A 26-year-old woman struggles to refuse her family's demands, which puts a great burden on her.

Hello, I can appreciate your confusion and empathize with your feelings.

If you work overtime, my mother is understandably concerned about what my sister will eat. I believe this is a reasonable concern for my mother. Perhaps you could teach your sister to cook simple dishes or watch cooking videos with her. You might find some cooking videos by food bloggers on Xiaohongshu or Bilibili. If you see a dish that you both want to eat, you could discuss it with your sister and ask her to buy the ingredients in advance and prepare them before you get home from work to cook. If you work together like this, your sister may feel the joy of cooking and be willing to try. If she learns to cook some simple dishes, you could also try to encourage her more.

It is natural for a mother to worry about her children's well-being, including their basic needs like food, clothing, housing, and transportation. If your sister is able to cook simple dishes, you could gently reassure your mother that these concerns are being taken care of.

When communicating with your mother, you might consider expressing your feelings to her, such as when you are also tired, or when you don't want to cook. It might be helpful to give yourself enough confidence before talking, and then find an appropriate time to talk to your mother, such as when you are relatively free and in a good mood. You could try communicating with your mother calmly and clearly, and talking about the good things in your life while living with your sister. You might first want to let your mother know that you are doing well, so that she won't worry too much. After your mother is a little relieved, you could tell her some of your thoughts, and tell her what you can do, what you can't do yet, and what you can't stand.

You may find it beneficial to express yourself. You could also consider trying to understand your mother's response better to see what needs she may be trying to hide in her words. This could help you identify what you can discuss with your sister to find a solution.

I can imagine that it might be challenging for you to work hard away from home with your younger sister. I hope you can take care of your health and, even more so, your mood. Perhaps you could try going out and walking around the neighborhood more often to relax, take in the scenery, breathe in some fresh air, and give your mind a holiday during your spare time.

I hope this finds you well.

Hello. I can see that you're facing a difficult situation. On the one hand, you're not comfortable with the responsibilities that your family of origin has placed on you and you're hesitant to accept them. However, on the other hand, you're feeling guilty for refusing. It's understandable that you're feeling distressed and want to find a way out of this dilemma. I empathize with your situation and I'm here to support you.

It would be helpful to take some time to reflect on your own needs and circumstances. Ask yourself: who you are, who you live for, what kind of life you want personally, and what proportion your original family plays in your life.

Upon reflection, it becomes evident that your mother has been requesting your assistance in caring for your parents and siblings. You perceive a lack of acknowledgment, affection, and understanding from her.

You might consider expressing this feeling of being ignored and unloved to your mother, expressing your anger, and expressing your needs.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider learning to respect your own feelings. If you don't feel well, you might find it beneficial to take care of yourself first, rather than going sick to meet the needs of your family. It's possible that taking care of yourself first and meeting your own needs could be a sign of loving and respecting yourself.

Additionally, you may feel a sense of obligation to take on more than your fair share of responsibilities, despite knowing it's not ideal. This can lead to feelings of guilt. It might be helpful to reflect on why the other siblings don't seem to experience the same sense of guilt when they don't contribute as much.

Perhaps you're seeking more recognition from your parents, which may have led you to offer your help in exchange for love and recognition. What ultimately transpired? Did you achieve what you set out to?

If you don't help your parents, could something happen that you're worried about? What are you most worried about?

Take some time to reflect on the situation. If you're still unsure about how to proceed, writing things down can be a helpful way to process your thoughts. I'm here to support you in learning to respect and love yourself. I wish you the best in navigating this challenge.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

From what the questioner has said, it seems that he has difficulty communicating effectively with his family. It seems that whatever he wants to express is never accepted by his family or his mother.

It doesn't matter how old you are, where you're from, or what you've done—you can learn to communicate effectively. With a little self-confidence and some basic communication skills, you can express your views clearly.

If you can't communicate effectively with your elders, it will only cause more and more harm to the questioner and prevent your younger sister from understanding you. It's often important to communicate clearly about the origin of things and to express your own views and emotions.

I'd like to give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and a little strength, hoping that the questioner can communicate with their family bravely.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I'll give the questioner a simple piece of advice based on the question:

It's important to understand why the mother is treating the questioner this way.

Why does the question asker's mother treat the question asker this way? Was she also treated this way when she was a child? Was the mother also taught this way by the elders in the family when she was a child?

Every time the questioner's mother tried to communicate her thoughts with the elders, she was told to listen to them. This pattern was imprinted on her heart, and it also affected the family she formed.

In her mind, the older sister is supposed to take care of the younger brothers and sisters. This model may have worked in the past.

As the eldest daughter and a member of the family, is it fair to keep treating the questioner the same way they always have?

Why should you try to understand your mother's motives? Because if you understand why she did what she did, you'll be able to calm down, deal with her more calmly, and stay more composed.

Avoid confrontation with your mother.

If your mother is acting inappropriately, don't confront her. The original poster has already started working, so she can still take care of her younger siblings if it's convenient. If your mother asks you to do something, try to find a way to do it without affecting your daily life.

If you're uncomfortable or short on time, you can also talk to your family about it. Let them know you're independent, have your own work and things to do, and can't devote your full attention to them. Ask your mother to understand.

Avoid arguing with your mother. When arguments become heated and hurtful for both of you, don't fight back. Just turn around and leave. You don't have to listen to her make inappropriate comments.

If things get too heated, you can always leave and go stay with a friend or relative.

It's important to be able to express your thoughts to your mother.

What are you thinking when your mother is scolding or belittling you? You can try to calmly express your own thoughts to her when she is in a good mood.

You can try to express what you think parents should do, what you can help with, whether you accept your mother's assignments, what you hope she will do, and what you can't stand. You can say, "I know you are doing this for my own good, and I understand that children should be respectful to their parents."

However, please don't swear at me. I've already started working and am independent. I also want to have my own private space and time, and I can't devote all my energy to taking care of my sister.

"If you don't understand, I'll step away for a bit until you do."

Pick a good time to communicate.

As the ancients said, timing, place, and people are everything. This applies to communication, too. The "Rules for Being a Good Child" also says that if parents have done something wrong, you should choose a time when they are in a good mood to give them advice.

Avoid leaving heavy topics and matters for the end or evening. It's tough to tackle major issues with enthusiasm when everyone is at their most tired.

Instead, talk about these important topics when people are most alert, free, and able to respond clearly (usually in the morning or afternoon).

Pick a spot to chat.

Some intimate conversations also require a bit of thought about where you're having them. If you want to tell someone something personal or something that they may not easily accept, it's probably best not to do it in public or in a crowded place.

Some important matters should be discussed in a private place where you can have an open dialogue and ensure that both sides are communicating. When communicating, make sure that your voice can be heard, otherwise the other person may feel that you are not treating them with respect.

Make sure you're not distracted.

When you're communicating with others, it's best to minimize distractions. If you want to communicate, try to avoid being disturbed by others and also avoid the interference of household appliances. For example, you might want to turn off your cell phone or turn down the volume on your TV.

External distractions can really get in the way of communication. They'll distract you and your listener, and they'll make it really difficult to get your message across.

Get your thoughts in order.

What does the questioner want to say to his mother, and what are his thoughts? Before talking to his family, the questioner should think about these things to make sure he doesn't give a confusing impression when he's speaking.

When you're narrating, make sure you clearly state what you want to say at the beginning.

A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on them. That way, if the conversation goes off topic, you can easily get back on track.

If it's helpful, you can also write down these key points. If you're having trouble expressing yourself verbally, you can write the main points on a piece of paper and refer to it when communicating.

Let's agree in advance that the person who has the problem should speak first, and then they can share their views.

Keep your focus on the main points.

As we said earlier, focus on the three main things you want to get across. Make sure that every sentence you say helps the conversation or argument. If you've thought about the main points and the gist of what you want to explain, some related phrases are likely to keep coming to mind.

Don't be afraid to use these phrases to drive home your points. Many speakers repeat their key points to make a stronger impression on others, as in the popular online saying, "If it's important, say it three times."

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It's important to learn to listen.

It's important to actively listen. Communication is a two-way process. Why can't the questioner's opinion be adopted by his mother?

Is it because your family members haven't been given a chance to speak up? If they want to share their thoughts, the questioner should listen to what they have to say first. Once they've finished, the questioner can make their request. Wouldn't this be a better way to communicate?

When you're speaking, you can tell how much your family gets what you're saying and whether they're understanding you. If it seems like they're confused or misunderstanding you, it's a good idea to ask them to explain what you said in their own words.

In many cases, the questioner only needs to explain their position and what they want to do, and the conclusion can be left to the elders to judge. If the initial explanation isn't clear enough, you can also ask someone to repeat what you said until they've understood.

The questioner should make sure he tells his mother that he needs a little space and time for himself. His younger siblings have grown up and will eventually have their own lives. He can't take care of them all the time. Before taking care of the family, should he take care of himself? That way, he can take better care of his family.

I hope this helps the original poster.

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards and offer my support in the form of a warm embrace.

I empathize with your circumstances and recognize the challenges you're facing.

You have graduated and worked for three years, but your mother still requests that you return to your hometown to work. You would prefer to take a break during the holidays. I empathize with your situation. I come from a similar family, and I would likely feel the same way.

It is possible to follow your heart. When you are tired, you can take a good rest during the holidays. As an adult, you are capable of making your own judgments. Refusing your mother's requests is not unfilial. If you have to do everything your mother says, it is really exhausting.

If you view the TV series "Ode to Joy" and observe the parents of Fan Shengmei, you may feel less pressure and potentially identify a life path that aligns with your goals. Given that your parents have consistently encouraged you to work, you may perceive that you are bearing an unfair share of the responsibilities within the family.

There is a common saying that those who love others must first love themselves. In this case, you are very filial, but you also need to take care of your own emotions first. You have too many burdens on your mind, and you are very reluctant to let your parents feel that you are not filial. However, there is a limit to what is expected of you in this regard.

When you and your younger sister shared a flat, you often had to assume the responsibility of cooking. Even when you were not feeling well and did not want to cook, your mother did not acknowledge your illness, instead stating that you were lazy, which caused you to feel even more distressed. You felt like you were just a slave in the family, and you felt even sadder.

It is evident that you are a diligent and prudent individual, yet your parents may not fully comprehend your situation. It is not feasible for one person to assume the responsibilities of an entire family.

You are not incorrect in your assessment. You are simply living your life as you see fit. All individuals deserve respect, and you have the ability to create the life you desire. This self-blame will undoubtedly cause you distress, but you have already accomplished a great deal, and it is not your fault.

It is important to remember that you also have your own life and your own things. While it is important to respect your parents, you should also be able to mind your own business to a certain extent. Rejecting their requests in an appropriate manner is also part of growing up.

I hope you are happy every day and are living your life according to your own values and preferences. There is no shame in pursuing your own goals and interests.