A 24-year-old woman, always pouring out her sorrows, doesn't know how to get along with her mother?

Good day.

From your description, I understand your restraint. You appear to be experiencing confusion and a sense of being overwhelmed, as if the circumstances surrounding your mother and her words have exacerbated the situation.

The aforementioned restraint allows me to fully appreciate the care you have for your mother.

It is not feasible to remain her dutiful daughter indefinitely. However, you are compelled to try. Given that you are a flesh-and-blood human being with a soul, not a machine/program that constantly carries weight, this is not possible.

It appears that your mother is seeking to have you gain a deep understanding of the challenges she faced in raising you, and then to receive comfort from you. It is important to rely on your own efforts to gain a sense of independence and security in life.

It is unfortunate that a mother holds this belief, which is likely influenced by her past experiences with poor quality love.

It is analogous to running hurdles: she must clear them herself, and you cannot run the race for her or jump the hurdles for her.

A mother's love for her child is defined by her decision to become a mother and to prioritize her own happiness and peace of mind, even in the event that she is the primary caregiver.

It is important to note that love cannot be used as a bargaining chip, as it will ultimately lead to unintended consequences. This is a crucial distinction from thinking outside the box.

The questioner has been facing a number of challenges, including academic examinations, job hunting, domestic issues, and the ongoing pandemic. They are keen to find ways to manage these challenges in a calm and effective manner.

The more you believe you are required to work hard for your mother, the more you feel powerless when you make a minor mistake.

It is important to develop self-awareness and be vigilant about the potential consequences of prolonged physical immobility.

As time progresses, there are increasing opportunities in society and a growing number of capable individuals. This is a stark contrast to the era in which parents were born.

It is not the daughter's responsibility to meet her mother's expectations. Instead, the mother should assess whether her expectations are driven by love or fear.

Love fosters optimism, while fear can lead to anxiety, excessive effort, and (sigh) apparent relief.

It would be advisable for the questioner to set some boundaries with her mother, take care of her life and feelings with appropriate care, take care of her own life first, and learn to master the rhythm she wants.

"The Bond of Motherly Love" and "Heart Intelligence." The questioner is encouraged to spend some time reading or listening to the book. They may find it beneficial to have these resources as companions.

We encourage you to explore world classics such as Jane Eyre and War and Peace.

In the books, replace the previous problematic ones with a brand new kind of love (the feeling of being loved).

Good day, question asker.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems that her mother may have rejected her due to some setbacks in her studies. Is that an accurate understanding?

With regard to the education in the original family, it is often necessary to make a judgment and learn from the positive aspects while setting aside the negative ones. However, since the question was posed on a platform, I would like to offer the questioner a brief piece of advice.

1. Attempt to understand your mother's perspective.

The questioner also expressed that initially, they had a certain understanding of their mother, but that her subsequent rejection was ultimately difficult to accept. Due to a single setback, their mother made a complete rejection and an absolute judgment about their future.

It would be helpful for you to understand that the mother of the questioner chose to divorce in order to raise the questioner, and that she has experienced a great deal of pressure as a result. The education that the mother's family gave the mother of the questioner made it difficult for her to effectively release her negative emotions. She is only able to pour out her heart to the questioner, and she finds it challenging to accept even minor setbacks, as she believes failure is unchangeable.

It is important to understand the mother's motives behind this situation. This is not about asking the questioner to forgive the mother, but about the questioner being able to treat their mother with more peace and understanding.

2. Consider establishing some boundaries.

After the mother became an adult, she continued to express her negative emotions towards the questioner in the same way she had done in the past. This also seemed to indicate a lack of boundaries.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider setting some boundaries with their mother. For instance, if the questioner's mother expresses doubt about the questioner's future, the questioner could respond by saying, "I understand your concern, but I believe my future is in my own hands, and I'm grateful for your support."

Perhaps it would be helpful to acknowledge the positive emotions in her words, such as worry, while also recognizing that there are also some negative expressions.

3. Consider learning to release your emotions.

It is important to remember that failing an exam once does not necessarily mean that you will fail in the future. What we can do in the face of failure is to identify the areas in which we can improve and gradually work towards achieving our goals. It is also helpful to learn to accept the negative emotions that failure can bring and to find ways to release them.

As an alternative, the question asker might consider engaging in some physical activity or pursuing a personal interest as a means of shifting their focus away from negative emotions.

4. Consider learning to accept yourself.

If the people around you tend to be negative, you might consider temporarily stepping away from the situation to gain some distance and perspective. After taking a moment for yourself, you could reach out to a friend or a professional counselor to process your emotions.

It might be helpful for the questioner to focus on the things they like and do things that make them happy, and try to immerse themselves in them. You could also try eating something sweet, as sweets can make the questioner feel happy.

I hope my answer will be of some help to the questioner.

Hello!

It's great to see you two supporting each other. Hugs!

Life is full of disappointments, especially at your age!

You couldn't get into graduate school or a job during the pandemic. I can imagine how hard it's been for you and your mother.

If you ask, you'll have a lot to complain about. It's not easy for anyone. The saying "misfortune loves company" is true.

If we can stay calm, we can overcome misfortune. If we are defeated, the situation will only get worse. You are an outstanding girl. You have been admitted to a good university. This university is not easy for you and your mother. Without your mother's support and your hard work, you would not be at university. Well done to you and your mother for persevering.

The postgraduate entrance exam has become more difficult over the past two years. It is very difficult to pass. If you say it is not bad and that you are pursuing a postgraduate degree, it may increase the difficulty. This is forced by the general trend. Perhaps my mother's level of education is not high, so she cannot see this situation clearly. She may put a lot of pressure on you. For example, she complains that she is not easy, that if she fails, you fail too. I think this is related to her perception.

We went to college and got a higher education. We know to come to this platform to get scientific help when we have a problem, right? I guess your mother doesn't know this. She thinks her way is the only way. She thinks that if he says something that makes her feel better, it will help you find a job as a graduate student. This is the only method he can think of. This shows he doesn't understand much.

I know you also admit that being a mother is difficult. When we admit that it's not easy for him, we also have to see his limitations. I know that because of his limitations, you have suffered. But we have knowledge, and we can use it to recognize our mothers' limitations. Then? Don't take your mother's words to heart. That's all she sees. If she's willing to say it, we'll try not to argue. I know you used to do the same thing, but I hope that in the future, you can silently recite, "This is the limitation of a mother."

Another possibility is that when mom says it, we try to find a reason to avoid a deeper conversation. We don't let her words go deeper and deeper according to his limitations. We can say we have something to do with our classmates, that we need to read for a while, or that we need to go shopping. We just need to find some excuses to do something that makes us happy.

It's not just when your mother talks. You also need to get away from this feeling. I know what you mean when you say, "Whenever I communicate with my mother, I get hurt. But you still want to get along with your mother. I think that with this kind of attitude, you will find a way to communicate with your mother, and your superficial harmony will be maintained.

Stay strong! The world and I love you!

Hello, host! I'm July.

After reading your description, I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask. In this regard, I'd like to give you a hug in four dimensions.

From what you've told me, I can see how your relationship with your mother has changed. When your parents divorced, your mother focused on you and had a lot of expectations. Over time, you felt stressed and couldn't escape from the situation. Have you thought about giving your mother a hug?

After your parents divorced, your mom naturally turned her attention to you. She saw that your dad wasn't on her side, so she tried to bond with you and establish a relationship.

This is what's known as a symbiotic relationship in family systems therapy. It's the relationship between you and your mother. So, your mother will get involved in your work and life too much because she thinks you need her help.

In this regard, I've also put together a few tips to help you deal with the current situation. I hope they'll be useful for you.

(1) Take a deep breath, take your time, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. Putting too much pressure on yourself will make you feel bad and put you in a negative environment.

(2) It's true that her boundaries are a bit blurred and unclear, but she's just trying to protect you and is afraid you'll make a bad choice. That's why she's so involved and you want to escape your current situation.

(3) Find a good time and place to talk to your mother about what's on your mind. Don't bottle up your feelings too much, because that can make you feel bad.

(4) When you're chatting with your mother, it's better to talk about your feelings and thoughts rather than getting into a debate about what she did or didn't do. That will just make things worse.

(5) Set some clear boundaries. This means you need to be aware that your mother's comments are her own business, not yours. You need to develop your ability to differentiate yourself from her, rather than letting her negative words influence you.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world loves you too!

Wishing you the best!

Hello. I understand what you are going through. During the anxiety/during-these-two-years-of-the-pandemic-ive-mysteriously-become-very-anxious-experiencing-severe-insomnia-what-should-i-do-11079.html" target="_blank">pandemic, it is already easy to be anxious. Coupled with a small personal setback, your mother not only fails to comfort and accompany you, but also nags, blames, and complains! Anyone who encounters such things will be anxious, frustrated, and angry!

First, talk about your relationship with your mother. Let's be real, being a single mother is tough. You're the breadwinner, supporting the family on your own while facing life's challenges solo. It's no surprise she's got a lot on her mind and tends to vent. Unfortunately, you're the most receptive person she can find.

It is commonly known that being a single mother is challenging. However, what is often overlooked is that children in single-parent families face even greater difficulties. These children are not simply children; they often have to take on adult roles. You, for instance, who comfort your mother when she pours out her heart to you, are actually more like a mother to her.

Second, if your mother's marriage has suffered a setback, you have become your mother's pillar of strength. You should have been your mother's pride until you took the postgraduate entrance exam.

With her children grown up and doing well in school, she will undoubtedly receive a lot of admiration wherever she goes! At that moment, she will undoubtedly feel successful.

Your mother is proud of you. She sees you as her own, and she's happy when you do well.

When you are frustrated, she is frustrated too, because she has lost her pride. She is angry with herself, but she blames you.

If your mother's attention is always focused on you, your "misfortune" will probably continue. This is something that usually happens after parents have raised their children. They often want to start a new family or find a friend of the opposite sex to make up for the many years of dedication to their children, which has led to a gap in their own relationships.

It is crucial to gently guide the mother towards a reorganized family structure. This can not only redirect her excessive attention to you, but also provide her with much-needed support in her later years. I am confident this will be beneficial.

Hello, questioner!

It seems that your mother may be feeling very anxious because of the breakdown of her marriage or the trauma of her original family. It's great that you haven't been affected by her, and that you haven't been influenced by your mother. You have a strong ability to empathize, and your ability to perceive is also great. You've been affected by your mother's discouragement because of the failure of the postgraduate entrance exam, but you're going to turn this around!

Your mother sees you as a pillar of strength, but she doesn't have an independent personality. She may have lost hope in marriage and in life, so she pins all her emotions on you. That means you're playing two roles: husband and daughter. Your mother vents her negative emotions on you because she subconsciously believes you'll take care of her emotions. You have a strong ability to empathize, so naturally you've become the object for her to release her negative emotions. She wants to try to keep you tied down, including your future. When she says that she and you have already failed, she's actually hinting that she's a failure herself, including the failure of her marriage and the pessimistic emotions within her. Perhaps she can't accept the breakup of her marriage, or perhaps she was traumatized in her inner child's world. These are just speculations.

Have a great chat with your mother and ask her why she doesn't encourage herself a little, whether the current situation is a failure, what success is defined as, and what exactly is considered a successful or perfect life? It could be that she's holding back because she's afraid of facing her inner fears. Let's help her overcome them together!

Or perhaps you could suggest that your mother start a new relationship! Life can always start a beautiful life. She doesn't have to choose to be tied to you for the rest of her life. She can be independent and live her own life.

I have a great suggestion for you! Why not guide your mother to find a professional counselor to consult with? She can communicate with the counselor about emotional issues, view things from a different perspective, and see what is going on inside herself through counseling. This will help her improve her emotions and overcome her psychological problems!

I really hope my answer is helpful to you!