After playing around and accidentally making the child cry, do you feel that your husband took advantage of the situation?

Hello, I'm therapist Wang Ying.

A child falling over led to a series of events that caused problems in the parent-child relationship.

This shows some problems with the family's education model and how the couple get along.

First, the child cries because he fell. It's normal for a child to cry after falling without being hurt, but if he keeps crying, parents should pay attention. What's the problem? Is it a weak ability to deal with setbacks, the release of emotions under pressure, or the parents not guiding the child when he's crying? Only by figuring out the cause can we solve the problem.

Second, parents reflect a child's behavior. After the child has cried, the communication between you and your husband is about competing for power. This shows the child that their parents don't love them, and this makes the child feel unsafe.

The parents also showed their child the wrong way to communicate.

When a child loses his temper, he learns to behave this way, lose control of his emotions, and not communicate rationally.

The father's role is important in a family with a boy. His performance can be improved to benefit the child. It's not clear if he has low emotional intelligence or is evil at heart. We need to understand his specific circumstances.

Mothers usually grow and change for the better in families with children. They can seek help and feel that they still care about their children. I hope that mothers can grow themselves and read books related to education and emotional management, which will benefit their children's growth.

Hello! I'm Meng Xiaoxiao, a consulting student. When I came across your writing, I was blown away. After reading it carefully, I felt a deep connection to your experience as a mother. I want to give you a big hug and let you know I'm here for you!

After spending a lot of effort finally coaxing the baby to sleep, the result is that her husband has helped to make matters worse, undoing her hard work overnight and making the situation more difficult to handle. In such a disappointing and exhausting situation, it is understandable that the questioner would lose her temper and yell.

From what you've said, it seems like your husband has been acting like a bad teammate, which has made you feel helpless and hopeless.

Let's dive back into the incident!

1. "I used various methods to coax him into crying less, and my husband started to play with him. But as soon as we started playing, he started comforting the child by saying that he would help the child beat me up. The child suddenly cried even harder." —You feel dissatisfied and uncomfortable with the way your husband comforts the child. Perhaps the other person is simply thinking that if he stands on the same side as the child against the mother when the child is crying, he can comfort the child. But the reason the child is crying is because he fell and feels aggrieved, and he doesn't mean to be dissatisfied with his mother. The fact that the child is crying even harder also shows that the father's comfort is not close to the root of the child's emotions. This is a great opportunity to try something new!

2. [I gave my husband a taste of his own medicine, daring him to try it. He then showed weakness in front of the child, saying that he was afraid, and that only the child dared to hit me. I didn't like hearing it, but the child cried even louder.] — Here, you and your husband engaged in a spirited verbal exchange, and the child, as a bystander, watched the exchange between you. At this time, the focus of the interaction was on you and your husband, and the child's emotions were unconsciously put aside. Perhaps the child was thinking something simple like, "I fell down and need comfort. Daddy is going to hit mommy for me, but I'm afraid of mommy. Mommy seems angry." Something like that.

3. "I feel quite guilty and self-blame inside, too, for the child. I feel that I shouldn't have been so careless and let him fall. I'm also quite annoyed with my husband. Someone with such low emotional intelligence is still evil at heart." - It's great that you feel responsible as a mother and set high standards for yourself! It's also good that you feel for the child's injuries and want to do your best. In the task of educating the child, your husband's approach makes you feel like you're not on the same side as him, and it even has some counterproductive effects at times, which is why you're annoyed.

You want to find an answer from your husband to explain why he is not on the same side as you in bringing up the baby.

Now, let's talk about how we can make things better! The questioner can chat with her husband more about child-rearing, keep an eye on her emotions and expectations in the way she brings up her children, try to understand her husband's original intentions in the way he brings up the children, and share and express her feelings with feelings in the part of joint cooperation, so that the other party can see her emotions and expectations, understand each other, and explore together.

If the questioner needs more systematic and professional help, psychological counseling is also a great option!

I really hope my words will bring you some warmth and support!

Everyone has the power to be a beacon, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, we can shine a light in the hearts of more people, and this is our shared energy.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I totally get how you're feeling. It's totally normal for a child to fall during parent-child interactions. It's also normal for him to cry. It's normal for your husband to ask about the child because he cares about you. It's normal to comfort the child, to try to please him, and to unintentionally hurt you.

It's so confusing, isn't it? Everything seems normal, but you feel aggrieved, angry, and like you're complaining about your partner. It's because your needs haven't been met.

It's so sad when a husband only cares about the children and ignores his wife's feelings. Let's take a look at what the problem is.

1. It's okay to have emotions, and it's also okay to see that there's a need for emotional satisfaction behind your emotions.

From what you've told me, it seems like your husband could have been more supportive in this situation. The child wanted to play with you, and he fell down on his own. Instead of comforting you and understanding your feelings, your husband didn't respond in a way that made you feel supported.

This emotion has not been expressed or supported, and then a new incident occurs that makes you feel new anger. The old man is so sweet, he comforts the child and jokes about hitting his mother.

From my perspective, it's just a little joke, words from a child trying to please. But for you, still in that mood, it's another thing that makes you feel even less understood, seen, respected, trusted, and ultimately not recognized or accepted.

My dear, our relationships with others can reflect our relationships with our parents. It's so interesting how the unmet needs we get from others are actually the needs we wanted from our parents when we were young.

When you think back to your childhood, I'd love to know if you ever felt wronged when your parents wrongly accused you. Or if you ever felt hurt when your parents ignored you.

I can see you're feeling angry because you didn't get the understanding and trust from your parents.

It's totally normal to have these kinds of experiences stored away in our subconscious. They can pop up whenever we're in a similar situation.

? 2. How to achieve self-healing and become the master of emotions through awareness

And that's how change begins! Seeing gives you the right to choose.

You did a great job! I know you were afraid that you might lose your temper and yell, hurt the relationship, and scare the kids, so you chose to go out and write down this question after calming down and thinking it over. You're such a great mom!

Growth is a lifelong process. It doesn't matter how old you are, you'll always be getting to know yourself, searching for yourself, repairing yourself, and becoming yourself.

First, give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling. You can say to your partner, "I feel aggrieved/upset/angry when you say/do this." It's okay to express your feelings, but it's not the same as complaining. It's about sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner in a way that shows how you're feeling. When we complain, it can make the other person feel frustrated.

Reveal your vulnerability to your partner, gain his understanding and support, heal yourself through learning, and achieve growth. Marriage is a field for couples to practice together, and the family is also a place for healing. You've got this!

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I love you so much, and I hope the world does too! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

It's so important to understand why your child is crying and deal with it in the best way you can!

Crying is a wonderful signal from children to parents that they want food, a diaper change, security, company, or whatever they need! From childhood needs like eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom, to seeking comfort when encountering discomfort in the world, crying is a great way for kids to tell their parents that they have needs.

When you fall down, it's totally normal to feel scared and cry for a bit, even if you don't feel any pain. You can comfort him and help him feel better!

Encourage him to get up on his own, or even ignore him. He can adapt on his own and get up after crying for a while.

And there were so many more times when one might have gotten used to crying after falling, waiting for the comfort of their parents, while the other might have just given themselves a well-deserved pat on the back and gotten on with what they were doing!

There are so many ways to show your love for your child! You can help and protect them, but you can also encourage and exercise with them. As your child grows, it's important to meet their needs. But it's even more important to help them adapt to external pressures and develop the skills they need to cope with whatever life throws at them!

One day, when you feel so old, you'll just fall and cry, so why cry? You'll inevitably get a spanking. The problem is that the child doesn't have the opportunity to deal with it alone, so why suddenly stop crying?

I remember a classmate complaining that when she was at school, her family strictly forbade her to associate with the opposite sex. Then, soon after she graduated, her parents suddenly became anxious to push her to get married. She didn't feel at all surprised! In fact, you said, "How can you still be crying at the age of 7?"

", which has a similar flavor.

As children grow up, they start to become more independent. This is an exciting time! But it also means that their parents can't actually provide for their needs forever. So, who can the child cry to at this time? What should they do if they can't just cry?

Let the child grow in a larger space!

It's totally normal to feel anxious – we all want our kids to be safe and avoid mistakes. As parents, we have the awesome responsibility of protecting our little ones, especially when they're still learning to protect themselves.

But the good news is that awareness and the ability to protect oneself can be learned! All you need is guidance and, even more so, the child's own experience and perception, which no one else can replace.

We are the same! Unless we experience it ourselves, how can we truly understand the principles we have heard? Many people say that even if they know a lot of principles, they still can't get through life well. This could mean that those aren't their own principles and they don't really understand them – but they're going to find out!

No matter how closely you watch him or how well you protect him, it's time to let your child face everything on their own! You can't always be there for them, so it's time to let them learn and grow.

Give him more space and trust! Let him face hurt, pain, and the unknown. He'll be stronger and more resilient than you could ever hope for!

Oh, this is a great question! Do adults interact with each other based on results or motives?

Your husband should have sensed your ultimate limit and the danger of an imminent explosion, and made a joke to try to ease the tense atmosphere. Even if it was just a joke, I don't think "helping your child beat up your mother" is funny. Children don't understand jokes, so they're bound to be scared.

And then he cries again? And when you threaten him, he meekly says, "I dare not," trying to please you and ease your tension.

All you're trying to do is calm the child and share your stress. But it's just an ill-timed joke, and you've done more harm than good.

I see so much good in a clumsy but hardworking husband and father who is willing to help!

In all relationships, the motive is always more important than the result. Love itself is just an attitude, and the result is something else—and something else is always something good!

Perhaps it's time to pay attention to your own burning anger. Your patience is wearing thin, and the gates of your heart are about to be burned down. But who knows? He may just be the unlucky fish.

The intense desire to stop your child from crying, the seemingly endless crying that leaves you feeling restless and exhausted, and the feeling that the world is full of malice, with the closest person being the prime suspect, is just because you're looking for a different result.

What experience with your husband of almost 10 years makes you suspect him of evil? After spending so much time together, you should know exactly what kind of person he is!

If you have this assumption in your heart, it's a tragedy for both parties. What are your reasons and justifications?

If this is the result and you have such suspicions, you may need to control the flood of your emotions. This kind of assumption is not conducive to getting along with each other and maintaining good feelings. If you feel antipathy and distrust towards someone, you will interpret all their actions negatively and maliciously. You can imagine how you would feel if you were treated this way. But don't worry! You can take control of your emotions and start fresh.

It's totally fine to vent and have a good scolding! But remember, forgiveness is always the way forward.

Relax a little and trust a little more, whether it's with your children or your husband. This family has three members, independent yet close, supporting each other and giving each other beautiful and happy feelings. Isn't this the direction and result you're looking for? Absolutely!

I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Dear Question Asker, From your question, I infer that you are a mother who loves your child very much and is trying to protect him.

It was challenging to observe you attempting to regulate your emotions, concerned that you might become enraged and lose control, and ultimately deciding to depart for a period of time. I am curious to understand how you felt in that moment.

What were your thoughts and feelings when you temporarily left?

In instances where the child has fallen, the mother attempts to provide comfort, yet her husband fails to acknowledge her presence. Upon nearing the completion of her efforts to console the child, the mother's husband interjects, engaging the child in play.

His method of comforting the child involved teasing and suggesting that he could assist the child in beating her mother. This resulted in the child becoming even more distressed.

You are disconcerted and irritated by your husband's conduct, and you are somewhat uncertain as to whether he exhibits low emotional intelligence or is malevolent in his intentions. It is my assessment that you are dissatisfied with the manner in which your husband provides comfort to the children.

It is possible that, at a fundamental level, you aspire for your husband to become your ally, standing together in raising and educating the children in a unified manner, and playing a role in reconciling and uniting the family.

You have consistently assumed the role of mediator between your husband and the children, rather than aligning with the children and creating a rift within the family. It is evident that you are displeased with your husband's actions, which you perceive as undermining your authority, and you appear to be concerned about the manner in which he instructs the children.

It is unclear whether you perceive your husband's actions as an indication that he is aligning with the children and positioning you against them. If this is the case, it is reasonable to assume that you find this situation uncomfortable.

It is unclear whether your husband's behavior is indicative of a lack of emotional intelligence or a more sinister motive. Without a deeper understanding of your husband's character, it is difficult to make a definitive assessment.

As time passes and couples live together and interact, they gradually gain a fuller understanding of each other's personalities, temperaments, and ways of relating to others. This process is not immediate or linear.

It is inevitable that, as a couple, you will encounter differences or conflicts in your ongoing mutual understanding. When such issues arise, it is of the utmost importance that you engage in open and honest communication with each other.

It is evident that you are attempting to restrain your anger. At that juncture, you were on the verge of unleashing your rage, yet you compelled yourself to suppress it. This will inevitably inflict detrimental effects on your physical and emotional well-being. It is unclear whether you have endeavored to identify an opportune moment to engage in a peaceful dialogue with him subsequently.

It would be beneficial to inform him that parents are allies and that consistent parenting will not result in the child experiencing excessive conflict and contradiction, which is conducive to the child's sense of security and healthy growth.

Additionally, you may wish to inform him of the measures you have taken. You have been attempting to mediate the situation without taking sides.

You are not a person who takes sides, but a mother who strives for the stability and harmonious development of the family. Additionally, when he asserts that he can assist the child in physically assaulting you, it is reasonable to inquire as to how you are internally affected.

Some individuals may experience feelings of disrespect, concern that their children will be negatively influenced, or sadness at being excluded from the relationship. If these emotions arise, it is important to communicate them to one's partner.

It is my contention that you possess the fortitude to convey your sentiments and aspirations to him.

It is essential for couples to engage in joint exploration and effort when it comes to child-rearing. It is evident that you possess the capacity to convey your sentiments to your husband and articulate your recommendations in a clear and concise manner.

It is also possible to engage in discussion and reach an agreement on the ideas and methods of child-rearing, thereby working together.

It is possible that your husband believes this is the optimal method for educating his son. Without knowledge of your respective upbringings, it is difficult to ascertain whether your experiences align with his beliefs. How did you grow up, and how were you raised when you were the same age as your son?

It would be beneficial to understand how you felt as a child and what your innermost desires and needs were at that time. These experiences may have had a significant impact on the way you raise your children.

If you so desire, you may discuss this further. In doing so, you may gain a deeper understanding of your child and yourself while simultaneously educating your child.

At that juncture, the responses to the inquiries posed will become apparent through a more profound comprehension of the relationship.

It would be beneficial to discuss the subject of your son's feelings of guilt, self-blame, and remorse. When your son fell, you experienced a certain degree of distress, along with feelings of guilt, self-blame, and remorse. This led you to believe that you had not provided adequate care for your son.

It is not uncommon for a mother who loves her child to experience feelings of sadness. However, it is possible that the guilt you are feeling is also causing you distress.

It is likely that your seven-year-old son is currently at a stage in his cognitive and physical development where he is exploring the world around him. This exploration is likely occurring in a way that allows him to understand the limits and rules of his environment, including how to protect himself.

It is possible to permit the child to undergo this process while also allowing oneself to experience sadness.

It is understandable that you experience feelings of guilt. When a child is born, they are vulnerable and require protection. As a mother, you have invested significant time and energy into ensuring their safety and well-being.

Gradually, this becomes a routine. At times, the child matures and develops independently, yet the inclination to safeguard and nurture the infantile self with unwavering dedication persists.

When the child falls and cries, the parent is apt to experience feelings of nervousness and guilt, assuming responsibility for the child's distress and perceiving their actions as causing pain. It is important to recognize that love and care can, at times, become a form of self-imposed restriction.

We isolate ourselves, preoccupied with self-blame for our unhappiness. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize self-care before attempting to adapt to our children's developmental changes and explore alternative approaches to parenting.

As I was concluding this response, I was compelled to alter my position. A family can be conceptualized as a system, wherein each member occupies a distinct role.

It would be beneficial to consider the child's perspective and identify the underlying needs. When a child falls, it is reasonable to assume that the experience may be uncomfortable.

It is possible that the child requires confirmation of his love and acceptance, as well as the opportunity to express his emotions. This may facilitate the development of a sense of self-worth and autonomy, which are essential for his long-term well-being.

It would be advisable to inform the child that the fall caused significant discomfort and that it is acceptable to express this through tears. Reassure the child that you understand their pain and allow them to cry for as long as they need to.

"Mommy is here with you." It is possible that the child may still cry, but this is to be expected and is allowed.

This is an internal process that occurs within the child. It is not a reflection of external factors, such as expressing anger towards his mother through physical aggression.

It is not my intention to assign blame to your husband; it is likely that he is attempting to please the child. However, he may lack the necessary understanding to recognize the potential harm that his actions could have on the child's personality development.

It seems reasonable to posit that you have employed this method to comfort your child. However, given the lack of specific details, this is merely a conjecture on my part, and as such, it is bound to be somewhat subjective.

It is therefore crucial to facilitate clear communication. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of impatience when one has exhausted all possible avenues of assistance and the child in question continues to exhibit distress.

It is reasonable to inquire as to the possibility of a perfect mother. It can be reasonably deduced that mothers who score 60% are doing an exemplary job.

It is therefore acceptable to experience feelings of impatience. It is possible to develop greater self-awareness of one's emotions, which can in turn lead to a sense of increased freedom.

It is my sincere hope that you may find freedom and happiness.

Greetings.

The necessity of understanding oneself is paramount. Despite the importance of warmth, understanding, and support from another person, the burden of life's challenges remains. At this juncture, one's spouse may appear to lack comprehension and support, eliciting feelings of profound disappointment and helplessness. The longing for understanding and assistance from one's partner is understandable.

The question thus arises as to whether my husband is "pouring oil on the fire" or merely "low in emotional intelligence."

First, it is essential to ascertain the stability of the relationship between the questioner and her husband. It is widely acknowledged that newlyweds tend to exhibit a distinct relationship dynamic compared to long-married couples. Newlyweds often display a tendency to behave in a manner reminiscent of romantic partners, maintaining a certain degree of emotional distance and harboring romantic expectations of each other. In contrast, long-married couples frequently find themselves immersed in the demands and trivialities of daily life, which often reveal more about their true character. The manner in which individuals navigate and handle relationships can also serve as a valuable indicator of their underlying values. When two individuals are able to coexist harmoniously despite their differences, they are more likely to extend understanding and tolerance to each other, ultimately enabling them to navigate the emotional lull.

A partner who often "stirs up trouble" for the other person may, on the one hand, be perceived as immature in character. On the other hand, such a partner may be influenced by their family of origin. For example, if the parents in the family interact in a "happy-go-lucky" manner, the child may unconsciously learn and identify with this model of husband and wife, and subsequently replicate it in their own intimate relationships.

Secondly, it is important to be aware of one's emotions and to seek ways to soothe them. Women are often described as being more emotional than men, like water. This suggests that women's emotions are more sensitive and volatile than men's. Consequently, when a child cries, women are often the first to be affected by the emotional fluctuations, while men are better at solving problems.

Individuals experiencing pronounced emotional fluctuations should prioritize self-care, recognizing the necessity of providing themselves with greater attention and care. This entails becoming aware of one's current emotional state and identifying its underlying causes. Is the emotional response triggered by the immediate situation, or does it stem from an underlying psychological construct, such as the inner child? Timely and appropriate care can foster a sense of security, enabling individuals to approach challenges from a more objective and rational perspective, thereby reducing the intensity of emotional fluctuations.

Ultimately, one must accept the imperfections inherent in life and in oneself. The human experience is inherently lonely, and family provides a source of care, warmth, and companionship. However, the presence of problems and imperfections in life can lead to a negative shift in emotional state, reducing one's capacity to perceive and appreciate the positive aspects of life.

As the fall was unintentional, there is no justification for excessive self-criticism. Given the child's continued good health and capacity for happiness, it is prudent to embrace the minor imperfections of life with a positive outlook and facilitate personal growth and the pursuit of a brighter future.

Best wishes for success and resilience.

Hello!

From what you've shared, I can see how you feel a bit down on yourself for the way you're treating your child, and I also understand why you're frustrated with your husband's attitude.

It's okay if you accidentally drop your child sometimes. You don't need to be hard on yourself or feel guilty. I'm here to help you sort things out more clearly by looking at three different aspects of the situation.

It's okay if you accidentally drop your child sometimes. We all make mistakes! I'm here to help you sort things out more clearly.

First, at your level,

You said that you used various methods to comfort your child so that he would stop crying. It's clear that you love your child very much and are very concerned about his emotional state.

You said that as soon as your little one cries, you keep on coaxing him, and when he cries even louder, you feel annoyed. I'm wondering if there are any limiting beliefs involved here?

You said you keep on coaxing your little one whenever he cries, and it makes you feel annoyed when he cries even more. I'm wondering if there are any beliefs that might be getting in the way here?

For example, maybe you think that crying is bad, wrong, and not allowed? Or perhaps you feel like if a child cries, it means you're not a good mother?

At the same time, it might be helpful to think about why the child's crying stirs up your emotions. What are these emotions exactly?

I just want to check in and see if you're feeling angry or scared, or if you think the child's crying is a way of blaming you.

I'm just offering some general advice here, and I could be wrong. If you can, try to think about what you were feeling at the time and why.

I really hope this helps you understand yourself better.

2. Now, let's talk about the husband's side.

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband said, "Help the child beat me up." I can imagine that it must have been really hard for you to hear that, especially when the child cried even harder. I wonder if you felt your husband's accusations and reproaches, as well as some anger and resentment at his "unhelpful" behavior.

At the same time, it seems like every time he has a conflict with the child, you're there to comfort and reconcile. This is different from how you and your husband usually deal with the same event, right? You expect your husband to treat you in the same way, and you expect him to give you more support and understanding when it comes to the child, don't you?

The way the older child comforts the younger child is a little immature. He may be trying to solve the problem in a joking manner. It's probably related to his personal limitations and the different perspectives of the two people.

The way the older child comforts the younger child is a little immature. He may be trying to solve the problem in a joking manner. It's probably because he's still learning how to handle things and has different perspectives than the two of you.

Rather than pointing the finger of blame, we can show him more acceptance, which will be more conducive to his personal growth.

Once the dust has settled, why not have a chat with your husband about how you're feeling? You could try using the "Nonviolent Communication" method to talk to him.

Once the dust has settled, why not have a chat with your husband about how you're feeling? You can use the lovely method of "Nonviolent Communication" to talk to your husband.

You and your partner both want the same thing, which is to help your child feel better. You also have a strong bond and a vision of maintaining family harmony. So, let's take the first step and communicate proactively! It's up to you, but I'm here to support you either way.

You and I are on the same page here. We both want the same thing, which is to help our little ones feel better while keeping the love and harmony in our families strong. So, let's take that first step and start communicating proactively. The choice is yours, but I'm here to support you either way.

On the child's part:

When a child falls, they may be scared and feel some fear, or they may really be in pain. These feelings are all real, and it's okay to feel them! Unlike adults, children are not as good at hiding their feelings and weighing up the pros and cons. They express their emotions more directly, so they will cry to express their emotions.

At this time, the child may not need comfort or a way to distract his attention. What he may want more is the company of his mother and father, and for his parents to identify his emotions.

Specifically, we can apologize to the child and say, "Mommy accidentally fell on you. I'm so sorry! You feel a little sad and a little pain, don't you?"

If you want to cry, then cry for a while! I'll be here with you, my sweetheart.

"

As long as you're there for them and don't get in the way, their emotions will flow naturally. They'll come and go, and that's okay!

Children have an amazing ability to bounce back, so there's no need to fret about how this might affect your little one.

Overall, it might be helpful for you to focus on your emotional state. If you're interested, you can also learn about emotions through books or courses, which can be really beneficial for your self-exploration and growth.

Hi there! I'm Lai Lai, a psychology student. I really hope my reply helps you!