Is it implied that he already knows, and do I need to explain to him that I'm a lesbian?

Dear reader, It is evident that you and your husband have a cordial relationship. However, you are currently confronted with a challenging situation. You perceive that your husband is aware of your sexual orientation, and you are uncertain about how to respond when he challenges you. You are concerned that this may have an adverse impact on your relationship, and you are experiencing a sense of distress and anxiety about it. I empathize with your situation.

How should one respond to one's spouse's attempts to ascertain one's sexual orientation?

You indicate that you have a positive relationship with your husband, that he is highly tolerant, and that you are content in your marriage. It is evident that you value your current marital status and aspire to maintain a favorable relationship.

You indicate that your husband has been uttering peculiar statements since he became aware of your sexual orientation. Despite the irritation you experience, it appears that he is not directly inquiring about your sexual identity. Does this suggest that he genuinely cares about your feelings?

His indirect approach may be a result of his concern about causing you distress and damaging the relationship.

You indicate that your husband inquires about homosexuality and makes remarks such as, "Sisters even go to Thailand for plastic surgery." When you consider these statements from the perspective of your internal lesbian identity, you perceive them as provocative. However, from another vantage point, do you recognize that your husband is, in fact, expressing his desire to be tolerant and accepting of you?

He appears to be indicating that, regardless of your sexual orientation, he is prepared to make the necessary adjustments to maintain the relationship, including modifying his own behavior if necessary. This suggests a determination to avoid separation.

How might one comprehend the source of your distress?

Despite self-identifying as a lesbian, you also indicate a lack of certainty regarding your sexual orientation.

You have a positive relationship with your husband and value him. You also indicate that it is challenging to find a partner who can accept you due to your personality. It is evident that you value this marriage and even find the sense of security it provides beneficial.

Your husband's repeated suggestions that he is aware of your sexual orientation have caused you considerable distress. It is likely that your primary concern is the potential impact of this knowledge on your relationship with him and the possibility that he may alter his attitude towards you as a result.

The question, therefore, is how to manage the relationship well and maintain the stability of the marriage. In this context, the sexual orientation of the individual in question is not the key factor.

The following section will address the question of how to stabilize the marriage relationship.

From the information provided, it is evident that you and your husband have a strong and positive relationship, demonstrating a profound level of care and commitment to each other. It is clear that you both value the stability and quality of your marriage and are committed to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

In a marriage, emotional bonds represent the most solid foundation. Sexual orientation is merely a personal characteristic. As long as it does not affect the relationship between husband and wife, there is no need to treat it with the same level of concern as if it were a disease. It is possible that the inability to accept lesbianism in marriage is not the fault of the husband, but rather the wife.

It may be advisable to set aside one's sensitivity and engage in discourse with one's spouse regarding one's views on lesbianism, thereby affording oneself the opportunity to gain insight into his perspective. In the event that he exhibits no concern regarding this matter, it would be prudent to recognize that one's current distress is unwarranted.

Furthermore, it is essential to communicate more about the significance you place on each other and the commitment you have to your marriage. Open communication about love and understanding of each other's love will provide a sense of security in the relationship.

If one is confident in one's tolerance and acceptance of one's partner, the question of honesty with one's spouse becomes less of a source of distress.

My name is Teng Ying, and I am a practicing psychologist. I hope that my advice will be of some assistance to you.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jia Ao, and I'm here to help in any way I can!

I've read your message and I'm so excited to help you! It seems like you're having a bit of a rough time figuring out your sexual orientation. You're now married, which is a wonderful thing! It's totally normal for your husband to not know how to react to your sexual orientation. He might be asking some strange questions or making jokes about being your sister. It's okay, these things happen! You're a lesbian, and that's something to be proud of. Your husband might not understand it yet, but you can help him learn. You're sensitive and concerned about this matter, but you're also strong and capable. You can face this challenge together! You might not be sleeping well or feeling anxious, but you can work through it. Communication is key, so you can talk to your husband about your feelings. You'll get through this together!

Putting this aside, your relationship with your husband is still going strong! He treats you well and is very tolerant, and you are also happier with him. It seems that if you don't talk about that topic, your relationship can continue to be so harmonious. I don't know how your husband found out about your sexual orientation, but it's great that he cares about you so much! From the description, it seems that he was just suspicious and testing you. I don't know how he found out that you might be a lesbian, but it's wonderful that he's interested in you! Could it be because of the way you act when you are with him, or because he saw something or heard something, or because he found out through a friend? This shows that he still cares about you very much, that he is afraid of losing you, and that he wants to be closer to you. Otherwise, he could have completely ignored it. The main thing is that you are very anxious and uneasy right now, but you'll get through this! You should think more about how to respond next.

Let's chat!

1. [Orientation analysis] From your own perspective, you are actually not sure if you are gay or not. You said you feel stronger towards girls, which is great, but rarely feel anything towards boys. However, in terms of sexual relationships, you are carrying on normally with him, and you have not expressed any disgust. From this analysis, we know that your sexual orientation is actually not absolute, and you may also be bisexual. You like both boys and girls, which is fantastic! It just depends on who you end up meeting. Isn't it particularly meaningless to be anxious and restless over an uncertain sexual orientation? Now you are married, and your married life looks happy, and other lifestyles are not suitable for you.

2. [Open communication] If you want to be free of constant doubt, carry no burdens, and trust him, then be honest with him! Tell him your past and your true thoughts. I believe you want to live a great life with him. What you were like in the past is in the past. You two need to talk things through, communicate clearly, and understand each other. Ask him why he always has to hint and test. Is there something in his heart he can't get past? You need to figure out why he would do this. Figuring this out is more important than anything else. Then, communicate your inner thoughts with him!

3. [Respect and understanding] Your sexual orientation is your own. It doesn't matter if you liked boys or girls in the past. What matters now is that you are willing to live a good life with your husband! If he understands this, he will definitely try to respect your wishes, stop minding your past, and learn to trust and support you wholeheartedly. Instead of constantly hinting and testing, as he is doing now, he will be there for you every step of the way! If you can both open up to each other, you will feel a lot better!

4. [Love yourself] At the same time, you must also love and treat yourself well. The main reason for your current anxiety is that you don't accept yourself enough. Your subconscious mind may feel that homosexuality is bad and is a secret that you dare not speak of, so you mind it so much. No matter what the final outcome of your conversation with him is, you must learn to accept and approve of yourself. Only in this way can you be more open and peaceful. This is your own problem, and it has nothing to do with anyone else. You can do it! Tell yourself that you are taking a positive step in life, which definitely requires a lot of courage. Live the life you want according to your own wishes, and no matter what happens in the future, you must be happy, with your husband as well, and live a good life without any misunderstandings.

I really hope my answer helps! I love you and the world loves you too! ??

I can see that your husband's questions about your sexual orientation have been really difficult for you. It's totally understandable that you haven't been sleeping well and that you're feeling anxious and confused. I'm here to support you and help you think through this tricky issue.

1. It's really important to make sure you're on the same page about your sexual orientation and your relationship.

I'm not totally sure if I'm a lesbian, to be honest. I feel more strongly about girls and rarely feel anything for boys. I also have normal sexual relations with him (I can't say I enjoy it or dislike it).

It's so great to see that you're exploring and understanding your own sexual orientation! Sexual orientation, like other parts of an individual, is not set in stone. When you're not very clear about it, there's no way to "confess."

It's totally okay! Even if your husband knows that you feel more strongly about girls, he may not be worried about your sexual orientation itself, but rather that you don't really love him or that you will be "taken" by other girls.

So, what kind of sexual orientation is part of your self-exploration? Even if this exploration doesn't lead to a conclusion, or if it does and you find you're homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual, it won't affect the key to your relationship with your husband.

I think the key part may lie in

1. Your own attitude towards sexual orientation

It's totally normal to feel different about your sexual orientation. It's something we all have to navigate at some point in our lives. Whether you feel at ease with the part of yourself that feels more strongly attracted to girls, or whether you feel like an "outcast," ashamed, and feel strange, etc., these different attitudes will directly affect how you feel when others involve this part of your self-identity.

2. How you feel about your relationship with your husband

It's so lovely to hear you say that you value our relationship very much! This kind of attachment shows how much you care about your husband.

I really don't think there's much chance that your husband is worried that you don't love him or that you'll be "taken" by another girl. That would be really unfair of him! It means that you can have a really honest and open conversation with him.

2. To test your husband, you could try to "pre-empt" him.

2. To test your husband, you can try to "pre-empt"

I know this is a tough time for you, and I'm here to help. I want to reassure you that the test your husband is doing is not a test to see if you are a lesbian. It's a way for him to confirm your relationship. I can understand if you're feeling anxious, and I'm here to support you through this. I know your husband may also be suffering from his own internal unrest and suspicions.

Instead of making each other feel bad, it's better to break the ice and have an in-depth discussion about your relationship in an atmosphere of equality, friendship, and openness.

You could try expressing your confusion directly to your husband, for example:

Honey, I've noticed you've been chatting about homosexuality quite a bit recently. You've mentioned things like "let's be sisters" and going to Thailand for plastic surgery. I'm not quite sure what's going on, but I can sense that you're feeling a bit uneasy about it. I care a lot about your feelings and our relationship. I'd really love to know what's going on.

By taking the initiative, you can find out what your husband really wants to tell you behind those "strange words." I'm here for you, and I'm ready to help.

3. When it comes to relationships, it's all about tolerance and mutual support.

No matter how tough the conversation is, if you're talking to each other with love and care, there's always something you can agree on.

It's so great that your husband is so understanding and accepting of you as a person. It shows he's really trying to make the relationship work. And as for your sexual orientation, if it's not affecting your relationship, there's no need to worry about it. But if you ever feel differently and are attracted to a girl because you're a girl, it's the same as if a heterosexual person was attracted to someone of the opposite sex. If you still love your husband, you can work through it together. But if you don't, you might need to go your separate ways.

I really hope this sharing can be an inspiration for you!

I'm a psychologist, not a psychiatrist. I don't study human nature, but I do care about the human heart. I wish you all the best!