A friend fell in an unreliable relationship. I told her off, and she held a grudge and isolated me. I was disappointed.

You have been through at least one stage of your life with friends, and you can use them as a mirror to improve yourself. In your relationship, you can see your own patterns and the patterns of your interactions with friends, and thus achieve self-growth.

As in your situation, you identified the issue through reflection and review (this is "awareness"): interfering in her relationship. It's essential for people to maintain a sense of "boundary" with each other, and this is also crucial between couples, parents and children.

In life, there are often situations where "good intentions lead to bad results." If you can't stand to see her suffer, it's because you care about her and don't want her to suffer or get taken advantage of. This is a good intention. However, people are all concerned about their reputation and want to protect their self-esteem.

People in love are emotional. They pursue romance and show their girlish hearts.

Let's say, for example, that she was immersed in her own beautiful dream, and you woke her up, spoiling her good dream. We don't dwell on this. Instead, we see what has happened and find resources that are useful to us, to draw on in future relationships.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. I love you, and I hope the world will love you too.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, question asker.

It is challenging to provide guidance on your relationship with your friend in such a limited space. Nevertheless, I hope my answer can offer some insights to accompany you in exploring possibilities when you feel disappointed.

It's also important to set boundaries in close relationships.

It must be a difficult and sad situation for you when friends who have been close for many years become estranged, especially if you have invested a lot of enthusiasm and care in this close relationship. From the description in the text, it can be seen that you are a warm-hearted person who cares a lot about this friend. Perhaps it is because you care about her so much that sometimes it seems as if you treat "her affairs" as if they were "your own affairs."

For instance, if you feel her romantic relationship is not as solid as it could be, you might gently point out the issue. Or if she forgets the birthdays of her friends and you kindly remind her, but she doesn't seem to take the hint, you could help her explain to her friends that "she just forgot." In fact, even in the most intimate relationships, each person needs their own independent boundaries and space. unilateral attempts to do the other person "good" may not always be well-received. Just as in many parent-child relationships, mothers say they are doing what is best for their children, but the children don't always appreciate it.

Friends are there for each other, offering support and understanding.

From what I can gather from your text, it seems that you value your friendship with this friend very highly. After a significant disagreement, you took the initiative to apologise to her, despite her initially treating you with indifference. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, you might like to try to imagine what your friend was thinking at that time from her perspective.

Perhaps she is going through a phase where she is seeing her boyfriend's perspective on their relationship. It seems like she thinks her boyfriend is perfect, but the people around her may not have the same view. Maybe someone has already told her that, and then even you, her good friend, came out against it. She may feel hurt and confused, wondering why everyone isn't supporting her. These feelings are understandable. You mentioned that she is "sensitive and holds a grudge," but it's possible that she is genuinely hurt.

Although you apologized, it seems the misunderstanding between you has not been resolved. Perhaps you apologized for saying "I shouldn't have said that," but it's possible she was really seeking your blessing. Sisters!

[It would be beneficial to communicate honestly in order to avoid any future regrets.]

While the article suggests that you've seen it all and that you no longer want to be friends with her, it seems that you're still feeling sad. Regardless of what happens with your friendship, I believe it's important to communicate with her again honestly.

Perhaps you could find a place where the two of you can talk alone, express your true feelings, and listen to her thoughts and feelings as well. You have had many shared memories over the years, and even if you let go, it might be worthwhile to say goodbye together. And, who knows, perhaps a fresh start to the friendship is not impossible.

In short, it would be beneficial to communicate your feelings and thoughts openly and honestly, without any regrets.

I hope the original poster will be able to find a way to stop obsessing and start enjoying every day.

I hope the original poster will find it in themselves to stop dwelling on it and enjoy every day.

Good day, My name is Jia Ao, and I am not seeking any particular outcome.

I have carefully read your statements and concerns on the platform. Is it because you had an unfavorable experience with a colleague? Because your colleague had an unreliable relationship, you spoke to her for her own benefit, and then you had a significant disagreement. Even though you apologized, she has been unresponsive to you. You feel that she is sensitive and unforgiving and is unwilling to forgive you. She also isolates herself from you in every way. This makes you feel very uncomfortable. Although you want to maintain this relationship, you are also very helpless and hurt. What should you do?

From the above description, it is evident that you still attach great importance to this friend. Otherwise, you would not have gone to such lengths for her. Despite knowing that she would be angry and turn against you, you still did it. This shows that you consider her a true friend. However, she may be angry and refuse to accept whatever you say or do. She is not willing to listen to anything and is not open to accepting your apology. As a result, both of you are facing difficulties, and you still have to find a way to resolve the issues between you.

You have indicated that you have friends, but they are beginning to exclude you from their social circle. What action should you take?

☆Just chat with you:

1. [Maintain composure and act rationally]

If you consider her a friend, I believe the situation can be resolved. She is currently angry, so allow her time to calm down and think. Is her relationship reliable?

Allow her the necessary time and space to process this information independently, and refrain from taking any hasty actions that may prove regrettable.

As an outsider, you have identified a problematic situation. However, it is important to note that the individual in question must process this information independently. Their strong reaction is likely due to their significant investment in the relationship. Even if the outcome is unfavorable, they will eventually have to confront the reality of the situation. If you are willing to maintain a friendship with this individual, they may eventually reconsider their stance. In the meantime, it is essential to remain patient and allow them the space to process the information.

2. [Love yourself well]

Once she recognizes her own mistake, she will return to you. It is advisable to let it go. You can then apologize to her sincerely and suggest a date to go shopping and eat something delicious. This will help you both move on from the previous disagreement. However, if she still holds a grudge and continues to isolate and exclude you, it may be best to let her do so.

Going forward, it is advisable to maintain a certain distance from the individual in question, avoid becoming emotionally invested, and focus on self-care.

3. [Maintain a sense of boundaries]

It is also important to maintain boundaries and distance when working with colleagues. If you are aware that she is sensitive and holds a grudge, communicate with her in a way that she can accept in the future. Do not attempt to control her thoughts in the manner you prefer. There may be significant differences between your perceptions and hers. What if you are mistaken?

It is important to remember that everyone has their own thoughts and opinions, and that we do not have the right to interfere. We can, however, provide suggestions and references to assist in the decision-making process. It is not our place to dictate the outcome; our role is simply to offer guidance. This approach can help to reduce unnecessary conflicts and improve communication between parties. I hope this information is useful to you and that it helps to facilitate a quick resolution to any misunderstandings.

I hope this information is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

Hi there,

I'm happy to share the story of the questioner. I like the questioner's open and straightforward personality. Someone with that personality must be great to have around. It's just that the long-time friend didn't recognize the questioner's bright spots. Because she had an unsatisfactory relationship herself, she was depressed and "migrated" her anger to the questioner.

My friend has had an unreliable experience in a relationship. She's holding a grudge and even isolated me. How should I handle this?

My friend had an unreliable relationship before, so I couldn't watch it anymore and told her off. That caused her to have a big fight with me. After that, I apologized to her, and she said it was fine, but she kept ignoring me. I know she is sensitive and holds a grudge, so I don't think she will forgive me.

I tried to keep our friendship going for a while, but I found that she deliberately cut me off from other friends.

It's not common to realize this right away when a friend is going through a rough patch and to jump in and offer help and advice. The friend's initial intention is to help the friend "get out of the suffering."

But are all well-intentioned actions guaranteed to have a positive outcome?

If the answer is "yes," I truly believe the world would be a much more tolerant place. When we're dealing with things, we need to consider not just the objective conditions but also the other person's feelings. When our "good intentions" meet the other person's "lack of understanding," it's like a perfectly intact key meeting the wrong "lock." No matter how hard we try, we may not be able to open it.

The friend's approach of "doing the opposite" also shows that the sincere advice of the friend hasn't been accepted. There could be many reasons for this, but the biggest one might be that she doesn't fully understand the direction and principles for dealing with the problem. That is, her perception may not be mature enough, so she can't understand and accept the friend's sincere advice. The second reason might be that she doesn't see the friend as a friend and understand this matter. Because they're both women, when the relationship doesn't develop healthily, she's likely to see the friend as the one who ended the relationship because she doesn't want to admit that it's her own failure. At the same time, she can't truly accept the growth process in the relationship.

So, when a friend is in a tough spot, they're really in a bind. It all depends on their friend's open-mindedness and willingness to accept. But, there are times when friends who can't be separated by an argument are the real friends.

After seeing the "true nature" of friends, I was pretty disappointed. How should I handle it?

First, accept your own personality. The questioner has excellent qualities that are well worth encouraging and praising. All of his actions are based on kindness. He helps friends cut off unreliable relationships and promptly reminds them not to forget birthdays. He does this in a way that protects the other person's interests. This is something few people can do. Therefore, you must learn to accept your own personality. Accept the other shortcomings that come with personality conflicts and balance your own feelings.

From this perspective, as long as the questioner knows how to accept and grow themselves, and not be impatient in times of trouble, they'll be able to embrace all kinds of people and not be affected by negative emotions.

Secondly, to have a healthy friendship, you need to do your part and help the other person take responsibility for their own problems.

From what the topic author says about how they get along with friends recently, it seems like their friend avoids responsibility. This might be because of their weak personality or because they didn't get the guidance they needed when they were younger. If they didn't get guidance when they needed it, it can lead to a personality that avoids responsibility. Then, when the topic author's personality meets someone who avoids responsibility, it's easy to think that the other person needs help. If they step in and handle things, it might not go well and they'll be blamed.

So, our advice in psychology is not to "cross the line" when it comes to dealing with things. If you want to help, you can ask the other person for their opinion. If you "go your own way" without asking for their opinion, then you'll need to be prepared to take responsibility.

The best way to get along with each other is to respect each other's wishes and offer objective suggestions instead of making decisions for them.

And finally, don't forget to keep your original intentions and always hold onto hope for positive and sunny relationships.

Modern people feel more anxiety than their ancestors because they lack the strength to be fully understood and supported. This leads to distorted ideas and conflicts in relationships, and a sense that the other party cannot understand them. When relationships are filtered, it's even more difficult to develop healthily. We can therefore say that people are a lonely and free group.

That said, it's still important to keep an optimistic outlook. We should believe that people can overcome misunderstandings and uncertainty through their own efforts and find their inner strength. This hope is still relevant in friendships, because living a good life is a great way to treat yourself.

Suggestion: First, the questioner should find out why the friend keeps betraying him. If the friend is young and doesn't know any better and is afraid that what happened will make the questioner look down on him, the questioner can choose to forgive or not. Afterwards, the questioner will feel relieved and at ease, with less blame and more open-mindedness.

Wishing you the best!

Hello. I can tell from your description that you're feeling frustrated, angry, and disappointed.

You think your friend is in a bad relationship and want to persuade her to change it, but she doesn't appreciate your good intentions and has a big fight with you about it.

Even though you're not sure what you did wrong, you apologize and try to keep the friendship intact.

However, you know she's a sensitive person who holds a grudge.

This is particularly the case if you feel she is working with others to cut you out, ignoring you, and giving away the birthday present you wanted to buy in advance. You feel angry and disappointed inside, is this right?

Everyone has the right to make their own choices.

Every adult is in charge of their own life and has the right to make their own choices. As outsiders, especially close friends, we should believe in and respect them.

As a close friend, you can give friendly reminders or discuss with your friend when she brings up the topic on her own, and share your thoughts.

At the end of the day, it's up to each of us to make our own decisions and choices.

We should all try to respect each other's boundaries and not get involved in each other's lives too much or too casually.

Don't judge or measure others based on your own perceptions.

Ultimately, only the person involved can decide whether their partner is reliable. After all, they're the one who spends the most time with them.

As an outsider, you can't easily pass judgment on someone else's relationship based on your guesses, experiences, and perceptions.

We all have our limits, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer. So, let's not be quick to judge others, and remember that we can't be responsible for other people's lives.

Find an opportunity to have a good talk with your friend.

If you think your friend is sensitive and unforgiving and hasn't truly forgiven you, can you show a little generosity?

It's a good idea to take the initiative and find an opportunity to have a good talk. Ask with curiosity what happened and listen to your friend's thoughts.

Sincere face-to-face conversation can help clear up misunderstandings and bring you and your friend back together.

Your guesses and evaluations of your friend don't tell you what kind of person they are. They just show you what you really think about them.

It's easy to blame others, but it's harder to recognize our own shortcomings.

Knowing yourself is key to living easily and having great relationships.

Wishing you the best!