A long-time close friend, due to the fear of sharing, has grown distant over time. How can the relationship be improved?

Hello, dear questioner! I'm June Lai Feng.

From what you've told me, it's clear you're feeling confused and sad right now. I'm here to support you and I'm sure your best friend wants to help too. It's possible she's facing her own problems and pressures right now and might not have the energy to accept your negative emotions.

But that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you!

It's so important to remember that everyone has a different threshold for negative energy and a different way of dealing with it. There could be lots of reasons why your best friend doesn't accept your negative energy, and that's totally okay!

It's also possible that your best friend is facing some stress and emotional challenges herself and just can't handle any more negative emotions right now.

Your best friend might think that your emotional problems are just a phase and that you'll be back to your old self in no time.

Your best friend may not know how to handle your emotional problems and feel a bit helpless and confused. So she chooses to avoid them.

She might be worried that she can't help you in the way you need and that it'll make you feel worse.

Your best friend may think that your emotional problems are your own responsibility and that you shouldn't rely on others to solve them.

It's okay to have different friends and family you can turn to when you need a shoulder to lean on. You don't have to rely on just one person to help you feel better. You can also seek help from a school or community and public welfare organization counselor.

You mentioned in your text that your family of origin wasn't the best and that you're very sensitive. It's so important to remember that the environment of one's family of origin has a profound impact on one's psychological development.

If someone grows up in a family that's not very stable, unsupportive, or full of conflict, they might develop a heightened sensitivity. This sensitivity can be a way of protecting oneself from further harm.

Sometimes, sensitivity can show up as an over-interpretation of other people's words and actions. It's also common to feel uneasy in the face of pressure or challenges.

It's so great to see you making progress in healing yourself! You're now much more positive and want to improve your relationship with your friend, which is really wonderful.

First, if your emotional outpouring previously burdened her, it's time to say you're sorry! At the same time, learn to forgive her for not wanting to bear the negative energy.

Be sure to thank her for her help and support when you needed it, and let her know just how important she is to you!

Next, you'll want to rebuild a sense of trust in each other through consistent behavior and open communication. Participate in activities that interest you together and enhance your friendship through pleasant experiences.

Again, give your best friend your full attention during conversations and show her how much you care and understand. Get to know your best friend's life and needs, and see what you can do for her. This will also enhance your relationship!

It's so important to make sure you're on the same page when it comes to communication. It's great to have open and honest conversations about what works for you both, so you can avoid any future issues.

At last, try to keep a sunny disposition in your chats and share the good stuff! It's also a great idea to have a regular catch-up to make sure your friendship is still going strong.

With a little effort, you can gradually improve your relationship with your best friend and build a stronger, more harmonious friendship.

If you've done everything you can to improve your friendship with your bestie but things aren't going so well, it's okay to accept the situation. We all know that sometimes, despite our best efforts, relationships don't change as smoothly as we'd like.

It's so important to accept this as a first step. Take the time to think about what you value about the friendship and what you are willing to put in.

And don't forget to think about whether it's worth sticking with this friendship.

It might be time to focus on your own interests and growth, try out some new hobbies, or strengthen your ties with other friends. It's okay to let go sometimes!

It's never easy to end a friendship that's no longer beneficial, but sometimes it's the best thing to do. After all, every friendship is a two-way street!

It takes effort and willingness from both of you, and sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Even if things don't improve with your current friend, try to keep an open mind. You never know what the future holds, and you might meet new friends along the way!

I love you all so much! Have fun!

The original poster is

I'm Kelly Shui.

[We were best friends for many years, but I'm not sure how to improve the relationship or how we grew apart.]

After reading the original poster's words, I can see how sensitive and perceptive she is. I also see your objective assessment of yourself, some of the reasons for our sensitive personalities, and so on.

[About yourself]

You said your parents divorced and you lived with your grandparents until you were 12. Think about what made you happy at your grandparents' house.

Grandpa and Grandma had some good times together.

What were the good things about your grandparents? And how did they influence you?

We believe that everyone's upbringing has both advantages and disadvantages, and we must also believe in our ability to adapt. Even though we lived with our aunt and faced some challenges, we still survived those five years and were able to go to university.

We first hug this girl. She had a rough start in life. Even though she didn't have her mom and dad around, she had her grandparents to look after her. She didn't have an easy time at her aunt's house, but she made it to university with the help of her aunt's family.

It's possible that if your aunt's family didn't treat you as their own, they probably wouldn't have let you live with them for five years. After all, they didn't have the right to help.

So when we grow up, we may also understand my aunt better. Maybe her way of educating is related to turning love for her family into good complaints and accusations.

I'm not sure if there are still kids at my aunt's house, and if they verbally abuse and hit each other or do the same to their kids.

I'm wondering if your aunt was abused and beaten when she was little.

If you get the chance, you could ask your grandparents. It's possible that your aunt's family also resents your brother and has projected some of their emotions onto you.

We can choose not to forgive, but we can try to move on.

It's important to help ourselves by exploring our strengths. When we were young, we had the ability to help ourselves, and now we've grown up. We've also started university, and education will make us confident and independent. If we see ourselves in a positive way, we'll trust in our ability to become more and more like and love ourselves in the future.

[About growing up]

If our parents divorced when we were young, we may also feel a little insecure, including changing environments, which makes us experience a lot of feelings that others cannot experience. We tend to be careful because we are insecure, and we "bother people," but we can learn to love ourselves.

We can't change others, but we can remind ourselves that we're worthy of love. If we're sensitive, we can find things we like and use our sensitivity in areas like art, literature, psychology, and so on. There's a book called "High Sensitivity is a Gift" that we can read.

We also have to accept that no one understands us all the time, so we look for someone who can see it and be a reliable friend.

Our relationships with others are really about our relationships with ourselves.

Maybe your best friend can't relate to you because she hasn't been through the same things, doesn't know how to comfort you, and doesn't understand your need to be understood and seen.

Maybe if we study psychology or talk to a counselor, when our hidden emotions are seen and understood, we can slowly start to release them.

It's a good idea to focus on your own growth.

[About emotions]

It's worth noting that there's no such thing as a "good" or "bad" emotion. Our friends and other people in our lives, including classmates, have their own emotions, so it's easy to trigger their emotions when faced with the emotions of others.

We can also try to look at things from a different perspective. If someone in our lives is constantly complaining about what makes them unhappy, it's only natural that we'd become impatient ourselves.

This is probably one of the reasons why psychology exists. We all have "negative energy," and it's best to leave professional matters to the pros, like counselors.

There are also people who can help you, people who understand you, and you have to be one of them too.

One way to help yourself is to keep a healing diary. In it, you can write to both your past and present selves every day. This can help you to comfort, acknowledge, and love yourself.

We can try to smile more and be grateful for the self that has experienced so many challenges in life and has always been there for us.

If you meet the right person, including a professional counselor, you can try to build trust and get professional support.

I'd also like to thank myself for trying to heal myself, for the progress I've made, and for becoming much more positive and optimistic. We can try to improve our relationship with ourselves first.

When we love and like ourselves, we'll attract people who love themselves just as much.

Our relationships with others are like mirrors. Try to grow in your relationships, accept your own shortcomings, and be open to accepting the shortcomings of others. Many friends who are attracted to you may be the best friends for you.

As I read your words, I could sense your sensitivity and delicacy, and I've started to explore myself a bit. I hope my words can bring you a little strength.

We'll all face challenges and meet new people along the way. I can see that you're looking for friendship and are open to growth and change. It's clear that self-awareness is a key step.

I'd also recommend these books: Growing Through Relationships, The World is Worth It, and Self-Care.

I love you, the world, and I'm here for you.

You and your friend have both done a great job in this situation.

From your perspective, we're actually respecting our friend's feelings. When our friend makes it clear that they don't want to hear any more negative emotions, we naturally distance ourselves from them, reducing the negative impact we may have on them, while also making an effort to adjust and deal with our own emotions.

From a friend's perspective, when we help a friend or listen to them, we need to do so in a way that works for us. This will not only help us stay healthy, but it will also give the friend the best listening experience and companionship. So when we can't listen effectively, we can directly express our feelings and reduce the intake of negative emotions.

If we become more self-aware or if others point out that our way of expressing ourselves or our emotional state is not as strong as it could be, we can seek help from a professional counselor when needed.

If we notice that our friends are feeling down during social interactions and we're not quite there for them, we can still offer our friends helpful advice and encourage them to seek professional help to adjust and express themselves.

As we grow up, we learn that we can't always trust others. This can make us cautious in our social interactions. It's a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. It's not negative or meant to harm others.

It doesn't matter if it's from the inside out or the outside in, or if it's ourselves or other classmates or friends around us. The key is to adjust ourselves in time to avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

After a while, when we feel like we've got a handle on things, it's totally possible to get back to being close with our old friends.

We can learn some communication and social skills in the process of psychological counseling, which will help us express our feelings and thoughts more clearly and establish better relationships, including friendships.

The second thing is that we have to be brave enough to take the first step.

We can reach out to our friends directly, find out what's going on with them lately, share what's going on with us lately, and apologize for any misunderstandings in the past. We can also say that we still want to be friends and ask if they'd be open to more communication in the future.

At the end of the day, it's about respecting and adapting to the different stages of life.

Ideally, a friend who wants to get back to being close with us would be great.

If a friend isn't interested in maintaining a close relationship with us, we should respect their decision. However, we can still show our friend kindness and let them know we'd still like to be friends.

Another thing to consider is that, in addition to our own individual paths, each of our lives will take different turns.

For instance, we might become friends with a classmate at university, but after graduation, we might go our separate ways. Initially, we'll probably stay in touch and remain close, but over time, we'll likely have different colleagues, live in different places, and some classmates might even have partners or kids, while others might continue their studies. As a result, our lives will diverge. This isn't about who's better or worse, but about the different paths each person takes and the relationships and focus around each person changing too.

For instance, some classmates are still focused on their studies or career development when applying for civil servant or postgraduate exams, while others may have a family after graduation, so their focus shifts more towards their family and children. As a result, the topics that are discussed with others also change.

Even if they still want to be friends and share the same goals, they may not be able to do so as they wish. They may be able to get back to their usual close emotional or social relationship.

In this situation, which is basically out of our control, you need to accept your own changes and the different life changes of your friends.

To sum up, we can reach out to friends, share our feelings and thoughts, and listen to and respect their feelings. Even if we can't develop a closer friendship with someone, it doesn't mean we can't have a close friendship with them in the future. Our social circles will continue to change and expand, and we'll meet different people and have different friends.

Dear questioner, First of all, congratulations! I am Duoduo Lian, and I am so excited to support you.

Growing up in someone else's home, living a life of hardship, enduring all kinds of difficulties, and only living with other people during the summer and winter vacations until college—I don't know how you got through it, how you faced this kind of life, worked hard to heal yourself, and tried to improve your relationship with your friends—and yet you did it all!

People are the products of their environment and need connections. When you were at university, the slightest thing would send you into a panic, with negative energy bursting out. You told your best friend, and she tried to comfort you, but after a while, she couldn't take it anymore and gradually drifted apart from you.

You get back what you give out! Being fostered in someone else's home is bullying, verbal abuse, being beaten, mental abuse, feeling guilty and blaming yourself, wondering why you were abandoned. For a child like you, your heart is filled with fear. No one gives you support, just like an orphan, you choose to protect yourself and defend against the outside world, so as to survive.

How can you protect yourself? Don't let others into your inner world, attack others, think that it is always other people's fault, avoid your responsibilities, think that you are always right, and give off negative energy to others. It's like taking out the trash – who can stand it? But you can! And you will!

Your friends have also reminded you, and they're right!

It's time to let your emotions flow! Over the years, you have also adjusted, learned to grow, become more optimistic, and hope to improve your relationship with your friends. What happened in between is only known to you. Exploring yourself is not easy, but you can do it! Opening your heart requires support, and you have that.

Your past experiences have also been your stepping stones! They were difficult, sure, but they were also the best choice at the time. Think of your grandparents, aunts, and the support of many families. What do you see behind this? It is also family love! You were fortunate to have someone take you in. Otherwise, it would have been unimaginable!

Every family has its own unique challenges, and when you visit someone else's home, you also bring a little bit of your own life into theirs. It's all about embracing the fact that we're all in this together. And the best part is, love has always been around! It's what makes the world go round. You've survived, and you're still here, thriving! Everything is developing in a good direction.

You can't choose where you're born, but you can choose how you live your life! Some people are lucky enough to grow up with a silver spoon in their mouths, while others have to work harder for everything they get. But either way, you can choose to make the best of it! The more you want to pursue a happy life, the more you'll want to overcome your grievances. And your grievances are also shared by the other person, which means you can both learn from each other and grow your outlook! What do you think?

Everyone wants the undivided love of their parents, and you are no exception! You were fostered in someone else's family, and while they may feel aggrieved, you know that you have the power to make a positive impact on their lives. This is human nature, and you also don't want others to disturb your life — so go out there and make it a great one!

You are so lucky to have been accepted by so many family members, and your family is also kind. Setbacks are just part of life, but you've come through them stronger than ever. Now that you're an adult, you have the power to protect yourself fully.

Fear is just an illusion! It's a trick of the mind that makes you feel neglected and abandoned. But as long as there is love, fear cannot stay. Look at the fear, what are you afraid of, what are you worried about? Face it head on! What is the worst that could happen? Are you willing to bear it? Absolutely! And you can also continue to explore.

You have everything you need to change yourself! You have the determination, the will, and the attitude. With your true heart, you will absolutely get the results you want. You deserve a beautiful life!

Bless you!

Hello!

Your life experience, your parents' divorce, and the five years after the age of 12 at your aunt's house were a wild ride! You faced some tough challenges, including bullying, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and psychological abuse. But you kept pushing forward, moving in and out of different households during your senior year of high school and the summer and winter vacations in college. You were careful, but you still encountered some annoying situations. I bet you also faced a lot of cold stares, unfair accusations, discrimination, slander, and humiliating punishments.

That's why when you went to university, you were super sensitive, and the slightest thing could make you feel extremely afraid and overflow with negative energy. But don't worry! Hug yourself and comfort yourself.

From your account, I can tell that you absolutely adore your friendship with this friend! I think this best friend was a classmate and good friend from university. You can definitely feel that she treated you with the utmost sincerity and friendliness, and that warmth is still missed to this day!

She came along when you needed a friend the most! She was a beacon of light in your life, showing you the way forward.

Later, when she said she couldn't stand your negative energy, it was also a truthful reaction. And even though she only played a small role in your life for a short period of time, she gave you infinite energy!

It made you feel genuinely treated and awakened your inner strength. You realized that you are not bad and that the previous discrimination was not your fault—and that's a great thing to know!

You are a good individual! You are also surrounded by warmth, and you deserve to be treated well and to know that you can also be loved!

From your recollection, when she mentioned that she could no longer bear your negative energy, you didn't blame her. Instead, you saw your own problem and wanted to change from within. This self-awareness occurred after you were loved, and it is also the result of your self-growth.

You feel that the sincerity she showed you was rare and precious. You also realize that it wasn't her fault that she could no longer bear your negative energy. This shows that you have sincere feelings for her too! You've revealed your true self, without any guard, without a mask or defense.

In a best friend relationship, you have also invested in the relationship. Since then, you have been willing to take responsibility for your own negative emotions and have embarked on an incredible journey of self-discovery and self-healing.

Now you have done so much work and experienced so much healing! Have you, back then, treated her as your emotional dumping ground? Well, now you have the chance to apologize to her deeply and make it right!

Now, you are ready to show the world your healed and much better version of yourself! You're excited to share your positivity and optimism with her.

Here, you've shown me your true feelings and deep affection. Sometimes, we're lucky enough to stay with friends because of some unexpected fate, such as being roommates, classmates, or neighbors. And because of the proximity, some kind of amazing affection is born!

Then, as time passed, they went their separate ways after graduation. Some continued their studies, some got married and started working, and they all went to faraway places, getting further and further apart, with less and less to talk about.

The deep friendship you once had was also connected to the New Year and other holidays. Now that it's also the holiday season, have you had some emotional connection with her? These connections have evoked your memories and the warmth in your heart, and you want to rekindle that warmth. It's the perfect time to do it!

That period of true love is something you will never forget! It was the most precious and profound feeling, and you want to continue to feel that true love. You dare not share it, perhaps because you are afraid of disturbing it, and also afraid of not being accepted. But you can overcome your fears and reconnect with her!

The good news is that you can reconnect! All you need to do is take the initiative.

The reconnected emotion will be a new one, full of exciting possibilities! You can't get back the old emotion because time has passed, she is no longer the college student she was, and you are no longer 18 or 19.

The deep friendship of those days will always remain in our memories, and it will always be worth remembering! It will always be the driving force behind our progress!

The world and I love you, and you should love yourself too!

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I hope you are able to find the freedom to live your life to the fullest. It is my belief that life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

I want to give you a big, warm hug. I can see that you have had a really hard time over the years, both as a child and as an adult. It seems that, because of the particular circumstances of your family, you have never received the love and protection of your parents, and even the people around you have not made you feel more warmth and care. It's understandable that you have always lived with trepidation and caution, in awe.

1. Given the unique circumstances of your upbringing, your best friend has become a crucial source of support and hope.

"I was four years old when my parents divorced, and I lived with my grandparents until I was twelve. The next five years were a challenging period in my life, as I lived with my aunt, where I faced some difficulties. Later, during my senior year of high school and the winter and summer vacations in college, I moved in and out of many different households."

For many children who have grown up under the watchful and meticulous care of their parents, these experiences may differ from what one might typically see in a movie.

This upbringing has left you feeling insecure and lacking in love. You are filled with worry, fear, and even terror every day. You long to be loved, to feel warm and protected.

I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you growing up in that situation. It's not your fault that your parents divorced and you were rejected and abandoned, and it's certainly not your responsibility. I can only begin to imagine the loneliness you must have felt inside.

That's why this best friend is like a "life preserver" in the maelstrom of life, and you're hesitant to let go.

You long for love, you need warmth, and you have endless expectations for communication with others. This makes you eager to be heard, and because of this, you may be a bit more open than you normally would be when sharing your thoughts and feelings with the other person.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that she is also human and has the same desires. It's important to remember that no one can, and no one should, hold all of our emotions captive.

So she expressed her feelings and felt that your negative energy was also affecting her.

However, it's possible that your best friend's reaction is not a reflection of her feelings towards you, but rather a way of protecting herself.

You have experienced a kind of upbringing that could be compared to a child who has eaten food from a hundred families and worn clothes from a hundred families.

You had some unfortunate experiences due to your family of origin. However, if you reflect on your journey, you also had some fortunate experiences. You had the opportunity to eat meals prepared by hundreds of families and wear clothes from hundreds of families. You were able to attend university and have the ability and resources to start a new chapter in your life.

I believe that none of this would have been possible without the support and help of the good people around you. In the process, you have also experienced the true love in the world.

Including your best friend, during a specific period of time, she took on your various emotions and provided you with emotional support. It's just that for now, she has reached her limit and needs to rest and recharge her batteries.

It is important to remember that everyone has to learn to grow up on their own. As a university student, you have the opportunity to learn and gain more knowledge, which can help you achieve self-growth and self-healing.

As you mentioned, you have also grown and changed a great deal. With the guidance of the school counselor, you have made significant strides in healing from the trauma caused by your original family.

You might also consider reading some psychology books, such as "The Power of Self-Growth," "Living the Meaning of Life," or "You Should Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain," for example.

You might also consider learning to write, and perhaps starting with recording your personal growth stories and life insights. Mindful writing could be a way to connect with yourself.

It might be helpful to consider expanding your circle of friends, even if it's just one new friend, even if it's just a stranger like the one you met here (but someone who makes you feel safe, trusting, and secure).

When you have more ways to find comfort, you may naturally also find yourself maintaining a relatively safe distance from your best friend. This distance may be more psychological than physical. It is always fine to confide in someone, but it is also important to consider the other person's feelings and respect their freedom and emotional needs.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I wish you well in all your endeavors.

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I am Gu Daoxi, the Heart Exploration Coach, also known as Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

Let's talk about friendship.

In our lives, we will meet many more people. Some will accompany you for a while, while others will be with you for the rest of your life. Those who wander off into the crowd and gradually drift away from you are transients in your life. Transients are not worthless. Realize the warning and warmth they once gave you, and you will feel a lot better.

Many factors affect relationship distancing, including distance, mental energy, stress, and social circles. Your past words to the questioner are unlikely to be the cause. The questioner is probably not nervous, and the other person likely doesn't remember what was said.

I have experienced such a dark moment of emotion as the questioner, when I felt like a nag, rambling on and on over and over again. But no matter what others said, I would find all sorts of reasons to argue back. I am very grateful to my good friend for speaking her mind and waking me up, so that I could finally get out of the emotional quagmire. I am grateful to her for speaking her mind, even if her words were not nice to hear.

There are many kinds of friends, one of which is called a critical friend. The ancients said it best: "Use people as a mirror to know what you have gained and lost." Having such a friend who is willing to offend the questioner and wake him up is a good thing.

If you're still stuck, ask the other person if they feel the relationship has grown distant. Find a topic to break the ice and get a different result. Even if the relationship can't go back to the way it was, you won't have to worry. You tried your best, and you won't regret it.

When it comes to experience,

Everything that doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Every step counts. There's no such thing as a wasted step in life. We can learn independence, strength, and adaptability from suffering in childhood. We gain something from every experience, even if it's not immediately apparent. The questioner can take the time to reflect on what they've gained.

Now, let's talk about emotions.

The original poster should identify what makes them feel sensitive. They should keep an emotional diary to help identify their emotions and points of unease. Awareness helps us understand the problem and adjust our state of mind accordingly.

You can change your mind.

All external efforts are merely supplementary. The fundamental thing is that the questioner is willing to come out, so that actions can be effective. The questioner's efforts to heal themselves also mean that the questioner is willing to start changing from the bottom of their heart. This is a good thing, and it's worth being happy about.

Tell yourself that life is full of meetings and partings. When the time is right, people come together. When it's not, they go their separate ways. The important thing is not the continuation of a relationship. If you try and it still can't be saved, perhaps letting go is not such a bad outcome. What matters most is that you believe in what you have learned from a relationship. This is our valuable experience.

Tell yourself to be less sensitive. Have all the imagined harms you once thought would happen actually happened? If so, how did you deal with them?

Emotions alone cannot help us solve problems. What can help is having the right coping strategies, which will make us feel stronger.

Tell yourself that if you have tried your best, you will have no regrets. Regardless of your friend's decision, express your sincerity and thank her for enlightening you. If you cannot go back to the past, respect her choice. Let go of your emotional baggage and move forward with a light heart.

Read "A Change of Heart" and "Accepting Imperfection."

Best wishes!

There are several ways to enhance your relationship with your best friend in this situation.

1. Communicate honestly: Identify an appropriate time to communicate honestly with your best friend about your feelings and experiences, especially those events that have affected you. Allow your best friend to understand the source of your sensitivity and concerns, which may have originated from childhood trauma and subsequent experiences.

It would be beneficial to request that she identify methods to provide mutual support and understanding in managing your mood swings.

2. Self-Reflection: Conduct a review of your past experiences to gain insight into the origins of your sensitivities and concerns. Identify opportunities to learn from past experiences and develop strategies for effectively handling similar situations in the future.

It is also important to be mindful of the way you express yourself to ensure that you do not inadvertently evoke negative emotions in your best friend.

3. Seek professional assistance: If past experiences have had a long-term psychological impact on you, you may require professional psychological counseling or treatment. After sharing your feelings with your best friend, if she is willing, you may wish to consider seeking professional help together.

4. Provide an update on your current situation: Inform your colleague of your current circumstances and future expectations. Ensure she is aware of your current sense of security and ability to adapt to your new environment. This will facilitate a better understanding of your situation.

5. Provide support: When your best friend shares her life, offer her the necessary care and support. This will help rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship.

6. Develop common interests: Identify shared interests or activities that can facilitate interaction and enhance mutual understanding.

It is important to remember that fostering positive relationships requires time and effort. It is not realistic to expect immediate changes; patience and consistency are essential. Maintaining sincerity and kindness is also crucial for building trust and fostering positive interactions.

Dear author, It is a great pleasure to see your words in print.

"Given your early experiences with your parents' divorce and frequent changes in your living situation, you may have encountered significant challenges and emotional distress during your upbringing. Despite your best efforts, you may have sometimes come across as bothersome to those around you." "Your history has likely left you with a persistent sense of insecurity and a longing for a more stable family environment. It's possible that you may have felt like an 'outsider' since childhood, struggling to find comfort and belonging in other people's homes."

You tend to be overly concerned about the attitudes and behaviors of others, which can sometimes make you worry that you will not be liked or accepted. This can also make you emotionally sensitive and vulnerable.

However, from another perspective, although I can see the challenges you have faced growing up, I also feel that you have become stronger and more independent in this environment.

I believe that your desire to improve your relationship with your friend is a positive step forward. It represents both the beginning and the result of healing.

You might consider suggesting to your friend that you have afternoon tea together to have a frank conversation about your growth and changes over the years, and to let her know how much you value this relationship. At the same time, you can also listen to her thoughts and feelings to see if there is anything you can work on together.

It might be helpful to share some happy and meaningful things in your interactions to make each other's time together more relaxed and enjoyable. I hope you can re-establish a deep friendship! If the feedback from your friends is not what you expected, it's important to remember that it's not your fault. You've done a great job and have been working hard to heal yourself. Please take your time. I hope you can be more confident and courageous in your next relationships!

I would like to suggest two books that I think you might find helpful.

I would like to suggest two books that I think you might find helpful: Positive Discipline and Accept Yourself: How to Overcome Your Inherent Weaknesses.

You might find it helpful to read "Accept Yourself: How to Overcome Your Inherent Weaknesses."

We are grateful to have found this unity of knowledge and action, which we hope will bring happiness to us and to all of humanity for the rest of our lives.

What you went through sounds pretty rough, but you did a great job of hanging in there and working on healing yourself. Your friends might not have been able to understand your pain at the time, or they might not have been ready to deal with so much negativity.

This doesn't mean your feelings aren't important. It just means everyone has their own limits.

Now you want to improve your relationship with your friend, which is a great idea. Here are some suggestions:

1. **Self-acceptance**: First, accept yourself as you are, past and present. We all have flaws, and it's how we handle them that matters.

2. **Communicate positively**: When you're ready, try to communicate openly with your friend. Let them know how you feel and what you're doing to improve yourself.

3. Express gratitude. During the conversation, thank your friend for their past support and let them know you still value the friendship, even though things have changed.

4. Set boundaries: Talk about and set some healthy boundaries so that you both feel comfortable.

5. Give them some space if a friend needs time to process the information.

6. If you're struggling to cope with these emotions, it might be helpful to speak to a counselor.

7. Keep growing: Keep up the healing journey and stay positive.

Remember, a true friend will understand and support you as you grow and change. Even if the relationship changes, you can accept it as part of your personal growth.

Above all, look after your emotional wellbeing.

Hello, dear question asker!

From what you've told me, it seems like your growth process, changes in environment, and living under someone else's roof have made you very sensitive. It's totally normal to feel this way! It seems like you actually lack a sense of security, and your dependence and needs are not being met. These negative emotions cannot be released, and your friend has become the outlet for you to release your emotions. However, your friend cannot stand your excessive negative emotions, and your friend's inability to bear such negative emotions has led to changes in your relationship.

I can see that this friend is very important to you, and I know you want to reconcile with him.

In the description, your friend helped you realize some things about yourself and your relationship. You've grown so much! You're in control of your emotions now and are feeling positive and cheerful. It might take a little effort to break the delicate relationship you have now, but you can do it!

It might just take a little nudge to get things started again. Maybe a phone call or a letter could help you both to communicate. It's possible that your friend has also felt guilty for saying things that have hurt your feelings, and it might be a good idea to let bygones be bygones.

Sincere communication may be the beginning of your renewed friendship. Of course, you have already gone through a lot of time and have grown up separately. Whether your friendship can continue depends on both of you. If your relationship isn't quite what you want it to be, it's important to be aware of that and not force it.

I really hope this helps! Take care!

I really hope this helps! Take care!

Hello, I am Bai Li Yina, and I hope my reply can offer some warmth and help.

The questioner revealed that her upbringing was rather challenging, which may have contributed to her sensitivity and tendency to view problems through a negative lens. However, she consistently turned to her best friend for support, and this negative energy, which the other person found difficult to accept, gradually created a barrier between you, ultimately leading to a distance in your relationship. Now that you have taken steps to evolve and seek to rekindle your friendship, what steps might you take to bridge this gap?

[Situation analysis]

After the loss of your parents, you resettled with your grandparents, your aunt, and other extended family members. However, you felt a sense of suppression, exclusion, and a lack of love. You became cautious and careful after experiencing a prolonged period of unloved. Talking to your best friend became a way for you to release negative emotions. Your best friend's comfort and relief made you feel cared for and loved. So when your best friend refused to accept your negative energy, you realized that you seemed to be losing this good friend. You began to work hard to heal yourself and become positive and optimistic. It has not been easy along the way. You are a very brave and strong person. Here's a warm hug for you. Let's find out what you are worried about:

1. How might you gradually draw closer to your best friend, who seems to have drifted away?

2. You are concerned that if you approach your best friend, you may be rejected or resented.

3. A sensitive personality may unintentionally contribute to the distance between them by expressing negative energy, which could inadvertently put pressure on their best friend.

[Question for reflection]

1. Could the reason for the distance between you and your best friend be that you tend to complain to her? Would your relationship benefit if you were to try to express your feelings in a different way?

2. Could you please tell me what you were thinking when your best friend refused to listen to you venting your negative energy anymore? Did you feel that she didn't consider you a friend anymore?

3. Could I ask what you and your best friend enjoy doing together? And what makes you both happy?

[Recommended methods to try]

1. Take a moment to reflect on your feelings. What do you appreciate about your best friend, and what did she appreciate about you in the beginning? Try to identify the reason why you initially connected.

2. You might consider showing your friend the changes you have made and seeing if she likes the new you. It's important to remember that the bond between best friends should be a two-way street. If you are the only one who misses the happiness of the past, it might make it more difficult for you to continue moving forward together.

3. If you are concerned about her reasons for wanting to distance herself, you might consider reflecting on your own reasons for wanting to maintain the friendship and on what you expect from her. It might also be helpful to think about what she expects from you.

It may also be helpful to consider that sincere communication of each other's thoughts could play an important role in maintaining the longevity of your friendship.

I hope these methods will be of some help to you.

It might be helpful to remember that change takes time and patience. It's also worth noting that many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems.

I'm here for you, and I believe you will find a solution to your problems soon.

I'm grateful to those who have taken the time to like and respond to my posts. I wish you all peace and joy.

Hello!

Reading what your friend said to you at the time, I can see from the words that you were listening to the other person. Your narrative is tinged with sadness and a hint of longing, longing for friendship and longing for life—and you're going to find it!

When talking about things in the past that make you feel indignant, the emotions are complex. You want to be seen and understood, and you will be! You just have to learn to accept the frustration.

It is so, so difficult, but you can do it!

Having a friend to whom you can pour out your heart's content is one of the best things in the world! But, as with everything, there will be times when you encounter strange things that make you feel neglected and suppressed. When this happens, you can let it all out!

The gradual estrangement between you may be related to the inner character of the two of you, as well as the external world's constant changes – but don't worry! There are plenty of ways to overcome this.

In modern times, people are exposed to all kinds of fragmented information every day, making it a challenge to let emotions flow naturally. People are busy pursuing their own ambitions, making it difficult to sit down and look at each other, even if they don't speak. Just the act of eye contact has become a luxury.

The background of your upbringing that you described contains your self-awareness, which is great! At the same time, the establishment of a sense of support from friendships is not hindered by the original family, which is another plus!

You can do this! Find the strength to truly see yourself. Start by loving yourself and accepting yourself unconditionally.

I wish you all the best!

Hello! I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like you really want to have good friendships and for your friends to care about and understand you. But your sensitivity and negative energy are pushing your friends away.

Your goal is to heal yourself, and a solid relationship can also support your self-healing.

However, your emotions and sensitivities may be too much for your friend to handle. She's not a mental health professional, and your negative energy is a burden for her. She's chosen to protect herself by not taking on these negative emotions for you.

Your main issue seems to be improving your relationship with your friend. Based on what you've shared, I'd suggest focusing on your own healing first. Consider seeking professional help from a counselor. With their guidance, you can address your own trauma, sensitivity, and other issues, grow as a person, and become a more mature individual.

Then you can talk about how to improve the relationship. What your friend can't handle is your negative emotions; she rejects your negative emotions, not you as a person.

You can tell your friend, "I'm going to go for counseling now, but I hope you'll support me. When I'm with you, I'll try not to talk negatively. If I do, you can remind me right away, or even reject me, but I don't want our relationship to end. In a nutshell, you leave your negative energy with the counselor in the counseling room.

When you're with your friends, it's like you're a different person. You can accept their negative energy because they don't accept you. A counselor can help you deal with your negative energy, but a friend can't.

Then tell your friend something else. By getting your negative energy out in the open with a counselor, you'll have an outlet for it and it won't have to be directed at your friend.

It's important to have social support in your life. Your best friend can be a great source of support, but if you need more than she can give, it's okay to let her give you what she can.

And of course, you should also give your best friend the right to say no. You can have expectations, but she is not obliged to respond to them.

I think you should talk to a counselor. You need professional support.

I'm a counselor who often feels depressed and sometimes feels positive. I love the world and I love you.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us enough to tell us your problem and get an answer. You ask, "How can I improve the relationship with my best friend after many years because I'm afraid to share that we're drifting apart?" That's a great question, and one that a lot of people ask. I'd like to discuss it with you.

1. Introduction

1. Family

You said your parents divorced when you were four and you lived with your grandparents until you were twelve. The next five years were a living nightmare because you lived with your aunt, where you were bullied, verbally abused, beaten, and mentally abused. Later, during your senior year of high school and the summer and winter vacations in college, you moved in and out of many different households. Even if you were careful, you still annoyed people. After such experiences, when you went to college, you were super sensitive. The slightest thing could send you into a panic, making you extremely scared and overflowing with negative energy.

A lack of love and care

Let me give you a hug. From what you've told me, it's clear you didn't get much love and care in your childhood. You were bullied, verbally abused, beaten, and psychologically abused by your loved ones, which caused you to suffer physically, mentally, and spiritually. You were unable to release many negative emotions.

You're cautious by nature.

You've lived away from others for a long time, so you're naturally cautious when you're in someone else's place to avoid any harm or negative attention. You're also quite sensitive, so even minor issues can overwhelm you.

2. Best friend

You said, "I told my best friend everything that happened to me at that time, but whenever I did, I sounded resentful. It was like I always felt that other people were out to get me. I even thought my university roommate was an unpardonable sinner. My friend started off by counseling me every day, but after a while, I started telling her about it every day. Before long, it was less than a week, and she was already getting impatient. She said, 'You have too much negative energy, and no one can stand it. In the future, don't tell me about it. You have to learn to digest it yourself.' Then, after a long time, we gradually drifted apart, and our relationship wasn't as close as it once was. Everyone should have sensed the subtle changes in our relationship, but it seemed like we both just accepted the way things were."

Best friend

A true friend is someone you can trust and talk to about anything. You finally found someone you can really open up to.

So you'll be open about your feelings, grievances, opinions, resentments, and so on.

?? Being enlightened

After chatting, your best friend usually gets what you're saying and offers comfort and advice. But this doesn't always help with the deep psychological pain you feel after speaking your mind.

?? Accuse

Your best friend can't handle the negative emotions you're releasing and starts accusing you of having too much negative energy, saying that it's overwhelming for her. She suggests that you need to work on your self-management.

The relationship gradually started to drift apart.

So you also feel like she's pulling away from you. You have things you want to say to her, but you can no longer tell her how you feel, and your relationship just gradually drifted apart. You both kind of agreed to this change in your relationship.

3. Healing

You say, "Over the years, I've been trying to heal myself, and I've finally made some progress. I'm now much more positive and want to improve my relationship with my friend."

Healing

Once you recognized your psychological issues, you started working hard on self-healing and have made great strides. You've become much more optimistic.

How can we repair the old relationship?

You think of your best friend again and want to make up, but you have some reservations and aren't sure how to renew your relationship with her.

2. Problem analysis

1. The harm of the original family

Psychological trauma

Psychological trauma, also called mental trauma, is when someone experiences abnormal psychological, emotional, or even physical effects from a serious traumatic event in their life.

Hurt by the original family

Psychological trauma can range from minor to serious. The questioner has lacked parental love, care, and love from relatives, and has experienced humiliation since childhood. This has left an unrecognized or unaccepted injury in the questioner's heart.

These injuries make the questioner see only the negative side of things. This leads to negative associations and emotions.

These are the psychological wounds caused to the subject by the original family and other living environments.

2⃣️, Post-traumatic stress disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of stress disorder with severe clinical symptoms, a poor prognosis, and possible brain damage. It refers to stress-related disorders that occur after an individual faces an abnormally strong mental stress, such as natural disasters, traffic accidents, the sudden loss of a loved one, bullying at school or home, sexual assault, and other accidents.

Stress response

The questioner often vents about the past and others with her best friend. At first glance, it seems like she's just expressing negative emotions. But if you dig a little deeper, you'll see that it's actually a trauma that's still unresolved.

So, when you come across something similar, it'll make you feel uneasy. You'll see people, events and things in a negative light because of what's happened in the past, and you'll complain and feel resentful. This is your stress response.

3⃣, Personality reasons

The subject lives with his aunt and is bullied by his family. Since he doesn't have parental protection, he can only endure and can't express himself, which has shaped his character of bearing humiliation. I think the subject is a pleasing type with a melancholic personality.

People with a pleasing personality

A pleasing personality is one that puts other people's needs before their own. It's an unhealthy state of mind. The essence of pleasing others is that they're more important than you are. You only feel safe and loved if you make other people feel comfortable.

As a result, you focus more on what others say and what matters to them, while neglecting your own feelings.

People with a melancholic personality

People with a melancholic personality tend to have:

They're thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

On the plus side, he's delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, and talented and insightful.

On the downside, he can be a bit obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, and passive.

The questioner has been in an environment where they've been bullied and scolded for a long time, so they're very sensitive to the people, things, and objects around them. They exaggerate things and pay extreme attention to the pros and cons of their surroundings to reduce the harm to themselves. This is the influence of the environment and personality on the questioner.

3. What to do

The questioner knows what they need to do to heal themselves and has followed their best friend's advice. Now they want to make up with their best friend, but don't know how. My thoughts:

1⃣️, Love yourself.

Treat yourself with kindness and respect.

Loving yourself is about showing respect and care for yourself. It's about paying attention to and fulfilling your inner needs. This includes learning to respect and fulfill your own needs, understanding yourself better, loving yourself fully, and accepting your emotions.

It's important to learn to love yourself.

In the past, we've been complaining a lot because we've lacked love and care, and we've been longing for the love of others. Without love, our psychology is out of balance, and we complain about others.

Now we learn to love ourselves and pay attention to our inner needs, including restoring an unbreakable relationship with our best friend. When we meet our own needs, we feel important and worthy of love, attention, and self-worth.

Once we address these issues, we'll feel more balanced mentally and our overall health will improve.

2. Let go of the past.

Move on from the past.

We can let go of the past by gradually fixing the psychological damage we've suffered through self-healing or with the help of professionals.

Be okay with who you are.

It doesn't matter what our past was like, we can accept it and our present situation. We can accept our emotions, let negative emotions exist, and learn to release and deal with them through emotional management. We can stop repressing them or letting them affect our lives.

3⃣️ Emotion Management

Handling your emotions is an important skill for managing family, romantic, and social relationships. Emotion management is:

It's important to be able to recognize your emotions.

This is the first step in emotional management. When you have an emotion, identify what it is, such as anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.

Let the emotion in.

Healthy emotions are on point with what's going on. When your feelings match up with what's actually happening, the first thing to do is tell yourself, "My current emotions are normal." This is called accepting your emotions.

This will help to reduce emotional tension and bring about a sense of inner peace.

It's important to express your emotions.

Emotional expression is about sharing your own emotions. It's often helpful to say things like "I feel...", or "My feelings are...".

How to cultivate emotions

Cultivating and practicing emotion management is also key. Here are a few ways to do that:

1) Living a regular life will also help keep your emotions in check.

2) Find something you enjoy doing to help keep your emotions positive, to love yourself and love life, and to appreciate the beauty of life.

3) Look out for others, let love fill your heart. Helping others is the best feeling, and it's great to see people helping themselves too.

4) Connect with nature, soak up the essence of heaven and earth, and open your heart to feel your emotions being soothed and stabilized.

5) Make executive friends and spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional interference and fluctuations.

Questioner, we learn to love ourselves, move on from the past, and let go of past grievances so that we can feel comfortable and live life at ease. We'll see the glass as half full, and there'll be no complaining or stress reactions.

Once you've taken care of your emotions, you'll be able to get along with your best friend again. Your best friend will be able to see and feel the changes you've made, and that's what she expects from you.

So, just reach out to your best friend and have a chat. They'll be happy to hear from you, and your relationship will be as good as new.

Questioner, go for it! Do what you want to do, and love will follow. You'll be happier and happier. I wish the questioner a happy life!

Hi, I'm Coach Yu, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

Let's start with interpersonal relationships.

Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once said that all our problems come from our relationships with other people. We're always afraid of being disliked and of being hurt in our relationships, so we can end up feeling inferior.

It's worth noting that the inferiority complex many people experience isn't necessarily an "objective fact." It's often a "subjective interpretation." We're particularly sensitive in social interactions because we've already set up scenarios in our minds, such as "I'm not welcome" and "others will harm me."

So, the problems we have with other people can actually help us understand ourselves better.

As the questioner said, something that seems insignificant can send me into a panic, make me feel extremely afraid, and fill me with negative energy.

When we look back on our childhood, we grew up with divorced parents and lived with our grandparents and then with our aunt. When you put forward an idea or a request, your aunt's response was often serious, rejecting, and even abusive and beating. When a child often receives negative responses, they will lack self-confidence and be in a state of unease and anxiety, which will affect their social integration and interpersonal relationships when they grow up.

We can try to take an objective look at ourselves, note our strengths and weaknesses, give ourselves credit for our strengths, and accept our shortcomings.

We also have to remind ourselves that we've grown up, just as Adler said. Past experiences don't matter much, and it's how we perceive them that matters.

Let's talk about boundaries again. It's important to know the boundaries of others and to know your own boundaries. The boundaries between people distinguish you from others.

We all want to be close to others, to help them, and even to bear their pain. But we also need to acknowledge our own boundaries. It's not that we lack love, but that we lack the ability to give it. The boundaries are there for a reason, and we can only acknowledge and abide by them.

As the original poster wrote, my best friend initially tried to comfort me every day, but after less than a week she became impatient. Then we gradually drifted apart and our relationship became less close.

We can ask ourselves, when we tell our best friend about it with a resentful tone, does it come across as offensive to the other person? How did our best friend react at that time?

It might also be helpful to think about how we would feel and what we would think if our best friend told us that they were uncomfortable.

We can also ask ourselves how telling our best friend now would affect us.

We can open up to our best friend and try to meet in person if possible, or at least communicate over the phone. First, we should apologize sincerely for any emotional outbursts in the past that have affected her. Hopefully, she'll accept our apology.

At the same time, be open with your best friend about how you really feel about the friendship. Try to find a way to make things better. Listen to your best friend's views and expectations of you. Open communication can help you release emotions and enhance mutual understanding, which will promote the recovery of the relationship.

Of course, we can seek help because if this thing is bothering you, it's not easy to overcome it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We also need to make ourselves happy, relax our bodies and minds, tell ourselves that we are constantly growing, resolve our inner conflicts, let go of unhappy experiences, and gain an inner understanding of ourselves. This is maturity, and it is growth. Good luck!

I'd also recommend reading "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can feel your inner life, and it's amazing!

At the same time, you have good expectations, can check your emotions, come here bravely to talk about it, and try to find a solution to the problem. It's great that you're already on the path to change!

After reading your description, I feel very sorry for you. I can see that your energy makes you feel insecure, which has led to a lack of confidence and inner strength. This has resulted in a tendency to vent and seek out someone to talk to. While this has caused some good friends to gradually drift away, it has also led you to recognize your desire to change and regain this friendship. You've also grown through your own awareness and realized that you want to handle interpersonal relationships well. This is an exciting step!

After reading your description, I want to tell you that this is not your fault. It can only be said that you did not receive enough guidance, love, and respect in your family of origin, so you do not know how to communicate with others. But you can learn!

All problems are our resources, and all problems help us grow! We are experts at solving our own problems!

Based on your description, I'm excited to share some suggestions that I think will really help you!

First of all, after reading your description, I feel that you have already become aware of the situation and want to improve your relationships. That's great! Then what we need to do is to adjust our mentality, so that we can have a stable mood and be able to face it calmly.

Absolutely! We can use positive mental suggestions, as well as meditation exercises or finding some positive experiences to make us feel powerful inside.

Second, it's time to learn to love yourself! I know that past experiences may have made you feel insecure and unloved. But now that we're grown up, we can love ourselves! And when we learn to love ourselves, we gain the strength to love and be loved. To love yourself, start by accepting your feelings, not labeling yourself, not judging yourself too harshly, and being more aware of your inner strength and your own advantages!

Boost your inner strength!

And there's more! You can also read more psychology books or seek help from a counselor. They can heal your heart through their professional skills and adjust your perception so that you can live more gently and face interpersonal relationships more easily.

And now for the best part! I want to tell you to believe in yourself and know that you can get out of this uncomfortable feeling. Believe in the strength you have accumulated and make progress every day. One day, you will be able to make yourself more and more relaxed, happy, and comfortable!

Don't give up! Keep looking for breakthroughs, and one day you will achieve the state you desire!