I always fall for the wrong person for marriage. Is it possible to change my emotional orientation?

Hello! I just wanted to give you a big, warm 360-degree hug!

From what you've told me, it seems like your relationship with your parents is a bit of a rollercoaster.

It's totally normal to fall in love with someone who isn't from a good family. It's just that, in your case, it might be someone who isn't suitable for marriage. I'm not sure if that's your standard or your parents' standard, though.

I think it's mostly the parents' demands that are different from yours.

You'll choose a partner that your parents disapprove of, and then wait patiently for them to object. I'm not sure if it's because your parents never explicitly objected, or because they understood your tactics and waited until you got tired of the relationship yourself.

And then, you broke up.

It's like a rebellious child who always has to do something outrageous to get their parents' attention. If their parents don't pay attention, the child will give up and behave obediently.

This is something that psychologists call "reversal formation." It basically means that what you want to do on the surface is actually the opposite of what you want to do. Parents want their children to be obedient in order to love them, but kids rebel on purpose, hoping that their parents will pay attention to them.

I don't know your family situation or your upbringing, but I'm here to help you think about your relationship with your parents. You can ask yourself whether they support what you want to do, oppose it, or just don't care.

It might also help to chat with a counselor. They can help you understand the reasons behind your behavior, which might help you understand why you always fall in love with the wrong person.

I'm a psychological counselor who gets the ups and downs of life, but I'm always here for you. I love the world and I love you!

Hello, question asker! I am Jia Ao, and I can help you.

I see the problems and confusion you describe on the platform. You say that you always fall in love with people who are not suitable for marriage, yet you are not interested in people who are "suitable for marriage." You know without being reminded or stopped by your parents that the person you fall in love with is not suitable for you, which makes you very troubled. You are now confused and feel that your emotional orientation is determined by your subconscious mind and is not subject to your own will. Homosexuality cannot be changed, so what about emotional orientation?

It can be changed.

Let me be clear: there are no absolutes. You say you fall in love with people who are not suitable for marriage, yet you're not interested in people who are. I don't know if you're a rebel with a rebellious psychology who likes people who are not suitable for marriage but feels disgusted by people who are suitable for marriage. Or is it just a matter of probability? You haven't met the person who truly makes your heart beat and who you want to walk into marriage with. Think about it.

I'm just chatting with you.

1. [Related definitions]

Let's start with the facts about sexual orientation and affective orientation. There are, in fact, naturally born homosexuals. They will not easily change their homosexual tendencies, and some may even strongly reject contact with the opposite sex.

"Sexual orientation" is simply a person's lasting emotional, romantic, or sexual attraction to men, women, or both genders. Sexual orientation is a relationship with other people. It includes both emotional and sexual attraction. For example, you may be physically attracted to men, but emotionally attracted to women.

Emotional orientation is made up of two words: emotion and orientation. Emotion is a psychological response to external stimuli, such as liking, disliking, and admiring. Orientation is the direction chosen, the tendency, such as the value, emotional, and aesthetic orientations we often talk about. It indicates the sex or gender that a person is most likely to have a romantic relationship or fall in love with. It can be used interchangeably with sexual orientation or in conjunction with it. For example, a pansexual person may be sexually attracted, but they may tend to have romantic and intimate relationships with women regardless of gender.

Sexual orientation is determined by sexual or biological tendencies, while emotional orientation is determined by social roles. People are the sum of their social relationships, and your social and economic relationships determine whether you will become socially heterosexual or marry someone from a "suitable" background.

For asexual people, romantic orientation is the best way to measure attraction, even more useful than sexual orientation.

The above definitions and concepts are quoted from Baidu Baike.

2. Follow your heart.

I hope you understand better now. There is only one sexual orientation in the world: that which comes from the heart. Your emotional orientation is never without reason. Those you fall in love with who are not suitable for marriage must have something in common. It is their own excellence that makes you fall in love again and again, and it has nothing to do with other people. You may even suddenly no longer like that type of person!

3. Follow your heart.

As for your parents, remember this: You are you, and you like what you like. You don't have to force yourself to like what you don't like. Always remember to put yourself first. You don't have to deliberately please anyone. The person you like may not always be unsuitable for marriage, and the person you don't like may one day, when you've figured things out, be suitable for marriage!

4. Love yourself well.

Love yourself well, take care of your emotions and feelings, let your heart relax, and let your emotional orientation follow its natural course. That's all there is to it. I wish you all the best.

I am confident that my answer will help you. The world and I love you ♥

Greetings.

A gentle pat on the shoulder: I perceive your narrative. You feel increasingly adrift, ensnared in emotional predicaments that seem incongruous with your true self. You are uncertain how to extricate yourself from these emotional impediments or how to cultivate genuine happiness.

*Identifying one's own inner needs and providing the necessary nourishment and assistance.

From the description, it is evident that the questioner is aware of the cyclical nature of his emotional development but lacks the inner motivation to fully break free from the existing emotional pattern. The questioner's inability to form a mutually supportive and emotionally fulfilling relationship raises questions about the underlying reasons. The description is somewhat vague and lacks clarity regarding the direction of the inquiry.

Emotional patterns are akin to intimate relationships and abilities that must be acquired. If an individual does not learn to navigate intimate relationships effectively during their formative years, they may encounter difficulties in developing a healthy intimate relationship in adulthood. Instead, they may resort to entering into a distorted intimate relationship, perpetuating the pattern of getting along in intimate relationships from their original cognition.

To illustrate, a female subject who is physically attractive is consistently drawn to a male partner who is untidy, disorganized, and unproductive. Despite her awareness of the other person's unreliability, she experiences a powerful attraction.

This is due to the negative influence of the intimate relationship in the little girl's original family, which has caused her to gradually fall into it again and again, despite her rejection of unhealthy intimate relationships and her inability to accept herself.

If the questioner also exists in their own lives, subconsciously constantly choosing relationships that are contrary to their true desires, they must be aware of their own emotional patterns, attempt to discern their true inner needs, provide themselves with the necessary support, learn to establish healthy intimate relationships, and gradually extricate themselves from the situation.

One may, for instance, endeavor to diagnose their emotional state and inquire of themselves why they are perpetually drawn to intimate relationships that they do not genuinely endorse at a fundamental level. Is it due to a deficiency in a sense of security, or because they are unable to accept themselves?

It is essential to maintain a healthy lifestyle, learn to accept oneself, recognize and encourage oneself, and avoid relying on external evaluations for self-assurance. By actively pursuing self-improvement, one can enhance self-confidence and make more appropriate emotional choices.

I extend my best wishes to you and encourage you to persevere in your endeavors.