A junior college girl doesn't want to go home and is feeling very anxious. What should she do?

Good day, my name is Flower.

The questioner's evident anxiety about whether to return home for the holidays is likely a result of a complex interplay of factors. On the one hand, the questioner may feel a strong need to reconnect with their family after a prolonged absence. However, on the other hand, they may anticipate encountering a range of challenging emotions from their family upon their return. It is probable that many college students share similar concerns. It may, therefore, be helpful to explore strategies for effectively navigating these challenges.

It is important to be aware of the underlying thoughts that contribute to the development of anxiety.

"I am a third-year university student. I have completed my final examinations and commenced the summer vacation, yet I am reluctant to return home. I am experiencing anxiety, respiratory difficulty, and tachycardia. What is the recommended course of action?"

In instances of anxiety, deep abdominal breathing can be an effective method for calming the body and mind. Additionally, meditation has been shown to be an effective technique for reducing stress and anxiety.

It is, indeed, a cause for concern to determine whether to return home or not. If one chooses not to return home, there is a possibility that one's family may express their disapproval. Conversely, if one does return home, there is a likelihood of encountering significant challenges. In addition to the decision of whether to return home, it is essential to identify other sources of anxiety.

In the near future, you will be entering your fourth year of university. What are your future plans? Will you be undertaking an internship, searching for employment, sitting a postgraduate examination, or pursuing other avenues? Will your return home impinge upon these plans, leaving you with insufficient time to accomplish them all?

Alternatively, anxiety may be experienced due to a perceived inability to engage in self-directed activities at home with a sense of inner calm. A useful approach may be to document the specific sources of distress, with the aim of identifying potential solutions.

From an alternative perspective, the opportunity to be independent at home is also beneficial.

"When I was a first-year student, I was eager to return home, but on each occasion, my parents would misremember the time of my return, necessitating that I prepare my own meals."

From these words, I experienced a sense of disorientation. The anticipated return home was supposed to be a joyful event, and I had hoped that my parents would spend more time with me and that we could enjoy hot meals that they had prepared. However, it appeared that after returning home, these expectations were not fulfilled. Instead, I was compelled to assume responsibility for my own care. If I were in the same situation, I would likely have experienced a similar sense of frustration.

It is possible that my parents believe that we have matured to the point where we can manage our own affairs and that we must learn to do so. As a result, they are allowing us to become independent.

I also experienced a period of solitude during my final year of college. I prepared meals for myself at home. Despite the challenges of cooking for one individual, I endeavored to create a diverse range of dishes. I prepared various types of noodles, including plain noodles, noodles with tomatoes and eggs, noodles in bone broth, fried noodles, spicy noodles, and braised noodles. Additionally, I visited a supermarket to gain knowledge about different vegetables and meats. This process led me to discover that I did not prefer the texture of chicken breast and that pork ribs were more flavorful than pork shoulder ribs. I also attempted to make some desserts. When I was not inclined to cook, I would have dinner at my neighbor's house. In retrospect, I consider myself to have been highly proficient at that time, capable of preparing a multitude of delicious meals independently.

The topic of separation may prove an effective means of alleviating inner conflicts.

The subject reports that his mother is consistently making demands that he deems unreasonable, forcing him to perform tasks he is unwilling to do and becoming visibly upset when he refuses.

Prior to recent events, my father had been relatively taciturn. However, due to the fact that my mother has been consistently making unreasonable accusations and scolding him, he has also become irritable in recent years.

My sister has recently encountered challenges such as unemployment and a potential forced marriage, which has led to feelings of being overwhelmed and imbued with negative energy.

"I am already experiencing feelings of annoyance when I interact with my mother, and it will be challenging for me to cope in the near future. I am uncertain about the most appropriate course of action."

In light of the questioner's mention of his mother, father, and sister, it may be beneficial to consider detachment. Their affairs are their own, and their challenges and growth are experienced solely by them. This is not a matter for us to concern ourselves with.

As family members, we can provide emotional support and solace to those in need, while simultaneously maintaining a psychological distance from the situation. I recommend the book "Be Willing to Let the People You Love Suffer" by Zhang Defen as a valuable resource for understanding this concept.

An additional possibility is that we have truly matured. During our formative years, we consistently perceived our mother as benevolent, our father as encouraging, and our sister as exemplary. We were largely insulated from significant concerns due to the nurturing environment within our family.

As we mature, we begin to comprehend the nuances of disappointment, both minor and significant, that inevitably arise in life. We tend to fret over these disappointments and strive to resolve them, yet we often realize our limitations in doing so. We observe our parents navigating their relationships and encountering moments of frustration and irrationality, which often challenge our preconceived notions about their interactions. This can lead to feelings of disappointment and confusion, prompting us to question the nature of home and our expectations for it.

It is understandable that these changes may be challenging to accept. However, it is important to recognize that this is likely a natural phase of growth and development. It may be helpful to view this period as an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of the nuances of life, including the seemingly mundane tasks of cooking and cleaning, the evolving dynamics of family interactions, and the capacity to adapt and evolve in the face of change.

It is important to care for one's emotional well-being and to be mindful of one's life circumstances.

"I am typically in a positive frame of mind prior to returning home, but upon interacting with my family, I often find myself experiencing a sense of regret for having gone home. This pattern has been consistent throughout my life, as evidenced by my experience during the previous holiday. I initially sought refuge at school for several days, but when I could no longer tolerate the anxiety, I returned home. However, within two days, I regretted this decision due to the influence of my family.

I am uncertain as to whether I should continue to conceal my emotions at school or return home. Remaining at school is also a highly stressful and challenging experience, yet returning home seems equally problematic.

"

The poster's evident regret upon returning home suggests a desire to remain at school. It is therefore worth considering whether the same feelings would have been experienced had the poster remained at school.

As we mature, we tend to become increasingly independent from our parents. However, we also desire their love and affection. It is important to note that we have the capacity to regulate our own emotional and physical distance from our parents.

One may choose to remain at school and avoid familial interactions during the summer months, or alternatively, one may opt to return home for a brief period of one or two weeks, subsequently seeking an excuse to resume one's studies in order to circumvent the emotional turbulence associated with prolonged contact. Furthermore, it is imperative to determine one's own values and aspirations regarding life and future endeavours.

It is recommended that you attempt this approach, focus on yourself, and there may be a reduction in physical and psychological distance, which may result in an improvement in your emotional state. It is important to remember to care for your emotions.

It is my hope that the aforementioned responses prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question, and that you find success in your endeavors.

After reviewing the material, it is reasonable to conclude that the individual in question experiences significant anxiety about returning home.

The individual inquiring is a junior college student, so I assume that your parents are both over 45 years old and may be experiencing a "midlife crisis."

"Midlife crisis": There are numerous external and internal factors that require adaptation, and they often occur simultaneously. Most individuals are unable to cope with this transition.

From an external perspective, there are several factors at play. The elderly are living longer and require care, both physically and mentally. The younger generation must demonstrate greater tolerance, particularly in financial and emotional matters. In the workplace, individuals may find themselves at the peak of their careers, bearing significant responsibilities while facing an inevitable decline. Alternatively, they may be facing the risk of elimination and relegation to the sidelines. On a physical level, individuals may experience a depletion of energy and the onset of minor health issues.

From an internal perspective, a series of external changes and pressures have, on the one hand, led to a sense of diminished worth and power, while on the other hand, they are expected to demonstrate strength and resilience, as the future of the entire family appears to hinge on the middle-aged.

Therefore, individuals of a certain age who are subjected to a number of different pressures may find themselves displaying a change in their usual character.

As a freshman, I was eager to return home. However, due to my parents' inability to recall my scheduled visits, I was compelled to prepare my own meals.

My mother frequently makes unreasonable demands and pressures me to comply with her requests, even when I am unwilling to do so. She becomes visibly upset when I decline.

My father was previously more reserved, but his demeanor has become increasingly irritable in recent years due to my mother's frequent displays of unreasonable behavior and criticism.

My sister is currently experiencing difficulties, including unemployment and a forced marriage.

It is possible that the questioner subconsciously expects his mother to take care of him at home, for example by cooking for him, just as she used to do when he was a child. However, the reality is that his mother is treating him like an adult, for example by asking him to take on some of the responsibilities and duties for the family.

It may be the case that the questioner has not yet recognised that she has reached an age where she is expected to take on some adult responsibilities.

My sister is currently facing a number of challenges, including unemployment, marriage, and a series of potential issues that may arise as a result. These circumstances are not only overwhelming for my sister but also cause concern for my parents.

In the face of mounting pressure, the mother may perceive her own powerlessness. The questioner, who has recently reached adulthood and is brimming with energy, may emerge as the sole source of support within the family. Consequently, the mother may unintentionally encourage you to take action, thereby sharing some of the burden for her and for the family.

The statement "I was always happy before I went home" indicates that the family atmosphere was previously positive. Otherwise, the questioner would not have perceived going home as a positive experience.

"Then I was negatively affected by the family, and then I regretted why I went home." Through the above analysis, perhaps the questioner understands that it is not someone in the family who wants to negatively affect your mood, but the whole family presenting a real family situation to you.

As a member of this family, it is crucial for you to grasp the current state of affairs. There is no benefit in glossing over the situation. Such an approach would be detrimental to all parties involved.

"I am unsure whether I should continue concealing myself at school or return home. Remaining at school is also highly distressing and challenging, yet returning home appears to present its own difficulties.

It is understandable that the questioner would feel this way, given the lack of energy and ability to address family changes, family conflicts, and the inability to resolve these issues.

While avoiding conflict by remaining at school may be a viable option, it is also a decision that comes with significant personal costs. The pull of family ties is strong, and it can be difficult to ignore.

In the event that the questioner is unable to identify a third option, I would recommend that they return home and provide support to their family. This is an experience that every family member should have.

I hope my reply has been helpful and that I have provided you with some useful advice. Best regards,

It can be challenging to navigate the conflicting emotions that arise when you're trying to balance the demands of home and school. It's understandable that you might feel anxious about going home or being at school. It's a complex situation, and it's not always easy to find solutions. I'm here to support you as you reflect on this dilemma and explore ways to navigate it.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the cycle.

It is not uncommon to find oneself in a situation where one goes home, experiences a sense of disappointment, and then returns to school. This can lead to feelings of anxiety about going home again.

Given the rhythm of university life, it is perhaps inevitable that this kind of cycle will occur. In the past, I went home with expectations, but now, in my third year, I have begun to feel a certain anxiety about going home. This anxiety stems from the fact that I have many expectations for my family that I feel I cannot fulfil, and I am afraid of not being able to satisfy them.

Perhaps there is more to be said on this topic.

I believe there is an important point to consider. You mentioned that you experience anxiety at school and a sense of longing to return home. While you haven't explicitly shared the reasons behind your anxiety, the above cycle offers rich descriptions of home life but not of your school experience. This creates a gap in your narrative that makes you anxious about not going home. We respectfully propose that this gap represents an opportunity for you to explore and discover. In the past, you have focused on the challenges at home, but now it's time to shift your attention to school life and identify any potential opportunities, resources, and strengths that you may have overlooked.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider ways of breaking this cycle.

If the cycle described above has continued for so long, it is likely that you have formed a number of emotional expectations of home. Even if these expectations are repeatedly dashed, you may still feel inclined to try again and go back once more. Could I suggest that you consider ways of breaking this cycle, of going back again and again with high expectations and leaving again and again with disappointment? It is often the case that a person's growth is a gradual process of detachment from family. If the motivation to leave home is strong enough, it may turn the cycle into a set of diminishing waves. The influence of home on us will always be there, but the intensity of the influence will become less and less.

As previously noted, your campus life offers a great deal of space for personal growth and development. By dedicating more of your emotional energy to campus life, you may find that you become less eager to return home and more resilient in the face of challenges there.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider rebuilding.

If you feel unhappy at home or at school, you might like to consider building another world. This could be a skill, a career, a hobby, or anything else that you feel passionate about. It's always worth exploring beyond the two points of home and school. There is so much more out there to discover. Home is where you come from, and school is just a transit station. You will have more transit stations and a place for your heart to return to.

Hello! (Gently hug you.)

Your anxiety comes from your family. You feel uncomfortable and want to escape.

"Every time Mum and Dad forgot you were coming home for the holidays," you were able to take care of yourself. Were you always a "reassuring child"? You always pretended to be strong, but you really wanted the care and attention of your family.

Your mom is distracted and angry. Your dad is grumpy. Your sister is worried and in a bad mood. This family situation is not what you expected, and you are disappointed. This is your true feeling, and you can feel sad about it. It's not your fault.

You want to be home but worry about them. You are tired of having to put up with their bad moods.

Let's work through this together.

What do you want from your family?

Are your family relationships the same now as when you were a child?

How did you cope?

Have you tried anything that worked?

An invalid pause can be continued if it is valid.

Make yourself comfortable first.

You are upset and stubborn. You must take care of yourself before you can deal with the outside world.

Everyone should fight for themselves, including your family. Everyone looks outside for love, and if everyone is lacking love, how can they love others?

If you want to help your family, take care of yourself first. This is not selfish; it's self-love.

You are loved and important.

Love

Hello. I am a heart coach. I will accompany you with warmth and listen to your story with true feelings.

My dear, I can sense your confusion and conflicting emotions. Summer vacation is here, and most of your classmates have gone home. You want to go home too, but your family relationships (the way your parents get along/your mother's attitude toward you/your sister's low mood), and the overall atmosphere in the house, make you feel very nervous. Especially after the breakdown you experienced last time you went home for vacation, you don't want to go home at all.

You can't hide out and not go home. Staying home alone in your dorm or at school is very lonely. What can you do?

Let's tackle the problem head-on, starting with a warm hug.

Your internal conflict is a kind of internal friction that constantly consumes your energy.

Internal conflict arises when a person's "should be" (I should go home during the holidays) and their "is" (home makes me feel overwhelmed, I don't want to go home) are in opposition.

"The problem is not the problem, but how to deal with it." Stress is not the problem, but how to deal with it is.

You feel anxious because of how your family members interact with each other. You want your parents to care for you and support you emotionally.

You haven't seen each other for a whole summer, and the family can get along warmly and harmoniously, allowing you to find the warmth of home and feel the love of your family for you.

Everyone has their own patterns, and they bring these patterns into their various relationships. For example, there is Mom's "whining," her "interference" and "control" over you, Dad's past avoidance/escape and his present rebellion, and you and your sister, who grew up in this family upbringing pattern, with your sister being "forced into marriage" and you being "controlled" by Mom and wanting to escape.

These patterns have formed to protect us in the past and have therefore become fixed.

When you recognize your own patterns and the patterns of your interactions with each other, you have the power to choose and the right to change.

For example, just like a pendulum, if you strengthen it, it weakens, and if you weaken it, it strengthens. The same applies to interactions between people. We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves. When we make changes, the other person will naturally have to make changes in order to adapt to our changes.

Your mother controls you because you've done something to provoke her. When you change, she'll change to adapt to you.

2. Growth inevitably evokes a range of emotions.

Everyone has their own life issues, such as marriage, spousal relationships, and patterns of coexistence. These are all life issues that belong to their parents and must be resolved by them.

Your mother's dissatisfaction with your father and her marriage, as well as the various emotions that arise, can hurt you and your sister for no reason. You must see things from your mother's perspective. She may not know how to express her emotions or show you true love.

It is crucial to distinguish between the identity of the parents and their actions. While the parents' love is present, they lack the understanding of how to love their children or themselves. This is likely due to a lack of guidance from their own parents.

You must separate yourself from your parents' issues. You have your own life issues to deal with. From this relationship with your parents, identify the important issues in your life and work on them seriously. It may be "understanding/acceptance" or "gratitude."

The first person to "walk away" from the family is often the one who can change the fate of the family/clan. Emotions have energy. You can see your emotions and the need for satisfaction behind them, as well as your patterns, through your awareness.

Use what you have learned to achieve "redemption" among family members. You can do it. Learn some psychology, for example.

You don't have to go home this summer. There are plenty of other ways to have fun. You can soak up the atmosphere in the library, catch up on novels or brush up on your expertise, take part in social practice activities, and make plans to travel with your classmates.

Treat problems as problems, and they will be. Treat problems as resources and advantages, and you will find many resources that will benefit you.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. And I love you, the world, and myself.

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From what I have heard, it seems that your home environment is not as supportive as you had hoped. I am here to offer you a hug and to listen to you. It is said that home is a warm harbor, but from your description, you went from being very enthusiastic about going home at the beginning to resisting now. It seems that your parents have not paid much attention to everything about you since when, and they don't even know when you go home. That's not the most important thing, though. The biggest reason is that going home makes you feel very anxious, you can't breathe, and your heart beats fast.

It seems that there might be room for improvement in the questioner's relationship with her mother. It's possible that her mother's behavior is influenced by menopause, which can cause mood swings. It's also important to note that the mother's actions are affecting the questioner's ability to make her own decisions.

It is not uncommon for women to experience irritability during certain periods, such as before menstruation, during pregnancy when they feel unwell, and menopause. Menopause can also be a reminder for women to accept that they are getting older. If the mother is going through menopause, it may be helpful to be more tolerant and understanding of her, while also considering making some adjustments to the usual way of getting along with her.

A junior college girl is reluctant to return home and is feeling rather anxious. What would be the best course of action for her?

I wonder if there might be other options.

It seems that everyone in the family is dealing with their own emotional challenges, which may contribute to the questioner's perception of the family as a source of negative feelings. It's also understandable that family members can influence one another's emotions, especially when they're together. While spending the summer at school might be an option, it's not one that the questioner is particularly enthusiastic about.

Could I inquire as to whether there might be any other options besides these two places? Given that the questioner is a junior college student approaching the stage of internship, might it be possible for him to use the summer vacation to get a summer job?

The questioner is already an adult and can plan for their future and goals. Working a summer job might also be a good way to prevent staying at home or at school for too long. The questioner can also choose to live at home for a few days and at school for a few days within their own acceptable range.

It might also be helpful to consider that spending time away from home and family members can be a good way to gain a fresh perspective and avoid becoming too focused on the challenges you may face. Additionally, engaging with people outside your immediate circle while working can provide valuable opportunities to gain knowledge and experience that might not be accessible in a more structured setting.

It might be helpful to look for suitable opportunities to communicate more with your parents.

From what you've shared about your family, it seems there are a lot of challenges and negative emotions present. It's possible that your mother's attitude towards you is a contributing factor. It's natural to hope for a harmonious family where everyone can communicate and laugh together, rather than facing frequent conflict.

It is therefore important for the family to be united. My sister is facing unemployment and forced marriage, which is understandably causing her a great deal of distress. If she loses her job and has to find another one, and if she is forced to marry, she may make a decision that is not in her best interests emotionally. Parents always have a reason to say that they are doing what is best for their children and arranging everything for them. However, we are all independent individuals with our own thoughts and choices. If parents cannot do a good job of separating from their children, it may have a negative impact on the parent-child relationship.

It might be helpful to imagine that the people in your family rarely sit down together and chat amicably for a while. Since the objects of your emotions all come from the questioner, her sister, and father, it would be beneficial for them to be of one mind first, so that your mother knows your attitude and that you don't have to put up with her strong-handed treatment.

When the mother's emotions are relatively stable, it might be helpful to sit down and chat with her. You could ask her why she can't help being so grumpy. Instead of using a tone of accusation, you could listen to her thoughts and pressures. You might like to let her know that you are a family that can discuss things. You could also let her know that you like a mode of getting along that allows communication. This is in contrast to a mode of getting along that forces you to accept things and not express your own thoughts. Once the mother realizes how much harm her temper has done to the family, she might be more open to making improvements with your company.

It might be helpful to find ways to relieve your anxiety.

From what you've shared, it seems that you may be experiencing some anxiety. It's not uncommon for people to feel this way when they feel like they're unable to control a situation or when they find themselves dwelling on potential outcomes. It's natural to have concerns about the future, but it's important to recognize that these feelings don't necessarily reflect reality. In my experience, anxiety often stems from a sense of being unable to control one's circumstances. This can manifest in various ways, including a tendency to overthink situations or anticipate negative outcomes. It's also common for anxiety to be influenced by our upbringing. If you've experienced parental anxiety, it's possible that you may have picked up some of those patterns.

Sometimes, the things we face may not be as serious as we initially perceive them to be. It can be beneficial to consider changing our mindset in such instances. This allows us to view the same problem from a different perspective and explore alternative solutions. Individuals with cheerful personalities and positive attitudes often find it easier to connect with others. As the saying goes, "Those who associate with reds will become red, and those who associate with blacks will become black." Our interactions with different kinds of people can also influence our mindset. A person's character can be shaped by their environment and the people around them. It's important to recognize that we all have the potential to grow and evolve.

I would like to suggest a book to the questioner, entitled Anxiety Self-Help Manual. It provides detailed information about the various types of anxiety and offers guidance on how to address and overcome them effectively. When we experience emotions, it's important to acknowledge them rather than avoiding them, as they often require attention and understanding. The book emphasizes the value of understanding and acceptance as key principles in managing anxiety. By facing the emotions triggered by challenges and embracing anxiety, we can cultivate the courage and resilience to overcome it.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

Good morning, host!

From reading your descriptions, I can sense your apprehension and dislike of returning home.

I hope you can accept this gesture of support and understanding from afar. I understand that this gesture may not fully address the challenges you are facing, but I sincerely hope that you can feel the warmth and support in this space.

It can be challenging to find warmth and meaning in a home that is also a source of worry, especially when faced with the responsibilities and demands of your parents, as well as the difficulties of your parents' lives, such as a midlife crisis, job insecurity, or an older sister facing forced marriage.

This state of not wanting to face it, not being able to do anything about it, and avoiding it! Every day is a challenge for us.

As the holidays approach and the date of returning home draws near, it's natural to feel this feeling intensify. If we persist in dwelling in this state of mind, it can feel like being stuck in a quagmire, unable to find a way out. I'm curious to know how you handled these situations in the past.

Perhaps we could take a moment to consider some ways to calm ourselves.

In such moments, it can be helpful to take a few deep breaths to help calm and soothe yourself.

2. It might be helpful to make a distinction between the wedding of your family members and your own status as a family member. You are your own status. Although you are family, you have many differences. You can choose to be positive and full of positive energy, you can choose to be sunny and happy, and you can even choose to infect them with your positive attitude.

3. It may be helpful to try to accept your own bad moods, as well as those of your family members. We may sometimes feel frustrated or misunderstood in our relationships, but it's important to remember that everyone has their own unique circumstances and perspectives.

4. It might be helpful to set a long-term plan and a short-term goal for yourself. This could help you find more courage and strength to face life, study, and family.

5. If it would be helpful, you might also consider reaching out to external resources, such as the platform's Q&A, listening, or professional psychological counseling. I believe these could potentially offer support in some way.

If I might make one more observation, the world is a big place, and home is where you start. You have already begun your own new journey, and on this journey, you will go further and wider and face graduation assignments.

Love, work, and the prospect of new experiences may beckon to you from the future. Perhaps, in the distant future, the same debates about responsibilities will still be ongoing.

When you look back again, you may perceive the trivial matters in life to be akin to the comforts of home. Then, you may reflect on the past and recognize that it was driven by love.

I'd like to express my gratitude for this encounter, as well as for the world in general. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you will find satisfaction in your endeavors. If you ever require any assistance, I am always available to chat.

Hello, I'm Little Whale Floater, and I'm here to help! Let me analyze your situation and give you some advice.

First, you feel a bit anxious and don't want to go home because you're craving some family warmth. There's also some fascinating evidence that when you go home, your mother doesn't cook for you and doesn't even know when you're going to be home. So I'd love to ask, before going home, do you call your parents to let them know when you're going to be home?

Does she come home on time?

Second

From your account, it seems that your parents were still not like this when you were in your first and second years of high school. You still liked going home very much! It was the experience of going home during these two years that caused you to become less keen on going home in your third year of high school. Did anything special happen in your family during this period that caused your mother to become like this? Did you calm your mother down when she became emotional after accusing your father? What exactly made your mother furious whenever she mentioned your father? What were the things your mother accused your father of? Do you know?

And now for the third question!

How many years is the difference between you and your sister? Is your sister at an age where she has to get married? Would you like to know what your parents' purpose is in pushing your sister to get married?

I'm excited to hear more about your family's financial situation! It's inspiring to see how many children are supported by their parents through school. I'd love to know more about your family's income sources.

Oh, and one more thing! Does your mother work? And are your academic results really impressive?

Fourth

I have to tell you what a great job you're doing! You're so thoughtful and kind, and you really care about everyone in the family. This is a wonderful quality, but you might want to try not to take on too much of everyone else's stress. As a family member, it's important to understand why things happen and find ways to resolve conflicts.

Fifth

In your impression, every time the quarrel broke out, it was your mother who started it. You are a little dissatisfied with your mother and feel that she is being unreasonable. You feel unappreciated because you don't get any love from your parents every time you come home. However, you still need to cook for yourself. When you need to cook for yourself, is your mother at home?

What time of day did you arrive home? Was it not during mealtime? Did you say to your mother, "Mom, I'm home, I'm hungry"? When you were in high school, was your sister still in school? When you cooked, did you only cook for yourself or did you cook for the whole family?

6th

If you arrive home after dinner time, did you tell your mother that you were hungry? Or was your mother not even home, and it was normal for you to cook your own meals? If you were in your mother's shoes, would you prefer a child who only cooks for themselves, or one who shares the responsibility of cooking for the whole family? These are all just assumptions on my part, not facts. Please don't mind.

7th

As the old saying goes, "poor couples have a hundred grievances." If both mom and dad are ordinary people with limited income and have to support two children in school, just imagine the financial constraints and what will happen? Here I would like to ask the questioner if you have ever had the experience of working hard to earn money. Do you know that money is hard to come by? You are very happy to go home to get the warmth of your family, but every time you go home it means giving money. The unreasonable fuss you see your mother making may just be a sense of powerlessness caused by her love for you, which is ruthlessly vented out on your taciturn father, causing him to go berserk. However, is that really all there is to it?

Perhaps after the temper tantrum, your father had to lower his pride and raise the living expenses and tuition fees for your sisters. What you see is not necessarily what is real—and that's an exciting possibility!

Mom and dad have been blaming each other for not having paid your living expenses once. This is just my speculation, but it's a great idea to find out for yourself whether it's true or not!

And now for the final part of this incredible journey!

Guess what! You could have bought your mother an inexpensive hair accessory and your father a T-shirt with the money you saved each time you went home. If not, and if my above inference is true, my child, you need to learn something other than studying, such as how to respect your parents.

9th

Your sister was forced to get married at this time. Have you ever wondered why? Your sister graduated and got a job, but after three years of the pandemic, your sister, a fresh graduate with no work experience, is struggling at the bottom. Being unemployed, she will become a burden to her parents if she stays at home. Your parents may just not want to treat you unfairly and want to use your sister's marriage to help finance your university education. What can honest parents do?

There's a saying that goes, "A poor man has a short temper!" As parents, how can you bear to favor one child over the other? Well, as for the situation you see, it's just because the family is beautiful! One member of the family doesn't have the knack of communicating with the other and doesn't know how to express themselves.

And now for the tenth and final piece of advice!

I'm so excited to share this advice with you! It's based on what I've learned from your content, and I really hope it can help you. Please don't worry if it's not 100% accurate – I'm just trying to help! I think you should get a summer job to experience the challenge of earning money. Then, spend it all in one day to see how it feels. You can even save some for yourself and give some to your parents as a way to show your gratitude for raising you. After all, graduating from high school means you're an adult now, and it's time to take responsibility for your actions. Ask yourself if you can do it!

You can be responsible for yourself! If you need help solving your problems, I highly recommend making an appointment to talk to a family education counselor.

Hello, sweetheart. I see you're feeling a little confused right now, and I'm here to give you a big, warm hug!

I'm here for you, sweetheart. I see you're going through some family issues. Let me give you a warm hug again.

You'd love to go home for the summer vacation, but just the thought of it makes you a little bit upset.

It's so tough when your mom is always unreasonable and forces you to do things you don't like. It's even worse when you don't agree and she gets angry.

And then your dad's mood is also affected by your mom's, and he gets really grumpy.

I know it can be tough, but try to ignore your mother when she's being unreasonable next time.

Otherwise, she might get more and more upset.

Why not take the opportunity to go for a lovely walk in the neighborhood where you live? Wait an hour and a half to two hours, and then go home.

Then, your mom won't remember what it was about and she'll be upset with you.

It's totally normal to want to run away from your mom when she gets angry.

If you give her a little space, she might realize that it's her problem and stop acting irrationally.

I really, truly hope that you can find a solution to your problem soon.

I'm sorry, I really wish I could think of something more, but I'm at a loss.

I really hope my answer helps and inspires you, young lady. I'm here for you, and I'm studying hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi.

Why don't you want to go home?

When students go away to study, home is a haven for reunions. We rush home for the summer holidays because that's where we find food that tastes like mom's cooking and a relaxing family environment. But it seems that the situation we face now is the opposite of what we imagined.

You want to go back, but you're reluctant because you can't accept the trivial matters and bickering at home. You feel no warmth and annoyance from your parents and family members. But my child, you need to know that this is life.

We are in our third year of university and still have time and holidays to spend with our parents. For those of us who are working, this is rare. So let's think about it from another perspective: this year we are in our third year of university, and next year at this time we will be working. Then this last summer vacation will become especially meaningful.

Adjust your mindset.

Have we thanked our parents for raising us? If they want us to cook for them, can't we practice our cooking skills and make them a nice meal? We can learn a new skill, and our family and parents can enjoy a warm home together.

We can solve our family's problems with our strength. This could be a mother nagging, a father being irritable, or a sister having practical problems. We may not be able to make a big difference, but can we not be a caring guide and help everyone communicate better?

Your existence has a significant meaning. Discover the sparkle within yourself. Take responsibility for family matters. Look at family members with a softer heart. Use better methods to create a relaxed, scheduled atmosphere at home. You'll be happy. The whole family will be happy together.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm excited to help!

Thank you so much for being willing to tell us about the unpleasant things so that we can resolve the anxious state as soon as possible. I can also fully appreciate your anxious feelings at the moment, with a strong-willed mother who loves to accuse and nag, an increasingly grumpy father, and an unemployed sister who was forced into marriage, at home, every day the family is in a state of chaos. But don't worry! We can work through this together.

It's the holidays, and you're facing some challenges with your mother and the chaotic family situation. I'm here to support you! First, let's hug and calm down a little. Let me tell you how I feel after reading your account.

After reading your detailed introduction to your family, I'm thrilled to learn that your family now consists of your parents and sister, and your current living situation is as follows.

1. Family situation from the perspective of personality

1. Mom is the rock of the family!

You say, "My mother is always unreasonable, often forcing me to do things I don't want to do, and getting angry if I refuse; my father was relatively taciturn before, but because my mother is always unreasonable and scolds him, my father has also become irritable in recent years; my sister is also a bit overwhelmed and full of negative energy recently, facing problems such as unemployment and forced marriage.

For many years, everyone has been so patient and tolerant, avoiding verbal disagreements, and my mother would get a little upset and be unreasonable.

2. Dad is naturally reserved, which makes him a fascinating person to get to know!

From your description, I know that your father is a reserved person who usually speaks little. However, as he gets older and his health changes, he has also become feistier than ever, scolding your mother with a twinkle in his eye.

Therefore, there is no peace in the family—but there could be!

3. Her sister's personality may have followed that of the father, which is really interesting!

From what you said about your sister, it seems like she has a lot in common with her father. She's also someone who keeps her emotions to herself, probably because she's afraid of expressing anger. But when she does let her feelings show, it's really something to see!

Her irritable state of mind affects your mood when you perceive it, which gives you the opportunity to work on your own emotional state!

4. Your personality

You take after your father in some respects, and in order to avoid conflicts with your mother and minimize disagreements, you try to internalize them as much as possible. You take after your mother in some respects, and have a rebellious streak, wanting to make your own decisions. However, your mother is too dominant and never gives you the chance to make your own decisions. She will act irrationally and force you to obey.

You made the choice to give in for the sake of family peace, which was a great decision! It's so important to take care of yourself, and you did that by shutting down your own needs. This made you feel a little depressed, irritable, and resentful, but you're doing great now!

2. The environment has created a person!

1. It has contributed to the continuation of mom's character, which is pretty amazing!

Your grandmother or grandfather probably had a strong personality, and that's probably why yours is so strong! It's also likely that you get along with her really well, which has helped you develop your strong personality.

Over the years, your father's personality has meant that he rarely participates in family matters, and your mother has been left to handle everything single-handedly. This has created a wonderful habit in your family of deferring to your mother's decisions. Of course, your mother's personality naturally inclines her to be the one making decisions, so the family's way of getting along with each other, accommodating and tolerant, has allowed her personality to continue in your family.

She also thinks that this is the absolute best and most concise way to get along with you!

2. It has created a conflicted personality in you, which is great because it means you have a lot of different sides to your character!

In other words, your living environment has also nurtured your character, giving you both a tolerant side and a rebellious side. When you are tolerant, it makes you feel depressed and irritable.

But this is never the result you want!

So you'll have another chance to learn and grow from your experience!

You said, "I'm already a mess when I talk to my mom, and it'll be hard for a while. I'm always so happy before I go home, and then I get wrecked by my family and regret why I went home."

3. Let's dive deep into the reason behind the irritability and anxiety!

You said, "I was the same before I went home last vacation. I hid at school for a few days, and when I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore, I went home. I regretted it very much. I don't know if I should continue hiding at school or go home.

Hiding out at school is also very anxiety-provoking and difficult, but going home seems like it won't turn out well either. But you know what? You can do it! You can conquer your anxiety and make it through the day.

In other words, no matter what situation you are in, at home or at school, the mere mention of the word "home" will make you feel irritated, uneasy, and anxious—and that's okay!

You may be wondering why the word "home" is untouchable. It's because it always brings you negative feelings of tension, arguments, nagging, accusations, and so on.

Your emotions are also suppressed, and family bonds are being erased.

But deep down, you long for a home that is warm, loving, harmonious, and respectful. And you know what? You can have that home! You just need to make a few changes.

4. How to get out of this dilemma

Your worry also comes from the fact that there is a voice inside you that says, "If only you could change your mother, your family would all live a peaceful life." In reality, you can't change your mother, you can't get rid of her, and you're starting to get annoyed. But here's the good news! You can change your mother! You can live in a peaceful family!

You can't change your mother because the famous Taiwanese debater and professor Huang Zhizhong once said, "No one wants to be changed."

"

So, this idea of changing your mother is not going to work. But that's okay! How do you get out of this dilemma?

Mr. Huang Zhi-zhong also said something really interesting. He said, "Whoever is suffering will change."

What does this mean? The good news is that you have the power to change!

The great news is that you can change yourself! And you can adapt to and influence others.

Now for the fun part! Here's how to change:

1. Embrace your mother's current situation with open arms!

Embrace the amazing person your mother is and her incredible ways!

The environment has shaped your mother's character and current situation. And you know what? That's a good thing! It means you can't change her, but you can accept her as she is. And when you do, you'll stop obsessing about her thoughts and actions.

2. Adjust your own mentality and reconcile with the past!

In your eyes, there are many things about your mother's behavior that you cannot accept. But here's something you can do about it! Try to think from your mother's perspective. If you were the mother, what would you do in the face of your child's problems?

Absolutely! Try to understand your mother's actions and affirm the good and positive aspects of your mother.

If you can change your attitude from confrontation and disgust to understanding, you will realize that your mother is the one who really cares about you! Even if the way she shows it is not what you want to accept, she still cares. The goal is to reconcile yourself with the past, stop complaining, and try to change the way you get along with your mother through communication.

3. You can do this! Allay your mother's concerns and influence her with good communication.

When you're feeling calm, it's a great idea to talk to your mother about your feelings and what you want to say!

First, talk about feelings. Be grateful for your mother's amazing nurturing love and all that she has done for you over the years. You have all appreciated and understood how difficult it has been for her over the years, and that everything she has done is for your own good.

So, you are extremely grateful and have the utmost respect for your mother's nurturing heart!

Hearing you say this makes me feel seen, respected, understood, and valued! I've been hoping for your affirmation for years, and it's finally here!

Second, it's time to talk about your true thoughts and needs!

You've grown up, and you're ready to take on the world! You want to be independent and communicate with your mother like adults. You're ready to gain her understanding, trust, and support. Tell her: "Raising me is not just hoping that I can manage myself without worrying about you constantly."

Tell your mother: You also want her to enjoy her own life, and you know she can still care for you as she always has when you need her!

Once you opened your hearts and spoke with your mother heart to heart, her concerns vanished! She understood your inner feelings and knew that you had grown up and no longer needed her constant, worried protection.

And I will absolutely learn to respect you and let you be yourself!

Once you have softened your mother's heart, the way you communicate will also change. It's a great idea! Why not give it a try?

I'm so excited to share these ideas with you! They might be a bit long-winded, but I really hope they're helpful.

And finally, I wish you the happiest and most peaceful day!

Dear host, I am Xing Ying, a psychological counselor and a national-level 3 psychological counselor.

From your question, it is evident that you are experiencing significant challenges. Being away at university, it is natural to desire the freedom and camaraderie of home during the holidays.

Given the considerable time that has elapsed since your last encounter, you greet your family with a warm embrace, expressing your profound sense of longing for their company. Your parents, in turn, have prepared a sumptuous repast to mark your return.

The scene is, on the surface, one of joy. However, the author is unable to participate in it.

My parents are unable to recall when I return home, therefore I am compelled to prepare my own meals.

Upon reading this, I am overcome with a profound sense of sadness for you.

During the holiday period, one could expect to be able to sleep until naturally waking up, engage in conversation with family members about one's experiences at school, and listen to one's parents discuss matters pertaining to the family. However, this is not the case.

Upon returning home, you encounter a mother who is unreasonable, a father who is grumpy, and a sister who is self-absorbed. These individuals engage in conflict with one another and with you.

The cyclical pattern of anticipating the return home, encountering conflict within the family, and subsequently feeling regret about returning home results in feelings of homesickness during one's time at school and unhappiness upon returning home. For a period of time, the decision of whether to conceal one's feelings or return home is unclear, which can be a source of frustration.

From the information provided, it can be surmised that the communication pattern among family members is as follows:

The mother employs accusatory communication, frequently compelling the child to perform tasks that the child is reluctant to undertake. Her actions are often perceived as unreasonable.

The father in question exhibits a tendency to avoid communication, displaying a taciturn demeanor. However, when he feels overwhelmed, he becomes confrontational.

It is unclear how you communicate with your parents, but your expression suggests a desire to avoid them.

[Negative Emotions of Family Members]

From a psychological perspective, negative emotions are driven by underlying psychological needs that must be fulfilled.

The emotional states exhibited by the mother, the father, the sister, and the child can be described as follows: the mother displays anger, the father displays irritation, the sister displays distress, and the child displays anxiety and fear.

What are the psychological needs of each person in your family? I will attempt to elucidate these needs, and you are encouraged to reflect on them as well.

After a prolonged absence from home, the individual may experience a longing for their family to demonstrate their awareness of and concern for their absence. This can manifest as a desire for special attention during holidays or other occasions.

The mother perceives herself as being unreasonable and distant, which contributes to feelings of loneliness. She hopes that the family will acknowledge the challenges she faces and recognize her efforts to contribute to the family unit. However, she also experiences a sense of being out of control.

In her state of distress and irritability, she is unable to grasp the concept of your vacation.

The father desires to be treated with gentleness by his wife. He experiences feelings of resentment when he is reprimanded, a situation he has tolerated for an extended period. However, these feelings persist, leading to a transformation into anger.

The sister is confronted with a series of challenges, including unemployment and the threat of forced marriage. She is experiencing a complex emotional state, characterised by feelings of sadness and fear, and a hope that her family can provide her with the necessary support and encouragement to navigate these difficulties.

Each individual has an inherent desire to be unseen and to avoid seeing others.

It appears that the family members in question are not yet particularly adept at articulating their vulnerability and needs in a forthright manner. They frequently employ modes of accusation and attack to convey their inner grievances, loneliness, sadness, and fear, which ultimately leads to a discrepancy between their stated intentions and the underlying truth.

Inappropriate communication patterns will instead result in confrontation and alienation among other family members. This further distances everyone from one another, and the inner desire to be seen and cared for remains unfulfilled, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

What are the available courses of action within this family system?

1. Become the first to become an "insightful person." It is possible that you are not yet able to take on their emotions. In this case, it would be beneficial to try to observe and experience their desires behind their actions and words from this perspective. If you sense it, you might as well try to express it for her: "Mom, are you feeling angry/sad about this?" "Sister, you are under a lot of pressure, aren't you?

"It is acceptable to express that you are there for her. Remain with her in her emotional state for a period of time.

2. It is important to be aware of one's own needs and to express them consistently. For example, one might say, "I miss you at school and am happy to see you. However, when you fight, I feel sad. What can I do for you?"

"I am aware that you are currently experiencing a considerable degree of pressure. If there is anything I can do to enhance your sense of well-being, I would be delighted to do so."

3. Should you feel unable to cope with the emotional demands of your family at this time, it may be beneficial to arrange a period of leave to pursue alternative activities, such as travel, work-study, the acquisition of new skills or interests. This approach may help to alleviate feelings of isolation at school.

It is advisable to avoid environments that induce anxiety. When you miss home, it is beneficial to communicate with your family members via telephone or message to inform them of your achievements and express your feelings of longing. Prioritize self-care and personal growth.

4. The aforementioned symptoms, namely difficulty breathing and a rapid heartbeat, are indicative of elevated emotional intensity. Seeking the assistance of the school's psychological counselor can prove beneficial in alleviating stress. Additionally, acquiring knowledge about psychological aspects pertaining to emotions and communication patterns can facilitate more effective self-help strategies.

The process of growing up is one of gradual self-understanding and of developing awareness through learning in the aftermath of painful experiences.

By posing a query on the forum, you have initiated a process of inquiry and learning. I posit that you possess the capacity to facilitate a shift in communication patterns within your family by demonstrating the potential for personal growth.

It is imperative to recognize one's own capabilities and potential. Each individual possesses the capacity to bring love and warmth to their family.

I extend my warmest regards to you all, and wish you a pleasant day.

Hello!

You say you're happy before going home, so I think you like your family. But your anxiety has made you focus on the bad things.

You don't want to go home because your parents don't pay attention to you, your mother forces you to do things you don't want to do, your father has a bad temper, and your sister is also unhappy. Maybe people who go home want warmth from their family, but when they go home and see the bad side, they will show disappointment or sadness.

You said staying in school would make you anxious and suffer. You should still be concerned about your family. You're the only positive one. You're like a ray of sunshine, while they're like grey clouds.

I have some ideas that might help.

You're in your third year of university, so you're probably in your 20s now. You don't need to take care of your parents as much as you did when you were a minor. You said you have to cook every time you go home. You can take care of yourself, so next time you go home, you can try cooking a meal for your parents, your sister, and the whole family. You don't have to cook a fancy meal, and I'm sure it'll be nice to eat together.

Show some concern. Bad moods come from something. Something must have happened that they can't talk about. Parents don't express emotions, but show love, and they can temporarily put aside their hardships.

Your sister is the same age as you. She may be facing similar challenges in the future. You can share your thoughts with her or listen to her talk about her difficulties. Being there for her can also give her comfort.

If you don't have much energy, you can use the summer vacation to study, travel, or find a part-time job. If you miss home, go back. If you feel depressed, leave. It just means you need to learn how to take care of yourself.

You're not alone. Best wishes!