After failing to get into graduate school after graduating from university, and suffering a family tragedy, I failed to achieve anything and wanted to disappear without a trace.

There are lots of things in life that seem accidental, but they're actually inevitable. There are no accidents in life, only repeated predestinations. Life may seem absurd, but how you can gain the courage to continue living in this absurd world is something you'll only slowly begin to understand. Your biggest problem is the darkness within you, so you'll know what you should do with your life.

We all have to treat each other with respect. It's important to remember that when we treat others poorly, they'll likely treat us the same way in the future. We have to accept the consequences of our actions.

We can change our character and qualities. We can't stay the same for the rest of our lives, but making these changes takes a lot of determination and can't be done overnight. When we don't restrain ourselves and let our emotions run wild, we'll eventually face the consequences.

Nothing is as simple as it seems. People always act according to their own perceptions, but things are constantly changing. It's better to look at and solve problems from the original perspective. However, because perceptions lag behind, things will be underestimated, which will lead to unpredictable developments.

Everything takes longer than you think. When we face ourselves, we'll always have unrealistic expectations of the things we've worked hard for. But when we think about this, we often don't understand ourselves fully. Everyone's abilities are limited, and we all have our good and bad sides. We can only have a reasonable understanding by accepting our own shortcomings and starting from our actual situation.

Things will go wrong, and they always have. You're not the only one who's experienced this. Everyone has encountered it at some point. No one is perfect. It's not about making mistakes, but rather missing the chance to make amends and eventually encountering an error that's impossible to combat. This kind of experience makes us more careful and meticulous to avoid a greater crisis.

You've had plenty of chances to change in the past, and you still have many of the same plans now. The past has been shaped by missed opportunities, and now it's time to start anew and head towards your own future. What happened in the past can't be changed, and the future is unpredictable. All we can do is face what's to come with the kind of self we are. No matter how many predictions we make in our minds, without making substantial changes and building on them, it will only end in regret and repeated self-blame.

No matter how others see you or what they think of you, it's your actions and efforts that determine your success. Your character and how others perceive you won't make or break you on an exam. It's not true that if others think highly of you, you'll succeed, and it's not true that if they don't, you'll fail.

When we're facing big challenges in life, it's important not to get stressed. We need to look beyond the surface and really understand the root of the problem.

Hello, questioner! You asked, "I failed to get into graduate school after graduating from university, my family had a tragedy, I've accomplished nothing, and I want to disappear without a trace."

From your question, I can sense your inner pain, sadness, shame, disappointment, and even despair about your future. You may be feeling overwhelmed by the pressure of so many negative emotions. Let me give you a warm hug from afar to comfort your wounded heart. Now let's tackle your question head-on.

You failed the postgraduate entrance exam after graduating from university. There were family misfortunes. You rejected a good match because of your low self-esteem. You have achieved nothing so far. You have uncontrollable emotions every day. You have a bad personality. You speak harshly. You have no sense of gratitude. You wear a long face every day. You like to complain behind people's backs. Every time you curse someone, they will be heard by the person concerned.

Since elementary school, your teachers have disliked you, you have few friends, and your relatives hate you because you are ungrateful. After graduating from college, many elementary school teachers still remember you, but they still ignore you, treat you like a stranger, roll their eyes at you, and say that you definitely won't pass the civil service exam. You also ignore them. Your high school teachers often think you are sick.

You come to understand that the people around you are not your friends. They do not want you to succeed. Some of them were pleased when they learned that you failed the civil servant exam. When you took the exam, your relatives of the same age group sent a WeChat message saying that you wouldn't pass. You have come to realize that you cannot trust other people. You find them hypocritical and disgusting.

You're becoming more and more indifferent. You have low quality and poor character, and you're stingy. They dislike you more and more for it. You hear them talking behind your back, and you become hysterical, emotionally unstable, and shout.

When you're in a negative mood, it's easy to think negatively.

In today's world, competition is fierce. Every year, millions of college graduates enter the job market, but there are only a limited number of positions. Many people are competing for those few jobs, which is already difficult. Coupled with the impact of the pandemic in recent years, many companies are facing staff cuts, business closures, and employee unemployment. The overall environment and situation are not conducive to college students' employment. However, the number of people taking postgraduate entrance exams has increased by hundreds of thousands or even millions each year in recent years, and the competition for postgraduate entrance exams is also really fierce.

It's normal that you didn't get into either school. After all, the two schools you applied to were both very difficult to get into. You just didn't get in, so there's nothing to be upset about. You were brave to apply to these two schools, which were both very difficult to get into.

You failed both times, so you feel pressure and frustration. You'll have negative emotions and doubt yourself, deny yourself, criticize yourself, and attack yourself. When you're in a negative mood, you'll think negatively about yourself, your surroundings, other people, and everything else.

You need to stop attacking yourself, stop denying yourself, and pause your thinking. Deal with your negative emotions first.

You must acknowledge, accept, and express your negative emotions.

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They are a kind of energy. Negative emotions give people unpleasant experiences, while positive emotions give people pleasant experiences.

Don't suppress your emotions. They need to be seen, understood, accepted, and expressed. You've accumulated a lot of negative emotions after these two frustrating events. These include resentment, helplessness, hopelessness, disappointment, sadness, pain, and sadness. You need to see, understand, accept, and express these emotions.

Write about your experience taking postgraduate entrance exams and civil service exams. It's a form of psychological writing therapy. When you write about the incident in detail, you can express your emotions fully without worrying about others knowing. You are writing for yourself.

What doesn't defeat us makes us stronger.

You failed the postgraduate entrance exam and the civil service exam, and your family had a tragedy. But that doesn't mean you've accomplished nothing. These are objective facts. We can't change objective facts, but they can't defeat us so easily.

You say you've achieved nothing, but that's not true. You've passed the national exams again and again, got into high school, and then university. You've squeezed through the narrow gate, and you can't say you've achieved nothing.

You are one of the few college students in China. You can get into college, which is an achievement you have already made. You have just graduated from college, you are not old, you have not walked more than a quarter of the road of life, and there is still a long way to go in the future. You will not sentence your life to death halfway through.

You can get through this. What doesn't defeat us makes us stronger. Believe in yourself.

Questioner, I am certain my answer has been helpful!

The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Nothing is impossible. I see that you failed the postgraduate entrance exam after graduating from university, that there was a family tragedy, that you have achieved nothing, and that you want to disappear without a trace. I feel that you are very lost and frustrated.

You didn't pass the postgraduate entrance exam after graduating from university, your family went through a tough time, you turned down a good match because of your inferiority complex, and you haven't achieved much so far. You feel out of control every day.

You say you have a bad character, low quality, speak harshly, have no gratitude, wear a long face every day, like to complain behind people's backs, and every time you scold someone, the person will hear you. Since elementary school, your teachers didn't like you, you didn't have many friends, and your relatives hated you because you were stingy and didn't know how to be grateful.

After you graduated from university, many of your former acquaintances said that you definitely wouldn't pass the civil servant exam, but you ignored them. Gradually, you discovered that most people around you didn't want you to do well. Some people even laughed when they heard that you had failed the exam. When you were taking the exam, your relatives of the same age sent WeChat messages saying that you wouldn't pass. So you gradually didn't want to deal with other people. You felt that those people were hypocritical and disgusting.

You're becoming more and more indifferent. You think your qualities are low, your character is poor, and you're stingy, so people increasingly dislike you. You hear them talking behind your back and you become hysterical, emotionally devastated, shouting and screaming because you feel so angry, sad, and in pain.

I get the sense that you've had a rough time. You're aware of how you behave and how you treat others, and you're sensitive to their feelings. It must have been tough for you to go all the way to university graduation in an environment where you're not liked. You're strong and better than many people.

You say you haven't achieved anything, but I think you have expectations of yourself. It's just that you haven't met them that makes you feel negative about yourself.

It seems like you've always been in denial about yourself. You've mentioned so many of your unlikable characteristics, but I still believe you have your own merits because everyone has their own advantages. You just don't see your own merits.

There are two concepts in psychology that I think are worth mentioning here. They are projection and identification. I'll let Wu Zhihong explain them in his book, May You Have a Life Illuminated by Love.

How someone treats others is a reflection of their inner self.

How others treat you reflects their inner feelings, which is called projection.

How a person treats others is also influenced by how others treat them.

How others treat you is also a result of your own actions, which is called identification.

I also suggest you read this book. I hope you find it useful.

If you feel bad about yourself, others, and the world, it'll naturally affect your attitude towards others. They'll get tired of you and treat you badly in return.

The way we see others and the world is a reflection of what's going on inside us. Our thoughts shape how we see the world, and the same goes for how we see others.

There's a golden rule for interpersonal relationships: "Treat others as you would like them to treat you." If you want others to treat you well, you've got to treat them well first. But just because you treat others well doesn't mean they'll treat you well.

You get to decide how you treat others, and they get to decide how they treat you. That means you can adjust your attitude and behavior based on how they treat you and choose to associate with people you feel comfortable with.

Every choice and action has a corresponding price, like not getting a reward for being nice to others or getting a bad reward for being mean. Every choice comes with a risk, and everyone has to live with the consequences of their own choices. This is growth.

There are ups and downs to growing up.

If you want to attract the person you like to be near you, you have to make yourself likeable first.

I hope you can get through your difficulties soon and wish you the best of luck.

Hello question asker!

The question shows how overwhelmed the OP is.

The questioner has too much self-doubt! How can an unworthy person get into university?

This shows the questioner is still very good! He is also taking more exams, which shows he is very motivated. First, give yourself some affirmation!

Second, the questioner's words and language show he is denying himself. He said he is inferior, which makes people show more negative emotions. When people are negative, they receive negative information.

Do the teachers still make negative comments? How would the questioner know?

How prominent does the questioner have to be for the teacher to still comment like that after all these years?

The exam didn't get blessings from relatives the same age. This shows the questioner is good and others are jealous.

People will feel jealous of someone who is better than them!

Advice for the questioner:

1. Focus on something you like to feel better.

Smile at the mirror for 20 minutes a day and laugh at yourself. You can change your mood!

3. I live for myself. What you know is often wrong, and what you feel is often not true!

4. Be grateful! If you don't feel grateful, try to be. It's important.

Make people feel valuable and they'll help you.

Meditate or hypnotize yourself out of a bad mood.

I hope this helps! Happy!

I am Gu Yi. I am modest and self-effacing, and I remain true to myself.

The majority of attitudes held by others towards us are projections of our own psychological processes.

Dear questioner, If, based on your description, you perceive interpersonal relationships and changes to be particularly frustrating and helpless, it may be beneficial to consider alternative perspectives.

There are numerous patterns and ideas pertaining to social interaction. The adage "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" serves as an apt illustration of this phenomenon. The perception of the other person as either positive or negative is contingent upon the nature of the relationship and is influenced by one's own thoughts.

As previously stated, regardless of how others perceive and interact with us, it is essential to first examine our own self-perception. Our selection of adjectives to describe ourselves is often dominated by negative terms. This raises the question of how we can foster positivity in our interactions with others when our internal monologue is predominantly negative.

The following section presents a series of recommendations for modifying one's perspective.

One may attempt to alter their perspective by incorporating affirmative and positive terminology. It is challenging to alter one's opinion of an individual or a situation, therefore, it may be beneficial to replace pessimistic and negative language with neutral terms and then with affirmative language.

When others or ourselves feel that we are not good enough, we can reassure ourselves that it is acceptable to try, or that we may not be able to achieve 100 points, but that if we try hard, we can still attain 60 points. By allowing ourselves the possibility of achieving this, we can generate the motivation to do so.

The same can be said of interpersonal relationships. If one presents another person with a wholly inaccurate picture of one's own position, it is inevitable that the other person will feel sadness. What goes around comes around; one must therefore be prepared to face the truth and admit one's mistakes in order to reap a positive outcome.

I extend my best wishes to you.