After my son started junior high school, his grades became increasingly unsatisfactory. He is now at the bottom of the class. What should I do?

Good morning, wonderful parents! My name is Shi, and I'm a psychological counselor. I'm here to help your son navigate the exciting new world of junior high school. I understand that his grades haven't reached your expectations yet, but I'm confident we can work together to find solutions that will make you feel confident and proud. You're a parent who is very aware of learning and change, and I'm excited to see what we can achieve together!

We parents have also been through puberty at least once, and we should be thrilled that our children's sense of self is awakening! Children at this stage in particular want to be independent and mentally separate from their parents, but they are unable to do so materially or psychologically. Therefore, they will have internal conflicts and sometimes behave well and sometimes rebel—and that's okay!

Parents, this is so important!

After my son started his second year of junior high school, his grades took a bit of a dip, but he's still doing great! He used to be very obedient and well-behaved, and when he got home, he would chatter away about the interesting things that happened at school.

I can see that the child was previously lively and cheerful, and had a solid emotional foundation with his parents. He entered the second year of junior high school, and the difficulty and subjects of his homework increased. He was unable to adapt for a while, but he's doing great now!

When he encounters certain difficulties in his studies, he has no time to care about the interesting people and things at school. Perhaps there is nothing interesting in his eyes, or perhaps he doesn't feel the need to tell you about the interesting things?

[Now when he gets home, he goes into his room, locks the door, doesn't want to talk to his family, and argues with them when they say something to him. For his own good, it doesn't matter if you try to communicate with him, criticize him harshly, or even hit him, it's all useless.

So, what exactly do you do after locking the door? When you get a few words said back at you, you argue back! What kind of time, style, and questions do parents use when talking to their children?

When a child is ready for independence, it's our job as parents to give them the space to grow. We can't treat them like children forever. Criticizing and hitting them won't help them become independent. It will only make things worse. We need to give them the freedom to make their own choices. This will help them become confident and independent.

[He always says that we don't respect him. But why not? We can show him respect in so many ways!] Does he really need to use this as an excuse to avoid respecting his parents and elders?

Teach children the wonderful premise of respecting their parents and elders. We also need to respect the needs of a minor child to have independent thoughts, space, and secrets. It's easier said than done, but it's so worth it! The way we communicate with them is on an equal footing, as a family member, as your friend to knock on their heart.

I'm really curious about why a child who is self-motivated to study doesn't play games, read novels, or use the phone. It's so interesting that his academic performance is worse than other children in the same class who do play games, read novels, and use the phone! I'm very excited to learn more and find out what I can do to help.

I'm sure you'll agree that your child's lack of interest in games, phones and novels is probably because you're in control of the phone and they don't have other options. Have you ever considered that they might have difficulty communicating with their peers? And when it comes to learning, is it a problem of listening efficiency or a problem of learning methods? This is also a lesson that parents need to learn.

Now for some great advice for parents!

Let's try lowering expectations, changing the established communication methods, showing respect for the child, and communicating with the child on an equal footing!

2. It's time to give your kids the attention they deserve! Encourage them to interact with their classmates in a reasonable way and help them build positive relationships with their peers.

3. The most important thing is that parents get to learn how to be the absolute best, most qualified parents of an adolescent child!

Hello, I'm the place of peace.

As a mother, I can relate to your frustration. Why has my formerly well-behaved child suddenly become this way?

His grades have dropped, he comes home silent, and you have no idea what's going on in his mind. It's a pretty helpless feeling.

Previously, he was happy to share what happened at school with you when he came home, which suggests that your family dynamic is relatively open and that you don't place too many restrictions on your child. Is that right?

Second-year junior high school kids are going through typical adolescent stuff. They're starting to realize they're not kids anymore and want to show it. They want to be independent and don't like being controlled, so they often act out with rebellious and disobedient behavior.

From their perspective, rebellion is a sign of growth. However, they may feel unable to break away from their parents' care and achieve true independence. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and powerlessness, which can then manifest as anger.

However, at the moment, they just don't understand why they feel this way and think these emotions are normal and reasonable. This is a normal stage of life.

They don't need to be overly anxious or fearful, and they shouldn't blame themselves or feel guilty.

To help kids understand this, parents might need to show more patience and love, and give them unconditional understanding, support, acceptance, and tolerance.

Maybe you don't have to say or do anything. Just show them you care. Let them know that no matter what, they're accepted and included by their parents. Remind them that they're loved.

If the child feels like they can rely on this love, I think it'll open the door to change.

It can be tough for parents to do this, though. They really need to be patient and persevere.

If you feel like you've tried everything and you really want to make a change, you can always seek psychological help.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello, parents!

It's totally normal for parents to feel this way when they're facing big changes in their kids. It can be really uncomfortable, and it's natural to feel at a loss. It's okay to feel unsure about what to do.

I'm Liu Junling, a psychological counselor, and it's so great to connect with you here. I'm happy to share what I've learned to help bring some light into your situation.

Let's take a moment to understand why our kids are going through these changes.

It's totally normal for adolescents to test the limits and push boundaries. It's a natural part of their growth and development. They're exploring their autonomy and wanting to make their own decisions about things that matter to them. It's also a time when they're trying to break away from their dependence on adults. But, as they navigate this transition, they might feel a bit insecure. It's a phase where they're constantly changing between independence and dependence, and they're also experiencing a lot of confusion. It's a big change for them, and it's okay to be there.

Children change, and parents also need to change with their children, so that communication and getting along between children and parents may go more smoothly. But your child was always so well-behaved and obedient before adolescence, and his academic performance was not bad at all!

It's totally normal to feel anxious about your child's poor grades in the second year of junior high school. It's also normal to feel overwhelmed and at a loss when your child is going through a rebellious phase. It's a challenging time for parents, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow together.

I just wanted to remind you that in your question you mentioned that your child wants you to respect him. I don't know if you've felt it, but your child is expressing himself in this way, hoping that you will notice his feelings. If you scold or nag your child, he won't feel respected or noticed, and it will be difficult to achieve your expectations.

Children at this stage really need our support and companionship, so it's important that we parents keep our emotions and attitudes towards our children positive. We can all benefit from practising mindfulness meditation when we have time to relax our body and mind and adjust our emotions.

As you journey with your child, you'll find it's really helpful to use the method of non-violent communication. This is a book written by Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg. There are still so many benefits to using non-violent communication to improve parent-child relationships! The model of non-violent communication is quite different from the communication model we've always used, so it does take some time to train.

I've put together this little book with the four elements of the non-violent communication model in it, hoping it will inspire you!

1. Talk about the specific things you've noticed. There's no need to judge, criticize, or accuse.

2. Talk about your feelings, such as sadness, anger, and rage.

3. Talk about the things you need to feel loved and cared for, like liking cleanliness and how hard he studies.

4. And finally, make a specific request—something concrete that you'd like to see happen.

The parent-child relationship is one of the most important in the family, and it needs to be nurtured with care. While problems in the parent-child relationship can cause worry and anxiety, they also provide parents and children with a wonderful opportunity to grow and learn from each other. It's so important to embrace this opportunity and see it as a way to contribute to the harmonious development of the family.

I really hope my answer gives you a little inspiration, and I truly wish you'll gain something from spending time with your child.

After starting the second year of junior high school, your son's grades plummeted. He's transformed into a different person from the obedient and well-behaved boy you knew before. This has left you perplexed and disappointed.

"It's for his own good, but it doesn't matter whether you try to communicate with him, criticize him harshly, or even hit him. It makes me feel that you are very helpless. You are eager to help your child, but trying many methods has not been helpful. You are very helpless and anxious.

"He always says that we don't respect him. Does he need to use such an excuse to avoid respecting his parents and elders?" This makes you feel very confused. You need to understand that it is not only right for him to listen to his parents, but it is also a sign of respect for his parents. You don't seem to understand the meaning of what he means by "not respecting him."

This text is not long, but it conveys the many emotions of a parent of a teenager: confusion, anxiety, disappointment, and helplessness. First, I'll give you a big hug.

The psychological characteristics of adolescents are as follows:

Psychologist Erik Erikson's theory of personality development in eight stages states that children reaching the age of 12-18, commonly referred to as adolescents, must navigate a critical period of personality development. They must observe the world around them, including the attitudes and responses of those around them, the various social roles they play, etc., to think clearly about who they really are and how they relate to society now and in the future. This is known as "identity" in psychology.

They must resolve the psychological conflict between role confusion and unity and form a three-dimensional perception of themselves.

Children at this stage may at one time believe they can do anything, and at another time feel apprehensive and afraid of this or that. They are full of emotions, with great ups and downs, and have difficulty controlling their emotions. They may even sometimes not know what they really want, which can result in violent conflicts with their family members.

This is a critical period. If development goes well and conflicts are resolved, the child will develop loyalty, know their position, form a neutral view of themselves, know what is good or bad about them, and have thoughts and plans for the future. If development is poor, the child will not form a perception of themselves or the world, lack a sense of belonging, be cold and indifferent, lack care, and may even close their heart.

Once we understand the psychological characteristics of children during this period, we must learn how to interact with them and avoid family conflicts and disputes.

"How to Get Along with an Adolescent Child"

First, understand the psychological characteristics of this stage. Don't treat him as if he were sick or label him. Everyone needs to go through this stage. Some people may have a smooth adolescence and not experience puberty until they are older.

Respect him, trust him, and give him the freedom to do his best. He can do better, and he will work hard to solve his own problems.

Communicate with him as an equal. If he is unwilling to communicate, don't force him. Give him some freedom. You can postpone this for now and be a strong support for him.

Your son is anxious and disappointed about the decline in his grades. He may have already begun to doubt his abilities and classify himself as a "bad student." Due to the growth of male hormones during puberty, he is very sensitive and can feel your disappointment and dislike for him. He is eager to prove himself to you, so when you scold and hit him, he does not admit defeat and even wants to confront you head-on.

I advise you to step back, give him freedom, and let him organize his life and studies. Treat him like an adult, as a friend.

Learn some empathy techniques and understand how he feels. Don't blame him.

For example, you could say, "You didn't do well this time, and I know you're disappointed too. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"If the subject is relatively poor, ask for his opinion and get a tutor for extra lessons.

From my experience, I can say with confidence that boys will do well again in their second or third year of high school, provided they successfully navigate adolescence.

You must first solve the psychological and communication problems, and then solve the academic performance problems.

You can also find books on major platforms on how to get along with your adolescent child, such as Psychology of Parent-Child Communication in Adolescence Ages 10-16 and Reconciliation with Adolescence.

I am confident that the above points will be of some help to you.

Good day, landlord. The landlord's inquiry, along with the language and punctuation used in the description, convey a sense of urgency, concern, and distress regarding the child's academic performance. I empathize with your situation, as I have also experienced similar challenges and recognize the difficulties involved.

As a mother who has also experienced puberty and a lengthy period of learning, I would like to extend a sincere offer to your child. I would like to meet with him in person, look him in the eye, and tell him, "My child, I am not an all-powerful mother. I may have overlooked your feelings in some way, causing you to feel confused right now. If you are willing, when you feel ready, I am willing to discuss this with you and find a solution together, or seek help together."

As the original poster indicated, the son's performance in his second year of junior high school is below average, and he previously exhibited exemplary behavior and communication skills. However, he has now become uncooperative and isolated. We have employed a combination of positive and negative reinforcement, but this approach has not yielded the desired results. The child feels disrespected, and it is unclear whether this is a contributing factor to his defiance.

I must confess that I am at a loss as to the meaning of this sentence. The mother in question attempted to ascertain information about the child by consulting with other parents. She stated that adolescents who engage in rebellious behavior, children with poor study habits, and those who come from households where parents lack understanding will inevitably perform poorly in school.

I am awaiting a solution to this problem.

Firstly, I would like to confirm with the original poster:

1. Please describe any notable occurrences at home during this period, particularly between the father and mother or other individuals with close proximity to the child.

2. Could you kindly elaborate on any developments at the child's educational institution? How are the relationships with teachers and classmates?

Please advise if there have been any changes.

3. Has there been any change in the child's circumstances? Has the landlord become aware of the situation?

If the aforementioned issues do not significantly impact the child's daily life and learning, we can proceed to discuss the adolescent phase. The original poster's description of the child's behavior aligns with the onset of adolescence, marked by significant changes in all aspects of the child's life. However, the original poster may not yet be equipped to navigate these changes effectively. The child's previous conduct and compliance may have created an inaccurate perception, leading the original poster to view the adolescent phase as an unexpected challenge.

Adolescence is often referred to as the child's "second rebellious period." This is a time when the body and mind are rapidly developing but unbalanced, resulting in a period full of contradictions. Consequently, it is also known as a "difficult period" or "crisis period." For further details, please refer to relevant books. The host can treat himself as an "adult," pursue "equal social status," and long for parents or the external environment to give him "adult-like" "trust" and "respect."

If the child feels that he is not being respected, and the host at the time did not fully understand the characteristics of adolescent children, did the host take the time to confirm with the child what exactly the child needs in terms of respect? What specific aspects should the parents cooperate on? It is evident that the host did not consider the significance of respect to the child at that moment. As a result, the child had mediocre grades, refused to communicate, did not accept guidance (i.e., the parents no longer saw him as obedient), and eventually rebelled (arguing with the parents).

It is therefore evident that when children are deeply immersed in this kind of physical and psychological conflict, all their experiences are used for resistance and internal consumption, leaving no additional energy for learning. Consequently, a decline in grades is inevitable.

If the original poster had a deeper understanding of the characteristics of adolescence, they would probably understand the tremendous pressure on modern children to survive. They could consider seeking professional family counseling with their children to address the issue. Of course, the original poster could also try to learn and grow on their own, but this is a long process and requires long-term psychological preparation.

It is the children who suffer the consequences of family problems. How can you tell if there is a problem? The answer is when various problems appear in the child to remind the parents that perhaps it is time for a change.

The above represents a synthesis of parenting insight and experience drawn from a mother who has studied psychology for more than four years.

Dear host,

I particularly appreciate your genuine inquiries.

I recently had a difference of opinion with my best friend regarding educational matters.

They informed me that the students had invested a great deal of effort and that this was reflected in their grades. They expressed concern about their own children not working as hard as they could and shared their thoughts on child-rearing.

I actually said, in all sincerity, that reading was so challenging when I was younger, and now I always feel that reading is actually enjoyable. Is it perhaps best not to push your child to do this and that from an early age?

It was a rather spirited exchange of ideas.

The host made a very good point: some people get good grades without working very hard. I encourage my child to study every day, but I'm not sure why he's not doing as well as he could be.

First, it is important to note that this is not solely a matter of intelligence. Second, it seems that a significant factor may be the child's difficulty in accepting himself. How can this be addressed? It may be beneficial to consider the role of parental acceptance and unconditional love in this process.

It might be helpful to tell your child that no matter what he becomes, you will love and support him. You might also consider telling him that learning is not the only criterion for success. It could be beneficial to let him realize that learning is not just about books, but also about watching workers fix bicycles, sell things, sing, and learn from everywhere.

Secondly, it is important to understand that learning is not a one-time event. Rather, it is a continuous process that requires consistent practice and dedication. Thirdly, I admire Kobe Bryant for his exemplary dedication and commitment to excellence. He famously said, "The sun rises every morning at 4 o'clock." This quote resonates with me deeply and serves as a reminder of the importance of perseverance and consistency in pursuing one's goals.

I believe it may be possible to set an idol for your child. Please take as much time as you need.

I would be grateful to hear any ideas you may have. I hope you know that you and the world are loved!

It is advisable to take a moment to calm your emotions before attempting to resolve the issue at hand.

1. To alleviate your concerns, it would be beneficial to adopt a more open-minded approach. It is no longer a guarantee that a student who has studied hard will have a bright future.

Many students who studied abroad at prestigious universities do not earn millions of dollars a year when they return to China. Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg did not attend university.

I also have a senior who pursued the same course of study and subsequently withdrew from college. He is currently the proprietor of a modest enterprise, though I am uncertain as to its current financial status.

Since dropping out of college in his junior year, he has been spending money recklessly. However, he is able to support himself and his employees.

It is a fallacy to believe that life is about studying hard, getting a good job with a high income, and then being happy and complete. Those who are too busy working overtime and dying suddenly, earning money but having no time to spend it, are no better off than those who are worry-free, living their own little lives, and having a happy and warm family.

Not being outstanding does not equate to being unhappy.

To resolve an issue, one must identify its root cause. There is no need to become overly anxious. There are always more solutions than problems.

Despite the current challenges, the future remains promising. The child will ultimately identify his own path in life.

It would be beneficial for him to learn to take responsibility for himself. It is possible that he lacks a clear goal and is unsure of the rationale behind his studies.

It is also possible that he has been experiencing some personal difficulties recently. Therefore, it would be beneficial to pay closer attention to his emotional and emotional needs. It should be noted that, in addition to work, emotions are also an important aspect of a person's life, and therefore contribute to their overall well-being.

Robots are capable of working without fatigue for an extended period. Encourage him to identify a goal that he is motivated to pursue.

If feasible, explore the possibility of studying abroad. This could include considering programs at institutions with beautiful campus environments, a strong learning atmosphere, active student activities, and good job prospects.

You encourage him to pursue further studies, but he is reluctant. You are frustrated and exhausted. Provide him with a clear vision, hope, and motivation.

He will become a perpetual motion machine. The key to problem-solving is the method.

Dear Parent, After reading your words, I can see the sadness, worry, and confusion that you are experiencing. I am also the parent of a middle school student and can relate to your situation. Children in the second year of junior high school are at the beginning of puberty. Many parents around me also had trouble communicating with their children when they were around 14 years old. They found that their children were becoming increasingly disobedient and even difficult to get along with.

Furthermore, you are experiencing a sense of concern regarding your child's apparent decline in academic performance. It is evident that you are preoccupied with your child's growth and development on a daily basis.

Let us discuss the issues that are causing you concern.

Firstly, the decline in your child's academic performance has caused you considerable distress.

It is undoubtedly distressing for the majority of mothers when their child's academic performance declines, as they tend to become preoccupied with their child's future development and future living conditions. I have experienced this first-hand and am aware that the difficulty of learning has increased significantly during the current second year of junior high school. Some children will not be able to adapt, and many will face challenges and may even lose confidence in themselves.

In the contemporary era, children tend to prioritize academic pursuits, with their grades serving as a significant determinant of their self-evaluation. Consequently, a decline in academic performance is not only a distressing experience for parents but also for children. This decline encompasses not only the score itself but also the child's self-evaluation, which may become negatively skewed, leading to beliefs such as "I am terrible," "I am stupid," and "I have poor learning abilities."

It is possible that some children may not be adversely affected by their engagement in gaming activities, even if they spend the majority of their time studying. However, this does not guarantee that they will achieve a satisfactory level of learning. In such cases, the issue of learning motivation and the choice of learning methods become crucial.

The relative standing of a child in a class is dependent upon the specific school and the particular class. A comparison of a child's grades with the overall performance of the year level or with the performance of other students in the second year of junior high school may not necessarily provide a more positive perception. Additionally, the learning tasks currently assigned to children are often more challenging than those assigned in the past. Many highly educated parents are also unable to assist their children with their studies. The competitive nature of children's academic pursuits can present a significant challenge for both parents and children.

Furthermore, contemporary educational practice increasingly prioritizes academic performance as the primary criterion for evaluating students. Parents who are able to evaluate their children from multiple perspectives or who encourage their children to develop themselves in multiple dimensions, recognizing their strengths in different areas, may be better equipped to maintain confidence in the face of academic setbacks.

Secondly, the challenge of effective communication with your child has resulted in significant distress for you and your family.

Indeed, parenting is a challenging endeavor. It is natural for parents to desire that their children communicate with them effectively and demonstrate affection. However, poor communication can lead to a sense of disappointment and frustration, particularly when parents feel that they have invested significant emotional energy in their children's care and guidance, yet still lack the level of understanding and appreciation they desire.

Upon hearing your child express discontent with a perceived lack of respect, it became evident that he sought to convey his feelings and to be understood. While complaining may be perceived as a less than ideal form of communication, it is nevertheless a means of expressing oneself.

He is indicating that he lacks your comprehension and that your relationship is causing him distress. Consequently, it is vital to enhance the relationship.

It is a challenging endeavor for individuals to maintain harmonious relationships with one another. Even adults who possess a certain degree of communication proficiency often encounter misunderstandings. Communicating with children who are still developing their communication skills requires a great deal of patience and the utilization of effective techniques. In addition to experiential learning, education plays a crucial role in enhancing communication abilities.

There are numerous books and courses on this topic available on the market and online. The following titles are recommended for further reading: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, How to Listen So Kids Will Talk, Psychological Parenting, The Awakening of Parents, and Accompanying Your Child through Puberty. Should more in-depth discussion be required, it is possible to seek long-term counseling from a consultant with expertise in this area.

It is my hope that this information has been illuminating. It is important to recognize that the process of adjusting one's mindset, whether as a parent or a child, can require time. I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello, I'm Zen Tea for Life, and I see you as if I were face-to-face!

All parents feel the same way. And to the parents of junior high school students, we're sending you a warm hug from afar and telling you that things will get better and better as time goes on!

In the past, she was well-behaved and would come home and tell us all about her day at school. Now, she goes straight to her room, locks the door, and doesn't want to talk to her family. She argues with them when they say something to her.

In the past, he was very obedient and would tell me all about the interesting things that happened at school when he got home. Now, he just locks the door and argues with me when I ask him about it. Has something happened to him or has he just changed? You need to think back and talk to the teacher to find out. 2. When your child was obedient and well-behaved, you maintained a good parent-child relationship. Now, what is it like? In the comparison of the two, your words and actions as a parent have also changed.

Nothing happens for no reason. There's always a reason. Once we find the reason, we can come up with the best plan of action to get the best result.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter whether you try to communicate, criticize harshly, or even hit him. He always says that we don't respect him. Is this the kind of behavior you want to encourage in your child?

The questioner is also actively communicating with his child. The child's response is that the parent doesn't respect him. The most important part of communication is that it's fair and equal, not the parent looking down on the child in a parent-like tone of voice. Even if you use beating and scolding, it won't achieve anything, but will have the opposite effect. It's suggested that the questioner and the child communicate around the matter, not the person. The purpose of communication is to do things well. For example, if you don't respect your child, what aspects don't you respect, and how can you achieve mutual respect? If your math grades are not good, it's because the types of questions on the test are not good. Focus on the types of questions the child wants to do and can do, and the parent wants to do and can do, communicate with each other to reach an agreement and work together to achieve results. This is the real goal.

I've spoken to other parents and they say my son is going through a rebellious phase. I'm not sure why a child who is self-motivated to study doesn't play games, read novels or use his mobile phone, but his academic performance is worse than other children in the same class who play games, read novels and use their mobile phones.

The main issue during the rebellious period is the conflict between the child's belief that they can do everything and the parent's belief that they are still a child. The questioner has been saying how their child is bad at this and that. It's important to focus on what aspects of your child are good. Don't compare your child with other people's outstanding children, and don't compare our certainty with other people's advantages. Compare yourself with yourself, and compare today with yesterday. As long as there is progress, it is commendable. It's a good idea to participate in sports with your child in addition to studying, such as hiking, badminton, etc. You can also establish a parent-child circle of friends centered on classmates, communicate more, and exchange ideas. Look at your child from the side more often.

I'd also suggest that the questioner learn more about psychology. This will help them to manage their emotions effectively, which is good for their own health and for their children and family. They can also use what they've learned to improve their relationships with their children.

I hope this is useful to you!