A 5-year-old and 4-month-old boy, why is my child's social need so intense?

Hello, question asker! I'm happy to answer your question.

From what the questioner has said, it seems that the questioner's child is interacting with children who are older than him and even some grandparents. It seems that the questioner is unsure of the needs behind the child's current behavior and is a little worried about him.

First, I'll give the questioner a bit of encouragement. The child's developmental psychology in early childhood is a significant factor in his current behavior. As long as the questioner and her husband provide appropriate guidance, the questioner's son will be able to get through this period successfully.

I'll use some developmental psychology perspectives to explain why the questioner's son is acting the way he is and give some suggestions on how to deal with him.

Personality and social development psychology in early childhood

Kids growing up during this period are in the process of initially forming their personalities. There are a few main aspects to keep in mind:

(1) They show more obvious temperament characteristics. For example, some are active and some are sensitive to changes in their surroundings. Some actively explore, while others prefer to communicate with people.

This is a great time to help young children develop positive traits and work on any negative ones. The questioner and their loved ones can create targeted conditions and take appropriate educational measures to help the child develop the positive aspects of their temperament and change some of the negative aspects.

(2) They also show some differences in interests and hobbies. This is mainly shown in how they value things and their strong curiosity and interest in things they like.

(3) Show some abilities. These can be in perception, attention, speech, calculation, and art.

(4) Personality traits. Some are sociable, some are lonely, some are confident and brave, some are inferior and weak, and so on.

It would be helpful for the questioner to pay close attention to his son's personality traits.

As a child grows up, they start to develop their identity. This is shown in two main ways:

(1) Parental Approval: Kids imitate the personality traits of adults at this stage, which is called "identification."

For instance, if the questioner and their spouse are good at dealing with others, the child will likely imitate this behavior in the hope of gaining the parents' approval. Having the parents' approval gives the child a sense of belonging and accomplishment, while the parents' recognition of them provides the strength of a role model and motivation for development.

(2) Recognition from others. Kids usually look up to people who are in a higher position, authoritative, capable, intelligent, strong, or beautiful.

Aside from their parents, kids also look for approval from their teachers, their favorite uncles and aunts, and their older siblings. When they get that approval, it makes them feel more confident and empowered.

Kids at this age are developing their sense of self really quickly. They rebel against being controlled at home and look for external recognition. It's normal for them to disobey, play with older kids, and even communicate with grandparents.

What can the parent questioner do to educate his child? Here are a few suggestions:

Get to know him and be there for him.

The main thing to remember is that your child is going through a normal period of psychological development, so there's no need to worry too much. It's important to face this transition head-on and rationally. Be aware that your child will be testing boundaries during this time and try not to get in the way of their social interactions too much.

Instead, you should guide, help, support, and meet his developmental needs in an appropriate way.

Get involved in his games.

Parents can get involved in their kids' play activities, especially those that involve social roles, when they have time. This helps them feel like they're participating in social activities. Parents should also work on training their kids to take care of themselves and to work hard. They should praise their kids often for their positive behavior. This helps them feel like they're valuable and that they can accomplish things.

Teach students in a way that suits their abilities.

It's important to understand your child's strengths and advantages. Create conditions to cultivate them in a targeted manner, whether it's cognitive, artistic, or other talents. Respect his choices. Let him express some of his own opinions at home when it's appropriate, and guide him positively.

Give your child a hand as they make their way through this transitional period and set them up for future success.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question.

I absolutely agree with you that your son does not have any major social problems!

Moreover, I feel that your son not only has no social problems, but he also has amazing social potential and incredible potential for developing abilities!

First, let's get rid of the most critical perception in your description, and then we'll make other statements!

Reading the whole text, except for the last mention: my son absolutely loves the feeling of being liked by everyone! He has a low self-evaluation, but he's working on it. Sometimes he even tries to please people who don't appreciate his efforts, but he's doing a great job!

Apart from these two sentences, I see so many amazing strengths in your son! He has so much potential in so many areas.

In fact, for these two sentences, I feel more like it is because of the parents' anxiety and worries that what they see and evaluate may not necessarily be a true display of the child's abilities. In other words, it is possible that your son has been underestimated because of your worries. But I'm sure that's not the case! I think your son is absolutely amazing and has so much potential.

Your son absolutely loves the feeling of being liked by everyone!

Who doesn't like that feeling? This also shows that he's got what it takes!

He has the amazing ability to make everyone like him!

If he's never done it, he's got a whole new feeling to discover!

It's only natural to want to relive a good experience when we have one!

Guess what? Children are no exception!

Now, let's talk about your son's low self-esteem.

A child's self-evaluation and perception of self often come from how those around them who are raising them evaluate them. This is a wonderful thing!

If the people around him give him positive feedback, then his perception and evaluation of himself will also be positive. This is great because it means he can build up a positive self-image. If he is often criticized or rejected or discouraged, then his perception and evaluation of himself will often be self-denying and lacking in self-confidence. This is something we can work on together to help him build up a more positive self-image.

You say your son is a child with low self-esteem. This is a great opportunity for you to reflect on what words your son often uses to express low self-esteem, and think about where these words come from. If adults around him have commented on him in this way, you can find out whether these comments are based on the child's own perception or whether they come from external influences. This is a chance for you to really understand your son better!

However, a child with low self-esteem can be very happy to actively play with others in a new environment. This is a great sign that their internal and external behaviors are consistent!

I truly believe that for your son, his internal and external behaviors are consistent, and he is proactive. This is definitely not something a child with a low self-esteem would do!

And the feeling that he has a low self-evaluation may be a projection of the parents' own anxiety or low self-evaluation onto the child. This is an excellent example of how our minds work! It is precisely because of this projection that some of his behaviors may seem to the parents to be like "hot faces but cold backs."

It's important to recognize that feeling like you have a warm face but a cold back isn't a good thing. It can make you less likely to socialize, which is the opposite of what we want!

So have you noticed that it seems to be the parents, not the children, who feel bad in these situations? This is a great opportunity to shift your perspective! This evaluation may be the parents' perception, but it may not be your son's.

This is the key to overcoming this perception, which is why his social skills are NOT a problem!

From the perspective of social initiative, there's so much to be excited about!

Humans are social creatures, and we have an amazing instinctive psychological need for interpersonal interaction. This is also true for infants and young children!

And there's more! A child who is sociable often means that they have developed well in terms of their sense of security.

On the other hand, if the family atmosphere is great, the parents have a happy relationship, and the child feels safe and secure, then the child will be eager to socialize and make new friends!

Now, let's look at the physical distance and the parent-child relationship.

You mentioned that your child's social relationships never last long, which is totally normal for children of this age!

If you play with unfamiliar or not very close children, such as those you often encounter in the community or park, it's a great opportunity to meet new friends! While they may have a lot of fun on one occasion, they'll probably change to other playmates and play other games after a while. But that's okay! It's not easy for children to join in again when they meet them, so it's important to make the most of every playdate.

If it's with neighbors or kindergarten friends, they see each other every day, and parents often get together, giving children social space. This is great because it means that friendships between children may last relatively longer.

But that's what makes friendship between children so exciting!

One moment he's not playing with me and I don't want to be friends with him anymore, and the next he's given me some cake his grandmother made and we're best friends again! It's amazing how quickly friendships can be repaired.

It's in these ever-changing dynamics between best friends and not-so-best friends that children's friendships really come alive! It's a wonderful learning experience for them, as they navigate these ever-shifting relationships and gain valuable insights into how to navigate social challenges.

In terms of your comment that children's friendships are not long-lasting, you can look back and see if your son has a good friend he talks about a lot. It would be great to know if these playmates are close to him in terms of physical distance and if they can meet frequently!

Oh, and do the parents of the children often meet and chat together?

These factors are super important to think about when you're wondering whether a child's social friendship will last. It's so important to remember that friendship relationships between children can't be looked at in isolation.

Judging from his social cycle,

You also mentioned that he became frustrated only after a month. But imagine if you interacted and played together every day during that month! So much would have happened, and the friendship would have wavered countless times from one second to the next.

If you don't play with those kids often during the month, you won't be that close to them when you meet up to play together next time. But don't worry! You can integrate quickly, and you'll be ready to handle any conflicts that arise.

This month may be a way of describing it, but there's still so much to consider! Think about how often he interacted with other children this month and how he felt each time.

Now for the fun part! Let's sort out your observations, analysis, and doubts.

Your child's sense of security is probably the foundation of his enthusiasm for socializing!

I'm so impressed with how you've handled this! The mother is making close observations, while the father is reflecting and noticing whether the son is eager for attention.

This is great news! It confirms that, at least in terms of your child's development, you have devoted attention and thought to it. And the fact that you discuss this shows that your interaction is also very good.

These are definitely the foundations for your son's good sense of security!

So, as we mentioned earlier, it's clear that the more secure a child is, the more sociable they are!

From the perspective of parenting styles, they are absolutely amazing at expressing themselves and interacting with others!

Now, think back to who raised your child from childhood to adulthood. Who was it? And did they like to talk to your child often?

One of the most fascinating ideas in the book "The Language of Parents: 30 Million Words to Shape a Stronger Learning Brain" is that in a child's early years, if the child's caregivers often engage in positive and active dialogue with the child, then this language will stimulate the child's brain in the most incredible way! It will have a positive impact on the child's learning ability, comprehension, imagination, creativity, execution, and problem-solving skills in the future.

You said he wants to play with every child, whether he knows them or not!

This just goes to show how secure he is! It's totally normal for both adults and kids to feel a bit uneasy when they're around strangers or unfamiliar things. But he's not letting that stop him!

A child with a strong sense of inner security is a joy to be around! They communicate well with the people around them because of the environment in which they grow up. They see the world and other people as benevolent, which makes them approachable and not shy.

He even initiates conversations with strangers! Like the old lady he met on the street.

This is fantastic! It shows that your son is not only comfortable with children his age, but also with older people, and that he has excellent expressive and expressive skills.

If a person feels that their language skills are weak and they are not good at expressing themselves, they often don't dare to speak up. But children can also sense this from the way they are perceived by those around them.

However, your son is not worried at all about this, which is great because it shows that in everyday life, he has no trouble communicating with other people. So, by extension, there is no problem with his ability to express himself verbally, which is fantastic!

Initiating conversations with strangers is a great way to show your expressive ability and expressive power, which is the ability to show yourself and not feel shy about it. He's doing an amazing job in this regard!

The girl you observed is really something! Her language is developing quickly, she has many rules for playing, and she has a strong ability to empathize.

This is a factor, but it won't really affect your son's potential.

This is something all parents should know!

It's fascinating to see how these differences emerge even in infancy. Girls tend to develop their language skills more quickly than boys, while boys develop their gross motor skills more quickly than girls. This is probably a result of human evolution, which is truly amazing to observe!

It's fascinating to think about how our bodies and minds have evolved over time. In ancient times, men had to go out hunting, while women were responsible for gathering and logistics. This meant that boys developed their motor skills faster than their language skills, while girls developed the opposite.

This is totally normal! As the child grows, these two aspects will become more balanced for both boys and girls. And they can both excel!

However, there is a clear and exciting difference between boys and girls in terms of relationship management!

Boys often resolve conflicts through physical conflict, which is often referred to as fighting. It's a great way to show strength and win!

Girls often engage in relational aggression, which involves some pretty cool strategies like alienating, isolating, targeting, excluding, and speaking ill of others.

But have you noticed something really interesting? You've analyzed the differences in motor skills between your son and the boys who are mostly a year older than him, as well as the differences in language development of girls. And guess what? The problem he encounters is not fighting with the boys or being talked down to and excluded by the girls!

And that's why they don't play with me!

This is great news! It shows that his interpersonal problems are not caused by conflicts.

This is a great sign! It shows that he's not one to get into conflicts or arguments with others.

This ability is not possessed by many children, which makes him even more special!

If a child constantly clashes with other children, is excluded, becomes increasingly short-tempered and irritable, and increasingly resistant to social interaction, then something is wrong. But don't worry! There are ways to help your child.

But this situation seems to have never happened to your son, which is great! When he arrives in a new environment and meets new friends, he will happily rush over to play with everyone. Who would think that such a child has social problems? Isn't such a child super cute?

Once he's in a new environment, he's absolutely thrilled and jumps right in to play with all the new children!

So why does he have such a strong need to socialize? In addition to the above analysis, let's take a look at some of your son's amazing potential abilities!

1. His sense of security has developed really well, which means he's ready to take on the world! He's not afraid to socialize, he loves it, and he's got the resilience to keep going when things get tough.

2. He has amazingly well-developed expressive and presentation skills, and he can think about and deal with problems. With these abilities, he can absolutely cope with social setbacks, so he will definitely try again!

So if you want to play with others or chat with them, you can do it right away! There's no need to wait. You won't encounter any resistance at the beginning of the play or chat. Otherwise, a child who is unable to express himself clearly may be rejected and excluded by other children at the beginning.

3. He is eager to keep trying to solve problems, which is a fantastic quality that includes the trait of becoming more determined despite setbacks.

If a child can't handle feeling like they've failed, they might become lonely and withdrawn when they're rejected by people who don't want to play with them. But your son is different! He'll still take the initiative to go up to others and play with them next time.

This shows he has the amazing ability to deal with these feelings of frustration! At the same time, he will ask his mother why, seek help from adults, and help himself solve the problem so that he can try again next time.

And this spirit of trying again and again, becoming more and more determined despite setbacks, may be interpreted by a parent with an inadequate sense of self-evaluation as: "Why not give it another go? You've already been frustrated once, so why not learn from it and keep trying?"

Now for the fun part!

Now for the best part! I want to talk to you about how to deal with and resolve parental concerns.

Here's something parents might not realize: nobody wants to become someone who only pleases others to gain affirmation and recognition. And that's a good thing! It means that parents and children can both pursue their own paths to success without worrying about being liked by everyone.

So what parents can and absolutely should do is talk to their children!

So what parents can and absolutely should do is talk to their children!

Oh, I'd love to know why you enjoy being liked by everyone! What is that like? What have you done to make everyone like you?

Could it be that you love the process so much and want to be liked by everyone for a little longer? And that the other children also want to experience this feeling, which is why they show that they don't want to play with you?

Could it be that you love the process so much and want to be liked by everyone for longer? And that the other children also want to experience this feeling, which is why they show that they don't want to play with you?

You see, the older children run too fast and climb too high, and you can't keep up, so you get left behind and it's hard to play together. But it's not your fault! So let's exercise more often so that we can run faster and climb higher too, so that we can catch up with them and play together!

Oh my goodness, there are so many rules in the girls' game! What do you think of those rules? Can you understand them all?

Absolutely! Let's change the rules so that more children can join in and have fun together. That would be so much more fun!

We all love to feel liked! But, we don't want you to try to win everyone over by pleasing and catering to others.

You see, even though it can be frustrating when kids don't want to play with you, it's so inspiring how you find the courage to play with other kids the next time you meet them! It's amazing how sometimes our parents aren't as good as we are, so we can teach them!

...

Guess what! All these seemingly casual chats can actually inspire children to think and find solutions to problems.

I've never met your son, but I can already tell he's a warm-hearted child. He's got so much positivity and sunshine in him! As for the parents, they can reflect on whether they've given themselves enough credit.

So, why are you so concerned about your child's social life? Could it be that you're afraid that your child will get hurt? Or, perhaps you're socially insecure and have been hurt yourself? Whatever the reason, I'm sure you'll agree that it's a great thing to be concerned about!

You're so focused on these aspects of your child, and they may be the very aspects that you're working on yourself!

I'm Bo, sir!

Good day.

From your question, I can tell you are a very responsible and caring mother, which is wonderful. I can also see that this process has aroused certain curiosity and emotions in you, such as why his social need is so strong.

At the same time, I feel a certain degree of sympathy for him. I would like to discuss ways in which you can provide support and guidance as your child grows and develops.

It would be beneficial to accept him and understand your own lack of understanding.

As children develop, they will continue to choose ways that suit their growth and development according to their innate temperament, exploring themselves in ways that can satisfy their needs, and constantly yearning for response and support. This is one aspect to consider.

Another aspect to consider is the initial formation of his personality, as well as the feedback, practice, and imitation he receives in the process of interaction with his parents. It's also important to note that he is in love with socializing, which is a way for him to express himself and interact with the world in a way that brings him satisfaction.

It's important to remember that this behavior is not necessarily related to premature birth or physical fitness. In a child's world, there is no right or wrong. They are simply curious and eager to satisfy themselves and develop their own needs through social interaction. Instead of using stereotypes, it might be helpful to view his behavior in a different light. Given his love for socializing, it would be beneficial to guide him in learning to socialize effectively.

It would be beneficial to create a social environment and place where there is a response, with the aim of reducing harm.

It would be fair to say that children have an innate desire to socialise, interact with others and seek out responses. This is a natural instinct.

Perhaps we could consider respecting his instinct. When a child experiences "social frustration" repeatedly, it may not only affect adults emotionally, but also have an impact on the child.

It is not within a child's power to choose who they interact with. They simply wish to socialize. However, we can make decisions on their behalf.

We can also meet community volunteers and people from all kinds of different professions. Even people from the supermarket or convenience store would be great, as long as he is willing. There are many stages to this process, and we can choose some typical scenarios and occupations to guide our child to correctly understand the division of labor and development of occupations in society.

Given the large number of children in the orphanage, it would be beneficial to take him to comply with relevant epidemic prevention requirements at the appropriate time, bring some toys and old clothes from home to donate (with the child's informed consent), and let him have more contact with children from other places. This could encourage his thinking and the kind side of his nature.

It is possible that he will develop the ability to empathize. Perhaps he will no longer socialize aimlessly, but with a sense of responsibility and a sense of mission to help others. This could potentially lead to the development of the child's various abilities.

It is possible that ❤️ may guide him in the right direction socially and help him develop good values.

"Mommy, why won't they play with me?" When your child asks this question, you might consider telling them:

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's not your fault if they don't want to play with you. Everyone has their own thoughts and preferences.

Some children love to play with toys. They may be shy, and they may not have had the chance to get to know you yet, so they're not familiar with you. So sweetheart, not every child wants to play with everyone like you do.

It is also possible that they may choose to become friends with a few children and play with them a lot.

You might then like to have a good chat with him about what playing with everyone means to him and whether it is an important thing. You could also focus on the feelings and emotions he experiences when other children refuse to play with him and how he deals with and processes these sad emotions.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask him if he would like to be more like everyone else and choose to become familiar with a few friends and play with them together, rather than playing with everyone and constantly experiencing the feeling of being rejected.

Perhaps it would be helpful to respect his choices. You might also consider telling him that you love him and that you feel sorry for him when you see how often he is rejected.

It is my hope that he will find happiness from the bottom of his heart and feel the joy of playing with friends and becoming a better person together. As long as he feels that it is OK and he is willing, and you support him as his mother, I believe he has the right to make his own free choice.

The process of raising children is also a process of reconstructing the way we understand the world. It would be beneficial to gain additional knowledge in order to become more tolerant and inclusive, which would enable us to better accompany our children's growth. You may find it helpful to read "The Awakening of Parents," "Accompanying Children for a Lifetime," and "I Wish My Parents Had Read This Book" to supplement your knowledge and improve yourself, so that we can pick up on our children's emotions, better guide and accompany their growth, and support them to become who they want to be.

I hope my answer is helpful to you and to the world. I love you!

Hello!

1. My son is 5 years and 4 months old. He needs a lot of social interaction.

He even talks to strangers, like the old lady he meets on the street. He's happy in a new place and plays with all the kids.

Erikson's eight-stage personality theory says that children aged 3-6 have a main conflict of initiative versus guilt. They need to gain a sense of initiative and overcome feelings of guilt.

Children at this age want to explore more. If they are encouraged to explore, they will become more responsible and creative. If they are stopped from exploring, they will lose confidence and become more inclined to live a narrow life.

Some people feel guilty because they didn't get through this stage in preschool.

The child is happy in a new environment. He explores, talks to old ladies, and plays with children. He is developing his own initiative.

2. His friendships don't last.

Children's friendships are different from adult friendships. We often talk about being best friends with someone, but it is not until adolescence that we develop long-lasting friendships.

Children aged 2–7 mainly play with toys. They have not yet developed the kind of friendships adults have. Each stage has its own characteristics and main tasks. When children play, they are developing their social and creative skills.

There are two types of children's games: coordination games and cooperative games. In coordination games, children play individually. They communicate, exchange ideas, and interact during the game, but they don't have a common goal or division of roles. In cooperative games, children work together to achieve a common goal. They divide up tasks and work together.

There are three stages of play in early childhood. The first is non-social play, which is solitary or spectator play.

The second stage is parallel play. This is when a child joins in with other children's play without trying to influence them.

Stage 3 is about social news. Qi is about how social play is.

3. Boys his age don't play with him much. Boys can run fast and climb high, but my son was born prematurely and can't keep up, so the boys left him behind.

Girls develop language skills faster, have more rules for games, and are more empathetic. My son can't keep up and is being left behind.

He can't keep up with the big kids in gross motor skills, but it's not because he was born premature. It's just that the older kids are stronger than him. It's like comparing a normally developed child aged seven to a normally developed child aged six.

Try to find children of the same age to play with. Also, how well does he get along with his peers at kindergarten? If he gets along well, there's no need to worry!

4. My son is self-conscious.

Children see themselves through their parents' eyes. If parents are critical or uninvolved, children may feel unworthy.

It's important to interact with your child, encourage them, praise them, and spend quality time with them.

Best wishes!

Hi there!

I just wanted to send a quick hug your way, because I know you have a lot on your mind with your son.

You say you don't think your son has any major social problems, but from your description, I can sense that you have a lot of worries and anxieties. My first suggestion is that you pay attention to and become aware of this part of yourself.

Children's social and play development happens in stages. For instance, they first play alone, then in the same area as other kids, but each playing their own games, and then move on to a more cooperative and interactive approach.

Kids over five are ready to interact with others in a more cooperative way. They're curious about the world and especially interested in their friends. They enjoy exploring relationships with others and interacting with them. In fact, their willingness to go out shows that they feel safe in the world around them. You may have a very considerate parenting style, giving your child plenty of emotional responses and attention. You're a very loving mother.

It's totally normal for kids to have disagreements with each other at this age. They often work things out on their own.

There's a saying in psychology that it's enough to be a 60-point mother, which means our love and attention for our kids doesn't have to be 100%. Kids grow up by separating from their mothers. As they get older, they become more independent and explore the outside world. We need to let them do that while making sure they're safe.

Kids will face setbacks as they start to interact with others. But for them, these are just part of the process. At this age, their main attachment is their parents, who also provide security. As long as their parents give them the support they need to handle external risks, like if they're playing with older kids and they can't keep up (which is normal because young kids have different abilities depending on their age), they'll be left behind. But going home and being comforted and accompanied by their parents will help them get over the small internal upset. It's like when a child falls down and the mother helps them up, wipes the dirt off, and comforts them a little, and then they run forward again.

If a mother is fussing over a child who has fallen and even wants to examine the injuries, she may be overprotective. Overprotection is basically an intrusion and a form of deprivation. At this time, what the mother should probably reflect on more is her own inner needs.

Kids grow up fast, and there's no need to label them with problems like "low self-esteem" or "strong social needs." Just observe the child and offer help and guidance when they turn to you for support.

For instance, if a child asks, "Mom, why won't they play with me?," it's likely that they've just faced a real-life challenge. Kids grow up gradually, through facing problems and finding solutions. You can grasp the reason behind this issue, assist the child in identifying a solution together, and gradually enhance their social interaction abilities.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful for you. Thanks for asking!

From the title of the question, it's clear the questioner has a lot of love and attention for his child. What I don't understand is why he's trying to figure out why his child has such a strong social need.

If you understand this, you know what to do.

He wants to play with every child, whether he knows them or not.

He even took the initiative to chat with the grandmothers he didn't know on the street.

Once he is in a new environment, he thrives. He takes the initiative to play with all the new children.

His friendships never lasted long.

After a month, he would always ask me in frustration, "Mom, why don't they play with me?"

I am curious to know how this passage makes the OP feel. Is it a mixture of joy and worry?

It's clear to me that the questioner is more worried.

I don't understand the questioner's worries. Is it because the child has too many friends? Is it because the child is too fond of "new" things?

It's not because children's friendships don't last. It's because children ask you this question in frustration.

It's clear that most of the children who are more than half a year older than him don't like playing with him.

Boys can run fast and climb high, but my son was born prematurely and cannot keep up with the big kids in terms of gross motor skills. It's simple: the boys just left him behind.

Girls, on the other hand, develop language faster, have more rules to play by, and are better at empathizing. My son, on the other hand, is even more unable to keep up, and over time, he has been left behind.

This passage reveals the reason and basis for the questioner's worries. It's likely that the questioner is more worried about the lack of a solution to this problem.

"I don't understand where this exuberant social need comes from. My son is a child with a very low opinion of himself."

"In fact, the questioner is absolutely right. This is precisely what children at this age are like: developing interpersonal relationships, interested in everything new, like challenges, and also have some of their own thoughts.

"I don't think there's anything fundamentally wrong with his social skills." You may think there is, but you've said otherwise verbally.

"But sometimes he even gets a cold shoulder, and I feel so bad for him. "The questioner has likely projected something from the adult world onto their child, which makes it easy to understand why the child is always frustrated and asks me, Mom, why they don't play with me."

From the text, it is evident that the questioner is preoccupied with the fact that her son was born prematurely. This concern has led her to view her son's typical words and actions through a distorted lens, overinterpreting them.

Your child is five years old and is in a stage of rapid development and change. Don't see him as "unchanging" with an "adult's perspective." And don't look at him with the "inherent adult shortcomings" either. You may think you're being objective, but your child will feel it.

When your child feels frustrated in social interactions, empathize with him, understand how he feels, and then give him suggestions and guidance. This is a good opportunity to exercise your child's ability to face setbacks. Not only is your child troubled by this, but other children of this age also have this problem.

I am certain that my reply will be of help to you. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

We must ask ourselves: why do 5-year-old boys have such a strong need for social interaction? Let's analyze it together.

Erikson's personality development theory states that children aged 3-6 must develop initiative and overcome feelings of guilt. They actively seek to establish relationships with others.

As the questioner describes, he takes the initiative to chat with grandmas he doesn't know on the street, even if they're strangers.

In a new environment, he is happy and takes the initiative to play with all the new children.

Children at this age have a strong sense of curiosity and intellectual curiosity, as well as the ability to adapt.

It is normal for relationships with peers to be hindered. Children choose their friends according to their own instincts and preferences. There is no doubt that children aged 3-6 mostly gather together and play their own games (parallel play), while children aged 6-12 gather together and play in groups with different roles.

This is related to the child's thinking and manual abilities at different stages.

This is the phenomenon described by the original poster: the older children don't want to play with their own children, and their own children don't want to play with the younger children. As children's intelligence and manual dexterity increase, the gap in ability gradually decreases, and children will integrate into the activities of older children.

Don't worry. This is also a process of self-exploration for growing children.

We will help children in the following ways to boost their self-confidence.

(1) Encourage

After a month, he would always ask me in a depressed mood, "Mom, why don't they play with me?" At this time, the mother should ask the child what exactly happened, let the child narrate the process, find the reason, and at the same time encourage the child to continue to find friends to play with.

Tell your child that when other children know that you like them and are willing to share your toys, food, etc., they will like you.

(2) Help children take the initiative to establish relationships with their peers.

Sometimes children are shy and don't want to play with children who reject them. In these cases, parents should take their children and interact with the children, with the goal of fostering a good friendship. Parents can also invite the children to their home to play, which will help their child establish relationships with other children.

(3) Distract the child.

When a child is frustrated and depressed, accept their emotions and tell them, "I know, you're having a hard time right now. Let's go play somewhere else."

Children's attention spans are short, and their emotions change quickly. Change the environment and their mood will improve.

(4) Companionship

Parents must make time to spend with their children and play some parent-child games together. In these games, parents should play their children, and their children should play other children, simulating how parents respond when conflicts arise.

This is how children learn to solve problems.

Parents must let go of their anxieties, spend more time with and encourage their children, and not care about the ups and downs between the children. This is the only way their children will be able to get along with their friends.

The above suggestions are for reference only.

I am confident that this will be helpful.

Best regards!

From what you've said, it's clear you're a mother who's focused on your child's growth. This attention is also key to your child growing up healthily.

Meanwhile, if you're curious and open to learning as you raise your child, you'll naturally become a growth-oriented parent. This will help your child grow in ways that suit them.

We hope these ideas will help you deal with your concerns.

First, you can have a chat with your child to get a better understanding of their inner psychological needs.

From what you've said, it seems like you and your child's father have also talked about your child's social needs. It looks like the father has made some notes about what he's observed.

As a mother, once you've got a handle on what your husband thinks, the best way to communicate with your child is to be direct. Even though a 5-year-old can't always articulate their thoughts in the same way as an adult, it's always best to go to the source for first-hand information.

So, you can try having some chats with your child, getting to know what they need in a relaxed way using your everyday language. As a parent, you'll be able to see what your child needs and help them out.

2. Get to know the different ways children develop at different ages, and think about what they need in terms of social interaction.

There are lots of books out there about child development, covering everything from babies to teenagers. The stages of development as outlined by Erikson (who was mentioned by a teacher in another reply) and the importance of play are particularly useful.

I'd also like to share some insights from developmental psychology about how children around the age of 5 develop socially.

It's typical for early friendships to be fragile and changeable. They form quickly and break just as fast. Most friendships among young children are based on geographical proximity, shared interests and favorite activities, and the possession of interesting toys.

However, this doesn't mean that peer relationships can't be good for kids. In fact, research shows that they can be.

However, this doesn't mean that peer relationships can't be good for kids. In fact, research shows that they can be.

Peer socialization among young children can meet at least the following major needs:

1. To meet young children's needs for belonging, love, and respect; to give children chances to learn from how others react;

2. Give kids a chance to learn from how others react to them.

3. It's also a special source of information and a frame of reference for the child.

4. It's also a source of emotional support for children.

So, you can use your child's conversations as a way to understand what they really want and need from social interactions, and give them some guidance on social skills so that they can play happily with their peers.

I'm a psychologist, but I'm more interested in the emotional side of things than the purely scientific. I hope things work out for you.

As a mother, you may experience feelings of sadness when your child is rejected by their peers and lacks social connections.

Firstly, it is necessary to adjust your definition of socialization.

It is important to note that socialization encompasses more than just playing with peers. It also includes spending time with parents, elders, and younger children.

Why do children consistently gravitate towards peer interaction?

This is because parents and elders find it challenging to relinquish their parental role and instead tend to protect, worry about, care for, and guide their children. This condescending attitude naturally makes children feel weak, which is why they crave interaction with their peers.

Please reflect on whether this is the kind of atmosphere that currently exists in your family.

Given your specific mention of "premature birth," it is possible that the child has been labeled "premature" by his family since childhood.

It is therefore important to ensure that your child is treated as any other child would be, rather than as a child who is in need of constant care and attention due to being born prematurely.

From a medical standpoint, the premature birth that occurred five years ago has no bearing on the child's development.

Secondly, it is important to understand what constitutes typical socialization for a child.

It is important to remember that children develop at different rates and to varying degrees. This is evident even in the adult world, where there are considerable differences between individuals.

It is important to note that children need to experience social interaction for themselves. Inevitably, they will encounter setbacks, rejection, and being ignored. However, these are also things that children need to experience for themselves and figure out for themselves.

I appreciate your concerns as a mother.

However, your concern may inadvertently convey the message to your child that he is inadequate and in need of constant protection.

In the event that the child is subjected to repeated rejection, it may be beneficial to communicate with them in the following manner:

- "Are you experiencing sadness when they do not engage in play with you?" (Assisting the child in recognizing emotions)

"What would you like to see happen?" This will help the child to focus on the goal.

"Please indicate which child you would like to play with and why you selected that child." (This will help the child clarify their own needs.)

Perhaps you could try being a bit more proactive and expressing your desire to play. It's okay to try a few times. I've included some specific suggestions below for your consideration.

- "What would you like your mother to do for you?" (unconditional support)

It is possible to distinguish between:

In the event of your child being rejected, it is important to distinguish between your own feelings of sadness and those of your child.

When a child exhibits low self-esteem, is it a genuine reflection of their beliefs, or is it a result of external influences?

It is important to distinguish between your own feelings and those of your child. Doing so will help you to maintain a positive outlook and to believe in your child's abilities.

Kindly proceed, young man.

Hello, young mother. I'm Yunshan.

I'm happy to see your question first. I can tell you're a mother who pays close attention to your child and observes him very carefully. It seems like you're also patient with your child, which isn't easy.

Based on what you've told me, I've put together a list. Please take a look and let me know if it's correct.

1. The boy is 5 years and 4 months old and wants to communicate with people he doesn't know.

2. The child is always left behind after spending some time with other friends, which obviously frustrates him and causes the mother to worry.

3. Because the child was born prematurely, there's a gap in his gross motor skills compared to other kids his age, and his language skills aren't as advanced as other girls his age.

4. Mom thinks the child has a strong need for social interaction, while dad thinks the child craves attention and wants to feel liked by everyone.

5. Mom feels sorry for her child and doesn't understand why she wants to make friends.

Next, let's think about the following questions:

1. How does the child get along with their parents at home? How much time do the parents spend with the child each day?

What kind of interactions do you have with your child during this time? Do you get any feedback from your child about how you're doing as a companion?

2. How is your child's health now that he was born prematurely? How would you say his gross motor skills compare to other children?

3. Have you had a chat with your child about why he wants to play with other kids?

4. Do you think the child is lacking in ability? If so, have you thought about how to help the child catch up or make up for it in other ways?

5. How does the child interact with other children in kindergarten?

We're social creatures, and our social nature means we all want to find like-minded people and fit in, even when we're kids. So, when a child is over five, it's the start of learning social skills, which is totally normal.

As a responsible mother, it's normal to worry about your child's problems. But kids take time to grow, and each child's growth process is different. So sometimes a child's little things may also cause some distress to parents. It's important to relax and not put too much pressure on yourself. This is good for both the child and the parents. We as parents are also in a process of continuous growth, so we also need to keep learning. By observing children, we can learn useful knowledge about children to improve our parenting skills and help children grow better. You can find some relevant books to read according to the situation you have observed to better understand how children develop at what age, which can reduce worry or anxiety.

As the mother of a boy and a girl, I've seen firsthand that raising a boy and raising a girl are two very different experiences. Even if they're twins, they may have completely different personalities. Boys may be more sensitive and need more patience and love to accompany, understand, and help them. In a child's early years, parents can be said to be the child's entire world, so parents have a big responsibility and their influence on the child will last a lifetime. However, no parent is perfect. No matter how much time and energy we spend, we may still make mistakes. But as long as we try our best, children will be able to feel the love that parents have for them.

Raising a child is a long process. From my experience, I didn't see the impact of my parenting until my son was 13. So, learn and grow with your child. Don't worry too much; just love and support your child as much as you can!

Come on! The world and I love you. I'm Yunshan.