How can I overcome this difficulty when my boyfriend feels unable to accept my past?

Hello, original poster.

From what you've shared, it seems like your boyfriend cares a great deal about your past. I'm curious to know more about what you've told him about your past and how that has led him to view it as a hurdle.

It is worth noting that men can also be possessive, even if they may not outwardly express it. They may keep certain aspects of their partner's past private, but it is important to recognize that this is often a sign of their desire to have you all to themselves. Some men may be particularly possessive and choose to keep an eye on their partner's past, even though it is in the past. This can sometimes lead to conflicts. When discussing your past, it is possible to selectively share some details while keeping others private. It is essential to respect your partner's privacy and to communicate openly about your past experiences.

I believe there may be another reason. Men often have extremely high self-esteem. If a woman belongs to them, they may fantasize that her past is pure and believe that her feelings are the first time for them. This could also be a manifestation of strong possessiveness. You have told your boyfriend about your past, and he may not accept some of the things you did.

If your boyfriend has reservations about your past and views it as a potential obstacle, it's possible that this could become a point of contention in your marriage. It might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend before getting married to understand his perspective. If he struggles to accept your past, it could indicate a lack of understanding or tolerance towards you. It's also important to maintain your self-esteem and choose a partner who accepts and respects you.

It is worth noting that regardless of the underlying cause, if there is a genuine love between two people, any conflict can be resolved. The key lies in the willingness of both parties to address the issue. It is essential to have an open and honest dialogue about the conflict or problem. If the issue remains unresolved and the couple enters into marriage with unresolved differences, it can lead to resentment and a lack of understanding.

I believe that if a man truly loves a woman, he would not look down on her because of her past. Therefore, it would be beneficial for you to identify the problem and try to resolve it. Even if it cannot be solved, you can still move forward and find happiness in another relationship.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Good day. I extend my warmest regards from afar.

You may currently feel a sense of helplessness and a desire for acceptance and understanding.

Your boyfriend's inability to move on from your past is not a reflection of your own actions. This is a personal journey that he must navigate independently. However, your support, understanding, and acceptance are crucial elements in his healing process.

Given the strength of your relationship and your desire to maintain it, it is likely that there are ways to address this issue more effectively. It seems likely that his intense focus on your past is a result of the trauma he experienced during his upbringing.

It is important to provide acceptance, understanding, support, and companionship to the individual in question. Additionally, it is crucial to express your own feelings and needs in a sincere and courageous manner. It is not necessary to judge the individual for being unable to let go of past actions. Instead, it is essential to create a safe and accepting environment where the individual feels understood and supported. Only when these conditions are met will the individual be willing to open up to you.

It is essential to recognize, accept, and address trauma. One effective approach is to guide the individual to set aside past experiences by maintaining an emotional journal. Documenting genuine emotional responses in writing can facilitate a deeper understanding of underlying needs, enabling the individual to identify more suitable ways to meet their needs.

This is the optimal method for him to express the emotional feelings associated with his inner trauma.

My name is Lily, and I am the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my warmest regards to you and the entire world.

Hello. I get it.

Men are conflicted about premarital sex. They want to live together before marriage but don't want their wives to have sex before marriage.

Your wife had premarital sex with someone else or in a situation like the one you described, with a year in between, and the previous two years didn't seem like a couple but more like a sex partner. This makes it clear that the man will be very anxious and have serious doubts about whether the other half is a person with a particularly open attitude towards sex.

Second, you must face the fact that there is suspicion. The only way to resolve this is to be honest. If you want to be together, you need to discuss why you had this attitude before and how it will be after marriage.

Some couples in some countries are more casual before marriage but very faithful after. If you can accept this idea and agree on this issue, you will have a bright future together.

After all, you were together for two years, and it's clear your views are not that different.

Finally, marriage is a big deal and requires careful consideration. If the other person really can't get over the grudge, there's no need to compromise.

If a thorn is planted in the marriage, it will be impossible to live with each other and you will be caught in an endless cycle of suspicion and explanation. If you enter into marriage with mutual consent, you must be cautious about contact with the opposite sex. It is best to keep each other close when contact is necessary.

Don't give your partner room to imagine.

I'm sure this will help!

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I understand your feelings.

The host also sought help, which will help them understand their boyfriend better.

Next, I will share my thoughts from the post, which may help the hostess see things differently.

Listen and express yourself.

The host said that after getting back together, they've been open about everything.

He told me he has a problem and we want to work through it. I can see you two are honest.

This openness will help you understand each other better. It's better to bring problems to the surface and face them together than to be concerned but not express it.

This is an opportunity and a challenge for you. How can we face this challenge?

Listening and expressing ourselves are what we can do. The original poster may feel you've already made your points.

We can listen to your boyfriend to find out why he can't get over this. Why can't he get over it?

What made him unable to overcome this hurdle? We can discuss this more by listening to each other.

2. Adjust your perception.

Sometimes we can't let go of the past because it can't be changed. Our perception of it affects us.

We have different interpretations of the same thing, so we have different mindsets.

In psychology, there is an emotional ABC theory. A is the event, B is how we see it.

C is our emotions and behaviors. Research shows that our emotions and behaviors are not caused by the event itself, but by how we perceive it.

The original poster may have more thoughts.

Can we change how we see things? We decide what things mean.

3. Learning

We all want to solve problems, but sometimes the best way is to use high-dimensional thinking to combat low-dimensional thinking. So, when facing this obstacle, if you can't solve it right away, then perhaps give each other some time and space.

Focus on improving each other and learning. You can learn about psychology, which may help the host. The host can also seek help from a professional counselor.

A professional perspective can be helpful.

I hope these ideas help and inspire you.

Everyone has a past, whether it's past loves or some experiences from the past that are not easy to talk about. These are all things from the past. Some guys may find it challenging to accept because their partner has had a lot of exes in the past, while others may find it challenging to accept because their partner is not a virgin.

It would be beneficial to consider these points. If he is unable to accept your past, it would be helpful to understand what the circumstances were and whether they involved love, family, or friendship. It is important to identify the root cause of the difficulty, as it may have originated from a past event.

You and your boyfriend were once together, but perhaps the feelings you had then didn't fully align with the emotion of love. Could it be that there was not enough emotional investment and management at the time? This may be something you could consider focusing on cultivating in the future. It's important to remember that not everything can be categorized in terms of sex, as sex is just one basic human desire.

It might be helpful to try to keep things simple. If you make things too complicated, it can make it more difficult to find solutions. You also have your own challenges to face now. You have already reconciled, and it was out of trust in him and the need to get married that you laid all your past cards on the table. This is a positive step, as it means that in the future, even after you get married, you won't bring up the past again.

It might also be a good time to talk about it now. Perhaps you could explain that what happened in the past is what happened and that it's not something that can be changed. You're now in a good place and talking about getting married with him, which is an important step for him to consider.

For some Asian men, this may indeed be a challenging issue to navigate, which is why it might be helpful for him to seek counseling. It's important to recognize that everyone has their own journey of healing and growth. At the same time, you can also be by his side to show that the present is all that matters. It's understandable that not everyone has fully moved on from the past, but it's crucial to recognize that everyone is not a blank piece of paper. Best wishes.

Could I ask you something, ZQ?