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My 11-year-old daughter blames me for the fact that she was born a girl! Gender identity issues?

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My 11-year-old daughter blames me for the fact that she was born a girl! Gender identity issues? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

My daughter is eleven years old. Since last year, she has resisted wearing pink clothing. This year, she simply refuses to wear anything with lace, floral patterns, skirts, lace, etc.! She says the reason is that she feels feminine, and she only wants neutral styles and cool clothes that are masculine and handsome!

Whenever she sees a pretty girl, she makes a face like she's going to vomit!

Secondly, there are 46 children in her class, and she is the only one who has signed up for martial arts classes, while all the other boys have!

Even in kindergarten, she didn't like playing with dolls or toys, but rather dinosaurs and Ultraman.

Recently, I talked to her about why she was born a girl. We even talked about having a sex change operation when she grows up!

Listen to me. There are risks involved in surgery. Hormones also need to be taken to maintain the change, which may reduce life expectancy. I was so scared that I said I wouldn't have the surgery!

Anyway, she is obviously a girl, but why does she like the same things as boys like? Why does she want to be a boy?

I want to respect her, but I'm worried that this is not normal. After all, she belongs to a very small minority. I want to know the reason behind this and whether she needs treatment. If I let it continue, will she have problems with gender identity or abnormal sexual orientation, like boys or homosexuality?

She is 11 years old now, is there still time to observe her further? Will taking her to see a psychologist have any impact on the child?

Elizabeth Elizabeth A total of 2583 people have been helped

To address these issues effectively, it is essential to communicate with your child in a way that is open and respectful. By doing so, we can gain a deeper understanding of the underlying causes behind their behavior.

It is important to listen and understand when communicating with your child. Try to listen to her inner thoughts with an open and respectful attitude, and give her enough space and respect to express herself.

When we inquire about her reasons for selecting a particular style of dress or behavior, we can respectfully ask, "I'd love to understand your reasons for choosing this outfit or behavior. Would you be willing to share them with me?" This approach avoids making her feel scrutinized or questioned, encouraging her to open up and share more of her inner thoughts.

It is important to be mindful of our words and actions during the communication process. We should strive to show respect and understanding for her feelings, even if we may not immediately understand or agree with her choices.

In providing gender identity education, it would be beneficial to convey the message with an equal and inclusive attitude, so that she understands that gender is diverse and everyone has the right to choose the way that suits them.

It might be helpful to consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychologist if you feel there are deeper issues or challenges behind a girl's behavior. A psychologist can provide a deeper analysis and guidance to help the girl find a better solution.

In any case, when communicating with girls, it would be beneficial to maintain a caring and understanding attitude, which will help them feel supported and accepted.

By establishing a good foundation of communication, we can gain a deeper understanding of the inner world of a girl and support her in navigating the challenges and confusion of growing up. Through patient listening and a keen insight, we can truly understand her needs and expectations, and provide guidance that is tailored to her unique needs.

This kind of deep communication and understanding not only helps reveal the root causes of problems, but also has the potential to build an intimate and sincere relationship, which could in turn help girls feel the power of being understood and supported.

It would be beneficial to continuously convey positive messages and values to help girls develop a healthy self-image and self-confidence. We could encourage her to express herself bravely, respect and accept her choices, and at the same time guide her to realize her uniqueness.

Through thoughtful and open communication with the girl, we can gain valuable insight into her inner needs and provide guidance and support that will help her grow up healthily and achieve her potential.

Additionally, with appropriate guidance, children may also be able to adapt to a certain extent. When guiding a young girl to identify with and be proud of her female identity, she can be inspired to feel a sense of affinity and respect for the female community by introducing her to typical examples of many successful women.

It may be beneficial for young girls to learn about the stories and achievements of successful women, as they can serve as role models and benchmarks to inspire them to pursue their dreams and recognize the greatness of women.

For example, Marie Curie, who was a woman of great beauty and wisdom, was the first woman to win the Nobel Prize twice and made significant contributions in the field of science. Melania Trump is a successful businesswoman who has won the respect of people for her professional ability and style. Betty Ford is a strong and independent woman who plays an important role in social welfare.

The successful experiences of these women show us that women can achieve excellence in all fields, and they demonstrate the strength, wisdom, and charm of women. By learning about their stories, we can gain insight into the unique advantages and values that women possess, which could inspire little girls to aspire to become successful women themselves.

By learning about the typical cases of successful women, little girls may be able to develop a favorable impression of and respect for women, which could then continue to inspire them to strive for higher goals during their growth process.

Finally, when determining whether a young girl simply likes the same things as boys or whether there is a problem with her sexual orientation, it would be beneficial to examine the issue scientifically and rationally. The following sections will explore this topic in more detail.

It would be beneficial to consider the concept of gender role perception.

As children grow up, they gradually become aware of gender roles, including the socially expected behaviors and interests associated with each gender. Some girls may gravitate towards toys or activities that are typically associated with boys, not necessarily because of their sexual orientation, but because they are naturally curious about different types of play and experiences.

It seems more probable that this is a matter of exploration and curiosity about new things, rather than sexual orientation.

2. Individual differences and interests

Every child has a unique personality and interests. Some girls may be more interested in things that boys like, but this may simply be due to their personal preferences and talents, and it would be inaccurate to assume that this necessarily involves sexual orientation.

It would be beneficial for parents and educators to respect individual differences and allow children the freedom to choose and express themselves, rather than making premature assumptions and judgments about their behavior.

3. Family Environment and Social Influences

It is also worth noting that a child's interests may be influenced by the family environment and social influences. Factors such as family members, friends, and the media may play a role in shaping a child's interests.

It is therefore possible that the fact a child likes the same things as a boy is not necessarily indicative of their future sexual orientation, but may be influenced by the surrounding environment.

4. Sexual orientation and gender expression

It can be challenging to determine a child's sexual orientation during their formative years. It's important to recognize the distinction between gender expression and sexual orientation. A child's interest in the opposite sex does not necessarily indicate their future sexual orientation. It's essential to approach their behavior with an open mind, avoiding assumptions about their sexual orientation.

It would be beneficial to approach the situation with an attitude of respect and support, rather than making assumptions about the child's gender roles too early.

5. It is important to show respect and support.

It is important to remember that respect and support are crucial, regardless of a child's interests. Parents and educators should strive to provide children with sufficient support and understanding, encourage them to express themselves in healthy ways, and help them develop a correct understanding of gender.

With the right guidance and support, children can develop a positive and healthy gender identity and self-identity as they grow up.

In summary, it would be beneficial for parents to gain a deeper insight into the situation and then address the issue in a more focused manner. It is important for parents to recognise and respect the individual differences of their children, understand their interests and needs, and provide them with sufficient freedom to develop and explore.

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Richard Richard A total of 2436 people have been helped

Hello, parent. The other answers have already given you a scientific and detailed introduction to gender roles.

Give your daughter time to grow up. She's still an eleven-year-old girl, and there's a lot about her that's new and exciting.

Some girls dress in a cool way, which makes her think that androgyny is very attractive. Seeing martial arts makes her curious and she wants to learn. These are just some of the choices she will make as she grows up.

She will make more friends and learn more about the world. She may understand herself better.

Pay attention to her life and needs. Take her out more often.

Go to child-friendly psychological salons or science activities with your child.

If your child wants to become a boy, it may be because she admires some of the qualities of boys or because she wants to try things boys can do. For example, boys often take up martial arts and sports, but girls can also try these activities.

If your child knows little about "girly" activities or is limited to wearing pretty clothes, she may discover other activities she enjoys with her friends.

Many activities are not simply "boys" or "girls." Boys can bake, and girls can also dance. At this age, she may still judge roles through stereotypes. We can guide her and tell her about social space.

We can just watch and see what happens with her future relationships. We shouldn't put too much pressure on her or get involved in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable.

She may have new ideas during adolescence. Give her time and respect her thoughts.

Your child is still growing up. Talking with your child will help you understand each other better.

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Brian Brian A total of 7303 people have been helped

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see you're feeling a bit confused and helpless. But you're also good at recognising this uncomfortable feeling and facing it head on.

After reading your description, I can see why you're feeling this way. It's natural to have concerns when facing this kind of situation. Your concerns are valid.

If your 11-year-old daughter suddenly doesn't like pink and feminine clothing since last year, and Taekwondo 111 suggests that she wants to change gender, etc.

In terms of this issue, my advice is to adjust your mentality. When you're dealing with this kind of situation with your kids, you can't suppress them. Often, kids just go through phases, and these thoughts don't last long.

It's important for parents to try to stay calm and supportive, without labeling their child or adding to their anxiety.

Second, you can actually seek professional help, such as from a professional counselor, to explore what the child's real needs are behind this statement. Is it to protect herself, or is it because of gender inequality that makes her feel better being a boy?

It's important to find out what's really behind the child's thoughts. Is it genetic, or is it because of what they see around them?

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Patrick Collins Patrick Collins A total of 1508 people have been helped

I can sense the unease and worry in the questioner's heart, and I'm here to reassure you that you're not alone. I believe that any mother would be very anxious and worried if she saw her daughter in such a situation, so your current situation is normal and understandable. The issue of gender role identity has also gradually become more prominent in recent years, especially among adolescents. Gender role conflicts have a significant impact on an individual's physical and mental health and life, so it's important to seek support if you need it.

So, how does this situation arise? Don't worry, we're here to help! We've put together some information for you to take away and look over. First, there are factors related to biological genes.

Most people are born with bisexual traits, which means they like both the same sex and the opposite sex. This trait is usually more obvious before the age of 12. After the age of 12, as people grow older and gain more experience, their attraction to the opposite sex and the same sex will change differently. Some people will prefer the opposite sex and pay less attention to the same sex, which is totally normal!

It's totally normal for some people to prefer the same sex and pay less attention to the opposite sex. There's no need to worry or feel alarmed from a biological perspective.

Once you're over 16, your sexual orientation usually stays pretty stable. It's not likely to change much, unless something major happens.

Second, parents should try not to worry too much about this situation. If parents are panicked, the child will feel uneasy too, and this can make things worse. It's important to remember that sometimes the problem isn't the problem itself, but how we deal with it.

If parents can accept this as a natural phenomenon, it'll help the child feel at ease and not feel too much pressure. At this time, it'd be great to go and find out from the child how he or she views the situation and what he or she thinks, and listen to the child's feelings and thoughts.

Even if the child has different ideas or if the parents feel more anxious and worried about the child's future after listening to them, it's important not to negate, criticize, or accuse the child. Some parents might use their affection and morality to try to influence their children, accusing them of being unfilial and not considering the parents' future. This can put a lot of pressure on the child, who may be even less willing to accept the parents' views and strengthen their own beliefs. It's so important for parents to give the child's ideas enough respect. They can disagree without endorsing or supporting them, but they don't have to oppose them either. They can keep their opinions to themselves and let the child slowly think about and decide for themselves.

So, part of the issue with the child's gender identity is that from the moment they're conceived, their parents always hope they'll be a boy. They raise them as boys and say things that reinforce the idea that boys are better than girls. As a result, the child grows up with a gender identity that doesn't align with their biological sex. It's a tough situation, and it's something the questioner might want to think about.

It's important to remember that our little one is only 11 years old and still has so much growing up to do! They may not have the most mature understanding of sexual orientation, gender roles, or sexuality just yet. It's possible that some of this is influenced by peers, such as reading some beautiful male comics, novels, movies, or exchanging information in this area, which can also affect the child's self-identity. However, since sexual orientation is not stable at this age, I personally feel that we can observe for a period of time, get to know the child better, and then make a decision. Besides, this is an issue that doctors in the hospital cannot solve.

I hope these personal opinions are helpful for you, the questioner!

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Lillian Lillian A total of 1519 people have been helped

Hello. I am a heart coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is not about appreciation, it is about blooming.

She behaves and expresses interests differently from other girls, making it seem like your child does not approve of her own identity as a girl. She even threatened to change her gender when she grows up, which is a cause for concern.

1. Breathe deeply and discover the truth.

(1) Parents must provide their children with comprehensive sex education. Many parents are ashamed to talk about this topic and lack the knowledge to educate their children in this area. Additionally, traditional thinking often leads to rejection and repression of sexual knowledge.

It is crucial to understand that sex education is a lifelong process that encompasses two pivotal stages: childhood between the ages of 2 and 3, and adolescence. It is imperative that parents are well-informed about this subject matter to ensure that they do not miss the crucial window of opportunity for imparting sex education and fostering their children's understanding of their own gender.

It is a generally accepted fact that gender awareness is vague before the age of three and gradually begins to emerge after that age. There is no doubt that the family environment, communication between adults, and interactions between adults and children all affect a child's perception of gender.

Children eventually affirm their gender, mainly through the influence of their external environment and education. Learn more about the story of the little girl Youyou in the TV series "Come on, Mom."

Grandma is extremely patriarchal and makes no secret of her preference for boys. Mom has no status at home and little influence, while Dad is a role model for both sides.

Little girl Youyou's behavior has changed significantly over time. Your daughter has experienced similar changes. She no longer wears skirts and has even thrown them in the toilet. She is exposed to and interested in hobbies and sports of the opposite sex. She denies and rejects her own girlhood.

The patriarchal thinking of the older generation in the family forces children to deny their own gender and strive to become the "better boy" their parents expect.

(2) Fathers must play a stronger role in their daughters' education.

The People's Daily published the reasons why fathers bring up children, which emphasized that fathers will have a very important influence on their children's lives, especially daughters. Fathers give daughters the capital of life, and their affirmation makes daughters proud of their identity.

It is crucial for the father to agree because he represents authority and rules in the family. Affirming his pride in his daughter with a simple "I am proud to have you as my daughter" gives her a sense of identity and self-confidence.

I highly recommend that dads see If Fatherly Love is Absent. It's crucial to repair the parent-child relationship and regain the child's trust in their parents.

?2. What can be done to improve the situation?

(1) Provide your daughter with a good environment in which to grow up. Girls who spend a long time living among people of the opposite sex may develop gender behaviors that are psychologically identified with the opposite sex, and may confuse their own gender roles.

For example, if your daughter has clearly told you that she is the only one who has signed up for martial arts classes among 46 children, and that all the other students are boys, you must find out whether this is her own wish or the result of parental influence.

A girl who lives in a male environment for a long time will develop masculine characteristics.

(2) When a girl has some kind of "absurd" idea or request, parents must show understanding and respect, learn to listen, fully understand the truth, patiently listen to the child's "why," and then find the cause and "prescribe the right medicine."

If your daughter says she wants to change gender when she grows up, listen to her views on the differences between boys and girls. Then, guide her to understand that there is no difference in status, just a difference in physical structure. Make sure she knows that boys and girls have equal value, equal personalities, and attractive lives.

(3) Parents must not discriminate on the basis of gender. This includes elders, who must abandon their erroneous traditional ways of thinking. Parents must cultivate a sense of pride in their daughterhood and respect their daughters as individuals.

Take her to make new friends, and help her develop some hobbies and habits that are suitable for girls.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

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Natalie Woods Natalie Woods A total of 3207 people have been helped

I totally get it. It's totally normal for kids to be different. Every child is unique and has their own interests and preferences.

The characteristics your daughter is displaying now are perfectly normal and nothing to worry about!

Eleven-year-olds are at an amazing age of curiosity and exploration! She may be curious about many things and want to try and experience different things. She likes the things that boys like, perhaps just because she finds them interesting and attractive – it's great that she's so open-minded!

This doesn't mean she has any doubts about her gender identity. It just means she's exploring her preferences and interests!

You also mentioned that "since last year, she has resisted pink clothing, and this year, she simply refuses to wear anything with lace, floral patterns, skirts, or lace! She says the reason is that she feels feminine, and she only likes unisex styles and cool masculine styles! As soon as she sees something pretty, she makes a face as if she's going to vomit."

You can sense that she is not interested in traditional "girl toys" and clothing, and that's great! There is so much to learn, so much to try to understand, and so many exciting avenues to explore where her thoughts and feelings come from. It is also a process that helps us to better understand her, and that's a wonderful thing!

Regarding the sex change operation she mentioned, I know this may make you feel a little worried. This may be an idea she has at the moment, or it may just be out of curiosity or an exploration of the unknown.

We can gently tell her that sex reassignment surgery is a complex decision that requires careful consideration and cannot be taken lightly. At the same time, we can guide her to think about what she really wants in her heart, rather than being influenced by external concepts.

Sexual orientation and gender identity are deeply felt within each individual. We should respect and understand our child's choices. No matter what path she chooses in the future, we should give her support and understanding so that she can be free to be herself—and we'll be there to cheer her on every step of the way!

Absolutely! If you're still feeling unsure about your daughter's situation, we can definitely look into taking her to see a professional psychologist. It all depends on what she wants, of course. We can start by chatting with her to see if she'd be open to seeking professional help.

Absolutely! We can definitely find a professional psychologist together to help her better understand herself and answer her confusion.

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Elsie Knight Elsie Knight A total of 9742 people have been helped

She's a girl, but wants to be a boy. She's even thinking about sex change surgery. This is worrying.

As a mother, I would be shocked if my child spoke and acted like this. What's wrong?

I'd like to know what happened.

I saw a timeline that showed resistance to pink clothes starting last year. Before that, she was fine with it.

At 11, I thought her different physical development might be why she was teased. The boys weren't teased.

Don't you envy how free and straightforward boys are? Girls have so many more problems after puberty.

I don't know if she thinks this.

She wants to do things like boys and be as strong as them. As a girl, she can do these things too.

Why be bound by character?

She can choose her own style of dressing and decorate her appearance. According to traditional concepts, girls should be pretty and pink. Some girls can be special and the man among the girls.

She might change her mind about changing sex. It's just a silly idea now.

The future is full of possibilities. It reminds me of my growth and development period. After I had a setback, I felt that boys might have an easier time in life, and I wanted to become a boy too. I also thought about gender reassignment.

I've talked about this with friends, but I won't mention it to my mother. These thoughts only last a short time and then disappear.

Sometimes you might think being a man is good.

Your daughter seems safe with you and can express herself. Talk about men and women, the differences between them, and what each should bear. What if you become a man but it's not easy?

If you can't handle the pressure of becoming a man, would you change back to a woman or find a way to solve the problem?

There are many possibilities for the future, and the idea of becoming a man may change. There's no need to rush to a conclusion.

We can get closer to our children and talk about their problems. Then we'll know how to help them.

Seeking professional help is a good way to deal with difficult times.

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Quincy Alexander Knightley Quincy Alexander Knightley A total of 15 people have been helped

It is crucial to acknowledge that gender identity and gender expression are intrinsic aspects of an individual's internal feelings and self-perception. These can diverge from the gender assigned at birth. Gender identity pertains to an individual's internal sense of gender, whereas gender expression encompasses how an individual presents their gender through appearance, behavior, and expression.

The circumstances surrounding your daughter's situation may indicate a certain degree of confusion or conflict regarding her gender identity and gender expression. This is not an uncommon phenomenon and does not necessarily indicate the presence of an underlying issue. However, it may necessitate a more comprehensive understanding and support framework.

The following suggestions and considerations are offered for your consideration:

1. Respect and understanding: It is of the utmost importance to respect your daughter's feelings and choices. Attempt to comprehend her emotional state and inquire further about her rationale for her decisions.

2. **Open communication**: It is recommended that parents maintain an open line of communication with their children, ensuring that they are aware that they can express their feelings and thoughts in a safe and non-judgmental environment. This approach facilitates the development of trust and understanding between parents and their children.

3. **Seek professional assistance**: Should concerns arise regarding a child's gender identity and expression, it is recommended to consult with a mental health professional. These professionals are equipped with the expertise to provide guidance and facilitate a mutual understanding of these feelings.

4. It is recommended to adopt a wait-and-see approach regarding gender identity and expression. These aspects may evolve and fluctuate over time. Given that the subject in question is 11 years of age and still undergoing growth and exploration of identity, there is sufficient time to observe and ascertain whether her feelings undergo change.

5. It is imperative to refrain from employing any form of negative labeling when interacting with your daughter. Such labeling has the potential to negatively impact her self-identity and self-esteem.

6. Provide support for her interests: If she expresses an interest in martial arts, provide encouragement and assistance in pursuing this activity, as it will facilitate the development of confidence and a sense of self-worth.

7. Provide education about gender and sexual orientation. This will help your daughter understand the diversity of gender identities and that everyone has the right to express their gender and pursue their own happiness.

Ultimately, the decision to take your child to a therapist is a personal one. If you believe it is necessary, it is important to find a professional who is knowledgeable about and accepts gender diversity in children.

Nevertheless, if the child in question exhibits signs of distress or discomfort, it may be advisable to exercise caution and consider the potential implications of such a decision. It is of paramount importance to ensure that the child in question feels loved, accepted, and supported, irrespective of their gender identity and expression.

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Athena Simmons Athena Simmons A total of 6368 people have been helped

Dear questioner, I can totally relate to how you're feeling, and I really hope that my reply can help you out!

Oh, bless her heart! Our girl is only 11, and she's already into unisex and androgynous clothes that are cool and handsome! And as soon as she sees something beautiful, she makes a face like she's going to vomit!

It's also because the child has grown up and has their own ideas. The internet is so well-developed that it gives people a visual impact. Everyone yearns for the good, so there's no need to worry too much!

As parents, if you feel that you have a sense of responsibility and want your children to grow up healthy and happy, what is your usual relationship with your children like? What is the atmosphere like at home? Children's behavior often involves confrontation with their parents, which also reminds parents to grow up and become their children's guides.

Do family members have a patriarchal mindset that neglects children, influenced by traditional thinking? Many fathers hope to carry on the family name and prefer boys, so children cater to their parents. It's so sad when children are so obedient that they lose their sense of self. This is also something parents can work on together.

It would be great to see family members returning to their proper roles! Women should be gentle, and men should be brave and responsible. It's important that they don't take on too much or overstep their bounds. This will help children find their inner order. Many families have only one child nowadays, who is often spoiled rotten, especially by the elderly. It's lovely to see the elderly dote on the child and focus all their attention on him or her!

It's so important to accept your child for who they are. And it's absolutely fine for girls to learn martial arts, which is a great way for them to protect themselves. There's no right or wrong, only pros and cons. You can also spend more time with your child, give them lots of love and support, boost their self-confidence, give them a sense of worth, and let them fall in love with themselves first.

It's also possible that disapproval of gender is a way for children to attack themselves. What have the caregivers done, or what has happened, to make the child want to be a boy? What does being a boy bring her? It's so great when we can recognize the child's bravery and willingness to take responsibility, and accept the child, so that the child can bring about change.

Do parents also deny themselves and live in regret, so that their children take up their cause, protect them, and their children's behavior can be found in their parents, correct themselves, and accept themselves?

Every child is special and unique. It's so important to respect your child's ideas and to let them know that you love and accept them just as they are. Guide them gently along the way, set a good example for them, and they'll find their own path.

Wishing you all the best!

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Jimena Jimena A total of 6284 people have been helped

Since reaching the age of 10, my daughter has demonstrated a preference for clothing that is typically associated with boys, rather than the more traditionally feminine styles associated with girls. From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a degree of anxiety regarding your daughter's sexual orientation and the possibility of her identifying as gay.

I am not a professional in this field, but I would like to explore this issue with you from other perspectives.

There are several potential reasons why a daughter may express a desire to become a man.

1. There is a very small number of females who, despite being female, have male chromosomes inside. This is an innate condition that is very rare.

2: Some individuals are influenced by external people and things during their growth, which leads to changes in their thinking. It would be beneficial to discuss with her the people she encountered before and after the change, what happened to her, and what impact it had on her.

3: The I Ching indicates that a person's thinking is influenced by their geographical environment, which includes the location of their residence. In the post-natal Bagua of the I Ching, east, northeast, and north correspond to the residences of the eldest son, third son, and second son.

It is recommended that girls have their own living space. Prolonged exposure to male space may result in the manifestation of masculine characteristics. For further insight, we recommend viewing the video of the renowned traditional Chinese medicine practitioner Ni Haisha discussing the Tianji I Ching, which offers an in-depth analysis of homosexuality.

4: The external world is a reflection of our internal state. Issues that seem to be solely child-related may actually stem from an unconscious disconnect from our female identity. How do you feel about your gender?

Please indicate whether you have any thoughts regarding male superiority or female inferiority.

The appearance of each problem serves as a reminder of the underlying issue. I would like to conclude by sharing a mandala coloring book. This exercise is designed to facilitate connection with one's inner self, facilitate communication with the subconscious, and help individuals understand their inner emotions regarding their role as daughters.

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Arthur Arthur A total of 7867 people have been helped

Hello! I see your question and confusion, and I'm happy to answer it from the following points.

I appreciate your concern for your child's future. However, I believe that taking a very young child to see a psychologist may have some unintended negative effects. Therefore, I suggest you carefully consider this option. Regarding your concerns about your child's gender orientation and other similar issues, it's understandable that you're worried about these expressions of your child. For instance, if your child doesn't like to play with toys typically preferred by girls, prefers neutral or masculine-style clothes, or takes martial arts classes, it's natural to wonder if these differences are simply a reflection of the traditional gender roles we've come to expect.

It is important to consider whether you can accept your child's future sexual orientation, even if it differs from their biological sex. The way your child dresses and the hobbies they enjoy can also shape their identity. If your child feels that they are a boy, it is worth exploring whether you have a preference for a son over a daughter.

It is interesting to note that children's behavior can sometimes reflect the inner world of their parents. This can result in children presenting themselves in a way that aligns with their parents' expectations. If you are seeking to understand the underlying message behind your child's behavior, it might be helpful to consider whether a visit to a psychologist to change your child's current state is the most appropriate approach.

2. It may be the case that the more parents forbid certain things, the more their children will want to try them. With regard to gender identity, it seems that the way children are brought up and the environment they grow up in may also play a part.

For instance, Jia Baoyu in Dream of the Red Chamber was raised in an environment with many women, and he exhibited a distinctively feminine demeanor. It might be beneficial to consider making adjustments to the external environment, allowing your child to interact with a greater number of girls, encouraging them to engage in activities that are typically associated with girls, and guiding them at a gradual pace. However, it is crucial to refrain from making any accusations or judgments about your child's preferences.

It might be helpful to remember that every individual has both yin and yang sides. You may have noticed more of your child's masculine side.

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Morgan Avery Thompson Morgan Avery Thompson A total of 4466 people have been helped

Hello!

From your description, I know that she is eleven years old and only started to resist wearing fan-shaped clothing last year. This year, she simply refused to wear clothing with lace or lace, and at the same time, she signed up for a martial arts class, indicating that she likes cool androgynous clothing.

You're concerned that your daughter will continue to develop in this way. You're worried that she'll become more and more resistant to feminine clothing, that she'll become less and less comfortable with her identity as a girl, and that she'll become gay in the future.

From a logical point of view, there is no direct or indirect correlation between women's dislike of fans, lace clothing, and martial arts classes and the possibility of being gay in the future. For example, have you ever seen a gay couple? One of the two partners always likes to wear pink clothes and has a very obvious feminine personality. So does that mean that a girl who likes pink clothes and has obvious feminine characteristics will also be gay in the future? There are many special martial arts classes for girls nowadays. Are all girls' martial arts classes going to be gay?

And as for her saying that she wants to become a boy?

Boys this age often have a fascination with girls and their clothes. They love the idea of hanging out with girls and enjoying some of the conveniences of being a girl. Could it be that he's saying this because he likes girls?

Children at this stage are on an incredible journey of personal growth and exploration. They're eager to spread their wings and soar to new heights, and they're ready to embrace a world of independence and self-expression. They're brimming with curiosity and a desire to challenge the status quo. What they need most is a safe space to flourish and to embrace their unique personalities. While it's natural for parents to want to guide and protect their children, it's also important to let them take the lead and discover their own paths. Excessive interference can sometimes have the opposite effect, so it's essential to find a balance where children can thrive while still feeling loved and supported.

I totally get it! Instead of worrying about problems, focus on your child's healthy physical condition and a great family atmosphere. Give them a good, warm environment that's perfect for their development.

Wishing you the very best!

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Lawrence Lawrence A total of 7236 people have been helped

Hello! I just wanted to give you a big, warm hug!

I'm not sure if your daughter has gender identity issues, but I can understand why you're asking. My daughter is also 11 years old, and she also likes to wear simple clothes now.

When she was little, she loved pink, and everything had to be pink. Now it doesn't matter as much, but she still has a soft spot for pink. She doesn't like black pants, and usually just wears simple sweatshirts and pants. Her hair is very long, and I really want to do something with it, like braid it into a ponytail or put on some cute little clips. But she doesn't want any of it, bless her.

I said, "I really want to dress up my little girl, and I've given birth to a cute little girl, but I can't dress her up, which is such a shame." She said, "Oh, what's the point of dressing up? It's all flashy."

When she was little, I could dress her up and buy her the cutest little dresses. Now, though, she doesn't want any. Her cousin has a lot of small clothes for her, but there's not much lace in clothes for this age group. Sweatshirts, pants, and windbreakers are the most common items.

At this age, they just don't like flashy clothes anymore, bless their hearts!

I remember when I was in middle school, I really liked wearing blue and black tops, but I just wasn't into the feminine clothes my mom bought. So I went to my cousin and asked her for her dark blue jacket.

Then we looked down on each other. She didn't like the fact that I wore dark tops and looked dull for someone so young, and I didn't like the fact that she was over 40 and still wore bright red clothes that looked demonic. We were just kids, after all!

We just wore what we wanted, and we were happy!

It's so important to remember that eleven-year-olds are not the same as three- or four-year-olds. It's natural for parents to want to treat their little ones the same way, but it's also good to give them some space to grow and develop their own style.

And nowadays, children have so many ideas and are eager to live according to their own wishes. In this situation, parents just need to get along with their children as if they were 11 years old.

It's totally normal for kids to change their minds as they get older. What you wanted at 11 years old is not necessarily what your 11-year-old wants now. It's so important to give your child respect, understanding, and empathy as they grow and change.

It's so important to make sure your child doesn't hurt anyone and has a positive outlook on life. If she's happy and safe, there's no need to worry. You mentioned that your daughter wears unisex clothes, which is great! It means she'll still fit in with her friends.

Luckily, her classmates and friends have not distanced themselves from her because she wears unisex clothes. It seems like they accept her just the way she is!

It's so important to remember that her distress doesn't come from social relationships, but from her relationship with you. The clothes you expect her to wear, the after-school classes she's enrolled in, and the toys she likes are all feminine, so it's totally understandable that she's feeling this way.

It's so interesting how what is considered suitable for women and men is actually a social construct, not innate. It seems like you're using society's default standards to demand of your daughter, and these standards actually lag behind the child's development.

However, it seems like you're holding your own standards or the social expectations of femininity against your child, which is making her act like a girl. And because she doesn't want to be bound by the so-called feminine standards, she has chosen to do her own thing.

I would gently suggest that you don't worry too much about your child's clothing preferences. The more you ask her to change, the more she will defy you. She is still young, so just wait and see.

If you're feeling really concerned, I'd suggest speaking to a counselor. They can help you work through your worries.

I'm a counselor who's often pessimistic and sometimes positive. I love you and the world, and I'm here to help!

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Jacqueline Jacqueline A total of 1176 people have been helped

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who can make images speak!

The questioner's 11-year-old daughter has been embracing her individuality by refusing to dress up "pretty" since last year. She's even suggested that she wants to become a transgender when she grows up, which is a bold and exciting choice! While she may like what boys like, she's still obviously a girl at heart.

Why do you want to be a boy? It's totally normal to have such thoughts and behaviors!

First of all, it's important to understand that a person has not only a biological sex, but also a psychological sex. The situation of children tends to be a gender identity problem, which is different from transvestism or homosexuality – and it's a totally normal part of development!

People with gender identity issues usually show signs of it in childhood. It's so important to be aware of this, as it can have a huge impact on your child's development. For example, if you introduce your child to a kindergarten where they don't like the toys for girls, and now that they're entering adolescence, they're even more direct about expressing their preferences in clothing, it's a great opportunity to have a chat with them about it. The good thing is that your child is willing to communicate with you, which shows that your relationship is still good.

People with gender identity often face strong social pressure as adults, such as social discrimination against "transgender people." This discrimination brings huge psychological pressure, which can lead to various psychological disorders. The good news is that it is very necessary to gain the understanding and support of family members. Even if psychological intervention is accepted, the goal is not to correct gender orientation, but to allow them to identify with themselves and be more determined and courageous to live a good life.

Second, there is no clear explanation for the causes of gender identity issues. Research suggests that it is related to genetic factors, hormonal abnormalities, abnormal physical development, parental gender attitudes, and family and social environment. I understand how uneasy and anxious you feel when you learn that your child wants to change their gender. But there is hope! You can calm your emotions and take action. You can seek professional psychological counseling help together with your child, and with the help of professionals, finally determine his identity.

Adolescents are at the exploratory stage of understanding sex, and the best thing you can do is to respect them! It's an exciting time for them as they navigate some serious conflicts about self-identity and role confusion.

When a person cannot truly identify and accept themselves from the inside, they are also particularly prone to choosing gender reassignment as a way to escape the present. This is an amazing opportunity for them to embrace a new identity and embark on a journey of self-discovery!

In any case, it is a great idea to take the child to see a psychologist! They can explore gender identity and expression, learn ways to manage stress, practice self-acceptance, and regain a healthy and dignified life.

Best regards! I'm so excited to see you soon!

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Comments

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Miles Thomas If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success.

It's important to listen to your daughter and understand that her preferences for clothing and activities are part of her individuality. It's not uncommon for kids to express themselves in ways that might not align with traditional gender norms. Every child is unique, and it's great that you're open to understanding her better.

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Yale Anderson The value of a man is measured by his honesty.

I can see how concerned you are about your daughter, but it sounds like she's just expressing her own sense of style and interests, which is a healthy part of growing up. Instead of worrying about whether her choices are 'normal,' maybe focus on supporting her as she explores what feels right for her. Encouraging her to be true to herself can build her confidence and selfesteem.

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Dylan Thomas The ability to turn failure into success is a skill that separates the winners from the losers.

Your daughter seems to have a strong sense of who she is, and that's something to celebrate. It's okay if her interests don't match typical gender expectations. If you're worried about her wellbeing, talking to a professional like a psychologist or a counselor who specializes in gender identity could provide guidance. They can help ensure that she feels supported and understood without making her feel like there's something wrong with her.

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