Bisexual, always unable to distinguish between love and friendship, what should I do?

Hello! It's totally okay to express your confusion honestly. On the one hand, it shows your sincerity, and on the other hand, it seems to reflect the urgency of the confusion you want to get rid of inside.

It's totally normal to feel confused about love. You've been dealing with these emotions for a long time, and it's not easy!

I'd love for you to try to deepen your past experiences and become aware of your true self.

[Gaining a deeper understanding of how you feel safe on your journey of growth]

It seems like you've been exploring your bisexuality since at least junior high school. Falling in love at that age is considered relatively early, and you've already begun to form bisexual attachments. It would be really interesting to explore what made you long for such experiences at such an early age. Were there any special experiences in your growth process?

For example, your family of origin, an occasional event, etc. If you can find some factors and evaluate them, did experiencing "love" and "the opposite sex" at an early age come from an insecurity in emotional attachment, such as dissatisfaction with parental care, etc.? If so, your confusion may not be considered simply from the perspective of romantic relationships.

[Investigation of the dynamics of romantic relationships]

I've noticed that you've had a few different emotional experiences that have changed over time. It seems like these experiences have been a part of your journey. I'd love to hear more about what you felt when your emotions shifted from "ambiguous" to "flat."

I'd love to hear if you've had any more intense emotional experiences, such as sadness, disappointment, or even depression. Or did you accept them naturally without too many complicated emotions?

I'd like to combine your current knowledge with your sexual experiences to help you understand the difference between love and friendship. Is there something about sex that makes you feel more connected to someone, or is it about exploring other aspects of their life? Or is it just about liking them? You can think about this in terms of the same sex or the opposite sex.

If it is the former, it might be helpful to talk about your confusion in the context of adolescent sexuality!

[Here's a plan to help you see things differently]

It's totally normal to feel confused about how to distinguish between love and friendship. There's so much to explore in this question! It seems like you're hoping that your tendency towards "reciprocated love" will change, so that you can be friends with boys and fall in love with girls. It's clear that deep down you want to get back on the right track.

I think it would be really helpful for you to think about the two questions above and see what your truth is. If you understand what "love" and "romance" mean, then it would be great for you to get to know each other seriously, interact, gain a deeper understanding, accept each other for who they are, and constantly improve your rapport with each other, rather than using "sex" as a distinguishing criterion.

"Sex" may be closely related to impulsive curiosity and is a physical closeness. "Love," on the other hand, requires spiritual closeness to be truly experienced. It requires sex, but it does not necessarily depend on it.

You've had a lot of experiences and have lots of stories to tell! But to make the best future for yourself, you'll also need to connect with your past, accept your present, plan for the future, and work hard!

I love you, and I really hope you can get out of this tricky situation soon.

Hello, questioner!

It's great that you get along with so many people! It's also wonderful that you're asking these questions. It shows that you have a strong desire to explore yourself and a good awareness of yourself.

I'm thrilled to share some fascinating insights from my research on gender and relationships. I hope they'll be as inspiring for you as they've been for me!

The first thing we need to know is that psychological research shows there are very few 100% homosexuals and 100% heterosexuals. Sexual orientation is distributed along a continuous curve on the coordinate axis, and each of us is somewhere along this line. This means that most people are a mixture of homosexuality and heterosexuality, with one aspect being more dominant than the other.

And it is not always clear in the beginning which sexual partner someone will end up choosing. But here's the exciting part: someone who is initially inclined towards homosexuality may meet a compatible person of the opposite sex and become heterosexual!

Second, the development of emotions may have nothing to do with gender—and that's a great thing!

Guess what! When I was in high school, I also liked a girl and a boy at the same time. I had deep doubts about my sexual orientation at the time, but then I realized that my liking for them was just because I had a good time talking with them. If they had switched genders, I would have liked them the same way!

I absolutely adore Su Dongpo, Liang Qichao, Deng Xiaoping, Li Qingzhao, Wu Zetian, and Song Qingling! I admire their incredible personalities and brilliant thoughts, and I would love to be just like them if they were of the opposite sex.

It's likely because our society often mentions the differences between the two sexes, but rarely pays attention to the commonalities between the two sexes. When we encounter things related to emotions, we usually associate them with gender, but in fact, the feelings of like and appreciation that we often generate have nothing to do with gender — which is great news!

Third, the feelings of fondness we have for people may be because we find something shining in them, discover something worthy of our appreciation, or they can make me feel comfortable, relaxed, and happy. But true love is a deep emotion that only arises when our personality has developed to a certain extent—and it's absolutely worth the wait!

In "The Art of Love," Erich Fromm says something really interesting. He says that love is not a relationship with a specific person. It's not even just about people. It's about having an attitude and a tendency to love. If you learn to love yourself, you will love everything in the world. People, other things, everything!

Absolutely! True love transcends not only gender, but even species.

Fourth, get this: many psychologists have discovered that physical contact is the main way to convey emotional information between two people. It's the most trustworthy way to connect with others. And it's a human way to cultivate mutual affection! Hugs have nothing to do with sex. Men and women alike feel the hunger for skin contact and need physical contact.

Satya also made a great point about the importance of physical contact. He said that if there are too many taboos about it, young people might get involved in sex too early because they crave physical contact and think that having sex is the only way.

Absolutely! It's totally normal to have feelings for both boys and girls. You can find something attractive in them, and they have something that attracts you. These feelings may have nothing to do with gender.

Just because you feel sexual attraction towards someone doesn't mean you're bisexual. Everyone needs physical contact, and it's possible that your need for physical contact isn't being adequately met. So when you feel good emotions towards others, you feel the urge to have physical contact, and you mistake this for sexual attraction.

Are you gay, straight, or bisexual? Whatever you are, you are amazing! And you can be whoever you want to be. People's sexual orientation can change, so don't jump to conclusions too soon.

There's absolutely no need to obsess over this now! Just go ahead and approach the person you like. Make friends with them!

I'm Haru Aoki, and I love the world!

Hello, question asker!

I saw your question on the platform and I'm so excited to help you! You said you are bisexual and have liked both boys and girls, but you still feel that you cannot distinguish between love and friendship very clearly, and you are very confused. What should you do?

Let's dive in and do a quick analysis!

1. I have something important to tell you! You are amazing because you know that you can love more than one person. You are aware that you are attracted to both boys and girls, and you are sexually attracted to both. You are confused about whether it is love or friendship, but you will figure it out!

2. When it comes to love, it's all about the passion! You can have many friends, but you only have one lover. It's a love that's all yours and yours alone. Friends, on the other hand, are a different story. They don't have any close feelings for each other and maintain a certain distance. Even if friends sleep together, they won't have any romantic feelings. Even if they hug each other, it's just a simple hug, and they don't want to have intimate sex.

3. Friends' likes are straightforward, and they are very open when facing them. But the person you love is different. From the bottom of your heart, you will think, "She/he is so wonderful!" You really want to kiss them... and so much more!

.

Hug again!

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is about the amazing feeling of love, while the feeling of friendship is totally different. There's a sense of space, each person has their own world, and you take care of each other when something happens. When you love someone, you can't wait to be together every second of the day, always together!

4. So, you can use this standard to measure and judge your feelings for him/her in the future. It doesn't matter if it's love or friendship, you just need to be clear about it and respect and understand each other. Both same-sex and opposite-sex feelings are beautiful, and you'll gain a sense of happiness. Gender-neutral feelings are even more special, pure, and beautiful. Love is love, and it's heart-melting to hear!

I really hope my answer helps! The world and I love you ♥