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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Good day. I can see the predicament you're in. You have two children with your partner, but you don't like your husband's intimate actions. You feel that you can't get into an intimate relationship, and you are somewhat perplexed. I can empathize with your situation.
The earliest intimate relationships are formed from the attachment between a child and their mother. If a secure attachment is formed with the mother in the early years, then there can be a sense of security and belonging in intimate relationships. It would be beneficial for the questioner to recall how their parent-child relationship with their mother was when they were young. Was it familiar and warm, or was it distant and lacking in care and companionship? The attachment between a child and their mother will be repeated in the intimate relationship between a couple as adults.
You have indicated a dislike of physical contact from your partner, particularly kissing. It is evident that you have an aversion to being kissed by your husband. Do you experience feelings of disgust and aversion when you have physical contact and kiss your children? Has this been the case between you and your husband from the outset of your relationship until now?
Has there been a change in circumstances? Do you still hold the same feelings for your husband?
To what extent do you and your husband have trust and understanding in each other?
Love is comprised of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. A love that encompasses all three is a happy and beautiful love. I suggest reading the book The Five Languages of Love. Everyone has a preferred method of receiving love. Identifying your and your husband's preferred expressions of love will enhance mutual understanding. The more you communicate with each other and express love in the preferred manner, the more harmonious your relationship will become.
You have indicated that you are unable to enter into an intimate relationship. I believe this is an issue that can be discussed with your husband. There is a highly regarded book on the subject of intimate relationships called "Knowing Love." The author provides an in-depth analysis of what an intimate relationship is and how to maintain one. I found it very beneficial, and I hope you will too. Intimacy can be learned. We need to identify the reason why we are unable to enter into a relationship and accept intimate physical contact. Once we have identified this, we can begin to work on a solution.
Love is a skill that can be learned. I hope you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and overcome your difficulties in the near future. Best of luck.
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Comments
I understand your feelings and it's important to communicate openly with your husband about what you're comfortable with. It seems like there's a disconnect between the two of you, and discussing your boundaries might help him understand and respect your limits.
It sounds challenging and I empathize with you. Maybe exploring the reasons behind your discomfort can offer some insights. Sometimes our past experiences or personal values can influence how we feel about physical closeness.
Your feelings are valid and it's crucial that you feel safe and comfortable with your partner. Perhaps seeking the support of a counselor could provide guidance on how to address these issues together as a couple.
Feeling this way can be tough, especially when it impacts your relationship. It might be helpful to talk to your husband about finding new ways to express affection that feel good for both of you, ensuring intimacy remains positive and mutual.