17, grew up with grandparents, lately cry every night?

After reading your account, I can summarize it like this: your father is usually one way when he's not angry.

When he gets angry, his temperament is the exact opposite. And you mentioned a stepmother, which means your father has remarried since the divorce, right?

You need to pay attention to something. After your father has beaten you, has he ever said anything to you afterwards, like "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry"? Let me be clear: beating someone is wrong, and even apologizing is wrong.

This question will help us understand your father's personality. We need to know if your father feels that you are rebelling and wants to "educate" you in this old-fashioned way, or if there is another reason.

You also said this isn't the first time this has happened. The lack of companionship with your father when you were young has led to a barrier in communication between father and son. Your father doesn't understand your character or the way to educate children because he wasn't educated and didn't have companionship when you were young.

You need to make your father realize that this method is wrong. It hurts your heart and it doesn't solve the problem.

You need to sit down and talk to your father. Of course, let's be realistic. Even if you talk it out, your father may not realize it, and the heart-to-heart talk may not be effective.

You hate your father's way of educating you. If you don't say anything, others will think this method is right and effective. Then, the next time a similar situation arises, he will still use his previous experience and beat you.

Heart-to-heart may not be effective, but it is the safest and currently the most effective and most likely way. In any case, if you want to escape this situation, you have to try heart-to-heart.

From what you've told me, it seems that the stepmother has temporarily reconciled with you. This shows that she still cares about you to some extent.

Your father should listen to her too. If you're embarrassed to speak to him directly, let her act as an intermediary. Have her communicate with him on your behalf, then persuade him to communicate with you.

Then you simply have to tell him calmly and directly what you really feel.

Hello!

You lived with an elderly person who loved you, then your father. He loves you, but hits you when you're in a bad mood. He never talks to you, which makes you feel bad. You're 17, but he still treats you roughly. You feel bad and get angry. You cry and hit yourself.

I'm sorry for what you've been through. Let me give you a hug.

First, you and your father don't understand each other. Later, your father is worried about controlling you. So he may be too strict with you.

Secondly, your father is under a lot of pressure. He is middle-aged, has two children, and has remarried. When he beats you, he is just letting out pent-up emotions.

You can find out about your father's life and work situation. You can even ask him directly. Communication doesn't just mean having a conversation. You can also ask questions and talk about everyday things.

Your father may be rough with you, but he also has a lot on his mind.

Your stepmother is also very good to you. She can help you get to know your father, learn about their life, and express your needs.

I hope these suggestions help.

Hello, child. You are worthy of love, and your parents love you. These inappropriate actions are a result of the pressures of life and family changes, not a reflection of your worth.

Let me be clear about the concept of family relationships.

1. The deeper the love, the harder the criticism. There are problems with the communication between you and your father. The current situation is simple and rude, and there is undoubtedly anger, misunderstanding, and even resentment between you.

If you weren't father and son, you wouldn't have these problems at all. Your emotions are now a mixture of love and hate, and you can't communicate with each other, or you don't want to, you can't, you won't. You need to understand that losing your temper is, at root, a punishment for your own powerlessness.

Second, even if their parents don't divorce, they still have their own problems, which means no family is absolutely happy. Every family has its own problems. Don't think that your family's situation is the most unfortunate. Some families that don't divorce may have even bigger problems than yours.

Don't assume that just because they're still married, you're the center of the family. That might not be the case. In society, everyone is an independent individual. Living in a family requires tolerance and hard work to maintain. They got divorced for their own reasons, but you're lucky to still have someone who can raise you and support you financially. That means they're not evading their responsibilities.

Who cares? Make yourself strong as soon as possible and stop relying on others. If you're nice to me today, I'll be nice to you tomorrow. It's a two-way street.

Third, you will change from needing others to coax you to coaxing them. You will have a longer-term perspective than they do, be quicker at emotional analysis than they are, and develop well as an individual. This will have a more positive effect, and you will earn respect through your hard work and strength.

You're about to become an adult at 17. That means you can work and support yourself. If you're still in school, use this time to build your strength. You will become stronger and stronger.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems there may be a sense of feeling somewhat powerless in dealing with her father.

The child grew up with his grandparents until the age of 14, and the father was mostly absent during an important stage of character formation, so the questioner has had limited experience with his father.

At the age of fourteen, the sense of independence is rapidly developing. He started living with his father, but the reason was that he divorced his mother. The questioner is only fourteen years old, and he has to face the divorce of his parents, leave familiar people and environments, and live with a "most familiar stranger." It is understandable that so many complex situations have had a great impact on the questioner's psychology.

It is fortunate that the questioner mentioned that her father is usually very good to her and patient most of the time. However, it should be noted that they have not lived together for more than ten years, which may have contributed to the current situation. It is understandable that after such a long period of time, there might be a lack of familiarity with each other's habits, language expressions, or even eye contact and body language.

It is possible that what may seem like a perfectly natural thing to say to one person may sound very uncomfortable to the other.

Additionally, the years between the ages of 14 and 17, which we often refer to as the adolescent stage, are often marked by a growing sense of independence, a belief that one's own perspective is the only correct one, heightened emotional sensitivity, a strong concern for the opinions of others, and a coexistence of idealism and criticism. During this period, individuals may develop an image of the world and others that they consider to be perfect, and may become particularly critical when they notice any inconsistencies.

It is important to remember that these are the psychological and emotional characteristics that are unique to this age group, and they are very normal. Therefore, the questioner does not need to be anxious about their own emotional changes. At the same time, because Dad does not know the questioner well enough, he may not realize that the questioner is at this stage of development and is still treating you as a young person with the attitude he used when you were a child. Therefore, conflicts may arise.

I believe that another potentially beneficial aspect is the possibility of the stepmother acting as a mediator between you and your father. Given her understanding of both your perspectives and the types of communication that are most constructive, she could serve as a valuable external support for the questioner.

When discussing conflicts between parents and adolescent children, it is often helpful to gently remind parents to accept their children's special psychological changes at this stage, to embrace their emotions and feelings, and to focus on building a strong, supportive relationship with their children. Once this foundation is in place, it becomes easier to address specific challenges.

If I might offer my advice to the original poster, it would be:

1. It would be helpful to first ensure that you feel you are an important member of this family, and that your father, stepmother, grandparents, and mother all love you very much. Regardless of the nature of their relationship, your relationship with each of them will remain unchanged, and their love for you will continue to be unwavering.

2. The questioner has his own ideas and opinions about things, which is a valuable quality that will be beneficial for your future development.

3. At the same time, there may be room for improvement in the way you communicate and express yourself. You might consider being less "rigid" and "inflexible." The important purpose of communication is to express your thoughts and opinions clearly, and to make the other person understand and accept them as much as possible.

For instance, regarding the noodles, Dad inquired why the questioner didn't assist her sister in cooking a bowl. The questioner could respectfully explain the circumstances: she has to attend class in the morning, so she'll depart early after cooking; her sister doesn't have class in the morning, so the noodles might spoil if she waits for her to wake up; she could simply cook them again when she wakes up.

Perhaps we can avoid any more serious problems in the future.

Using declarative sentences may be a more comfortable way to express your thoughts than using rhetorical questions like "who cares what he does." When chatting with classmates and friends, it's possible that if the other person answers with a rhetorical question, it might feel like they are being opposed and not accepted.

It is inevitable that family members and classmates will live together every day, and that there will always be disagreements, friction, and conflicts, both big and small.

However, the questioner's upbringing changed dramatically when he was a teenager, which may have made you more sensitive to these conflicts and your family's attitude. This could be the reason why you now feel particularly aggrieved and cannot accept your father's violent behavior towards you. He would never do that to his younger sister, so you feel unfairly treated. You may also feel that your younger sister has a mother by her side, and although the stepmother is very good to you, there is still a difference in love after all.

Once the questioner has had time to process her emotions and is in a position to listen to advice, I believe she may be able to have an open and honest conversation with her stepmother about her true thoughts.

On the one hand, she can empathize with the emotions of the questioner, which might help to create a sense of warmth and attention.

On the other hand, you might consider using her to convey to your father what you want to say to him. Perhaps you could suggest that he be more patient and tolerant with you, and that he put his hot temper away. Fighting is too serious a matter for a seventeen-year-old. You might ask him to show more respect and treat you as an adult, and listen to your thoughts more often, rather than just giving orders and commands.

Hug you, child!

I understand your frustration, but please don't harm yourself. Everyone deserves to be loved and to love themselves.

I understand the context of your upbringing. You grew up with your grandparents and then, after your parents divorced when you were 14, you lived with your father, who had started a new family. Going through all these things is not easy for a child going through puberty. It is also a test during a critical period of growth and self-awareness.

I am glad to hear that you can sense the love of your grandparents from your description. It is clear that your father is mostly very patient, only occasionally losing his temper. It is also evident that your stepmother mediates when you and your father have conflicts. This shows that you are still living in a loving environment. Regardless of how your father behaves this time, you must believe that he loves you and that you are worthy of love.

2. This incident of cooking and eating noodles was a clear trigger for a conflict with your father. I understand your grievance. You are reluctant to talk to your father because you feel aggrieved, but the fact that you keep blaming yourself for slapping yourself shows that you still very much desire your father's understanding and a repaired relationship.

You didn't grow up with your parents, so you and your father haven't established a good communication pattern yet. You love each other but don't know how to express it. Your father is also a human being, and you can't expect him to understand all your feelings. This time, your father has other ideas or misunderstandings.

Take the initiative and talk to your father. There is no absolute right or wrong in parent-child relationships. Time and communication can resolve many misunderstandings and conflicts.

3. You mentioned that your father hit you, and you remember the frequency very clearly, which shows that you care about each incident. Each incident may have a story. For your father, it may be a way to relieve stress, or it may be some traditional Chinese values. In any case, such things will hurt the parent-child relationship.

Find a time when your father is in a good mood and talk to him about your feelings. Express your feelings and use your stepmother to deliver the message if you need to. The reconstructed family has a stepmother and a younger sister, and these relationships are not easy, but you can handle them.

You're about to turn 18. This is an important and sacred moment. Believe in yourself. You will grow into an independent and strong self. You will face the uncertainties and small blessings of life.

Do not doubt your father's love.

I empathize with your concerns. Your grandparents may have been kind to you and never struck you. Recently, your relationship with your father has been strained, and you find it difficult to accept that he even struck you. You are sad and want to cry. This is a normal reaction. Moreover, you are at an age when you are sensitive, vulnerable, and even a little rebellious.

My child, do not be sad and do not doubt your father's love. Fatherly love is not easily understood, but once you understand it, you will realize that your father is also a sensitive individual.

Kindly extend your affection.

At 17, you are already an adult. It would be beneficial to view your father from an adult perspective. He is an ordinary person who has likely experienced challenges.

He has experienced the failure of a marriage and subsequently formed a new family unit. It is possible that the effects of the previous marriage still impact him, but he also has to cope with the demands of a new family.

He desires your happiness and has endured numerous grievances in your absence. From his perspective, he has already provided you with the optimal level of support.

It is important to understand your father better, given that you are his child.

From this day forward, demonstrate your love and care for your father, sister, and stepmother. In return, you will receive even more love. Live your life as a beacon of light, brightening your home and the lives of those around you.

Perform the required tasks.

Another common topic is the importance of studying hard.

Ultimately, the decision of which university to attend is yours alone. It is simply a matter of being true to your youth and conscience.

I wish you the best of luck!