing my deepest understanding and sympathy to you. I can see that your experience has been full of pain and self-suppression, which may make you hesitant when facing life choices.

At 43 years old, you may be feeling the desire to break away from the numbness and mediocrity of the past. This is not to say that you are seeking trouble, but rather that you are ready to awaken to the quality of life and your own emotional needs. It could be said that the essence of marriage is not just mutual support in life, but also the blending and sharing of emotions, a beautiful journey of growing together.

Your current life situation could be compared to two parallel lines. Although there is no violent conflict, there may be room for improvement in how they meet.

You have the right to pursue the emotional companionship, warm family life, and intimate relationship that you desire. Whether or not to get divorced is not about what other people think, nor is it based on whether or not you can find a suitable reason. It is about your true feelings and expectations for the future.

If this marriage is no longer providing you with the things you need, it might be worth considering whether it would be beneficial to explore the possibility of change.

Regarding the reasons you mentioned, such as "he is a good person," "there is no domestic violence," and "life is still tolerable," they do show that he is a responsible individual. However, they are not a reason for you to sacrifice your personal happiness. You have the right to enjoy love, experience passion, and pursue spiritual fulfillment, even if it means making difficult choices.

A clean break is just a formality. What matters is that you can face the possible risks and challenges with an open mind in the process of seeking inner liberation and rebirth. Each stage of life has its unique meaning. While trying to change now may not be perceived as a risk by some, it could be seen as an opportunity to open a new chapter in life.

No matter what choice you make, it would be wise to listen to your inner voice, respect your feelings, and have the courage to pursue your own happiness. You deserve the best love and a life full of warmth and understanding.

Do not be afraid of the turmoil, for it is an opportunity to redefine happiness.

Hello. I'm glad to answer your question. I'm confident that my suggestions will be helpful to you.

From your description, I can tell you are happy. It's clear you are becoming more aware of yourself and reflecting on your life, which most women in the past, 20 or 30 years ago, could not do.

Women's thinking is often constrained. Take, for instance, the case of a woman who was sexually assaulted when she was six years old. She would likely feel dirty and believe there is something wrong with her, and she would be afraid or embarrassed to tell others.

This way of thinking is incorrect. It is obvious that the other party is in the wrong. He broke moral standards and hurt a child. He also broke the standards of the law and became a criminal. However, women still think that this is their own problem.

Let's be clear: the essence of this problem does not lie in women themselves. It lies in the characteristics of the times. The entire educational ideology imposes on women an unreasonable and illogical chastity issue at the spiritual level. But this thing is a double standard. It is only given to women, but not to men. Then this standard is not a correct standard.

Similarly, we also have a fixed mindset when it comes to marriage. We think that as long as a man doesn't smoke, drink, or commit domestic violence, he will be a good husband. This is simply not true. Domestic violence is against the law. This is the absolute minimum standard for a person's character and morality. A person who does not commit domestic violence is a normal, basic human being. It is not because the person is male that as long as he does not commit domestic violence, he is a good person.

Therefore, when considering some of the problems in marriage, we are also oppressed. We know that as long as the person is okay, then in this state, if the woman proposes to get a divorce or has such thoughts, it is not good and she will be criticized.

The oppressed ideological problems of that era have reached a new perspective through life experience or experience enhancement, which is a very good state.

Everyone needs to live for themselves once, and everyone lives for themselves from the very beginning. This is not selfish. We make plans for our lives without harming anyone, so that we can live a happy and comfortable life. This is a good state and a normal way of thinking and logical approach.

Given the current situation, we can and should consider our emotional problems, our family relationships, including whether our marital sex life is harmonious, and so on. This series of thoughts will help us determine the answer within ourselves.

Once you've identified your own answer, it's time to consider the objective reality. This involves looking at your financial situation and living environment. You need to make sure that your basic needs are met, including food, clothing, and shelter. Once you've done that, you need to decide whether you want to live as a married person or as a single person.

Once you've considered all the options and weighed up the pros and cons, you just need to be firm in your heart and make that decision.

In this process, we may hear a lot of persuasive or idle gossip. At this time, we must judge whether the person's advice is based on them, him, or your husband. We must judge whether the advice given by others is advisable, beneficial to ourselves, or if it is a problem we have overlooked in the past.

In this process, we can re-categorize, summarize, and reflect on reasonable suggestions. We simply don't need to listen to unreasonable suggestions because they are beneficial to others, not to ourselves.

We don't need to build on our own unhappiness and suffering to satisfy the interests of others.

We are more concerned about what our children think. As a child raised by a single parent, I know from experience that children love their parents far more than their parents love themselves. Every child hopes that their parents can live a happy and comfortable life in this world, and they do not want their parents to be unhappy and to live their own lives.

I am confident that by sorting out various aspects, you will be able to better self-reflect and find the lifestyle that you are most comfortable with and most yearn for in your heart.

The world and I love you!

Hello, question asker.

Given your sexually abusive childhood, you married your current husband because of your low self-esteem. You're unhappy in this marriage, feel oppressed, and it's causing you a lot of pain.

It's not your fault if you've been sexually assaulted. It's not true that only pure, virgin bodies deserve love. Everyone has the right to pursue love.

You married a husband 12 years older than you, which is actually a choice based on your low self-worth. You chose a man with a very different perception of you and not very good material conditions. You should be grateful that he doesn't despise you, but this man doesn't give you a warm and comfortable married life. Some people, even if they are ordinary, can make you feel secure and happy by loving you.

No matter your age, you are supported in finding your own happiness.

Age is no reason, and kids are no reason.

It's not unusual for people in their golden years to embark on new romantic adventures.

People your age aren't afraid to talk about love and sex. You're only 43!

But also ask yourself, is this husband really useless?

When you say he's less perceptive than you, have you talked to him often to let him know what you think? Are you willing to take him with you as you progress?

When you put him down, you're really just showing your own anger and frustration at yourself for not having the courage to change your situation.

Is he really as bad as you say?

Even if they argue, it's a way of communicating intensely. But after the argument, do they understand each other better? If so, then the argument was meaningful.

If you're not happy with your husband, it's likely that you're also not happy with yourself.

You don't have the confidence to change the situation yourself.

Your husband was actually your choice, and I think that when you chose him, you must have been drawn to his good qualities.

As you mentioned, he's a good person and should be kind.

It's possible that he doesn't know how to love you and give you a home. It seems like buying a car and a house to support the family is all he can do, but you expect romance.

They speak different languages when it comes to love.

It's like you speak Chinese and he speaks Spanish—it's difficult for the two of you to communicate effectively.

If you try to let him understand your needs and you try to understand his needs, you can also try to step outside your comfort zone to love the other person.

We try to figure out what each other's love languages are. Maybe some have just been ignored.

For instance, some women think their husbands aren't romantic, but they forget that he once ran all the way across town to buy their favorite food.

He doesn't send her flowers, but when she broke her leg, he carried her upstairs and downstairs.

If you feel like you've reached the end of the road and want a fresh start, we're here to support you in finding someone new.

Finding love is also a challenging process.

It's also important to be prepared for this.

Particularly if both individuals are divorced, there are many details to work out together, such as family finances, child custody, and pension issues.

It takes courage to pursue love, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your own love!

I would like to begin by reassuring you that your feelings and choices are important, and that you have the right to pursue your own happiness and fulfillment. Marriage is a relationship built on feelings and a shared life between two people, and if one party feels unhappy, it is reasonable to seek change.

You mentioned experiences from your childhood that have had a profound impact on your life, and your feelings and reactions are understandable. You also mentioned that your marriage situation, although materially stable, could benefit from a deeper spiritual connection.

It is understandable that you may feel the urge to change in such situations.

It is understandable that making the decision to divorce is not an easy one, particularly when children and years of marriage are involved. However, if you feel that continuing the marriage will make you even more unhappy, it may be necessary to consider seeking a change. You may wish to think about the following:

1. **Self-reflection**: It may be helpful to take some time to think about what you really want out of life. You might consider your values, interests, and vision for the future.

2. Communication: It would be beneficial to have an open dialogue with your husband and express your feelings and considerations. It is also important to understand his views and feelings.

3. **Professional advice**: You might find it helpful to seek the guidance of a marriage counselor or an individual therapist. A professional can assist you in understanding your feelings and provide advice on how to navigate this situation.

4. **Explore options**: If you decide to divorce, it would be advisable to explore your options, including property division, legal proceedings, etc. It would also be helpful to ensure you understand all the consequences of divorce and potential solutions.

5. Support system: It may be helpful to set up a support system, including friends, family, or support groups, who can support you during this difficult time.

6. **Personal growth**: It may be helpful to consider pursuing personal growth and happiness, whether through hobbies, social activities, or other means.

7. It would be wise to make a decision based on your own happiness and satisfaction. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness, and it is important to consider whether external expectations might be limiting that pursuit.

It is important to remember that your choices and decisions should be based on your own feelings and needs, rather than the judgments of others. If you believe that getting a divorce and finding happiness is what you want, then that is your right.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove helpful in your own journey to find your own way.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Bai Li Yina, and I am pleased to respond to your inquiry. I hope that my reply will provide you with some warmth and assistance.

The questioner revealed that she had been sexually abused since childhood and was reluctant to speak up. She consistently perceived herself as impure, which led her to pursue a romantic interest and ultimately marry an honest man she did not particularly care for, yet still had children with him. The 24 years of a lackluster marriage were exceedingly disheartening. Now that she is in her middle years, she aspires to experience a loving relationship once in her life, to be cherished and accompanied by someone. A lackluster marriage is no longer something one is willing to endure. What is the appropriate course of action if one desires a divorce?

[Situation analysis]

The woman in question appears to be seeking a new life. She is no longer willing to tolerate the status quo and has become less cautious. A widowed marriage is a significant burden for the individual. The desire to leave this restrictive situation is evident. The lack of love and autonomy in the marriage is a source of distress. The aspiration to live for oneself, rather than for others, is understandable. Regardless of the decision made, the intention to prioritize self-care is a positive step. This gesture of support is extended with compassion.

The adverse experiences you encountered during your formative years have instilled a multitude of erroneous beliefs, including the notions of impurity, unworthiness, and an inadequate self-love. It is challenging to sustain a harmonious marriage when such beliefs are deeply entrenched. Let us examine the underlying causes of your distress:

1. Memorable experiences from childhood, resulting in the termination of romantic interest in a particular male.

2. The individual selected a partner who was 12 years her senior and with whom she had negative feelings.

3. Subsequent to the nuptials, the couple exhibits a lack of affection and intimacy, leading to a state of passive maintenance of a marital status akin to that of a widowed individual.

4. There is a significant discrepancy between the personalities of the husband and wife, which makes it challenging for them to coexist harmoniously.

5. The desire to initiate a divorce intensifies, yet she is reluctant to take action due to concerns about how others might perceive it.

[For consideration]

The traumatic experiences that occurred when you were one or six years old have resulted in a profound sense of unworthiness, leading you to believe that you are undeserving of love. Now, at the age of 43, after years of suppressing your anger, you have undergone a sudden transformation, prompting you to recognize your inherent worth and claim your right to love.

2. It is a fallacy to assume that a divorce is only possible if one party is at fault. It is equally valid to pursue a divorce on the grounds of a lack of mutual love and respect.

One must inquire as to whom one is afraid of blaming. Does the opinion of that person outweigh one's own feelings of unhappiness?

3. In order to pursue a romantic relationship, it is essential to be single. If you have not met a suitable partner after your divorce, it may be more beneficial to live independently.

It is recommended that the following methods be attempted.

1. Identify the source of motivation that drives you to pursue change and cultivate it further. This intrinsic motivation provides the resilience to overcome challenges. It is challenging to alter one's life trajectory. It is tempting to revert to one's previous way of life when faced with significant difficulties. Despite experiencing unhappiness, one may find comfort in the familiarity of their current circumstances.

2. It is recommended that you communicate your thoughts with your husband and express all the dissatisfaction you have felt over the years. If the other party is unwilling to get a divorce, there may still be hope for the marriage to change. It is important to understand that your perception of your marriage as dull may not align with the expectations of your spouse. It is also possible that the way you have chosen to live your marriage has contributed to its current state. Understanding the other party's thoughts is an essential factor in facilitating change. Expressing your true thoughts is also one of the ways to love yourself.

3. There is no inherent problem with desiring a loving relationship, regardless of one's age. However, a shift in perspective can be initiated by fostering self-love. Past experiences may have instilled a sense of inadequacy due to a lack of self-acceptance. Currently, apprehension about external perceptions may also be present due to a similar underlying issue. When one prioritizes self-care, personal well-being becomes the primary focus, and the individual is better equipped to navigate life's challenges.

Once this conviction is firmly established, a transformation will occur.

4. There is no objective moral standard in life. Each individual is engaged in a unique journey of self-discovery. The past is shaped by the decisions made in the past, and thus, it is unproductive to dwell on past events. Instead, one should focus on the present self and prioritize making conscious, informed choices about one's current life.

One must trust one's own choices and believe that everything is the optimal arrangement.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change often requires time and patience. It is also crucial to understand that many individuals have experienced or are currently experiencing similar challenges.

You are not alone in this endeavour. It is my sincere hope that you will soon find resolution to the issues that have caused you distress and achieve a state of personal comfort.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

Hello!

Your description really resonated with me!

First of all, you wrote in your description: "I suddenly came to my senses. I really want someone to keep me company, to go grocery shopping and cooking and shopping with me, I also need someone to hug and go to bed with, and I also want to fall in love like I was too young to do so." This is a shame. But don't worry! You can still catch up on lost time. You just need to find someone to fall in love with. It's like Mark's marriage in "My PE Teacher." The woman got married after graduating, and then she was in this family by herself.

What makes you different from the characters in movies and dramas is that your child already has his own little family. Right now, you're feeling really relaxed emotionally. Lots of people with the same energy as you have this thought, but some people ultimately choose to take the step of divorce, while others choose to accept it. And even after marriage, you know in your heart that love is only a temporary feeling, and it even involves lies and hurt, but you still want it!

Secondly, you wrote in your description: "We met when I was 19 and he was 12 years older than me. I hated him at first sight. His family was poor and he was set up on a blind date because he was older. Apart from his character, which was not bad, he was lacking in every other way. But I was not a young lady either, so I just married him. "And "When I was six years old, I was assaulted in the countryside and was afraid to tell my parents, so I have always been timid and inferior, being careful in everything I do and wanting to grow up quickly. When I was at school, I liked a boy who liked me, but I didn't dare accept him because I didn't think I was good enough for him." This is a knot in the heart, and of course it is also directly related to the environment in which you grew up. Here, the original words are separated and turned upside down to look at them, because the two people who are 12 years apart can be said to have a gap in their thinking. This gap has changed their values. Moreover, at the age of 19, you should be in the age of seeking knowledge, but instead you experienced a blind date. What is this? Feudal thinking or regional culture.

Everyone says that happy childhood memories are important for children, and for adult women, the experience of falling in love is the same as childhood memories. Looking back on your childhood experience, you were violated when you were six years old. You were young at the time and had no idea what was going on.

Even if you haven't experienced this yet, you'll probably go through the process of being set up on a blind date at the age of 19. Who knows where it'll lead? It might take you on a totally different path! This is like the "no ifs" in "iPartment." Even if you change a lot, you might still end up back on the current path. And here your regret might be that you gave up your choice because of this experience in your childhood. The abandonment at that time has become your unwillingness now.

Now you want to live your life for yourself, and this mentality is totally understandable! But remember, the choices you didn't make and the problems you faced then, you still face the same problems now if you want to choose.

Finally, you wrote in the description: "He neither commits domestic violence nor pays any attention to me. Others would say, 'You're an old married couple, your children are already grown, what's the point of making a fuss? Will you scold me for leaving a dull marriage and insisting on getting a divorce to suffer?'

I'm really excited because he's a good person, he doesn't abuse me, things are tolerable, the kids are grown and we can get by, I don't know if I'll find someone else after a divorce, etc. Do I really have to keep putting up with it? I'll be retiring in a few years. I was too afraid to try when I was younger, but now is it too late?

Can I just walk away with nothing? Can I just mess things up a bit?

"At this time, I think of "The Breakup Guru." I believe that at this time, what you want most is for someone like The Breakup Guru to appear in your life and help you realize your current thoughts, just as in the show. Here, I have to raise another point. "The Reunion Guru" is also the last case of The Breakup Guru when he retires. It is very similar to the current you. Although nominally it helps two elderly people break up, in reality, it makes the two people more aware of and cherish each other.

I'm thrilled to tell you that some parts of this "break-up" plan are absolutely perfect for you right now!

I've got some great suggestions for you!

1. Make an inner adjustment because your childhood experiences have left a shadow on your heart. You can get through it with the help of a professional!

2. Marriage is not a game that can be saved and restarted indefinitely. It's like a story or a painting! Should it really end hastily? Just like the beginning of this marriage?

I absolutely believe you just want to make up for your regrets!

3. The content of the last divorce agreement in "The Master of Reconciliation" is a great reference!

The above content is for your reference only!

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

It is often said that every family faces its own unique challenges. Building a strong and intimate relationship is an essential aspect of maintaining a stable and happy marriage.

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun suggests that many people may find it challenging to manage their emotions and thoughts effectively, potentially leading to difficulties in dealing with situations or making decisions.

Perhaps it would be helpful to define what we mean by "feelings." We can think of feelings as the physiological and biological responses of a person to external stimuli.

To illustrate, if someone were to stab you with a needle, you would experience pain, which is a feeling. Similarly, if the north wind were to blow in the winter, you would feel cold, which is also a feeling. Feelings encompass not only reactions to external stimuli but also reactions to internal stimuli.

As the questioner wrote, this marriage of convenience is numb and painful.

Perhaps we could define emotion as people's reaction to feelings.

For instance, if the surrounding environment is very hot, it can cause sweaty palms and an accelerated heartbeat. Emotions could be described as the irritability or excitement felt when one's body is very enthusiastic and the heartbeat is accelerating. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, I find myself in a situation where I am considering divorce, but I am unsure of the reasons behind this decision. I am feeling a sense of frustration in this regard.

Perhaps we could say that a thought is how a person understands and interprets their feelings and emotions.

It is generally understood that ideas do not originate in the peripheral nervous system, but in the central nervous system, as they involve understanding and interpretation.

As the original poster wrote, I wonder if I should simply continue to make do. Is it possible that I should just walk away empty-handed?

I wonder if it might be possible to have a fling.

Next, we take another look at this matter to see if we can gain a deeper understanding of our feelings, emotions, and thoughts. This can help us manage and express our emotions more effectively, which in turn can help us understand ourselves and see ourselves more clearly.

When I suddenly want to open up this year and hope to have someone to keep me company, someone to hug, and someone to go to bed with, I wonder what our feelings and thoughts might be. I want to fall in love, something I was afraid to do when I was younger.

It might be worth considering whether we are willing to try.

If I am unable to find a reason to divorce, what are our feelings and thoughts? Given that life is tolerable, it seems we might as well continue living together, but I am numb with pain.

Life is in a constant state of flux, much like a child growing and changing day by day. We might ask ourselves, what have we done?

I wonder what might have led to the current state of our marriage.

When I consider the possibility of leaving everything behind and starting anew, I wonder what our feelings and thoughts might be. When I was younger, I was hesitant to try, but now I feel that if I don't try, I may miss the opportunity.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what an ideal marriage relationship and an ideal husband might look like.

I wonder if I might ask what my boundaries are and what I can do.

It may be helpful to view feelings, emotions, and thoughts as a kind of coordination between the nervous system and the brain. When this coordination is smooth, it can contribute to a sense of calm.

It might be helpful to start by communicating with our children. We could listen to what they have to say about their parents and the family relationship they see. It could be beneficial to let them talk about their expectations of their parents. It's important to remember that we don't need to judge, but rather be a good listener and help us understand ourselves.

It might be helpful to have a heart-to-heart conversation with our husbands. Since we're both in the same situation, we can express our thoughts and concerns to each other honestly, hoping to gain understanding and support, and also hear what the other person expects from us. By learning to love each other, we can establish a beautiful and lasting intimate relationship.

Good communication can help us release our pent-up emotions and gain a deeper understanding of each other, which can in turn enhance the relationship within the nuclear family.

In our daily lives, we might consider using non-verbal body language or text messages and notes to convey our love to the other person. Perhaps the weekend could be an opportunity to go out for a walk with your husband to clear your mind. It's possible that a change of environment might allow you and your husband to open up and interact with each other.

If this is a challenge you're facing, it's important to remember that it's not always easy to overcome. It can be helpful to connect with a family member or friend you trust who has always given you positive support. If you feel it's something you need, you can also consider speaking with a counselor. Having an outlet to express your emotions can help relieve the heaviness and blockage you're experiencing.

It is also important to remember that we must empower ourselves, as any change starts with ourselves. It is crucial to maintain a normal state of mind, as we believe that we always have the right to choose. Of course, divorce is also an option, and a voluntary choice can lead to the end of a good relationship.

I would like to suggest the movie "I Love You," starring Tony Leung and Cecilia Yip. I wish you all the best.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a counselor in the Transactional Analysis school.

From what the questioner has said, I can see that they are feeling negative emotions like pain, distress and anxiety. Even if you have a calm and peaceful life and an intimate relationship, if your needs aren't being met, you can pursue the life you want.

Marriage is a complex issue that can sometimes be confusing and depressing. The feelings and wishes of the questioner are totally reasonable, and everyone has the right to pursue happiness and satisfaction.

That said, divorce isn't the only solution.

I'd also like to offer some of my own views for the questioner's reference, in the hope that they'll help the questioner make a decision.

Take some time for self-reflection. Think about what you truly want. You mentioned a longing for companionship, intimacy, and love, which are all normal human needs.

Think about how important these needs are to you and how they affect your quality of life. You can also look back on your married life and think about whether there's room for improvement and possibilities.

It'd be a good idea to figure out what's really going on here and find a way to fix it.

Open communication: Before making any big decisions, you can try to have a good, honest conversation with your husband. You can talk about your feelings and needs and see if there's any way you can improve your relationship.

If you're having trouble communicating, you might want to think about talking to a marriage counselor. Even if you're feeling disappointed in your relationship, it's still important to try to communicate with your husband and work on improving your communication style. If you still feel like there's no change after trying to communicate, you might want to consider other methods.

Personal growth: The questioner mentioned being hurt when she was young, which led to feelings of inferiority and timidity in her personality. This past has affected you, making you always choose to retreat when facing boys, and only chose your current husband as a last resort. The past has a shadow over the questioner, but the questioner does not live in the past. The questioner can try to accept this past and work hard to grow up. Personal growth and self-acceptance are an ongoing process.

By reading, going to workshops, or taking personal development courses, the questioner can build their confidence and get to know themselves better.

It's good to have people you can turn to for support. You can talk to your family, friends, or even professionals if you need to. They can help you work through your feelings and confusion and find a solution that's right for you.

You can also join groups that interest you, where you can get more support. These groups and organizations can be neighborhood committees, women's federations, or organizations that face the same difficulties.

If you're not sure you can solve this problem on your own, you might want to think about speaking to a professional marriage counselor. They can help you sort out your thoughts and provide effective solutions.

If you're seriously thinking about divorce, it's a good idea to talk to a lawyer to get a better understanding of your rights and obligations, as well as the legal process that might be involved.

It's also worth exploring other possibilities. Don't be afraid to think outside the box. You might find that you're better off living alone or looking for a new partner.

However, it's important to be careful and think this through carefully, as it might have an impact on the questioner's family and children. The questioner can think about their future life goals and plans.

The questioner said they want to try new things, so let's make a practical plan to achieve your goals one step at a time.

It's a big decision that requires a lot of thought. The questioner needs to think carefully about what it would mean to them, including the financial, legal and social implications.

If the questioner decides to leave with nothing, it's important to make sure you have the financial ability and legal protection you need to deal with the possible consequences. Before making a decision, it's crucial to consider all the factors and be prepared to face the possible consequences.

I just want to say that marriage isn't the be-all and end-all. The questioner can choose to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life without being limited to the traditional model of marriage.

No matter what you decide, you need to take responsibility for your actions and think about all the possible consequences. I hope the questioner can find a solution that works for them and live a happy life.

As for your husband, he hasn't committed any domestic violence or other illegal acts, so he can't be the reason for your divorce. However, you can express your thoughts and needs through communication, so he knows how you feel and what you expect.

If he's not willing to change or unable to meet your needs, you might want to think about ending the marriage. Either way, I hope you can stay calm and rational and not give up your right to happiness so easily.

It's important to respect your own feelings and needs and take action to achieve your goals. At the same time, you should also consider the interests of your family and children and try to maintain stability and growth in your family.

I hope my answer helps the questioner.

Just remember, no one has the right to judge your decisions, and no one is qualified to tell you how you should live your life. Your happiness and sense of satisfaction are the most important things.

If you decide to stick with the status quo, then find ways to make yourself happy. It's your life, and you get to choose.