After dating a female colleague at the company, did I find out she has a boyfriend outside?

Dear Landlord, I hope this analysis is helpful.

First of all, you mentioned that after you started going out with a female colleague at work, you discovered that she had a boyfriend. This could suggest that she may not have been entirely forthcoming about her personal life. It's not uncommon for someone to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, so it's surprising that this information wasn't already known. Even if she didn't intend to share this information, from a moral standpoint, she should have informed you before she started dating you, not after you had already started seeing her. So, regardless of her intentions, her lack of transparency raises questions about her honesty. Do you feel comfortable with someone who may not be entirely forthcoming about their personal life?

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself some questions.

Secondly, you have expressed a desire to break up with her, yet you are asking her to choose between you and her boyfriend. By being willing to accept her choosing either one of you, it seems that you may not truly want to break up with her, but rather want her to choose you. It might be helpful to consider whether you truly want to break up with her.

Then you mentioned that she has made promises but hasn't yet fulfilled them. This could indicate that she's not fully committed to the relationship. If she's certain about the relationship, why is she hesitant? It's worth considering whether her feelings are as strong as they seem. Is she ready to commit to you long-term?

You mentioned that you would like to make the decision to separate on your own, but if the two of you were to separate, she would need to leave the company. Otherwise, it might be difficult to meet at five in the morning. However, his position is more important, and if he were to leave the company, it might have a significant impact on the company's work. From your description, you seem to be her superior or leader, or even the boss. Otherwise, why would she leave and not you? And if you were just an employee, you might not be as concerned about the impact on the company if she were to leave.

In other words, you are now in a relationship with your subordinate, but she may not be as deeply in love with you as you would like and is not willing to give up her boyfriend for you. So it's worth asking whether she really loves you, or whether it's because of your superior-subordinate relationship that she is maintaining the relationship. Therefore, the original poster can ask themselves, "Who cares if the company can operate without anyone? So do you really think no one can replace her, or are you just unwilling to let her go?"

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that an employee whose departure would seriously affect the company's performance may also pose a risk to the company. If you don't have this relationship with her, it might be beneficial to have plans in place to find a replacement.

It seems that the original poster's dilemma is that he is still unable to let her go and is hoping that she will break up with her boyfriend and be with him without hesitation. However, it seems that this girl still has reservations and that her motives for being with him may be questionable. I may have expressed myself too bluntly, and there may be other explanations.

I'm simply offering this as one possible scenario for the OP's consideration.

The original poster has just encountered this problem, which is not a psychological problem. Therefore, I will offer some analysis from the perspective of a bystander based on the actual situation, for your reference only. It is not uncommon for us to be reluctant to believe and face the truth. However, if this person will affect your life and career, it would be beneficial to think calmly and carefully evaluate the situation.

If you are just a small employee and you encounter such a young girl who is playing with two lovers, she will not have a significant impact on you. However, if you are the manager of a company and have such a problem with your subordinates, it could potentially play a role in both your own image and the company's image, including the company's development. I have personally witnessed the boss of a listed company and a married woman who has been with a woman for several years. Ultimately, he divorced his wife, and the woman also bullied many capable people in the company because of her role. Unfortunately, this resulted in the executive losing his job, which was more than he gained.

Good day, My name is Jia Ao, the Heart Exploration Coach. I am not seeking any particular outcome from this interaction.

After carefully reading the issues and confusion you outlined on the platform, have you encountered difficulties in your professional relationship? You stated that after connecting with a female colleague at work, you discovered she was also involved with another individual. You wish to terminate the relationship, but both parties are reluctant to do so, resulting in significant distress. You have requested a decision, yet the other person has repeatedly promised but failed to fulfill their commitment. Ultimately, you intend to make the decision independently and terminate the relationship. However, if the two of you part ways, the other person will have to leave the company. Otherwise, it will be distressing to interact with them daily. However, his role is crucial, and if he leaves the company, it will have a notable impact on the organization's operations. Consequently, you face a dilemma. Terminating the relationship may have a substantial impact on the company, but if you don't, he will be unable to make a decision for an extended period. This causes considerable distress. You can terminate the relationship and avoid further suffering. However, immediate termination will result in significant losses for the company or even more severe consequences. Therefore, you are uncertain about the best course of action. It's a challenging and complex situation.

To be frank, continuing this relationship will only result in further distress. Additionally, given the nature of her work, the other party is unable to abruptly depart from the company. However, she is reluctant to make a decision. This situation has caused you to become passive and distressed. The solution to the problem ultimately depends on your own decision. Find an appropriate time to communicate with the other party. Procrastination is not an option. Make a decision.

Assist in the analysis and sorting out of the situation.

1. Both parties communicate calmly.

The most expedient course of action is for you to address the situation calmly, communicate effectively, and allow some time for reflection. This will enable her to assess her own position and determine her next steps. It is essential that both parties take a step back to gain perspective and decide whether to continue the relationship in the future. Should she demonstrate remorse and a willingness to make amends, you may consider forgiving her. However, if she fails to recognize her mistake and does not express a desire to reconcile, it may be necessary to end the relationship. In such a scenario, it is advisable to act promptly to avoid prolonging the situation and potentially exacerbating the situation further.

2. Reflect on your own actions and behavior.

Once you have regained your composure, you may wish to consider reflecting on the situation and evaluating the impact on your personal feelings. It may be helpful to assess whether you can accept the situation and to identify your expectations for the future of the relationship. Have you done anything wrong? It is important to recognise that you cannot change other people, and to focus on being a good person yourself.

3. Conduct a logical analysis of the underlying reasons.

It is important to remain calm and rational and to carefully consider the nature of the relationship between your girlfriend and the other person, as well as whether she truly wants to continue the relationship with you. If she does, it is essential to understand how she could bear to put you in this situation. This will help you make an informed decision. You can then rationally analyze the real reasons behind it and identify the real reason for her actions.

Please describe your perception of the relationship between the two parties.

4. The issue should be resolved through negotiation and communication.

If you decide to continue the relationship, it is essential to discuss with your girlfriend how to deal with this problem. You may wish to consider whether to exclude the other boyfriend. If you are unable to make a decision, it is likely that you will experience difficulties. Unless you are comfortable maintaining such an open relationship, it is important to discuss it with her and make a decision. It is important not to delay, as this may lead to increased frustration. There is no need to worry, as a solution can be found.

I hope my response is of assistance. Should you require further communication, you are invited to follow me (click on my personal homepage), select the Heart Exploration service, and communicate with me directly. Best regards, [Name]

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

It is often the case that there is much to be learned from a third party. While it is possible for three people to live together in harmony, it is perhaps less so in the context of romantic relationships, where there is a greater likelihood of causing harm and pain.

It could be said that true love is a responsibility.

The questioner has confirmed a romantic relationship with a female colleague. After getting along, they discovered that the other person is not only their lover, but that the three of them are crowded and suffering on the road of love. Because they are reluctant to let go, after much communication, they asked the other person to make a choice. The other person always promised well, but after making a commitment, they were unable to truly do it. This kind of relationship has caused the questioner a great deal of pain.

It is not uncommon for love to make us feel possessive. It is understandable to feel that we cannot accept the thought of our partner having someone else in their heart besides us. This is a normal reaction and a normal outlook on love. Confirming a relationship means taking on a sense of responsibility towards one's partner.

I find myself in a somewhat challenging situation.

Despite repeated promises, the other person has consistently fallen short of expectations. Rather than prolonging the suffering of all three parties involved, it might be more beneficial for someone to take the initiative to withdraw. Sometimes, letting go is also a form of love. With this in mind, the questioner has decided to end the relationship and avoid causing further difficulties for the other person.

The other option would be to separate, given that the other person holds an important position in the company, and her departure would undoubtedly have a significant impact on the company. There is also no one else who can replace her position for the time being. Continuing to meet would prevent the questioner from being able to let go of the other person, and there is no way to continue to get along with the other person normally as colleagues.

I'm unsure how to handle this relationship.

Sometimes, it's not just one issue that's causing us concern, but rather a combination of factors that makes it challenging for us to make a decision.

It might be helpful to consider that the questioner has some reservations about a threesome relationship. It seems there may be a difference of opinion between the questioner and the other person when it comes to relationships. Even if there is no third person involved, it's possible that the two of you may still experience some challenges due to your differing views on relationships.

It is worth noting that the gap in values between lovers can have an impact on the relationship, and the longer the two individuals spend together, the more they may find that the other person is becoming more and more distant from their own standards and fantasies. It may also be the case that the virtues they admired at the beginning are slowly disappearing.

It seems that the other person is unable to make a clear choice for themselves. They chose to be with the question asker without sorting out their other relationships, which may be perceived as unfair to the question asker and the other person. It appears that the other person is indecisive, and spending time with someone like this can be very draining. It might be helpful to stop in time to prevent further self-depletion.

It would be helpful to consider the pros and cons. From the questioner's perspective, it seems that he has a certain status in the company, which is why he is concerned about the potential impact of the other person's departure on the company. It may be helpful for him to weigh the financial benefits and the emotional pain and adjust his state of mind accordingly.

In light of the circumstances, when faced with the economic benefits and the need to maintain a relationship with the other person, or to let the other person go, it may be helpful to consider taking on the company's needs and calmly reflecting on whether you are better able to face the former or the latter, and thus make a choice.

☀️ Solving the problem: In this relationship between the three people, the questioner has tried and communicated. The questioner has used their own abilities to deal with the problem and wants to solve it properly, but the problem does not come from the questioner, so it would be best for the other person to make up their mind.

It is evident that the questioner has invested a great deal of effort and commitment. The other person has made numerous promises but seems to be experiencing some indecision between the questioner and another individual. Even if the other person ultimately decides to pursue a relationship with the questioner, it is important to consider the potential challenges and to ensure that both parties are prepared to invest in the relationship. Establishing trust is a crucial aspect of any relationship and it is essential to understand the steps required to build and maintain it.

It is possible that the other person may have certain emotional issues, regardless of the final choice of the original poster. It is possible that they may not be aware of these issues themselves, or that they may be aware of them but choose to avoid them. What is clear is that they are unable to solve these issues on their own.

The questioner can offer guidance and suggest seeking professional help, which may help the other person to gain insight into their true inner self and find their true self. Love is not necessarily about possessing, but also about providing support to those you love.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you well.

Hello! I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, a Heart Detective coach.

I really admire the questioner for considering the interests of the company when considering personal relationships. It's so great to see someone taking responsibility for their actions and thinking about the bigger picture!

We all know that breaking up and quitting a job can both have a big impact on an individual. It can mean having to restructure a relationship and secure a source of income. All these considerations make it difficult for us to make a quick decision. After all, we're all human, and we all want to seek out benefits and avoid harm.

The questioner might look at it from the perspective of a bystander.

From a relationship perspective, it might be seen as a bit unfair to ask someone to quit because of a failed relationship. After all, relationships are personal matters, and work is a public matter. Would it be wrong to mix the two?

From the company's perspective, when deciding whether to retain or dismiss an employee, it's important to consider the employee's personal abilities and professional performance, not her personal life. If the company asks the employee to resign because the employee is having a bad relationship, it might be a bit of a case of personal matters taking precedence over work.

From a romantic perspective, it might seem a bit immature to take administrative measures to make the other person leave your world. After all, the decision will harm the other person, so it's understandable why she might not agree to the arrangement.

I just want to check: could there be a hint of revenge?

I love you, and it's totally none of your business. When the questioner falls in love with the other person, it's only natural to want to respect their choice.

Despite the questioner's reminders, she repeatedly refused to say goodbye to another relationship. This is already a choice in itself, and it's okay to make the choice you feel is right for you.

I wonder if the other person knows that the questioner wants them to leave the company? I'd love to know what their reaction was!

Or could it be that the original poster already has a solution in mind, but just doesn't know how to bring it up?

It's so easy to get caught up in our emotions! I wonder if the questioner could take a step back and decide whether someone should stay or go based on what's best for everyone involved, rather than letting their emotions get in the way? If the decision was made after thinking things through, do you think the questioner's feelings would be different?

We all have colleagues we don't click with, and that's okay! How does the questioner handle their relationship with them? Do you also use your position to get them to leave the company?

This perspective might be a little immature, but that's okay!

When you think clearly about why you want the other person to leave, you might find that your decision changes. After all, if you love someone, you wouldn't want them to be unhappy, right?

Love is a wonderful thing. It can come from anywhere and it's so deep. Not all love is easy to respond to, but when you want to love the other person, you're actually just satisfying a certain emotional need of your own. It has nothing to do with the other person.

In terms of personal life, I can see how the behavior of the questioner's romantic partner might be seen as inappropriate. But at work, people are actually hired for their strengths! If the other person is doing a great job at work, and the questioner is neglecting work due to personal matters, it's not fair to the company. I believe that the questioner, who is so responsible, should not expect this result.

It might help to take some time apart, or even assign yourselves or your partner a business trip. You could also think about authorizing a work-from-home arrangement, allowing yourself to take a break, and then coming back with a fresh outlook to turn the page on the past.

We all face challenges in relationships, and it's not always easy to overcome them. But avoiding them might not be the best solution. If you can't be lovers, you can still be friends, colleagues, or even just ordinary acquaintances. Think about it this way: if your classmate from school broke up with their partner, would you still ask them to drop out of school? Probably not.

It might be a good idea to try adjusting to cope with your emotions.

I'd love to suggest a couple of books that I think you'll really enjoy! They're called "A Change of Heart" and "Burns' New Emotion Therapy."

Wishing you all the best!

Greetings. I am Jokerev, and I can discern the internal turmoil and distress you are experiencing.

Emotional entanglements are frequently the most challenging aspect of this situation, particularly given the intertwining of work and private life.

Your predicament exemplifies a profound philosophical quandary: the challenge of achieving equilibrium between personal emotional needs and practical responsibilities. Love, it can be argued, should be founded upon honesty, trust, and mutual respect. Her inability to make a clear choice has evidently resulted in detriment to your relationship.

Your decision demonstrates respect for your emotional well-being and personal value, which is crucial.

Nevertheless, the individual is confronted with the challenge of upholding ethical standards and assuming responsibility. His departure may result in losses for the company, which is a tangible and significant concern.

In this situation, it is recommended that you first take a moment to calm down. You can then engage in an in-depth communication with him, emphasizing that you require a clear timetable and action plan, not empty promises. If he is unable to resolve this problem in the short term, it may be possible to temporarily maintain a professional relationship while waiting for an opportune time to make adjustments to the personal relationship.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to consult with one's supervisor or the human resources department to ascertain whether the company can provide transitional solutions, such as temporary job transfers and reasonable work schedules, to mitigate the impact on company operations.

Conversely, in the long term, it is imperative for the company to implement a contingency plan to mitigate the risk of key personnel departing. The present moment offers a propitious opportunity to advance this plan, identify and nurture potential successors, and progressively diminish the extent of individual reliance.

Individuals are entitled to pursue their own happiness, yet they are also obliged to assume corresponding responsibilities. During this process, a brief period of distress and disorder may ensue, but this is also an integral aspect of the growth process.

It is unproductive to dwell on self-blame or to fret unduly about the future of the company. The reality is that the world is in a state of constant flux, and it is possible to achieve a new equilibrium amidst such change.

Prior to reaching a definitive conclusion, it is imperative to ascertain that the chosen course of action represents the most optimal solution, one that is founded upon a comprehensive understanding of the circumstances and a profound regard for the well-being of oneself and others.

Hello, I'm June Lai Feng.

After reading the synopsis, it's clear this is an unfair and deceitful situation. Keeping two lovers at the same time is hurtful and betraying one's feelings is unacceptable. This is a troubling situation that requires immediate attention.

You must consider carefully when faced with such an emotional and professional dilemma.

First, take the time to gain a deeper understanding of your own feelings and needs. Ask yourself which option is better for your well-being and mental health in the long term.

Ask yourself if you want to continue the relationship with your female colleague and if it aligns with your values and lifestyle. If it doesn't, end it.

Second, consider your career goals and personal values. A separation may cause the company to lose out in the short term, but maintaining personal integrity and professional reputation is more important in the long term.

If an immediate breakup would have a significant impact on the company, you should consider gradually reducing contact with the colleague while finding the right time and way to end the relationship. Alternatively, you can communicate with your female colleague again to see if you can find a mutually acceptable solution.

You can negotiate a gradual timetable for separation or minimize the impact on the company during the separation process.

You must respect your female colleague's choice, regardless of your decision. She has the right to choose her own lifestyle and relationships.

No matter what you decide, you must prioritize your physical and mental health. Maintain healthy habits and give yourself time to adjust and heal.

Prolonged suffering and conflict will negatively impact your work and life. If separation is your true inner desire, you must prioritize your own feelings.

The world and I love you. Be happy!

In psychology, this is known as a dichotomous conflict. When these conflicts exceed a person's ability to cope, they can unfortunately cause psychological distress or problems.

I can understand the dilemma you are currently facing.

Love is a wonderful thing. It has the power to bring immense psychological and spiritual joy, allowing us to enjoy ourselves and devote ourselves to work and life with boundless enthusiasm.

However, it seems that this love has a "flaw." It appears that this love does not belong just to the two of you, but rather involves a love triangle.

Both you and your "rival" are innocent.

It seems that the root of this somewhat unconventional love relationship can be attributed to the female colleague.

No matter how she acts, this kind of cheating is not only wrong, but also makes others uncomfortable.

In terms of love itself, it may be best to consider ending the relationship, as it is causing you to lose out on the full nourishment of love that you deserve.

However, your subconscious mind may be reluctant to end this relationship, which could be perceived as somewhat suffocating and even humiliating. At the same time, your rational mind and sense of morality may urge you to consider ending the relationship at some point.

If you would like to completely end this relationship, you may need to make some effort and sacrifices.

I believe you are correct in your assessment that if you simply end the relationship but remain in the company, it can be challenging to maintain a sense of calm and stability in both your personal and professional lives.

However, leaving the company may have some impact on the company, at least from your perspective. It also demonstrates your kindness and work ethic.

It might be helpful to remember that a short pain is often better than a long one. Rather than living and working in agony, it could be beneficial to have the courage to make a decision sooner rather than later.

It is possible that, after a period of adjustment, working with colleagues without your significant other may not be as difficult as you had imagined.

Given your strong commitment to your work and career, it may be helpful to consider that romantic feelings may not be the only factor at play.

Of course, if you find it challenging to maintain a positive working relationship with the other person after the breakup, you might consider exploring other options within the company.

It's possible that the company's perspective on the situation may differ from yours. Additionally, many companies have clear policies regarding office romances. In the event that two individuals are involved, one may need to consider a different role within the company.

Instead of dwelling on your situation, you may wish to consider taking steps to move forward. It is not uncommon for us to feel anxious and apprehensive about the future when we are faced with challenging circumstances. However, when we take action, we often find that the reality is not as daunting as we had imagined.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide how to move forward. While others may offer their insights, the decision is yours alone. This is a crucial step in your personal growth and development.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a counselor.

From the questioner's description, I can see the conflict and pain in the questioner's heart. We often hope for more in intimate relationships.

This will also cause problems in the relationship.

This is a tough situation. It's important to remember that the health of a relationship and both people's emotional well-being are key.

If a relationship is causing pain, it's better to end it sooner rather than later.

If you're in pain in a relationship, you need to make a change. If both you and your girlfriend are in pain, you both need to make changes to the relationship.

We can't discuss the original poster's question here, but we can give them some advice.

The questioner can have another honest conversation with the female colleague. Tell her how you feel and why you think separation is a better option.

Try to understand her situation and difficulties. Remain calm and rational. She also needs to make a clear choice and set a reasonable deadline.

The questioner also needs to say that if she can't decide, you'll have to.

Seek support. When facing emotional pain, the questioner may need support from friends, family, or professionals. Find trusted friends to share your feelings. Don't bear the pressure and pain alone.

The questioner may also need to see a career counselor or psychologist. They can help the questioner sort things out and find a better solution.

If you meet your partner at work, it can affect your work. You may want to change jobs. You can ask the human resources department or a career consultant if you can change your work without affecting the company.

You might be able to change departments, adjust your job responsibilities, or do field work. If you really want to change jobs, do so only when you are sure.

Consider the company's interests. As an employee, the questioner must consider the company's interests. If the female colleague's position is important and there is no other suitable candidate, the questioner must weigh personal emotions and the company's interests.

Ask the company's leaders if there are ways to reduce the impact of the separation on the company.

Personal decision: The questioner needs to make a choice for their own happiness. Before making a final decision, make a plan.

Think about when and how you'll leave and how you'll tell the company. Make your plan as complete and reasonable as possible to avoid problems.

Accept and draw conclusions: What feelings did this relationship bring to the questioner? What did the questioner experience? The questioner can try to understand what they want in a relationship.

Finally, accept the consequences of your decision. Be prepared for how it will affect you and work hard to deal with it.

You will find better opportunities and people in the future.

The issue should be handled with respect and integrity. Remain professional and avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Consider everyone's feelings and the company's interests. This is a complicated situation that requires time and patience.

It's important to communicate clearly and take a firm stance. I believe the questioner will make the best decision and move on from this.

I hope this helps the questioner.

Hello, I am grateful for the opportunity to address your question. I hope that my suggestions will be of some assistance to you.

With regard to the current situation, it would seem that the most important question for us to consider is whether we wish to continue this relationship.

We would like to consider the additional factor of whether the work will be affected. This will depend on who is leaving or whether they want to leave.

It is important to remember that leaving the company is not a decision that is based on feelings of love.

It would be beneficial to consider whether the departure of an employee would affect the company. This is something that the boss himself may wish to reflect on. Even the senior management could perhaps benefit from considering this issue.

If we were in a position to make decisions on behalf of this company, we would have to consider whether it would be beneficial for an employee to leave.

For employees, apart from the boss and shareholders, it may be helpful to consider this matter from a sense of responsibility and professional ethics. If this problem is not our first priority,

I would like to present a more negative and extreme example.

For instance, if a family member falls ill and I am required to return to my hometown to assist with family matters, my departure may not be resolved within a week or two, and it may take several months. In such a scenario, I may consider resigning from my position, despite its relative importance.

At this time, I believe that my responsibilities to the company and to my family are not mutually exclusive. The company's interests are ultimately in the hands of its owners and shareholders, who can make comprehensive judgments. I believe that I can take my work home based on our own professional ethics and professionalism. Before someone is hired, I will work remotely. Even after someone is hired, I will actively and thoroughly hand over my work.

Perhaps it would be best to leave some company issues to the boss.

To put it simply, if we were to make a million for the company, would that be something I would be entitled to? If not, then the question would naturally be who would receive the million and who would be responsible for the operation and development of the company (in this case, the only thing we need to consider is whether we can get a commission and how much).

So, if I might suggest, we should consider whether or not we want to maintain the relationship.

If the other person is unable to handle this problem, and at this time we ourselves have the ability to handle this problem, perhaps it would be beneficial to consider handling it ourselves and relying on the other person.

In such a situation, it is important to remember that we must respect the other person's autonomy and decision-making abilities, even if we believe they are not equipped to handle the situation. Is this not a challenging decision or a relinquishment of rights on our part?

In addition, it would be beneficial to consider the option of leaving the job.

Ultimately, the decision to resign or be transferred is up to the individual in the position.

It is worth noting that the decision to terminate employment or transfer an individual is ultimately at the discretion of the boss, leader, or owner. However, the question of whether one wishes to continue working in a particular position or with a specific company is a personal one.

Ultimately, it is up to me to decide whether or not I want to handle this issue myself. As for whether it would be awkward or detrimental to the work process after a breakup as colleagues, I believe that is something he needs to consider, not something we need to worry about.

I will give it some thought. If we are still colleagues after the breakup, I may feel a bit embarrassed, so I think it would be best for me to resign.

Similarly, if after a breakup I feel fine with it, whether it's a colleague or an ex-relationship, it won't affect me in any way, and I can just get on with my work as usual. However, if the other person feels awkward, it might be best for them to consider other options.

And so on. I have come back to the essential question, which is how to handle this relationship. We have the option of making the decision ourselves or allowing the other person to make the decision. If we choose to let the other person make the decision, we can give them a deadline within which to make their decision. If they are unable to make a decision by the deadline, we will make the decision ourselves and handle the relationship.

I hope that through self-reflection, you can find a way to deal with it that suits you and is in line with your needs, while also taking into account the impact on your life and work.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you!