A 30-year-old friend is pregnant and doesn't know how to face her controlling mother, feeling very anxious.

Good evening, questioner.

The crux of the issue that your friend is grappling with pertains to the efficacy of her communication skills.

Ultimately, the issue at hand pertains to two key areas: firstly, the manner in which your friend communicates and her tendency to perceive situations in a vague manner, and secondly, the lack of communication between her and her mother.

In essence, your friend's relationship with her mother is characterized by a lack of harmony. It appears that her genuine sentiments towards her mother remain submerged within her consciousness. It is plausible that her mother is unaware that the protective and watchful nature of maternal love has now become a source of burden for her daughter.

An individual who has been subjected to prolonged confinement, as your friend has described, will encounter significant challenges in developing a sense of autonomy. This lack of subjectivity may result in a discrepancy between their stated intentions and their actual actions.

Prior to resolving the current situation of being unmarried and pregnant, with the inability to predict her mother's reaction and feelings of anxiety, it is essential for your friend to identify her authentic inner needs. Once these needs are identified, it will be possible to engage in genuine and heartfelt communication with her mother.

With this crucial assumption in mind, it will be considerably more straightforward to resolve the issue of active communication.

Therefore, if I were the original poster, I would implement the following suggestions.

In order to provide the questioner's friend with a realistic preview of her state of mind, I will present the following content in the first person. We will engage in a comprehensive examination of this event together, with the aim of identifying a solution that aligns with her personal values and aspirations.

First and foremost, it is imperative that I promptly arrange a suitable opportunity to confide in my mother. The continued growth of the fetus within me is a tangible reality, and the prevailing state of mind, particularly the pervasive anxiety, is not conducive to the well-being of the infant or my own personal health.

The sequence of events has unfolded with remarkable swiftness, yet I am of the opinion that this turn of events was inevitable and long overdue.

I am an adult and have chosen this course of action freely and without external influence. I have no reservations about my decision.

The sole concern that remains is how to persuade my mother to offer her support and facilitate a smooth delivery.

As a single woman who is also her daughter, she has always been accustomed to providing care and guidance, with her concerns for my well-being at the forefront.

At times, I perceive my relationship with my mother to be excessively intimate, and I believe that she exerts undue control over me. This mode of expressing affection often elicits a strong negative reaction from me.

However, I also recognize that she is a responsible mother, in addition to being a disciplinarian for her daughter. I believe she should be able to comprehend the sense of responsibility I feel for this child I am carrying at this moment.

It has become evident that the heart is similarly susceptible to emotional influences.

Upon initially learning of the pregnancy, I experienced a sense of uncertainty. However, as I made the decision to proceed with the pregnancy, I noticed a shift in my emotional state. My heart no longer felt uncertain, and my direction became clearer.

It is also possible that my mother will experience a range of emotional responses upon learning of the pregnancy. It is likely that she will require time to process the changes that this news will bring about, as well as the future challenges that we will face together.

Therefore, it is imperative that I inform my mother without delay, so that we can collaborate in planning for the future.

First, it is imperative to resolve this matter and establish effective communication with my mother. Once this is accomplished, we can then proceed to address the remaining issues.

In conclusion, it is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to your friends.

Hello, host!

I totally get why the original poster is worrying about her friend. It's only natural to feel that way! And it's so easy to relate to her friend's struggles and see them as your own challenges.

It's so great that you've been able to make such a friend in this life! I really admire you for that.

It's totally useless to blame anyone for what has happened. You've got to take responsibility for your own actions and learn from the experience!

First, accept what is happening in front of you!

No matter what happens, no one can change the past. But you can absolutely accept what is happening in front of you!

Just consider it a life lesson and pay the price! The love you thought you felt at the time can only be seen through what happens.

If you keep pestering him, he'll just get more and more evasive and dislike his friends!

The best attitude is to avoid getting involved and take on as little as possible!

And secondly, in the face of pregnancy and future childbirth!

*What is needed during pregnancy is not just material conditions, but also stable emotions and the love of family. And what an amazing thing it is to have all of these things together!

Guess what! All of mom's emotions will affect the fetus!

And after giving birth, the landlord will have the incredible opportunity to embark on a new journey as a single mother!

And it's not just the landlord's friends who have to face the strange looks of others. The young child has to face the ridicule of others too!

You can protect your child from harm!

Tell your mother the truth: at 30, it's time to take charge of your life!

*The people in the world who want their children to be happy the most are their parents! And the truth cannot be hidden.

If the host has already made the decision to have this child and has sufficient ability and confidence to raise the child well,

Just tell your mother the truth! Don't be afraid of being scolded or disciplined.

A 30-year-old has the incredible opportunity to embrace the consequences of their actions!

If the host is firm in his or her resolve and can face all this with strength, and survive it all,

After a few years, having regained her self-confidence and happiness, perhaps the mother will forgive what happened before.

If you are always unhappy, it will only make your mother more concerned. So, let's make sure you're happy!

So there's no use being afraid! You've got this! Face everything bravely and be prepared for any storm that may come.

And women, in addition to being financially independent, absolutely must be spiritually and personally independent!

That is, even if you have the ability to support yourself and your children,

And you must have the ability to control your own destiny without being controlled by others. This is spiritual independence!

And don't forget to add to this independence of character, not swayed by the opinions of the world, and live your own life!

As the saying goes, "Those in the thick of it are blind to what's going on, while those on the sidelines can see clearly." Perhaps the landlord's friend is also at a loss and doesn't know what to do—but that just means there's an opportunity for someone else to step in and help!

It is estimated that it will be quite the challenge to listen to what the host has to say!

This problem and knot must be opened and digested by the host friend herself. She can do it!

As a bystander, the landlord can do what he can to accompany his friend physically and give her spiritual comfort!

And silently pray that she will get better in the future!

We are all ordinary people, and we may make the wrong judgment and take the wrong path on the road of life—but that's okay! We can always get back up and try again.

But this is not a reason to be disheartened for the rest of our lives!

If you fall, get up quickly, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward!

I am warm June, and I love you, the world, and I love you too!

Hello!

A friend is pregnant and wants to have the baby, but she doesn't know how to tell her mother and is feeling really anxious. What should she do? Let's help her figure it out together!

Ultimately, it's up to our friend to decide whether or not to have a child. But, of course, it's a big decision and she'll want to think it through carefully.

We all know how important a healthy family is for children. It's not easy for families with only mothers but no fathers to fit in with society. And we all live in society, where our relationships with others are influenced by social moral norms.

Just picture a little one growing up and seeing that all the other kids have dads, and asking where their own dad is. How would you respond in that situation?

It's so important to think about how a child's psyche will cope with the fact that they don't have a father. It's something we really need to consider carefully.

The friend grew up in a family that was missing something. Her mom was very dependent on her, and because her mom was so focused on her, the mom and daughter are still in a symbiotic stage, without differentiation or independence.

It would be really interesting to think about whether this family model will be passed down from one generation to the next and affect the mental health of the next generation.

I feel that, although my friend is doing well financially, she could really do with some emotional support. It seems that, deep down, she's looking for the "fatherly love" that she didn't get in her original family. Emotionally, she's still a little girl, strong-willed and longing for the care of a mature man. It's so sad, but in this emotional state, she can only establish an intimate relationship with a married man with a compensatory emotional need.

I don't think this intimate relationship can heal the attachment relationship that was lacking in the original family. In fact, I think it might even repeat the emotional trauma of being abandoned by her father in the original family.

You might say that the man might get divorced in the future and start a family with a friend. Even if this wish comes true, do you think a man who has cheated on many occasions will stop cheating and remain a friend?

This is something you'll want to think carefully about.

It's true that a person's personality is basically set by the age of 25. Once a person's personality is formed, it is difficult to change, but that doesn't mean we can't try!

Criminal psychologist Professor Li Meijing said, "It's tough to change who you are deep down. Your character is formed before you're 12, and it takes time to show." Let go of what others want you to be, face reality, and judge a person's character by how they act to keep yourself safe.

I just wanted to say that someone who repeatedly cheats on their spouse and doesn't want a divorce might have some psychological and mental obstacles (for reference only). I hope this helps!

It doesn't matter what her friends choose to do. They just need to be brave and face their mothers with honesty. They should tell their mothers the truth and their own thoughts, and accept the consequences. Once they have spoken, the burden will be lifted and the anxiety will disappear (only the anxiety caused by this matter will disappear).

Maybe having a little one to take care of will help keep the mother's attention off her friends for a bit!

It can be really tough to be free from the control of your mom. As we talked about earlier, it can be hard to change this long-term attachment pattern.

I truly believe that the best way forward is to adapt. Show your mum how much you love her, let her know where you're going and reassure her. Help her to pursue her own interests and hobbies and keep her busy.

I think the best thing I can do is give my mom a happy, healthy home where she can relax and feel safe.

She also lacks a sense of security (fear of being abandoned by her daughter). When she feels that she has someone to rely on, her desire to control will diminish. And friends should also use what has happened to think about what their own needs really are.

How can you meet your own needs? Let me share some ideas that I think you'll find inspiring and helpful!

Just a heads-up, the above suggestions are only my own opinions and are for reference only.

Wishing you all the best!

From your description, it is clear that this mother has her own issues to deal with. She is closely entwined with her daughter and is not aware that her daughter is an independent individual. She permeates every aspect of her daughter's life. This is an amazing opportunity for growth and change!

If a mother has a strong desire to control, it's because they love their children so much! They want to be needed by them, and they hope their children will never be able to live independently. Once they become independent, it'll be a bittersweet moment for the mother, who will miss their children's need for them.

Such mothers regard their children as the center of their worlds! They feel that without their children, their lives would lose meaning.

What should I do? Let me share my views!

1. If you don't want to go on like this for the rest of your life, it's time to wake up and learn to say no to your mother!

Some people grew up under the control of their mothers, so their personalities became timid and even psychologically distorted. But there's hope! When faced with a strong mother, a mother who is quick to moralize and manipulate, they are often too weak to show weakness and dare not resist. But they can learn to show their strength and resist. And slowly, the mother becomes justified.

Often such mothers have raised their children in their wombs, and their children are everything to them. However, they are not aware that they are "sick," and they treat their children as their possessions. But here's the good news! You can learn to say no from now on.

If you don't want to be controlled like this for the rest of your life, you need to learn to say no from now on — and you can do it!

2. Delve deeply into the fascinating world of motherly psychology!

So, why did the mother become the controlling mother she is today? I'm sure no one would say that I just want to be a bad mother. No one is born with a strong desire to control and deliberately hurt their children. It must be closely related to her experiences and trauma.

Some people have made incredible sacrifices for their children. They've given everything they can to give their kids the "best" because they've had to raise them on their own after a failed marriage or the unexpected death of their partner.

They pour all their heart and soul into their children!

So, they'll do whatever it takes to keep their precious people close to them. They see their daughter as a unique work of art that's all theirs!

This is a distorted mentality. They should develop a relationship, invest their emotions in their partner, or have their own work and hobbies, and focus their energy on these, rather than staring at their daughter every day. There are so many other things they could be doing with their time!

Her daughter is like her "husband." She's so protective of her daughter that she doesn't allow her to fall in love, marry someone else, and have children. It's as if she's afraid of her daughter leaving the nest!

There's a saying that all the love in the world points towards togetherness, but the only exception is the love that parents have for their children, which points towards separation. This is a great opportunity for parents to let their children spread their wings and fly! If a pair of parents don't allow their child to become themselves, and don't allow their child to fall in love and get married, then what kind of love is that? It's just controlling to satisfy their own selfish desires. Such parents actually don't love their children at all!

3. It's time to learn how to give back the motherly role to her!

A physically and mentally healthy adult should absolutely explore their own life! They should not squeeze the life space of their children and rely on them to give their life meaning.

So, once you've identified those "leech parents," it's time to break free from the old patterns and stop draining yourself to nourish them!

Psychologically, it's time to make a fresh start and learn to say goodbye to the past.

When cutting, you will experience the exciting opportunity to break old patterns of relationships. This process will be a chance for both you and your mother to grow and learn, and your mother may even surprise you with a new perspective.

This is because the mother's sense of value and security, which she once established by controlling you, is gradually crumbling. This presents an exciting challenge for her!

But this is a necessary process, and it's going to be worth it in the end! This painful process can make you let go of control, become independent, and also allow mothers to relearn to establish a sense of value and security in themselves.

This process comes little by little, but I absolutely believe that as long as you want to be independent, you can definitely do it!

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

From what the questioner said, it's clear that he cares a lot about his friend. He even went to the platform to get help for his friend, which is very commendable. The questioner's friend is married, but his friend's wife gave birth to a child without being married. Does the questioner's friend feel that he can handle everything on his own?

It seems like the friend is rebelling against her mother's controlling behavior. The friend's mother probably taught her from a young age to find a good family to marry and have children. There are even some traditional ideas that the friend has picked up along the way. Why would she go in a completely opposite direction after leaving her mother's sight?

My take on it is that her rebelliousness is the driving force here. If a child's rebelliousness isn't satisfied during their growth process, it can continue until they become independent, and it may even resurface in middle age.

As parents, there are different reasons behind controlling their kids' behavior. Some are trying to be perfect, while others are afraid their kids will make the same mistakes they did when they were young. These behaviors might seem like protection, but they often cause depression and harm to children.

I'd like to give the OP and his friend a pat on the shoulder to give you a little strength.

Since the question was posted on this platform, I'd also like to offer the questioner some straightforward advice.

It would be helpful to identify the mother's controlling behavior.

Sometimes mothers may be strict with the questioner's friends, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're controlling. A truly controlling parent will control others in specific ways.

These methods can be pretty obvious or subtle. Control behavior can take many forms, from overwhelming criticism to veiled threats.

If you think your parents are trying to control you, there are a few signs to look out for:

She's always criticizing you for trivial things, like your appearance, attitude, or the choices you make.

Threatening to hurt you or themselves, for example, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

Let your guilt motivate you to do things you might otherwise avoid. For instance, your mother might say, "I was in labor for 18 hours to give birth to you, and now you won't even stay with me for a few hours?"

This could also include surveillance or disrespect for your privacy, such as randomly going through your room or reading your text messages when you are away from your phone.

Take responsibility for your own actions.

The mother of the questioner's friend is trying to control some of her friend's behavior, but it's up to the friend to decide how to respond. Do you let your mother control your every word and action?

Or face it head-on? To handle her controlling behavior, you need to learn to control your emotions and maintain a respectful attitude at all times. This isn't about being unfilial; it's about being able to handle some of her controlling behavior more calmly.

Practice speaking to the mirror, maintaining a respectful attitude, and behaving appropriately in response to her controlling behavior. Practice responding to various scenarios based on the different responses that your mother may make.

This way, when the time comes, she'll be more relaxed and in control.

Take care of herself.

As a parent, the mother of the questioner's friend has the responsibility to raise her to be a healthy, happy, and upright person. If the source of her happiness differs from her mother's expectations, she needs to carefully consider how to deal with her mother and try to please herself as much as possible when conditions permit. After all, we all have to live our own lives first.

Take control of your own affairs.

The questioner's friend is still living with her mother and probably won't be able to escape her control all of a sudden. To deal with her mother's controlling behavior, the questioner's friend needs to take control of as many things as possible, and these can be things that her mother doesn't care about.

Try to take control of as many things as possible, such as when to eat, when to return, what work to do, and where to go on business trips. The more control the questioner's friend has, the more things she can intervene in, and she'll be able to make some decisions according to her wishes.

It's important to accept the reality of the situation.

The questioner's friend can't change her mother, and that's a fact of life she needs to accept. Even though neither of them can control the other's feelings and thoughts, they can change how they get along with each other, and in doing so, change how the other person treats you.

Don't expect your mother to change her personality. It's up to her whether and when she does. It's tough to change other people's minds, especially when they don't think they're wrong and don't want to change. The only person who can change them is themselves.

Take control of the situation and empower yourself.

Why does the mother want to control her friend's behavior? Is it because her friend is not assertive enough?

If the questioner's friend is strong enough to do without her mother's help in everything, will her mother's controlling behavior towards her friend become less intense? Sometimes kids have conflicting feelings about their parents' dependence. On the one hand, they hate their control. On the other hand, they seek their support and depend on them. When this behavior intersects with her, her mother will also stay by her side for a long time.

So, when she hits a snag, ask friends or other family members for a hand.

If your mother is controlling, try spending less time with her, setting boundaries for yourself and her, and if necessary, seek help from trusted friends. If she's controlling you with words, just tell her how you feel. You can say something like, "I feel like I don't have any rights as an independent individual."

"Or, "I feel like I haven't grown up yet. I'm not a fully-fledged adult, I'm still a child, and I don't have any rights."

It's important to set clear boundaries.

It's important to set clear boundaries between friends and mothers and stick to them. Respect each other's boundaries and agree on a private space you can both enjoy. If your mother doesn't respect this, it'll be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship.

If you're having trouble with your mom, it might help to try some verbal techniques. The friend of the questioner can try saying, "I respect your boundaries, but sometimes my boundaries are not respected by you."

How can we make sure that both of our needs are met?

If you're still having trouble making progress with your mother, you can always seek help from a professional psychologist. Have a good talk with your mother and hope that she'll go to counseling with your friend. Of course, to help you out, your friend can first talk about your situation with a trusted counselor, friend, or other relative, and they may be able to help you too.

Ultimately, I believe this is still about the questioner's friend. Why does she still rely on her friends to help her seek help? Is this her own initiative, or did the questioner just spring into action?

If it's an active behavior, does it also mean that the questioner's friend is dependent on close people? I hope the questioner will realize that if your friend's behavior is inherently dependent, there's still a long way to go before they can escape their mother's control.

My feeling is that the friend of the questioner doesn't want to get away from her mother's control. I think she feels unable to face her mother after she's exploded with her rebellion. I hope I'm wrong in my analysis!

I hope my answer helps the questioner.

Hello, I hope my answer helps.

I can tell you care about your friend. When she had problems, you helped her. This kind of friendship is rare. Your friend trusts you and needs you.

As a friend, we can only do so much. How much we can help depends on her growth and efforts, as well as yours. I'll share my thoughts from two perspectives for your reference.

What can you do to help your friend?

As a friend, we can help her by understanding and supporting her. She is confused and needs others to accept her.

Her mother doesn't understand her and tries to control her. This makes her depressed. It's hard for her to find someone to talk to. As friends, we can support her through this.

Listen to her, empathize, understand, accept, and ask what she needs.

The most important thing for your friend is to set boundaries with her mother.

From your description, it's clear your friend is willing to raise the child alone.

She knows this choice will lead to conflict with her mother, but she doesn't want that.

How will she tell her mother? She dares not, and is hiding it. The original poster said your friend's mother forbids her from seeing a boyfriend and follows her everywhere. You said this is because she believes in God, but it's really because her mother is insecure. She needs to feel secure through control. That's why she wants to be with her daughter all the time and controls her. She also forbids her from having a boyfriend, which means her daughter will leave her.

If you accept your mother's needs and accept her as she is, you can control your own thoughts and actions. You can choose at any time.

She can also help the mother feel secure on the inside. When she feels secure, she will let go of external control and return to inner peace.

The focus is on setting boundaries, which is about separating issues.

Your friend needs to separate her issues from her mother's.

How do you know the difference?

It's about who's affected by this.

Your friend chose to have this child. She must accept the consequences, including her mother's accusations and complaints. She can also choose not to have the child and accept the consequences.

The same applies to whether or not to live with her mother. She can choose to live with her mother and accept her mother's control, or she can choose to live separately and accept her mother's complaints. There are other options, such as communicating with her mother better, understanding her mother's insecurities, and expressing her needs.

We just need to make our own choices and accept the consequences. Nothing is perfect, so we have to make our own choices and live with the results.

Use the method of non-violent communication. Say, "Mom, I want to tell you something, but I'm worried that you won't be happy when I tell you." See how your mother reacts. If you feel that the timing is right and the atmosphere is good, you can try to continue. Say, "Mom, you don't let me talk about boyfriends, and I actually feel very depressed and uncomfortable. I'm getting older and have the desire to have a child. I want to be a mother, and I hope to get your understanding and support. If I have a child, will you raise it with me?" Listen to how your mother will respond. If you feel that you can continue to tell the truth, then express it sincerely.

Be prepared to accept your mother's behavior because it's a shock for her. Wait until she calms down, then tell her what you want to say. Maybe she'll stop trying to control you, but she might turn her attention to her children. If she can't accept it, it's time for your friend to learn the "topic of separation." This means that no matter what her mother's attitude is, she can always make her own choices and take responsibility for the consequences.

Your mother needs to work on her emotions and mother issues. As long as she feels secure, she won't want to control you.

If your friend can live a happy life and make her mother feel secure, her mother will not always want to control her.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Greetings!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the most valuable asset one can possess.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of emotions, including concerns, anxiety, impatience, and a strong desire to provide assistance to your friend.

The specifics of the difficulties caused by your friend's circumstances are beyond the scope of this discussion. However, there are three key points that may be worthy of your consideration.

Firstly, it is recommended that you assist your friend in conducting an analysis of her current circumstances.

In other words, it is essential to convey to her that you are concerned about her well-being and are willing to provide assistance. Subsequently, it would be beneficial to engage in a joint analysis of the present circumstances.

The individual in question is unmarried, 30 years of age, financially independent, and currently engaged in an extramarital affair with a married man. She has also given birth to a child. She wishes to retain custody of the child, but is uncertain of the best way to inform her mother of this decision. Her mother is known to be highly controlling, and it is possible that she may find it challenging to accept the news of her daughter's pregnancy outside of marriage. At this juncture, it would be beneficial to assist her in conducting a logical analysis of the specific circumstances.

Assist her in developing a rational approach to addressing her child's challenges. If she wishes to remain in the relationship, she must confront the realities involved, including the prospect of the father's absence during the child's upbringing, the potential for external influences to impact the child's development, and the necessity of navigating complex family dynamics. A comprehensive analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of her situation can facilitate a constructive dialogue and help her navigate these complexities.

Secondly, it is recommended that you assist your friend in recognizing that the process of maturation is one of "departure" from one's parents.

In other words, it is necessary to facilitate her comprehension of the notion that the optimal form of parental affection is that which engenders autonomy and independence in their children. This does not entail the dissolution of familial bonds, but rather the capacity to live a life of one's own.

Such an analysis can assist her in rationally identifying strategies for addressing the issues with her mother, which may also contribute to your own sense of well-being.

It is again recommended that you assist her in communicating with her controlling mother in a sincere manner.

It is acknowledged that this communication process may prove challenging; however, it is possible to provide the necessary encouragement and support to facilitate it.

What is the rationale for recommending that she communicate with her mother?

The primary challenge is how to communicate with her mother about the baby's issues, as she is likely to retain custody. The infant's growth is a daily occurrence, and it is inevitable that she will eventually confront this reality. Regardless of whether she ultimately decides to give birth, it is essential for her to engage in open dialogue with her mother and prepare for the "separation" process. This is because her mother has a strong inclination to exert control, and she must prioritize making adjustments to enhance the quality of their mother-daughter relationship.

The subsequent phase is the process of communication.

In this instance, it would be advisable for you to counsel your friend to undertake the following two actions:

First, it is recommended that the individual attempt to adopt the perspective of the mother in question and to comprehend her viewpoint. This approach may facilitate the mother's ability to perceive and process the individual's words.

This necessitates a joint analysis with the subject to ascertain the underlying causes of her mother's controlling behavior and inability to function independently. Are these issues related to her mother's marital history, her upbringing, or her original family? Once these factors have been identified, the subject may be able to gain a more nuanced understanding of her mother's perspective and empathize with her situation. This could potentially facilitate more constructive communication between them.

Secondly, it would be advisable to advise her to begin sentences with "I" and to discuss her feelings in greater depth. Additionally, it would be beneficial to avoid or minimise the use of "you" in her sentences, as this can evoke feelings of rejection and accusation, which are not conducive to effective communication.

When discussing emotions, it is important to encourage the daughter to communicate with her mother about her feelings of discomfort, oppression, and coercion when she feels controlled. It is crucial to highlight that although the mother's actions are driven by love, the daughter does not perceive them as such. Additionally, it is beneficial to facilitate a dialogue between the daughter and her mother, where they express their concerns about the mother's potential sadness and the daughter's subsequent feelings of self-blame. When the daughter and her mother are able to communicate openly and honestly, the mother may come to recognize the inappropriate nature of her actions and make necessary changes. This can lead to a positive transformation in their relationship, which in turn can contribute to an improved mood for the daughter.

It is also important to remind her that she will not be able to change as a mother, as some mothers lack the capacity for introspection, are reluctant to adapt, and seek to exert control over their children. At this juncture, it is crucial for her to acknowledge the reality of the situation and subsequently take decisive action to establish a psychological separation from her mother, primarily to empower her to make her own decisions.

It is not possible for you to facilitate her maturation; rather, you can only provide advice on this matter.

Furthermore, it is imperative to prioritize self-care and avoid allowing external circumstances to unduly influence one's emotional state. Only through the cultivation of one's own well-being can one effectively assist others.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance. Should you wish to pursue this matter further, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a coach for an online conversation," which will enable you to communicate with me directly.

From your description, it is evident that your friend's personal boundaries have been significantly breached by her mother. Now that she is pregnant out of wedlock and dating a married man, she is largely expressing her defiance against her mother's influence.

She is aware that if her mother discovers her actions, she will experience a sense of powerlessness and anger. This will effectively achieve her goal of "rebellion."

You may be able to assist her in recognizing this on her own. Alternatively, if necessary, you can recommend that she seek professional psychological counseling.

My advice to your friend is that she requires a significant amount of personal space at this time. Living with her mother will only exacerbate her feelings of oppression. She must identify a way to establish a physical and emotional distance from her mother. Then, she needs to take the time to consider her readiness to raise the baby on her own, her financial and mental capabilities to care for the baby, or whether her decision is driven by rebellion.

Ultimately, when the time is right, she must inform her mother of the facts as they have transpired. Only by presenting the truth can she help her mother understand that she has no control over her daughter's actions.

Naturally, there is no guarantee that her mother will accept the truth. However, it is only by seeing the truth that a person can make the best choice.

Even if your mother is unable to accept the truth, stating the facts will enable your friend to gain clarity on the situation and make the best decision for herself.

Ultimately, as her friend, I hope you can provide the necessary support. Ultimately, your friend is responsible for her own life. Regardless of the decision she makes, as a friend, you can only support and help as much as you can while taking care of your own life.

In the event that you feel unable to provide assistance, you must respect your own feelings and decline the offer promptly.

I wish you and your friend the best of luck.

It's so sad when a friend is going through a tough time like this. If you want to help but don't know how, your friend really needs your understanding and support right now. It's also a good idea to help her sort out her thoughts and face the challenges in life head-on.

1. The most important thing is how to handle the pregnancy. It's not about hiding or avoiding it. As adults, we can only face the problem head-on and have a chance of solving it.

Let's not worry about your friend's views on marriage and love or her values for now. As for her biggest worry at the moment, how to tell her mother about the pregnancy, hiding it definitely won't solve the problem, and she can't hide it for long. She's only 30, so she'll be able to handle the whereabouts of this little life. And her mother believes in Buddhism and will be more accepting of life. So, face the problem head-on and apologize to your mother. After all, her behavior of having an affair and getting pregnant is not something that ordinary parents can accept. But you can find a solution by facing the problem head-on.

2. It's so important to deal with your mother's controlling nature correctly. And it's also really helpful to express your thoughts and feelings when your boundaries are being violated in a positive way.

People who want to be in control can sometimes cross boundaries in relationships, which can cause distress, anxiety, and pressure for others. If you grew up in a single-parent family, you might have received a lot of attention from your mom, which can sometimes lead to feelings of depression. Single mothers often feel insecure, so it's really important for your friend to communicate her feelings to her mom. Avoidance won't help. Nurturing boundaries is the key to repairing the relationship between mother and daughter.

3. Try to change your behavior and reduce the anxiety of the mother so that she'll stop trying to control you.

Your friend's values and views on marriage and love are a little unclear, and that might be why her mother doesn't allow her to date. Her mother's starting point may be to correct her daughter's wrong values and views on marriage and love, but she doesn't know how to do it, so she can only keep an eye on her daughter. But she still hasn't been able to keep an eye on her, and the consequences have already occurred. It would be really helpful for your friend to reflect on her own actions and reduce her mother's anxiety in order to truly escape her desire for control.

4. Treat innocent life with kindness and establish correct values and views on love and marriage.

This little life is innocent and deserves to be treated kindly. She has the right to make her own decisions. If the father of the child doesn't take any action, he'll lose the protection of his reproductive rights. But it's never too late to establish correct values and views on love and marriage!

5. Try to relax and calm down. It's not good for pregnant women to get too worked up.

Pregnancy is a wonderful time, but it can also be a little overwhelming at times! Hormonal changes can sometimes lead to feelings of anxiety or nervousness, which isn't good for the baby or the mom-to-be. Having a clear mind is super helpful when it comes to supporting your friend through this journey. When things come up, it's best to face them head-on and let go of other emotions.

I really hope my answer helps you and your friend!

You have informed me that a friend of yours, who is unmarried, 30 years old, a master's degree holder, financially independent, is currently engaged in an affair with a married man, became pregnant as a result, and is now considering terminating the pregnancy. She is of the opinion that she is capable of raising the child on her own. However, she is unsure how to proceed and is concerned that informing her mother of the situation will result in a negative reaction. She also feels that her mother will exert undue influence over her if she discovers the pregnancy. She has even contemplated the possibility of her mother residing with her 24 hours a day.

The patient is currently experiencing morning sickness, and her mother recently relocated to her residence. She is uncertain about how to inform her mother of this development and is attempting to conceal it.

First, provide assistance and support to your mother, and demonstrate understanding and respect for her feelings. Avoid self-judgment. Given your decision to give birth and your financial means to do so, assume the corresponding responsibilities. Do not criticize yourself, and strive to understand yourself.

Next, arrange a suitable time to discuss the situation with your mother. Be open and honest about your decision and the responsibilities you are prepared to take on. It is important to remember that pregnancy is not something that can be hidden, so it is advisable to be transparent about your situation and your needs.

Pregnancy also necessitates the provision of care and support. It is important to recognise that anticipated concerns may be amplified.

However, the reality can be verified by the relevant facts, which may not be as concerning as initially perceived.

Ultimately, it is essential to gradually adapt to the situation, reinforce your inner resilience, define your personal boundaries, and learn to assertively decline your mother's attempts to exert control.

Should you require assistance in coping with the aforementioned issues, we recommend seeking the guidance of a qualified counselor. This professional can assist you in releasing your emotions, exploring your needs, and developing a stronger sense of self-identity.

Best wishes for success!

Hello, host.

Your friend has so many good qualities, so why can't she make a new choice? Why is she limited to married men?

She knows what the consequences of her actions are, so why does she still do it?

Sweet words and promises of commitment won't make a relationship work. Some things just aren't possible.

If it's your friend and she's up for it, then it's fine. But if the other person is just using conversation to get what they want, it could be dangerous.

This kind of relationship isn't fair and square, and it's easy for people to look down on it.

After all, she's the man's bloodline, so of course he's happy!

The saddest part of this story is how the original wife and her kids have let their husbands treat them this way without putting up a fight. Who would have thought that their husbands would actually do such a thing?

If the original wife can't stand the current situation, she'll take action to counteract. That may affect the situation, and even if she can't get a divorce, it'll definitely have a significant impact on her girlfriend.

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If he hasn't done anything to upset his mother, there's no reason for him to be worried or afraid.

Since you've taken the initiative, you need to be prepared to face the consequences and take on the corresponding responsibility.

Or maybe you should think about whether you can afford the consequences before you do something.

...listening to her mother, maybe choosing a safer and more stable relationship, isn't that a good idea? Without being mentally prepared, it may be more dangerous to take on a super difficult challenge.

Her mother is very controlling, but she also cares for her. We can't guarantee that when we grow up, we won't want things for our children, won't care about them, and won't restrict them!

...Everyone is fighting for their rights. My friend's mother wants her child to understand things. My friend wants a warm and cozy home. The original wife wants a stable marriage, and her husband doesn't want to do anything too extreme. He plans everything and is comfortable with it, switching back and forth.

How can everyone get what they want? Ultimately, this issue is tied up with morality and the law.

My name is Gu Yi. I am humble and consistent.

Know your own thoughts and sort out the current situation.

As a woman, when you suddenly learn that another little life has begun to grow inside you, you will feel a certain attachment to this unexpected little life. There is always a certain plot in any situation, and the question itself is not important to others.

The mother is a very controlling person, which is a kind of pressure on the heroine. Then, when it comes to the issue of her own pregnancy and whether or not to tell her mother, our heroine must make a decision. She is already somewhat guilty of having an affair before marriage, and she knows it.

The heroine must decide when to tell her mother and when to make a decision about the baby. This will always be on her mind, regardless of whether she wants the baby or not. Our mood in the early stages of pregnancy is important, so the heroine should live in a relaxed environment. She is 30 with her own financial foundation, so she can do a good job.

I'm going to tell you how to become more mature mentally.

She is an outstanding girl who made the mistake of falling in love with someone who is married with a family. She is also psychologically drawn to more mature people and hopes to have a wonderful family of her own. Our heroine needs stability in her heart. After spending so many years with her mother, her longing for freedom and a new home has created the current situation.

❀For this reason, we must accept that we cannot advise our friends on their decisions simply by analyzing them. We must first understand our own psychological feelings. Through this cognitive understanding, we can know what the child means to us and determine whether we want it or not.

The love a mother gives is always the same, regardless of the relationship between the heroine and her mother. The way a mother shows her love is different. After experiencing this incident, we will understand our mothers better. It is fortunate to have friends and family to support you when you need them. I hope everything is fine.

Best regards,

Your message shows that you care about your friend's situation. It seems like her biggest problem right now is that she doesn't know how to tell her controlling mother about having an affair with a married man, getting pregnant, and wanting a child. I can see how that would make her feel anxious!

I really hope that what I'm sharing here can help you think in a new way about how you can help your friend.

1. Be there for your friend and help them cope with their anxiety, and remember to take care of yourself too!

I know it can be really tough, especially in normal times, for your friend to feel so pressured by your mother's style of doing things. And now that she's pregnant out of wedlock and had sex with a married man, I can totally see how your friend's mother might freak out when she finds out. It's totally normal to feel anxious and worried in this situation.

At the same time, anxiety can really throw us for a loop, and it can make it tough to make good decisions and behave in a way that's best for us.

So, try to comfort your friend by accompanying them first. It's a great idea to seek help on the platform, too! You can support your friend in so many ways, from daily companionship to helping them relieve stress. You can also help them develop other supportive strengths, such as hobbies or the ability to focus on things in themselves.

These can all help to ease your friend's anxiety to some extent.

It's also important for you to take care of yourself, my friend. Try not to get too involved.

2. Let's join hands and help our friend see the bigger picture. Let's also work together to find a way to communicate with her mother about the pregnancy that will make everyone happy in the long run.

From what I can see in the message, it seems like the friend's current plan is to keep it on the down low. But, with morning sickness and the child growing day by day in the womb, it's not so easy to keep this a secret for long. This is one of those things that we just can't control, and it can cause a lot of anxiety.

If you're facing this situation, there are ways you can take an active role in this matter, feel more confident, and be more determined in your choice. Here are a few things you can think about:

I'd love to know what having children means for the friend, for the child, and for the friend's mother.

My friend has the financial means to raise a child without much worry about material things, which is great! However, as someone who is unlikely to get divorced and grew up in an extramarital family, can the spiritual nourishment be indiscriminate?

This is something that friends need to think about. We're not trying to deny the amazing abilities of single mothers or to say that children born out of wedlock don't have the right to be born.

It's so important to remember that these abilities and rights need to be respected. That's why it's so crucial to treat the birth of a child with care. We should all do our best to make sure that the child grows up in an environment that is good for their physical and mental health.

The friend, the child in the womb, and the friend's mother form a mother-child relationship. The relationship between the friend and her mother is extremely close. It's a bit of a tricky situation for the adult friend, who can't escape her mother's control. She also can't even communicate with her mother about her own marriage and childbirth in an adult manner.

It's also worth noting that a friend who is physically adult has a self that is not yet adult and is still a young girl living inside.

I'm sure you'll agree that it's not fair or kind to a child who hasn't even been born for their mother to be immature during the birthing process. There's a real risk that the child will become a victim of power struggles between various forces or of unconscious self-interest.

So, as a friend, you might gently bring up this point to show your concern for the child and your support for your friend's courage and strength in wanting to keep the child. At the same time, it's important for your friend to understand that if they decide to keep the child, they'll need to grow up independently and face this matter, which they originally needed to decide on their own, in an adult manner by communicating with their mother.

Once you know what you want and have tried to make a breakthrough in that area, you'll be able to transform the anxiety and fear within you into the driving force for self-growth. This will help your friend stop avoiding the issue and think about it from a holistic perspective, including how the father of the child and other relevant people can create a suitable environment for the child to grow up in in a relatively realistic and harmonious way.

If, after thinking it over, you decide that having children isn't for you, it's also a good idea to think about how you'd like your life to look in the future.

All changes start with breaking away from the way you're used to living. Once you have a long-term, holistic perspective, you'll be able to make more decisive and purposeful decisions.

3. It's so important to realize that a breakthrough is not a one-time transformation. It's a process of continuous trial and struggle to live your own life.

3. Remember, breakthroughs don't just happen overnight. Live your life to the fullest through continuous trial and struggle.

The friend in the message has a lot going for him! He's 30, unmarried, financially independent, good-looking, and has a mother who is highly controlling but cares about her son.

These resources can give the host's friends a little extra strength to help them through the process of trying to break through. The mother's presence can also have a positive and negative effect.

So, such a breakthrough is also bound to be a bit tangled and prone to repeated setbacks.

But be prepared in advance, okay? We all know it's not easy to get started, and it can even be very difficult. It's like a car that is constantly used to driving on one road and needs to try driving in a new lane. It will experience that sense of unfamiliarity and unease.

Every step is an experiment and a breakthrough. Just take it one little step at a time, and before you know it, you'll be celebrating great achievements!

I'm not an explorer of human nature, but I am a psychologist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well!

Hello, question asker!

Your friend is now facing quite the dilemma—and she's going to be just fine!

My mother is very controlling and got pregnant out of wedlock, which has led to some pretty interesting experiences!

I'm thrilled to share this with you and I'm confident it will help your friend!

1. Be there for her and let her take care of her emotions first.

In the face of such conflicts, it's totally normal for some people not to know how to deal with their mothers.

First, let her take care of her emotions and sort out what kind of life she really wants to lead in the future!

Even if she is financially independent, the big question is: is she really independent psychologically?

And her independence—not just financially, but also emotionally!

Having such a controlling mother makes her prone to becoming both rebellious and dependent—and that's a great opportunity for growth!

The influence is mutual, which is great!

The person being controlled may hate being controlled, but they can't live without it! And they'll find it hard to adapt to a life without it.

Your friend may be annoyed by her mother's control, but there's more to the story! She may not be able to leave this control subconsciously, but there's hope for her yet.

Just imagine how many children who are not controlled actually have many, many ways to cope when faced with their mother's attempts to control them!

This is an amazing opportunity for your friend to recognize her symbiosis with her mother and finally get the freedom she's been longing for!

2. It's time to spread your wings and fly away from your mother!

It is a challenge for every child to face a controlling mother, but it is also an opportunity for growth and learning.

"All love points towards intimacy, except parental love, which points towards separation."

Symbiotic intimacy is a path towards fusion, engulfment, and suffocation—and it's a fascinating one!

By the time she's 30, your friend will be financially independent. This is the perfect time for her to set her own boundaries and break free from her mother's control!

The first step is to embark on a new journey apart from your mother.

This step is even more exciting if you only have a mother figure in your friend's family!

As a child, you may experience a few bumps in the road, including feelings of guilt, anxiety, sadness, etc. But you'll get through it!

It can feel like you're betraying your mother, but you're not!

The great news is that people digest and metabolize the emotions (excitement, sadness, guilt, etc.) that arise during this process. This allows them to gradually complete the establishment of self and separation from parents.

Your mother might be disappointed and hurt, and she may even blame the child. But don't worry! You can get past this.

If you want to be free from your mother's control, you must get past this!

3. Specific response:

Your friend wants to keep this a secret for now, which is great!

This is totally understandable!

Because she's not sure how her mother will react!

If your friend is not sure whether to have the baby for the time being, they can keep it a secret to avoid a heated conflict. This is a great option for them!

Because after weighing up the reality, they feel that giving birth to this child is not necessarily the best choice for themselves or for the child, then it is totally okay to hide it for a while!

When you need help, your friends or the man may be able to provide effective assistance—and they'll be thrilled to do so!

However, if your friend ultimately decides to have the baby, it is still a great idea to chat with your mom as soon as you can after making the decision!

No matter what attitude your mother has, you should absolutely insist on your own choices and your own life!

All relationships are conspiracies—and that's a good thing!

When your friend is no longer under your mother's control, it's a brand new world for them!

Your friend is in control of their own destiny!

For example, if your mother wants to move in with you, you can oppose her "gently but firmly," make demands, find somewhere else to live on your own, etc. You have options!

It might be tough, but it's worth it!

Guarding your bottom line is a great way to make sure you get what you need!

It's so important to realize that every mother has their own limitations.

And you know what? It might even make the mother feel like she's not a good mother!

Mothers, it's time to let your kids know that not living with them or keeping an appropriate distance is not a lack of love. It's a sign that you have your own lives and that you're doing great things on yours!

Her life is so much more than just about her children!

Guess what! Taking care of a child's clothing, food, and housing does not make her a good mother. And you know what else? Believing that a child can live well without a mother and only providing help when the child needs it is what makes a mother love her child!

Just share these simple things!

I really hope it will be of some inspiration to your friends!

Blessings!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, host! I can see from your description and your eagerness to help your friend solve the problem that you are truly a good friend who treats your friends as if they were your own flesh and blood.

Your friend is so lucky to have you as a friend!

Now, let's chat about your friend's situation. Typically, the person involved takes the lead in the consultation so that we can find targeted solutions together through the details.

I'm sure you understand what I mean, but I think the effect will be less without your friend there.

I can see that your friend is facing a bit of a challenge when it comes to telling her mother the news. Without knowing the dynamics of your family, I'd love to offer some suggestions that might help.

1. I think it would be best to tell her sooner rather than later.

I'm not sure I understand. Since you know that your mother is strong-willed, it might be better to let her know later rather than hiding it. That way, her emotional outbursts later on won't be as detrimental to the fetus. So, from the perspective of what is best for the child, it might be better to tell her again, let the storm come sooner rather than later, and have less of an impact on the child.

2. It might be a good idea to tell your mother how you told her.

You're your friend's most trusted person, so you can tell her about it in an indirect way and see her reaction. It's probably best if your friend doesn't come out and say anything, just to avoid your mother getting too emotional and doing something hurtful.

The second option is to bravely face the stormy attack head-on and directly tell your mother that you already have it. After all, what's coming will always come.

This time, take a deep breath and stand your ground.

Third, you could gently let your friend's mother know that there's a chance you might become a grandmother.

Fourth, your friend's boyfriend should tell her parent-child that he acknowledges the situation and is willing to take responsibility. This is an option, of course, but only if the man is willing to take responsibility.

I'm sure this will help to reduce your friend's stress levels.

It doesn't matter which approach you take, just remember to communicate with your mother using a mix of emotional and logical language.

3. It would be really helpful for your friend to have a trusted person with her during her pregnancy. This will help to ease her anxiety and psychological burden, and also to avoid the impact of her mother's interference.

4. It's really best to prepare for the day you'll have to say goodbye to your mom. It's just a matter of time. Your mom can't control you forever.

It would be great if you could help your mother to accept this gradually.

Let's have a little chat about the mother's dominance and control.

1. It's often the case that people who are overbearing and controlling are actually lacking in self-confidence. It's possible that your mother is the same. She might be trying to show her authority by being overbearing and controlling.

It's totally understandable that your friend might not understand the reasons for this after all these years of living with her mother. It can be really hard to navigate these situations! So, in order to keep everyone safe, she continues to give her mother face and obey, doing whatever she says.

Or have a good heart-to-heart talk with your mother about how hard it is for her to worry about you until now. I'm all grown up now, and I should share some of the responsibilities with my mother, especially when it comes to my own affairs, which I should do myself.

Be kind to your mom. She's earned her retirement, and it's important for her to enjoy it. Now that I have my own child, I need to learn to take care of it like my mom did. I'm excited to have this chance to practice!

If you make a mistake, don't worry! Just ask your mother for advice.

2. Find out what your mom is good at and tell her often! She'll feel loved and appreciated.

3. Be sure to express yourself clearly and firmly once you've made a decision.

Mothers also have a soft side, so if they can show weakness, they should definitely seize the opportunity to show their capable side. For example, if they are tired, they can take the initiative to let their mothers rest for a while and take on the household chores.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm always here if you need anything!

As the saying goes, "Where there's a will, there's a way." There's no mountain too high and no river too wide.

It all depends on your willingness to try. I'd love to see you give it a go! There's no better time than the first time.

It's finally time!

I just wanted to wish you and your friends all the best!