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25, worked for half a year last year, now feel trapped for various reasons?

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25, worked for half a year last year, now feel trapped for various reasons? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

My parents and relatives often seem to easily influence my mood. I rarely contact my parents anymore; I previously had depressive tendencies, couldn't get out of bed, and was constantly depressed. Later, I couldn't stand being with my mother, and my aunt and uncle treated me like a daughter, which relieved my burden and allowed me to come here. However, I have been helping to run the store for two consecutive months, which was quite different from my initial plan of going to a hospital's psychiatric department for rest and recovery. I was anxious internally because I didn't get enough rest and wasn't able to work, and there were also conflicts with my aunt, so she told my grandmother to ask me to leave. In fact, I was also thinking about moving out because of the lack of rest and the discomfort caused to both parties. Later, my grandmother wanted me to go to my father's place, but I refused because I had already decided not to contact my parents. Later, I learned from an acquaintance of my aunt (whom I also know) that the truth was my father had to travel for work, and they wanted my grandparents to go to my father's place to take care of the child (my father's stepchild, born in 2018). However, my uncle thought it was not good for the elderly to go to an unfamiliar place, so they decided to keep them at home. My stepmother believed that since the child was enrolled in a training class, it was not possible, so they turned to me, wanting me to go as well. They also randomly introduced me to a job, and everything seemed perfect: the child wouldn't have to go to the countryside, the grandparents would have someone to look after them, and I would have a job. My father thought that if I was worrying too much, it was fine, but still too self-centered.

Jayne Jayne A total of 7172 people have been helped

Hello!

Host:

Hi there! I'm Coach Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I've read your post and I totally get where you're coming from. I've been there too!

It seems that I've always been arranged, too! I'm so impressed by how bravely the host has expressed his distress and sought help on the platform. I'm sure it'll help him understand himself better and adjust his thinking.

I'd love to share some more of my thoughts and observations from the post, which I hope will help you gain a more diverse perspective.

1. Being arranged

From your post, I could see that you mentioned some things that I think are really important.

I'm really sensitive to my parents' emotions.

To the brother-in-law and sister-in-law, who were ready to rest but had to keep an eye on things at the store.

It also seemed like she was supposed to help out with the kids after work, which I'm sure she was happy to do!

It seems like things haven't gone the way you wanted, but it's okay! We all have to navigate these things in life. You wanted to get away from your parents, but it looks like you're still in the family environment after all this time.

I can see how the original poster might feel tied up, and I totally get it.

2. Take some time to think about what you can do for yourself right now.

From reading your post, I can tell you're facing some tough choices. On the one hand, you want to follow your heart and do what feels right for you.

On the other hand, it seems that the family all want you to do that. At this time, it often causes some conflict in our hearts, which is totally normal!

So, how can we work through this and take control of our lives?

Let's chat together about this: do you follow your heart or continue to be arranged?

What if you follow your heart? You might find that your family doesn't understand or accuse you.

On the other hand, it might be self-blame. But you can learn to take responsibility for yourself, even if they don't care about you anymore.

I think this is something the original poster needs to think about.

If you still follow the rules your family sets for you, you might keep feeling trapped and your emotions might get worse. The good thing is, your family probably won't blame you for it.

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide which path you want to take. How you see things is also important.

3. Give it a try!

In the post, the poster mentioned that he is 25 years old and is actually an adult. From a psychological point of view, it's so important for adults to learn to take responsibility for themselves, their emotions, and their needs.

The poster in the post mentioned that they feel trapped. So, if they want to break out of this predicament, what can they do?

There's a psychological viewpoint that says all love is about integration, but the love parents give their children is about separation. How can we make sense of this?

The parent-child relationship is all about growing up and moving on. It's about learning to be independent and autonomous. And that often means learning to separate from our original family.

This is the only way we can truly be independent and autonomous, and break free from the influence of our early upbringing.

4. Learning and improvement

In the post, the host mentioned that he's been feeling a bit down lately. It's totally understandable! We all have our ups and downs. At this time, the host may have to make a choice based on his own situation.

If you have the means, you can go for some counseling. It can be really helpful! And if you don't, learning and improving may also help you a lot. By learning about psychology

You'll be able to reduce your internal conflict and find a way of living and working that suits you if you just take the time to understand yourself better.

I really hope this helps and inspires you in some way. If you have any questions, you can also try clicking on Find a Coach to chat with a coach one-on-one and grow together.

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Isaac Isaac A total of 4615 people have been helped

Hello, host!

As you've described it, many things in life are too complicated, and many people feel trapped.

[Influenced by parents' emotions]

Absolutely. Parents are the people in this world who are closest to us by blood.

We care about every move they make, and it affects us deeply.

You said you want to leave them, and you've thought about it for a long time.

You want to start living a relatively independent life materially by leaving them.

You need to have your own relatively independent spiritual life.

I applaud you for recognizing that independence from each other and separation from your parents is a life topic for everyone.

[At your brother and sister-in-law's]

When you went to your brother and sister-in-law's house, you expected it to be a safe haven to adjust.

There will undoubtedly be misunderstandings between the two sides because there are expectations and no clear communication in advance.

Adults have expectations of each other, and it is normal to have some friction after spending time together for a long time.

But communication cannot be undone. Had you discussed your needs with each other in advance, you would not have come to your uncle's house.

You want to move out, which is also an option. You can take care of yourself if you move out.

[Go to your father's place]

You're going to live with your grandparents, right?

Grandparents and elderly people often have trouble raising children.

If you stay with the elderly, you must be prepared to listen and accept their difficulties.

I don't know if you're up to keeping the elderly company right now.

If the problem is that you have a good relationship with your grandparents and can take care of each other,

[Finding self-worth]

At 25, you are an adult. It's time to take care of yourself and love yourself.

Your parents' need for care from you is not yet strong.

Your parents' need for care is also gradually decreasing.

This is an age when you establish your own identity. You ask yourself, "Who am I? What kind of person do I want to be?"

I need to find out who makes me feel comfortable and gives me a sense of purpose. I also need to find out who my role model is.

I need to know what my goals are for the next ten years.

If you don't understand, seek counseling.

My name is Amy, and I wish you the best.

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Comments

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Sully Davis A well - read and well - studied soul is like a lighthouse guiding others through the sea of ignorance.

I can totally relate to how complicated family dynamics can be. It sounds like you've been through a lot emotionally and it's understandable that you need space for your mental health. Finding a balance between personal wellbeing and family obligations is really tough.

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Zenobia Price Learning is a source of inspiration.

It seems like you're at a crossroads where you're trying to prioritize your recovery but also feeling pulled in different directions by family expectations. Maybe setting clear boundaries could help you manage these pressures while still taking care of yourself.

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Henrietta Anderson Forgiveness is a bridge that spans the gap between hurt and healing.

The situation with your aunt and the job they found for you sounds like a potential solution, but it's important that any decision you make aligns with your own needs and recovery goals. You deserve an environment that supports your mental health.

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Louise Anderson The difference between a success and a failure is the ability to persevere through difficulties.

Feeling caught between wanting to help and needing to focus on your own health is challenging. It might be helpful to communicate openly about what you can handle right now. Your wellbeing should come first, and sometimes that means saying no to things that aren't beneficial for you.

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