A family of three, parents arguing, how do I deal with the parents' conflicts?

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to you in my capacity as a professional mediator in response to your query. It is clear from your message that you are experiencing difficulties in the context of your parents' conflict. I would like to reassure you that I am here to help. Please do not hesitate to contact me again if I can be of

After careful consideration of your message, I must advise that it is not possible to resolve the conflicts between your parents.

I realize this may seem discouraging, and I empathize with your frustration. I understand your desire to work hard for your parents and your family, and I want to reassure you that I support your commitment to them. Parents are our most important relationships, and we want to dedicate ourselves to them fully and without hesitation.

Given the depth of our mutual affection, our relationship is akin to a complex web of intertwined vines. From a different perspective, one might perceive oneself as an impartial bystander caught in the crossfire of the parties involved. The adage that even an impartial judge struggles to preside over family matters encapsulates a profound life philosophy.

If you wish to attempt to resolve conflicts between your parents, I believe the most crucial step is to adopt the perspective of an "outsider." This does not imply inactivity, but rather a more effective approach.

I believe it is our responsibility to become the anchor point of this family unit. It is not our role to rush to resolve the relationship issues between parents or even grandparents. By fostering a positive relationship with our father and mother, we can simplify the problem.

As you rightly observed, it is challenging to implement significant changes in the way they have been interacting with each other for over two decades in a relatively short period of time. Our influence will only gradually take effect when we focus on improving our relationship with them.

It is evident that your father has a number of grievances. It would be beneficial to set aside some time to listen to him attentively, thereby demonstrating that his children are understanding and willing to give him the space he needs to express himself. Additionally, it would be constructive to focus on your mother's positive attributes and achievements, including her ability to prepare a delicious dish, and verbalize your recognition and appreciation of these qualities. This can help to enhance her sense of value and security.

By investing time and energy in these activities, we can assist parents in identifying their own emotional anchor points. When they are in a positive frame of mind, their tolerance and acceptance of external factors and individuals will likely improve. It is important to allow parents to resolve their own conflicts and to clearly express their own attitudes and positions.

Naturally, we remain firmly opposed to physical violence. This necessitates communication with your parents separately, followed by a joint family meeting.

If we can establish a positive relationship with our parents, we are already well on our way to becoming a responsible child. It is important to remember that there are some situations beyond our control.

It is important to acknowledge the limitations of our time, energy, abilities, and finances. We must also recognize that we cannot be the savior of our parents. By doing so, we gain the wisdom to effectively address family issues. In this process, we have upheld the greatest respect for our parents and ourselves. We have allowed them to live, get along, and conflict in their own way. We have also allowed ourselves the time to develop ourselves and become what we want to be.

I recommend that you study or read Lin Wencai's "Intimate Relationships" course or book. This will help us gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics of intimate relationships and may provide insights into approaches to touch and communication that are more effective and constructive.

Ultimately, we should strive to love our parents and ourselves while learning to let go.

Dear Questioner, It is evident from your description that you are a filial child who is seeking to assist in resolving your parents' conflict. It is unfortunate that the discord between your parents has left you feeling adrift and uncertain. It is clear from your account that both of them are your loved ones, and it is distressing to observe them engaged in heated arguments and even physical altercations. From your account, it is apparent that you are striving to be a dutiful child who is willing to assist in resolving the conflict between your parents.

The manner in which parents interact with one another is not a phenomenon that can be expected to manifest within a relatively short timeframe, but rather, it is a quality that is shaped over the course of decades. Consequently, it is somewhat challenging for the questioner to effect a change in this particular situation, and it is not a matter that can be addressed through direct involvement.

The mother's assertive demeanor and the father's long-suffering demeanor finally reached a breaking point. If the questioner wishes to assist their parents, it is imperative to ascertain the underlying causes of their actions.

What factors contributed to the father's lack of influence? What circumstances led to the mother's dominant role?

The following is my hypothesis.

The father's characteristics can be described as follows:

The father displays a lack of strength and competence in his character.

Executive ability: The father displays a lack of executive ability, evidenced by his indecisiveness when confronted with the necessity of making decisions. Furthermore, his statements are often perceived as lacking conviction by the parties involved.

The father displays a high level of tolerance, likely stemming from his unconditional love for his mother. The questioner posits that the father's lack of assertiveness may be attributed to his mother's declining health. This could have led to a reduction in the father's influence within the family dynamic.

The mother's characteristics can be described as follows:

1. Personality reasons: The mother exhibited dominant and strong-willed behavior from an early age, which may have been influenced by the affectionate treatment she received from her grandparents. It is also plausible that her grandmother exhibited similar behavior, which the mother may have emulated.

2. Take action in a decisive manner. My mother tends to be impatient in situations and her temper can be somewhat volatile. She is a person of action, with a bold and decisive mind.

3. The family should provide support. The mother's parents are still alive and have guided her grandmother in her life to some extent. Having someone behind them makes them feel secure. Her grandparents are her mother's support and give her father little to no say. However, if there is an elderly person on her father's side, her mother will not be like this.

The mother's strong-willed nature has been apparent for a considerable period of time, and the father's grievances have also been accumulating for an extended duration. When the father finally articulated his discontent upon his retirement, it was akin to an overstretched balloon that could no longer withstand the internal pressure—it ruptured. I must commend the father's capacity to persevere.

The emotional outburst that occurred when the balloon popped can also be considered a positive occurrence.

As a result of this incident, both parents have been prompted to reflect on their roles and interactions within the family. It is recommended that the questioner prioritize spending time with their father, recognizing the prolonged and isolated nature of his efforts in navigating the challenges posed by their mother.

It would be beneficial to engage in a discussion with your father regarding his thoughts and feelings over the years. It is crucial to provide him with an opportunity to express the grievances that have accumulated over time.

It is imperative that you convey to your father the significance of effective communication. While his recent conduct represents a degree of advancement, there are still underlying issues, particularly the fact that physical violence is unacceptable. Your father's inclination towards alcohol consumption is largely driven by his difficulties in communicating with your mother. He seeks solace in drinking, which is the only outlet he has available to him, but it is important to note that he is frequently confronted with strong opposition. The imminent threat of losing this source of comfort may be a significant factor in his reluctance to alter his behavior. It is crucial to avoid any further disputes regarding alcohol consumption.

Both parties were culpable in this incident; therefore, it is advisable to allow them to calm down. It would be beneficial to listen to the accounts of both parents and identify the root of the problem.

The parents' mutual affection is evident in their willingness to tolerate each other's shortcomings. The father's patience and understanding of his wife's health challenges is noteworthy, as is her devotion to him and her efforts to dissuade him from excessive drinking.

If the questioner wishes to assist their parents, they may consider initiating the following steps:

It is important to facilitate communication between parents and their children in order to guide them in expressing their love in a more constructive and tactful manner. It is crucial to recognize that parents may not be able to immediately grasp new concepts or behaviors that they have not practiced for decades. It is therefore essential to provide guidance and support in a way that allows for gradual and incremental learning.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner act as the recorder, facilitating the expression of the other party's views. Typically, parents who monitor even minor changes in their partner's expressions can accumulate points, which they can then use to request actions that their partner would not normally perform.

For example, if the father has accumulated 10 points, the mother should offer sincere praise and identify five positive attributes she perceives in him. Upon the mother accumulating 10 points, the father should perform a small act of service, such as washing her feet. These requests can be negotiated between the two parties.

This necessitates communication between the subject and their parents, as well as mutual cooperation between them.

It is recommended that family activities be organized on a regular basis to provide both parties with the opportunity to demonstrate their abilities. If the father performs well, it would be beneficial for the mother to allow him to make some decisions or provide him with a certain amount of financial autonomy. Similarly, if the mother excels, the father should consider moderating his alcohol consumption or limiting it to a specific quantity.

Should one experience difficulty in carrying out these tasks, it is important not to be overly critical of oneself. If one is unable to alter their behaviour, it is crucial to accept this reality. Married life is a joint endeavour, and it can only be successfully navigated if both parties are willing to do so. Otherwise, the outcome is likely to be detrimental.

Furthermore, the original poster may consider scheduling an appointment for family therapy, during which they can engage in a constructive dialogue with a counselor to address the challenges within their family.

If life is a bowl of soup, then getting along is analogous to the water in the soup, and communication is the condiment in the soup. In order to create a harmonious bowl of soup, it is essential to cultivate tolerance, patience, and understanding in communication.

The most significant outcome of this experience for the author is the knowledge she has gained from both parents, which will undoubtedly influence her future marital relationships. It is my hope that the author will soon overcome her concerns.

My name is LiY Li, and I extend my utmost affection to the entire world.

My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

The parents have already retired, and the family's finances are relatively stable. It is now an opportune time to enjoy the benefits of a harmonious family life. The current situation, in which the parents are engaged in conflict, does not appear to be a negative factor. Does she sympathize with dad, and does she have a platform to turn to for help, in the hope of a solution?

Over the years, three generations have resided together. Your father's income was limited in the past, and life must have been challenging. Your mother has a short temper, and your father has endured significant difficulties. He also has to consider the feelings of the elderly and lacks independent space. It is commendable that you have made it through so many long years. Now you have also grown up, and the family finances are relatively stable.

It is not inherently problematic for a family to engage in disagreements, provided that they can be resolved in a reasonable manner and a sense of harmony is maintained. It is likely that Dad has experienced a significant amount of injustice and may feel compelled to share his experiences.

Individuals develop and mature in different environments and encounter diverse experiences. Learning to manage emotions constructively fosters a positive outlook, while responding to challenges with negativity can impede success. This is a personal decision.

I am confident that everyone has performed to the best of their abilities. I believe that over the years, Dad has persevered and supported you, maintaining composure and stability. There are causes and effects in the relationship between a husband and wife, and they have not separated after so many years.

It is beneficial for Dad to be able to release his emotions. It would be more challenging if he were to keep them all inside.

Family order is a crucial aspect of the family dynamic. Each member fulfills their designated role without encroaching on the responsibilities of others. They respect their parents' authority and maintain boundaries that are not infringed upon by others. The father has secured a retirement income, which provides financial stability. He is now able to embrace a more authentic self, address long-standing grievances, and take risks. This marks the beginning of the father's transformation.

Furthermore, the mother will recognize that her actions are an attempt to alter the circumstances. As children, there is little they can do, but they can influence the situation through their actions. Expressing gratitude for their parents' contributions and acknowledging their role in the family is a key source of comfort for children. Additionally, the happiness of their children is a form of filial piety for their parents.

It is important to maintain a professional distance when dealing with disagreements between parents. It is not your place to intervene, as your involvement could potentially exacerbate the situation. As you mature, you will find that your parents' perspectives evolve. It is crucial to recognize and appreciate the role your parents have played in your life, including their contributions to your upbringing.

I hope you have a happy day.

Hi there, I just wanted to give you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like your mother is quite strong-willed and controlling, while your father doesn't have much of a say and seems resentful. It also seems like your grandparents have been interfering a lot, given their refusal to let your mother give your father money.

You don't know what to do when you see your parents arguing.

From what you've told me, you're already an adult, but even so, you probably don't have much say in the face of your parents' conflicts.

The way your family interacts has been in place for a long time. You mentioned that when you were at school, the family didn't earn much money and the atmosphere wasn't great.

Now that the parents have retired and don't have to worry about money, the family pattern is still that the mother controls the finances and is very controlling, and loves to boss the father around.

First of all, I want to say that the family's pattern of getting along is formed over a long period of time. Everyone has their own role, everyone does what the other person expects, and everyone knows what kind of feedback the other person will give. This family system can operate automatically. It can be said that over time, the pattern of getting along becomes inertia.

Without any outside influence, this pattern will continue to operate. It's clear that when your parents went from working to retiring, it didn't disrupt the way your family operates.

How did this pattern form? It might be related to your parents' original families. They brought with them from their respective original families some perceptions, behaviors, ways of thinking, and ways of getting along with their partners, etc., which together influenced and formed the current pattern of getting along in your family.

From what you said, it seems like your mother might be like your grandmother, with a strong desire for control, and your grandfather might be similar to your father in some ways. You said you don't have any grandparents, and I'm not sure when they passed away, before or after your father became an adult.

If you're an adult, your parents' absence might also affect your father's relationship with his partner.

To sum up, your parents' relationship may have continued the pattern of their respective parents' relationships in their original families. This kind of pattern makes it seem like no one is at fault, but it's just hard to be around each other.

Unfortunately, there's probably not much you can do, especially if you're young and have probably also developed the habit of being unable to do anything and influence them when they're arguing. Even if you're older and an adult, you may still avoid your parents' arguments because you don't know how to deal with them or mediate their conflicts.

And it's not your fault, because you haven't learned how to deal with this situation either.

It's good that you're aware of the situation, but you probably can't expect your parents to change on their own. For example, expecting your mother to stop being controlling is too much to ask. She's been controlling for decades, and she may feel aggrieved because your father doesn't do anything, so your mother has to take charge and manage the money.

You're in your 20s now, and you may still be in the stage of laying the foundation for your career. Whether it's income, ability, position, etc., you may not be able to surpass your parents, and they may not listen to you. It should be said that they definitely won't listen.

You can try to communicate with them and calmly express your expectations, but be prepared that they may refuse to communicate. They may even think that you're not being respectful and have grown up.

Be prepared for the possibility that your relationship may deteriorate and they may blame you.

You need to lower your expectations and let them work out their own parental issues. The way your parents get along with each other, whether or not they want to change it after all these years, and how they want to change it, are issues they need to face. You can't take on the parental issues.

You can focus on your own issues, like working hard to improve yourself and become more capable and influential. Leave the rest to time.

You can also chat with a counselor if you like.

I'm a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive and motivated. I love the world and I love what I do.

Hello! I'm Evan.

The original family was in conflict. The questioner felt confused. The father's position in the family is low. He is unable to obtain financial support. This causes him to be dissatisfied with the mother.

It's normal for these issues to come up and cause problems.

The original family is in conflict because they don't get along. The questioner wants to help them reconcile out of filial piety. But reconciliation isn't the questioner's responsibility.

Don't blame yourself for trying to help your parents. When there is a conflict, both of your parents are responsible.

If the questioner wants to help their parents, they can go to the neighborhood committee or street office. If the parents cannot be together, the questioner can ask them to decide if they want to stay together or if they are comfortable with the way things are. It is difficult to influence family members. The parents should discuss and resolve the future of the relationship.

As a child, it's hard to give advice. If the relationship changes, the questioner and their parents will be in a tricky spot.

I can only give some suggestions on how to deal with the current negative emotions.

Don't take on your parents' responsibilities.

The child is not responsible for the parents' relationship. The child can only help the mother feel better.

The current stage of intimacy is the result of the two people's efforts. Neither person is solely responsible. The questioner is not responsible for the parents' intimacy or for forming a family.

The questioner should not ignore their family, but help in a way that is right for them. The father may have problems with his wife controlling his money. The questioner can help their father in a way that is right for them.

Accept reality.

The parents' marriage is already this way, and it is hard for the questioner to change it. You have to accept this. You cannot control your parents' feelings and thoughts, but you can change how you think about them. This can change how they think about you.

It's hard to change other people's minds, especially when they don't want to change. The only person who can change them is themselves. If the parent's conflict makes the questioner feel troubled, the questioner can learn to listen.

If parents are fighting, the first five minutes are spent venting. The questioner can learn to find out what they want to say while they vent. There is something wrong with the parents' communication, which has led to their current situation. If the questioner wants to help them improve their relationship, they can learn to control their emotions, listen, and help them express themselves clearly.

Move!

It's normal for kids to feel bad when their parents argue. Being active helps.

If you want to feel better, go outside and move around. It will be hard at first, but you will feel better after a while.

Exercise gets blood moving and oxygen to the brain, making you feel better. It also relieves nervous tension. When you exercise, your brain makes a happy chemical that makes you feel good. You'll feel happy after you exercise, which will make you want to exercise more.

Get professional psychological help.

If your family of origin is causing you pain, you can find professional psychological support. Look for a counselor or listener on a psychological platform. They can help you deal with your family and learn to face your parents.

I hope this helps.

Hello! I'm Strawberry.

From what you've told me, it seems like your family has a very strong mother and a father who doesn't feel he has a voice. I can understand why you'd be more sympathetic towards your father's experience. It seems like your mother treats him unfairly, and it's not just that he doesn't feel he can speak up, but also that he feels so controlled by her that it's like he's being suffocated.

The influence of the original family is so strong!

From her mother's character, it's clear that her original family had a big impact on her. She didn't even realize the harm her actions had caused the question asker and the question asker's father. The father was hurt by this, but perhaps to keep the family happy, he chose to put up with it again and again.

Her father was always very accommodating and patient, but her mother wasn't quite as understanding. This led to her becoming more and more demanding. She felt that her father's sacrifice was a given and that he had the right to arrange the money he earned. However, her mother felt that she had to control the family finances to keep her husband and children under control.

This has a lot to do with the environment, the people she came into contact with, and the education she received during her mother's upbringing. The question asker's grandmother has always taught her daughter to control the family finances and not give her husband financial freedom, which has led to her forming such thoughts and ideas. It's understandable that she's unable to escape the influence of her original family herself, and no one else can change her.

I'm sure you'll agree that the biggest factor in family discord is...

The British psychologist once said something really interesting. He said that the true success of parental love is to let the child separate from you as an independent individual as soon as possible. Especially in the marriage of their children, if the parents of both sides interfere, it will gradually deviate from the original intention and feelings.

It seems that the question asker's grandmother has been getting involved in her daughter's family. It's possible that she's the main reason for the difficulties in your family. It seems that she controls the question asker's mother, who then transfers this repressed emotion of being controlled to the question asker's father.

If you want to improve the current situation in your family, the best thing your mother can do is try to get a little bit more space from her mother-in-law. It's so important for her to realise that she has been controlled by her mother for many years. It's also crucial for her to understand that her mother has shaped her into the person she is today. I really hope she can wake up sooner rather than later.

Do your best to help your parents, sweetie.

I gave you all the love I could, but it seems you weren't quite ready to accept it. I'm sorry I let you down, but I'm here to support you and help you through this. This is the pattern of the parents' relationship over the years, with a lack of communication. The pent-up frustration that has built up over the years has finally exploded, driving the father to lose his temper.

1. Try to communicate: The mother thinks she is giving the best, but has long neglected her partner's needs. She has not seen what he really wants inside, nor has she understood it. The way each couple gets along is different because of their personalities. If the mother blindly follows the wrong education she was given, the questioner can ask her parents to sit down together and try to have a heart-to-heart communication. They can pour out their innermost thoughts and grievances, and the questioner can then give them an analysis based on the actual situation. Those in the know are confused, and those on the sidelines are clear. They can also tell their parents the pros and cons of their grandmother's actions, without accusing them, but just analyzing them.

2. I'd gently suggest that they seek professional help. It's been many years now that the parents have been struggling to get along, and there's no doubt that they've accumulated a lot of problems along the way. If they could get some guidance from a professional, I'm sure they'd be able to see the most important issues more clearly and come up with some effective solutions. It's a process that will take time, but I'm sure they'll persevere.

I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. I wish them all the best!

First, you need to understand why your father is unhappy about not having financial control.

There are two types of oppression: physical and mental.

The restriction of spiritual freedom can be understood in terms of PUA. Basically, personal freedom is a human right and an economic right.

Not having any say over your own rights can be really tough and make it hard to fit in and be part of society.

So, apart from the fact that the father hasn't been financially independent, his reaction is also down to the fact that he's been under a lot of pressure for so many years. He needs to find the straw that breaks the camel's back. You also need to find out why the father suddenly needs money and what he wants to use it for.

Start by talking to your mother. Ask her why she's not giving your father any money. It might just be her personality, and your grandmother's influence (in fact, there are also "mama's girls" who can't handle their own household affairs and involve their elders in the daily operation of the family).

It's also possible that your father has spent money recklessly (on food, drink, prostitutes, gambling, or on social obligations that exceed the family's means) without your knowledge.

Once both parents have had a chance to talk it through and figure out what's going on, they can step in as mediators, either together or at a family meeting. The key is to make sure a third party doesn't get involved (especially not the grandmother).

So, grandma also needs to be included in the conversation. After the separation, let's try to reconcile mother and grandma again. Why does grandma feel that the family must have mother in control of the finances? Is it because of her mother's education and participation when she was a child, or did grandpa or grandma's father do something that caused grandma to have this belief?

It's more likely that the reason for drinking is the case, and it's also the only speculation in the text. Both the mother and the grandmother are in good faith. After all, father's drinking is bad for his health. So it's a complete misunderstanding. Family harmony requires communication. If the words are spoken openly, it may be fine.

I hope this gives you some inspiration. Every family is different, so the way they get along, the personalities of the family members, and the resulting chemical reactions will all be different. Only you, who are in the middle of it and the fourth party for the three of them, can see it most clearly. But remember one thing when dealing with it: in terms of the relationship between husband and wife, you and your grandmother-in-law are both third parties and do not need to interfere with their decisions.

Good day, my name is Gu Daoxi, also known as Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

Many issues in the workplace can be traced back to a lack of communication. It is possible that the conflict between your parents was the result of a prolonged period of miscommunication, which eventually led to a breakdown in relations.

Men and women process information and express emotions in different ways. For example, I recently asked my husband if he was aware of my frustration during dinner the previous night. He was taken aback and replied, "Really?"

I have observed that you do not seem to care whether I eat. You pick at the food on your plate repeatedly after it has been placed on the table. Once you have finished, I have to care for the children and wait for you to finish eating. It is difficult to find a plate of food that does not require picking at, yet you remove it anyway. He stated that he removed it because he believed I was not eating. When we dine out, he will order a separate dish while I am eating. I have come to understand that he does not care about me. He is unaware that I am angry and does not consider my emotions.

Regarding the trigger for the questioner's parents, I believe there are historical reasons that have accumulated over time, as well as your mother's heartfelt concerns about your mother. However, the way the two of them express themselves has unfortunately resulted in a lack of mutual understanding.

I believe that after the questioner's mother reprimanded the questioner's father, he was unaware of the reason for his father's desire to use the card. The questioner's father felt that he had no authority to do so and was not privy to the questioner's mother's rationale for preventing him from handling the finances or consuming alcohol.

From my family's experience, I have gained the following insights:

Historically, women were the primary managers of household finances, while men were responsible for external financial matters. This traditional gender role has shaped the perception that women are more prudent with money and adept at maintaining a household's income at a reasonable level while controlling expenses. This financial management style has been linked to the accumulation of wealth in many families.

2. Financial control is a key aspect of a woman's marital power. Having control of the money is tantamount to having control of the family's financial lifeline, eliminating the concern of the man spending recklessly. This may be the reason why your grandmother was involved and your mother did not allow your father to handle the money.

3. In accordance with the established model, your father never expressed any objections to this matter. It is also possible that your mother was unaware of your father's desire for a certain degree of financial autonomy.

3. Your mother's decision not to allow your father to drink is based on her concern for his health. It is widely understood that alcoholism can have detrimental effects on the body, and your mother also exercises strict control over your father's drinking.

As a result, the questioner can attempt to serve as a mediator in the parent-child relationship.

1. Gain an understanding of the reasons behind your own and your partner's actions and communicate this to each other. This may help to facilitate a discussion with your parents which could lead to a greater understanding, acceptance and care for each other.

2. Some couples have been engaged in a pattern of conflict for an extended period, and they may be unable to adapt to a sudden cessation of arguments. This is an inherent aspect of the dynamics of a marital relationship, and the questioner may not be required to intervene and allow them to continue in this state.

3. The questioner may also benefit from listening to their parents' concerns. If the parents have an outlet to express their emotions, they may also return to a more normal state more quickly. This could potentially create opportunities for parents to reconcile their differences.

4. It would be beneficial for parents to learn to express their attitude towards things, rather than their emotions, in order to facilitate more constructive communication and enhance mutual understanding. One approach could be to write letters or send voice messages.

Best regards,

What a great question!

Hello, my name is Kelly Shui, and I'm here to help!

[A family of three, parents arguing, how should parents' conflicts be handled?]

As we all know, the mother is an important person in a family. A wise mother not only needs to be herself, but also needs to "nurture" a good father. The questioner has written the problem very clearly: the family atmosphere is bad, and it depends on the relationship between husband and wife.

Let's take a closer look at this together.

1: Is your dad an only child?

It's so interesting! It seems like you're part of this family, but your dad married your mom and didn't have any parents.

It would be really helpful for you to find out more about your parents' marriage. Did they marry for love? And why did your grandparents leave?

I'm wondering if Dad had any feelings about his parents leaving.

2. It seems like the mom is in charge of the family's finances and doesn't have any extra money to play with.

It would be great if Mom could manage the family money, especially if Dad is willing!

As a couple, Dad has the right to control his own income. And as a husband, he may also be longing for his wife's understanding and love.

At the same time, you can try to find out more, for example, by chatting with your mother and asking her what the reason behind her wanting to control the money is. I'm sure she'll be happy to chat with you about it!

For example, is she just worried about him drinking too much? Or is she really concerned about his health but doesn't know how to express her concerns better?

It's also a great idea to chat with your mom so you can form your own opinion.

3: It seems like Grandma is involved in the family, so she might have told Mom not to give Dad money.

I'm sure they do!

If Grandma really did say something like that to Mom, you could ask her about it.

I wonder if Grandma is also worried about Dad's health?

Dad might feel like Mom listens to Grandma more than she listens to him, and that she doesn't show him the same respect she shows Grandma.

Oh, no! Did you make Dad feel like an outsider?

I'd love to know what you think about your grandmother!

What are your thoughts on what your father said? You can think about all this for yourself.

[Core family members]

Mom and Dad are retired, Dad loves to drink, and Mom loves to control. Let's imagine what will happen to Dad if a controlling mother continues to control him. I'm sure you'll agree that it's important to look after Dad and make sure he's happy.

Dad trusts you, and he loves you for it!

As the only child of your parents, what do you think you can do to help them change their interaction patterns? (Communication)

My personal advice is this:

1: Be a patient and caring companion. Since mom and dad have had many arguments over the decades, dad is also willing to be "controlled" by mom.

For instance, you could have a chat with your dad about how your mum is concerned about your drinking and its impact on your wellbeing. You could mention that you've been given money to drink more and that your mum is worried about losing you as a healthy person.

Mom's not in the best of health, bless her. I think she'd be really happy if you were all in good shape, so that when she gets older, you can take care of each other in this family.

2: Give your parents a break! They had a tough time when they were young because of their financial situation.

Now that things are looking up, you can gently suggest to your parents that they try something new and good for their health.

For example, you could go for a walk or play sports together after dinner every day.

For instance, you could ask your parents if they had any hobbies when they were younger.

For example, is there anything you've always wanted to do but never got the chance?

Wouldn't it be lovely to go on a yearly trip to a nearby city for the whole family? Maybe just the three of you or just the two of you, but together!

3: You are also a core family member, so you can often invite your parents to chat, and occasionally accompany your father for a drink. Take this opportunity to chat and let your father speak his mind. It's so important to listen to your parents and to let them know you care about them.

Family is a place of love, and when one person in the family changes, it can have a ripple effect on everyone else.

For instance, you can make sure to give your parents a really warm birthday greeting.

For example, why not give your parents some books?

For example, you could take your parents to see a really lovely, heartwarming movie!

For example, if you study psychology, you can read "Developmental Psychology" to understand that different ages and family cycles will undergo changes.

4: You can also seek the help of professional counselors if you think that would be helpful.

I really hope that I can help you, just as I know there are lots of other teachers here who will be happy to give you advice too.

I just wanted to say, congratulations on your family's happiness!

And I love you, too!

Good day, question asker.

After careful review of the question, it is evident that the relationship between family members is a sensitive and complex issue.

It is often challenging to determine the right course of action in such circumstances, and providing clear and specific advice is also difficult.

I will endeavor to provide an analysis and recommendations as follows:

It is challenging to maintain tolerance and understanding without compromising.

The family situation described by the questioner, such as "my mother is in charge of everything and my father doesn't have any say," "which has caused a lot of resentment in my father," and "my mother is not in good health, has a strong desire to control, and loves to nag my father about drinking," etc.

This is due to a lack of effective communication and conflict resolution skills on the part of both parents. They were unable to find common ground, recognize each other's strengths, or address differences in a constructive manner. Instead, they focused on each other's shortcomings and engaged in criticism and attacks.

The unhappiness in their own lives is a personal issue for your parents.

It is important to note that the questioner's upbringing in this environment will have an impact on their overall well-being and happiness.

[Family members have a vague sense of boundaries]

The questioner provides a detailed account of the issue, citing examples such as "my mother retains control of the household finances, and my father has minimal involvement in financial matters," "my father responds aggressively when my mother raises her voice," and "my grandmother is involved in preventing my mother from providing him with money."

From a psychological standpoint, this indicates that there is a lack of clarity regarding the boundaries between family members. They are inclined to become involved in each other's judgments, which often leads to significant challenges and conflicts in daily life.

Breakthrough from a sense of trust

It is often the case that conflicts and struggles between family members and couples reflect a lack of trust in human nature.

Due to a lack of mutual support and understanding, conflicts and disagreements arise between your mother and father.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner, as a junior, consider ways and techniques to build trust in each other. This should be done in a way that starts with a clear sense of boundaries, a little bit of understanding, and gradually accepting and accommodating each other.

In conclusion, the establishment of trust is the primary solution to the issue at hand.

[Goodness can restore confidence through affirmation]

As a junior, the questioner can also gain a proper understanding of how couples interact, which will be beneficial for improving overall perception and for the new family in the future.

For instance, it would be beneficial for both spouses in a family to encourage and praise each other more. Research has shown that a ratio of five positive comments to one negative comment can help to maintain a healthy and active relationship between couples.

It is advisable to offer praise before making any criticism.

Furthermore, interpersonal conflicts are frequently precipitated by inconsequential issues. When confronted with such matters, it is often advisable to maintain a degree of flexibility and concede without resorting to a dispute over who is right or wrong.

Additionally, you can learn to say some comforting, witty, and funny things to promptly and effectively ease or even dissolve a tense atmosphere.

We hope that the above will be of some assistance to you.

Hello, my name is Jialan.

I appreciate your words and I'm sending you a big hug and a like in return.

As a child, you may have hoped that your parents could stay together harmoniously for the rest of their lives. However, as the one in the middle, you may find it challenging to see the situation clearly.

Over the past 20 years, the parents' mode of getting along with each other has become somewhat fixed due to a lack of external and internal adjustments and shocks. However, it is still possible to change and adjust. People can change; it's just a matter of determining whether the methods are effective or not.

First, we should address the recent incident that occurred. Given its recent nature, it may be more straightforward to elicit and address each other's genuine feelings.

It would be beneficial to make an agreement with your parents in advance to only express your feelings and thoughts. Perhaps you could sit down together, and after your father has expressed his feelings and thoughts, without making any comments about the family, he could express his expectations of the family. Then your mother could express hers.

It would be beneficial to take notes and provide feedback throughout the process, as well as manage the atmosphere.

If I may suggest, after each person has expressed themselves, we could perhaps guide mum and dad to apologize to each other for the parts of their behavior that were not right, and discuss how they can achieve their goals together. Given the long-term nature of these habits, it is understandable that things cannot be dealt with perfectly at once. Perhaps we could consider addressing them little by little.

You might also consider suggesting to each other any behavioral habits that could be adjusted or improved at this time, one by one, gradually. It might also be helpful to note how the other person could kindly remind us if we find ourselves reverting to our old ways.

Ultimately, it is important to remember to express our love and good intentions behind our parents' actions, as this can help foster a more harmonious and happy family environment. Best of luck!

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy New Year and good health.