A small problem, I'm twelve now, and I get sick just seeing him with my grandparents.

Hello, original poster.

Your father wants to control you. If you don't listen, he'll either beat you or scold you. You feel controlled and misunderstood. You feel angry and resentful towards your father. I understand because I had the same parents. I'm here for you.

I was also controlled, but I didn't rebel. My parents thought they could control me because they thought we belonged to them. So they had some control over us, rather than seeing us as independent.

Parents learn this style from their parents, so they don't know what's good or bad for their kids. They think kids belong to them and must obey them because they gave birth to them. This is a fixed belief, and there's nothing we can do to change it.

After studying psychology, I learned to accept my parents' parenting style. I also learned to refuse gently but firmly. The original poster can express their refusal directly, but in a gentle but firm manner. You can have an in-depth conversation with your father. Ask him why he must have his way or where you disobey him.

See yourself as an independent person. Talk to your father calmly, not emotionally. This won't make him compromise. It will backfire and make him more controlling.

I hope this helps.

The questioner is 12. If he's been subjected to verbal violence by his father since age 6, that's a big problem.

Where is the questioner's mother? The questioner only mentioned his father's violent behavior and dissatisfaction with his grandparents. What about his mother?

Does she live with the questioner? Is she nice to her? How is her relationship with her father?

How did Mom handle Dad's fight with OP?

The most important thing in a family is the relationship between husband and wife. This relationship affects how children feel, how they interact with others, and their outlook on life. It also affects their mental health and happiness.

If the father doesn't know how to raise the child and the father-son relationship is not good, but the mother can give the child love and attention, then the child's negative emotions can be relieved and the child can return to a balanced state.

What happened when the questioner was 6 that made the father treat him so differently? The questioner thinks the first argument was caused by something the questioner did. But it wasn't. The questioner doesn't know what caused it.

The father's communication skills are poor. He thinks his methods are effective with a 6-year-old. Perhaps he was treated this way when he was young. He doesn't understand the questioner's needs or how he wants to be spoken to.

The questioner is now 12 and has his own views. He can express himself well and describes his feelings clearly. If he can tell his father what he wants and how he wants to be spoken to, the relationship may improve.

Our experiences shape who we become. Children are lucky to have parents who are emotionally intelligent or willing to learn and grow. They can give their children unconditional love and help them grow up healthy and see a kind and open world.

If parents don't have the emotional intelligence to learn and don't want to, they can harm their children. There's nothing we can do about our parents, but we can learn to cope with them.

The questioner is only 12 but has already experienced a lot of trauma and caused a lot of harm. At the same time, at the age of 12, the questioner discovered that the problem was with the father, not with himself. I think this is great. In the future, focus on yourself, learn, live, and develop your psychology. Keep learning various skills to achieve independence in life and psychology.

Hello, classmate. I don't think the father-son (or father-daughter) relationship is a big deal, especially if the father hits the child. You said this happened when you were six or seven, which is when people start to remember things. The fact that you remember it at twelve shows how much it hurt you.

Our traditions have stories of a son who was beaten with a stick, 24 acts of filial piety, and a father burying his son. As a teenager, you are disgusted by this. It shows how society has changed and how we protect ourselves. Which child would want to be buried alive by their parents?

You said he and his grandparents give you food and buy you chairs. This makes me confused. Traditional parenting says the father is the master and the son is the servant. The 24 Filial Exemplars of the ancient disciples' code doesn't mention giving children food, treating them well, or buying them new things. It says you should kneel all day to greet your elders.

I doubt he and his grandparents understand these books. You don't have to care about them. This is a minor problem.

Why did they scold, hit, and give you the book to read?

Maybe they think these books can make you a great teenager. To them, it's like buying a nice chair to eat and drink.

Can you see through it?

It's wrong for parents to hit and scold their children. It has a negative impact on their psychology. You know this from personal experience. Show them the book. There are scientific parenting books for parents in bookstores and online.

Ask your teacher for recommendations. People used to respect teachers and value their teachings. I believe your teacher and grandparents would like to hear what you have to say.